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Video tags
Subtitles
Russian
00:00:00
[applause]00:00:03
this is a big00:00:05
terrible situation I just arrived00:00:08
from the train yesterday I wasn’t here00:00:12
today either I wasn’t talking about started00:00:15
telling jokes from the republic00:00:17
they came out in what situation I’m in now I’ll00:00:19
tell the joke adjust already told00:00:22
it’s terrible user tell00:00:24
the joke that just happened00:00:25
tell me in my life I only had00:00:29
such an incident once when they told00:00:32
jokes that everyone knows, it was00:00:34
crazy funny, I and my partner00:00:36
came to perform at the circus and00:00:39
there were already clowns performing and after00:00:42
the performance00:00:43
everyone gathered, about five of us, only00:00:46
one clone was missing whether vekshin he00:00:48
went for a walk with someone there and we sat down in the00:00:51
hotel room, some men began00:00:54
to tell jokes, well, everyone tried00:00:56
to tell what he had just heard,00:00:58
they laughed, it was all funny and a friend00:01:01
knock-knock runs or vekshin one of00:01:05
ours says let's play a prank he00:01:08
really loves telling jokes,00:01:09
now he’ll start telling jokes and we won’t00:01:13
laugh, that’s00:01:14
how he’ll react and it’s so00:01:16
funny from sales and runs away, or how the00:01:20
guys all immediately gave him a glass, he drank so that the00:01:23
world would burn the joke so fast00:01:25
and he started telling us those same00:01:28
jokes that we literally just00:01:31
told, but the worst thing is that he went through the00:01:36
jokes, they tell them badly, but he went through00:01:39
everything the other way around, and00:01:40
the further from the story he told, and we die, and00:01:43
the more we laugh, he gets excited,00:01:47
he is delighted with how we accept00:01:48
him, someone then he goes through the jokes even more,00:01:51
it’s so funny, you00:01:53
can’t imagine how00:01:55
life has never changed, we had one00:01:57
elderly clone for you, he almost died, he was lying on the00:02:00
nicotine and you don’t tell the00:02:03
unnecessary ones, he cried, it’s not necessary or it’s not00:02:05
necessary, that’s what it was I’m not going00:02:08
to tell jokes, I’ll say I00:02:11
came with joy when the world00:02:14
and Banov called, we’ll have a00:02:16
recording of an evening of jokes, so to speak,00:02:19
around laughter, for me the joke is always00:02:22
attractive, I love jokes from00:02:25
childhood and when I00:02:30
came here now I wasn’t even there prepared00:02:33
I don’t know how to somehow get settled here how00:02:36
it was all I’ll tell you that I started00:02:38
collecting jokes they are collecting I’m leaving as00:02:42
they say my cable 1 collects stamps00:02:44
other money and jokes beats write down00:02:48
I remember I remember the very first joke00:02:50
when I was seven years old I didn’t tell us00:02:52
the janitor told the little guys we00:02:55
walked there they have a docker here are the jokes00:02:58
one guy comes in to the master00:03:01
comes out the servant comes out and say how to00:03:05
report to the master he after all report to the master00:03:07
that the colonel has arrived he is running away into the00:03:10
fight pale looking master the admirer has arrived the00:03:15
master has turned pale and I will00:03:17
jump out of the window this joke we00:03:21
laughed until we dropped, I walked around we00:03:23
told everyone in one00:03:25
screen, I laughed, I ran scared funny00:03:28
joke, the floor is a colonel and a dead man, you will find out00:03:30
then I began to write it down, I had a00:03:33
notebook, whatever you say, I was there, I00:03:36
shared notebooks, so I have to00:03:37
lie down with responsibility, they are walking decently on the wrong00:03:41
side lie down an indecent00:03:43
joke, my father loved the joke terribly, he00:03:46
couldn’t and instilled it all in her, it was00:03:48
also his notebook, he kept a00:03:51
black oilcloth notebook in the gymnasium, and he00:03:54
wrote in black ink like that, but literally00:03:57
wrote down a line, one main phrase from the00:04:01
joke, and he already I don’t remember, but00:04:04
then I told him a few, this one you can’t, you’re00:04:06
small, this one can’t be found, and the further00:04:09
I grew, the more he didn’t tell jokes,00:04:11
and in my opinion, when I went into the army, I already00:04:14
knew his entire notebook and mine was worth00:04:18
the notebook, and I would have taken up00:04:20
serving in the army then the war and I00:04:23
brought her studied any well, well now I also00:04:26
thought of course at that time of course a00:04:28
terrible thing sour joke said00:04:31
to know they tell jokes there it is not00:04:34
known what they are not talking about the joke is00:04:36
already because something terrible is already forbidden00:04:38
and besides, I was a fool writing down politically00:04:41
also, well, I did00:04:42
n’t write my name there, everyone and00:04:46
they said that they took someone’s work,00:04:48
they arrested them for them, they give them for political ones,00:04:51
and then they say they’ll force you, they’ll take you away,00:04:54
and according to the book, let’s tell00:04:56
everything on they’re wandering, it’s so scary and everyone’s00:05:01
Khan of you, so I’m here for myself these political ones00:05:04
there I would just lead there later they00:05:07
punched me I wrote down to carry a neutral00:05:10
phrase but for this I came up with my own anecdote00:05:13
that was absolutely not even related to the00:05:16
suddenness of politics and it fit00:05:18
this line and00:05:20
so they would make me weak it didn’t cause00:05:23
anything but they00:05:24
kept the notebook and she00:05:27
helped me after that, when I was writing my00:05:30
book, I wrote epigraphs for me, anecdotes00:05:33
that were suitable for that time, and00:05:34
now in general, a00:05:37
relative was recently asked here00:05:39
six months ago, she conceded to00:05:41
the voters, and what is Nikulin doing with you in the00:05:44
editorial office, he will continue as soon as he tells00:05:47
we have a good joke from the board,00:05:49
we are dying of laughter and now00:05:53
he still doesn’t print print and lights and00:05:54
so I started publishing here little by little00:05:57
from my reserves, these are the selections, which00:06:00
means that three issues have already passed, now the00:06:02
next one will also be I love jokes, you00:06:05
know the joke of them they are they help to live, I00:06:08
think that jokes need to be told,00:06:10
they are told only in the right place, only in the right00:06:13
place, something like this happens and then you00:06:16
need to say or starting with the image,00:06:18
like in that joke, you know, and it00:06:21
helped them in life a lot, I remember00:06:23
once there was the construction of a church, our I00:06:26
I went to one minister very much and I00:06:30
had to knock out, as they say, very00:06:32
important00:06:35
construction materials that I knew were00:06:38
useless, there’s also an earthquake in00:06:41
Armenia, they don’t give anything to anyone, I came like00:06:43
this, they will try to achieve this, I came to him,00:06:47
the world met him very strictly, sit down, then00:06:50
I can know and After all, if you00:06:52
ask me for materials, he wouldn’t be the00:06:55
first one to whom I said no and the league00:06:58
reminds me of Stalin, he even shuddered00:07:01
like steel on or not, we’ll tell you that00:07:03
Stalin also once had a conversation00:07:07
with Churchill on the phone during the war and00:07:10
will help Altai or something on the wire Churchill a00:07:14
drain pipe from the translator and he00:07:17
specifically picks up the phone hello00:07:19
Stalin then there will be no no no00:07:27
no yes goodbye and you can pull it out, they00:07:33
hid it by all means no once - if00:07:36
you give me what you agreed with yes and when00:07:40
he asked me do I hear00:07:43
it well the minister laughed told me00:07:46
another joke we poop in00:07:48
industrial jokes he signed not00:07:49
the materials as an anecdote jokes for me to00:07:51
turn off carry the benefit but in general I00:07:55
use the jokes funny they are funny they00:07:58
have fun when it grows a good joke I am00:08:01
happy to share with my friends I call on00:08:03
the phone I used to be embarrassed to call on00:08:05
the phone and talk on phones, I’ll00:08:08
tell you later, but now it means you can00:08:10
tell now freely, so I’m00:08:12
still collecting, you know, it’s interesting00:08:16
that my main suppliers are taxi drivers,00:08:18
they tell them here dota, it’s not the00:08:21
depths of the earth, I don’t always travel by car, maybe there are00:08:25
guests I'm on somewhere I mean I00:08:28
come and back and00:08:31
a conversation always starts I'll eat what others don't00:08:34
tell but I'm just new to00:08:36
which to carry I haven't even turned it off yet00:08:38
literally they didn't tell you one taxi00:08:41
that the00:08:42
State Council commission goes and looks like00:08:45
pensioners live00:08:47
how they feel00:08:49
how they feel kisses two old women live00:08:53
5050 pensioners they ask how we00:08:56
lived well in a human computer yes00:08:58
yes listen but for a couple you live next to the00:09:01
Dynamo stadium this is already a blessing blessing00:09:07
further on00:09:09
standing drunk stands drunk00:09:12
swaying and nothing he can’t get his friend00:09:15
to put him in the machine, he lowers him, he can’t00:09:19
which he passes by women to beg00:09:20
for he got drunk and also to sit down00:09:25
why it’s better to buy a taxi driver and so the00:09:28
Russian00:09:31
cabal whom00:09:34
we knew00:09:37
[applause]00:09:41
1100:09:43
well, from the drunks I’ll tell you he’s like this today00:09:48
you’ll print it in the light and I don’t know at all,00:09:50
it doesn’t seem to have been printed, but I’ll just tell you00:09:53
how everything works out, psychology and the00:09:56
lives of drunk people, they also enter drunk into a00:09:59
trolley bus, fell on a trawl, they tracked down people00:10:02
going to work, gloomy, they were watching, he entered,00:10:06
disappeared, brothers and00:10:09
chased girls, but without on and didn’t know antique00:10:12
everything to be silent and the00:10:14
sun brings00:10:16
joy to people, but00:10:19
no one can do anything now,00:10:22
you understand that again before Christmas,00:10:25
brothers, but00:10:27
everyone is silent, but she has headphones, then00:10:31
Natalya is here00:10:34
[applause] I’ll00:10:49
also tell you now00:10:54
an anecdote00:10:57
anecdote every pillbox have your own time,00:11:00
you can’t tell about an anecdote if collect00:11:03
everything in the country you can write the history of00:11:06
the country you because no accurately reflect00:11:09
this anecdote which I really00:11:11
liked it is00:11:13
political as a rule practically00:11:16
not witty usually and at the same time00:11:20
patriotic even more not funny00:11:23
usually but here somehow everything came00:11:25
together like that I would have told one taxi driver didn’t00:11:27
remember his number, well, it’s simple, but sometimes00:11:32
I chop up his story from the times when he was in00:11:35
that build-up, imagine00:11:37
when, so to speak, there could00:11:41
have been clashes with America, the build-up of00:11:43
weapons, everything, and during this period00:11:46
an anecdote is told when high00:11:50
almost00:11:52
at the very edge of the sky,00:11:56
two ballistic missiles are flying towards each other at terrible speed, there are00:11:59
no00:12:02
two missiles with huge ones with00:12:06
powerful and nuclear warheads, ours and the00:12:10
American ones, they are flying at terrible00:12:12
speed towards each other, and when00:12:15
they met, they slowed down00:12:17
each missile stopped. and ours00:12:20
ask the American and where are you00:12:23
flying that the00:12:24
American is so greedy for you and00:12:27
where are you he’s mistaken but00:12:31
this one and to us I’m to you00:12:34
bonds someone’s motto I met00:12:37
never saw him those too where the species ours00:12:40
says so with his face on the occasion of a meeting over a00:12:44
glass00:12:45
Americans no, let's have a00:12:48
glass each Americans Pete, listen, I'm00:12:52
busy even talking, I'm too busy to00:12:54
talk to you, then nothing of our two, too,00:12:57
further, may God and father have at least the00:13:01
tragedy that our soul was handed over,00:13:03
let's drink another glass, I cut out the call,00:13:08
let's have them drink glass of00:13:10
American 200:13:12
became gloomy and said, listen, but00:13:15
if00:13:18
I shy away, I’ll die and you, too,00:13:23
will die of ours, what00:13:26
is fish March, you and I will00:13:29
both die, a sacrifice for the repose of00:13:33
our souls, why a glass of David, let00:13:36
them drink the Americans, but I flew off00:13:41
to sort things out and onto the road and the00:13:45
American one, let them drink another00:13:48
glass each, the Americans suddenly turned pale or a00:13:53
little less well sick00:13:55
of life and be afraid, I’ll walk you home00:14:00
[applause]00:14:12
something interesting will come, something00:14:14
colorful, a nasty story, maybe there are00:14:17
some new ones they give me00:14:18
some jokes and it’s strange00:14:22
I’m telling them now fashion would go00:14:24
abstract but it’s a series of people00:14:27
abstract like a gift on a rock abstract00:14:29
they I would look for they’re great00:14:32
witty but they’re from the same country but in00:14:34
general they have humor and yes here are two of00:14:36
them dota00:14:38
told me about diligently the first year00:14:41
such a woman is walking down the street and00:14:45
in my hands I have a bag and in the bag there is a00:14:47
bun the00:14:48
woman is walking she slipped and fell00:14:52
bolts right into the dirt she is standing looking at00:14:54
this bun00:14:56
a man comes up and says00:14:58
lift up God00:15:01
she’s like you you know, she’s all black dirt, and00:15:04
I have a stomach ulcer, they can’t be black00:15:07
[laughter]00:15:12
2 diktat is a00:15:15
woman’s radish trolleybus and she even has a00:15:18
small dog00:15:21
sitting opposite her in her bosom, and an old man picks up his00:15:24
empty pipe and lights a cigarette and00:15:28
does broads, she’s forgotten how to be, stop00:15:31
smoking here I hate the trolleybus00:15:33
when, as I didn’t smoke, you just need00:15:35
to hold your hand and the vessels so it’s not such a00:15:38
habit on which the smell I hate00:15:41
you yourself will choose the mind ideally I take it, because there is00:15:44
no you take it under they won’t remove the annual00:15:46
pipe for you and throws it out the window00:15:49
then the old man is indignant in this dog is00:15:52
not a trap either, she is free to scream, they00:15:54
raise screams and squeals, the00:15:58
trolleybus stops, everyone runs out00:16:01
or sees the dog running in his teeth, he does00:16:04
not have a bank of 1, the00:16:10
image of this person and humor seem to be00:16:13
inseparable, but meanwhile look, this is a00:16:15
serious person, even I would say a very00:16:18
serious person he is the00:16:21
author of one but big and very00:16:24
interesting book from the media point of view,00:16:26
which by the way is called that almost00:16:28
seriously when I came to the circus it was00:16:32
1946, I bought a00:16:36
thick notebook in a square in a food store and decided to00:16:40
write down everything that would be00:16:43
interesting to me and when later I00:16:46
started writing this book for many years, I wrote it for five00:16:49
years,00:16:50
this notebook was very useful to me, I want to00:16:54
read you a few excerpts from this00:16:57
notebook, a00:16:59
column of rips, I came up with a humorous00:17:02
encyclopedia, the church, I liked it with the00:17:06
letter x,00:17:07
hack work,00:17:10
suicide for the purpose of personal gain and00:17:14
to the clown, a00:17:17
fool, professionals00:17:26
clowns Peter I love Lenta Lavrov made00:17:29
a reprise Peter came out with a large roll of00:17:32
paper in his hands what is it you have there00:17:35
Lavrenty asked I drew a wonderful00:17:38
picture of a cow grazing in the meadow but show it00:17:42
Lavrenty asked Peter unfolded the roll00:17:45
and everyone saw a blank sheet of paper00:17:49
so Peter said a cow in the meadow I’m off the00:17:53
grass00:17:54
but I don’t see anything, my partner was surprised,00:17:57
where is the grass, the cow ate the grass, where is00:18:02
the cow, and the cow swept away the grass and left that00:18:06
she would be waiting for you00:18:08
[applause]00:18:09
[music]00:18:12
abstract anecdote00:18:14
why you look so haggard, you00:18:18
know, I came to the hippodrome full of00:18:21
people, my shoelace came undone,00:18:25
I bent down to tie it, and00:18:28
suddenly someone put a saddle on my back,00:18:31
so what, the00:18:33
third one came00:18:40
[applause]00:18:44
one person dials the phone number at three o’clock in the morning, a00:18:47
sleepy voice answers, I’m00:18:50
listening, this is the phone 233 1844 what’s wrong with you I00:18:57
'm out of my mind I don't have a phone at all00:19:00
[music]00:19:05
[applause]00:19:07
you achieved and00:19:09
they said about the illusionist IKEA that all00:19:13
his tricks are connected with hypnosis or00:19:16
Theodore glasses was driving a taxi to the circus the00:19:21
elderly Georgian driver recognized him and asked00:19:24
him they were happy that you and the teaser00:19:28
are true calmly answered Kiev and00:19:31
that means you can motivate me with signs,00:19:35
the taxi driver asked, of course I can,00:19:39
now we’ll drive up to the circus, I’ll give you00:19:42
a ten and you’ll give me change, so hundreds drove up to the00:19:48
circus kill, grinning,00:19:51
handed out a ten, the driver began00:19:54
feverishly counting out tens and fives to him,00:19:58
Teodorovich took the change and got out of00:20:02
the car and went to the driver’s window00:20:04
to return the money, but he, apparently afraid00:20:08
that something else unusual would happen to him,00:20:10
stepped on the gas and drove off.00:20:14
Descendants, after all, the child00:20:17
remembered the car number, but since then, when00:20:21
you removed the taxi, the driver refused to00:20:24
take it they charged him a fee and quickly00:20:27
left00:20:28
[music]00:20:34
today the artist haze came to our makeup room,00:20:38
he looked at how I was making myself out of00:20:42
gum for my big nose and said00:20:46
the answer is in vain putting on makeup00:20:49
performing without any makeup you have this00:20:52
stupid face00:20:55
they asked a crow crow is it true that you have00:21:00
two legs of a crow answered00:21:03
the truth, the truth, especially the right one. The00:21:07
clown Sergei Kulikov00:21:10
told me that immediately after the war, a00:21:14
40-team brigade00:21:19
consisting of three people and one00:21:22
bear traveled around small towns,00:21:23
since there were no cages for the bears and00:21:27
they moved often, before boarding the00:21:31
train they00:21:32
gave the bear vodka.00:21:35
After that, he fell asleep, they put it in00:21:39
a bag and put the car under the bottom00:21:41
bunk,00:21:42
so they transported the bear from the city without any extra costs,00:21:48
the leader of this brigade said smoke00:21:51
the floor, it’s a pity for the bear,00:21:54
they’re drinking themselves with us00:22:04
[music] they00:22:05
write me all sorts of stories, don’t write all sorts of00:22:08
funny stories, funny incidents for00:22:11
example, they didn’t send one signed00:22:14
the letter switchman switchman participant in00:22:18
the war congratulated me on Victory Day it was00:22:20
two years ago and00:22:23
Nikulin Akhmad also says your so to speak your00:22:26
arsenal I want to send an incident that00:22:28
happened at our crossing the00:22:31
road was blocked we lowered the barrier near00:22:34
the barrier a motorcycle stopped with a00:22:37
stroller sitting there, a motorcyclist in the hall, a00:22:40
cart horse arrived,00:22:43
then an00:22:46
elderly man with a goat came up, also waiting for us00:22:49
to pass, and behind us there was a00:22:51
Lada car and there was some00:22:54
woman making a man, the children were standing waiting for the00:22:56
train to come, suddenly the horse began to00:22:59
grab this cartoon sheet by the collar,00:23:02
you are a reminder he cringes, he’s learning, this00:23:06
one lowers the window, the driver of the Lada00:23:08
says yes, and he’ll help, and then along the sea,00:23:11
give the helmet a pointer and00:23:14
hit the horse in the face, the horse reared up, it was back and00:23:18
the cart crashed into the Lada and knocked out all the00:23:21
headlights and boldly into the accordion,00:23:24
screams, screams, what are you doing? did you teach them00:23:28
to shout the line this with the goat deprived them of00:23:31
separating them he tied the goat to the barrier00:23:34
threw them to separate it is good for cows and at that00:23:36
time they raised the barrier00:23:39
the cry was to be screamed for a long time until00:23:43
they lowered it it was very comrade00:23:46
de Boer not funny00:23:48
but really funny you can insert any comedy00:23:51
this guy is such a guy and she was and00:23:53
will laugh so our life is00:23:56
full of such funny things and in general humor00:23:59
helps Jake00:24:02
Javanese or his favorite jokes he is00:24:05
loaded very much he began to forget about but00:24:08
I really like this construction00:24:10
began from one war00:24:13
enjoy dominoes and that's it humanity00:24:16
died and there was only one person left in00:24:20
Africa, it was brought to Africa by one person left00:24:23
and now he is an idiot, everything is torn off and he wants to00:24:27
eat, he wants you as relatives,00:24:30
payback cannot be done anymore, blow up00:24:32
the monkey, do it as it allows you to hit him00:24:37
on the head and killed him and the second monkey00:24:40
something - I put it on, I took away the last00:24:43
person on earth, I'll have to start all over00:24:46
again,00:24:51
the trapDescription:
Анекдоты Юрия Никулина. Сборник выступлений: Вступление. Вокруг смеха (1990) Самый первый анекдот, который услышал Никулин. Вокруг смеха (1990) Тетрадь с анекдотами. Вокруг смеха (1990) Никулин о пользе анекдотов. Вокруг смеха (1990) Поставщики анекдотов. Вокруг смеха (1990) Анекдот про шапку (про таксиста). Вокруг смеха (1990) Непечатный анекдот про пьяного в троллейбусе. Вокруг смеха (1990) Анекдот про советскую и американскую ракеты. Вокруг смеха (1990) Абстрактные анекдоты. Первомайский голубой огонек (1968) Почти всерьез. Вокруг смеха. Выпуск № 15 (1982) Анекдот про обезьян. В мире животных (1991) Анекдот, рассказанный в нужном месте и, главное, к месту, способствует всеобщему хорошему настроению и установлению дружеских отношений, а их рассказчики всегда становятся всеобщими любимцами. Ведь мало знать хороший анекдот, надо уметь его красиво рассказать. Актер театра, кино и цирка Юрий Владимирович Никулин - общепризнанный знаток, коллекционер и рассказчик анекдотов. На сцене концертной студии "Останкино" Юрий Владимирович рассказывает о том, как начал собирать и записывать анекдоты, о том, как анекдоты помогали ему в работе, ну и, конечно, рассказывает эти самые анекдоты. Мы собрали анекдоты, которые в той или иной телепрограмме рассказывал Никулин. Кстати, оказалось, что первые анекдоты наш любимый актер рассказывал много-много лет. В наших архивах сохранилась запись "Первомайского голубого огонька" 1968 года (тогда Огоньки были не только новогодние, а просто праздничные), где Никулин рассказывает "абстрактные анекдоты". Рассказывайте анекдоты, смейтесь и будьте здоровы! ▶Подписаться на "Советский юмор": https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGrvFudvfwDZD88BEzxh3Uw?sub_confirmation=1
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