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Video tags
Subtitles
Russian
00:00:02
The Witches by Roald Dahl read by00:00:05
Richard Breyers00:00:09
a note about witches00:00:12
in fairy tales which is always where00:00:14
Silly black hats and black cloaks and00:00:17
they ride on broomsticks but this is not00:00:20
a fairy tale this is about real witches00:00:24
the most important thing you should know00:00:26
about real witches is this listen very00:00:29
carefully never forget what is coming00:00:31
next00:00:33
real witches dress in ordinary clothes00:00:35
and look very much like ordinary women00:00:38
they live in ordinary houses and they00:00:41
work in ordinary jobs00:00:43
that is why they are so hard to catch00:00:48
a real witch hates children with a red00:00:51
hot sizzling hatred that is more00:00:53
sizzling and red hot than any hatred you00:00:55
could possibly imagine00:00:58
a real witch spends all her time00:01:00
plotting to get rid of the children in00:01:02
her particular territory00:01:04
her passion is to do away with them one00:01:06
by one00:01:08
it is all she thinks about the whole day00:01:10
long00:01:11
even if he is working as a cashier in a00:01:14
supermarket or typing letters for a00:01:16
businessman or driving around in a fancy00:01:18
car and she could be doing any of these00:01:20
things her mind will always be plotting00:01:23
and scheming and churning and burning00:01:25
and whizzing and fizzing with murderous00:01:28
bloodthirsty thoughts00:01:30
which child she says to herself all day00:01:34
long exactly which child should I choose00:01:37
for my next squelching00:01:40
a real witch gets the same pleasure from00:01:43
smoking a child as you get from eating a00:01:45
plate full of strawberries and thick00:01:48
cream00:01:49
she reckons on doing away with one child00:01:51
a week00:01:53
anything less than that and she becomes00:01:55
grumpy00:01:56
one child a week is 52 a year00:02:01
squish them and squiggle them and make00:02:03
them disappear that is the motto of all00:02:07
witches00:02:08
very carefully a victim is chosen00:02:12
then the witch stalks The Wretched child00:02:14
like a hunter stalking a little bird in00:02:17
the forest she Treads Softly She Moves00:02:20
quietly she gets closer and closer then00:02:24
at last when everything is ready00:02:28
and she swoops Sparks Fly Flames leap00:02:31
oil boils rats howl skin shrivels and00:02:34
the child disappears00:02:36
a witch you must understand doesn't00:02:39
knock children on the head or stick00:02:41
knives into them or shoot them with a00:02:43
pistol people who do those things get00:02:46
caught by the police00:02:47
a witch never gets caught00:02:50
don't forget that she has magic in her00:02:52
fingers and devil ray dancing in her00:02:54
blood she can make Stones jump about00:02:56
like frogs and she can make tongues of00:02:59
flame go flickering across the surface00:03:01
of the water00:03:02
these magic powers are very frightening00:03:06
luckily there are a great number of real00:03:08
witches in the world today00:03:11
but there is still quite enough to make00:03:12
you nervous00:03:14
in England there are probably about 10000:03:16
of them all together00:03:18
some countries have more others have not00:03:20
quite so many no country in the world is00:03:23
completely free from witches a witch is00:03:27
always a woman00:03:29
I don't wish to speak badly about women00:03:31
most women are lovely but the fact00:03:33
remains that all witches are women there00:03:37
is no such thing as a male witch00:03:41
on the other hand a ghoul is always a00:03:43
male so indeed is a buggiest both are00:03:47
dangerous but neither of them is half as00:03:49
dangerous as a real witch00:03:52
as far as children are concerned a real00:03:55
witch is easily the most dangerous of00:03:57
all the living creatures on Earth00:03:59
what makes her doubly dangerous is that00:04:01
that she doesn't look dangerous00:04:04
even when you know all the secrets you00:04:06
will hear about those in a minute you00:04:08
can still never be quite sure whether it00:04:10
is a witch you're amazing at or just a00:04:12
kind lady00:04:14
if a tiger were able to make himself00:04:16
look like a large dog with a wacky tail00:04:18
you would probably go up and pet him on00:04:20
the head and that would be the end of00:04:22
you it is the same with witches they all00:04:25
look like nice ladies00:04:28
for all you know a witch might be living00:04:31
next door to you right now00:04:33
or she might be the woman with a bright00:04:34
eyes who sat opposite you on the bus00:04:36
this morning00:04:38
she might be the lady with a dazzling00:04:39
smile who offered you a sweet from a00:04:41
white paper bag in the street before00:04:43
lunch00:04:44
she might even and this will make you00:04:46
jump00:04:47
she might even be your lovely school00:04:49
teacher look carefully at the teacher00:04:53
she is smiling at the absurdity of such00:04:55
a suggestion don't let that put you off00:04:58
it could be part of her cleverness00:05:01
I am not of course telling you one00:05:03
second that your teacher actually is a00:05:05
witch all what I'm saying is that she00:05:08
might be one00:05:10
it is most unlikely but and here comes00:05:12
the big but it is not impossible00:05:17
oh if only there were a way of telling00:05:19
you for sure whether a woman was a witch00:05:21
or not then we could round them all up00:05:23
and put them in the meat grinder00:05:25
unhappily there is no such way but there00:05:29
are a number of little signals you can00:05:31
look out for little quirky habits that00:05:33
all witches have in common and if you00:05:35
know about these if you remember them00:05:38
always then you might just possibly00:05:40
manage to escape from being squelched00:05:43
before you were very much older00:05:49
my grandmother00:05:52
I myself had two separate encounters00:05:55
with witches before I was eight years00:05:57
old00:05:58
from the first I escaped unharmed but on00:06:01
the second occasion I was not so lucky00:06:04
things happen to me that will probably00:06:06
make you scream when you read about them00:06:08
that can't be helped the truth must be00:06:11
told00:06:12
the fact that I am still here and able00:06:14
to speak to you however peculiar I may00:06:17
look is due entirely to my wonderful00:06:20
grandmother00:06:22
my grandmother was Norwegian00:06:25
the Norwegians know all about which is00:06:27
for Norway with its black forests and00:06:29
icy mountains is where the first witches00:06:32
came from00:06:33
my father and my mother were also00:06:35
Norwegian but because my father had a00:06:37
business in England I had been born00:06:39
there and had lived there and had00:06:40
started going to an English school00:06:42
twice a year at Christmas and in the00:06:45
summer we went back to Norway to visit00:06:47
my grandmother00:06:48
this old lady as far as I could gather00:06:50
was just about the only surviving00:06:52
relative we had on either side of our00:06:55
family she was my mother's mother and I00:06:58
absolutely adored her00:07:00
when she and I were together we spoke in00:07:02
either Norwegian or in English it didn't00:07:04
matter which we were equally fluent in00:07:07
both languages and I have to admit that00:07:09
I felt closer to her than to my00:07:12
time soon after my seventh birthday my00:07:15
parents took me as usual to spend00:07:16
Christmas with my grandmother in Norway00:07:18
and it was over there while my father00:07:21
and mother and I were driving in icy00:07:22
weather just north of Oslo that our car00:07:25
skidded off the road and went tumbling00:07:27
down into a rocky ravine00:07:29
my parents were killed I was firmly00:07:32
strapped into the back seat and received00:07:34
only a cut on the forehead00:07:36
I won't go into the horrors of that00:07:38
terrible afternoon I still get the00:07:41
Shivers when I think about it00:07:42
I finished up of course back in my00:07:44
grandmother's house with her arms around00:07:46
me tight and both of us crying the whole00:07:49
night long00:07:51
what are we going to do now I asked her00:07:54
through the tears you will stay here00:07:56
with me she said and I will look after00:07:58
you aren't I going back to England no00:08:02
she said I could never do that heaven00:08:05
shall take my soul but Norway shall keep00:08:08
my bones00:08:10
the very next day in order that we might00:08:12
both try to forget our great sadness my00:08:15
grandmother started telling me stories00:08:17
she was a wonderful Storyteller and I00:08:20
was enthralled by everything she told me00:08:22
but I didn't become really excited until00:08:25
she got onto the subject of witches00:08:27
she was apparently a great expert on00:08:30
these creatures and she made it very00:08:31
clear to me that her witch stories00:08:33
unlike most of the others were not00:08:35
imaginary Tales they were all true00:08:39
they were the gospel truth they were00:08:41
history everything she was telling me00:08:43
about witches had actually happened and00:08:46
I had better believe it what was worse00:08:48
what was far far worse was that witches00:08:52
were still with us they were all around00:08:54
us and I'd better believe that too00:08:57
are you really being truthful Grandmama00:09:00
brilliant truly truthful my darling00:09:03
she's00:09:04
you won't last long in this world if you00:09:07
don't know how to spot a witch when you00:09:09
see one00:09:10
tell me that witches look like ordinary00:09:12
women around them are so how can I spot00:09:14
them00:09:16
listen to me my grandmother said you00:09:19
must remember everything I tell you00:09:21
after that all you can do is cross your00:09:24
heart and pray to heaven and hope for00:09:26
the best00:09:27
we were in the big living room of her00:09:29
house in Oslo and I was ready for bed00:09:32
the curtains were never drawn in that00:09:34
house and through the window I could see00:09:36
huge snowflakes falling slowly onto an00:09:39
outside world that was a was as black as00:09:41
tar00:09:42
my grandmother was tremendously old and00:09:46
wrinkled with a massive wide body which00:09:49
was smothered in Gray lace00:09:51
set their Majestic in her armchair00:09:53
filling every inch of it not even a00:09:57
mouse could have squeezed in to sit00:09:58
beside her00:09:59
I myself just seven years old was00:10:02
clutched on the floor at her feet00:10:04
wearing pajamas dressing gown and00:10:06
slippers00:10:07
you swear you are pulling my leg I kept00:10:10
saying that you swear you aren't just00:10:12
pretending listen she's00:10:15
no no less than five children who have00:10:18
simply vanished off the face of this00:10:20
Earth never to be seen again00:10:23
The Witches took them00:10:26
still thinks00:10:29
you're just I am trying to make sure you00:10:31
don't go the same way she said I love00:10:34
you and I want you to stay with me00:10:37
tell me about the children who00:10:39
disappeared I said00:10:41
my grandmother was the only grandmother00:10:43
I ever met who smoked cigars00:10:46
she did one now a long black cigar that00:10:49
smelt a burning rubber00:10:51
the first child I knew who disappeared00:10:54
she said was called rangilt Hansen00:10:57
red Hilt was about eight at the time and00:11:00
she was playing with her little sister00:11:01
on the lawn their mother who was baking00:11:04
bread in the kitchen came outside for a00:11:06
breath of air where's00:11:10
he went away with the tall lady the00:11:14
little sister said what tall lady the00:11:16
mother said the tall lady in white00:11:19
gloves the little sister said she took00:11:22
rangilt by the hand and led her away00:11:25
no one my grandmother said ever saw ran00:11:29
healed again00:11:31
put in this search for her I asked they00:11:34
searched for miles around everyone in00:11:37
the town helped but they never found her00:11:40
for what happened to the other four00:11:42
children I asked they vanished just as00:11:45
Ray Health did00:11:46
oh Grandma how did they vanish in every00:11:50
case a strange lady was seen outside the00:11:52
house just before it happened but how00:11:56
did they vanish I asked00:11:58
second one was very peculiar my00:12:01
grandmother said there was a family00:12:03
called Christensen they lived up on00:12:06
Holman Cullen and they had an old oil00:12:08
painting in the living room which they00:12:11
were very proud of the painting showed00:12:13
some ducks in the yard outside of00:12:15
farmhouse00:12:16
there were no people in the painting00:12:18
just a flock of ducks on a grassy00:12:20
farmyard and the farmhouse in the00:12:22
background00:12:24
was a large painting and rather pretty00:12:27
well one day their daughter so big came00:12:30
home from school eating an apple she00:12:33
said a nice lady had given it to her on00:12:35
the street the next morning little00:12:38
solveig was knocked in her bed00:12:40
the parents searched everywhere but they00:12:43
couldn't find her then all of a sudden00:12:45
her father shouted there she is that's00:12:49
solveig feeding the Ducks00:12:52
he was pointing at the oil painting and00:12:55
sure enough solvik was in it00:12:57
she was standing in the farmyard in the00:13:00
act of throwing bread to the Ducks out00:13:02
of the basket00:13:04
father rushed up to the painting and00:13:05
touched her but that didn't help she was00:13:08
simply a part of the painting00:13:10
just a picture painted on the canvas00:13:14
did you ever see that painting grandma00:13:16
with a little girl in it many times my00:13:19
grandmother said and the peculiar thing00:13:21
was the little soul bit kept changing00:13:24
her position in the picture00:13:26
one day she would actually be inside the00:13:28
bath house and you could see her face00:13:30
looking out of the window00:13:31
another day she would be far over to the00:13:34
left with a duck in her arms00:13:37
did you see her moving in the picture00:13:39
Grandma nobody did wherever she was with00:13:43
her outside feeding the ducks or inside00:13:45
looking out of the window she was always00:13:48
motionless just to figure painted in00:13:51
oils it was all very odd my grandmother00:13:54
said very odd indeed00:13:57
and what was most out of all was that as00:14:01
the years went by she kept growing older00:14:03
in the picture in 10 years the small00:14:06
girl had become a young woman in 3000:14:09
years she was middle-aged then all at00:14:12
once 54 years after it all happened she00:14:16
disappeared from the picture altogether00:14:18
to me she died I said who knows my00:14:23
grandmother said some very mysterious00:14:25
things go on in the world of witches00:14:29
to you tell me about I said00:14:31
what happened to the third one00:14:33
the third one was little birds Vincent00:14:36
my grandmother said she lived just00:14:38
across the road from us00:14:40
one day she started growing feathers all00:14:43
over her body00:14:44
within a month she had turned into a00:14:46
large white chicken00:14:48
her parents kept her for years in a pin00:14:51
in the garden00:14:52
she even laid eggs00:14:54
color eggs I said brown ones my00:14:57
grandmother said00:14:59
I'd ever seen in my life00:15:01
her mother made omelettes out of them00:15:02
delicious they were00:15:04
I gazed up at my grandmother who sat00:15:07
there like some ancient Queen on her00:15:09
throne her eyes were Misty gray and they00:15:12
seem to be looking at something many00:15:13
miles away00:15:15
the cigar was the only real thing about00:15:17
her at that moment and the smoke it made00:15:20
billowed round her head in blue clouds00:15:23
but the little girl who became a chicken00:15:25
didn't disappear I said no not perfect00:15:28
she lived on for many years laying her00:15:31
brown eggs00:15:33
you said all of them disappeared I made00:15:36
a mistake my grandmother said I am00:15:38
getting old I can't remember everything00:15:41
what happened to the fourth child I00:15:43
asked the fourth child was a boy called00:15:47
Harold my grandmother said one morning00:15:50
his skin went all grayish yellow then it00:15:53
became hard and cracky like the shell of00:15:55
a nut by evening the boy had turned to00:15:59
stone00:16:00
so nice and I said you mean real Stone00:16:03
Granite she said I'll take you to see00:16:05
him if you like they still keep him in00:16:07
the house he stands in the hall a little00:16:10
Stone statue visitors lean their00:16:12
umbrellas up against him00:16:13
although I was very young I was not00:16:16
prepared to believe everything my00:16:17
grandmother told me and yet she spoke00:16:20
with such confliction with such utter00:16:22
seriousness and with never a smile on00:16:24
her face or a twinkle in her eye that I00:16:26
found myself beginning to wonder00:16:29
go on Grandmama I said you told me there00:16:32
were five altogether what happened to00:16:33
the last one00:16:35
would you like a puff of my cigar she00:16:37
said I'm only seven Grandma I don't care00:16:40
what age you are she said she said00:16:42
you'll never catch a cold if you smoke00:16:44
cigars what about number five Grandmama00:16:47
number five she said chewing the end of00:16:50
her cigar as though it were a delicious00:16:52
asparagus was rather an interesting case00:16:55
a nine-year-old boy called Leaf was00:16:58
summer holidaying with his family on the00:17:00
Fjord and the whole family was00:17:02
picnicking and swimming off some rocks00:17:04
on one of those little Islands yangirith00:17:07
dived into the water and his father who00:17:09
was watching him noticed that he stayed00:17:11
under for an unusually long time we came00:17:15
to the service at last he wasn't Leaf00:17:17
anymore00:17:18
what was he talking about00:17:20
he was a purpose00:17:22
he wasn't he couldn't have been00:17:26
he was a lovely young purpose she said00:17:29
and as friendly as could be00:17:31
Grandma I said yes my darling00:17:34
did he really and truly turn into a00:17:38
purpose00:17:39
absolutely she said I knew his mother00:17:42
well she told me all about it she told00:17:45
me how Leaf the purpose stayed with them00:17:47
all that afternoon giving his brothers00:17:49
and sisters rights on his back they had00:17:51
a wonderful time00:17:53
waved a flip her at them and swam away00:17:55
never to be seen again00:17:58
but Grandma I said how did they know00:18:01
that the poppers would actually leave00:18:03
he'd talk to them my grandmother said he00:18:07
laughed and joked with them all the time00:18:08
he was giving them rights00:18:10
but wasn't there a most tremendous fuss00:18:13
when this happened I asked not much my00:18:15
grandmother said you must remember that00:18:17
here in Norway we are used to that sort00:18:19
of thing there are witches everywhere00:18:21
there's probably one living in our00:18:23
street this very moment00:18:25
time you went to bed00:18:27
a witch wouldn't come in through my00:18:29
window in the night would she I asked00:18:31
quaking a little no my grandmother said00:18:34
a witch will never do silly things like00:18:37
climbing up drain pipes or breaking into00:18:39
people's houses you'll be quite safe in00:18:41
your bed come along I'll tap you in00:18:48
how to recognize a witch00:18:52
the next evening after my grandmother00:18:54
had given me my bath she took me once00:18:56
again into the living room for another00:18:58
story00:18:59
tonight the old woman said I am going to00:19:02
tell you how to recognize a witch when00:19:05
you see one00:19:06
can you always be sure I asked no she00:19:10
said you can't and that's the trouble00:19:12
but you can make a pretty good guess00:19:16
she was dropping cigar Ash all over her00:19:18
lap and I hope she wasn't going to catch00:19:20
on fire before she told me how to00:19:22
recognize a witch00:19:24
in the first place she said a real witch00:19:27
is certain always to be wearing gloves00:19:30
when you meet her00:19:31
but surely not always I said what about00:19:34
in the summer when it's hot he even in00:19:36
the summer my grandmother said she has00:19:39
to00:19:40
do you want to know why00:19:43
why I said because she doesn't have00:19:46
fingernails00:19:48
instead of fingernails she has thin00:19:51
curvy claws like a cat and she wears the00:19:54
gloves to hide them00:19:56
my you it's a very respectable women00:19:59
wear gloves especially in winter so this00:20:01
doesn't help you very much Mama used to00:20:04
wear gloves I said not in the house my00:20:07
grandmother said which is where gloves00:20:09
even in the house they only take them00:20:12
off when they go to bed00:20:14
how do you know all this grandma don't00:20:16
interrupt she said just take it all in00:20:19
the second thing to remember is that a00:20:22
real witch is always bold00:20:25
bald asset bald as a boiled egg my00:20:28
grandmother said I was shocked it was00:20:32
something indecent about a bald woman00:20:34
why are they bald grandma don't ask me00:20:38
why she snapped but you can take it from00:20:40
me that on a single hair grows on a00:20:42
witch's head how horrid do disgusting00:20:46
listen00:20:48
he's bald she'll be easy to spot I said00:20:50
not at all my grandmother said a real00:20:54
witch always wears a wig to hide her00:20:56
bonus she wears a first-class wig and it00:20:59
is almost impossible to tell a really00:21:01
first class wig from ordinary hair00:21:03
unless you give it a pull to see if it00:21:05
comes off00:21:06
then that's what I'll have to do I said00:21:08
don't be foolish my grandmother said you00:21:12
can't go around pulling at the hair00:21:15
she is wearing glass00:21:17
to try to see what happens so that00:21:20
doesn't help much either I00:21:22
think none of these things is any good00:21:23
on its own my grandmother said it's only00:21:26
when you put them all together that they00:21:29
begin to make a little sense mind you my00:21:31
grandmother went on these Wings do cause00:21:34
a serious problem for witches00:21:36
what problem Grandma they make the scalp00:21:40
each most terribly she said you see when00:21:43
an actress wears a wig or if you or I00:21:45
were to wear a wig we would be putting00:21:47
it on over our own hair but a witch has00:21:50
to put it on straight onto her naked00:21:52
scalp and the underneath of a wig is00:21:54
always very rough and scratchy it sets00:21:57
up a platform itch on the ball's skin it00:22:00
causes nasty sores on the head wig rash00:22:03
The Witches call it and it doesn't half00:22:05
itch00:22:06
what other things must I look for to00:22:08
recognize a witch I asked look for the00:22:12
nose holes my grandmother said witches00:22:14
have slightly larger nose holes than00:22:16
ordinary people the rim of each nose00:22:19
hole is pink and curvy like the rim of a00:22:22
certain kind of seashell00:22:24
why do they have such big nose holes I00:22:26
asked for smelling with my grandmother00:22:29
said a real witch has the most amazing00:22:31
powers of smell she could actually smell00:22:34
out a child who is standing on the other00:22:37
side of the street on a pitch black00:22:39
light00:22:40
she couldn't smell me I said I've just00:22:42
had a bath oh yes she could my00:22:45
grandmother said the cleaner you happen00:22:47
to be the more smelly you are to a witch00:22:51
that can't be true I said an absolutely00:22:55
teen child gives off the most gasless00:22:58
tense to a witch my grandmother said the00:23:00
dirtier you are the less you smell00:23:03
but that doesn't make sense grandma Mark00:23:05
oh yes he does my grandmother said it00:23:08
isn't the dirt that the witch is00:23:10
smelling it is you00:23:13
the smell that drives a witch mad00:23:15
actually comes right out of your own00:23:17
skin it comes oozing out of your skin in00:23:19
waves and these waves stick waves which00:23:22
is called them go floating through the00:23:24
air and hit the witch right smack in her00:23:27
nostrils they send her ring now wait a00:23:30
minute grandma don't interrupt she said00:23:33
the point is this when you haven't00:23:36
washed for a week and your skin is all00:23:38
covered over with dirt00:23:39
obviously the stick waves cannot come00:23:42
oozing out nearly so strongly00:23:44
I shall never have a bath again I said00:23:47
just don't have one too often my00:23:49
grandmother said once a month is quite00:23:51
enough for a sensible child00:23:54
it was at moments like these that I00:23:56
loved my grandmother more than ever00:23:59
Grandma I said if it's a dark night00:24:02
having a witch smell the difference00:24:04
between a child and a grown-up00:24:06
because grown-ups don't give out stink00:24:08
waves she said only children do that00:24:11
but I don't really give out stink waves00:24:14
do I I said I'm not feeling about at00:24:16
this very moment am I not to me you00:24:19
aren't my grandmother said to me you are00:24:21
smelling like raspberries and cream but00:24:23
to a witch you will be smelling00:24:25
absolutely disgusting00:24:28
what would I be smelling off I00:24:30
are dogs droppings my grandmother said I00:24:33
reeled I was stunned dogs droppings I00:24:37
cried I am not smelling of dogs Guppies00:24:40
I don't believe it I won't believe it00:24:42
what's more my grandmother said speaking00:24:45
with a touch of relish to a witch you'd00:24:48
be smelling of fresh dog stoppings00:24:51
that simply is not true I cried I know00:24:55
I'm not smelling of dogs droppings00:24:56
staying all fresh00:24:58
no point in arguing about00:25:02
your life00:25:03
I was outraged I simply couldn't bring00:25:06
myself to believe what my grandmother00:25:08
was telling me00:25:09
so if you see a woman holding her nose00:25:12
as she passes you in the street sure not00:25:14
that woman could easily be a witch00:25:18
I decided to change the subject00:25:21
tell me what else to look for in a witch00:25:23
I said the eyes my grandmother said look00:25:27
carefully at the eyes because the eyes00:25:29
of a real witch are different from yours00:25:32
and mine look in the middle of each eye00:25:34
where there is normally Ultra black dot00:25:38
he is a witch the00:25:40
the changing color and you will see fire00:25:43
and you will see ice dancing right in00:25:45
the very center of the current dot00:25:48
people send Shivers running all over00:25:50
your skin00:25:52
my grandmother lent back in her chair00:25:54
and sucked away contentedly at her foul00:25:57
black cigar00:25:58
I squatted on the floor staring up at00:26:01
her fascinated she wasn't smiling she00:26:04
looked deadliest00:26:07
are there other things I often of course00:26:11
there are other things my grandmother00:26:12
said you don't seem to understand that00:26:15
witches are not actually women at all00:26:17
they look like women they talk like00:26:20
women and they are able to act like00:26:22
women but in actual fact they are00:26:24
totally different animals they are00:26:27
demons in human shape that is why they00:26:31
have claws and bald heads and queer00:26:33
noses and peculiar eyes all of which00:26:36
they have to conceal as best they can00:26:38
from the rest of the world00:26:41
what else is different about them00:26:43
grandma00:26:44
defeat she said witches never have toes00:26:49
no toes I cried then what do they have00:26:52
they just have feet my grandmother said00:26:56
the feet have square ends with no toes00:26:59
on them at all00:27:00
does that make it difficult to walk I00:27:02
asked not at all my grandmother said00:27:05
that it does give them a problem with00:27:07
their shoes00:27:08
all ladies like to wear small rather00:27:10
pointed shoes but a witch whose feet are00:27:13
very wide and square the ends have the00:27:15
most awful job of squeezing her feet00:27:17
into those neat little pointy shoes00:27:19
why doesn't she wear white comfy shoes00:27:22
with square ends I asked she are not00:27:26
her ball is00:27:29
also hide her I feel with his feet00:27:32
his shoes00:27:33
isn't that terribly uncomfortable I said00:27:36
extremely uncomfortable my grandmother00:27:38
said but she has to put up with it00:27:41
if she's wearing ordinary shoes it won't00:27:43
help me to recognize her with her00:27:45
grandma I'm afraid it won't my00:27:48
grandmother said you might possibly see00:27:50
her limping very slightly but only if00:27:53
you were watching closely00:27:55
are those the only differences then00:27:56
Grandma there's one more my grandmother00:28:00
said just one more00:28:04
their spit is blue00:28:07
blue I tried not blue this bit carpet00:28:12
blue blue as a bill brick she said tutor00:28:17
mean it Grandma nobody can have blue00:28:19
spit witches can she said is it like ink00:28:23
I asked exactly she said they even use00:28:26
it to write with they use those00:28:28
old-fashioned pens that have nibs and00:28:30
they simply lick the lip00:28:33
can you notice the blue spit grandma if00:28:36
a witch was talking to me would I be00:28:37
able to notice it only if you looked00:28:40
carefully my grandmother said if you00:28:42
looked very carefully you would probably00:28:44
see a slight bluish tinge on her teeth00:28:48
but it doesn't show much it would if00:28:50
she's bad I said which is never spit my00:28:53
grandmother said they don't00:28:56
I couldn't believe my grandmother would00:28:58
be lying to me he went to church every00:29:00
morning of the week and she said grace00:29:02
before every meal and somebody who did00:29:04
that would never tell lies00:29:07
I was beginning to believe every word00:29:09
she spoke00:29:10
so there you are my grandmother said00:29:12
that's about all I can tell you none of00:29:15
it is very helpful you can still never00:29:17
be absolutely sure whether a woman is a00:29:19
witch or not just by looking at her but00:29:21
if he is wearing the gloves if he has a00:29:23
large nose holes the queer eyes and the00:29:26
hair that looks as though it might be a00:29:28
wig and if he has a bluish tinge on her00:29:30
teeth if she has all of these things00:29:32
then you'll run like mad00:29:35
Panama I said when you were a little00:29:38
girl did you ever meet a witch00:29:41
once my grandmother said only once what00:29:46
happened I'm not going to tell you she00:29:48
said it would frighten you out of your00:29:50
skin and give you bad dreams00:29:52
please tell me I picked no she said00:29:55
certain things are too horrible to talk00:29:58
about does it have something to do with your00:30:00
missing thumb I asked00:30:03
suddenly her old wrinkled lips shut00:30:05
tight as a pair of tongs and the hand00:30:08
that held a cigar which had no thumb on00:30:10
it began to quiver but it's likely00:30:13
I waited she didn't look at me she00:30:16
didn't speak00:30:17
all of a sudden she had shut herself off00:30:20
completely00:30:21
the conversation was finished00:30:24
good eye Grandma I said rising from the00:30:26
floor and kissing her on the cheek00:30:29
she didn't move00:30:30
I crept out of the room00:30:33
and went to my bedroom00:30:37
the grand High witch00:30:41
the next day a man in a black suit00:30:43
arrived at the house carrying a00:30:45
briefcase and he held a long00:30:47
conversation with my grandmother in the00:30:49
living room00:30:50
I was not allowed in while he was there00:30:52
but when at last he went away my00:30:55
grandmother came into me walking very00:30:57
slowly and looking very sad00:31:00
that man was reading me your father's00:31:03
will she said00:31:05
what is a will I asked her it is00:31:08
something you write before you die she00:31:10
said and in it you say who is going to00:31:12
have your money and your property but00:31:15
most important of all it says who is00:31:18
going to look after your child if both00:31:19
the mother and father are dead00:31:22
fearful Panic took hold of me it did say00:31:25
you Grandmama I cried I don't have to go00:31:27
to somebody else do I no she said your00:31:30
father would never have done that he has00:31:33
asked me to take care of you for as long00:31:35
as I live but he has also asked that I00:31:37
take you back to your own house in00:31:39
England he wants us to stay there00:31:42
but why I said why can't we stay here in00:31:45
Norway you would hate to live anywhere00:31:46
else you told me you would I know she00:31:50
said but there are a lot of00:31:51
complications with money and with the00:31:53
house that you wouldn't understand also00:31:55
it said in the will that although all00:31:57
your family is Norwegian you were born00:31:59
in England and you have started your00:32:01
education there and he wants you to00:32:03
continue going to English schools00:32:05
oh Grandmama I Cry you don't want to go00:32:08
and live in our English house I know you00:32:10
don't of course I don't she said but I'm00:32:13
afraid I must the will said that your00:32:16
mother felt the same way about it and it00:32:18
is important to respect the wishes of00:32:20
the parents00:32:21
there was no way out of it we had to go00:32:23
to England and my grandmother started00:32:25
making arrangements at once your next00:32:28
school term begins in a few days she00:32:30
said so we don't have any time to waste00:32:33
on the evening before we left for00:32:35
England my grandmother got onto her00:32:37
favorite subject once again00:32:39
there are not as many witches in England00:32:41
as there are in Norway she said I'm sure00:32:44
I won't meet one I see00:32:46
I sincerely hope you won't she said00:32:49
because those English witches are00:32:51
probably the most vicious in the whole00:32:53
world00:32:54
as she sat there smoking her foul cigar00:32:57
and talking away I kept looking at the00:32:59
hand with the missing thumb I couldn't00:33:02
help it I was fascinated by it and I00:33:05
kept wondering what awful thing had00:33:06
happened that time when she had met a00:33:07
witch it must have been something00:33:09
absolutely appalling and gruesome00:33:11
otherwise she would have told me about00:33:13
it maybe the thumb had been Twisted off00:33:15
or perhaps she been forced to jam her00:33:17
thumb down the spout of a boiling Kettle00:33:19
until it was steamed away or did someone00:33:22
pull it out of her hand like a tooth00:33:24
couldn't help trying to guess00:33:26
tell me what those English witches do00:33:28
Grandma I said well she said sucking00:33:32
away at her stinking cigar their00:33:34
favorite rules is to mix up a powder00:33:36
that will turn a child into some00:33:38
creature or other that all grown-ups00:33:40
hate what sort of creature Grandma often00:33:44
it's a slug she said a slug is one of00:33:47
their favorites then the grown-ups step00:33:49
on the slug and squish it without00:33:51
knowing it's a child00:33:53
that's perfectly beastly I cried or it00:33:57
might be a flea my grandmother said they00:33:59
might turn you into a flea and without00:34:01
realizing what she was doing your own00:34:03
mother would get out the flea powder and00:34:05
then it could buy to you00:34:07
you're making me nervous Grandma I don't00:34:10
think I want to go back to England00:34:11
I've known English witches shimadon who00:34:14
have turned children into pheasants and00:34:17
then sneaked the pheasants up into the00:34:19
woods the very day before the Pheasant00:34:21
shooting season opened00:34:23
ouch I said so they get shot of course00:34:26
they get shot she said and then they get00:34:29
plucked and roasted and eaten for supper00:34:32
pictured myself as a pheasant flying00:34:34
frantically over the men with the guns00:34:36
swerving and dipping as the guns00:34:38
exploded below me yes my grandmother00:34:40
said it gives the English which is great00:34:43
pleasure to stand back and watch the00:34:44
grown-ups doing their way with their own00:34:46
children00:34:47
I really don't want to go to England00:34:49
Grandma of course you don't she said nor00:34:52
do I but I'm afraid we've got to ah00:34:55
which is different in every country I00:34:57
asked completely different my00:34:59
grandmother said but I don't know much00:35:00
about the other countries00:35:02
don't you even know about America I00:35:04
asked not really she answered although I00:35:08
have heard it said that over there the00:35:10
witches are able to make the grown-ups00:35:12
eat their own children never I cried oh00:35:16
no Grandma that couldn't be true I don't00:35:19
know whether it's true or not she said00:35:21
it's a real rumor I've heard but how00:35:24
could they possibly make them eat their00:35:26
own children I asked by telling them00:35:29
into hot dogs she said that wouldn't be00:35:31
too difficult for a clever witch does00:35:34
every single country in the world have00:35:35
its witches I asked wherever you'll find00:35:38
people you find witches my grandmother00:35:40
said there is a secret society which is00:35:43
in every country00:35:45
and do they all know one another00:35:47
Grandmama they do not she said a witch00:35:50
only knows the witches in her own00:35:52
country she is strictly forbidden to00:35:54
communicate with any foreign witches but00:35:56
in English which for example will know00:35:58
all the other witches in England they00:36:01
are all friends they ring each other up00:36:03
they swap deadly recipes goodness knows00:36:06
what else they talk about I hate to00:36:08
think00:36:09
sat on the floor watching my grandmother00:36:11
she put her cigar stabbed in the ashtray00:36:13
and pulled with her hands across her00:36:15
stomach00:36:16
once a year she went on the witches of00:36:19
each separate country hold their own00:36:21
secret meeting they all get together in00:36:24
one place to receive a lecture from the00:36:26
grand High witch of all the world00:36:29
from oh I cried like she is the ruler of00:36:33
them all my grandmother said she is all00:36:37
powerful she is without Mercy or other00:36:40
witches are petrified of her they see00:36:42
her only once a year at their annual00:36:44
meeting she goes there to whip up00:36:46
excitement and enthusiasm and to give00:36:48
orders the grand High which traveled00:36:50
from country to Country attending these00:36:52
annual meetings00:36:54
where do they have these meetings00:36:56
Grandma there are all sorts of rumors my00:36:59
grandmother answered I have heard it00:37:01
said that they just book into a hotel00:37:03
like any other group of women who are00:37:04
holding a meeting I have also heard it00:37:07
said that some very peculiar things go00:37:09
on in the hotels they stay in it is00:37:12
rumored that the beds are never slept in00:37:14
that there are burn marks on the bedroom00:37:16
carpets that toads are discovered in the00:37:20
bathtubs and that down in the kitchen00:37:22
the cook once found a baby crocodile00:37:25
swimming in his saucepan of soup00:37:28
my grandmother picked up a cigar and00:37:31
took another puff inhaling the foul00:37:33
smoke deeply into her lungs00:37:35
where is the Grand High which lived when00:37:37
she's at home I asked nobody knows my00:37:41
grandmother said if we knew that they00:37:43
then she could be rooted out and00:37:45
destroyed which her files all over the00:37:47
world have spent their lives tried to00:37:49
discover the secret headquarters of the00:37:51
grand High witch00:37:53
ER file grandma00:37:55
a person who studies witches and knows a00:37:57
lot about them my grandmother said00:38:00
are you a witch of our grandma I am a00:38:03
retired Witcher file she said I am too00:38:05
old to be active any longer but when I00:38:08
was younger I traveled all over the00:38:10
globe trying to track down the grand00:38:12
High witch I never came even close to00:38:15
succeeding is he rich I asked she's00:38:19
rowing my grandmother said simply00:38:22
rolling in money rumor has it that there00:38:25
a machine in her headquarters00:38:27
headquarter exactly like the machine the00:38:28
government uses to print the benefits00:38:30
you and I use00:38:32
after all that notes early Bits of Paper00:38:34
with special designs and pictures on00:38:36
them anyone can make them who has the00:38:38
right machine and the right paper00:38:40
my guess is that the grand High which00:38:43
makes all the money she wants and she00:38:45
dishes it out to witches everywhere00:38:48
what about foreign money I asked those00:38:50
machines can make Chinese money if you00:38:53
want them to my grandmother said it's00:38:55
only a question of pressing the right00:38:56
button but Grandma I said if nobody has00:38:59
ever seen the grand High witch how can00:39:02
you be so sure she exists00:39:04
my grandmother gave me a long and very00:39:07
severe look00:39:08
nobody has ever seen the devil she said00:39:12
but we know he exists00:39:15
the next morning we sailed to England00:39:18
and soon I was back in the old Family00:39:20
House in Kent but this time with only my00:39:23
grandmother to look after me00:39:24
then the Easter turn began and every00:39:27
weekday I went to school and everything00:39:29
seemed to have come back to normal again00:39:31
now at the bottom of our garden there00:39:34
was an enormous concrete tree00:39:36
high up in these branches to me my best00:39:39
friend00:39:40
life has started to build a magnificent00:39:41
treehouse00:39:43
we were able to work on it only at the00:39:45
weekends but we were getting along fine00:39:47
we had begun with a floor which we built00:39:50
by laying wide planks between two quite00:39:52
far apart branches and nailing them down00:39:55
within a month we had finished the floor00:39:57
then we constructed a wooden railing00:39:59
around the floor and that left only the00:40:01
roof to be built the roof was a00:40:04
difficult bit00:40:05
one Saturday afternoon when Timmy was in00:40:08
bed with flu I decided to make a start00:40:10
on the roof all by myself00:40:13
it was lovely being high up there in00:40:15
that cockatry all alone with the pale00:40:17
young leaves coming out everywhere00:40:18
around me it was like being a big green00:40:21
cave and the height made it extra00:40:24
exciting my grandmother had told me that00:40:26
if I fell I would break a leg and every00:40:28
time I looked down I Got A tingle along00:40:31
my spine00:40:32
I worked away nailing the first plank on00:40:35
the roof00:40:36
then suddenly out of the corner of my00:40:39
eye I caught sight of a woman standing00:40:41
immediately below me00:40:43
she was looking out at me and smiling in00:40:45
the most peculiar way00:40:47
most people smile their lips go out00:40:50
sideways This Woman's lips went upwards00:40:53
and downwards showing all her front00:40:55
teeth and guns the guns were like raw00:40:59
meat00:41:00
it is always a shock to discover that00:41:02
you're being watched when you think00:41:04
you're alone00:41:05
and what was this strange woman doing in00:41:07
our garden anyway00:41:09
I noticed that she was wearing a small00:41:11
black hat00:41:12
she had black gloves on her hands her00:41:15
gloves came nearly up to her elbows00:41:18
collabs00:41:19
she was wearing gloves00:41:22
I froze all over00:41:24
I have a present for you she said still00:41:28
staring at me still smiling still00:41:30
showing her teeth and gums00:41:33
I didn't answer come down out of that00:41:36
tree little boy she's00:41:37
and I shall give you the most exciting00:41:40
presents you've ever had her voice had a00:41:43
curious rasping quality it made a sort00:41:46
of metallic sound as though her thought00:41:48
was her drawing pins00:41:50
without taking her eyes from my face she00:41:52
very slowly put one of those gloved00:41:55
hands into her purse and Drew out a00:41:58
small green snake00:42:01
held it up for me to see00:42:03
it came she said00:42:06
the snake began to quiet itself around00:42:08
her forearm it was it wasn't green00:42:11
if you come down here I shall give him00:42:14
to you she said oh Grandmama I thought00:42:17
come on help me then I panicked I got00:42:21
the hammer and shot up that enormous00:42:23
tree like a monkey I didn't stop until I00:42:25
was as high as I could possibly go and00:42:27
there I stayed quivering with fear I00:42:30
couldn't see the woman now there were00:42:31
layers and layers of leaves between her00:42:33
and me00:42:35
I stayed up there for hours and I kept00:42:38
very still it began to grow dark at last00:42:42
I heard my grandmother calling my name00:42:44
I'm up here I00:42:47
calmed down at once she called out it00:42:50
passed your sabotage Grandma I shouted00:42:53
has that woman gone what woman my00:42:57
grandmother00:42:58
caught the woman in the black gloves00:43:00
they were science From Below00:43:03
The Silence of someone00:43:05
who's done00:43:08
Grandma I00:43:10
had she gone00:43:12
yes00:43:15
she's gone I'm here my darling I look00:43:18
after you you can come down now00:43:21
I climbed out I was trembling my00:43:25
grandmother insulted me in her arms00:43:28
Tina witch00:43:30
come inside she said you will be all00:43:33
right with me00:43:34
she led me into the house and gave me a00:43:37
cup of hot cocoa with lots of sugar in00:43:39
it tell me everything she said00:43:42
I told her00:43:44
by the time I had finished it with my00:43:46
grandmother who was trembling her face00:43:49
was ashy gray and I saw her glance down00:43:51
at that hand of hers that didn't have a00:43:53
thumb00:43:55
you know what this means she said it00:43:58
means that there is one of them in our00:44:00
district from now on I'm not letting you00:44:03
walk alone to school do you think she00:44:06
could be after me specially I asked no00:44:10
she said I doubt that one child is as00:44:13
good as any other to those creatures00:44:15
it is harder surprising that after that00:44:18
I became a very witch conscious little00:44:19
boy00:44:20
if I happen to be alone on the road and00:44:22
saw a woman approaching was wearing00:44:24
gloves I would quit this skip across to00:44:26
the other side00:44:27
as the weather remained pretty cold00:44:29
during the whole of that month nearly00:44:31
everybody was wearing gloves00:44:33
seriously enough though I never saw the00:44:35
woman with the green snake again00:44:37
that was my first witch00:44:40
but it wasn't my last00:44:46
summer holidays00:44:49
the Easter holidays came and went and00:44:52
the summer term began at school my00:44:54
grandmother and I had already planned to00:44:56
take our summer holiday in Norway and we00:44:58
talked about almost nothing else every00:45:00
evening she had booked a cabin for each00:45:02
of us on the boat from Newcastle to Oslo00:45:04
at the earliest possible moment after my00:45:07
school broke up and from Oslo she was00:45:09
going to take me to a place she knew00:45:11
down on the south coast near Arundel00:45:13
where she had spent her own summer00:45:15
holidays as a child nearly 80 years ago00:45:19
all day long she said my brother and I00:45:22
were out in the rowing boat the whole00:45:24
Coast is dotted with tiny islands and00:45:26
there's nobody on them we used to00:45:28
explore them and dive into the sea of00:45:30
the lovely smooth granite rocks and00:45:33
sometimes on the way out we would drop00:45:34
the anchor and fish for COD and Whiting00:45:37
and if we caught anything we would build00:45:39
a fire on an island and Fry the fish in00:45:41
a pan for our lunch00:45:43
there is no finer fish in the world than00:45:45
Absolutely Fresh Cod what did you use00:45:48
for bait Grandma when you went fishing00:45:51
mussels she said everyone uses mussels00:45:54
for bait in Norway and we didn't catch00:45:57
any fish we would boil the mussels in a00:45:59
saucepan and eat those were they good00:46:02
delicious she said cook them in seawater00:46:05
and they are tender and salty what else00:46:08
did you do Grandma00:46:09
we used to row out and wave to the00:46:11
shrimp boats on their way home and they00:46:13
would stop and give us a handful of00:46:14
shrimps each the shrimps were still warm00:46:17
from having been just cooked and we00:46:19
would sit in the rowing boat peeling00:46:20
them and gobbling them up00:46:22
it was the best part00:46:24
the head I said you squeeze the head00:46:27
between your teeth and suck out the00:46:29
inside it's marvelous Heaven you and I00:46:32
will do all those things this summer my00:46:33
darling she said Grandma I said I can't00:46:37
wait I simply can't wait to go nor could00:46:41
I should00:46:44
when there were only three weeks of the00:46:46
summer term left an awful thing happened00:46:48
my grandmother got pneumonia00:46:51
she became very ill and a trained nurse00:46:53
moved into the house to look after her00:46:56
the doctor explained to me that00:46:57
pneumonia is not normally a dangerous00:46:59
illness nowadays because of penicillin00:47:01
but when a person is more than 80 years00:47:04
old as my grandmother was then it is00:47:06
very dangerous indeed00:47:08
he said he didn't even dare to move her00:47:10
to hospital in her condition so she00:47:12
stayed in her bedroom and I hung about00:47:14
outside the door while oxygen cylinders00:47:16
and all sorts of other fattening things00:47:18
were taken into her00:47:20
can I go in and see her I asked no dear00:47:23
the nurse said not at the moment00:47:25
a fat jolly lady called Mrs Spring who00:47:28
used to come and clean our house every00:47:30
day also moved in and slept in the house00:47:32
Mrs Spring looked after me and cooked my00:47:35
meals I liked her very much but she00:47:37
wasn't a pet on my grandmother for00:47:39
telling stories00:47:40
one evening about 10 days later the00:47:43
doctor came downstairs and said to me00:47:45
you can go in and see her now but only00:47:47
for a short time she's been asking for00:47:49
you00:47:50
I flew up the stairs00:47:52
stairs grandmother's room and threw00:47:54
myself into her arms00:47:56
hey there the nursery be careful with00:47:58
her will you be all right now Grandma I00:48:01
asked the worst is over she said I'll00:48:04
soon be up again00:48:05
will she I said to the nurse oh yes the00:48:09
nurse answered smiling she told us she00:48:11
simply had to get better because she has00:48:12
to look after you00:48:14
I gave her another hug00:48:16
they won't let me have a cigar she said00:48:18
but you wait till we're gone00:48:21
she's a Tavo bird the nurse said we will00:48:24
have her up in another week00:48:25
the nurse was right within a week my00:48:28
grandmother was thumping around the00:48:29
house with her gold top cane and00:48:31
interfering with Mrs Spring's cooking I00:48:34
thank you for all your help Mrs Spring00:48:36
she said but you can go home now00:48:38
oh no I can't Mrs Spring said doctor00:48:41
told me to see that you take it very00:48:43
easy for the next few days00:48:45
the doctor said more than that he00:48:48
dropped a bombshell on my grandmother00:48:49
and me by telling us there are no00:48:51
account were we to risk the journey to00:48:53
Norway this summer00:48:55
ravish my grandmother cried I promised00:48:58
him we'll go00:48:59
too far the doctor said it would be very00:49:02
dangerous but I'll tell you what you can00:49:05
do you can take your grandson to a nice00:49:07
hotel on the south coast of England00:49:09
instead the Sea Air is just what you00:49:11
need oh no I said do you want your00:49:15
grandmother to Die the doctor asked me00:49:17
never I said then don't let her go on a00:49:21
long journey of this summer she's not00:49:23
yet strong enough and stop her smoking00:49:25
those wild black cigars00:49:27
in the end the doctor had his way about00:49:30
the holiday but not about the cigars00:49:32
rumors were booked for us in a place00:49:34
called the hotel magnificent in the00:49:37
famous seaside town of Bournemouth00:49:39
Bournemouth my grandmother told me was00:49:41
full of old people like herself they00:49:43
retired there by the Thousand because00:49:45
the air was so Bracy and healthy it kept00:49:47
them so they believed alive for a few00:49:50
extra years00:49:52
I asked of course not she said it's00:49:55
tomirot but just for once I think we've00:49:57
got to obey the doctor00:50:00
soon after that my grandmother and I00:50:02
took the train to Bournemouth and00:50:03
settled into the hotel magnificent it00:50:06
was an enormous white building on the00:50:08
seafront and it looked to me like a00:50:10
pretty boring place to spend a summer00:50:11
holiday in I had my own separate bedroom00:50:14
but there was a door connecting my room00:50:16
with my grandmother's room so that we00:50:18
could visit each other without going00:50:20
into the corridor just before we left00:50:22
for Bournemouth my grandmother had given00:50:24
me as consolation a present of two white00:50:27
mice in a little cage and of course I00:50:30
took them with me they were terrific fan00:50:32
those mice I call them William and Mary00:50:34
and in the hotel I set out right away00:50:37
teaching them to do tricks00:50:39
the first trick I taught them was to00:50:41
creep up the sleeve of my jacket and00:50:43
come out by my neck00:50:45
then I taught them to climb up the back00:50:46
of my neck onto the top of my head I did00:50:49
this by putting cake crumbs in my hair00:50:52
on the very first morning after our00:50:54
arrival the chambermaid was making my00:50:56
bed when one of my mouse poked its head00:50:59
out from under the sheets the maid lit00:51:01
out a shriek that brought a dozen people00:51:03
running to Sea he was being murdered I00:51:05
was reported to the manager00:51:06
have followed an unpleasant scene in the00:51:09
manager's office with the manager my00:51:10
grandmother and me00:51:12
the manager whose name was Mr Stringer00:51:15
was a bristly man in a black-tailed coat00:51:17
I cannot permit mice in my hotel Madam00:51:20
he said to my grandma00:51:22
how dare you say that when your rotten00:51:24
hotel is full of rats anyway my00:51:26
grandmother cried rats cried Mrs00:51:29
Trinidad going move in the face there00:51:31
are no rats in this hotel I saw one this00:51:35
very morning my grandmother said it was00:51:38
running down the corridor into the00:51:40
kitchen that is not true cried Mr00:51:43
Stringer you had better get the00:51:45
vetcatcher eared once my grandmother00:51:47
said before I report you to the public00:51:48
health authorities I expect there's rats00:51:51
cutting all over the kitchen floor and00:51:53
stealing the food off the shelves and00:51:55
jumping in and out of the soup never00:51:58
cried Mr Slinger no wonder my breakfast00:52:01
toast was all nibbled around the edges00:52:02
this morning my grandmother went on00:52:04
relentlessly no one day it had a nasty00:52:07
ratty taste if you're not careful the00:52:10
health people will be ordering the00:52:11
entire hotel to be closed before anyone00:52:13
gets typhoid fever you are not the00:52:17
serious Madam Mr string said I was never00:52:20
more serious in my life example said are00:52:24
you or are you not going to allow my00:52:26
grandson to keep his white mice in his00:52:28
room00:52:29
the military knew when he was beaten00:52:32
may I suggest a compromise Madam he said00:52:35
he said I will permit him to keep them00:52:37
in his room as long as they are never00:52:39
allowed out of the cage how's that that00:52:43
will suit us very well my grandmother00:52:45
said and she stood up and marched out of00:52:48
the room with me behind her00:52:50
there is no way you can train mice00:52:53
inside a cage yet I dared not let them00:52:56
out because the chambermaid was spying00:52:58
on me all the time she had a key to my00:53:00
door and she kept bursting in at all00:53:03
hours trying to catch me with the mice00:53:04
out of the cage she told me that the00:53:07
first Mouse to break the rules would be00:53:09
drowned in a bucket of water by the00:53:11
whole Porter00:53:13
I decided to seek a safer place where I00:53:16
could carry on with the training there00:53:18
must surely be an empty room in this00:53:20
enormous Hotel I put one Mouse into each00:53:23
trouser pocket and wandered downstairs00:53:25
in search of a secret spot00:53:28
the ground floor of the hotel was a maze00:53:30
of public rooms all of a named in go00:53:33
letters on the doors I wandered through00:53:35
the lounge and the smoking room and the00:53:39
card room and the reading room and the00:53:41
drawing room none of them was empty I00:53:44
went down a long wide Corridor and at00:53:46
the end of it I came to the ballroom00:53:49
there were double doors leading into it00:53:52
and in front of the doors there was a00:53:54
large notice board on a stand the notice00:53:57
on the board said00:54:00
rspcc meeting00:54:02
strictly private this room is reserved00:54:05
for the annual meeting of the Royal00:54:07
Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to00:54:10
Children00:54:11
the double doors into the room were open00:54:14
I peeked in it was a colossal run there00:54:18
were rows and rows of chairs all facing00:54:21
a platform the chairs were painted gold00:54:24
and they had little red cushions on the00:54:26
seats but there was not a soul inside00:54:29
I sidled cautiously into the room what a00:54:34
lovely secret silent place it was the00:54:37
meeting of the Royal Society for the00:54:39
prevention of Cruiser to Children must00:54:40
have taken place earlier in the day and00:54:42
now they've all gone home even if they00:54:45
hadn't even if they did suddenly come00:54:47
pouring in they would be wonderful kind00:54:50
people who would look with favor Upon A00:54:52
young Mouse trainer going about his00:54:53
business00:54:55
at the back of the room there was a00:54:57
large folding screen with Chinese00:54:59
dragons painted on it I decided to00:55:02
identified to go behind this screen and00:55:05
do my training there I wasn't a bit00:55:08
frightened of the Prevention of Cruelty00:55:09
to Children people but there was always00:55:11
a chance that Mr Stringer the manager00:55:13
might pop his head round the door00:55:15
he did and if he saw the mice the poor00:55:18
things would be in the hall Porter's00:55:19
bucket of water before I could shout00:55:21
stop00:55:22
I tiptoe to the back of the button00:55:24
settle myself on the thick Green carpet00:55:27
behind the big screen what a spending00:55:30
place this was ideal for Mouse training00:55:32
I took William and Mary out of my00:55:35
trouser pockets00:55:37
on the carpet00:55:40
bit trick I was going to teach them00:55:42
today was tightrope walking00:55:44
it's not all that difficult to train an00:55:46
intelligent Mouse to be an expert tiger00:55:48
Walker provided you know exactly how to00:55:51
go about it00:55:52
first you must have a piece of string I00:55:55
had that then you must have some good00:55:57
cake a fine current cake is the favorite00:56:00
food of white mice they are dirty about00:56:02
it I brought with me a rock cake which I00:56:05
pocketed while having tea with Grandma00:56:07
the day before00:56:08
now here's what you do you switch the00:56:12
string tight between your two hands but00:56:14
you start by keeping it very short only00:56:17
about three inches you put the mouse on00:56:20
your right hand and a little piece of00:56:22
cake on your left hand the mouse is00:56:24
therefore only three inches away from00:56:26
the cake you can see it and you can00:56:28
smell it his whiskers totally excitement00:56:31
he can almost reach the cake by leaning00:56:34
forward but not quite he only had to00:56:37
take two steps along the string to reach00:56:39
this tasty muscle00:56:41
he Ventures forward one pole on the00:56:43
string then the other if the Mouse has a00:56:46
good sense of balance and most of them00:56:47
have he will get across easily00:56:50
I started with William00:56:52
he walked the string without a moment's00:56:54
hesitation00:56:55
I didn't have a quick nibble of the cake00:56:57
just to witch his appetite then I put00:56:59
him back on my right hand this time I00:57:02
lengthened the string I made it about00:57:04
six inches long William knew what to do00:57:07
now with superb balance she walked step00:57:10
by step along the string until he00:57:12
reached the kick he was rewarded with00:57:14
another nibble00:57:15
quite soon William was walking a 24 inch00:57:19
tightrope or other type string from one00:57:21
hand to the other to reach the cake it00:57:23
was wonderful to watch him he was00:57:25
enduring himself tremendously I was00:57:27
careful to hold the string near the00:57:29
carpet so that if he did lose his00:57:30
balance he wouldn't have power to fall00:57:32
but he never fell William was obviously00:57:35
a natural acrobat a great kite robe00:57:37
walking Mouse00:57:39
now it was Mary's turn I put William on00:57:42
the carpet beside me and rewarded him00:57:44
with some extra crumbs and account00:57:46
then I started going through the same00:57:47
routine all over again with Mary my00:57:50
blinding ambition you see my dream of00:57:52
Dreams was to become one day the owner00:57:55
of a white mouse circus I would have a00:57:57
small stage with red curtains in front00:57:59
of it and when the curtains were drawn00:58:01
apart the audience would see my world00:58:03
famous performing mice Walking On Track00:58:06
trips screaming from trapezius turning00:58:08
somersault in the air bouncing on00:58:10
trampolines and all the rest of it I00:58:12
would have white mice riding on white00:58:13
rats and the Rats would get up furiously00:58:16
round and round the stage I was00:58:17
beginning to picture myself traveling00:58:19
first class all over the globe with my00:58:21
famous white mouse circus and Performing00:58:23
before all the crowned heads of Europe00:58:26
I was about halfway through Mary's00:58:28
training when suddenly I heard voices00:58:30
outside the ballroom door the sound grew00:58:33
louder it swelled into a great Babble00:58:36
speech from many fruits I recognized the00:58:38
voice of the awful Hotel manager Mr00:58:40
Stringer00:58:41
help I thought but thank heavens for the00:58:44
huge screen00:58:46
I crouched behind it and peered through00:58:48
the crack between two of the folding00:58:50
sections I could see the entire length00:58:53
and width of the ballroom without anyone00:58:55
seeing me00:58:56
well ladies I'm sure you'll be quite00:58:58
comfortable in here is to finish the00:59:00
same00:59:01
in through the00:59:05
through the dining his arms wide as he00:59:07
says00:59:08
a rock of ladies if there's anything we00:59:10
can do for you do not hesitate to let me00:59:12
know he went on T will be served for all00:59:15
of you on the sunshine Terrace after you00:59:17
have concluded your meeting00:59:19
with that he bowed and scraped himself00:59:21
out of the room as a vast herd of ladies00:59:24
from the Royal Society for the00:59:26
Prevention of Cruelty to Children came00:59:27
streaming in00:59:29
they wore pretty close and all of them00:59:31
had hats on their heads00:59:33
the meeting00:59:36
now that the manager had gone I was not00:59:38
particularly alarmed what better than to00:59:41
be imprisoned in a room full of these00:59:43
Splendid Ladies If Ever I got talking to00:59:46
them I might even suggest that they come00:59:47
and do a bit of Cruelty to Children00:59:49
preventing at my school we could00:59:51
certainly use them there00:59:52
in they came talking their heads off00:59:55
they began Milling around and choosing00:59:57
their seats and there was a whole lot of00:59:59
stuff like come and sit next to me01:00:01
milindia and oh hello Beatrice I hadn't01:00:05
seen you since the last meeting what an01:00:07
adorable dress you have on01:00:10
I decided to stay where I was and let01:00:12
them get on with their meeting while I01:00:14
got on with my mouse training but I01:00:16
watched them for a while longer through01:00:17
the crack in the screen waiting for them01:00:19
to settle down01:00:20
how many were there I guessed about 20001:00:23
the back rows filled up first they all01:00:26
seem to want to sit as far back from the01:00:28
platform as possible01:00:30
but there was a lady wearing a tiny01:00:32
green hat in the middle of the back row01:00:34
who kept scratching the nape of her neck01:00:37
she couldn't leave it alone it01:00:39
fascinated me the way her fingers kept01:00:41
scratching away at the hair on the back01:00:43
of her neck had she known somebody was01:00:45
watching her from behind I'm sure she01:00:47
would have been embarrassed I wondered01:00:49
if she had dandruff01:00:51
all of a sudden I noticed the lady next01:00:53
to her was doing the same thing01:00:55
and the next one01:00:56
and the next01:00:58
the whole rather than were doing it they01:01:00
were all scratching away like mad at the01:01:02
hair on the back of their necks01:01:04
do they have fleas in their hair more01:01:07
likely it was nits01:01:09
a boy at school called Ashton had had01:01:11
nits in his hair last term and the01:01:13
matron had made him dip his whole head01:01:15
in turpentine he killed and it's all01:01:17
right but it nearly killed Ashton as01:01:19
well half the skin came away from his01:01:21
scalp01:01:22
I began to be fascinated by these hair01:01:25
scratching ladies it's always funny when01:01:27
you catch someone doing something coarse01:01:29
and she thinks no one is looking no01:01:31
thinking for example or scratching her01:01:33
bottom hair scratching is very nearly as01:01:36
unattractive especially if it goes on01:01:37
and on I decided it had to be Knits01:01:41
then the most astonishing thing happened01:01:44
I saw one lady pushing her fingers up01:01:47
underneath the hair on her head and the01:01:50
hair the entire head of hair lifted01:01:53
upwards all in one piece and the Hand01:01:56
slid underneath the hair and went on01:01:59
scratching01:02:01
she was wearing a wig01:02:02
she was also wearing gloves I glanced01:02:06
swiftly around at the rest of the now01:02:07
seated audience every one of them was01:02:10
wearing gloves my blood turned to ice I01:02:14
began to shake all over I glanced plenty01:02:16
behind me for a back door to escape01:02:17
through there wasn't one01:02:20
should I leap out from behind the screen01:02:21
and make a dash with a double doors01:02:23
those double doors were already closed01:02:25
and I could see a woman standing in01:02:26
front of them she was bending forward01:02:28
and fixing some sort of a metal chain01:02:30
around the two door handles01:02:33
know what is01:02:35
there's no reason in the world why they01:02:36
should come and look behind the street01:02:38
but one false move one cough one sneeze01:02:41
one nose blow one little sound of any01:02:44
thought and it won't be just one witch01:02:45
that gets you01:02:47
200.01:02:49
at that point I think I fainted the01:02:51
whole thing was all together too much01:02:53
for a small boy to cope with but I don't01:02:55
believe I was out for more than a few01:02:56
seconds and when I came to I was lying01:02:59
on the carpet and I would still thank01:03:01
heavens but find the screen01:03:03
there was absolute science all around me01:03:07
I got to my knees and peered once again01:03:11
through the crack in the screen01:03:18
frizzled like a fritter01:03:21
all the women or rather the witches were01:03:24
now sitting Motionless in their chairs01:03:26
and staring as though hypnotized as01:03:29
somebody who has suddenly appeared on01:03:31
the platform01:03:32
that somebody was another woman01:03:36
thing I noticed about this woman was her01:03:38
size01:03:39
she was Tiny probably no more than four01:03:42
and a half feet tall01:03:44
you're quite young I guessed about 25 or01:03:47
six and she was very pretty01:03:50
she had on a rather stylish long black01:03:52
dress that reached right to the ground01:03:54
and she wore black gloves that came up01:03:57
to her elbows unlike the others she01:04:00
wasn't wearing a hat01:04:02
she didn't look to me like a witch at01:04:03
all but she couldn't possibly not the01:04:05
one otherwise what on Earth was she01:04:07
doing up there on the platform and why01:04:09
For Heaven's Sake were all the other01:04:11
witches gazing at her with such a01:04:12
mixture of adoration ore and fear very01:04:16
slowly the young lady on the platform01:04:18
raised her hands to her face01:04:21
I saw her gloved fingers unhooking01:04:24
something behind her ears and then then01:04:27
she caught hold of her cheeks and lifted01:04:30
her face clean away the whole of that01:04:33
pretty face came away in her hands it01:04:36
was a mask01:04:37
as she took off the mask she turned01:04:40
sideways and placed it carefully upon a01:04:43
small table nearby and when she turned01:04:45
round again and faced us I very nearly01:04:48
screamed out loud01:04:52
was the most frightful and frightening01:04:54
thing I have ever seen01:04:56
just looking at it gave me the shakes01:04:59
all over01:05:00
it was so crumpled and whizened so01:05:03
shrunken and shriveled it looked as01:05:05
though it had been pickled in vinegar it01:05:07
was a fearsome and Gastly sight there01:05:10
was something terribly wrong with it01:05:12
something foul and putrid and decayed01:05:15
it seemed quite literally to be rotting01:05:17
away at the edges and in the middle of01:05:20
the face around the mouth and cheeks I01:05:22
could see the skin all cankered and worm01:05:25
eaten as though maggots were working01:05:27
away in there01:05:29
there are times when something is so01:05:32
frightful you become mesmerized by it01:05:34
and can't look away01:05:36
now I was fixed I was numbed I was01:05:40
magnetized by the sheer horror of This01:05:42
Woman's speeches01:05:44
there's more to it than that there was a01:05:46
look of01:05:47
Sun eyes of hers as they flashed around01:05:49
the audience I knew immediately of01:05:52
course that this was none other than the01:05:54
grand High which herself I knew also why01:05:58
she had worn a mask she could never have01:06:00
moved around in public let alone booking01:06:03
at an hotel with her real face everyone01:06:06
who saw her would have run away01:06:07
screaming01:06:09
the doors how did the Grand High witch01:06:13
in a voice that filled the room and01:06:14
bounced around the walls as they trained01:06:17
and belted01:06:19
the doors are chained and builted your01:06:22
grandness answer the voice in the01:06:24
audience the brilliant snake's eyes that01:06:27
were set so deep in that Dreadful01:06:28
rotting worm eaten face glared01:06:31
unblinkingly at the witches who sat01:06:33
facing her01:06:34
foreign01:06:56
[Music]01:06:59
was peeling off her gloves01:07:02
I was watching the hands of those in the01:07:04
back row I wanted very much to see what01:07:06
their fingers look like and whether my01:07:08
grandmother had been right ah yes I01:07:12
could see several of them now01:07:14
see the brown claws curving over the01:07:17
tips of the fingers they were about two01:07:19
inches long those Claws and sharp at the01:07:21
ends01:07:22
which01:07:29
I heard a sign01:07:31
of scientist in the room01:07:34
shoes and then I got a glimpse under the01:07:37
chairs of several pairs of stuffing feet01:07:39
square and completely told us01:07:43
revolting they were the verbatoes had01:07:46
been sliced away from the feet with a01:07:48
carving knife01:07:50
[Music]01:07:53
snow the grand High witch she had a01:07:56
peculiar way of speaking for some sort01:07:58
of a foreign accent there there01:08:00
something harsh and guttural and she01:08:02
seemed to have trouble pronouncing the01:08:04
letter W as well as that she did01:08:07
something funny with the letter R she01:08:09
would roll it round and round her mouth01:08:11
like a piece of hot pork crackling01:08:13
before spitting it out okay move your01:08:17
fix and get some fresh air into your01:08:19
spotty scalps01:08:21
started and another Savory for Rose from01:08:24
the audience because all the hangs went01:08:26
up to the heads and all the wigs with01:08:28
the hat still on them were lifted away01:08:32
they are now appeared in front of me row01:08:34
upon row of bald female heads a sea of01:08:37
naked's Cups every one of them red and01:08:40
itchy looking from being rubbed by the01:08:42
Linings of the wigs01:08:43
I simply can't tell you how awful they01:08:46
were and somehow the whole site was made01:08:48
more grotesque because underneath those01:08:50
fractal scabby bald heads the bodies01:08:53
were dressed in fashionable and rather01:08:54
pretty clothes it was monstrous you is01:08:57
unnatural oh heavens I thought oh help01:09:01
oh Lord have mercy on me these foul01:09:04
bald-headed females are child Killers01:09:06
every one of them and here I am01:09:08
imprisoned in the same room when I can't01:09:10
escape01:09:12
at that point a new and doubly01:09:14
horrifying thought struck me my01:09:16
grandmother had said that with their01:09:18
special nose holes they could smell out01:09:20
a child on a pitch black knight from01:09:21
right across the other side of the road01:09:23
up to now my grandmother had been right01:09:25
every time it seemed uncertainty01:09:27
therefore that one of the witches in the01:09:29
back row was going to sniff me out at01:09:31
any moment and then the yell of dogs01:09:33
droppings would go up all over the room01:09:34
and I would be cornered like a rat I01:09:37
knelt on the carpet behind the screen01:09:39
hardly daring to breathe01:09:41
then suddenly I remember another very01:09:44
important thing my grandmother had told01:09:45
me the dirtier you are01:09:48
harder it is for a witch to smell you01:09:51
out how long since I had last had a bath01:09:54
for ages I had my own room in the hotel01:09:57
and my grandmother never bothered with01:09:59
the city things like that come to think01:10:01
of it I don't believe I'd had a bath01:10:03
since we arrived when had I last washed01:10:06
my hands or face01:10:07
certainly not this morning not yesterday01:10:09
either I glass found in my hands they01:10:12
were covered with smudge and mud and01:10:14
goodness what else besides so perhaps I01:10:17
had a chance after all the stick waves01:10:19
couldn't possibly get through all that01:10:20
dirt01:10:21
The Riches of inkland01:10:32
shut the creatures of England field01:10:36
the audience stirred uneasily01:10:39
Twitter in their chairs01:10:44
field yes01:10:47
lazy01:10:49
[Music]01:10:55
good for nothing valves01:10:58
shadow went through the audience the01:11:00
grand High which was clearly in an ugly01:11:02
mood and they knew it I had a feeling01:11:05
that something awful was going to happen01:11:07
soon01:11:10
[Music]01:11:12
cry the grand High witch and I am01:11:16
looking out of the vendor at the beach01:11:19
and but am I seeing01:11:22
I am asking you01:11:24
sit and they see01:11:26
and seeing our voting sight say anything01:11:32
hundreds fancy thousands of hotness01:11:36
little children playing on the sand01:11:42
it is put in the heart of my food01:11:46
Fair have you not got created they are01:11:49
not she screamed they let me not rub01:11:53
them out this fisted01:11:56
many children01:11:58
with each word she spoke Flex a pale01:12:01
blue phlegm shot from her mouth like01:12:03
little bullets I am asking you no she01:12:08
screamed nobody answered her question01:12:11
children smell she's very sweet this01:12:15
didn't get the best01:12:17
physical advantages and around here01:12:21
he's in the audience all nodded vigorous01:12:23
then say to me he's no good to me the01:12:27
grand High which cry out is that the01:12:29
best you can do01:12:30
we will do better remember the office we01:12:33
will do much better better is no good01:12:37
either sweet the Grand highway01:12:40
[Music]01:12:42
so yeah I'm my others my orders are that01:12:48
every single child in this country shall01:12:50
be hard01:12:53
converted excavated and fight it before01:12:57
I come here again in one year's time01:12:59
you will make myself clear01:13:04
a great gasp went up from New York01:13:06
from your sword which is all looking at01:13:08
one another01:13:11
one which at the end of the front Rose01:13:13
saying aloud all of them we can't01:13:16
possibly wipe out all of them01:13:19
the grand High which whipped round as01:13:22
though someone had stuck a skewer into01:13:23
her bottom who said that01:13:26
if you're dare to argue with me it was01:13:29
you that is not she pointed a gloved01:13:31
finger as sharp as a needle at the witch01:13:33
who had spoken I didn't mean it your01:13:36
grandness the witch cried out I didn't01:13:38
mean to argue I I was just talking to01:13:42
myself you're dead01:13:46
cleaned the grand High witch I was just01:13:49
talking to myself I cried The Wretched01:13:51
witch I switched your brand this she01:13:54
began to shake with fear the grand High01:13:56
which took a quick step forward and when01:13:58
she spoke again it was in a voice that01:14:00
made my blood run cold01:14:03
hey you could Mitch who answered back01:14:08
must burn until her bones01:14:12
she's green no no beg the witch in the01:14:15
front rope01:14:16
the gray which went on foreign01:14:23
[Music]01:14:31
spoke again an idiotic like you Mr01:14:37
oust upon the barbecue forgive me all01:14:41
your grandness cry the cry the little01:14:43
cupboard I do mean it but the grand High01:14:47
which continued with her terrible01:14:49
recycle01:14:50
and Richard dares to say I'm Moana the01:14:58
very long01:15:01
a moment later a stream of Sparks that01:15:03
looked like tiny white hot and little01:15:05
filings came shooting out of the brand I01:15:07
wish his eyes and flew straight towards01:15:09
the one who would dare to speak01:15:11
I saw the Sparks striking against her01:15:13
and burrowing into her and she screamed01:15:15
the horrible howling scream and a pub of01:15:17
smoke rose up around her a smell of01:15:20
burning meat fill the room01:15:23
nobody moved01:15:25
like me they were all watching the smoke01:15:29
and when it had cleared away the chair01:15:31
was empty I caught a glimpse of01:15:34
something wispy white like a little01:15:36
Cloud flattened upwards and disappearing01:15:38
out of the window01:15:40
a great sigh rose up from the audience01:15:44
the grand High which glared around the01:15:46
room01:15:47
I hope nobody else is going to make me01:15:52
cross today here marked there was a01:15:57
deathly silence01:16:01
said the grand High witch01:16:05
even never see her again now we can get01:16:10
down to business01:16:13
[Music]01:16:19
Formula 86 Delayed Action mask maker01:16:25
children are revolting screamed the01:16:30
grand High witch we didn't like the01:16:33
holidays we described them off the face01:16:36
of the Earth we just flush them down the01:16:39
drain yes yes chant of the audience wipe01:16:43
them away spread them off the Earth01:16:45
flash them down the drain children are01:16:48
far and filthy under the grand High01:16:51
witch they are they are chorus English01:16:54
witches they are foul and filthy01:16:56
children are daddy and stinky Scream the01:17:01
ground High witch dirty and stinky cry01:17:04
the audience getting more and more01:17:05
worked up children are smelling of dogs01:17:09
falafels Scream the ground High witch01:17:12
Pooh cry the audience01:17:18
they are this the dark stuffings01:17:22
screeched the grand High witch dog01:17:24
stopping01:17:28
[Music]01:17:33
they were clapping and cheering almost01:17:35
every word spoken from the platform the01:17:37
speakers seem to have them completely01:17:39
under her spell to talk about children01:17:43
is making me sick screamed the grand01:17:47
High witch and feeling sick even01:17:49
thinking about it and fetch me abandoned01:17:53
the ground01:17:54
the grapples and01:17:59
Bliss oh no but the Grand High witch so01:18:04
no I am having a plan I am having a01:18:09
giganticous plan for getting rid of01:18:13
everything a child in the whole of01:18:17
England The Witch's Ghost01:18:23
yes01:18:26
yes just Christian and squatting and we01:18:30
shall make to disappear every single01:18:32
smell is about in England in one stroke01:18:36
Whoopi cried which is clapping their01:18:39
hands you agree until your grand is you01:18:41
are fantabulous shut up and listen01:18:43
snapped the grand High witch listen very01:18:46
carefully and let us not be having any01:18:50
Maps01:18:51
the audience Lean Forward eager to learn01:18:54
how this magic was going to be performed01:18:56
each and every one of you stand at the01:19:00
ground High which is to go back to your01:19:02
hometowns immediately and resign from01:19:05
your jobs resign give notice all right01:19:10
we will they cried we will resign from01:19:13
our jobs and after you have high sign01:19:16
from your jobs the grand High which went01:19:18
on each and every one of you will be01:19:22
going out and you will be buying she01:19:27
paused01:19:28
what will we be buying if they cried01:19:30
tell us oh brilliant one what is it we01:19:33
should be buying sweet shops shouted the01:19:37
grand I wish sweet shops they cried we01:19:40
are going to buy sweet shops for a01:19:42
French's wheeze eat some of you will be01:19:45
buying for herself is switched up he01:19:48
will repine the very best and most01:19:50
respectable speech shops in ancient we01:19:54
will we will they answered their01:19:57
Dreadful voices were like a cause of01:19:58
dentist drills all grinding away01:20:00
together I am wanting more Japanese01:20:05
people three chaps shouted the grand01:20:08
High witch I am forcing you to get only01:20:11
the very best shops filled up high with01:20:14
files and piles of such splits and tasty01:20:17
Chucks the best they cried we shall buy01:20:20
the best sweet shops in town you're01:20:23
really having no trouble and getting01:20:25
what you want shouted the grand High01:20:27
witch because you will be offering four01:20:30
times as much as a shop is worth and01:20:32
nobody is refusing an awful except money01:20:36
is no problem to us which is as you know01:20:39
Valley right I have brought with me01:20:45
stopped full of English back notes or01:20:48
new and crisp and all of them she added01:20:53
with a Finnish layer01:20:55
all of them01:20:58
homemade the witches in the audience01:21:02
grinned appreciating this joke01:21:05
at that point one foolish witch got so01:21:08
excited at the possibilities presented01:21:09
by owning a sweet shop that she left to01:21:12
her feet and shouted but children will01:21:14
come knocking to my shop and I will feed01:21:17
them poisonous sweets and poison jugs01:21:19
and work them all out like weasels01:21:22
the room became suddenly silent01:21:25
I saw the tiny body of the grand High01:21:28
witch stiffen and then go rigid with01:21:31
rage01:21:32
foreign01:21:41
Lord hands yell beard I'm bunking01:21:46
your brains us01:21:50
realizing that if you are going on01:21:52
poisoning Little Children You will be01:21:54
caught in five minutes yep01:21:57
living my life am I hearing such a boss01:22:00
following suggestion coming from a01:22:03
entire audience card and shock01:22:08
able white hot Sparks were about to01:22:10
start flying again curiously enough they01:22:13
didn't01:22:14
it's such a tongue fiddling idea is all01:22:17
you can be coming after the grand height01:22:20
which this is no van that England is01:22:23
still spawning with her little children01:22:26
there was another silence01:22:30
the audience01:22:32
[Music]01:22:34
that these are freaking only01:22:38
this magic01:22:40
we know your grandness they all answered01:22:43
of course we know01:22:45
Grand High which grated her bony glout01:22:48
hands against each other and cried out01:22:50
sir each of you is earning a magnificent01:22:53
switch up the next01:22:57
me announcing in the window of your shop01:23:00
that on a certain day you'd be having a01:23:05
great garter opening with three sweets01:23:08
and trucks to every child that will01:23:10
bring them in the greedy Little Boots01:23:12
try the audience they've been fighting01:23:14
to get through the doors next continue01:23:16
the grand High which you will prepare01:23:19
yourselves for this great Gala opening01:23:22
by filling every shock and every sweet01:23:25
in your shop with my very latest and01:23:29
girl artist magic formula this is known01:23:33
as Formula 8601:23:36
Delayed Action01:23:40
Delayed Action Mouse maker they charted01:23:42
she's done it again her grandness has01:23:45
concocted yet another of her wondrous01:23:47
magic tail Killers how old do we make it01:23:50
oh brilliant one exercise01:23:54
answer the groundhog which fast I am01:23:58
explaining to you how my formula 860801:24:01
action Mouse Mega is working01:24:04
listen carefully we are listening to cry01:24:08
the audience and we're now jumping up01:24:10
and down in their chairs we excited01:24:11
Delayed Action must Mika is a green01:24:15
liquid explained the grand High witch01:24:18
and runs are operating each Chuck or01:24:21
speed will be great enough so here is01:24:24
what happens01:24:28
Delayed Action must make a liquid child01:24:32
goes home feeling fine child goes to bed01:24:37
still feeling fine child picks up in the01:24:40
morning still okay01:24:43
child goes to school still feeling fine01:24:46
formula you understand is Delayed Action01:24:50
and is not working yet we understand01:24:53
already one credit audience but when01:24:56
does it start working it is starting to01:24:59
work in nine o'clock when the child is01:25:03
arriving at school shouted the grand01:25:06
High which triumphantly arrives at01:25:09
school delayed action must make her01:25:11
immediately starts to work child starts01:25:15
to shrink01:25:17
China is starting to grow Fair01:25:22
child is starting to grow there all is01:25:27
happening in precisely 26 seconds after01:25:31
26 seconds shy is not a child anywhere01:25:36
he is a01:25:41
Mouse cried the witches what a precious01:25:44
thought01:25:46
classrooms will all be spoiling with01:25:50
nice nice shouted the ground High which01:25:52
chaos and pandemonium will be raining in01:25:55
every school in England teachers will be01:25:58
hopping up and down women teachers will01:26:01
be standing on desks and holding up01:26:03
steps and yelling here the hell to help01:26:06
they will they will cry the audience and01:26:09
rock shouted the grand height which is01:26:11
happening next in every school tell us01:26:15
they cried tell us oh brainy one the01:26:18
grand High which switched her screen01:26:20
neck forward and grinned the audience01:26:22
showing two rows of pointed teeth01:26:24
slightly blue she raised her voice01:26:28
louder than ever and shouted01:26:30
my stops is coming out most traps quite01:26:36
the wishes and cheese shouted the ground01:26:39
High which still is01:26:52
no stops his gun off all our school01:26:56
nostrils is going never missed up and01:27:00
most hits before rolling across the01:27:02
flaws like marbles all over England in01:27:06
every school and it's like noise of01:27:08
snapping mustache will be heard01:27:11
at this point01:27:18
stabbing her feet and clapping her hands01:27:19
the entire audience joined in the01:27:21
clapping and the footstamping they were01:27:23
making such a tremendous racket that I01:27:25
thought surely Mr Stringer would hear it01:27:26
and come banging at the door but he01:27:28
didn't then above all the noise I heard01:27:32
the voice of the grand High witch01:27:33
screaming out some sort of an awful01:27:35
bloating song01:27:40
[Music]01:27:45
squish them01:27:51
[Music]01:28:00
and in the morning a little fools go01:28:04
marching up to separate schools a girl01:28:07
feels sick and goes all day she yells01:28:11
hey look I've gone a tail a boy who's01:28:14
standing next to her screams El pacing01:28:18
and crawling fur and that I shout we01:28:22
look like freaks this risk of growing01:28:25
are our kids a boy who was extremely01:28:28
tall cries out but run and cloudy smile01:28:32
for tiny01:28:34
begin to spawn01:28:36
s from everybody Hound about and or01:28:40
Advance all in our life there are no01:28:44
children only01:28:47
mice01:28:48
every school is nice color or running on01:28:53
the school home floor and all the poor01:28:55
demented teachers is hearing hey you are01:28:58
these great guys they stand upon the01:29:01
discs and Shout get out you feel the01:29:03
mouse get out will someone take some01:29:06
mouse traps please and don't forget to01:29:09
bring the cheese now my straps come and01:29:12
every trap goes snippy snip and snappy01:29:16
Snoop the mouse traps have a powerful01:29:19
spring the screams go crack and slip and01:29:22
ping is a lovely noise for us to hear01:29:25
his music to it which is here dead mices01:29:31
every place around piled two feet deep01:29:35
upon the crown the teachers searching01:29:38
last night but not a singer child inside01:29:42
the teacher's guide what's going on over01:29:45
about it she's been gone he's01:29:50
[Music]01:29:53
for the teachers don't know what to do01:29:56
some sit and greed and just a few amuse01:30:00
themselves throughout the day by01:30:03
sweeping all the vices01:30:08
and oh01:30:10
witches shout hooray01:30:14
[Music]01:30:19
the recipe01:30:22
I hope you haven't forgotten that while01:30:24
all this was going on I was still stuck01:30:26
behind the screen on my hands and knees01:30:28
with one eye glued to the crack I don't01:30:30
know how long I had been there but it01:30:32
seemed like forever the worst part of it01:30:34
was not being allowed to cough or make a01:30:36
sound I know even if I did I was as good01:30:39
as dead and all the way through I was01:30:41
living in constant Terror that one of01:30:43
the witches in the back row was going to01:30:44
get a whip of my presence through those01:30:46
special nose holes of hers my only hope01:30:49
as I saw it was the fact that I hadn't01:30:51
washed for days that and the01:30:52
never-ending excitement and clapping and01:30:54
shouting that was going on in the room01:30:56
the witches were thinking of nothing01:30:57
except the grand High witch up there on01:31:00
the platform and her great plan for01:31:01
wiping out all the children of England01:31:03
they certainly went snipping around for01:31:06
a child in the room in their wildest01:31:07
dreams if witches have dreams that would01:31:10
never have occurred to any of them I01:31:12
kept still and prayed01:31:14
the grand High which is Dreadful01:31:16
gloating song was over now and the01:31:18
audience was clapping madly and shouting01:31:20
brilliant Sensational marvelous you were01:31:23
a genius oh Brady one it is a thrilling01:31:25
invention this Delayed Action Mouse01:31:27
maker it is a winner and the beauty of01:31:30
it is that the teachers will be the ones01:31:32
who bump out the stinking little01:31:33
children it won't be us doing it we01:31:36
shall never be caught which is another01:31:38
cot snap the grand High witch attention01:31:41
now I found everybody's attention for I01:31:44
am about to be telling you what you must01:31:47
do to prepare Formula 86 Delayed Action01:31:51
mask Mega01:31:53
Sunday they came a great gasp from the01:31:55
audience this was followed by a hubbub01:31:58
of shrieking and yelling and I saw many01:32:00
of the witches leaping to their feet and01:32:01
pointing at the platform and crying out01:32:03
most most she's done it to show us but01:32:07
really want to turn two children into01:32:09
mice and there they are I look toward01:32:12
the platform the mice were there all01:32:14
right two of them running around near01:32:16
the grand High witchy skirts but these01:32:18
were not few my whole house mice all01:32:20
wood mice or harvest mice they were01:32:22
white mice I recognize them immediately01:32:25
as being my own little Weaver Mary mice01:32:28
shouted the audience our leader has made01:32:31
mice to appear out of nowhere get the01:32:33
mouse traps fetch the cheese I saw the01:32:36
grand High witch peering down the floor01:32:38
and staring with obvious puzzlement at01:32:41
William and Mary she'd bent lower to get01:32:43
a closer look then she's straightened up01:32:46
and shouted quiet01:32:49
the audience became silent and sat down01:32:51
this nice had nothing to do with me she01:32:56
shouted this nice are pet mice the is01:33:00
nice are quite obviously belonging to01:33:02
some apparently the child you never tell01:33:04
you a boy it could be for 70 because01:33:07
girls are not keeping that nice a boy01:33:11
cried the witches a filthy smelly little01:33:14
boy will swiping will Swizzle him we'll01:33:16
have his stripes for breakfast silence01:33:19
shouted the grand High witch raising her01:33:21
hands you're not perfectly there you01:33:24
must do nothing to draw attention to01:33:25
yourselves while you are hitting in the01:33:27
hotel let us by all means get rid of01:33:30
this evil smelly little squat but we01:33:34
must do it as quietly as possible for01:33:37
our we not all of us they must have01:33:39
practical images of the whole society01:33:42
for responsible01:33:46
what do you suggest then over anyone01:33:49
they cried out how should we dispose of01:33:51
a small pile of Filth01:33:54
talking about me I thought these females01:33:57
are actually talking about how to kill01:33:59
me have it going to sweat however he is01:34:02
she is not important announce the ground01:34:05
High which leave him to me I shall smell01:34:08
him out and turn him into a mackerel and01:34:11
having this stuff01:34:13
Cry The Witches cut off his head and01:34:16
chop up his tail and Fry him in hot01:34:18
butter01:34:19
you can imagine that this was making me01:34:21
feel very comfortable William and Mary01:34:24
was still running around on the platform01:34:25
and I saw the grand height which Amos01:34:27
Swift running ticket William she caught01:34:29
him right on the point of her toe and01:34:31
sent him flying she did the same to Mary01:34:33
her aim was extraordinary she would have01:34:35
made a great football player both mice01:34:37
crashed against the wall and for a few01:34:39
moments they lay stunned then they got01:34:41
to their feet and scampered Away01:34:43
attention again the grand01:34:46
I will now give to you their recipe for01:34:49
concocting Formula 86 Delayed Action01:34:52
Mass maker get out pencils and pepper01:34:56
handbags were opened all over the room01:34:58
and notebooks were fished out give us01:35:00
the recipe over anyone cry the audience01:35:03
impatiently tell us the secret first01:35:06
said the grand High witch I had to find01:35:09
something that would cause the children01:35:11
to become very small very quickly and01:35:14
what was that cry the audience that part01:35:17
was simple said the grand High witch all01:35:21
you have to do if you're envisioned to01:35:23
make a child very small is to look at01:35:26
him through the wrong end of a telescope01:35:30
she's a Wonder cardio is who else would01:35:33
have thought of a thing like that so you01:35:36
take the wrong end of a telescope01:35:38
continue with the Grant High which and01:35:40
you boil it and think01:35:41
soft01:35:43
how long does that take day after 2101:35:46
hours01:35:47
answer the Grand highway and fire this01:35:50
is going on you take exactly 45 Brown01:35:54
mice and you chop off the taste with the01:35:57
carving knife and you fry the tails in01:36:01
hair oil until they are nice and crisp01:36:04
what do we do with all those mice who01:36:06
have had their tails chopped off after01:36:09
can01:36:13
listen to me01:36:15
so far I have only given you the easy01:36:17
part of our pain01:36:19
it's a really difficult problem is to01:36:22
put in something that we have a genuine01:36:24
Delayed Action for his heart something01:36:27
that can be eaten by children on a01:36:29
Saturday but which will not start01:36:32
freaking on them until nine o'clock the01:36:34
next morning they arrive at school01:36:39
what did you come up with though Brady01:36:41
ones they called out tell us the great01:36:43
secret their secret announced the grand01:36:47
eye which triumphantly is an alarm clock01:36:52
an alarm clock they cried it's a stroke01:36:55
of Genius of course it is said the grand01:36:58
High witch you can set a 24-hour alarm01:37:01
clock today and at exactly nine o'clock01:37:04
tomorrow it will go up01:37:07
but we will need 5 million alarm clocks01:37:10
try the audience we will need one for01:37:12
each child idiots shouted the grand High01:37:15
which if you are bouncing at stake you01:37:18
do not cook the whole cow it didn't say01:37:21
this alarm clocks one clock will make01:37:24
enough for a thousand children here is01:37:27
what you do you set your alarm clock to01:37:30
go off at nine o'clock tomorrow morning01:37:33
your hosted in the oven until it is01:37:36
crisp and tender all your writing is01:37:39
done we are your grannies we are they01:37:42
cried next said the Grant height which01:37:44
you take your boy until this goban your01:37:46
fried mouse tails and you cook knife and01:37:49
your restive alarm clock and all01:37:51
together you put them into the mixer01:37:53
then you mix them at full speed this01:37:56
will give you a nice thick paste while01:37:59
the mixture is still mixed in you must01:38:02
add to it the yolk of van rentals Egg a01:38:06
gruntles egg crab yogis we shall do that01:38:09
underneath all the clamor that was going01:38:11
on I heard one witch in the back row01:38:13
saying to her neighbor I'm getting a bit01:38:15
old to go Bird's nesting those ready01:38:18
rentals always Nest very high up sir you01:38:22
mix in the egg the grand High which went01:38:24
on and then after the other you also mix01:38:27
in the following items the claw of a01:38:31
crab concert the Beast the beak of a01:38:34
blabber snitch the snout of a gravel01:38:37
skirt in the tongue01:38:41
I trust you're not having any trouble01:38:44
finding these not at all they cried out01:38:48
we will spear the blabber snitch and01:38:50
trap the crab country and shoot the01:38:52
global squirt and catch the cat Springer01:38:54
in his burrow excellent said the grand01:38:57
High witch then you have mixed01:38:59
everything together in a mixer you will01:39:02
have a most marvelous looking green01:39:05
liquid put one drop just one teachy01:39:09
droplet of this liquid into a chocolate01:39:12
or a sweet and at nine o'clock the next01:39:15
morning the child who ate it will turn01:39:18
into a mouse in01:39:20
26 seconds01:39:22
but one word of warning never increase01:39:25
the dose never put more than one hop01:39:29
into each little chocolate and never01:39:31
give more than one sweet or chocolate to01:39:33
each child and overdose of the lead01:39:36
action must make a bill mess up the01:39:38
timing of the alarm clock and cause the01:39:40
child to turn into a mouse too early a01:39:44
large overdose might even have an01:39:46
instant effect and you wouldn't want01:39:48
that towards you you wouldn't want the01:39:50
children turning into mice right there01:39:52
in your sweet shops that put you the01:39:56
dream away so be very carefully01:40:00
do not overdose01:40:02
[Music]01:40:06
Bruno Jenkins disappears01:40:09
the grand High which was starting to01:40:12
talk again I am not going to prove to01:40:15
you she said she said that this recipe01:40:18
is working to Perfection you understand01:40:21
of course that you can set the alarm01:40:23
clock to go off at any time you like it01:40:26
does not have to be nine o'clock so01:40:28
yesterday I am personally preparing a01:40:32
smoke fantasy of the magic formula in01:40:35
order to give to your public01:40:36
demonstration but I am making one small01:40:40
change in the recipe01:40:42
before I am asking me alarm clock I am01:40:46
setting it to go off not at nine o'clock01:40:48
the next morning but at half past three01:40:51
the next afternoon which means half past01:40:55
three this afternoon01:40:58
and that she said glossing at her01:41:01
wristwatch is01:41:03
incredibly seven minutes time01:41:07
the audience of witches was listening01:41:09
intently sensing that something dramatic01:41:11
was about to happen so what am I doing01:41:14
yesterday with this magic liquid asked01:41:18
the grand High witch I will tell you01:41:20
what I am doing I am putting one droplet01:41:23
of it into a very skewishy chocolate bar01:41:26
and I'm giving this bar to AI passing01:41:31
smelly little boy who is hanging around01:41:34
the lobby of a hurricane01:41:43
but01:41:45
what's the gobbling up this Kitty bar of01:41:47
chocolate and then he had finished I01:41:49
said to him was that good she said it01:41:53
was great somebody said to him would you01:41:56
like some more and he said yes so I said01:42:00
I will give you six more chocolate bars01:42:03
like that if you will meet me in the01:42:05
ballroom a big hotel at 25 past three01:42:08
tomorrow afternoon01:42:10
six bars cried a great little fine I'll01:42:13
be there you bet I'll be there so the01:42:17
stage is set shout to the ground I wish01:42:20
they probably Putin is about to begin do01:42:24
not forget that before I ever hosting01:42:26
the alarm clock yesterday I am sitting01:42:28
for half past three today it is now if01:42:31
it launched again at her watch it is now01:42:33
expected 25 minutes past three and the01:42:36
nasty little stinker will be turning01:42:38
into a mouse in five minutes time so01:42:41
that this very moment be standing01:42:42
outside the doors01:42:47
and by gum he was absolutely right the01:42:51
boy whoever he might be was already01:42:53
rattling the door handle and banging on01:42:55
the doors with his fist01:42:56
Nick treat the groundhog which puts on01:42:58
your beaks put in your lamps put on your01:43:01
service there was a great Russell and bustle of01:43:03
putting on wigs and gloves and shoes and01:43:05
I saw the grand High witch herself reach01:43:07
for her face mask and put it on over01:43:09
that revoking face of hers it was01:43:11
astonishing how that mask transformed01:43:13
her all of a sudden she became once more01:43:16
a rather pretty young lady let me in01:43:19
came the boy's voice from behind the01:43:20
doors where are those chocolate bars you01:43:22
promised me I'm here to collect dish01:43:24
them out01:43:25
he's not only smelly he's also Curry the01:43:29
said the grand High which I moved the01:43:32
Chase from the doors and let him come in01:43:34
the extraordinary thing about the mask01:43:37
was that its lips moved quite naturally01:43:39
when she spoke you really couldn't see01:43:41
it was a mask at all one of the witches01:43:44
left to her feet and unfastened the01:43:46
chains she opened the two huge doors01:43:48
then I heard her saying well hello01:43:51
little man I would love to see you01:43:53
you've come to your chocolate bars have01:43:55
you noticed they're all ready for you do01:43:57
come in01:43:58
a small boy wearing a white T-shirt and01:44:01
gray shorts and gym shoes into the room01:44:03
I recognized him at once he was called01:44:06
Bruno Jenkins and he was staying in the01:44:08
hotel with his parents I didn't care for01:44:10
him she was one of those boys who was01:44:12
always eating something whenever you01:44:14
meet him meet him in the hotel lobby and01:44:16
he is stuffing sponge cake into his01:44:18
mouth passing in the corridor and he's01:44:20
fishing potato crisps out of a bag by01:44:22
the fistful cat sighted him in the hotel01:44:24
garden and he is wolfing a Dairy Milk01:44:26
Bar and has two more sticking out of his01:44:28
trouser pocket watch more Bruno never01:44:31
stopped boasting about how his father01:44:32
made more money than my father and that01:44:35
they owned three cars but worse than01:44:37
that yesterday morning I had found him01:44:39
kneeling on the flagstones of the Hotel01:44:41
Terrace with a magnifying glass in his01:44:43
hand there was a column of ants Marty01:44:45
across one of the flagstones and Bruno01:44:47
Jenkins was focusing the sun through his01:44:50
magnifying glass and roasting the ants01:44:52
one by one01:44:53
I like watching them burn he said01:44:56
horrible I cried stop doing it let's see01:44:59
you stop me he said at point I pushed01:45:02
him with all my might and he crashed01:45:04
sideways onto the flagstones his01:45:06
magnifying glass has splintered into01:45:08
many pieces and he had left up shrinking01:45:10
my father's gonna get you but this then01:45:13
he had run off presumably to find his01:45:15
wealthy dad that was the last time I had01:45:17
seen Burrell Jenkins until now I doubted01:45:19
very much that he was about to be turned01:45:21
into a mouse although I must confess01:45:23
that I was secretly hoping it might01:45:25
happen either way I didn't envy him01:45:27
being up there in front of all those01:45:28
witches01:45:30
darling boy called the Grand High witch01:45:34
from up on the platform I have your01:45:37
chocolate sauce right here for you do01:45:40
come up here first and say hello to all01:45:43
these lovely ladies her voice was quite01:45:45
different now it was soft and gentle and01:45:48
absolutely dripping with syrup Bruno was01:45:52
looking a bit bewildered but he allowed01:45:53
himself to be led up onto the platform01:45:55
where he Stood Beside the grand High01:45:57
witch and said okay where am I six bars01:45:59
of chocolate01:46:01
saw the witch who had lit him in quietly01:46:03
putting the chain back on the door01:46:05
handles Bruno didn't notice this he was01:46:08
too busy asking for his chocolate01:46:10
this time is now one minute before half01:46:14
past three announced the grand High01:46:16
witch what the heck's going on Bruno01:46:19
Mars he wasn't frightened but he wasn't01:46:21
looking exactly comfortable either what01:46:23
is this he said give me my chocolate01:46:26
two seconds to go cried01:46:29
cried gripping Bruno the arm Bruno shook01:46:32
himself clear and stared at her she01:46:34
stared back at him smiling with the lips01:46:36
of her mask every witch in the audience01:46:39
was staring at Bruno01:46:41
20 seconds cried the grand High witch01:46:45
give me that chocolate chuffy Bruno01:46:47
becoming suddenly suspicious give me the01:46:49
chocolate and let me out of here flipped01:46:52
in Vegas cried the Grand highway one of01:46:55
you crazy punks kindly tell me what all01:46:57
this is about01:46:59
10 seconds cried the grand High witch01:47:03
nine eight seven six five four three two01:47:08
one zero we have ignition01:47:14
I could have sworn I heard an alarm01:47:15
clock ringing I saw Bruno jump he jumped01:47:18
as though someone had stuck a hat pin01:47:20
deep into his bottom and he yelled ow he01:47:23
jumped so high that he landed on a small01:47:25
table up there on the stage and he01:47:27
started hopping about on the top of his01:47:28
table waving his arms and yelling his01:47:30
head off then suddenly he became silent01:47:33
his whole body is stiffened01:47:35
the alarm has gone off01:47:38
Grand High witch the mouse maker is01:47:41
beginning to work she started hopping01:47:43
about on the platform and clapped her01:47:44
gloved hands together and then she01:47:46
shouted out this smelly breath this01:47:49
Spirit has come this holiday laughs will01:47:52
very very soon become a lovely little01:47:55
mouse01:47:57
Bruno is getting smaller about a second01:47:59
I could see him shrinking now his01:48:01
clothes seem to be disappearing and01:48:03
Brown's fur was growing all over his01:48:05
body suddenly he had a tail and then he01:48:08
had whiskers now he had four feet he was01:48:11
all happening so quickly it was a matter01:48:13
of seconds only and or at once he wasn't01:48:16
there anymore01:48:17
a small brown mouse was running around01:48:20
on the tabletop01:48:24
yelled the audience she's done it it01:48:27
worked it's fantastic it's colossal is01:48:29
the greatest yet you are a miracle of01:48:31
Brady one they were all standing up and01:48:33
clapping and cheering and the grand High01:48:35
which produced a mouse trap from the01:48:36
pose of her dress and started to01:48:39
oh no I could I don't want to see this01:48:42
Bruno Jenkins may have been a bit of a01:48:44
stinker but I'm dashed if I want to01:48:45
watch him having his head chopped off01:48:47
they're easy not the grand High witch01:48:49
searching the platform there has that01:48:51
Mouse carto she couldn't find him clever01:48:54
Bruno must have jumped down off the01:48:56
table and scampered up into some corner01:48:58
or even down a small hole01:49:00
for heaven for that it matters not01:49:03
shouted the grand High witch silence and01:49:07
sit down01:49:13
the ancient ones01:49:16
the grand High which stood on the very01:49:18
center of the platform and those01:49:20
dangerous eyes of hers travel slowly01:49:23
around the audience of witches who were01:49:24
sitting so meekly before her01:49:27
all those over 70 put up your hands free01:49:31
box suddenly01:49:33
seven or eight hands01:49:35
it comes to me said the grand High witch01:49:38
that's your ancient banners will not be01:49:41
able to climb high trees in search of01:49:44
Grandpa's eggs01:49:45
we won't your grandest we are afraid we01:49:49
won't chanted the ancient ones nor will01:49:52
you be able to catch the card concert01:49:54
who lives high up on the rocky kids the01:49:57
grand High which went on I can't exactly01:49:59
see you pointing after the Speedy cat01:50:02
spinner either or diving into deep01:50:05
Waters to fear the blather snitch or01:50:08
stride In The Bleak Moors with a gun on01:50:11
your arm to shoot the gravel scrub you01:50:14
were too old and feeble for those things01:50:17
we are chartered the ancient ones we are01:50:20
we are you ancient fans have served me01:50:24
well over many years said the grand High01:50:28
witch and I do not wish to deny you the01:50:31
pleasure of bumping off a few thousand01:50:33
children each just because you become01:50:35
old and evil I had therefore prepared01:50:39
personally with my own hands in limited01:50:42
quantity of the Elite action Mass maker01:50:45
he I will distribute to the ancient01:50:48
funds before you leave the hotel oh01:50:52
thank you thank you cry the old witches01:50:54
you are far too good towards your01:50:56
greatness he was a kind and thoughtful01:50:59
here is a sample of what I am giving you01:51:02
shall be the grand High witch she fished01:51:04
around in the pocket of her dress01:51:06
brought out a very small01:51:09
hold it up and shouted in his belly01:51:12
bottle is 500 doses of mass Mega01:51:15
is enough to turn 500 children into mice01:51:19
I could see that the bottle was made of01:51:21
dark blue01:51:23
was very small about the same size as01:51:25
the ones you can buy at the chemist with01:51:27
no crops in them each of your ancient01:51:30
Brands will get two of these bottles she01:51:32
shot it thank you thank you very much01:51:34
generous and thoughtful one chorused the01:51:37
ancient witches not one drop will be01:51:39
wasted each of us will promise to squish01:51:42
and Squall up and squiggle one thousand01:51:44
children I'm missing is over announce01:51:47
the grand High which here is the01:51:49
timetable for the remainder of your stay01:51:51
in this hotel right now we must all go01:51:55
out onto the sunshine Terrace and have01:51:57
tea with that private pictures manager01:52:00
next at six o'clock tonight those01:52:03
who are too old to climb trees01:52:05
after Grant or eggs will report to my01:52:08
room to receive two bottles each of01:52:10
nasmika my room number is four five four01:52:14
do not forget it01:52:16
then at eight o'clock all of you will01:52:19
assemble in the dining room for supper01:52:21
we are the lovely ladies of the rspcc01:52:25
and they are setting up two long tables01:52:28
specially for us but do not forget to01:52:30
put the cotton plugs up your noses that01:52:34
dining room will be full of 50 little01:52:36
children and without the nose plugs they01:52:39
stink will be a baby01:52:42
apart from that I remember to behave01:52:45
normally at all times is everything01:52:48
clear any questions01:52:50
I have one question your brand is said01:52:54
the voice in the audience what happens01:52:56
if one of the chocolates we are giving01:52:58
away in our shops gets eaten by a01:53:01
grown-up01:53:02
that's just too bad for the corner app01:53:06
said the Grand highway01:53:11
The Witches stood up and began01:53:13
to get things together I was watching01:53:15
them through the01:53:17
through the hurry up and leave so that I01:53:19
might be safe at last01:53:21
wait sweet one of the witches in the01:53:23
back row hold everything a squeaking01:53:27
voice echoed through the ballroom like a01:53:29
trumpet all the witches suddenly stopped01:53:31
and turned and looked towards the01:53:32
speaker01:53:33
he was one of the taller witches and I01:53:35
could see her standing there with her01:53:37
head tilted back and her nose in the air01:53:40
and she was sucking in great long01:53:42
breaths of air through those curvy pink01:53:44
seashelling nostrils of hers01:53:46
what she shouted again what is it the01:53:50
others cried out dog strappings she01:53:54
yelled just then I got a whiff of dogs01:53:57
droppings surely not the other shouted01:54:00
there couldn't be yes yes shouted the01:54:03
first witch there it is again it's not01:54:06
strong but it's there and he's here it's01:54:09
definitely somewhere not too far away01:54:17
mildreds just got a whiff of dogs01:54:20
droppings your grandness some call back01:54:22
to her that rubbish is this shouted the01:54:25
grand High witch she had dogs for01:54:27
hoppings on the plane there are no01:54:30
children in this home hang on cried the01:54:33
witch called Mildred hang on everybody01:54:35
it'll move I'm getting it again01:54:38
a huge curvy nose holes were waving in01:54:40
and out like a pair of fishtails it's01:54:42
getting stronger01:54:44
it's hitting me harder now because the01:54:48
rest of you smell it all the nurses of01:54:50
all the witches in that room went up in01:54:52
the air and all the nostrils began to01:54:54
suck and sniff01:54:56
he's right create another voice he's01:54:58
absolutely right dogs probably think it01:55:00
is strong and foul in a matter of01:55:04
seconds the entire assembly of which is01:55:05
a taken up the dreaded Cry of dogs01:55:07
droppings dogs droppings they shut it01:55:11
the room is full of it01:55:18
I'll smell it before it stinks like a01:55:21
sir that little swing must be hiding not01:55:23
so very far away from here01:55:31
till you get it hairs on my head was01:55:34
standing up like the bristle to the nail01:55:36
brush and a cool sweat was breaking out01:55:38
all over me rooted out this small lump01:55:41
of Dan Screech the ground I wish don't01:55:44
let it Escape if it is in here it has01:55:46
observed the most sacred things it must01:55:49
be01:55:50
experimented him01:55:58
metamorphosis01:56:01
I remember thinking to myself There Is01:56:03
No Escape for me now even if I make a01:56:06
run for it and manage to dodge the lot01:56:07
of them I still won't get up because the01:56:09
doors are chained and locked I'm01:56:11
finished I'm done for oh grandma01:56:14
what are they going to do to me01:56:15
I looked around and I saw a hideous01:56:18
painted and powdered witch's face01:56:20
staring down at me and the face opened01:56:22
his mouth and yelled triumphantly it's01:56:24
here it's here behind the screen come01:56:27
and get it the witch reached out a01:56:29
gloved hand and grabbed me about her01:56:31
hair but I twisted free and jumped away01:56:33
I ran oh how I ran the sheer Terror of01:56:37
it all put Wings on my feet I flew01:56:39
around the outside of the great ballroom01:56:40
and not one of them had a chance of01:56:42
catching me as I came to level with the01:56:44
doors I paused and try to open them but01:56:46
the big chains on them and they didn't01:56:48
even rattle The Witches were not01:56:50
bothering to chase me they simply stood01:56:52
there in small groups watching me and01:56:55
knowing for certain that there was no01:56:56
way I could Escape several of them were01:56:58
holding their noses with glove fingers01:57:00
and there were cries of pull what I01:57:03
think we can't stand this much longer01:57:05
catch it did you lips screamed the grand01:57:08
High witch from up on the platform01:57:09
spread out in a line across the room and01:57:12
clothes in on it and got it Corners near01:57:15
the little gum boil and seize it and01:57:17
bring you back here to me01:57:20
The Witches spread out as they were told01:57:22
they Advance towards me some from one01:57:25
end some from the other and some came01:57:27
from the middle between the rows of01:57:28
empty chairs they were bound to get me01:57:30
now they had me cornered from sheer and01:57:33
absolute Terror I began to scream help I01:57:37
screamed turning my head towards the01:57:39
doors in the hope that somebody outside01:57:40
might hear me help help help01:57:44
get it shouted the ground I wish grab01:57:47
out of it stop it yelling they rushed at01:57:50
me then and about five of them grab me01:57:52
by the arms and legs and lifting me01:57:53
clear off the ground I went on screaming01:57:55
but one of them clapped a gloved hand01:57:57
over my mouth and that stopped me burn01:58:00
it here shouted the ground High which01:58:02
bring the spying little worm up here to01:58:05
me I was carried onto the platform with01:58:08
my arms and legs held tight by many01:58:09
hands and I lay there suspended in the01:58:11
air facing the ceiling I saw the grand01:58:14
High witch standing over me grinning at01:58:16
me in the most horrible way she held up01:58:19
the small blue bottle of muscle maker01:58:21
and she said now for a little medicine01:58:25
hold his nose to make him open his mouth01:58:30
strong fingers pinch my nose I kept my01:58:33
mouth toes tight and now my breath but I01:58:35
couldn't do it for long my chest was01:58:37
bursting I opened my mouth to get one01:58:39
quick breath of air and as I did so the01:58:41
grand High which poured the entire01:58:42
content of the little bottle down my01:58:44
throat oh the pain and the fire it felt01:58:48
as though a kettle full of boiling water01:58:50
had been poured into my mouth my foot01:58:52
was going up in flames then very quickly01:58:55
the frightful burning searing scorching01:58:57
feeling started spreading down into my01:58:59
chest and into my tummy and on and on01:59:01
into my arms and legs and all over my01:59:03
body I screamed and screamed but once01:59:05
again the gloved hand was classed over01:59:07
my lips the next thing I felt was my01:59:10
skin began to tighten how else can I01:59:13
describe it it was quite literally a01:59:15
patenting and a shrinking of the skin01:59:17
all over my body from the top of my head01:59:18
to the tips of my fingers to the ends of01:59:20
my toes I felt as though I was a balloon01:59:22
and somebody was twisting the top of the01:59:24
balloon and twisting and twisting and01:59:26
the balloon was getting smaller and01:59:27
smaller and the skin was getting Tighter01:59:29
and Tighter and soon it was going to01:59:31
burst01:59:32
then the squeezing began this time I was01:59:35
inside a suit of iron and somebody was01:59:37
turning a screw and with each turn of01:59:40
the screw the iron suit became smaller01:59:42
and smaller so that I was squeezed like01:59:44
an orange into a puffy mess with the01:59:47
juice running out of my sides01:59:49
after that there came a fierce prickling01:59:51
sensation all over my skin or what was01:59:54
left on my skin as though tiny needles01:59:56
were forcing their way out through the01:59:57
surface of the skin from the inside and02:00:00
this I realized now was the growing of02:00:02
the mouse02:00:04
far away in the distance I heard the02:00:07
voice of the brand High witch yelling02:00:09
500 doses this stinking little carpenter02:00:13
has had 500 Doses and the alarm clock02:00:16
has been smashed and now we are having02:00:19
instantaneous action02:00:22
I heard clapping and cheering and I02:00:24
remember thinking I am not myself any02:00:27
longer02:00:28
I have gone clear out of my own skin02:00:31
I noticed that the floor was only an02:00:33
inch from my nose I noticed also a pair02:00:36
of little furry front pores resting on02:00:38
the floor02:00:39
I was able to move those paws02:00:42
they were mined02:00:44
at that moment I realized that I was not02:00:46
a little boy any longer I was a mouse02:00:49
no for the mouse club I heard the grand02:00:53
High witch yelling I've got it right02:00:54
there and she is a piece of cheese02:00:57
but I wasn't going to wait for that I02:00:59
was up across the platform like a streak02:01:01
of lightning I was astonished at my own02:01:03
speed I left over which his feet right02:01:05
and left and in no time at all I was02:01:07
down the steps and onto the floor of the02:01:08
ballroom itself and skittering off among02:01:10
the rows of chairs what I especially02:01:12
liked was the fact that I made no sound02:01:14
at all as I ran I was a Swift and Silent02:01:17
mover and quite amazingly the pain had02:01:19
all gone now I was feeling quite02:01:21
remarkably well it is not a bad thing02:01:24
after all I thought to myself to be tiny02:01:26
as well as Speedy when there's a bunch02:01:28
of dangerous females after your blood02:01:30
I selected the back leg of a chair and02:01:32
squeezed up against it and kept very02:01:34
still in the distance the grand High02:01:36
which were shouting02:01:39
it is not bothering about it's only a02:01:42
mass now somebody else will soon catch02:01:45
it then let's get out of here the02:01:46
meeting is over I left the doors and02:01:49
shove up to the sunshine test to have02:01:51
tea with that idiotic manager02:01:59
Bruno02:02:01
I've peeped around the leg of the chair02:02:03
and watched the hundreds of witch's feet02:02:05
walking out through the doors of the02:02:07
ballroom when they had all gone and the02:02:09
place was absolutely silent I began to02:02:12
move cautiously about on the floor02:02:14
suddenly I remember Bruno02:02:17
he would surely be around here somewhere02:02:19
too02:02:20
Bruno I called out02:02:23
I wasn't seriously expecting that I02:02:25
would be able to speak at all now that02:02:26
I'd become a mouse so I got the shock of02:02:28
my life when I heard my own voice my own02:02:31
perfectly normal rather loud voice02:02:33
coming out of my tiny mouth it was02:02:35
wonderful I was thrilled I tried it02:02:38
again02:02:39
Bruna Jenkins where are you I called out02:02:41
he didn't hear me give a shout my voice02:02:45
was exactly the same and just as loud as02:02:47
it had been when I was a boy02:02:49
hey Bruno Jenkins I called where are you02:02:53
there was no answer02:03:00
I liked it you were probably wondering02:03:03
why I wasn't depressed at all I found02:03:05
myself thinking what's so wonderful02:03:07
about being a little boy anyway02:03:09
why is that necessarily any better than02:03:11
being a mouse I know that mice get02:03:13
hunted and they sometimes get poisoned02:03:15
or caught in traps but little boys02:03:17
sometimes get killed too little boys can02:03:19
be run over by motor cars or they can02:03:21
die of some awful illness little boys02:03:23
have to go to school mice don't mice02:03:26
don't have to pass exams mice don't have02:03:28
to worry about money mice as far as I02:03:30
can see have only two enemies humans and02:03:33
cats my grandmother is a human but I02:03:36
know for certain that she will always02:03:37
love me whoever I am and she and she02:03:39
never thank goodness keeps a cat when02:03:41
mice grow up they don't ever have to go02:03:43
to war and fight against other mice02:03:46
nice I feel pretty certain or like each02:03:48
other02:03:49
people don't02:03:51
yes I tell myself I don't think it's at02:03:54
all a bad thing to be a mouse02:03:57
I was wandering around the ballroom02:03:58
floor thinking about all this when I02:04:00
spotted another mouse02:04:02
it was cracking on the floor holding a02:04:05
piece of bread in its front paws and02:04:06
nibbling away at it with Great Gusto it02:04:09
had to be Bruno02:04:11
hello Bruno I said02:04:14
he glanced up at me for about two02:04:16
seconds then went right on gasoline02:04:19
what have you found I asked him02:04:21
one of them dropped it he answered it's02:04:24
a fish-based sandwich pretty good02:04:27
two spoke with a perfectly normal voice02:04:29
one would have expected that a mouse if02:04:32
he was going to talk at all would do so02:04:34
with the smallest and squeakiest voice02:04:35
you could imagine it was terrifically02:04:37
funny to hear the voice of the rather02:04:39
loudmouth Bruno coming out of their tiny02:04:41
Mouse's throat02:04:43
listen Bruno I said now that we are both02:04:46
mice I think we ought to start thinking02:04:48
a bit about the future02:04:50
he stopped eating and stared at me with02:04:52
small black eyes02:04:53
what do you mean we he said the fact02:04:56
that you're a mouse has nothing to do02:04:57
with me but you're a mouse too Bruno02:05:00
davia fool he said I'm not a mouse I'm02:05:03
afraid You Are Bruno I most certainly am02:05:06
not he shouted why are you insulting me02:05:08
I have been rude to you why do you call02:05:10
me a mouse02:05:12
don't you know what's happened to you I02:05:13
said where on Earth are you talking02:05:15
about Bruno said I have to inform you I02:05:18
said that not very long ago the witches02:05:20
turned you into a mouse then they did it02:05:22
to me you're lying he cried I'm not a02:05:26
mouse if you hadn't been so busy02:05:28
guzzling that sandwich I said you would02:05:30
have noticed your hairy Paws take a look02:05:32
at them02:05:33
Bruno looked down at his paws he jumped02:05:36
good grief he cried I am a mouse you02:05:40
wait who my father is about this he may02:05:42
think it's an improvement I said I don't02:05:45
want to be a mouse Bruno shouted jumping02:05:47
up and down I refused to be a mouse I'm02:05:49
Bruno Jenkins02:05:51
they're the worst things in being a02:05:52
mouse I said you can live in a hole I02:05:55
don't want to live with a hole Bruno02:05:56
shattered and you can creep into the02:05:58
Larder at night I said and nibble02:06:00
through all the packets of raisins and02:06:02
corn flakes and chocolate biscuits and02:06:03
everything else you could find you would02:06:05
stay there all night eating yourself02:06:07
silly that's what mice do02:06:09
hmm now that's a thought Bruno said02:06:12
perky up a bit02:06:14
but how am I going to open the door of02:06:15
the fridge to get at the cold sitting02:06:17
and all the leftovers that's something I02:06:19
do every evening at home or maybe your02:06:21
Rich father will get you a special02:06:22
little mouse fridge or to yourself I02:06:24
said one that you can open02:06:26
you say I wish did this to me Bruno said02:06:29
which witch the one who gave you the02:06:32
chocolate bar in the hotel lobby02:06:33
yesterday I told him don't you remember02:06:35
the filthy old cow he shouted I'll get02:06:38
it for this where is she who is she02:06:40
forget it I said you don't have a hope02:06:43
your biggest problem at the moment is02:06:45
your parents how are they going to take02:06:46
this will they treat you with sympathy02:06:48
and kindness Bruno consider this for a02:06:51
moment I think he said that my father is02:06:55
going to be a bit put out02:06:56
and your mother02:06:58
she's terrified of mice Bruno said then02:07:01
you've got a problem haven't you but why02:07:02
are they me he said what about you02:07:05
my grandmother would understand02:07:06
perfectly I said she knows all about02:07:08
witches Bruno took another bite of his02:07:11
sandwich02:07:12
well what do you suggest he said I02:07:14
suggest we both go first of all and02:07:16
consult my grandmother I said she'll02:07:18
know exactly what to do02:07:19
I move towards the doors which were02:07:21
standing open Bruno still grasping part02:07:24
of the sandwich in one pour followed02:07:26
after me02:07:27
when we get out into the corridor I said02:07:28
we're gonna run like mad stick toes to02:07:31
the wall all the way and follow me don't02:07:33
talk and don't let anyone see you don't02:07:35
forget that just about anyone who02:07:37
catches sight of you will try to kill02:07:39
you I snatched the sandwich out of his02:07:41
paw and threw it away02:07:43
here goes acid02:07:50
hello Grandma02:07:53
as soon as I was out of the ballroom I02:07:56
took off like a flash I straight down02:07:58
the corridor went through the lounge and02:08:00
the reading room and the library and the02:08:02
drawing room and came to the stairs02:08:04
the stairs I went jumping quite easily02:08:06
from one to the other keeping one in02:08:08
against the wall all the time02:08:10
with people though I whispered right02:08:12
here you see02:08:14
my grandmother's room and my own were on02:08:16
the fifth floor it was02:08:18
because we made it without meeting a02:08:19
single person on the way because02:08:21
everyone was using the lift02:08:23
on the fifth floor I raced around the02:08:25
corridor to the door of my grandmother's02:08:26
room a pair of her shoes was standing02:08:29
outside the door to be cleaned Bruno was02:08:31
alongside me what do we do now he said02:08:34
suddenly I caught sight of a chambermaid02:08:36
coming along the corridor towards us I02:08:38
saw at once that she was the one who had02:08:40
reported me to the manager for keeping02:08:42
white mice not there for the sort of02:08:44
person I wanted to meet in my present02:08:45
condition quick hiding one of those02:08:48
shows I hopped into one shoe and Bruno02:08:51
hopped into the other I waited for the02:08:53
maid to walk past us she didn't when she02:08:56
came to the shoes she bent down and02:08:59
picked them up in doing this she put her02:09:01
hand right inside the one I was hiding02:09:03
in02:09:04
when one of her fingers touched me I bit02:09:06
it it was just anything to do but I did02:09:08
it instinctively without thinking the02:09:10
maid let out a scream that must have02:09:12
been heard by ships far out in the02:09:13
English Channel and she'd dropped the02:09:15
shoes and ran like the wind down the02:09:16
corridor02:09:18
this door opened what on Earth is going02:09:21
on out here she said I dotted between02:09:23
her legs into her room and Bruno02:09:25
followed me close the door Grandma I02:09:28
cried please honey she looked around and02:09:31
saw two small brown mice on the carpet02:09:34
close it I02:09:37
I saw me talking and recognized my voice02:09:39
she02:09:41
absolutely motionless every part of her02:09:44
body her fingers and hands and arms and02:09:46
head became suddenly as stiff as a02:09:49
marble statue02:09:50
face turned even paler than marble and02:09:53
her eyes were stretched so wide I could02:09:55
see the whites all around them02:09:57
then she started to tremble I thought02:09:59
she was going to faint and fall over02:10:01
please close the door quickly Grandma I02:10:04
said that also made my tummy02:10:06
she somehow managed to gather herself02:10:08
together enough to close the door she02:10:10
leaned against it staring down at me02:10:12
white faced and shaking all over I saw02:10:14
tears beginning to come out of her eyes02:10:16
and go dribbling down her cheeks don't02:10:19
cry Grandma ma said things could be a02:10:21
lot worse I did get away from them I'm02:10:23
still alive so is Bruno02:10:25
very slowly she bent down and picked me02:10:28
up with one hand then she picked Bruno02:10:30
up with the other hand and put his belt02:10:32
on the table02:10:33
was a bowl of bananas in the center of02:10:35
the table and Bruno jumps straight into02:10:37
it and began tearing away with his teeth02:10:39
at one of the banana skins to get at the02:10:41
fruit inside02:10:42
my grandmother grasped the arm of her02:10:44
chair to steady herself but her eyes02:10:46
never left me02:10:48
sit down dear Grandma ma I said she02:10:51
collapsed into her chair Oh My Darling02:10:54
she murmured and now the tears were02:10:56
really screaming down her cheeks oh my02:10:59
poor sweet darling what have they done02:11:02
to you02:11:03
I know what they've done Grandma Ma I02:11:06
know what I am but the funny thing is02:11:08
that I don't honestly feel especially02:11:09
bad about it I don't even feel angry in02:11:12
fact I feel rather good I know I'm not a02:11:15
boy any longer and I never will be again02:11:17
but I'll be quite all right as long as02:11:19
there's always you to look after me02:11:21
I was not just trying to console her I02:11:23
was being absolutely honest about the02:11:25
way I felt you may think it's odd that I02:11:27
wasn't weeping myself it was odd I02:11:30
simply can't explain it02:11:32
of course I look after you my02:11:35
grandmother murmured who is the other02:11:37
one that was a boy called Bruno Jenkins I02:11:40
told her they got him first02:11:42
my grandmother took a new long black02:11:45
cigar out of a case in her handbag and02:11:47
put it in her mouth then she got out a02:11:49
box of matches02:11:50
it's like a match but her fingers were02:11:52
shaking so much that the flame kept02:11:54
missing the end of the cigar when she02:11:56
got it lit at last she took a long pull02:11:59
and sucked in the smoke that seemed to02:12:01
calm her down a bit02:12:03
where did it happen she whispered where02:12:06
is the witch now is she in the hotel02:12:09
Grandma Mariah said it wasn't just one02:12:12
it was hundreds they're all over the02:12:15
place they're right here in the Hotel02:12:17
this very moment02:12:21
you don't mean you don't actually mean02:12:24
it you don't mean to tell me02:12:26
holding the annual meeting right here in02:12:30
the hotel02:12:31
they'd held it Grandma it's finished I02:12:34
heard it all and all of them including02:12:36
the grand High which herself are02:12:38
downstairs now02:12:39
they're pretending they're the Royal02:12:41
Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to02:12:43
Children they're all having tea with the02:12:45
manager02:12:46
and they caught you they smoked me out I02:12:49
said02:12:50
dogs droppings was it she's the sign I'm02:12:54
afraid so but he wasn't strong they very02:12:57
really didn't know me because I hadn't02:12:58
had a bar for ages02:13:00
children should never have bars my02:13:02
grandmother said it's a dangerous habit02:13:04
I agree Grandma Ma she paused starting02:13:08
at her cigar02:13:10
do you really mean to tell me that they02:13:12
are now all downstairs having tea she02:13:15
said I'm certainly grandma02:13:18
there was another pause I see the old02:13:21
glintific segment slowly coming back02:13:23
into my grandmother's eyes and all of a02:13:25
sudden she's set up very straight in her02:13:27
chair and said sharply tell me02:13:29
everything right from the beginning and02:13:31
please hurry02:13:32
I took a deep breath and began to talk I02:13:35
told about going to the ballroom and02:13:37
hiding behind the screen to do my mouse02:13:39
training I told about the notice saying02:13:41
Royal Society for the prevention02:13:42
reported the children I told her all02:13:44
about the women coming in and sitting02:13:46
down and about the small woman who02:13:48
appeared on the stage and took off her02:13:49
mask02:13:50
but when it came to describing what her02:13:52
face looked like underneath the mask I02:13:55
simply couldn't find the right words it02:13:57
was horrible Grandma I said oh it was so02:14:00
horrible it was it was like something02:14:02
that was going rotten go on my02:14:04
grandmother said don't stop02:14:06
then I told her about all the others02:14:08
taking off their wigs and their gloves02:14:10
and their shoes and how I saw before me02:14:12
a sea of bald pimply heads and how the02:14:15
women's fingers had little Claws and how02:14:17
their feet had no toes my grandmother02:14:20
had come forward knowing her armchair so02:14:22
that she was sitting right on the edge02:14:24
of it both her hands were cuffed over02:14:26
the Golden knob of a stick that she02:14:28
always used when walking and she was02:14:30
staring at me with eyes as bright as two02:14:33
stars02:14:34
then I told her how the grand High which02:14:36
had shot out the fiery white hot Sparks02:14:38
and how they had turned one of the other02:14:40
witches into a puff of smoke I've heard02:14:43
about that my grandmother Cried Out02:14:44
excitedly but I never quite believed it02:14:46
you were the first non-witch ever to see02:14:49
it happening it is the grand High which02:14:51
is most famous punishment it is known as02:14:54
getting fried and all the other witches02:14:56
are petrified at having it done to them02:14:58
I am told that the grand High which02:15:00
makes it a rule to fry at least one wish02:15:03
at each annual meeting she does it in02:15:05
order to keep the rest of them on their02:15:07
toes but they don't have any toes02:15:09
grandma02:15:10
I know they don't my darling but please02:15:12
go on02:15:13
so then I told my grandmother about the02:15:15
Delayed Action Mouse maker and when I02:15:17
came to the bit about turning all the02:15:19
children of England into mice she02:15:21
actually let out of her chair shouting I02:15:23
knew it I knew they were bringing up02:15:25
something tremendous we've got to stop02:15:28
them I said she turned and stared at me02:15:30
you can't stop witches she said just02:15:33
look at the power that terrible Grand02:15:35
High witch has in her eyes alone she02:15:37
could kill any of us at any time with02:15:39
those white hawk Sparks of hers you saw02:15:41
it yourself even so Grandma we've still02:15:44
got to stop her from turning all the02:15:45
children of England into mice you02:15:48
haven't quite finished she said tell me02:15:49
about Bruno how did they get him so I02:15:52
described how Bruno Jenkins had come in02:15:54
and how I had actually seen him with my02:15:56
own eyes being shrunk into a mouse02:16:00
looked at Bruno who was guzzling away in02:16:02
the bowl of bananas02:16:03
does he never stop eating she asked02:16:06
never I said can you explain something02:16:08
to me grandma I'll try she said she02:16:12
reached out and lifted me off the table02:16:13
and put me on her lap very gently she02:16:17
began stroking the soft fur along my02:16:19
back he felt nice02:16:21
what is it you want to ask me my darling02:16:23
she said the thing I don't understand I02:16:26
said is how Bruno and I are still able02:16:29
to talk and think just as we did before02:16:32
it's quite simple my grandmother said02:16:34
all they've done is to shrink you and02:16:36
give you four legs and a fairly coat but02:16:39
they hadn't been able to change you into02:16:40
a 100 Mouse you will steal yourself in02:16:44
everything except your appearance you've02:16:46
still got your own mind and your own02:16:48
brain and your own voice and thank02:16:50
goodness for that02:16:52
so I'm not really an ordinary Mouse at02:16:54
all I said I'm a sort of mouse person02:16:57
quite right she said you are a human in02:17:00
Mouse's clothing you are very special02:17:03
we sat there in silence for a few02:17:05
moments while my grandmother went on02:17:07
stroking me very gently with one finger02:17:09
and puffing a cigar with the other hand02:17:12
the only sound in the room was made by02:17:14
Bruno as he attacked the bananas and bow02:17:17
but I wasn't doing nothing as I lay02:17:19
there on her lap I was thinking like mad02:17:21
my brain was whizzing as it had never02:17:24
whizzed before02:17:26
Grandma I said I may have a bit of an02:17:29
idea yes my darling what is it the grand02:17:33
High which told them her room was number02:17:35
454 right right she said well my room is02:17:40
number five I fall mine 554 is on the02:17:44
fifth floor so hers 4x4 will be on the02:17:47
fourth floor02:17:48
if that is correct my grandmother said02:17:51
don't you think it's possible that room02:17:53
454 is directly underneath room 55402:17:59
it's more than likely she said these02:18:02
modern hotels are all built like boxes02:18:04
of bricks but what if it is would you02:18:07
please take me out onto my balcony so I02:18:09
can look down I said02:18:11
all the rooms in the hotel magnificent02:18:13
had small private balconies my02:18:16
grandmother carried me through into my02:18:18
own bedroom and out onto my balcony we02:18:20
both peered down to the balcony02:18:22
immediately below02:18:24
if that is her room I said then I'll bet02:18:28
I could climb down there somehow and get02:18:30
in and get caught all over again my02:18:33
grandmother said I won't allow it02:18:35
at this moment I said all the witches02:18:38
are down on the sunshine Kelly's having02:18:39
tea with the manager the grand High02:18:41
which probably won't be back until six02:18:43
o'clock or just before that's when she's02:18:45
going to dish out supplies of that foul02:18:47
formula to the ancient ones who were too02:18:49
old to climb trees after gruntled eggs02:18:51
but what if you did manage to get in her02:18:54
room my grandmother said what then then02:18:57
I should try to find the place where she02:18:58
keeps her supply of Delayed Action Mouse02:19:00
and if I succeeded then I would02:19:03
steal one bottle of it and put it back02:19:05
here could you carry it I think so I02:19:08
said it's a very small bottle02:19:11
I'm frightened of that stuff my02:19:13
grandmother said what would you do with02:19:14
it if you did manage to get it one02:19:16
bottle is enough for 500 people I said02:19:19
that would give each and every witch02:19:21
down there a double dose at least we02:19:24
could turn them all into mice02:19:28
my grandmother jumped about an inch in02:19:30
the air we were out on my balcony and02:19:33
there was a drop of about a million feet02:19:34
below us and I barely bounced out of her02:19:37
hand over the railings when she jumped02:19:39
be careful with me Grandma I said what02:19:42
an idea she cried it's fantastic it's02:19:45
tremendous you're a genius my darling02:19:47
wouldn't it be something I said wouldn't02:19:49
that really be something we get rid of02:19:52
Every Witch in England in one swoop she02:19:55
cried and the grand High which into the02:19:57
bargain we've got to try it I said02:20:01
dropping me over the balcony02:20:04
if we brought this off it would be the02:20:06
greatest trout in the whole history of02:20:08
Witchery02:20:09
there's a lot of work to do I said of02:20:11
course there's a lot of work to do she02:20:13
said just for a start supposing you did02:20:15
manage to get hold of one of those02:20:16
bottles how would you get it into their02:20:19
food we'll work that out later I said let's02:20:21
try to get the stuff first how can we02:20:24
find out for sure if that's her room02:20:25
just below us we shall check it out02:20:27
immediately my grandmother cried come02:20:29
along there's not a second to waste02:20:31
carry me in one hand she went bustling02:20:34
out of the bedroom and around the02:20:35
corridor Danny her stick on the carpet02:20:37
with each step she took we went down the02:20:40
stairs one flight to the fourth floor02:20:41
the bedrooms on either side of the02:20:43
corridor had their numbers painted on02:20:45
the doors in gold02:20:47
here it is my grandmother cried number02:20:50
four five four she tried the door it was02:20:54
locked of course02:20:55
he looked up and down a long empty Hotel02:20:57
corridor I do believe you're right she02:21:00
said02:21:01
she said this room is almost certainly02:21:02
directly below yours02:21:04
she marched back along the corridor02:21:06
counting the number of doors from the02:21:08
grand High witch's room to the staircase02:21:10
there were six02:21:12
climb back up to the fifth floor and02:21:14
repeated the exercise02:21:16
she is directly below you my grandmother02:21:18
cried out her room is right below yours02:21:21
he carried me back into my own bedroom02:21:23
and went out once again onto the balcony02:21:26
that's her balcony down there she said02:21:28
and what's more of the door from her02:21:30
balcony into her bedroom is wide open02:21:33
how are you going to climb down02:21:35
I don't know I said our rooms were in02:21:38
the front of the hotel and they looked02:21:40
down onto the beach and the sea02:21:42
immediately below my balconies thousands02:21:44
of people owe I could see a fence of02:21:46
spiked ratings if I fell I'd be a goner02:21:50
I got it my grandmother cried with me in02:21:53
her hand she rushed back into her own02:21:55
room and began rummishing in the chest02:21:57
of Ross she came out with a ball of blue02:21:59
knitting War one end of it was attached02:22:02
to some needles and a half police sock02:22:04
she had been knitting for me this is02:22:06
perfect she said I shall put you in the02:22:09
sock and lower you down onto the grand02:22:11
High which is balcony but we must have02:22:13
it any moment now that monster will be02:22:16
returning to her room02:22:19
the mouse Burger02:22:22
my grandmother hustled me back into my02:22:24
own bedroom and out onto the balcony are02:22:27
you ready she asked I'm going to put you02:22:29
in the sock now I hope I can manage this02:22:32
I said I'm only a little mouse you'll02:22:35
manage she said good luck my darling02:22:38
she popped me into the sock and started02:22:40
luring me over the balcony I crushed02:22:43
inside the sock and held my breath02:22:45
through the stitches I could see out02:22:47
quite clearly miles below me the02:22:50
children playing on the beach were the02:22:51
size of beetles02:22:52
the socks started swinging in the breeze02:22:54
I looked up and saw my grandmother's02:22:56
head sticking out over the ratings of02:22:58
the balcony above you're nearly there02:23:01
she called out here we go02:23:04
you're down02:23:06
dump in you go my grandmother was02:23:09
shouting hurry hurry hurry searched the02:23:12
room02:23:13
jumped out of the sock and ran into the02:23:15
ground02:23:17
address02:23:19
about the place that I had noticed in02:23:20
the ballroom it was the stench of02:23:22
witches it reminded me of the smell02:23:25
inside the men's public lavatory at our02:23:27
local railway station02:23:29
as far as I could see the room was tidy02:23:32
enough02:23:33
there was no sign anywhere that it was02:23:35
inhabited by anyone but an ordinary02:23:37
person but then there wouldn't they were02:23:39
there no which would be stupid enough to02:23:42
leave anything suspicious lying around02:23:43
for the hotel made to see suddenly I saw02:23:47
a frog jumping across the carpet and02:23:49
disappearing under the bed I jumped02:23:51
myself02:23:52
hurry up pay my grandmother's voice from02:23:55
somewhere high up outside grab the stuff02:23:57
and get out02:23:59
I started skittering around and trying02:24:01
to search the room this wasn't so easy I02:24:04
couldn't for example open any of the02:24:06
drawers I couldn't open the doors of the02:24:08
big wardrobe either I stopped skittering02:24:10
about I found in the middle of the floor02:24:13
and had to think02:24:14
it's the grand High which wanted to hide02:24:16
something top secret where would she put02:24:18
it02:24:19
certainly not in an ordinary draw not in02:24:22
the wardrobe either it was too obvious02:24:25
I jumped out onto the bed to get a02:24:27
better view of the room02:24:28
hey I thought what about under the02:24:30
mattress02:24:32
and carefully I lowered myself over the02:24:34
edge of the bed and wormed my way02:24:36
underneath the mattress I had to push02:24:38
forward hard to make any Headway but I02:24:40
kept at it I couldn't see a thing02:24:43
scrambling about under the mattress when02:24:45
my head suddenly bumped against02:24:47
something hard inside the mattress above02:24:49
me02:24:50
I reached up and felt it with my paw02:24:53
could it be a little bottle it was a02:24:56
little bottle I could trace the shape of02:24:58
it through the cloth of the mattress and02:25:00
right alongside it I felt another hard02:25:02
lump and another and another the grand02:25:04
High which must have slid open the02:25:06
mattress and put all the bottles inside02:25:08
and then sewn it all up again I began02:25:11
carrying away frantically the mattress02:25:12
cloth about my head with my teeth02:25:15
my front teeth were extremely sharp and02:25:17
it didn't take me long to make a small02:25:19
hole I climbed into the hole and grabbed02:25:22
a bottle by the neck I would sit down02:25:24
through a hole in the mattress and02:25:26
climbed out after it walking backwards02:25:28
and grabbing the bottle behind me I02:25:30
managed to reach the edge of the02:25:31
mattress02:25:32
roll the bottle off the bed onto the02:25:35
carpet it bounced but it didn't break I02:25:38
jumped down off the bed I examined the02:25:40
little bottle it was identical to the02:25:42
one the grand High which had in the02:25:44
ballroom they02:25:45
this one Formula 86 it said Delayed02:25:49
Action Mouse Mecca then it said this02:25:52
bottle contains 500 doses Eureka I felt02:25:57
tremendously pleased with myself02:25:58
three frogs came hopping out from under02:26:00
the bed02:26:01
poached on the carpet staring at me with02:26:04
large black eyes I stared back at them02:26:07
those huge eyes were the saddest things02:26:10
I have ever seen02:26:11
it suddenly occurred to me that almost02:26:13
certainly once upon a time they had been02:26:16
children those frogs before the grand02:26:18
High which had got hold of them02:26:20
clutting the bottle and staring at the02:26:22
frogs02:26:23
who are you I asked them02:26:26
that exact moment I heard a key turning02:26:28
in the lock of the door and the door02:26:30
burst open and the grand High which02:26:32
swept into the room the frogs jumped02:26:34
underneath the bed again in one quick02:26:35
hop I doubted after them still cutting02:26:38
the bottle and I ran back against the02:26:40
wall and squeezed in behind one of the02:26:42
bedposts I heard feet walking on the02:26:44
carpet I peeped round the bedpost02:26:47
three frogs were clustered together02:26:48
under the middle of the bed02:26:50
frogs cannot fight like mice they cannot02:26:53
run like mice either all they can do02:26:55
poor things is to hop about rather02:26:57
clumsily suddenly the grand High which02:27:00
his face came into view peering under02:27:02
the bed I popped my head back behind the02:27:04
bedpost so there you are made of frog is02:27:09
I heard the thing you can stay there02:27:12
your until I go to bed tonight02:27:14
then I shall haul you out of the window02:27:17
and see guys can help you02:27:21
suddenly very loud and clear02:27:24
the sound of my grandmother's Voice02:27:25
through the open balcony door hurry up02:27:28
my darling to hurry up you better come02:27:31
out quickly02:27:32
who is calling02:27:35
calling you throw on the bed first again02:27:37
and saw her walking across the carpet to02:27:39
the balcony door who is this on my02:27:42
balcony she mattered who is it who's02:27:44
there02:27:46
she went through the door onto the02:27:48
balcony itself02:27:50
where is this knitting bull hanging down02:27:53
here I heard the saying oh hello okay my02:27:57
grandmother's voice I just dropped my02:27:58
knitting over the balcony by mistake but02:28:01
it's all right I've got hold of one end02:28:03
of it I can pull it up by myself thank02:28:04
you all the same I modeled at the02:28:07
coolness of her voice02:28:13
further you're telling to hurry up and02:28:16
come out quickly02:28:17
I was talking to my little grandson I02:28:20
heard my grandmother saying he's been in02:28:22
the bathroom for hours and it's time he02:28:24
came out he sits in there reading books02:28:26
and he forgets completely where he is do02:28:29
you have any children my dear I do not02:28:33
the grand High witch and he came quickly02:28:35
back into the bedroom slamming the02:28:37
balcony door behind her02:28:39
I was cooked my Escape Route was closed02:28:42
I was shut up in the room with a grand02:28:44
High witch and three terrified frogs I02:28:47
was just as terrified as the frogs I was02:28:49
quite sure that if I was spotted I would02:28:51
be caught and thrown out over the02:28:52
balcony for the seagulls02:28:54
it came a knock on the bedroom door what02:28:57
is it this time shout out to the Grand02:28:59
High witch02:29:00
it is we ancient ones to the meek voice02:29:04
from behind the door it is six o'clock02:29:06
and we have come to collect the bottles02:29:08
that you promised us over your grand02:29:10
isn't it02:29:12
saw her crossing the carpets towards the02:29:13
door the door was opened and then I saw02:29:16
a whole lot of feet and shoes beginning02:29:18
to enter the room they were coming in02:29:20
slowly and hesitantly as though the02:29:23
owners of those shoes were frightened of02:29:24
entering Captain snapped the Grand02:29:27
highway do not stand out there diddling02:29:29
in the corridor I don't have all night02:29:32
saw my chance I jumped out from behind02:29:35
the bedpost and ran like lightning02:29:37
towards the open door I jumped over02:29:39
several pairs of shoes on the way and in02:29:41
three seconds I was out in the corridor02:29:42
still touching the precious bottle to my02:29:44
chest no one had seen me there were no02:29:47
shouts of mouse mouse02:29:49
all I could hear were the voices of the02:29:51
ancient witches burbling their silly02:29:53
sentences about how kind your grandness02:29:55
is and all the rest of it I went02:29:58
scampering down the corridor to the02:29:59
stairs and up one flight I went to the02:30:02
fifth floor and then along the corridor02:30:03
again until I came to the door of my own02:30:05
bedroom thank goodness there was no one02:30:08
in sight using the bottom of the little02:30:10
bottle I began tap tap tap the door02:30:13
and I went 1002:30:15
tap tap would my grandmother hear me I02:30:18
thought that she must the bottle made02:30:20
quite a loud tap each time it struck tap02:30:22
tap tap tap02:30:24
tap so long as nobody came along the02:30:26
corridor02:30:27
but the door didn't open I decided to02:30:30
take a risk02:30:31
Grandma I shouted as loudly as I02:30:33
possibly could Grandma it's me let me in02:30:37
I heard her feet coming across the02:30:39
carpet and the door opened I went in02:30:42
like an arrow I've done it I cried02:30:44
jumping up and down I've got it grandma02:30:46
look here it is I've got a whole bottle02:30:48
of it02:30:50
she bent down hit me up and and help me02:30:53
oh my darling she cried thank heavens02:30:57
you're safe she took the little bottle02:31:00
from me and read the label aloud Formula02:31:03
86 Delayed Action she read this bottle02:31:06
contains 500 doses you brilliant darling02:31:10
boy you're a wonder you're a Marvel how02:31:13
on Earth did you get out of her room I02:31:21
oh her too my grandmother said I know02:31:24
you did Grandma I heard you talking to02:31:26
each other didn't you think she was02:31:28
absolutely foul she's a murderer my02:31:32
grandmother said she's the most evil02:31:34
woman in the entire world did you see02:31:37
her mask I asked it's amazing my02:31:40
grandmother said it looks just like a02:31:43
real face even though I knew it was a02:31:45
mask I still couldn't tell Oh My Darling02:31:49
she got giving me a hug I thought I'd02:31:52
never see you again02:31:54
I'm so happy you got away02:32:00
Mr and Mrs Jenkins meet Bruno02:32:05
my grandmother carried me back into her02:32:07
own bedroom and put me on the table02:32:09
she set the precious bottle down beside02:32:12
me what time are those witches having02:32:14
supper in the dining room she asked02:32:16
eight o'clock I said she looked at her02:32:19
watch it is now ten past six she said02:32:22
we've got until eight o'clock to work02:32:24
out our next move02:32:26
suddenly her eyes fell off on Bruno he02:32:29
was still in the banana bowl on the02:32:30
table he had eaten free bananas and was02:32:33
now attacking a fourth he had become02:32:35
immensely fat that's quite enough my02:32:38
grandmother said lifting him out of the02:32:40
bowl and put him on the table top I02:32:42
think it's time we returned visitor02:32:44
fellow to the bosom of his family don't02:32:46
you agree Bruno02:32:48
Bruno's cold at her I had never seen a02:32:51
mouse skull before but he managed it02:32:54
my parents let me eat as much as I want02:32:55
he said he said I'd rather be with them02:32:58
than with you of course you would my02:33:00
grandmother said do you know where your02:33:02
parents might be at this moment they02:33:04
were in the lounge not long ago I said I02:33:07
saw them sitting there as we dashed02:33:08
through on our way up here right your02:33:10
grandmother said let's go and see if02:33:12
they're still there do you want to come02:33:14
along looking at me yes please I said I02:33:17
shall put you both in my handbag she02:33:19
said keep quiet and stay out of sight if02:33:22
you must peep out now and again don't02:33:24
show more than your nose02:33:26
her handbag was a large bulgy black02:33:29
leather repair with a tortoiseshell02:33:30
clasp she picked up Bruno and me and02:33:33
popped us into it as she leave the clasp02:33:36
and done she said But be sure to keep02:33:38
out of sight02:33:40
I had no intention of keeping out aside02:33:42
I wanted to see everything I exceeded02:33:45
myself in a little side pocket inside02:33:46
the bag near the clasp and from there I02:33:49
was able to put my head out whenever I02:33:51
wanted to02:33:52
hey Bruno call Dad give me the rest of02:33:55
that banana I was eating oh all right my02:33:58
grandmother said anything to keep you02:34:00
quiet she dropped the half eaten banana02:34:02
into the bag then slung the bag over her02:34:05
arm and marched out of the room and went02:34:07
thumping along the corridor with her02:34:09
walking stick02:34:10
we went down in a lift to the ground02:34:12
floor and made our way through the02:34:14
reading room to the lounge and there02:34:16
sure enough Seth Mr Mrs Jenkins in a02:34:19
couple of armchairs with a low round02:34:21
glass covered table between them there02:34:23
were several other groups in there as02:34:24
well but the Jenkins series were the02:34:26
only couple sitting alone Mr Jenkins was02:34:29
reading a newspaper Mrs Jenkins was02:34:31
knitting something large and mustard02:34:33
colored only my nose and eyes were above02:34:36
the cloth but my grandmother's handbag02:34:38
but I had a super view I could see02:34:40
everything02:34:41
my grandmother dressed in black lace02:34:44
went thumping across the floor of the02:34:46
lounge and halted in front of the02:34:47
Jenkins table are you Mr Mrs Jenkins she02:34:51
asked02:34:52
Mr Jenkins looked at her over the top of02:34:55
his newspaper and frowned yes he said I02:34:58
am Mr Jenkins what can I do for you02:35:01
madam and we figured I have some rather02:35:03
alarming news for you she said it's02:35:06
about your son Bruno02:35:08
what about Bruno Mr Jenkins said Mrs02:35:12
Jenkins looked up but went on knitting02:35:14
what's the little flight I've been up to02:35:16
now Mr Jenkins asked raiding the kitchen02:35:18
I suppose it's a bit worse than that my02:35:22
grandmother said do you think we might02:35:24
go somewhere more private while I tell02:35:26
you about it private Mr Jenkins said why02:35:29
do we have to be private this is not an02:35:32
easy thing for me to explain my02:35:34
grandmother said I'd much rather we all02:35:36
went up to your room and sat down before02:35:38
I tell you anymore Mr Jenkins lowered02:35:41
his paper Mrs Jenkins stopped knitting I02:35:45
don't want to go out to my room Madam Mr02:35:47
Jenkins said I'm quite comfortable here02:35:49
thank you very much02:35:50
he was a large course man and he wasn't02:35:53
used to being pushed around by anybody02:35:55
kind of state job business and then02:35:57
leave us alone he added she spoke as02:35:59
though he was addressing someone who was02:36:00
trying to sell him a vacuum cleaner at02:36:02
the back door02:36:03
my poor grandmother who had been doing02:36:05
her best to be as kind to them as02:36:07
possible now began to bristle a bit02:36:09
herself02:36:10
we really can't talk in here she said02:36:13
there are too many people this is a02:36:15
rather delicate and personal matter02:36:18
I'll talk where I dashed will want to02:36:20
Madam Mr Jenkins said come on now out02:36:23
with it if Bruno has broken a window or02:36:25
smashed your spectacles and I'll pay the02:36:27
damage but I'm not budging out of this02:36:29
seat one or two other groups in the room02:36:31
will begin to stare at us now02:36:33
where is Bruno anyway Mr Jenkins said02:36:36
tend to come here and see me he's here02:36:39
already my grandmother said he's in my02:36:43
handbag she patted the big floppy02:36:45
leather bag with her walking stick02:36:47
what the heck do you mean he's in your02:36:49
handbag this Jenkins shut it are you02:36:52
trying to be funny Mrs Jenkins said very02:36:55
Prim there's nothing funny about this my02:36:58
grandmother said your son has suffered a02:37:01
rather unfortunate mishap02:37:03
he's always suffering mishaps Miss02:37:06
Jenkins said he suffers from overeating02:37:08
then he suffers from wind you should02:37:10
hear him after summer he sounds like a02:37:12
brass band but a good dose of castor oil02:37:14
soon puts him right again where is a02:37:16
little beggar I've already told you my02:37:19
grandmother said he's in my handbag but02:37:22
I do think it mattered better if we went02:37:24
somewhere private before you meet him in02:37:26
his present state02:37:28
This Woman's mad Mrs Jenkins said tell02:37:31
her to go away the plain fact is my02:37:35
grandmother said that your son Bruno has02:37:37
been rather drastically altered02:37:41
shouted Mr Jenkins what the devil do you02:37:44
mean all type go away Mrs Gentry said02:37:47
you're a sillier woman I am trying to02:37:51
tell you as gently as I possibly can02:37:53
that Bruno really is in my handbag my02:37:57
grandmother said my own grandson02:37:59
actually saw them doing it to him02:38:02
so who doing what in the Heaven's Sake02:38:04
shouting Miss Jenkins he had a black02:38:06
mustache which jumped up and down when02:38:08
he shouted02:38:09
saw the witch is turning him into a02:38:12
mouse my grandmother said call the02:38:15
manager there Mrs Jenkins said to her02:38:17
husband had this mad woman thrown out of02:38:19
the hotel02:38:21
my grandmother's patience came to an end02:38:24
fished around in a handbag and02:38:26
no she lifted him out and dumped him on02:38:29
the glass top table02:38:31
one look at the fat little brown mouse02:38:33
who was still chewing a bit of banana02:38:35
and she let out a shriek that metal the02:38:37
crystals on the chandelier she sprang02:38:40
out of her chair yelling is the mouse02:38:42
take it away I can't stand the things02:38:44
it's Bruno my grandmother said you nasty02:38:49
cheeky old woman shouted Mr Jenkins he02:38:52
started flapping his newspaper at Bruno02:38:53
trying to sweep him off the table my02:38:56
grandmother rushed forward and managed02:38:57
to grab hold of him before he was Swept02:38:59
Away the heat Jenkins was still02:39:01
screaming her head off and this identity02:39:03
was towering over us and shouting get02:39:05
out of here how dare you frighten my02:39:07
wife like that take you off 50 miles02:39:09
away this instant02:39:10
help scream Mrs Jenkins her face had02:39:13
gone the color of the underside of a02:39:15
fish02:39:16
well I did my best my grandmother said02:39:19
with that turned and sailed out of the02:39:22
room carrying Bruno with her02:39:28
the plan02:39:31
when we got back to the bedroom my02:39:34
grandmother took both me and Bruno out02:39:36
of a handbag and put us on the table why02:39:39
on Earth didn't you speak up and tell02:39:41
your father who you were she said to02:39:43
Bruno02:39:44
because I had my mouth full Bruno said02:39:46
he jumped straight back into the bowl of02:39:48
bananas and went on with his eating02:39:51
what a very disagreeable little boy you02:39:53
are my grandmother said to him not boy I02:39:56
said Mouse quite right my darling but we02:40:00
don't have time to worry about him at02:40:01
this moment we have plans02:40:03
in about an hour and a half's time all02:40:06
the witches were going down to supper in02:40:08
the dining room right right I said and02:40:11
every one of them has got to be given a02:40:13
dose of mouse maker she said how on02:40:16
Earth are we going to do that02:40:17
Grandma I said I think you were02:40:20
forgetting that a mouse can go places02:40:22
where human beings can't02:40:25
quite right she said but even the mouse02:40:27
can't go creeping around on the tabletop02:40:29
carrying a bottle and split Mouse maker02:40:32
all over the witch's roast beef without02:40:33
being spotted I wasn't thinking of doing02:40:36
it in the dining room I said then where02:40:38
she asked in the kitchen I said while02:40:42
their food is being got ready02:40:45
my grandmother stared at me02:40:47
my darling child she said slowly I do02:40:51
believe that turning you into a mouse02:40:53
has doubled your brain power02:40:56
a little mouse I said can go scuttling02:40:59
around the kitchen among the pots and02:41:00
pans and leave me very careful no one02:41:02
will ever see him brilliant my02:41:05
grandmother Cried Out by Dolly I think02:41:07
you've got it the only thing is I said02:41:10
how will I know which food is theirs I02:41:13
don't want to put it in the wrong02:41:14
saucepan it would be disastrous that I02:41:16
turned all the other guests into my02:41:18
Spanish take and especially you Grandma02:41:21
then you just have to creep into the02:41:23
kitchen and find a good hiding place and02:41:25
wait and listen02:41:27
just lie there in some dark planet02:41:28
listening and listening to what the02:41:30
cooks are saying and then with a bit of02:41:32
luck somebody's going to give you a clue02:41:34
whenever they have a very big party to02:41:36
cook for the food is always prepared02:41:39
separately right I said that's what I'll02:41:42
have to do I shall wait there and I02:41:44
shall listen and I shall hope for a bit02:41:45
of luck02:41:46
it's going to be very dangerous02:41:48
dangerous my grandmother said nobody02:41:49
welcomes a mouse in the kitchen it is if02:41:51
they see you he'll squash you to death I02:41:54
won't let them see me I said don't02:41:56
forget you'll be carrying the bottle she02:41:58
said so you won't be nearly so quick and02:42:00
nippy02:42:01
can run quite fast standing up with a02:42:03
bottle in my arms I said I did it just02:42:05
now don't you remember I came all the02:42:07
way up from the grand High which is room02:42:09
carrying it02:42:10
what about I'm screwing the top she said02:42:12
that might be difficult for you let me02:42:15
try I said I took hold of a little02:42:17
bottle and using both my front paws I02:42:19
found I was able to unscrew the cat02:42:21
parties in it that's great my02:42:24
grandmother said you really are a very02:42:25
clever Mouse02:42:27
her watch at half past seven she said I02:42:31
shall go down to the dining room for02:42:32
supper with you in my handbag I shall02:42:35
then release you under the table02:42:36
together with the precious bottle and02:42:38
from then on you'll be on your own02:42:40
you'll have to work your way unseen02:42:42
across the dining room to the door that02:42:44
leads into the kitchen there will be02:42:46
waitress going in and out of their door02:42:48
all the time you will have to choose the02:42:50
right movement and nip in behind one of02:42:52
them but For Heaven's Sake be sure that02:42:54
you don't get trodden on or squeezed in02:42:56
the door I'll try not to I said and02:42:58
whatever happens you mustn't let them02:43:00
catch you don't go on about it Grandma02:43:02
you're making me nervous you're a brave02:43:05
little fellow she said I do love you02:43:08
what should we do with Bruno bye holster02:43:10
Bruno looked up I'm coming with you he02:43:14
said speaking with his mouth full of02:43:15
banana I'm not going to miss my supper02:43:18
my grandmother considered this for a02:43:20
moment I'll take you along she said if02:43:22
you promise to stay in my bag and keep02:43:24
absolutely silent will you pass through02:43:28
down to me from the table Bruno asked02:43:30
yes she said if you promise to behave02:43:33
yourself would you like something to eat02:43:35
my darling she said to me no thank you I02:43:37
said I'm too excited to eat and I've got02:43:39
to keep fit and frisky for the big job02:43:41
ahead02:43:42
it's a big job all right my grandmother02:43:44
said you'll never do a bigger one02:43:52
in the kitchen02:43:55
the time has come my grandmother said02:43:58
the great moment has arrived are you02:44:00
ready my darling it was exactly half02:44:02
past seven Bruno was in the bowl02:44:05
finishing that fourth banana hang on he02:44:08
said judge a few more bites no my02:44:11
grandmother said we've got to go02:44:13
she picked him up and held him tight in02:44:15
her hand she was very tense and nervous02:44:17
I had never seen her like that before02:44:19
I'm going to put you both in my handbag02:44:22
now she said but I shall leave the class02:44:24
I'm done she popped Bruno into it first02:44:27
I waited clutching the little bottle to02:44:30
my chest02:44:31
now you she said she picked me up and02:44:34
gave me a kiss on the nose good luck my02:44:37
darling Oh by the way you do realize02:44:40
you've got a tail don't you02:44:42
oh what I said I tell you a long curlyDescription:
Would you know a real witch if you saw one? They don't ride on broomsticks. They don't wear black capes or pointy hats. In fact, they don't look like witches at all. But one thing is certain: A real witch is the most dangerous of all living creatures. So you'd better learn to know one when you see one! The young hero of this award-winning story learns that lesson in a hurry when he encouters a whole gruesome gang of them. He'll need all his wits about him to foil their wicked scheme--a dastardly plot to rid the world of children forever! Listen to this story and you'll find out all you need to know. You'll also meet a real hero, a wise old grandmother, and the most gruesome, grotesque gang of witches imaginable! This audiobook was requested by a subscriber! Want to request an out of print audio book? Leave a comment below! Out of Print Audiobooks are only available second-hand, and can be expensive to track down. If you would like to support me, or ensure that one of the requested audiobooks can be obtained and uploaded, please consider contributing to my Ko-fi page! https://ko-fi.com/outofprintaudiobooks Title: The Witches Author: Roald Dahl Narrator: Richard Briers Year: 2001 Complete & Unabridged Out of Print Audio Books More written by Roald Dahl: George’s Marvellous Medicine – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQT41dU9Fw8 Roald Dahl’s Revolting Rhymes - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCyhcb_7qrc The BFG - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj3XrkYjmqE&t=1s
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