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Russian
00:00:00
Hello, my dear viewers,00:00:03
Olga Demchuk is with you, a researcher of the00:00:04
inner world of personality, today00:00:07
we will try to understand with you what00:00:10
egoism is,00:00:12
many people use this word as a00:00:16
dirty word, egoist00:00:19
for you, selfish needs,00:00:22
as always, in the conceptual analysis section,00:00:25
we will look at egoism from different sides, is00:00:27
it good or bad or neutrally, he00:00:33
considers the desire for one’s00:00:35
own benefit to be egoism,00:00:38
but it is important to understand what exactly a person00:00:42
considers to be one’s own benefit, one’s own benefit. For00:00:47
example, I share my knowledge for free on the YouTube channel.00:00:51
This is my00:00:53
need.00:00:55
I think that this is useful for me00:01:00
because in order to record a video, I need to00:01:03
systematize my knowledge00:01:05
sit down, concentrate,00:01:08
understand what I saw in practice, understand00:01:12
how to present it, this is useful for me,00:01:15
I train my mind, my ability00:01:19
to convey some meaning to other people,00:01:23
and this helps me give lectures, read00:01:27
some paid courses. It is00:01:31
important for me that my activities have a00:01:34
social aspect that is, what00:01:36
brings me money is what I00:01:40
earn from and it is important for me that00:01:43
what I share for free is my benefit,00:01:47
it is important for me, that00:01:49
is, my recording of videos on the YouTube00:01:53
channel can be considered as selfishness, but00:01:56
at the same time there is and caring about other00:01:59
people, you write to me that I watched00:02:02
the video and something helped me. That is,00:02:05
this action cannot be considered completely00:02:07
selfish00:02:11
if, for example, a person is engaged in00:02:15
charity. Let's imagine a00:02:18
woman got married for convenience. She00:02:21
never worked, she always thought that00:02:23
I would go out. I will succeed precisely00:02:26
at the expense of my husband, I do00:02:29
n’t need to achieve anything myself And so she got bored and00:02:31
decided to open some kind of00:02:33
charitable foundation, for example, she helps00:02:34
refugees00:02:36
and she carries out charity work to00:02:40
feel significant, not empty,00:02:42
that her life has meaning00:02:45
How should we treat her activities as00:02:49
charity as altruism Or00:02:53
as to selfishness is unclear00:02:56
Let's take an example, for00:02:58
example, a businessman who has a large00:03:02
enterprise, he employs a thousand00:03:04
people in production, he00:03:06
wants to earn capitalism, he created these00:03:09
jobs, he pays a decent salary and00:03:12
thinks about how to treat profit, there is00:03:16
concern for other people00:03:18
altruism but there is selfishness, the desire00:03:21
to make a profit,00:03:23
see as such, one hundred00:03:26
percent selfishness does not exist in life. You and I have00:03:30
already said that it is important to be able00:03:32
to think complexly and not categorically. Because00:03:36
when we categorically try to determine00:03:39
whether a woman’s activity in a00:03:44
charity project is selfish, we00:03:46
can make such a verdict,00:03:50
we say part from this it is about her00:03:53
needs and part of it is about the needs of00:03:55
others, that is, we determine a certain00:03:58
proportion of egoism and altruism,00:04:03
now let’s try to dive even deeper00:04:07
How egoism appears And what can we00:04:10
call pure egoism00:04:12
when a child is born he is born00:04:15
an egoist,00:04:17
if only because he is not able to00:04:19
think about other people think about00:04:22
maybe mom is tired and I won’t00:04:25
cry now so that she can rest for the00:04:28
child. It’s too difficult a child00:04:31
comes into this world filled with00:04:33
certain desires and all children00:04:37
are selfish for them this is the norm they00:04:41
cannot think about others in people,00:04:43
when the time comes for a child00:04:47
to socialize, this time comes00:04:50
immediately after his birth, that is, there is00:04:53
a Society00:04:56
with which he interacts,00:04:59
and from this00:05:00
interaction I get what he needs,00:05:03
that is, the first socialization is the00:05:05
relationship between the child and his mother, he00:05:09
has to adapt to00:05:11
raise more or less to a lesser extent,00:05:16
it will depend on the personality of the00:05:19
mother, then the father00:05:21
continues to be civilized,00:05:23
the father, the grandmother, the children appear on the playground, for example, with00:05:28
whom he is playing, and if he is00:05:30
selfish, he will say Everyone has left00:05:34
the sandbox, I have come,00:05:36
everyone is playing with me what I want, you00:05:40
will not play yours games You will play00:05:42
my games, this child will end up with00:05:46
loneliness,00:05:49
will try to assert his power,00:05:55
and due to the fact that other people around him00:05:58
will not be able to00:06:00
get what they want. They will be interested,00:06:04
they will have no point in communicating with this00:06:06
person.00:06:07
That is, if we Let us imagine our00:06:11
personality, our needs. Like this00:06:15
blue ball00:06:17
and00:06:19
what we do with it at the moment of00:06:24
interaction with other people at the moment of00:06:26
socialization, we find that we00:06:29
have to somehow infringe on ourselves,00:06:32
suppress00:06:34
that is, when taking into account the personality of another00:06:37
person, some patience arises00:06:42
and undoubtedly in order to build00:06:46
communication with another person, we00:06:49
have to00:06:51
reduce our own needs00:06:54
to sacrifice our own needs,00:06:56
that is, we00:06:59
put pressure on ourselves in a certain way,00:07:02
keeping ourselves within certain socially00:07:06
accepted frameworks, for example, communication00:07:10
and this pressure that we put00:07:15
on ourselves is00:07:22
quite difficult for us to perceive as our own product It seems that Society is pressing00:07:28
and the more00:07:31
self-centered personality configuration I have, the00:07:35
more I have a Thirst for permissiveness so that it will be the way00:07:39
I want,00:07:41
the more I will have to restrain myself and00:07:46
endure in order to enter into a00:07:51
relationship with some person00:07:55
and this suppression of myself, I called it him the00:08:00
iron straitjacket called00:08:02
patience, that is, next to another00:08:05
person we need to keep ourselves within00:08:08
certain limits and the more desires for00:08:12
permissiveness, the more powerful Patience is needed00:08:17
to suppress oneself if my00:08:22
picture of the world does00:08:26
not consist of a core of permissiveness, that00:08:31
is, my dream is for everything to be the way I00:08:33
want00:08:34
then next to other people I will00:08:37
experience less pressure on myself from00:08:40
myself00:08:41
I will have less need to restrain myself00:08:45
than00:08:47
I have more understanding of what my00:08:50
emotions are, how they arise,00:08:54
that is, feeling angry when something is not00:08:58
my way, I quickly process00:09:00
it, I contain it00:09:02
I look at a person at the circumstances,00:09:04
I understand how much it is possible to00:09:06
embody in my opinion, I see that it is impossible, I00:09:10
refuse him or I modify him to suit the00:09:14
circumstances, then I will not have00:09:17
anger and contentment because I don’t00:09:21
wash, it’s as if I am adjusting to the outside00:09:24
world and then I won’t have to restrain00:09:27
my anger and dissatisfaction. That is, I00:09:31
will experience less tension and,00:09:34
accordingly, I will endure less00:09:37
around other people,00:09:41
that is, we can say that00:09:44
selfishness is a desire for permissiveness00:09:47
when we want the world to be exactly00:09:51
like me I want00:09:55
complete identity00:09:58
and there is a dream that we have about this00:10:02
complete permissiveness. If we00:10:06
finally realize it somehow, then we00:10:08
can make sure that she is not so00:10:11
attractive. Let's look at the00:10:14
example of a child. For example, a child.00:10:17
Have you seen a child who is hysterical? is beating00:10:19
on the floor I want a toy I don’t want to sleep I00:10:23
want ice cream So what if this is the third00:10:26
portion I want it that is, we see00:10:29
the maximum selfish child00:10:31
who is trying to subjugate his parent with the help of his00:10:34
emotional pressure to00:10:37
force him to do what00:10:40
he needs00:10:41
if this the child had no boundaries, then00:10:45
this child would only eat sweets, he would be00:10:48
so plump enough, he would have a00:10:53
lack of protein microelements and00:10:56
perhaps he would be so plump and00:10:58
rickety,00:11:00
he watched cartoons all the time, that is,00:11:03
he would not want to do anything except cartoons, he00:11:07
wanted others to do it they just00:11:09
entertained him, he had no00:11:11
obligations for everyone to run around00:11:14
like elephants,00:11:15
for everyone to immediately fulfill his wishes00:11:18
as soon as he wanted. That is, if we00:11:20
exaggerate this picture like this, it will be such an00:11:23
overweight person lying on the sofa00:11:27
who is served by some group of00:11:30
people, he eats what he wants He sleeps as he wants,00:11:33
looks at what he wants, does what he wants, and so on and00:11:36
so forth,00:11:38
that is, this is permissiveness, it00:11:44
attracts us. But if there is complete00:11:48
permissiveness, then it will be such a00:11:50
social personality in which there is no evolution and00:11:54
development,00:11:58
therefore, for example,00:12:04
I think that I tolerate what I I can’t00:12:08
eat sweets because let’s say I’m00:12:12
overweight and I’m experiencing incredible00:12:15
agony and I feel like I really need to00:12:19
keep a tight rein on myself so as not to00:12:23
break down and eat the whole cake00:12:27
And I suffer from this I suffer from this00:12:33
But if I00:12:37
understand what I have there is a structure of warriors00:12:41
internal effective infantile00:12:43
Phantom that is, our memory of desires from00:12:49
childhood when we were as00:12:51
happy as possible when we ate ice cream, then I00:12:54
understand where these desires come from00:12:57
and then I perceive00:12:59
my patience and not eating the00:13:03
whole tart as my00:13:07
conscious choice in which I care00:13:11
about my future, I care about my00:13:14
figure in the future00:13:17
and then I won’t have the feeling that I’m00:13:21
suffering. A00:13:23
similar situation can happen not00:13:25
only with cake. Well, for example,00:13:31
with communication with other people. For example, I00:13:35
live with a man00:13:39
and I have to ignore some moments as00:13:43
if00:13:45
I can make scandals for this man00:13:49
because he doesn’t wash his cup00:13:53
after coffee in the morning00:13:56
and it seems to me that I’m really00:13:59
holding myself back, I have to00:14:04
restrain my desire to00:14:07
throw out my dissatisfaction,00:14:10
but if I understand that the scandal00:14:15
that I’m now will greatly00:14:17
destroy our family or our relationship,00:14:21
then I consciously choose, without00:14:25
any kind of00:14:27
sacrificial patience, to act00:14:32
like this peacefully, not to shout,00:14:36
and then it doesn’t seem to me that I’m a martyr00:14:39
who endures so much, it often happens00:14:43
when spouses begin to talk in00:14:47
agony, so I tolerate it, I tolerate it, and the00:14:50
other he gets exactly the same00:14:52
list, it turns out that not only do you tolerate it,00:14:55
but it also tolerates you. We always have to00:14:58
tolerate each other because there are no00:15:01
identical people. The only thing is that00:15:04
people can live together after some00:15:07
time, they get used to each other, they00:15:09
change their patterns, they change their00:15:11
rituals and they it seems that they are less00:15:15
tolerant of two people who are strangers and00:15:18
strangers who are meeting, they are constantly going on,00:15:21
time is wasting on this grinding in,00:15:23
and then00:15:26
that is,00:15:29
when my personality00:15:33
has the main goal of permissiveness00:15:36
so that everything will be the way I want. I will00:15:41
feel like a constant victim, which00:15:47
will always seem painful to me. that I endure and suffer all the time, endure and00:15:49
suffer, endure00:15:52
and suffer, endure that there is no00:15:55
permissiveness of mine and I suffer because of the pain of00:15:59
not being able to satisfy all my00:16:01
needs,00:16:03
and then it will seem to me that the whole world00:16:05
is attacking me, I endure a lot and suffer a lot,00:16:09
that is, a fixated personality in themselves, not00:16:12
correlated with the world, who do not understand that00:16:15
the world can really be an eternal martyr00:16:18
and such people have eternal pains and protests,00:16:21
they either always endure or they are00:16:24
constantly in conflict,00:16:28
they cannot say that00:16:33
they cannot even admit to themselves that they00:16:36
want something, they build their own I want00:16:39
or they elevate their idea of the world to the00:16:43
category of truth and say This is00:16:45
wrong, so wrong, So00:16:48
unfair This shouldn’t be,00:16:52
but if you and I Get out of the thinking of a00:16:58
child,00:16:59
if we are already old enough00:17:04
to be open to this world and00:17:07
really understand what this world is can00:17:10
give us then we have a00:17:13
conscious choice00:17:15
and00:17:17
in order for us to be able to do more00:17:20
We choose to establish relationships with00:17:24
other people00:17:25
somewhere to00:17:27
remain silent somewhere to say00:17:31
but this choice comes00:17:35
in the name of ourselves that is, we do it for00:17:40
ourselves we go into cooperation with some00:17:43
person because we understand that this is00:17:46
beneficial for us and then00:17:55
we perceive the moment of some shrinking of our own desire or our own egocentrism00:17:58
not as a Great sacrifice for the sake of00:18:01
this person but as care for ourselves.00:18:07
That is, in fact, let’s sum up00:18:10
everything that has been said, we are all egoists always00:18:14
whatever we do Whatever00:18:16
altruistic actions we00:18:18
do, we do them for some00:18:21
benefit for ourselves, for example, so as not to00:18:23
feel bad, not to feel00:18:25
worthless, not to feel like00:18:28
empty people,00:18:31
even charity, for some00:18:35
reason, it carries some kind of benefit for00:18:38
us,00:18:39
but we can either admit that00:18:43
we are always selfish, even when we are silent and do not00:18:47
enter into conflict00:18:49
because we endure, we have this00:18:52
pain that we talked about, we are still00:18:56
selfish, we do00:18:59
n’t want to escape our own, but00:19:03
this I want, maybe it can be00:19:06
conscious and then we understand that00:19:10
caring, for example, about the people who are next to00:19:14
us It is at the same time caring about our00:19:16
own capabilities,00:19:18
caring that we have friends,00:19:21
Saturday, that we have Colleagues, and00:19:25
then there is no pain in this that is00:19:28
elevated to a cult00:19:31
and there is no such00:19:34
inversion of turning inside out the00:19:37
meaning when a person experiences pain00:19:40
because he00:19:42
forbids himself permissiveness, but it00:19:45
seems to him that he is sacrificing a lot for others, you see00:19:49
how00:19:52
confused this concept is. I am shrinking from my00:19:55
permissiveness, but it00:19:57
seems to me that I am sacrificing a lot and I endure,00:20:06
I will finish as always in At the end of the video,00:20:09
I ask you to write:00:20:15
Can you calmly00:20:19
think that you are an egoist and00:20:24
that whatever you do or don’t do, you00:20:27
do in connection with or in00:20:32
relation to your own picture of00:20:35
values, your own idea of00:20:38
what is right or wrong?00:20:43
Can you accept this thought calmly00:20:47
without an outbreak of Shock then that you are00:20:51
selfish00:20:53
and even when you sacrifice yourself00:20:59
it may not be a sacrifice, but namely the00:21:02
patience of00:21:04
the impossibility of being in permissiveness.00:21:08
Can you calmly accept the fact00:21:13
that when you00:21:15
socialize and establish social00:21:18
contacts, you00:21:20
will inevitably move somewhere in your00:21:24
own interests in order for00:21:27
another person I could also satisfy00:21:30
my needs,00:21:34
this is the00:21:35
final video that participates in the00:21:38
competition for comments,00:21:42
first of all, when we00:21:45
summarize this competition for00:21:47
comments under the video, we will see who00:21:49
wrote 5 comments under the00:21:54
last five videos and then we will choose the most00:21:58
original ones,00:22:01
I will publish a post on the YouTube channel where00:22:04
I will name those three people00:22:07
who won the competition and they will be able to00:22:09
get access to any of the webinars for free. I00:22:14
remind you that00:22:18
next Saturday a00:22:23
project to study the inner world of00:22:26
the individual will begin and this Saturday, that is,00:22:29
tomorrow we will send the first assignment00:22:32
for the first lecture we will send film00:22:36
and questions for this film and based on00:22:39
this film00:22:41
we will analyze the topic of evolution of personality.00:22:44
If anyone wants to join,00:22:47
join the link is under this00:22:49
video or on my website Olga Demchuk.org00:22:53
See youDescription:
✅ Цикл лекций-практикумов "Исследование внутреннего мира личности" https://olgademchuk.org/ua/ivml ✅ Школа психоаналитической практики "Сталкер", десятый набор https://olgademchuk.org/stalker-10 Эгоизм. Понятийный разбор. Ольга Демчук. Исследование внутреннего мира личности. Эгоизм - это стремление к собственной выгоде и пользе. То, что человек будет считать своей выгодой и пользой, зависит от его ценностей. Даже жертвующий собой человек - эгоист, ведь его выгода, быть нужным и полезным. То есть эгоизма на 100% не бывает? Если в поведении человека есть сознательное или бессознательное причинение пользы другим, то как мы можем считать его эгоистом? Попробуем подробно разобраться в этом видео с тем, что же такое эгоизм на самом деле. ✅Список вебинаров, лекций и школ Ольги Демчук, видео-запись которых можно приобрести https://olgademchuk.org/vitrina ✅ Если вы хотите поддержать развитие канала, то можете сделать это, пройдя по ссылке https://olgademchuk.org/donate Ольга Демчук - практикующий психоаналитик, автор многочисленных статей о глубинных процессах в психике, которые вы можете прочесть на её сайте: https://olgademchuk.org/vitrina Ольга Демчук организатор и преподаватель Школы интуитивного мышления "Шпионские игры", Школы холистического мышления "Игры разума", Школы психоаналитиков "Сталкер". Образование в психологии: магистратура по специальности психолог ✅Список вебинаров, лекций и школ Ольги Демчук, видео запись которых можно приобрести https://olgademchuk.org/vitrina ✅
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