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Video tags
Subtitles
Russian
00:00:01
click on the bell so you don’t00:00:03
miss the next videos, dear00:00:06
friends, and today I said a00:00:09
festive theme for us with this and it’s festive00:00:11
that the non-health00:00:13
meaning of all these programs is for people00:00:16
to solve their problems and this is one of such00:00:18
interesting problems00:00:20
this is control, there are people and we know we won’t point a00:00:25
finger at them, who00:00:27
controls everything, the burning Dnieper, there are00:00:30
just two of you here, so I’m looking at you, I’ll take00:00:32
you out00:00:35
like that, like that,00:00:37
and00:00:40
that doesn’t00:00:43
mean that there are people who00:00:45
control everything, it’s the leaders who can’t00:00:49
delegate how we will win00:00:51
expressing authority to subordinates00:00:55
this woman who I remember is a joke00:00:58
what is the name of the wife who always knows00:01:01
where he is what do you know the answer to this question00:01:02
mari investigator widow this woman00:01:06
who controls the movement of her00:01:09
husbands and the man is jealous this is a country00:01:12
like how you drove away to eat completely00:01:14
alive, yes, this is the one who controls their00:01:17
women and these are super anxious parents00:01:21
who control their children, in00:01:23
particular, did they eat, did they sleep, did00:01:27
they do their homework with overcame the briefcase, how is this the00:01:31
very mother shouting from the window00:01:34
Yashar what to eat and give to dress00:01:39
warmer, so in00:01:42
short, control control and00:01:45
control great began to see accounting and00:01:47
control is a scourge, it seems like the thing is00:01:51
that when people control something of the order00:01:53
that is not in a very00:01:55
stressful state, they are nervous, they are00:01:57
worried, the moment comes when controlling00:02:00
poison control does not create the illusion that they are in00:02:03
control of the situation, what actually00:02:05
happens due to anxiety and anxiety00:02:08
forces and I control everything, they00:02:11
control, they create such an illusion of themselves00:02:13
that not everyone knows and is not in the know. Well,00:02:16
bream there is a sad story when,00:02:18
after 30 years of control, the wife finds out that you00:02:21
already have two families there, because they are00:02:23
also 26 years old and only after four00:02:26
years of great control began, so I00:02:29
can say about myself, I, too, was such an00:02:32
irrepressible parent, and00:02:34
my daughter at the age of fourteen,00:02:37
for example, said dad at night, I’m going to not spend the night, I00:02:40
beg you, you’re not crazy,00:02:42
you won’t call at 10:00 there and00:02:44
grandmother with food mom and dad then00:02:48
when everyone grew up it turned out it was a00:02:49
disco until the morning 14 years old00:02:53
cigarettes drinking but so to00:02:56
run around somehow this is the most disarming thing it00:03:00
wasn’t said that Vanya they are an elderly00:03:02
grandmother and don’t do it like that00:03:04
call at night there will be people please00:03:08
then there is what I mean by these stories that00:03:11
controlling people think that they00:03:13
know everything and they have everything under control, so to speak,00:03:16
unfortunately this is not so, so00:03:19
we Sinclair mats how to get rid of this control00:03:22
because you cannot00:03:26
know everything, it is much easier for you00:03:28
to let go of this situation00:03:29
I will give one example that I usually00:03:32
ask at lectures that relate to00:03:35
cheating, many women are very00:03:38
worried that we are a man, too, we are shortchanging00:03:41
such a stereotype, she is more feminine, but00:03:43
the opinion is that the husband of the rank is cheating on them, I had00:03:47
a drink today and a chair, and today I am spending00:03:50
the night with a friend,00:03:53
thanks for the firewood thank you for your friend yes here00:03:58
they are the title of the answer why listen to00:04:01
work often 15 already now 26 why are00:04:05
n’t you home yet00:04:06
but believe me a man who wants00:04:10
to change he will find an opportunity so00:04:12
you won’t find out he’s going on a business trip he00:04:14
takes thousands and brings them back so I ask the00:04:17
woman for lectures and says listen, what00:04:19
will you do if he knows that your husband has cheated, these are the00:04:22
ones who say I don’t know, they00:04:25
suffer and control, and there are women00:04:27
who say I’ll divorce him, the children of00:04:30
Russia control nothing and00:04:32
usually don’t cheat on their husbands, but I don’t know what00:04:35
the consequences will be00:04:36
give yourself let's try to get rid of the00:04:38
slightest control good evening olive00:04:42
hello00:04:43
[music]00:04:44
Mikhail my name is Natalya from Moscow I'm00:04:48
36 years old00:04:50
I have the same situation as what you00:04:54
said about control I had00:04:57
before this there was a neurotic relationship that00:04:59
didn't end yes I00:05:00
was there too some kind of control in terms of00:05:03
calls and myself, and of00:05:05
course I understood that all00:05:09
this was great; the story00:05:11
gave me a reason for this and00:05:14
then in the end I kind of jumped out of the00:05:20
relationship, as if there were ways to give in to myself;00:05:26
I was already behaving somehow so incomprehensibly as if I jumped off, tired of distancing myself from him,00:05:29
as if he wanted to, he00:05:31
wanted to continue00:05:33
not to invest anything, well, to have a saint, which is what00:05:36
he had, I began to move away from him now, you00:05:38
know, I can’t let go of the situation, I’m00:05:41
controlling the series in Brooklyn, whoever I00:05:43
meet, how you controlled him a friend00:05:46
there, he has someone,00:05:50
how to find him,00:05:52
even I want to meet someone new,00:05:54
but this situation,00:05:58
this is control, just now you start that00:06:01
he’s calling me, I understand that he’s00:06:03
calling, he doesn’t want anything, and this threatens me even00:06:05
more Do I feel myself and why is00:06:08
he calling out of sight I don’t want anything and00:06:10
you just taught the support person00:06:13
that00:06:15
he wants to return it on his own00:06:17
terms, it’s clear00:06:20
I’m not ready for anything, I’m saying that is, he00:06:24
wants from his conditions in the sense in no way, but00:06:27
how was it that because of what they actually00:06:29
jumped off than your question and my question is that this is how00:06:32
I relate to this situation, how00:06:37
I have such fear that I have no control,00:06:40
having finally let him go, I ca00:06:42
n’t control that this is this00:06:46
fear, but who is he? -will appear00:06:48
like this and not ever, that00:06:49
someone will appear with him first of all,00:06:51
that I won’t meet anyone and that you don’t00:06:55
feel and at the same time the victim that in the end it’s00:06:56
as if they’re calling me as if00:06:59
just00:07:02
supposedly from his behavior to know him, you are00:07:05
not a fool of the strait, the fact is that, unfortunately, you00:07:08
correctly began to tell that there00:07:10
were graphic relationships today, your00:07:13
libido is structured in such a sad way00:07:15
that it’s not enough, only now you seem to00:07:18
be breeding in captivity, speaking in Russian,00:07:20
she is a waller, there is no libido, she is resting and this is a00:07:25
problem this problem entails00:07:28
control because you can suede00:07:30
when you suffer you seem to live without a care what00:07:33
is happening you are so super what if00:07:36
he meets someone and what if I00:07:38
don’t meet anyone and it fills life00:07:40
with content if this is removed there will be00:07:43
emptiness00:07:45
nervous of anyone no,00:07:47
how could it be that it was necessary with him and00:07:49
so on, you first need Perry to know00:07:52
that this is already a problem that you have,00:07:54
that you can spend thirds of his relationship00:07:57
in a neurotic key,00:07:59
exclude it,00:08:01
so get out of this as a base, you00:08:05
first tell yourself that most likely00:08:07
not someone will appear and it is possible 96 younger00:08:12
away most likely you will also appear00:08:16
someone will appear like riding a bicycle00:08:17
you are definitely not the first man in our00:08:20
life00:08:21
I when I understand someone he will have00:08:24
by type and you know I’m not sure, right00:08:26
now I don’t care what he00:08:28
will have, I’m afraid that the authorities of thousands are00:08:30
the main one because the problem is00:08:33
that when you worry,00:08:36
when you suffer from you, it causes a00:08:39
feeling of regret, so to00:08:42
let go of the situation and not think anymore nor00:08:44
about him, I offer myself the following in a bad way,00:08:47
as I admit that there are problems00:08:49
with love, and secondly, as soon as with any00:08:52
next thing something goes wrong, it00:08:54
jumps off immediately without waiting for00:08:56
peritonitis and00:08:58
finally, when you behave this way, it’s00:09:01
because you will yourself, and you00:09:04
have the ability to do this, you jumped out, you00:09:08
feel like I’ll stay, I thought00:09:12
you were great, but I want to be a00:09:14
victim, I like00:09:16
to cry cakes when00:09:19
everything is clear, so you just00:09:22
jump off and with each new time your00:09:26
psyche will change or trouble will00:09:28
change and will come such a day when you00:09:31
will not be able to communicate at all with the men00:09:33
you are with with whom you do not00:09:36
feel happy00:09:38
alla 34 years old question of control for the sake of back00:09:42
I live with my mother and sister my mother is a real00:09:45
controller they start asking questions where when I00:09:48
get up from the couch and go somewhere and where and I00:09:50
end up interfering in my personal00:09:53
life, my mother believes that I should choose00:09:55
those men who only00:09:57
she likes and I say the points of view with00:10:00
dignity, the rest, of course, are goats, we00:10:02
constantly quarrel about this00:10:04
because I defend my boundaries,00:10:06
I defend my choice to move into a separate00:10:08
apartment or to my boyfriend I00:10:10
can’t tell a person yet, we don’t meet much, and to be00:10:13
honest, I’m afraid to offend how to loosen00:10:16
control and or come to an agreement with my mother,00:10:20
I have a very simple answer, this is not a very00:10:22
simple question, you need to move out of your mother,00:10:25
what the hell are the boundaries for people who are00:10:28
already adults and live with00:10:30
fuses when living with their mother you yourself00:10:35
have violated all the boundaries of a person’s age00:10:38
it says how old 34 squad 40000:10:41
nights are you kidding me until 20 also strain 34 is00:10:45
no longer funny so you need to start00:10:48
living your life and then your mother00:10:51
will be forced to admit that an adult00:10:54
the pit will not force the question on you will be out of00:10:57
habit at first, then it won’t00:10:59
be either until you, as a00:11:01
five-year-old girl, live with your mother at00:11:03
three or four years old, such a childish relationship will continue for you00:11:04
as long as I see such an00:11:08
opportunity to solve the problem, good00:11:11
evening,00:11:14
hello00:11:16
[music]00:11:17
my name is Evgenia, I’m 45 years old I have00:11:21
three children and00:11:23
it so happened that I haven’t worked,00:11:26
unfortunately, all these years and00:11:28
recently my children went abroad to00:11:31
study, the two eldest and the mass became00:11:34
Satan and I understand that it’s not some kind of00:11:37
creepy overprotection over him, his height is somehow00:11:40
unimaginable,00:11:41
here he is and here he is to be the opposite they push00:11:44
fama when children come abroad the00:11:46
same thing happens to them in relation to them00:11:48
I understand the feelings with my head and they00:11:52
themselves say00:11:53
the action00:11:57
I don’t know00:12:00
how old the youngest is00:12:04
and that is not 400:12:09
yet your question is00:12:12
what to do how not to overcome this00:12:16
this is unhealthy cache Leonardo's problem in00:12:20
your case is also connected with the fact that you are00:12:23
no longer realizing everything or you are trying to put all00:12:26
your mental and physical strength00:12:28
into children because00:12:30
you created it sent a message which is not00:12:33
Artak 45 years old find something you like do00:12:36
you have some ideas I am a volunteer in00:12:41
the wild, don’t frighten off the year at all,00:12:44
but it’s there that the text of the fund, yes, I’m working00:12:48
on a lot, it’s completely quieted down and it doesn’t00:12:50
absorb me even in normal00:12:53
years, but you live in the money00:12:55
left to00:12:57
my husband, this kindergarten here is00:13:00
callous, it’s wonderful, you should though I would like to00:13:02
cut myself for hire, because it is such a00:13:05
hobby that says and is just as00:13:08
nobler than a hairdresser's cotton,00:13:10
walking in the morning is already a question like what are you00:13:13
doing in the pool, swimming in English00:13:16
is nobler, but you, as a living being,00:13:19
must realize yourself, and you are00:13:21
trying to yourself when to pass in children who have00:13:23
already grown up,00:13:25
that is, you understand how you do00:13:27
n’t even need to water this one for 300 years, I haven’t walked on you all00:13:30
go water it, it’s already grown up a long time ago,00:13:32
so you need to switch from the children00:13:35
to yourself, and by the way, this will benefit00:13:37
the children and especially the younger one because00:13:41
he may have problems for the fact that you00:13:44
are pushing, you don’t want to have00:13:46
problems finding yourself to be00:13:48
independent on this you have here, as it were,00:13:51
two goals to help the child realize himself00:13:54
without drinking his mother and the second is to find himself you are00:13:58
only 45 years old, then maybe even half your00:14:01
life of defeat and do there’s nothing left for you to00:14:04
see, the children grow up and move away, the00:14:09
husband got divorced, by the way, for those who don’t00:14:12
work, you also don’t think about this for all00:14:14
husbands after a divorce, yes, it’s possible to live00:14:17
and work as a volunteer, so you need to00:14:20
start doing something for yourself and when you start00:14:22
yourself implement this00:14:24
compensates for the guardianship of children and the children00:14:27
breathe easy so we had a00:14:30
relationship of gender control there was a00:14:33
relationship of parental control well it’s00:14:35
time to work of course and so I’ll write my00:14:40
topic I suffer from my own00:14:42
control in the work of all control00:14:44
I can trust my colleagues and subordinates00:14:46
because they often they let you down, they fail you00:14:48
on deadlines, they are inattentive, and all00:14:50
that stuff. I have made it a rule not to00:14:52
work further with those who behave this way,00:14:54
I am parting with them, but in general there is a00:14:56
desire to create a strong, reliable team00:14:58
to work on projects in order to00:15:00
grow together and move forward professionally,00:15:03
how to let go of your control and to find00:15:05
people with whom I need to be along the way00:15:08
for this, and imagine the most00:15:11
unpleasant scenario, but let’s generally00:15:14
understand the meaning of control, such00:15:16
control is when you are00:15:18
nervous and in order to somehow calm down this00:15:22
nervous state, this anxiety, you00:15:25
try to work for everyone, as it were00:15:29
decide everything for everyone, understand everything, as00:15:33
it were, out of fear and from the fact that they can00:15:36
create problems, but if about the00:15:38
subordinate head, although this would not make the00:15:41
subordinates work better, what00:15:44
you need is what you are afraid to start with,00:15:47
ask yourself what I will do00:15:49
if the scenario is the worst,00:15:51
nothing will happen, I can tell about myself,00:15:54
I have never led groups, not00:15:57
city hall dance groups, not singing groups, not00:16:00
factory groups, I already imagined myself as a cheerleader,00:16:04
no, this is not true, and after a bullfight, my leg00:16:08
falls off, the handwriting of the game is not good at all,00:16:10
and once in my life, but I Of course, there is00:16:13
work at school, you can call it00:16:15
team management,00:16:17
my first teacher, but00:16:20
one day I had to, I was about00:16:22
thirty years old, 32 33 years old, and they took me00:16:26
to the channel Russia makes the program itself,00:16:29
it showed that before the 7th about those three00:16:31
at home I was 30 years old back almost here I00:16:34
come from the street never worked in00:16:36
any media00:16:38
meets me now such a mastodon Sasha00:16:43
Kopov former quotes me mistress Mamede00:16:47
now I don’t know what from both cleaning00:16:50
driver daytime broadcasting hero and00:16:53
says but you can report and fortune-telling in the00:16:56
first poor country and somehow, bobblehead,00:16:59
this was the time before the revolution, the 90s,00:17:02
there were people directly suing something, they came and00:17:05
did something, so I came, you know what it’s like00:17:09
to be the head of a program from00:17:12
that editor, editor, operators, light,00:17:15
sound, that’s all the cameraman especially loves00:17:18
booze, like this they are Crimea00:17:20
professional and all this is falling apart00:17:23
and the product should also be issued there are00:17:25
four daily regime correct programs,00:17:27
I don’t even remember how to go to filming00:17:30
and some of them sit in common,00:17:33
some cameras00:17:36
cost 70 thousand dollars, some cost I’m00:17:38
trying to break it simply because I can’t stand on my feet00:17:41
and the camera doesn’t hold poison in my hands I turned out to be00:17:43
such a leader, well, it’s good that they didn’t00:17:45
drink the camera 300:17:47
leaders there is an article from the Americans, give me00:17:50
13 jeeps with equipment for luck, they00:17:53
drank them away, well, in short, and I00:17:57
not my relatives I’m glad I don’t like at all as if this is00:17:59
not my leadership00:18:01
I thought thought thought thought I’ll show you how to walk and00:18:05
run, she says she’ll sweat, I00:18:08
wrote such a note, I hung it up, it was00:18:10
the site where everything happened, I’m doing four and00:18:13
the news is the news of the square of this woman ria00:18:15
news00:18:17
that but that so what’s wrong with it, it’s00:18:20
just a matter of will, even in an excellent one, remember about an00:18:23
equal, you didn’t get it, but the drunken operators00:18:26
read it and laughed and went on drinking00:18:29
and she stayed the next day and 1 knot and00:18:33
somehow everything began to take shape on its own, the00:18:35
process for me has already put it on it’s a00:18:38
different story, your listener00:18:41
just fires those who she doesn’t like,00:18:44
she tries not to work with them anymore00:18:45
and that’s right, don’t work with those00:18:47
you don’t like, this is generally just a00:18:49
hymn for you, how to learn to trust these, you00:18:53
need to understand what you will do00:18:55
if not, they mess up so much that00:18:57
something goes wrong, something won’t happen,00:18:59
and when a person understands the consequences00:19:03
of what his subordinates will do, he00:19:07
lets them go and gives them the opportunity00:19:09
to realize themselves. Now, my00:19:12
director and I talked yesterday, this is00:19:14
my topic the director had nothing to do with the directorship at all00:19:17
nike both had nothing to do with this is my00:19:19
former editor in general Soho Moscow he will00:19:22
strengthen the work of the editor we usually and when00:19:25
I took the motor for the director it mattered00:19:28
and she told me I don’t remember she says you00:19:30
didn’t try to control00:19:32
like go learn on your own do it somehow and00:19:34
somehow it does it really well it does it you00:19:38
need to trust people better hello00:19:41
good evening good evening00:19:45
I have a question00:19:48
what is00:19:50
my00:19:52
daughter 8 years old we live separately00:19:57
Pentagon the same amount of time and we live00:20:00
when I have her she gives me a push and happens00:20:04
and in general there is00:20:05
not a constant desire to call my mother and00:20:08
inform the region00:20:10
of the Nazis, why do you need this desire from your00:20:14
daughter,00:20:18
but my mother also00:20:20
shows anxiety and00:20:22
[music]00:20:24
wants 1 topic to00:20:27
spend time like this,00:20:29
this is an inconvenience, especially00:20:33
when we are visiting00:20:35
when there are children nearby and what does it look like in00:20:38
Turkey, a child plays, a bell rings,00:20:40
or the daughter runs away from the beaten ones, yes, I00:20:44
myself didn’t allow them to get the call, you00:20:47
leave another room, I call, this00:20:49
happens often, yes, this happens00:20:53
in a mansion on a visit, it happens around the area, it00:20:59
decreases that she didn’t00:21:02
do anything, she didn’t do anything wrong This she00:21:07
breaks down and says that she wants the plan, I won’t00:21:11
get it, should I come running with her visa or manzoni,00:21:15
this is very annoying for all the guests,00:21:21
please tell me00:21:23
how to calm down the daughter00:21:26
knows his dishes as much as you need peace, the daughter must00:21:29
still first with her mother in the basement, as I00:21:31
assume the daughter’s anxiety this is a00:21:34
derivative trilogy mom mom you are00:21:37
alarming and you00:21:39
can’t even separate from the matter00:21:42
the rain will calm down and more mom herself00:21:43
provokes with her calls and00:21:47
escalates00:21:48
so you need to come to an agreement with your00:21:51
ex-wife00:21:53
from your breathing it is said that if00:21:57
your ex-wife has a question she00:22:00
will tell you they call their daughter this is the first00:22:02
second there are two not a daughter century mom I want to come00:22:05
to you and at the same time you understand some kind of00:22:09
nervous reaction but does it just happen that00:22:12
something happened there and she wants that’s one00:22:14
thing but here’s an orange out of the blue then00:22:17
mom should say listen to the muscles00:22:19
say that you are there with the priest until00:22:21
Monday, hello, how will your school00:22:23
take you away and I will take these schools at least so00:22:26
that a child without parents00:22:29
can do little here, I think that this is coming from the mother,00:22:32
so what is the next question for Mikhail,00:22:35
please by yourself I myself am a hyper00:22:37
controller as a result of too deep00:22:40
control of my mother in childhood and my mother died, but00:22:43
as a result, despite a successful career, I have a00:22:46
complete lack of personal life. I understand00:22:48
that I am afraid that people leave and it is00:22:50
impossible to control how to find a00:22:52
way to be in a relationship. song if00:22:55
you are not there aunt report cards don’t lose and if you do00:22:59
n’t live00:23:00
this is such an eternal question vectors00:23:03
scare the main parrot instead of not00:23:06
buying what he died like although a person is00:23:08
faster they say than a parrot him down00:23:11
you didn’t live long before this big ones live00:23:14
long give fish sponges00:23:17
to friends and we are all mortals,00:23:21
firstly, there is death, and secondly, if we00:23:24
talk about relationships, there is divorce,00:23:26
for example, there is a hut, we have betrayal,00:23:30
there is deception and lies, and what I want to ask is,00:23:34
because of this, not to live, but if there is a happy00:23:37
relationship, happy families and00:23:40
many happy with some pets a00:23:44
turtle, how they are, a fish, a guppy,00:23:47
which the moth remembered, again because of the00:23:49
scares, not to mention the rat, the cat and the00:23:52
dog, while someone may die00:23:56
first or the owners or the animal are usually00:23:59
animals and people who are afraid of life as00:24:04
such, it’s very interesting, it’s just that00:24:06
there’s such a thing fear of life00:24:07
they avoid situations in which they00:24:12
will be upset, depressed,00:24:15
be in grief, and so on, they get drunk,00:24:18
what does it matter that we are mortal and at the same time00:24:21
we live and when there are some people00:24:25
who leave and either die or simply00:24:29
disagree with you when there are00:24:32
puppies and kittens which are most likely to be overcome00:24:35
Elche you just don’t live dogs00:24:38
10 15 years old maximum in my window00:24:43
twenty to thirty years old magsafe the00:24:45
Queen of England was 32 years old in my opinion he00:24:49
was bent00:24:51
attacked 20 then the stomach but that’s not a reason,00:24:55
well, let’s not go into details00:24:57
cats live in different ways, however, the dogs are00:24:59
also more than 10 years old and even smaller, but00:25:03
unfortunately, therefore, by the way, for those who have00:25:06
just finished their lives, I will say that in the00:25:08
wild they live even less, but00:25:11
they don’t even call you twitter big, that is,00:25:13
but these street dogs and cats live00:25:15
Usually 23 years old, and an00:25:18
animal in the wild survives two years with its00:25:21
legs 20 percent,00:25:24
so my friends, this is a life that00:25:28
ends in death, by the way, at the same time, for00:25:31
those who are all oaks, this is retribution for everything00:25:33
good from the evening, why do people think so about it,00:25:36
so say goodbye so that the00:25:38
end turns so I’m close to00:25:41
some other kind of payback, enough of this00:25:43
you and the eyes of the mayor’s office itself, maybe let’s00:25:47
good evening, hello,00:25:49
hello, Mikhail, very nice,00:25:53
hears my name is Natalya, I’m 39 years old, I00:25:56
live in the city of Pyatigorsk00:25:58
and I just have a question for you that’s very00:26:01
relevant of your program men are00:26:04
constantly trying to control me00:26:05
and00:26:07
to be honest it bothers me a little00:26:10
in terms of why you didn’t call on00:26:14
time although how can you call during00:26:17
it right I call when I want to00:26:20
listen and why or the answer to this problem I00:26:23
didn’t want to00:26:33
tell the question okay interviews here why did00:26:36
you come here to start these things on social00:26:39
networks00:26:40
why did you come, parked the car at home00:26:44
with that clock and called me only in the00:26:47
world about this was not 10 to embroider arrived at00:26:50
this time sewing no such a cute baby after00:26:55
all00:27:00
that I don’t like it that I I don’t00:27:03
want to, I’m not in kindergarten,00:27:07
even my mother tries to control me, it’s not like00:27:09
that, you’re sitting in a kindergarten,00:27:13
maybe00:27:15
it doesn’t suit me00:27:19
once, I endured it the second time, then they00:27:22
just show me interest after that, an00:27:24
adult can’t take control00:27:27
over another adult, I mean00:27:29
I can only do something in my own way, the00:27:30
desire naturally disappears,00:27:33
although I love brutal men, it00:27:37
should probably manifest itself in something else, and the question is whether this is a00:27:42
relationship or00:27:50
not even control, here are some00:27:52
insecure people who are afraid that you are00:27:56
not theirs love that you use them in others,00:27:58
for example, all these questions are very00:28:01
similar to questions related to jealousy, in00:28:04
particular, what are you doing on social networks00:28:07
at night, the car put itself at 9 on00:28:10
the Internet, it also has a shower, it’s not in00:28:13
the tanks, you cut yourself correctly, you do00:28:16
n’t owe anyone anything,00:28:18
you’re just telling what you are annoyed00:28:20
as if the behavior is not very masculine, it00:28:24
turns out that the check is up to but do not growl worries00:28:27
what if you are deceiving him what00:28:30
if you don’t like him you are already different00:28:33
and all these questions cannot be explained in any way00:28:37
say the ball in principle I don’t00:28:38
like it set production I will leave and continued the00:28:41
sonorous00:28:50
and then you understand, what does it matter if they00:28:53
behave in such a way before marriage that it’s scary00:28:56
to think what will happen when you get married, and00:28:59
you also said that you love brutal00:29:01
men, if you jump off, sooner00:29:04
or later a man will appear that you00:29:05
like, too, these are not at all00:29:08
brutal success Galina from Moscow,00:29:12
my husband has a need00:29:14
to control whether the windows are closed, the doors00:29:16
are turned off or the lights are turned off, and he devotes00:29:18
too much time and attention to this, and he asks questions of himself00:29:20
and everyone around him,00:29:22
I am asked this00:29:24
question by everyone around him, most often he00:29:26
does this in a very uneven manner, how00:29:28
to calm down this form of control is one thing00:29:31
apparently it’s not like here you can have a00:29:34
specialist psychologist before a psychoneurologist,00:29:37
but you can offer your husband, you can00:29:41
read it yourself there was such an outstanding00:29:44
German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard, I00:29:47
have a book called personality accentuations,00:29:50
what you describe it like this is my and00:29:53
stuck type of person who00:29:55
checks the door by pulls twice and the00:29:59
grip with the face and the water tap in the kitchen is00:30:04
the gas turned off in the transition from the house, are you00:30:07
sure for youtube that no one even00:30:08
the closet freezes up, this is an absolute alarm and00:30:12
this is an action00:30:14
that a person performs for the purpose of00:30:17
controlling the alarm, that’s00:30:19
what I did in my apartment,00:30:23
I installed a smart system the house where00:30:28
if I forgot to turn off the tap, then as00:30:31
soon as 1 drop of water comes to the dacha,00:30:34
they will turn off all the water and00:30:36
all the electricity that was combined would be given a00:30:39
certain blue box, if something00:30:41
closes somewhere, then the electricity is iodine in this00:30:44
box, in principle, there is another00:30:46
key which turns off the lights everywhere in the whole apartment at once,00:30:49
no need to go00:30:51
check everything and so on, this is how I solve00:30:54
problems with technical control in Pskov,00:30:58
but the problem of neurosis is00:31:00
that when a person solves one problem, the00:31:03
problem with his condition is not solved and00:31:06
you begin to look for applications of00:31:10
control forces in other aspects, that is,00:31:13
speaking in Russian, if he checks, he00:31:15
will start to get nervous, something like that, good evening, that’s00:31:21
all, there’s no one there, that is, hello, yes,00:31:26
yes, I’ll give it, listen,00:31:30
for now, the question00:31:40
is good,00:31:45
I’m00:31:46
in the mood for the dacha, it’s smashing the alcohol of the century, and I’ll00:31:51
decide on the profession of a psychologist.00:31:55
Olya is against it, she says that00:31:59
of course there will be more success and it will be easier,00:32:09
and00:32:12
she is constantly not just monitoring with00:32:18
control, she is00:32:22
allowing me to operate with those00:32:26
subjects that do not need biology and00:32:30
she wants me to00:32:35
come to00:32:37
help answer your question00:32:45
in general00:32:49
before00:32:51
you interrupted and there was a way the first00:32:54
will explain to her that success is00:32:56
not measured by money, but by00:33:00
how happy you are with your work;00:33:03
high, she likes how much you are beside00:33:06
yourself; you reveal; you realize;00:33:09
which does00:33:10
not00:33:12
say at all what00:33:18
you will00:33:20
pour on here; I would like to talk about warmth00:33:23
for the second method in order to be with my00:33:26
mother in general doesn’t argue or is the first00:33:28
to convince you, you can study for whoever00:33:32
you want if you are responsible for yourself financially,00:33:34
that is, you study and00:33:37
earn your living and then mom00:33:40
can’t say anything because it’s00:33:42
your choice and you pay for this choice, here it turns out that this is the00:33:45
situation00:33:46
mom pays for you are now 16 years old there, it is00:33:50
my responsibility who will be 18 years old, your mother00:33:54
may hold you a little more, but you00:33:56
will study and it turns out that you00:33:58
kind of have to learn, someone has to00:34:00
feed you and then mom says next00:34:04
time I feed you, then I will decide what00:34:06
will you do, this is the00:34:08
logic of parents, unfortunately, and00:34:11
looking like I want to be a00:34:14
psychologist, the analogue is when you will00:34:17
earn at least a gynecologist, but while00:34:19
here I am paying a lawyer, you understand,00:34:22
yes,00:34:24
boy, or we are [ __ ] silent,00:34:27
so what do I want to say here we00:34:29
still hear that the only way to00:34:32
do how do you want it to be00:34:34
independent00:34:35
materials from the mother of a person there is a question00:34:38
from those who are already financially independent and00:34:40
wish and live separately from Surgut00:34:43
31 years old writes to us how to convey00:34:46
bright thoughts to my mother that it’s time to stop00:34:48
controlling me outside 31 I live separately my00:34:50
mother calls with questions what did I eat according to00:34:53
the weather or dressed, am I resting after00:34:55
work, I remind you of the idea that I’m not a00:34:57
little girl anymore, I live my own life, she, of00:34:59
course, gets offended by such words as talking to her00:35:01
about,00:35:03
but I have this way of being tough00:35:07
enough when you say mom, I don’t00:35:10
want to discuss how I pooped and how I00:35:13
ate it’s not interesting to me eat you can00:35:16
talk about something else let’s talk mom00:35:19
of course started crying and after five minutes she00:35:22
completely forgot about everything she calls and00:35:24
starts doing her own thing again00:35:26
you say mom the00:35:29
milk runs away urgently I run out to work00:35:33
mantle of the call back the very gentle ones from00:35:36
whom the voice does not throw a punch, I just like to00:35:40
give my mother a memory that as soon as00:35:42
she crosses the red line there are short beeps after the line00:35:45
and this is all done00:35:49
calmly and without nerves00:35:50
without screams and scandals, usually it takes two00:35:54
months to warm up this00:35:56
topic itself doesn’t touch that’s all, that is, the war,00:35:59
continue the conversation robot from the hundredth00:36:01
moment when we both crossed the line about00:36:03
which you were able to previously00:36:04
agree something like this and there / this is00:36:08
hello my00:36:10
name is Dmitry I’m doing this00:36:14
weak in Odessa straight playing silver00:36:17
rain through the00:36:20
hell application application Yes, I’m better off00:36:23
mixing it up, I’m very happy about this fact,00:36:26
by the way, the favorite teams of both are affected by the00:36:29
transparent racer,00:36:31
yes, there is such an adab, I love it,00:36:34
tell me, you00:36:37
know, I have this situation with a00:36:42
girl, I00:36:44
want to know where she is from00:36:47
Ackerman, and so I often call and00:36:52
I’m busy at this moment and00:36:54
then when after some time you00:36:56
ask in front of you here you say,00:37:00
somehow they don’t speak very well and he’s00:37:03
some kind of secret so far you know this,00:37:06
we know what this is some kind of00:37:08
addiction x logical control of him,00:37:11
here we are here, you will advise this is how00:37:15
to cope with me, this is unfaithfulness to yourself,00:37:17
first of all, on your part, you00:37:21
are afraid that she is apparently cheating on you,00:37:25
so you are asking to the00:37:27
street, and maybe, yes, but to me,00:37:31
he wants her to be faithful, well,00:37:33
probably so these are the ways they will00:37:36
lose faster they will cheat you heard when a00:37:40
miracle it was the women who called from the quiver00:37:42
but also leaves these men who00:37:45
ask I take it00:37:47
because it is not annoying as00:37:50
for the behavior of your girlfriend if00:37:54
you need to be bothered by it, change the girl and00:37:56
languish the girl there goes to call in the toilet00:37:59
the phone closes, we code it, hides it from00:38:04
you or whispers and says wait,00:38:06
the thread will call you back, I can’t talk00:38:08
about any of them right now, but then I’ll just break up with the00:38:11
girl, but if your control is of such an00:38:14
intrusive nature and Wasabi suffers from this,00:38:16
then you need to decide what will happen, come on00:38:19
I have a question to answer, what will you00:38:22
do if a girl cheats on you,00:38:26
it will probably be such a shock, I wo00:38:31
n’t be able to come to terms with it, of course, and I’m00:38:35
nowhere else, that’s for sure, and you will do it, why did you00:38:38
feel the00:38:40
pain, what will you do,00:38:43
but most likely00:38:46
end the relationship00:38:48
and then why are you twitching will change how it00:38:50
will end now go into00:38:52
me everything well yes you will have to wait 5 jokes of00:38:56
the situation it turns out to wait for everything you00:38:58
live for your own pleasure00:38:59
if something happens you leave all00:39:03
this is it in my head this is what00:39:06
I love to do on empty what to do this but00:39:10
no, this is not about love, sorry, it’s00:39:12
also about pride, I remembered00:39:15
Zemfira’s song to live in your head and kill you00:39:17
unconsciously, accidentally00:39:20
decide, and I’m just kidding, they just said00:39:24
that it’s all your eyes, you need to go to a00:39:27
psychologist and deal with the uncertainty00:39:29
from obsessive thoughts, the state is exactly00:39:32
this is a problem, but00:39:34
if a girl still behaves00:39:37
inappropriately, Tamara Kabaeva will provoke00:39:39
such behavior, you have to figure it out to00:39:42
the people, are you behaving this way,00:39:45
or is she still giving a reason, thank you00:39:48
very much, Mikhail, we had several00:39:49
questions that I would combine where is the00:39:53
line between control and really00:39:55
care for Alena and St. Petersburg, I have a00:39:57
9-year-old niece who doesn’t dress beautifully00:40:00
from my point of view, I’m constantly monitoring00:40:02
and telling her to dress beautifully,00:40:04
where is this line between this, this is not00:40:06
a concern, this is an attempt to impose your00:40:10
idea of a beautiful child, all00:40:12
parents Unfortunately, they are guilty of this, but I will say00:40:15
this, almost everyone needs to understand that the child and the00:40:18
other person must respect his choice,00:40:21
this is the upper hand, take my daughter, she can,00:40:24
for example, go, it was in the city of Berlin,00:40:28
all the candy went through, lean on the00:40:30
euro coat tomorrow, I’m like this mother, I’m talking, and the00:40:34
old lady with which steel it00:40:36
was already dead or just alive honor for the00:40:39
rally there is still 3 euros in my pocket and the00:40:41
child laughs and says dad dry cleaning00:40:45
was your coat old one from the morgue00:40:47
if you are hinting at this I understand that00:40:50
I like it as if people are not poor00:40:53
money there is a normal coat hat and00:40:55
why does she buy it for three kopecks,00:40:58
it’s big, your david years, that is, in00:41:02
fact, as I understand it, inside me00:41:04
there lives an idea of how to00:41:07
dress correctly a child has a child,00:41:09
everything goes wrong, how would you try00:41:12
new ones all in my form I’m in my own as if to00:41:15
force or direct to the right there is00:41:17
no right if you are a child of00:41:20
habit because you choose what to00:41:22
dress it as a result it will cost00:41:25
what friends to live and our Paul and is00:41:27
coming to an end I want to tell you00:41:31
control makes a person unhappy you are00:41:33
not he can relax, he cannot00:41:35
enjoy life00:41:38
because he is not an observer in his head, all these ideas are00:41:39
deceiving him, that everything is not going as it00:41:42
should be or00:41:44
will end badly, and he solves the problem with control,00:41:46
you see the psychologist, you are all obsessive,00:41:49
then you go to the psychiatrist and we We00:41:52
say goodbye to you until next Tuesday00:41:54
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