Download "Почему взрослые ведут себя как дети? / Лилия Левицкая // Нам надо поговорить"

0:00

«Нам надо поговорить». Инфантилизм

1:10

Что такое психологический инфантилизм?

2:19

Почему кто-то это проходит, а кто-то застревает в детстве?

5:49

Как осознать, что в каком-то возрасте была травма?

7:26

Из-за чего женщина может вести себя как маленький ребенок?

8:19

Если мужчина ищет в женщине маленькую девочку, где у него произошла травма?

9:58

Об обидах. Почему это не норма?

13:21

Как избавиться от привычки обижаться?

16:13

Сколько по времени занимает трансформировать привычки?

17:26

Как выглядит инфантильный мужчина?

21:22

В чем выражается женская инфантильность?

24:15

Как воспитывать детей, чтобы не стали инфантилами?

28:09

Где грань между свободой и безопасностью в подростковом возрасте?

29:40

Как правильно направить подростка?

33:25

Почему у подростка появляется зависимость от гаджетов?

36:18

Как инфантилизм ведет к зависимостям?

37:31

О любовной зависимости

42:22

Кто такой отвергающий мужчина?

43:54

Как помочь паре, в которой оба инфантила?

45:58

Можно ли полностью вылечить травмы?

46:40

Откуда берутся зависимости от алкоголя или еды?

48:46

Рекомендации от психолога

«Самый гражданский поэт». 100 лет Александру Галичу

«Самый гражданский поэт». 100 лет Александру Галичу

Channel: RTVI Новости

Почему погибли империи? И как сегодня «завоевывают» колонии? // Зато честно

Почему погибли империи? И как сегодня «завоевывают» колонии? // Зато честно

Channel: RTVI Развлечения

Как люди «придумывают» себе болезни? Главное о психосоматике // Это не Фрейд

Как люди «придумывают» себе болезни? Главное о психосоматике // Это не Фрейд

Channel: RTVI Развлечения

Как зарабатывать деньги на еде / Георгий Бекин // Час Speak

Как зарабатывать деньги на еде / Георгий Бекин // Час Speak

Channel: RTVI Развлечения

Из обезьяны в человека: как развивались человекообразные приматы // Дробышевский

Из обезьяны в человека: как развивались человекообразные приматы // Дробышевский

Channel: RTVI Развлечения

Какие звери окружали древних людей? // Дробышевский. Человек разумный

Какие звери окружали древних людей? // Дробышевский. Человек разумный

Channel: RTVI Развлечения

Как зарождался марксизм и актуален ли он сегодня / Александр Сегал // Два в уме

Как зарождался марксизм и актуален ли он сегодня / Александр Сегал // Два в уме

Channel: RTVI Развлечения

Как зубы и переломы могут рассказать о древних людях // Дробышевский. Человек разумный

Как зубы и переломы могут рассказать о древних людях // Дробышевский. Человек разумный

Channel: RTVI Развлечения

Был ли у человечества один общий предок? // Дробышевский. Человек разумный

Был ли у человечества один общий предок? // Дробышевский. Человек разумный

Channel: RTVI Развлечения

нам надо поговорить

лилия левицкая

интегративный психолог

психология

инфантильность

инфантизлизм

инфантильный мужчина

инфантильная женщина

взрослый инфантилизм

ответственность

маленький ребенок

зависимости

детские травмы

проработка

привычки

обида

отношения

абьюз

воспитание

подростки

любовная зависимость

пищевая зависимость

интервью

марианна минскер

rtvi

rtvi.com

rtvi news

канал rtvi

rtvi новости

международные новости

rtvi2

rtvi 2

rtvi two

rtvi entertainment

00:00:03

men or women dear What happened to you

00:00:05

Nothing wrong with

00:00:07

psychosomatics is the worst What does an

00:00:09

infantile man look like I

00:00:11

take my hands off myself An overprotective man

00:00:14

who tries to take a woman into his power to

00:00:17

decide everything for her he is also

00:00:19

infantile fear of becoming a father fear

00:00:21

in general to marry, he needs to

00:00:23

assert himself at the expense of a woman, he

00:00:25

needs to feel strong, his mother

00:00:28

called him to obey him, and he has

00:00:30

a feeling of guilt working inside him, he came to the

00:00:33

expression on her, he broke away, and women, an

00:00:34

infantile horse, from what it becomes

00:00:37

in the burning, don’t forget, it’s necessary to

00:00:39

control everyone for her, this is love for a

00:00:41

woman you can’t take initiative

00:00:43

you can’t show aggression aggression is

00:00:46

leadership energy

00:00:57

[music]

00:00:59

hello Marianna Minske here we need

00:01:01

to talk about why some

00:01:03

adults behave like children with me in

00:01:07

the studio integrative psychologist Liliya

00:01:09

Levitskaya Lilia that’s when adults

00:01:12

behave like children it’s called

00:01:14

psychological infantilism what is it

00:01:16

? Tell us where it comes from.

00:01:19

Psychological infantilism is such a

00:01:21

big concept, but in essence, when we

00:01:24

are born into this world, we simply

00:01:26

have to go through a

00:01:29

certain stage of psychological

00:01:30

development as an adult, and when a person does

00:01:33

not go through a certain stage, one

00:01:36

or more of them, he succeeds.

00:01:38

psychologically stuck on them, we see a

00:01:40

person who is 30 years old, 40 years old, 50 years old and

00:01:44

he still lives like a small

00:01:45

child in his psychology, he is offended, he feels

00:01:48

guilty, he is afraid, he is not free in

00:01:52

his choice,

00:01:53

depending on public opinion, that is, a

00:01:56

person who is on such a hook as a

00:01:58

small child is very

00:02:00

There is a good parable about an elephant that

00:02:02

was brought to the zoo for little baby elephants and tied

00:02:04

on such a small leash, it twitched and

00:02:07

twitched and couldn’t get out, the

00:02:09

big elephant grew up and doesn’t even

00:02:12

twitch anymore, as it stood on this small

00:02:13

leash and stands like this and

00:02:16

adults don’t even try because they do

00:02:18

n’t notice it Why does someone go through

00:02:20

these psychological stages in childhood

00:02:23

and adolescence and someone

00:02:25

gets stuck in them? It depends on the parents or

00:02:28

on the teenager himself,

00:02:30

of course. We have a lot depending on the

00:02:33

parents in general, on the culture in which

00:02:35

we live So I’ll tell you about these stages step

00:02:37

by step very quickly, how we

00:02:40

go through them, imagine that this is a

00:02:42

quest or a game that we have to go through

00:02:43

and when we go through the quest. We, if we have

00:02:46

n’t passed a certain level, we

00:02:47

get stuck on it, also in the life of psychology. We

00:02:50

are born here. and the first stage that we

00:02:52

must go through is Trust in the world, or

00:02:55

if we have not passed it, distrust is born in us,

00:02:57

if we have achieved Trust

00:02:59

What is trust in time, in time, in time, in time, in time, in time, in time, fed, hugged,

00:03:02

looked,

00:03:06

smiled, rejoiced at the small child in the

00:03:08

first months, then the child is born with

00:03:10

the feeling that the world good, I’m coping,

00:03:13

so global, optimism is born

00:03:16

right in these first months. And if they didn’t

00:03:19

take it.

00:03:31

at one year old I can, now I’m already walking

00:03:34

or there is doubt, shame when there is

00:03:37

such an adult nearby who does not allow, who

00:03:40

forbids, who is overprotective or

00:03:42

screams, that is, you are no longer allowed then to the

00:03:45

next stage, we either move on or we don’t

00:03:47

move on and there the small child

00:03:49

begins to take the initiative, he

00:03:51

tries what - to climb somewhere to

00:03:53

try something What if there is a parent nearby who

00:03:55

forbids you to go there, don’t touch

00:03:57

yourself, it’s dangerous, you’re to blame You broke something

00:04:00

and then, instead of initiative, a feeling of

00:04:03

guilt is formed. We move on to the next stage. We

00:04:06

move on And we either it’s

00:04:09

already formed Trust

00:04:12

autonomy initiative

00:04:14

efficiency Hard work I’m

00:04:16

full-fledged what I do It’s good And

00:04:20

if nearby parents said what kind of

00:04:22

crooked crafts you have What

00:04:25

stupid drawings do you have Or didn’t

00:04:27

pay attention at all Inferiority

00:04:29

is formed further with this set we’re

00:04:32

moving on to the next one stage and we arrive in

00:04:35

adolescence already full

00:04:36

or broken, and in

00:04:39

adolescence a person must find his way to

00:04:40

determine what life values

00:04:43

will move him, how he will behave,

00:04:45

what is good for him, what is bad for him

00:04:47

if he could not go through the previous stages

00:04:50

if his parents are very protective or his

00:04:53

parents don’t care about him, then his

00:04:55

identity is not formed and then he

00:04:57

will watch advertisements,

00:04:59

but he will have enough friends for

00:05:02

anyone, but he won’t have an opinion,

00:05:04

he will not move according to his

00:05:06

own values, but according to others’, and then at the

00:05:09

next stage, or will be formed the ability,

00:05:11

when you are holistic, to communicate with

00:05:13

other people and to be real, to be

00:05:15

open, to build close relationships, or

00:05:18

the person will be fake and like that, you know,

00:05:22

to isolate yourself most of the time from the

00:05:24

people around you and sometimes to come out with some kind of ostentatious

00:05:27

beautiful

00:05:28

story in public Well, again, if everything is

00:05:31

formed We go into creativity, we

00:05:33

realize our potential, we know how to love,

00:05:36

we know how to achieve success and are healthy. And

00:05:38

if some breakdowns occur, we

00:05:41

get stuck at these stages psychologically;

00:05:43

we are three years old, one year old, five years old, but

00:05:47

you’ll probably agree with me or not. I

00:05:50

don’t know, but I think that there are such people

00:05:51

who went through all these stages without a single

00:05:54

breakdown. But there are very few of them anyway, one thing

00:05:57

or another gets stuck with us,

00:05:59

let’s say there were some breakdowns at very

00:06:02

early stages, a year three years five years,

00:06:05

then we may not even

00:06:08

realize this. Let’s say parents don’t

00:06:10

remember this or someone may no longer have

00:06:12

anyone to tell them, so then how to deal with this,

00:06:14

how first of all is it Realize that at

00:06:16

such and such an age I had a breakdown and what to do with

00:06:18

it next, how to work with it and Is it

00:06:20

possible? - something to change in this Well,

00:06:23

you can realize it When you listen to such

00:06:25

wonderful programs as yours, read

00:06:27

articles Yes, you notice that something is

00:06:29

going wrong with you, I immediately want to say that

00:06:32

Pain is not the norm, we have a lot of songs in

00:06:36

films that show that love should

00:06:38

be unhappy. -that catastrophes

00:06:40

of people should constantly happen, but the

00:06:43

Norm is when a person is happy,

00:06:45

joyful and healthy if we understand that

00:06:47

the Norm is when I am joyful, healthy,

00:06:50

life is not interesting and suddenly I am in pain. I am

00:06:53

somewhere not adaptive, it does

00:06:55

n’t work out in my relationships, it doesn’t

00:06:57

work out at work something incredible is happening in my body,

00:07:00

this is the first reason

00:07:02

to think about what’s wrong with me, and

00:07:05

if you think about it as early as possible, when your

00:07:07

whole life has not yet collapsed, come to a

00:07:09

psychologist, the psychologist will find where this

00:07:11

breakdown is because most often people with these

00:07:13

breakdowns are in circles they don’t even walk in

00:07:15

circles it’s Dancing on a rake it’s

00:07:18

constantly painful the

00:07:21

same relationships are repeated

00:07:24

Similar types and so on For example, if for

00:07:27

example we are stuck at the

00:07:29

very, very first level Trust mistrust

00:07:32

And suddenly a person was born into such a family

00:07:35

Where they didn’t even take a hand Maybe the

00:07:37

child was stuck there for some time in the hospital, maybe they didn’t

00:07:39

want the child, the person then

00:07:41

grows up deficient until

00:07:44

someone next to him is his parent.

00:07:46

This woman is looking for a

00:07:49

man behind whom, like behind a stone

00:07:51

wall, she really wants him to decide on

00:07:53

her problems so that he gives her a feeling of

00:07:56

basic security that she did not

00:07:58

receive once in childhood, and then this

00:08:00

woman will be like a little child. She

00:08:02

will look for your mother, as I call

00:08:04

mom and dad, in such a single case. Yes,

00:08:08

she herself will be a little girl,

00:08:10

helpless, or she will frightened,

00:08:13

such a person should not approach anyone at all,

00:08:15

naturally it will be a dependent

00:08:17

relationship Because she is not an adult Why is

00:08:19

it bad if she came across a man

00:08:23

who is also looking for a little girl, he

00:08:26

had a shortage there with his daughter in general, for

00:08:29

example, or I don’t know how it works and

00:08:31

so they found each other and everything

00:08:33

is fine with them Yes, a man is looking for a little

00:08:35

girl most often when he has a breakdown

00:08:37

at the level of guilt, he wants to be

00:08:39

good and he has such a role inside him,

00:08:42

you know such an older brother or a

00:08:44

protective parent, but she is not real,

00:08:47

that is, it is not love, but rather such

00:08:49

hyperprotection, such children's hyperpetia,

00:08:51

happens in families when she is older, the youngest

00:08:53

child then they meet and in a

00:08:56

good version she will be a little

00:08:58

childish girl, he will be her

00:08:59

daddy, but most often in such a family

00:09:01

sex will collapse very quickly because

00:09:04

in a child’s parental relationship this is not

00:09:06

acceptable at worst case, she will be a

00:09:08

victim of a little girl and he will be

00:09:11

such an authoritarian, powerful abuser

00:09:14

who will tell her what to wear,

00:09:16

where should she go, who should she be friends with, he will

00:09:20

decide everything for her and most often this is such a

00:09:23

very suffocating story, but we

00:09:25

know a lot of such Star stories about such

00:09:28

authoritarian family Yes, well, you don’t even have to

00:09:32

go far to take Hollywood stars there,

00:09:34

you can watch the story of Madonna Yes,

00:09:37

you can watch Britney Spears, a very

00:09:39

bright story where she is such a

00:09:42

little girl, her dad raised her all her life, she

00:09:44

got married and there her

00:09:46

infantilism appeared, alcoholism even

00:09:48

during pregnancy and at the end in the end,

00:09:51

he left her anyway, you are a beeping

00:09:54

man who had a very negative

00:09:56

attitude towards her in principle, we understood

00:09:58

where the breakdown was, we realized it, what we do

00:10:01

next, how difficult it is, how easy it is to

00:10:05

get rid of it, what to do about it, is it possible to

00:10:07

do something about it yourself, the first thing is

00:10:10

always to realize To realize that what is

00:10:12

happening to me is not the norm and

00:10:15

start looking for search activity

00:10:17

should be included

00:10:18

and most often I do not even recommend that

00:10:21

women who are there or men

00:10:23

are in such dependent relationships

00:10:25

where one of them is infantile, more often than not both

00:10:28

can quickly escape from this relationship

00:10:31

directly treat your relationships with your life

00:10:33

as a training, that is,

00:10:35

something is happening in my life, something

00:10:38

is going wrong with something I encounter, we don’t

00:10:40

hurt, that means my

00:10:41

emotional habits, thinking, actions in an

00:10:44

inadequate situation, my picture of the world

00:10:47

is inadequate, that means we right to the bones Let's

00:10:49

analyze what strategies you

00:10:52

are using at this moment instead of

00:10:54

using adequate strategies and

00:10:56

then learning adequate strategies, well,

00:10:59

what is an inadequate strategy, for example, the

00:11:00

most common woman is offended That is,

00:11:04

she lives what a man will do if he likes to

00:11:07

guess, he will do as she

00:11:09

is waiting for him, he will be her to love Maybe she

00:11:12

will tolerate being silent Or maybe she

00:11:15

will try to be ideal and do

00:11:17

for him what she wants for herself and

00:11:20

when he doesn’t do it She will be

00:11:21

offended and go into something so cute What

00:11:24

happened to you Nothing, yes, my beloved,

00:11:28

this is an inadequate strategy these are

00:11:30

avoidance strategies where she kills herself and

00:11:33

kills relationships Because resentment is to be

00:11:36

offended to offend yourself because you do not

00:11:40

meet my expectations. And what

00:11:42

instead, instead, instead, you need to

00:11:44

learn to talk, it turns out you

00:11:46

need to say that I want to explain to the

00:11:49

person how I want, maybe take

00:11:52

the initiative maybe you can ask and

00:11:55

sometimes even get it no Sometimes yes

00:11:57

sometimes no sometimes not now sometimes you can

00:12:00

somehow implement it yourself and these are the

00:12:02

little stories step by step where there are

00:12:05

habits of thinking, emotion,

00:12:07

actions, sorting it out little by little you can

00:12:09

rebuild your script to grow what is

00:12:12

at each stage they are very clear,

00:12:14

these strategies, but the offense tells

00:12:16

us when a person is

00:12:18

offended a lot, often offended. This

00:12:21

indicates that he had a breakdown at

00:12:22

what stage, what happened in childhood,

00:12:26

very often, everyone

00:12:29

has some pieces of breakdowns right from childhood and most

00:12:32

often you can’t take the initiative,

00:12:35

and this is generally our story, in

00:12:37

principle, about women in the post-Soviet

00:12:39

space, a woman can’t take the

00:12:41

initiative, you can’t show aggression,

00:12:43

aggression is leadership Energy,

00:12:46

and then if you can’t take

00:12:48

the initiative, you can’t speak. You can’t

00:12:51

ask, then what’s the way to be offended and

00:12:54

wait to play the role of the victim so that someone

00:12:56

would guess, perhaps in childhood when she

00:12:59

was offended or she was sick, after all, her

00:13:01

parents paid attention to her and

00:13:03

gave her what she wanted, then it was generally

00:13:05

very firmly entrenched, so it is

00:13:08

very important to find that it does not work and the

00:13:10

most interesting thing is that grievances are

00:13:12

psychosomatic, the worst thing is if

00:13:14

a person is constantly offended, we get

00:13:16

oncology,

00:13:17

so it would be very cool to be treated for this story

00:13:20

in the first place, but what if you do

00:13:22

this now, you can now go a little to the top, how to

00:13:24

get rid of grievances, here are the habits of being offended

00:13:28

by this feeling Well, it’s not even a feeling at all

00:13:31

in fact, I’m angry with you that you don’t

00:13:35

meet my expectations, but at the

00:13:39

same time I’m silent,

00:13:40

at the same time I’m inventing some kind of

00:13:43

story for myself that cannot be said. Yes, even if

00:13:46

I’m not silent, I’m speaking, but still a feeling of

00:13:48

resentment.

00:13:51

the role of a

00:13:53

small child who,

00:13:56

firstly, cannot fully

00:13:58

understand his needs, and secondly, they firmly believe that it is

00:14:02

impossible to satisfy these needs on their own, this is an insult,

00:14:05

in fact, this is an emotion that a child can retain until he is three years old,

00:14:09

why because the

00:14:11

parents have great significant resources, all resources are in

00:14:14

their hands the child can’t really influence

00:14:16

then he sits and waits and pouts there for a

00:14:19

while, he will fight, then he

00:14:22

pouts and sits, I want it to be an

00:14:25

adult woman or an adult man,

00:14:28

these are people who actually already have

00:14:30

resources, they have knowledge, they have

00:14:33

experience, they have money They have hands,

00:14:35

feet, words in order to already learn to

00:14:38

get up, don’t freeze in it, but get up, do

00:14:41

something, realize your need

00:14:44

and think who can satisfy it And

00:14:47

in what form, if it’s a man, find

00:14:49

a way to tell him about it in a way

00:14:52

that is constructive and appropriate

00:14:55

This means that I need to come out of a small child,

00:14:56

tell myself that I am a worthy adult

00:14:59

woman, I have the right to talk and

00:15:03

remove him from the pedestal of a parental

00:15:06

relationship of equal value, and even say that

00:15:08

this man is of equal value to me, I can

00:15:10

turn to him and it turns out that in

00:15:13

general, a request is a gift for a man

00:15:15

because a man really wants to be

00:15:18

needed by nature, healthy, and a

00:15:21

woman’s request is a holiday for him for a healthy person,

00:15:24

again, that’s why there are so many

00:15:27

habits that make up fate,

00:15:30

because what is fate, it’s essentially

00:15:33

psychological mathematics, every day

00:15:35

we somehow think, somehow feel

00:15:38

we do something Day by day, little by little, this is with

00:15:40

in character traits character traits

00:15:43

have developed into a character character

00:15:44

determines fate a person with a

00:15:46

difficult fate comes to a psychologist and says I’m

00:15:49

offended, they don’t like me, they devalue me, they

00:15:51

offend me, I’m not fulfilled at work, I don’t get paid well

00:15:55

there, I don’t get paid well

00:15:58

these are the symptoms And in these symptoms What

00:16:02

habits are there And then little by little this

00:16:04

math me and realizing that it doesn’t

00:16:06

work changing to what works the person

00:16:08

begins to behave differently I’m

00:16:10

just telling you the not very not very

00:16:14

fast way how much is it from your experience

00:16:16

how long does it take to

00:16:18

transform habits and change As a

00:16:21

result, fate has very different

00:16:23

individual degrees of

00:16:25

these breakdowns

00:16:28

Yes, and Well, if you complicate it a little,

00:16:31

maybe it could be neurosis when

00:16:33

such a weak degree of, let’s say, problems

00:16:36

It could be a personality disorder

00:16:38

when there is already such a degree of problems, there

00:16:40

may be more problems in general in psychiatry, a

00:16:42

psychologist works with the first two and with

00:16:45

neurosis, this is short-term therapy, the

00:16:48

actions of consultations are

00:16:49

longer-term, but maybe a year. So

00:16:52

good, and with personality

00:16:54

disorders it’s almost constant

00:16:55

support. That is, it all depends on the

00:16:57

individual, on some individual

00:17:00

problems, but often in my practice

00:17:03

the most complex problems have not been solved for more than a year.

00:17:06

They come even if women and she has

00:17:09

these breakdowns at all levels. How

00:17:11

often in our post-Soviet society there is

00:17:13

a year of deep integrative therapy when there

00:17:17

is work with thinking and work with the

00:17:20

body and work with the unconscious with

00:17:22

the help of hypnosis, a person changes your

00:17:25

life in all spheres

00:17:26

among adults, more than men

00:17:30

or women, both of them. Just

00:17:33

in different ways, let’s look at what an

00:17:36

infantile man looks like, oh, you and I

00:17:38

can go straight out into the street, you’ll see

00:17:40

these smoking people who smoke stand with

00:17:43

nipples, sometimes it’s funny to me because what do I

00:17:45

say to anyone who smokes at the training, I ask

00:17:47

and hand out such pacifiers, sweets so that they

00:17:50

directly realize what they are doing, they are

00:17:53

stuck at a certain childhood stage,

00:17:55

they calm down in this way. In fact, it’s as

00:17:58

if at that moment they are suckling their

00:18:00

mother’s breast and are in some kind of

00:18:03

such in a certain trance, this is an addiction,

00:18:06

like for example people who drink,

00:18:08

take drugs, sit on their phones all the time,

00:18:12

eat, it’s all we have infantile

00:18:15

adults who in reality are not

00:18:17

adaptive, they cannot in this

00:18:19

reality just be in contact with

00:18:21

themselves VKontakte with reality and take

00:18:24

actions so that life can be everything happier

00:18:26

and happier they need to hide, they don’t hide,

00:18:28

they hide in alcohol, they

00:18:30

hide in smoking, they hide in

00:18:32

eating, they hide in suffering, that

00:18:34

is, they are all hiding in this, if

00:18:36

we see that a person is hiding from life,

00:18:37

he is not realized in different spheres, his

00:18:40

eyes are not his basic emotions are burning,

00:18:42

interesting, his face is not detected, then most

00:18:45

likely we see an infantile adult in front of us.

00:18:47

What an

00:18:49

infantile man expresses is about

00:18:50

responsibility, he does not take

00:18:52

responsibility for his life for his

00:18:55

family, that is, I don’t know, there is a fear of

00:18:58

becoming a father, a fear in general get married

00:19:01

what is this expressed in, if

00:19:03

more specifically, including what you

00:19:06

said Yes, but I want to expand on the word

00:19:09

responsibility, we rarely understand what

00:19:11

it is not to take responsibility

00:19:13

is impossible because responsibility

00:19:16

is a response to your actions or

00:19:18

inactions from the world of people, your

00:19:20

health, that is, in In any case,

00:19:21

you get

00:19:22

infantile people don’t understand the answer, they

00:19:26

don’t understand the cause-and-trace relationship. Why do

00:19:29

they feel pain? They think that their Pain was caused by

00:19:33

someone to them by the state. There’s a

00:19:36

wife, husband, children,

00:19:38

boss, that is, someone is to blame for this; there’s

00:19:40

no cause-and-effect relationship. What my

00:19:43

actions my behavior my thinking

00:19:46

influenced this how different types of men will look like

00:19:48

these are very small

00:19:51

dependents in the first stages who are stuck

00:19:53

who like to hang out there and smoke

00:19:56

this is what we will have such children who

00:19:59

will find themselves women who

00:20:01

play a maternal role who decide everything for

00:20:03

them they will be like this, they even walk

00:20:06

down the street a little hunched over,

00:20:07

this is most often men who have a

00:20:10

fairly low social status and

00:20:13

they have such tense angry wives

00:20:15

who are angry with them that they are a

00:20:17

greasy stain on the sofa with a bottle of beer they do

00:20:19

n’t want to do anything the same about the

00:20:21

same Butterfly boys who don’t want to

00:20:24

get married don’t want children, they want to

00:20:27

have fun, they need a lot of women to

00:20:30

entertain them. That is, it’s the

00:20:32

same story, but on the other hand, a

00:20:34

hyper-protective man who

00:20:36

tries to take the woman into his power

00:20:39

to decide everything for her, he’s also infantile, he’s

00:20:41

couldn’t build such interdependent

00:20:44

partnerships where they walk side by side

00:20:46

where men and women are significant where each

00:20:49

of them is a leader where they know how to

00:20:51

negotiate he needs to

00:20:52

assert himself at the expense of a woman he

00:20:55

needs to feel strong his mother

00:20:57

called him to obey he has a feeling of

00:21:00

guilt inside him working he came to he

00:21:02

had a blast with his wife He feels that

00:21:04

next to her he is a male he told her

00:21:06

that without him she would not have survived at all

00:21:09

it is always like this from above or below a

00:21:12

person is an

00:21:13

adult and an adult He

00:21:15

can be on an equal footing he can be

00:21:17

sincere open real respect

00:21:19

it doesn’t matter to another person whether it’s a man or a

00:21:21

woman, and women are infantile. Well,

00:21:24

accordingly, she’s either a little

00:21:26

girl, a victim, or a mommy, or a mommy,

00:21:29

or a mommy, and here she can be a

00:21:32

little beautiful girl with

00:21:36

the idea that you love me because I’m

00:21:39

beautiful, I’m the decoration of your home, so

00:21:42

I should provide for me must

00:21:44

be entertained I must be fine,

00:21:46

such a doll in pink frills and

00:21:50

we can see it too, and

00:21:53

unfortunately, in therapy we also often

00:21:55

encounter enormous cruelty

00:21:58

from rich men who are simply

00:22:00

used and they think that this is a beautiful

00:22:02

life to get into to the rich man a cage and then a

00:22:05

Golden cage Mockery Yes,

00:22:07

humiliation, devaluation and so on,

00:22:10

or a helpless woman who sincerely

00:22:13

believes that she herself is not capable of anything,

00:22:15

she cannot live without him, she constantly feels

00:22:18

bad without him, She constantly writes to him,

00:22:20

calls her, I really can’t believe it we’re not sure

00:22:24

which one won’t go to work or if

00:22:26

she does

00:22:27

it will also be a very low position,

00:22:30

most often women will not go into

00:22:33

alcoholism, thank God. Although there are

00:22:35

also plenty of such cases,

00:22:37

I remember about the stars of history such

00:22:40

that you can talk because they

00:22:42

are on the Internet. Well, for example, Larisa

00:22:44

Guzeeva at the age of 25 she married the man she

00:22:47

worked with, he was a drug addict, she was an

00:22:50

alcoholic at that moment. So they had

00:22:51

two children together, they both met badly and

00:22:55

they hid in substances from this pain

00:22:58

until they divorced, thank God, then

00:23:00

development began, that is,

00:23:02

some kind of helplessly dependent... then such a non-adaptive one

00:23:05

who sincerely believes that without a man

00:23:08

she can’t cope at all, in any way. And

00:23:11

such a woman will endure, will remain

00:23:16

silent, will suffer, will

00:23:18

engage in masochism, but there is also some kind of horse of us

00:23:22

burning

00:23:25

infantilism Yes, when You need to

00:23:28

control everyone, look, it often happens

00:23:30

when there’s a breakdown at the beginning of distrust in the world,

00:23:33

her initiative works and then she,

00:23:36

for example, feels inferior; she

00:23:38

was told that she should always be an

00:23:40

excellent student and do everything perfectly and then

00:23:42

she has basic anxiety. She is

00:23:44

very afraid that something in the world will go wrong. And

00:23:46

she has installation that everything should be

00:23:48

perfect then she will control

00:23:50

her husband he should live as it is right the

00:23:53

children of all the neighbors yes of course they already

00:23:57

have the correct picture she will

00:23:58

educate everyone this permitted form of

00:24:01

aggression will be used she will

00:24:02

study a lot she will know a lot she

00:24:05

will work a lot she will

00:24:06

tell everyone how to do it and control

00:24:08

them every minute. Have

00:24:11

you seen stories

00:24:14

like how to raise children so that they don’t

00:24:17

grow up as infantile adults? It’s

00:24:20

such happiness that you’re asking me about this now

00:24:22

because when I do my

00:24:24

own courses, I always try

00:24:26

in advance even when a person is just

00:24:28

planning a pregnancy talk about

00:24:30

what is important to do; it is important to understand what

00:24:33

stages the psyche goes through and what kind of person

00:24:36

we want to raise our child. After all,

00:24:38

when we go to study for our license, we really

00:24:41

go to study. We learn to drive a car,

00:24:44

we learn to press buttons, we learn the rules,

00:24:46

but raising a child is important to directly

00:24:50

want to learn the rules of psychology

00:24:52

not it’s so difficult there aren’t so many of these stages,

00:24:55

when the

00:24:58

little baby is just born in the first months, take

00:25:01

him in your arms more often, see what

00:25:03

needs he actually has and

00:25:06

satisfy them, then he will

00:25:08

develop optimism, he will be healthy, she will

00:25:10

develop trust in the world.

00:25:15

Don’t take this terrible advice into your hands under any circumstances, otherwise you’ll get used to it; it’s

00:25:18

complete [ __ ] that breaks people at the

00:25:21

very beginning; then he grows up; he’s a year old;

00:25:33

make it convenient for a child a year old He says, I’ll

00:25:36

take my hands off there I’m starting to sound, that

00:25:40

is, here autonomy goes for the child and

00:25:43

give him this autonomy as much

00:25:44

as possible, accompanying him nearby so that something

00:25:49

life-threatening simply doesn’t happen, then we move on to the next stage

00:25:52

where the initiative is formed he

00:25:54

explores the world, he climbs into all these

00:25:57

sockets everywhere, in the kitchen, on the cabinets, and so

00:26:00

on, also organize again so that

00:26:03

his initiative is possibly safe,

00:26:06

but safe, but perhaps sometimes even a

00:26:09

little dangerous.

00:26:13

peace because overprotection also

00:26:15

works very poorly and in no case should you

00:26:17

blame you are bad you

00:26:19

turned it upside down you broke it Because if you

00:26:22

blame if you make the child comfortable

00:26:24

like mothers it is very convenient then what will grow up is not a

00:26:27

real person, not living, not

00:26:29

living life, but a good one, these Here

00:26:32

we have good women, good

00:26:34

men who try their best to

00:26:37

show, yes, everyone rides great on them,

00:26:40

then we move on to the next stage,

00:26:42

the child went to kindergarten to school, a very

00:26:44

difficult stage from the point of view of the fact that not

00:26:47

only parents influence, not only mom, not

00:26:49

only dad also teachers and educators

00:26:52

and I really want to influence them so that

00:26:54

they also understand How the world works,

00:26:55

emphasize what the child can do

00:26:59

Where Well, not really praise Well,

00:27:03

this is a simple example, there is a notebook for

00:27:06

first-graders in which he somehow

00:27:07

writes a letter there, he is just starting to learn

00:27:09

most often the teacher emphasizes what

00:27:12

he didn’t succeed in and in

00:27:15

some big letters and numbers

00:27:18

he means it, this child comes

00:27:20

home if the teacher is like that at least the mother

00:27:23

should say Look, you

00:27:25

did this and you did this and

00:27:27

emphasize what the child did

00:27:29

and the more that what happened is emphasized,

00:27:32

the more Diligence will grow

00:27:33

because where is the attention there is the

00:27:36

energy at the next stage we will move on to

00:27:39

learning about one’s values the child will

00:27:42

rebel in adolescence,

00:27:45

look for people who will be his

00:27:47

idols and ask there, how mom lives,

00:27:50

how dad lives, watch others, we need to

00:27:52

give him the opportunity to explore the world,

00:27:54

communicate with peers, guide him

00:27:57

to the environment that suits him

00:28:00

best. Yes, and in terms of status, level. Well, that

00:28:04

is, such a guide is more likely the function of a

00:28:06

parent at every stage. Observing

00:28:08

what he now it is necessary And where is this edge of

00:28:10

Freedom and safety? It seems that we give

00:28:13

freedom to a teenager, but at the same time there are a

00:28:15

lot of temptations and with a minus sign at this

00:28:19

age a lot depends

00:28:21

here on the family scenario and When

00:28:23

a child grows up in a prosperous family where

00:28:26

mom and dad are themselves happy where they themselves go

00:28:28

in for sports there,

00:28:30

eat right, their lives are interesting to them, their

00:28:33

eyes light up, they talk to each other

00:28:34

in an interesting way, they travel there together,

00:28:37

play some games,

00:28:39

interesting people come to them, this is an

00:28:41

ideal option. Well, I’m telling you

00:28:43

the ideal, at least some elements would be

00:28:45

take from it if a child is

00:28:48

good at it, by adolescence he

00:28:50

will absorb it and he will not be in great danger;

00:28:51

in any case, the

00:28:53

foundations of these values will be formed

00:28:56

approximately similar to his parents. He will

00:28:58

try something, but it is not a fact that something is terrible,

00:29:01

but if the inside of the family is full of Trash, the

00:29:05

parents are arguing, someone is drinking,

00:29:08

they are fighting, they don’t like their job,

00:29:11

they are discussing what a terrible state,

00:29:13

what terrible people, Well, again, I am completely

00:29:16

black Yes, I am drawing, the child will, on the one

00:29:18

hand, not want to absorb it How

00:29:20

parents live, row, try to find

00:29:23

what something else, if they forbid it, the worst thing will be to

00:29:25

find and run away

00:29:29

because a teenager has the basic needs of

00:29:30

communication with peers, learning about his

00:29:32

values. He really needs this if he is

00:29:35

guided, if he is given a good base. He will

00:29:38

easily pass this stage; guide him by

00:29:41

example. No, let’s say there is

00:29:44

some- then the group of friends with whom

00:29:46

my child communicates. For example, I do

00:29:48

n’t like her and I say, Listen, well,

00:29:51

Masha is bad in this, don’t be friends with Masha, he’s friends

00:29:54

with Pita, he says, Listen, I’m not

00:29:56

interested in drinking, I’m interested in how Masha

00:29:58

will influence one hundred percent, because he

00:30:01

will to be friends with someone you like if you

00:30:03

say Why don’t like it here I

00:30:06

always want to ask my mother for

00:30:08

what reason is this really is

00:30:12

this a serious reason because

00:30:14

sometimes parents try to impose their

00:30:16

vision of their picture of the world on a person Well,

00:30:18

let’s say Masha is stupid Masha is not

00:30:22

smart, but Petya is such an excellent student, a smart

00:30:25

boy, are you friends with him? Yes, this is such

00:30:27

pressure. But you can talk to

00:30:29

your child a little differently,

00:30:30

give him the opportunity to explore the world

00:30:32

and then ask questions. Why are you

00:30:34

interested in this person? Please tell me.

00:30:35

Why are you interested in

00:30:37

showing him what - there are still other

00:30:39

opportunities to discuss asking something

00:30:41

at this moment you feel and what I’m

00:30:43

saying now, yes, in

00:30:46

principle, many people in the family are not built to talk and ask

00:30:48

questions because the parents themselves, if they did

00:30:50

not go through these stages, they did

00:30:53

not learn to be sincere in adolescence they have

00:30:56

n’t learned to be open with each other,

00:30:57

most often there are a lot of things that are

00:31:00

forbidden in the family and then the prohibitions, the cries

00:31:04

of coercion, will push this

00:31:06

teenager in the most unnecessary directions, on the contrary, the

00:31:09

parents of the teenagers also come, they

00:31:11

come with the fact that there the teenager

00:31:13

is cutting himself, now I’ll comment

00:31:16

directly on this, he’s drinking there tries Drugs

00:31:19

does not come home and when we start

00:31:22

to figure it out, for example, the damage itself is a

00:31:24

very scary story, but it often happens in

00:31:27

some fairly prosperous families,

00:31:29

why because the parents know how to do it

00:31:33

correctly more often, the mother knows very well

00:31:35

how to do it correctly, she clearly tells

00:31:38

her daughter her son how you should

00:31:40

or should eat under It’s prohibited there to

00:31:42

try anything harmful, Coca-Cola, I

00:31:46

don’t know, a hamburger, something else that

00:31:48

friends like, it’s all forbidden

00:31:51

to study, you have to go there only to

00:31:54

this place that has status, communicate

00:31:56

only with these people, talk like that,

00:31:58

dress like that,

00:32:00

strict limits If suddenly a teenager,

00:32:03

especially a girl, tries to get out of this framework, the

00:32:05

mother grabs the heart and says you want to

00:32:08

bring me down, everything in life

00:32:10

won’t work out for you, I’m

00:32:12

trying for you, I’ve given you my whole life for

00:32:14

manipulation, and then such a girl or

00:32:18

such a boy closes inward,

00:32:20

suppresses his feelings, suppresses she

00:32:23

forgets her aggression about her boundaries and

00:32:25

then this aggression must come out somewhere and

00:32:28

this aggression most often goes to

00:32:30

damage her body Why Yes, at least I will

00:32:33

feel that the body is mine

00:32:34

and this is how it is realized,

00:32:37

so the picture that

00:32:39

she just painted right now shows that it’s

00:32:41

probably worth taking a closer look at your

00:32:42

child to see that this is a person, too,

00:32:44

to see that he’s probably different from you,

00:32:46

maybe remember yourself as a

00:32:49

teenager and remember how

00:32:52

it was, maybe this will help, maybe it’s

00:32:55

just a case of not remembering yourself as a

00:32:57

teenager because, as a

00:32:58

rule, It seems to me that they have such parents,

00:33:00

their parents were the same and listened,

00:33:04

for example, and can say Well, I

00:33:06

grew up as a normal person and nothing happened. And

00:33:09

who told you that you are normal,

00:33:10

it happens, and sometimes they themselves are weird in

00:33:14

adolescence, yes yes And they think that

00:33:17

their daughters are theirs I don’t want this for my son,

00:33:19

so now I’m forcing him to live a

00:33:21

different life and they don’t allow me to explore the world, I

00:33:23

can’t help but ask your attitude towards

00:33:26

gadgets, here are teenagers and gadgets and

00:33:28

mobile phones,

00:33:30

again, teenagers’ dependence on

00:33:33

gadgets This is just a consequence of a

00:33:34

symptom, you

00:33:36

and I know what a gadget is a

00:33:38

wonderful thing to

00:33:40

solve work problems with it, you can

00:33:42

talk on the phone, you can

00:33:44

post materials there on social networks, you can learn

00:33:46

something, learn, it’s just a

00:33:50

resource that we can use for the

00:33:52

benefit of our lives, and also a teenager

00:33:54

can use it for the benefit of his

00:33:56

life if he has his life is real if

00:33:59

he realizes his potential if he

00:34:01

communicates with peers if he has

00:34:03

interests in life that are really interesting

00:34:04

if he feels like a Personality

00:34:07

Dear he has a fairly good

00:34:09

relationship with his parents But if somewhere in

00:34:12

these parts there is a breakdown somewhere you have to

00:34:14

hide any addiction is a way of

00:34:17

escaping from reality now, fortunately, there

00:34:20

are more than a hundred of these addictions according to the ICD, so

00:34:22

you can, for example, choose a more or less

00:34:24

safe gadget, we hid there and

00:34:27

we forgot about the fact that we can’t

00:34:29

cope with life, that somewhere we don’t

00:34:31

respect ourselves, there are some complexes within us at

00:34:33

this moment we don’t hear we live here in

00:34:36

You can watch him and our whole life is

00:34:38

there most often they hide there

00:34:40

when we say addiction is what we

00:34:43

mean How to understand that a

00:34:45

teenager is already addicted to a gadget or

00:34:48

this But it’s simple spends a lot of time there

00:34:50

and we are talking now about

00:34:53

addiction

00:34:54

from the point of view of the fact that this is already an addiction,

00:34:57

that is, a negative addiction that

00:34:59

destroys life. Well, like a telephone, food there and I

00:35:03

don’t even know, a glass of red wine there

00:35:06

can be harmless to a person,

00:35:08

it can even be useful if it in

00:35:11

some kind of normal food, we generally

00:35:13

need life without Phones can’t survive We

00:35:15

now in the modern world also

00:35:17

need dependence becomes

00:35:19

addiction when it eats up

00:35:22

other areas of life when health is destroyed

00:35:25

When relationships are destroyed

00:35:28

when a person becomes not adaptive, that

00:35:31

is, he is not adaptive, he runs away into

00:35:33

addiction he is becoming even more non-

00:35:35

adaptive he emerged from addiction

00:35:37

looked at the world Oh again I can’t cope again

00:35:39

I dived in there both as a teenager

00:35:42

and an adult Who dived into some kind of addiction

00:35:44

into any into the phone into eating

00:35:47

shopaholism into alcoholism needs to be taught to

00:35:50

cope with life needs to be taught to

00:35:52

go through these stages and grow up,

00:35:54

if you simplify it, and as each stage goes through a

00:35:57

person begins to cope with life more and more,

00:35:59

then life becomes more interesting

00:36:01

because happiness is what this

00:36:04

participation is when I am one hundred percent in the moment,

00:36:07

I live it, I feel it, I

00:36:10

interact, why do I need the extra Time in

00:36:13

the gadget or some kind of

00:36:15

another bun Yes, which I’m stuck on You

00:36:18

said that infantilism leads to

00:36:20

addictions to alcohol to love,

00:36:22

even Let’s talk about this in more detail

00:36:25

and what is infantilism, again, a person

00:36:27

has not grown up Yes, such a terrible story, but

00:36:31

it’s very metaphorically beautiful in ancient

00:36:35

times, people mocked people, that

00:36:39

is, they stole children, bought children there and

00:36:42

made freaks out of them. We remember the whole

00:36:45

history of Huim captivity, or there were other

00:36:48

stories when they took small children,

00:36:50

put them in certain vessels and the

00:36:53

children grew up with broken

00:36:56

joints and crooked ones. bodies like that,

00:36:58

they were all terrible, you know, I was so

00:37:01

happy

00:37:02

they were not adaptive But it was fun, that’s what it

00:37:06

looks like to me

00:37:08

metaphorically psychologically, infantilism, a

00:37:11

person has not grown in some parts of

00:37:14

him, as if some parts of his

00:37:16

psychological body are not working

00:37:18

and then we get this problem, that is, the

00:37:21

person is not adaptive in this life, what do we

00:37:25

need to do? We need to grow him up in these

00:37:27

parts where he is infantile,

00:37:29

let’s take

00:37:32

alcohol addiction specifically.

00:37:40

make out Yes, what does this mean where is the

00:37:42

breakdown? What is love

00:37:45

addiction expressed and what does it lead to and how to

00:37:48

overcome it? A person is stuck on the feeling

00:37:52

that the world is unsafe and is looking for a man

00:37:55

who will solve all problems. But

00:37:57

if this woman is most often approached by

00:38:00

women, then there is a man who

00:38:03

seems to solve the problem,

00:38:05

I can’t solve it myself, but he can

00:38:08

then we, like puzzles, must

00:38:10

come together into some kind of single whole. This is a

00:38:13

toxic story, the theory of two halves,

00:38:15

I am half, he is half, I have some

00:38:18

breakdowns, he has others, we are like puzzles

00:38:19

connected And then being separated from him is

00:38:22

very painful and scary and

00:38:25

addiction arises. I can’t live without him. I can’t

00:38:27

breathe without him. I ca

00:38:30

n’t think without him. If he’s cheating there

00:38:32

or he doesn’t answer my phone, all the

00:38:34

thoughts about him I’m not there at that moment. I live, I

00:38:37

don’t breathe, like in songs they sing children, they don’t

00:38:40

raise things, I don’t do everything I’m

00:38:43

there because the psyche is stuck with this

00:38:46

person and it seems that only he and

00:38:49

thanks to him I can be happy. That’s

00:38:52

love addiction, I can’t do it without

00:38:54

him in order to get out of it. What

00:38:56

I need to make sure that I can do it so that I can live

00:38:59

without him Yes, it’s not even necessary to

00:39:03

break up, but it’s important to slowly begin to

00:39:06

understand that I’m an adult, I can handle it I know how to

00:39:09

create security, I wo

00:39:12

n’t die without him, I can continue to work,

00:39:15

some people stop eating, Yes, when

00:39:18

he suffers from love, I can continue to

00:39:21

take care of their children there, after all, they also

00:39:22

abandon their children when in love

00:39:24

dependence my life is valuable in

00:39:28

itself and when we turn to face

00:39:31

ourselves and say I myself can do it too, I am a

00:39:34

full-fledged person, this usefulness

00:39:36

can be built, learn to take care of

00:39:39

your body, don’t wait for what when

00:39:42

they will pay attention to me there they will respond to an SMS I

00:39:44

will take care of myself and now I will

00:39:46

destroy myself lie there die in depression

00:39:48

no sleep normally eat normally

00:39:51

walk play sports now

00:39:54

some kind of base has been formed the strength is

00:39:56

no longer so helpless I

00:39:58

coped with it I’m taking the next step what I

00:40:02

can’t do without him that I won’t

00:40:04

earn some little money there

00:40:06

without him or I can’t communicate with people

00:40:08

without him That is, every woman will have

00:40:10

some of her own stories of fears that

00:40:13

she allegedly can’t live without him where she is without

00:40:15

him, she won’t survive and slowly

00:40:18

build herself up And when I understand that I

00:40:20

can do a lot Perhaps it’s not even this

00:40:23

person who should be next to me, and you

00:40:26

know me, this question is, what if there is a love

00:40:28

addiction, let’s say a woman is in a love

00:40:29

addiction to a

00:40:31

specific man She is from she goes out and

00:40:33

meets another man, she

00:40:35

will also have the same love addiction to

00:40:38

another and a third to a tenth or only

00:40:40

to one person, as a rule, but

00:40:44

it’s a pity no Where to draw That is, when

00:40:47

this woman is formed, let’s

00:40:49

imagine that she is about to

00:40:52

have a full Circle formed

00:40:54

she was formed as a whole with some

00:40:57

holes, she has a trauma somewhere, this is what they

00:40:59

call in psychology, somewhere she has a

00:41:01

trauma there, a trauma of rejection, let’s assume

00:41:03

she was once rejected in childhood and

00:41:06

then she goes through life, the psyche works like this

00:41:09

that She falls in love with she goes crazy and has

00:41:12

butterflies in her stomach and feels from that

00:41:13

man who psychologically very

00:41:16

much resembles the man who

00:41:18

when she traumatized her, she chooses him, he

00:41:22

looks like an adult to her, but in

00:41:24

reality he will reject her in this relationship,

00:41:26

she will be hurt, she will

00:41:29

cling to him, here she is love

00:41:30

addiction, this love for her is

00:41:33

Love Yes, this is an adrenaline addiction,

00:41:35

it is organized inside, very powerful and on a

00:41:37

chemical level on a psychological level, she is

00:41:40

always trying to get from him what she did not

00:41:42

receive from her parent in childhood,

00:41:43

for example, if this does not give, for example, from her

00:41:46

father or mother, it often happens from

00:41:48

the mother even more and in the end she

00:41:51

can’t stand it or he leaves her if

00:41:53

she hasn’t healed this hole,

00:41:56

this hole is walking around the world in the spring, especially

00:41:58

now and she again feels these

00:42:02

butterflies in her stomach for a person who

00:42:04

will again also unconsciously

00:42:06

psychologically remind him a person

00:42:09

who once hurt her and

00:42:11

thus she will go on her own rake for

00:42:13

three marriages 5-10 until she understands

00:42:16

that there is a hole in her and when she

00:42:18

closes it, she will not get butterflies for him anymore

00:42:22

And the men who reject he is

00:42:26

also some kind of trauma, of course. What does this mean?

00:42:29

When we studied sexology, it

00:42:31

was the biggest shock for me that

00:42:33

men, from the point of view of sexology, have

00:42:35

much more trauma. Although this can be explained very simply,

00:42:37

because men are raised by

00:42:39

women, their mother raises them later,

00:42:41

then a kindergarten teacher. the teacher and

00:42:43

everyone there is yelling nervously and so

00:42:46

on you shouldn’t Who is a

00:42:48

rejecting man This is a man who

00:42:51

once in childhood was faced with the fact that a

00:42:54

woman with her emotions was scary, for

00:42:57

example, a single mother or was she

00:42:59

very nervous that her dad did not

00:43:01

satisfy and when he

00:43:03

was little, he because she opens the

00:43:06

door with the key, he heard what

00:43:08

mood she was in, he is wildly afraid that he will

00:43:10

fly, that they will blame him, that they will

00:43:13

make a complaint to him, that she will take out

00:43:15

some of her emotions on him, and then for him

00:43:18

any manifestation female emotions,

00:43:20

some kind of tears, some kind of increased

00:43:23

attention for him, it’s scary, he has a

00:43:26

small child inside him, he

00:43:27

shrinks, and as soon as a woman

00:43:29

begins to step on his boundaries a little more,

00:43:31

he immediately runs away, he stops

00:43:34

answering her, he stops calling her, I don’t know

00:43:37

she moves away into another room,

00:43:39

hides, covers her ears, doesn’t answer her, and

00:43:42

he has this childish fear. It often

00:43:44

happens that in a couple, one is a

00:43:46

magnificent adult, well done, and the other

00:43:48

person is always childish, like puzzles, with

00:43:50

their injuries, people unite and

00:43:52

dance on a rake together, and how can I

00:43:55

help them? to solve these traumas, someone should at

00:43:58

least come to therapy, at

00:44:00

least one of the couple, when one begins

00:44:03

to change, due to the fact that he begins to

00:44:05

change, he begins to behave differently

00:44:07

with this person, and if this is

00:44:10

careful behavior accompanied by a

00:44:12

psychologist, then more often everything and the second thing

00:44:14

begins to change if this couple has

00:44:16

potential, if there is a lot of

00:44:19

discord and there is no potential, then the couple

00:44:21

breaks up and everyone can find then more

00:44:23

often it breaks up when

00:44:26

these traumas overgrow 50 to 50, well, it’s an

00:44:29

amazing thing that in some people they are generally

00:44:32

crazy couples, just now I remembered

00:44:34

one Star Sail who worked for

00:44:36

them, it was like this, it seems to me that at the beginning

00:44:38

they were ready to kill each other, abandon

00:44:40

each other, just gradually, one

00:44:43

worked Any person from this couple and they are

00:44:46

now living in a wonderful marriage, both are

00:44:49

happy because one is changing

00:44:51

begins to communicate differently, stops being

00:44:52

offended there, expressing

00:44:54

complaints, stops stepping on this

00:44:56

trauma of the second person and the other then

00:44:58

warms up if there

00:45:00

is at least a little compatibility of values, similar

00:45:03

bodies, people go to talk ready Then there

00:45:05

is potential, the same people

00:45:08

initially generally agreed where they are

00:45:10

completely unsuitable for each other, too, because

00:45:12

there is such a story, most often how an

00:45:14

addicted woman falls in love,

00:45:15

potentially addicted, she saw him, oh,

00:45:18

tall means smart, means kind. So he will

00:45:21

give money, he

00:45:23

will love, and so on, but it does

00:45:25

n’t mean anything, just tall, she

00:45:27

started living with him he’s trying to

00:45:30

build his own castle in the air, he doesn’t listen And then, let’s

00:45:32

say she came to therapy, she

00:45:35

begins to slowly open her eyes,

00:45:36

self-deception leaves, she examines him, it turns out he’s just

00:45:39

tall and has

00:45:42

different values. We

00:45:44

don’t like children and doesn’t earn money.

00:45:46

And why am I even with this person? I’m with

00:45:49

them It’s not even interesting to be with him, and I even

00:45:50

physically try to get away from him

00:45:53

because it smells somehow different from what

00:45:55

would suit me. The eyes open, Yes, the eyes

00:45:57

open. But these injuries can be

00:45:59

completely cured, or psychotherapy

00:46:03

simply gives you the opportunity to look at

00:46:05

them and realize them. to understand that here

00:46:08

some kind of trauma of mine is triggered,

00:46:10

let’s say, I understand this and I don’t go there,

00:46:12

but it’s still there. I believe that

00:46:16

it’s possible, but like any trauma, we still have scars both

00:46:18

on our bodies and on

00:46:20

our souls, but when we have gone a different

00:46:23

way, we have developed other habits of thinking,

00:46:26

emotionalization. We can feel

00:46:27

such a certain pain as an echo on our old trauma,

00:46:30

but tell ourselves this is not me, this is the

00:46:32

past;

00:46:42

food

00:46:44

is not in the classical sense of

00:46:46

addiction, but nevertheless, we call

00:46:48

it addiction, this is where it comes from.

00:46:51

How it is formed, this is just the first

00:46:53

basic breakdown of the first year when there is

00:46:56

really not enough of this

00:46:58

feeling of security, I really want

00:47:00

everything to be easy and simple,

00:47:01

needs are satisfied and if Well More

00:47:05

often, women treat overeating

00:47:08

when a person eats eats eats He also seems to

00:47:12

feel this

00:47:15

filling of himself as if

00:47:16

my needs They are being realized at this moment this

00:47:20

addiction is because food

00:47:22

addiction destroys a huge

00:47:23

number of people and now in our time

00:47:25

such people a lot and excess weight is

00:47:29

now top

00:47:32

ten in terms of what causes a

00:47:36

huge number of infertility diseases

00:47:39

there and so on. That is, this is just a

00:47:41

story of overeating And this suppression of anger

00:47:44

is a feeling of security That is, I

00:47:47

eat, I eat, Not because I’m hungry or

00:47:49

hungry Because that at this moment I

00:47:52

feel satisfied and

00:47:53

safe

00:47:54

drinking alcohol is about the same

00:47:58

story as a small child when I

00:48:00

drank and the world is beautiful, but with alcohol it’s

00:48:03

worse here because alcohol is a

00:48:05

drug that is a natural

00:48:07

depressant when a person drinks, he

00:48:11

drank a little at first good and

00:48:12

then wildly bad and this dose needs to be

00:48:15

constantly increased and a person’s life is

00:48:18

ruined by eating, more often than not we have stories

00:48:21

of being disliked, not being given enough and suppressed

00:48:25

Anger with drinking there is even more often a message

00:48:28

like this from parents don’t live like that, it’s just

00:48:30

scripted because an alcoholic actually

00:48:33

kills himself those who people smoke They

00:48:36

also kill themselves, they shorten their lives by at least 10

00:48:37

years, so it’s

00:48:40

impossible to have nuances Depending, but they are all

00:48:43

essentially similar and in conclusion,

00:48:46

Lilia, your recommendations for infantile

00:48:49

adults on how to stop being

00:48:51

infantile and for parents how not to

00:48:53

raise infantile children Let's

00:48:55

start asking parents

00:48:58

how the psychology of a child growing up works, there is a

00:49:00

lot of literature about this and, of

00:49:03

course, learning how to raise a child. And

00:49:07

if you yourself feel that you are not living

00:49:09

very happily, becoming happy

00:49:11

because even if you

00:49:14

raise correctly, you yourself are not happy, you are

00:49:16

your own scenario hand the child over to

00:49:18

infantile adults, don’t be afraid of this

00:49:21

word, infantilism, just understand that I’m an

00:49:24

adult who

00:49:26

hasn’t grown up psychologically and these are the moments where I haven’t

00:49:29

grown up, they prevent me from being

00:49:33

happy, because the happy love

00:49:35

that I so want is good money

00:49:37

that I can use for

00:49:39

self-development, realization of potential. Where will they be a

00:49:42

creator in this life? I will create all

00:49:44

this is possible and accessible only when I am

00:49:46

psychologically an adult because a

00:49:48

child only wants to receive from him a

00:49:50

constant deficit, and an adult is freely

00:49:53

happy and can live giving. Therefore,

00:49:57

if I understand that I have somewhere... then it’s painful

00:49:59

to go to a psychologist or figure out on your own

00:50:01

where I’m hurting in what kind of

00:50:05

circle I go to open my eyes,

00:50:07

be honest with myself and start

00:50:09

working through it because the norm is you are

00:50:12

happy, healthy, rich and all

00:50:17

day long you’re realizing your potential in

00:50:20

all the roles possible, after all there is

00:50:21

only one life and we appreciate every moment it’s so

00:50:25

great to live it’s true Thank you

00:50:28

very much Liliya it was Liliya Levitskaya I’m

00:50:30

Mariana Minsker love to everyone and

00:50:33

subscribe to the RTVi telegram channel

00:50:35

there’s a lot that’s important

00:50:41

[music]

Description:

Подписывайтесь на телеграм-канал RTVI: https://t.me/rtvimain В студии RTVI Марианна Минскер и интегративный психолог Лилия Левицкая поговорили о психологическом инфантилизме. Что это такое? Как он проявляется во взрослом возрасте? Как родителям нужно воспитывать детей, чтобы в них не проявился инфантилизм? В чем выражается женская инфантильность? А мужская? Откуда появляются зависимости? Можно ли полностью вылечить свои детские травмы? И как перестать быть инфантилом и взять ответственность за свою жизнь? Подписывайтесь на @RTVItainment и ставьте лайки RTVI Новости — все главные события в формате 24/7: https://www.youtube.com/user/myRTVi 00:00 «Нам надо поговорить». Инфантилизм 01:10 Что такое психологический инфантилизм? 02:19 Почему кто-то это проходит, а кто-то застревает в детстве? 05:49 Как осознать, что в каком-то возрасте была травма? 07:26 Из-за чего женщина может вести себя как маленький ребенок? 08:19 Если мужчина ищет в женщине маленькую девочку, где у него произошла травма? 09:58 Об обидах. Почему это не норма? 13:21 Как избавиться от привычки обижаться? 16:13 Сколько по времени занимает трансформировать привычки? 17:26 Как выглядит инфантильный мужчина? 21:22 В чем выражается женская инфантильность? 24:15 Как воспитывать детей, чтобы не стали инфантилами? 28:09 Где грань между свободой и безопасностью в подростковом возрасте? 29:40 Как правильно направить подростка? 33:25 Почему у подростка появляется зависимость от гаджетов? 36:18 Как инфантилизм ведет к зависимостям? 37:31 О любовной зависимости 42:22 Кто такой отвергающий мужчина? 43:54 Как помочь паре, в которой оба инфантила? 45:58 Можно ли полностью вылечить травмы? 46:40 Откуда берутся зависимости от алкоголя или еды? 48:46 Рекомендации от психолога

Preparing download options

Popular

HD video

Only sound

All

* — If the video is playing in a new tab, go to it, then right-click on the video and select "Save video as..."

** — Link intended for online playback in specialized players

Questions about downloading video

How can I download "Почему взрослые ведут себя как дети? / Лилия Левицкая // Нам надо поговорить" video?

http://unidownloader.com/ website is the best way to download a video or a separate audio track if you want to do without installing programs and extensions.
The UDL Helper extension is a convenient button that is seamlessly integrated into YouTube, Instagram and OK.ru sites for fast content download.
UDL Client program (for Windows) is the most powerful solution that supports more than 900 websites, social networks and video hosting sites, as well as any video quality that is available in the source.
UDL Lite is a really convenient way to access a website from your mobile device. With its help, you can easily download videos directly to your smartphone.

Which format of "Почему взрослые ведут себя как дети? / Лилия Левицкая // Нам надо поговорить" video should I choose?

The best quality formats are FullHD (1080p), 2K (1440p), 4K (2160p) and 8K (4320p). The higher the resolution of your screen, the higher the video quality should be. However, there are other factors to consider: download speed, amount of free space, and device performance during playback.

Why does my computer freeze when loading a "Почему взрослые ведут себя как дети? / Лилия Левицкая // Нам надо поговорить" video?

The browser/computer should not freeze completely! If this happens, please report it with a link to the video. Sometimes videos cannot be downloaded directly in a suitable format, so we have added the ability to convert the file to the desired format. In some cases, this process may actively use computer resources.

How can I download "Почему взрослые ведут себя как дети? / Лилия Левицкая // Нам надо поговорить" video to my phone?

You can download a video to your smartphone using the website or the PWA application UDL Lite. It is also possible to send a download link via QR code using the UDL Helper extension.

How can I download an audio track (music) to MP3 "Почему взрослые ведут себя как дети? / Лилия Левицкая // Нам надо поговорить"?

The most convenient way is to use the UDL Client program, which supports converting video to MP3 format. In some cases, MP3 can also be downloaded through the UDL Helper extension.

How can I save a frame from a video "Почему взрослые ведут себя как дети? / Лилия Левицкая // Нам надо поговорить"?

This feature is available in the UDL Helper extension. Make sure that "Show the video snapshot button" is checked in the settings. A camera icon should appear in the lower right corner of the player to the left of the "Settings" icon. When you click on it, the current frame from the video will be saved to your computer in JPEG format.

What's the price of all this stuff?

It costs nothing. Our services are absolutely free for all users. There are no PRO subscriptions, no restrictions on the number or maximum length of downloaded videos.