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стендап
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Василий байдак
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bybyduck
воробушек
инародный театр абсурда воробушек
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абсурдный юмор
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00:00:00
[applause]
00:00:08
[music]
00:00:28
[applause]
00:00:31
snow gather the whole hall
00:00:37
1928
00:00:43
gathered everything
00:00:45
on the shoulder
00:00:47
[music]
00:00:49
don’t make money
00:00:52
don’t eat
00:00:56
I lived on trading
00:01:04
and
00:01:07
a and
00:01:10
Yana [music]
00:01:14
and
00:01:20
[music]
00:01:28
autumn come to life and
00:01:33
this is Vadim
00:01:37
and also
00:01:40
[music]
00:01:50
and
00:01:54
this is
00:01:57
our last
00:02:00
[music]
00:02:01
buy
00:02:08
[music]
00:02:13
[applause]
00:02:16
[music]
00:02:32
and
00:02:33
[music]
00:02:37
now meet the more boring part of
00:02:40
this evening Vasily kayak
00:02:53
there is a
00:02:55
poster with desires hanging above my bed, a visualization map on
00:03:01
it I am lying on the bed and
00:03:04
looked at this poster
00:03:06
in moments like these I feel like the most
00:03:09
self-realized person in the world
00:03:12
[applause]
00:03:18
when as a child I went with my parents to the
00:03:21
sea of
00:03:22
inlet, the iron port of Lebedev, to
00:03:26
they threw a coin to come back
00:03:29
I didn’t throw it,
00:03:31
I collected
00:03:34
it and flew to Turkey
00:03:38
[applause]
00:03:44
I have a lot in the refrigerator at home placebo food
00:03:51
I think it’s healthy and
00:03:54
squash caviar
00:03:57
chips with flavor 17 hryvnia 50 kopecks
00:04:07
when my tooth was loose as a child, my grandfather
00:04:09
tied it by a thread and tied the other end to
00:04:11
the door, he sharply opened the door,
00:04:15
but usually the wrong teeth fell out
00:04:18
because my grandfather could not remember
00:04:20
which side the door opens,
00:04:24
I'm lying in blood without my front teeth,
00:04:27
the tooth is tied behind the door and mom comes and
00:04:29
says what's wrong
00:04:31
with you, why did you tie the tooth by a
00:04:50
thread?
00:04:55
allow yourself to come to the
00:04:57
party of vegetable selectors and
00:05:00
affirm there back and
00:05:04
never allow
00:05:06
anti-vaxxers to come to the party
00:05:13
[applause]
00:05:21
I’m standing on the bus waiting for the stop and
00:05:31
standing on the bus waiting for the stop
00:05:35
a man comes up to me and starts whispering in my ear
00:05:38
says you see that guy I’m telling you
00:05:41
that the guy who is standing on the bus is
00:05:43
waiting for the situation angry yes yes it is Ivan
00:05:46
Palych
00:05:47
you know who it is I say no says Ivan
00:05:52
Palych is very famous in narrow circles
00:05:55
I am talking about you who Magritte I am a narrow circle
00:05:59
Ivan Palych and
00:06:06
I say but you are probably not a mathematician he
00:06:10
says why me I’m saying because you
00:06:12
would know that a narrow circle is an oval
00:06:15
[applause]
00:06:24
[music]
00:06:27
let me explain something to you right away,
00:06:30
watch
00:06:31
your reaction, just
00:06:35
let me explain the concept to you again of
00:06:37
stand-up I’m looking for
00:06:39
1928 spectators in case you forgot,
00:06:42
watch low sobi ticket price
00:06:44
why because I
00:06:48
divided the rent of the hall into the number of seats, rental of
00:06:51
filming equipment, tax to the state and not a word about
00:06:56
money for comedy,
00:07:04
so if you
00:07:06
hear some kind of joke or even a hint of a
00:07:09
joke in a sentence, you accept it
00:07:12
as the greatest indulgent gift
00:07:16
[applause]
00:07:26
because now you they reacted to this
00:07:29
gift even worse than when I, as a child,
00:07:31
really wanted a Tamagotchi for New Year’s,
00:07:33
but I conveyed the desire incorrectly and my
00:07:36
parents gave me a calculator
00:07:39
[applause]
00:07:46
and,
00:07:47
without being confused, I chose the number 7 and began
00:07:50
to grow it, it’s
00:07:58
just that
00:07:59
I’m still filming for YouTube and that’s all and
00:08:11
so good, I don’t want I don’t want the
00:08:13
viewer on YouTube to feel that
00:08:15
you just rejoice in every sentence,
00:08:18
let’s still do something like that no no this
00:08:21
no in you are all fruits wrong you
00:08:23
misunderstood you you are leveling and
00:08:26
all the next comedy which will be
00:08:28
what's happening is you're just a leveler, leave the
00:08:30
youtube viewers and will watch and
00:08:31
think that they're just laughing, fact
00:08:33
means it's something strange, it doesn't
00:08:36
suit me no, you're wrong again, you're wrong, you're
00:08:38
all wrong, you
00:08:40
understand everything wrong, you understand everything wrong,
00:08:42
you're a terrible viewer, but
00:08:45
you're you it’s worse
00:08:49
just for
00:08:51
[applause] the
00:08:53
viewer the viewer has no YouTube enough you’re silent
00:08:57
you’re built you have a veto on screams for the
00:09:00
rest of your life for the rest of your life not mine
00:09:02
and for you too it means so youtube viewers
00:09:05
and if you don’t know in youtube there is such a
00:09:07
rule in the rules there is such a thing in YouTube
00:09:09
should sound in humorous content
00:09:12
joke 1 at 10 seconds
00:09:16
before and
00:09:18
[applause]
00:09:23
it seems to me that
00:09:29
this is a
00:09:33
rule I do
00:09:39
n’t really agree with this rule
00:09:45
if you don’t know then
00:09:48
some YouTube viewers cunning and
00:09:50
YouTube viewer cunning he he even sometimes
00:09:53
told me that some watch
00:09:55
legal content at speed 1 and 5 x
00:09:59
and
00:10:03
I would
00:10:08
really
00:10:12
like
00:10:18
my stand
00:10:21
visual
00:10:23
[music]
00:10:24
tube mo
00:10:28
3
00:10:31
speed
00:10:37
4x and as soon as
00:10:40
we
00:10:48
immediately start fast quickly that so that
00:10:50
he already starts looking for where
00:10:52
fun speed will help, does he really like it, I’m
00:10:55
typing omsa faster typing faster
00:10:56
typing fashion like oh my god oh my God as soon as
00:10:57
he turns on 05 I [ __ ]
00:11:06
on him
00:11:09
and
00:11:11
because you need to keep the YouTube viewer
00:11:14
on their toes actually and as
00:11:16
for you, in fact, you, you
00:11:20
just all chipped in for the rent, and
00:11:27
who is the only one who didn’t chip in for the rent here
00:11:35
[applause]
00:11:38
so now,
00:11:41
unfortunately, you are here only as a voice-over
00:11:45
laugh and
00:11:48
but you will live forever,
00:11:52
unlike you,
00:11:55
your laughter yu tube will live forever,
00:11:58
unlike you,
00:12:05
mom,
00:12:07
mom, but it seems to me or I just
00:12:11
heard grandma laughing at
00:12:16
jokes at jokes about the oval
00:12:22
no son your grandmother never
00:12:26
laughed she was a sweet shower
00:12:31
[applause]
00:12:36
if I were a sculptor I would everyone
00:12:39
the building would be limited by a small trampoline
00:12:41
so that pigeons would fly in their own droppings
00:12:44
[applause]
00:12:49
every 10 seconds
00:12:53
okay okay, when I studied at the Law
00:12:57
Academy named after Yaroslav the Wise in
00:12:59
Kharkov,
00:13:03
you’re also cool, yes, so here I am, well, yes, I’m
00:13:07
actually a lawyer with honors, so
00:13:10
to hell you can applaud because as
00:13:13
you see it is very successful, that’s why it was
00:13:18
difficult for me to become a lawyer in my time because
00:13:20
at that time there were more lawyers in our country
00:13:22
than now third wave coffee shops
00:13:23
smm-box with a MacBook and cheesecake me
00:13:26
and that and I wouldn’t want to be honest I didn’t
00:13:29
want to be a lawyer but my
00:13:32
parents are lawyers lawyers lawyers and
00:13:36
therefore it was useless to argue
00:13:39
it was like a debate between Plato and the
00:13:43
brown bear
00:13:44
but but look there was still an argument at that
00:13:47
time there was still an argument at that time
00:13:50
proverbs so it was the most important
00:13:53
most important argument, that’s why the parents
00:13:55
said, son, we are lawyers, and as you
00:13:58
know, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
00:14:02
if, in general, intelligence, character,
00:14:05
father’s curly hair, grandfather’s pants, I
00:14:08
really inherited Tovkach and in the
00:14:11
profession I have gone so far that it
00:14:14
looks like I was at the Arctic
00:14:16
Antarctic station Academician
00:14:18
Vernadsky
00:14:19
there are two men standing in down jackets
00:14:22
fighting the strong wind, making sure that
00:14:24
polar bears don’t attack, periodically
00:14:26
being distracted by a pair of seals and they are like that, they
00:14:41
went to the apple, but here they do it,
00:14:43
but in general I am very grateful to my
00:14:47
parents for this path because it is
00:14:49
thanks to this that I am here now before
00:14:52
you and I have moved so far from the beginning of
00:14:56
the joke that I will have to repeat it
00:14:59
again, so when I studied at the Vedic
00:15:02
Academy named after Yaroslav the Wise in
00:15:04
Kharkov, we didn’t forget that the concierge
00:15:07
was sitting in the dormitory, the concierge was sitting in the dormitory, and she was
00:15:10
sitting in such a thing, there
00:15:13
was a booth there. square window and she
00:15:15
always sat there and when I passed I
00:15:17
saw her upper torso, I
00:15:20
never saw the lower part, I thought that
00:15:23
instead of legs, that instead of what the lower part,
00:15:26
you want a centaur, I’m straight, I was
00:15:28
sure that it’s a centaur, because here it’s
00:15:30
either a centaur or a mermaid she insisted
00:15:32
confidently, which means it was a solid
00:15:34
horse stance, I especially
00:15:36
look at us, especially since in the background there was always
00:15:38
a guard sitting on his haunches like this, and in
00:15:40
my opinion, if I understand
00:15:42
the perspective correctly, he was sitting right on her
00:15:44
horse’s ass, that’s one hundred percent
00:15:47
one hundred percent centaur because why
00:15:49
else did she forbid smoking near the
00:15:51
dormitory, she
00:15:53
was afraid that the lower part of the
00:15:55
horse’s body would die and
00:16:00
don’t believe me, look well, she is 1000,
00:16:03
she is a billion percent a centaur because
00:16:05
I have never seen Voldemort in the dormitory,
00:16:07
but
00:16:10
you should have seen, you should have seen what he did
00:16:13
with the forbidden unicorn forest, if
00:16:16
the centaur had not let Voldemort within
00:16:19
arm's reach and there was no
00:16:21
Voldemort, you'll look again,
00:16:23
remember when Florence the centaur Florence
00:16:25
saw that he was carrying Harry Potter on his
00:16:28
back,
00:16:30
wounded in the forbidden forest and he was stopped by the
00:16:33
centaur Bane and he says to Florence what are you
00:16:36
doing you're not centaur you are behaving just
00:16:39
like a damned horse nag and the
00:16:43
same love pavlovna the same love
00:16:46
palana happens we will come as lawyers heavy
00:16:49
diplomacy from lectures came there notebooks little
00:16:51
books of the constitution knowledge heavy
00:16:53
we say love pavlovna
00:16:56
please put on your mighty
00:17:06
task not to find the criminal but
00:17:09
to highlight
00:17:13
[applause ]
00:17:18
just before
00:17:23
it happens, we’ll come, you remember there’s still a
00:17:31
5-second pause where we’re like that,
00:17:38
a centaur and she’s 100%
00:17:41
blocks, look, we came, we
00:17:43
came as lawyers with little
00:17:45
Komi diplomats who
00:17:46
had constitutions or a complete
00:17:47
criminal code in their suitcases, they all said this
00:17:49
love pavlovna please or vov
00:17:51
pavlovna for everywhere on your mighty back
00:17:54
love is full our numbers please
00:17:57
love is full and she is burning get away from me
00:17:59
get away you stupid lawyers you think that
00:18:01
everything is allowed for him so that with the
00:18:03
parents prosecutors get out of here and
00:18:05
continue to knit your socks two pairs
00:18:09
two pairs of socks 4 us to 4 us to and we
00:18:12
immediately yeah love fauna knit socks
00:18:16
for yourself for the winter to bite to warm your
00:18:19
hoofs love pavlovna toya grandson then I'm
00:18:23
grandson love pawno and then what do you have
00:18:27
what do you have love full of the same
00:18:29
color socks no one knits their grandchildren
00:18:31
the same color socks they just love it that way
00:18:33
they just love it that way no the love is
00:18:36
complete no one cuts socks for their grandchildren the
00:18:38
same color because if your
00:18:40
children your grandchildren run around in the village they will
00:18:42
fall headfirst into a swamp and they will get stuck and
00:18:44
only their legs will stick out knee-deep like
00:18:47
love by she gets to know someone become 1
00:18:49
Vitalika in red socks who
00:18:51
looked at the apple all day because it can be
00:18:53
funny or Natasha in yellow socks
00:18:55
who all day was a cow nettle
00:18:59
that feel the taste of life and love
00:19:00
Pavlovna
00:19:02
this is one and then this is for grandchildren honestly this is a
00:19:05
lot of love gender it started then us
00:19:08
points without 5 checks or fell she just
00:19:12
two long bags love semi
00:19:15
caught love pavlovna caught
00:19:26
good
00:19:28
good I'm really a grandson
00:19:33
because my grandchildren are pirates and instead of
00:19:37
children's legs they have wooden sticks and these are
00:19:41
really
00:19:42
socks on their wooden rolling pin I
00:19:45
found these children, but in the inlet they
00:19:47
got entangled in seaweed, fought off
00:19:49
crabs and next to it there was a bottle in which there was a
00:19:51
note these are children pirates they sank 17
00:19:54
mattresses if you found them please
00:19:57
take care of them they have a very bad
00:20:00
character because somehow they didn’t
00:20:02
really want kinders and room, so
00:20:04
they exchanged their children’s legs for two
00:20:06
kinders and a rum, and they didn’t want these
00:20:09
kinder and because they collected
00:20:11
hippos, they so wanted this
00:20:12
racer hippo and cook hippo, but they
00:20:16
got the basic ones, these puzzles were
00:20:19
just 2 brown rectangles, they
00:20:23
folded them then they understood that they were the ones who
00:20:25
folded these grooves the wrong way round,
00:20:27
nature turned it upside down there, but the puzzle has already been assembled, there is
00:20:31
nothing, there is nothing, and they have a
00:20:34
terrible bad character, but
00:20:36
the only thing that can somehow
00:20:39
please them, and that is, will you sew them,
00:20:44
knit socks on their wooden rocks
00:20:49
glasses and it doesn’t matter what color because
00:20:51
for them all the colors are the color of the gray future
00:20:57
[applause]
00:21:06
love pavlovna well,
00:21:08
well, I would have said right away they walked under
00:21:11
the floor what is the code recently a lot of people
00:21:15
told me in fact not much and in general
00:21:19
a long time ago one woman didn’t say in
00:21:22
fact, a long time ago it wasn’t even for me, I
00:21:24
overheard a conversation between women and it seems to me that
00:21:26
it was dedicated to me, so one
00:21:28
woman told me not so long ago, Vasily, I
00:21:31
like your humor so much, I really like
00:21:34
your humor because there are no swear words in it, there is no
00:21:38
vulgarity and vulgarity, there is nothing about
00:21:40
politics about this Dina to HIV, you know, and
00:21:42
most importantly, there is nothing in it, no
00:21:47
toilet humor and
00:21:50
I really don’t like
00:21:53
that someone likes my comedy because there is
00:21:56
something missing in it,
00:21:59
I would like someone to like
00:22:02
my comedy because there is something in it
00:22:03
and I have never heard of
00:22:06
someone coming into the bakery and telling us that we
00:22:08
like your croissants so much, there are
00:22:11
absolutely no stones in them,
00:22:13
no crushed stone, no, no components, not even
00:22:17
stones, sand, no, no mold, no worms,
00:22:20
no soil, they are not present in the ground there is no soil there is no
00:22:23
saliva there is no there is no wool we
00:22:26
like ours so much in us there is such savage and
00:22:28
croissants in them there are no traces of violence in them there
00:22:30
are no traces we like it so much we
00:22:32
like your croissants so much there is no
00:22:35
gritty novel in them Kafka's castle really
00:22:37
like this time she gives us something
00:22:39
beautiful scars on my head blues we
00:22:41
like your croissants in them not in the
00:22:43
frame they don’t say no toilet
00:22:46
humor no toilet humor
00:22:48
keep up the good work
00:22:51
the woman says no toilet humor
00:22:53
keep up the good work I hate it
00:22:55
when I have something - then they tell me to do this when they
00:22:58
tell me to do this, I do the opposite
00:23:01
because I am a nonconformist by nature,
00:23:03
this is because I became one because everyone
00:23:06
around me was a conformist, therefore
00:23:12
[applause]
00:23:33
[applause]
00:23:35
pisyun pisyun
00:23:41
and everything is already not the same says
00:23:44
the woman if only not the same one swearing
00:23:45
like a cobbler mission is then 22 letters 2
00:23:48
[ __ ] on the street written on the street in flip-flops
00:23:51
written on the street on flip-flops and one
00:23:52
store small
00:23:58
pisyun
00:23:59
toilet humor was recently in the supermarket you
00:24:03
know why I went for toilet paper
00:24:10
toilet humor and you
00:24:12
know toilet paper in the supermarket an
00:24:15
incredible amount of never in
00:24:18
There is so much toilet paper, single-ply toilet paper,
00:24:22
double-ply toilet paper,
00:24:25
multi-layer toilet paper, like a
00:24:27
sheet of cardboard, they just sell it, it doesn’t
00:24:29
matter, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, or it doesn’t matter, and then I
00:24:32
see
00:24:33
one pack on which it says
00:24:37
finally
00:24:40
with a dissolvable sleeve,
00:24:43
and
00:24:44
I think how exactly the
00:24:48
moment of
00:24:52
appearance of toilet paper will be emphasized soluble sleeves in
00:24:55
my life I’m like, well, when, well, when,
00:25:00
well, when,
00:25:04
finally, because I remember before, you’re sitting
00:25:07
on the toilet, you’re running out of toilet paper,
00:25:11
you’re sitting with this sleeve, well, where should I
00:25:14
really put it, well, where should I put it, you leave the
00:25:17
toilet, you go to the kitchen, though you had to go to
00:25:21
the living room to eat olives, you go to
00:25:23
the kitchen, open the cabinet, take out a bucket,
00:25:26
throw this sleeve
00:25:29
back into the bucket, close the cabinet and the
00:25:31
worst thing is that this sleeve takes up
00:25:34
space, it takes up the place of the next piece of
00:25:36
garbage and so you stand with a banana
00:25:38
peel that doesn’t fit in
00:25:41
this is garbage you think, but where is it now
00:25:43
children, that banana peel, well, where
00:25:46
will this banana peel go, you start a new bag,
00:25:48
throw it there and then
00:25:51
the sleeve appears again, displaces 2 skins and this is just
00:25:54
such a process and I started I think, well, what to
00:25:56
do, well, what to do, you can squeeze the sleeve
00:25:59
will take up less space, but this way
00:26:01
the power is wasted and who will then
00:26:03
replenish it, who will then replenish it then
00:26:05
this force, and especially since the sleeve can
00:26:08
cut the package, then it will be a total
00:26:09
disaster; at
00:26:16
home I painted shoes under the carpet in the closet
00:26:20
the dog anywhere simple made
00:26:24
vases made from these here that once you get here you
00:26:27
should understand that I’m already a married
00:26:29
man I’m already a married man and that’s why
00:26:31
we again applaud the fact thank you
00:26:36
I’m a married man and you should understand
00:26:38
that this is already a different life because
00:26:40
Lisa constantly comes and says
00:26:43
Vasya ointment and would pull the whole house in that
00:26:48
nod, open the closet to get out your
00:26:52
fashionable Martins and toilet rolls posts from the
00:26:57
movie The Mummy but didn’t go to the bushing
00:27:01
they are everywhere why don’t you just
00:27:03
throw them out I say Well, what kind of things do you throw out?
00:27:05
It will displace the banana skin and then
00:27:08
that’s all and it will be Kent essence, just
00:27:10
a name and we won’t be able to survive even and
00:27:13
it’s burning, well, why didn’t you say right away,
00:27:16
let’s hide our hands, let’s hide them
00:27:20
like ours, in everything new, they are everywhere
00:27:24
these bushings are everywhere these bushings are in
00:27:26
your pockets they are in the pockets of these talk they are
00:27:28
everywhere and it’s a bummer we’ll come up with something and
00:27:32
I’m saying there’s no way your voice is
00:27:37
playing and they didn’t
00:27:39
warn you they didn’t warn you and that’s
00:27:41
another thing the dissolvable bushing mud
00:27:45
magic it’s just not there and that’s it
00:27:50
[applause]
00:27:58
this soluble sleeve was missing for
00:28:03
Yanukovych
00:28:07
[applause]
00:28:11
on the run Mezhigorye in a dressing gown
00:28:15
runs near the lake throwing these cardboard
00:28:18
sleeves trying to drown in the lake they don’t
00:28:21
sink red blend why do these cardboard
00:28:24
sleeves
00:28:25
cardboard sleeves from this official
00:28:28
information not drown in the lake why
00:28:32
cardboard ones bushings that can
00:28:34
somehow compromise me
00:28:37
scan pro
00:28:39
mentality by pulling they don’t sink like lightning, if
00:28:43
only now soluble bushings well
00:28:46
somehow, when already when soluble
00:28:49
so that I’m clean and then Yanukovych we see
00:28:53
him running and he’s trying to drown these
00:28:55
cardboard bushings and who is saying this
00:29:05
and
00:29:06
it’s me what are you doing here anyway who are you what are
00:29:09
you doing here and here I have
00:29:12
a gun in my hand I’m pointing at Yanukovych
00:29:15
yeah I got caught I’m in pain I caught Yanukovych all the
00:29:18
same yes I caught Yanukovych I caught
00:29:21
Yanukovych listen what if I hear you
00:29:25
that means you’re in my head, that means
00:29:27
I have a gun too, and then the gun appears
00:29:30
in Yanukovych’s hand, yellow,
00:29:32
you comment on everything and then he appears,
00:29:34
the gun appears in Yanukovych’s hand, he puts
00:29:37
it in his mouth and says, you know, this is not
00:29:40
my head, this is our head and a
00:29:42
bullet fires hits me in the head,
00:29:45
I give it to him dead, but Yanukovych
00:29:47
has a shot in the throat, blood gets
00:29:50
on his dressing gown,
00:29:51
Marla Singer runs up to him, he doesn’t speak, you know, you and I
00:29:55
met in a very strange period of
00:29:57
our lives, and then somewhere here,
00:30:00
skyscrapers are exploding for the quartermaster, they
00:30:03
looking out the window
00:30:09
all May May
00:30:13
[applause]
00:30:29
if suddenly a lung falls on someone, you
00:30:32
will know
00:30:35
it will hang on the trachea, just
00:30:37
pull it, it will fall and everything will be
00:30:39
great,
00:30:42
I just like it, I like it very much,
00:30:45
your reaction to fight club, but it
00:30:46
seems to me that it’s not everyone found out about Lucia in the
00:30:50
final scene of Fincher's film based on
00:30:53
Palahniuk's book Fight Club and
00:30:56
honestly it scares me a little because
00:30:59
I was just betting on the fact that all of you in
00:31:03
the hall watched the film Fight Club
00:31:05
a lot and so
00:31:06
that they understand today the whole stand-up
00:31:10
will end with an allusion to another scene from the
00:31:13
movie fight club which is also
00:31:16
less familiar and I thought that if you didn’t
00:31:19
recognize the final one many of you then
00:31:25
what did I do oh
00:31:29
damn what should I do and why did I
00:31:32
reschedule this stand-up twice
00:31:36
I hoped that everyone would already see I
00:31:39
launched an advertisement that was given on social
00:31:42
networks they advertised the film Fight
00:31:44
Club and
00:31:45
I apparently set it up incorrectly, or that
00:31:48
people also came across not a Fincher film based on the
00:31:51
book by Palahniuk Fight Club, but a
00:31:53
humorous program of dubious
00:31:56
quality
00:31:57
on channel 1 Fight Club
00:32:02
is even scarier, because it’s scarier than if
00:32:05
you don’t recognize this scene if I
00:32:08
finished a stand-up and you come out like this and you
00:32:12
understand the illusion,
00:32:14
then the allusion to Uncle Zhora’s performance in the
00:32:16
fight club is
00:32:19
coming, I knew that he loved him, well, just
00:32:23
end the stand-up with an allusion to
00:32:25
Uncle Zhora’s performance, these are
00:32:29
people who are already coming out because we will all
00:32:33
tolerate such people, but not the illusion on Uncle Zhora
00:32:37
we don’t want to be hostages
00:32:40
[applause]
00:32:51
just left worse
00:32:54
just leaving
00:32:57
that a wounded man a wounded man
00:32:59
is lying down a wounded man is
00:33:02
bleeding and people are so
00:33:08
interesting
00:33:11
[applause]
00:33:19
okay improvisation
00:33:22
hello what’s your name fashion man
00:33:24
Kirill
00:33:26
[laughter]
00:33:28
[applause]
00:33:30
girl hello what's your name what are
00:33:34
they
00:33:37
who do you work she's a
00:33:41
sound engineer
00:33:43
[music]
00:33:48
no prospects sorry I don't
00:33:51
know where to build there they don't have any in terms of
00:33:54
profession it's a very company profession
00:33:55
great no mania of humor water who
00:33:57
thinks he has a unique interesting
00:34:00
profession you're welcome please
00:34:04
unemployed what what
00:34:07
again you just fall
00:34:11
to
00:34:13
what what public catering
00:34:18
what the
00:34:21
obse pit and such an abbreviation what
00:34:24
time is awesome time is encrypted or or this
00:34:26
or this is what we think that
00:34:31
what you do
00:34:33
you sell toilets
00:34:35
get to know
00:34:37
what will hook you
00:34:40
okay good
00:34:42
man that’s all the same where do you work I
00:34:47
'm focusing on you what's your name
00:34:49
Nikita where do you work
00:34:53
you work from home IT specialist and a
00:34:56
company like
00:34:59
forex forex
00:35:03
software and rex like
00:35:07
Vasya only
00:35:09
Vasya
00:35:10
forex and what's your name again Nikita you
00:35:14
know some kind of joke
00:35:22
just those that I Nikita told
00:35:26
people,
00:35:29
can you go on stage from the simple ones,
00:35:32
maybe
00:35:43
the simple one,
00:35:46
I have already lost the trust of the audience or
00:35:50
answered in one gulp, well, yes, but you told
00:35:54
your joke about the fact that she also came in well, I
00:35:59
wouldn’t mind the reception I’ll tell you, I’ll
00:36:02
tell you where I’ll
00:36:03
just be great, you’ll continue
00:36:05
it’s written in a complex way
00:36:07
but it’s not a joke for everyone but
00:36:12
[applause]
00:36:18
let’s finish with this
00:36:27
you know I
00:36:31
generally like to give mixed emotions to
00:36:34
my friends
00:36:37
[laughter]
00:36:41
sometimes I take 45 hryvnia in an envelope and not
00:36:46
just follow me not there very important good
00:36:49
ICAS very important envelope box this is
00:36:51
very important it will happen at least once again just
00:36:54
clearly so Nikita you are great
00:36:58
[applause]
00:37:00
[music] [applause]
00:37:04
I like to give mixed emotions to my
00:37:07
friends
00:37:08
sometimes I take 45 hryvnia, pack it in a
00:37:11
box and send it in a new mail,
00:37:17
I note that the recipient pays
00:37:20
[applause]
00:37:29
I just also these I already told jokes
00:37:33
on another project and you sign and according to the
00:37:35
contract I don’t have the right to say, well,
00:37:38
you
00:37:40
[applause]
00:37:50
if you remove the cross from the crucifix
00:37:54
[applause]
00:37:56
it will seem that Jesus is just glad to
00:38:00
see you all
00:38:02
[applause] he
00:38:18
stood up a little more carefully and warm floors
00:38:22
forgot cold streams
00:38:27
died tornado
00:38:30
[applause]
00:38:38
my
00:38:41
[applause]
00:38:50
I'll warn you
00:39:08
[applause]
00:39:26
you know what
00:39:29
sunglasses and a woman have in common,
00:39:32
they both fit perfectly on the face
00:39:40
thank you very much it was Nikita go
00:39:45
forex IT company Boeing
00:39:49
[applause]
00:39:59
all that I needed it just as
00:40:02
a contrast,
00:40:05
so in the hostel you
00:40:07
couldn’t want it after ten o’clock in
00:40:10
the evening,
00:40:11
so we ran in and
00:40:15
heard the guests in the back
00:40:20
[applause]
00:40:31
the carpet went
00:40:38
arrows
00:40:41
[applause]
00:40:51
[music]
00:40:57
how I hate my job
00:41:01
as a concierge,
00:41:03
it’s not like Nikita
00:41:09
will work as an IT specialist
00:41:16
you know what the
00:41:20
sunglasses and Nikita have in common
00:41:28
[applause]
00:41:31
looking for the wonderful thing for the hostel all the
00:41:36
freshness of the bars no one will hear
00:41:39
I’ll go up to the roof and watch the
00:41:43
behavior of retrograde mercury I
00:41:48
wonder when mercury is retrograde
00:41:52
who he blames when he throws in deadlines
00:42:02
but that’s later for
00:42:05
now
00:42:10
[applause]
00:42:44
[applause]
00:42:52
I don’t understand why
00:42:55
you’re applauding, I’m not
00:42:58
a mystery to me, it’s not just that I drank
00:43:01
or
00:43:05
or you liked about the centaur,
00:43:11
you just liked it better that I drank, but
00:43:15
okay, nonconformists quotas,
00:43:21
love is full, you’re still a centaur, yes, I’m
00:43:26
still a centaur, but I’m I was also right in
00:43:28
part, I mean, there are my grandchildren
00:43:35
[applause]
00:43:38
grandma
00:43:40
in science
00:43:41
[applause]
00:43:47
grandma says dance the public let's rock
00:43:55
you chicks
00:44:00
[applause]
00:44:21
dear youtube administration
00:44:24
not only were there no jokes ten
00:44:28
seconds a thousand times and at some point I
00:44:30
thought that I saw it switched to 10
00:44:34
o’clock the sounds of rain
00:44:36
I’m very pleased with the
00:44:39
smiley face Rama or Krishna or
00:44:48
Plat that came, in fact,
00:44:50
I’m very grateful to you for
00:44:52
coming, thank you very much, this has been going on for
00:44:55
two years now and it’s finally
00:44:58
come true, I’m very
00:45:02
grateful to you for your support and for the fact that you
00:45:06
love autumn stand-up, thank you so much
00:45:10
and please tell me
00:45:14
who was here thinking because after who is
00:45:17
here because I thought that I would just be
00:45:20
in trousers on my bare torso for an hour
00:45:22
running for something there
00:45:24
are people like oh well who thought that I would
00:45:27
count it’s just 100 thousand, there are
00:45:30
a lot of
00:45:32
relatives, friends and acquaintances here, I really
00:45:36
want everyone to like it right away, I want to
00:45:38
tell some kind of joke so that
00:45:40
everyone gets it, so that everyone is happy,
00:45:42
so let’s ask him now, just
00:45:46
tell me about you all together tell me an
00:45:47
observational comedy about school
00:45:52
I really really want everyone to like it,
00:45:55
please tell me what else can I
00:45:56
tell you about
00:45:57
[music]
00:46:00
God, what a stupid choice, the whole world is in front of you
00:46:04
in a stupid observational comedy,
00:46:06
do you want some stupidity, a little about school, I
00:46:09
went to school and
00:46:15
we studied such pancakes too, we like it,
00:46:20
okay, you colleagues themselves chose
00:46:22
observations about school well when I was studying
00:46:26
how much it was we had a lesson that we didn’t
00:46:31
really like because we knew that it would
00:46:32
n’t be particularly useful to us in life it was a
00:46:34
music lesson and
00:46:36
who else had a music lesson were
00:46:40
let me already I’ll already ask I’ll drag
00:46:43
it I’ll ask you not to turn a little
00:46:47
when I learn something into an ovation, I just
00:46:50
hear your first clap and that’s
00:46:51
enough because there’s no need to
00:46:53
turn the sounds of rain again on youtube,
00:46:56
he’s the one who had a music lesson in
00:46:58
[applause]
00:46:59
this one was not quite understood clap
00:47:02
and that's enough who else had a music lesson
00:47:05
class and
00:47:10
physics lessons
00:47:11
[applause]
00:47:14
how fast how compact how fast the
00:47:17
modern world is good and who didn't have
00:47:20
music lessons and you see you don't even
00:47:23
clap clearly you just do
00:47:25
n't fumble
00:47:29
[applause]
00:47:30
people who studied music they are still
00:47:33
who had a music lesson and who didn’t
00:47:38
have music lessons clap still from
00:47:42
now you see
00:47:44
your I found
00:47:47
uneducated spoon to but who had a
00:47:49
lesson malat swooping who didn’t have a
00:47:51
music lesson explained what it is this is a
00:47:53
change this is here is a music lesson and and I did
00:47:57
n’t really like our music lesson
00:47:59
because our teacher played all the music
00:48:02
on the button accordion and and so that you understand how
00:48:05
music on the button accordion sounds, this is if a bear
00:48:07
swallowed a turned on tape recorder on
00:48:09
which it would constantly play for closer not that’s the
00:48:13
terrible sound terrible sound before
00:48:17
swallowing, so look and and what I
00:48:21
want to say is that many people are now saying, well,
00:48:22
you know, we really like the game of
00:48:26
squid, a great series who watched the
00:48:28
game of squid, well, you see and they
00:48:31
like it, it’s such a horror drama horror
00:48:34
drama reprisals of one social class
00:48:36
against others love it, so music lessons are
00:48:39
even worse because ignore the
00:48:42
concept of school for a second, abstract at
00:48:45
the same time in different parts of the city
00:48:47
children wake up, parents feed them,
00:48:51
dress them in the same clothes and through the whole
00:48:54
city until dawn in winter they are led to one
00:48:58
gray room where they are sorted by
00:49:01
class and above they are dominated by one
00:49:04
woman who is much older and bigger than
00:49:07
them and she says and now the children are all mine
00:49:12
and you must understand that singing is not
00:49:14
given to everyone, but she doesn’t care, she doesn’t care, she
00:49:19
says we’ll all sing and the draw of
00:49:22
the commission begins here, clear you but at least
00:49:27
wolves collect money
00:49:29
and
00:49:30
come out
00:49:31
[applause]
00:49:32
walkie-talkie
00:49:39
4
00:49:41
Lenochka as usual
00:49:44
523
00:49:46
angry you sing terribly disgusting you
00:49:51
should never sing at all never
00:49:55
open your mouth and don’t let the words
00:49:57
go to music but now I want
00:50:00
you to sing by yourself in front of the whole class
00:50:04
get up so
00:50:06
come on I want you to sing in front of the whole
00:50:09
class so that we can hear it and get a
00:50:12
bad example, let’s sing one, two, three,
00:50:16
go no, bad, nich yaka misyachna, one,
00:50:20
two, three, go, do
00:50:23
n’t tell the class, let him suffer
00:50:28
this fool, let’s nich, yaka misyachna, Zorina
00:50:31
clear belt she said
00:50:37
you never need to sing, sat down
00:50:41
and never sing again, but tomorrow you
00:50:43
will come and sing again, sing again,
00:50:46
this is worse than playing squid, much
00:50:48
worse than squid winds, but I
00:50:51
loved music lessons very much because
00:50:54
music lessons taught us classical
00:50:56
music and legs and now the adult
00:50:58
generation says we hate this
00:51:00
modern music we despise modern music we
00:51:03
hate and what’s there
00:51:07
all the same and three words all the
00:51:09
same chairs at another time
00:51:10
classical music was great
00:51:12
I’ll tell you that classical music is
00:51:15
many times worse because there even there are no words and
00:51:19
there I will tell you now I was in a
00:51:21
music lesson I learned what
00:51:24
classical music is, let's take the example of
00:51:26
Edvard Grieg from the series of the Mountain King
00:51:30
for the opera Peer Gynt pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu
00:51:40
pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu and
00:51:43
so on 5000 times that's it all classical
00:51:49
music what's the trick the zest just
00:51:52
raises or lowers the key oh pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
00:52:00
pa pa
00:52:14
[laughter]
00:52:26
[music]
00:52:28
[laughter]
00:52:36
and
00:52:41
just ultrasound bursts
00:52:45
deaf windows there are dogs who don’t understand
00:52:48
where the ultrasound comes from a bat poops upside down
00:52:51
on itself and horror
00:52:54
produces horror-horror-horror I don’t live for and
00:52:57
as soon as this happens it immediately
00:52:58
what does a sharp surprise to everyone ukuku pu pu pu
00:53:01
pu pu pu pu and so again and so again
00:53:05
here is all the classical music
00:53:07
disgusting but I really liked it,
00:53:09
really liked how our teacher it
00:53:12
was actually so aesthetically
00:53:13
pleasing it was when she took out the
00:53:15
record she wiped the dust and there wasn’t a
00:53:17
small portable player, she
00:53:19
put it there, erected a needle, and
00:53:23
the most beautiful thing was watching
00:53:26
her play out
00:53:29
all the music with her facial expressions
00:53:38
[music]
00:53:48
[music]
00:53:54
[laughter]
00:54:08
pupa
00:54:10
pupa pupa pupa fart-blow
00:54:18
-buk-buk-buk
00:54:24
[music]
00:54:28
ass fart pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu
00:54:34
and so we go out and walk down the
00:54:37
corridor with the whole class pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu
00:54:42
lover's pu pu
00:54:44
pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu
00:54:48
pu and we lead down the corridor pu pu pu pu pu pu
00:54:50
pu we go down the spiral staircase
00:54:53
under putu cube cube cube and it’s not dangerous
00:54:56
sweat and we go down lower and lower
00:54:59
pu pu pu and we go in to the basement and there then
00:55:02
tofu we just gorge ourselves on tofu with vegetarian
00:55:07
cheese which is absolutely tasteless but
00:55:09
absolutely free we adored it right in the
00:55:13
cave of the mountain king and majira sheets
00:55:17
we had all our bellies stuffed with bellies and were
00:55:20
lying around in this dirt in the basement with cheese
00:55:23
our teacher was just [ __ ] full of cheese
00:55:26
well everyone there was lying around puffing
00:55:29
memory machines and mold fungi in the dust and when
00:55:32
someone stood up and said I’ll probably go
00:55:34
and heat it up,
00:55:36
she moved the record to the other side of
00:55:39
the winder and another song by Edvard
00:55:43
Grieg sounded in the morning and she quickly ran from the door,
00:55:46
opened the door like that, a beam there in fluff
00:55:49
of the sun the darkness was cut and goes
00:55:53
ururu ururu
00:55:55
and we went out for recess just on the
00:55:58
downbeat
00:56:02
and still you walk 9 what’s wrong with you and we
00:56:06
and we came out proud how we
00:56:09
ascended we said we are full of tofu and
00:56:13
tofu has the properties of taking on thick
00:56:16
food that serves it and we are now
00:56:19
planning tofu and tofu marinated in
00:56:22
classical music
00:56:25
here's a
00:56:27
comedy observation wanted on copper
00:56:31
observations
00:56:33
[applause]
00:56:42
what a pity that I can't play the guitar
00:56:47
[applause]
00:57:10
thank you very much for the warm
00:57:11
welcome I would really like to share
00:57:13
some and walls that bother me very
00:57:15
much, but so you understand
00:57:18
now comedy is in a situation where
00:57:20
comedians are being persecuted because
00:57:23
their jokes are being cut
00:57:25
out of the general context and that’s why there were
00:57:29
even incidents when a garage or he was
00:57:31
thrown to the ground and he was hit with zilch or
00:57:34
gas spray can for the fact that he joked
00:57:35
about a traditional family and about Margaret
00:57:38
Thatcher, comedians are persecuted for pies and
00:57:41
this is terrible, but I would also like to share
00:57:45
with you some true ones. I’m not afraid, in
00:57:47
fact, I’m not afraid that they will recognize me, that
00:57:50
my joke then stop guitar don’t play
00:57:54
will be cut out of context and will be shown
00:57:58
and that then I will be pursued and an
00:58:00
absolute brave comedian and so now
00:58:02
I
00:58:03
want to share some and walls
00:58:08
play guitar and
00:58:11
[music]
00:58:13
I also invited the guitarist you can
00:58:16
come out
00:58:17
[music]
00:58:21
[applause]
00:58:25
the guitarist will be open your mouth as if
00:58:27
it were him telling this joke and this truth,
00:58:30
it’s such a joke and the cameras are only filming
00:58:32
him, they’re filming me in general,
00:58:34
that’s the true one, best of all, coming from
00:58:38
that’s why
00:58:42
I really want
00:58:44
all online bets online casinos to disappear from the world,
00:58:48
rotting stinking down there canvases
00:58:52
[applause ]
00:58:53
[music]
00:59:01
you can
00:59:03
[music]
00:59:06
once to nevian 100 grams was written by a
00:59:08
woman, don’t want to advertise our
00:59:10
online casinos so as not to tell what kind of
00:59:12
casino it is, I call him Leru, I’m 2nd kind,
00:59:15
here it is, it’s on fire, everything is just you post a
00:59:19
link to which if people
00:59:21
play then you earn thirty-five
00:59:23
percent of their loss I was
00:59:27
very angry and I said well I agree
00:59:30
but only if I also say this text
00:59:33
you know online casinos are a terrible system
00:59:36
and it is aimed at making you
00:59:38
lose completely if you play something this is
00:59:40
only a fleeting attraction and in
00:59:43
long-distance games you will
00:59:45
lose, your friends will abandon you,
00:59:47
your relatives will give up on you from work,
00:59:49
look like they are threaded, they will take away your volume
00:59:51
and then you will die on the street, freezing and
00:59:55
hiding behind only 1 newspaper on which it
00:59:57
will be written play our online
00:59:58
casino
01:00:00
but if you still want to
01:00:04
play
01:00:06
then please play through my link
01:00:09
because I will earn thirty-five
01:00:11
percent of your loss that is 30
01:00:14
percent of your death and
01:00:21
the woman said
01:00:23
well you know your audience better
01:00:31
[laughter]
01:00:34
[music]
01:00:35
if online casino this style daytime
01:00:38
girlfriend in the rows always ugly
01:00:40
girlfriend micro loans and I very much
01:00:43
believe that when Sergei Babkin
01:00:46
advertised microloans like this, probably
01:00:48
because they found people veiled
01:00:51
very strong cunningly in his surnames words
01:00:53
folders and someone will come up to him and say
01:00:56
Sergei but I love your work so much, you are
01:00:59
such a nice, kind person, most
01:01:01
likely you just didn’t know what was in the wall of the cruise
01:01:03
and we are aimed at getting all the
01:01:06
clients’ money quickly using the method of blackmail,
01:01:10
intimidation and fine print, and what’s worse is that
01:01:12
they are targeting the most vulnerable
01:01:15
segments of the population and Sergey Babkin will say yes,
01:01:18
oh, forgive me, please, but I didn’t know, it’s not
01:01:20
just that I was busy, I
01:01:22
’ll never do this again
01:01:23
when this person comes up to the tracing paper of
01:01:25
Polyakova, who also advertises
01:01:26
microloans, and will tell the same thing, and
01:01:29
Olga Polyakova will say, I know
01:01:31
[music]
01:01:36
[laughter]
01:01:38
[music]
01:01:44
I think that all
01:01:46
petting zoos and dolphinariums should disappear and
01:01:49
hunting should be banned;
01:01:54
many people say that petting zoos
01:01:57
are freedom for animals; I’ve never
01:01:59
seen a person leave a
01:02:00
petting zoo and a raccoon like that, I’m the boss,
01:02:05
we should go, don’t ban hunting for us
01:02:08
we need to approach the hunters and simply
01:02:10
explain to them what the problem is, we need to
01:02:12
understand that they, as it were, have
01:02:14
saved the Kulan and the desire for dominance from
01:02:16
nature and this of
01:02:17
their forefathers, and we just need to approach
01:02:21
it and speak to them in a common language
01:02:22
so that they understand us we need to go up
01:02:26
to them and say
01:02:34
sorry, I just said something
01:02:36
on anti-vaccination
01:02:38
[music]
01:02:44
between
01:02:45
[music]
01:02:51
she actually you understand that the world
01:02:53
can’t hide behind this you
01:02:56
think it’s true so I’m
01:02:58
absolutely not afraid now I’ll even tell you
01:03:00
my truth, which I think is one
01:03:04
that many people don’t agree with, but I
01:03:07
’ll tell it, don’t play, please, but not
01:03:11
forever, it’s all just the truth, it
01:03:14
really
01:03:16
bothers me a lot,
01:03:18
I think it’s very unfair to
01:03:27
us to see matches or need fire but on another
01:03:30
subject,
01:03:32
and by the way, I think that 10 shows is the most
01:03:35
low-grade humor that a
01:03:37
child or even a dog can write
01:03:40
[applause] [music]
01:03:55
we need to treat homeless
01:03:57
people better who are weaker than us people who
01:04:00
need help get wet we need to
01:04:02
adhere to human rights respect
01:04:04
rights people, regardless of their
01:04:06
age, gender, nationality and
01:04:08
religion, and what is very important now,
01:04:11
orientation and most importantly, whether the person played
01:04:14
Dota or not, and
01:04:17
there is one person, many believe
01:04:20
that he is real, but I think that he is just a
01:04:23
fiction, but nevertheless, this is a person
01:04:25
who lives by to the affirmation of each of
01:04:28
us in the heart, he said one great
01:04:30
phrase that I think will help us
01:04:32
all,
01:04:33
just let love into your heart,
01:04:37
she already
01:04:39
knows what to do next
01:04:43
[music]
01:04:45
[applause]
01:04:46
[music]
01:04:49
this professor Dumbledore was a great man
01:04:54
[applause]
01:04:56
[music]
01:05:03
[music]
01:05:23
[applause]
01:05:55
everyone has moments when you are sad and it is
01:05:59
very important to
01:06:01
always find joy and have fun and
01:06:05
find support who will support you and no,
01:06:08
sometimes you are sad, it’s
01:06:10
okay because there is a person nearby who will
01:06:11
always support if I’m
01:06:13
sad and lonely I’m always I called a
01:06:15
private bank and
01:06:17
there are always people who will listen to
01:06:20
anything, the main thing is to end the conversation
01:06:23
before they say that the only
01:06:25
way out of your situation is a VIP client card. I
01:06:30
recently called a private bank and there was no
01:06:33
need to increase the credit limit
01:06:35
because I really wanted one
01:06:37
startup to launch you know there is coffee that
01:06:39
go coffee with you and I came up with friend to
01:06:42
go this is when you understand you don’t need to go
01:06:44
to the metro she comes in to communicate with anyone
01:06:46
something similar to coffee shops you choose a
01:06:47
person like in the sims and
01:06:49
you communicate with him like a friend, then you get to
01:06:51
the metro, crumpling it up, throwing it into a trash can and then they
01:06:53
make notepads out of it, so they didn’t
01:06:57
increase my credit limit, they didn’t increase it,
01:06:59
but
01:07:00
Vitaly, the operator of Privatbank
01:07:04
says
01:07:05
Vasily, would you like to increase your
01:07:08
security as a client,
01:07:11
I think it’s like becoming a client of another
01:07:15
bank or
01:07:18
not Vasily, what are you looking at, we
01:07:23
have now launched one such thing, identification
01:07:26
by voice, identification by voice, the
01:07:29
next time you call
01:07:31
our smart computer, what is there to say,
01:07:34
artificial intelligence reads your
01:07:36
voice and we will know that you are calling us,
01:07:41
what are you this it’s you
01:07:46
I’m saying how do you know that now
01:07:50
I’m me and
01:07:54
Vitaly Sins no no no this is a question for
01:07:57
your psychoanalyst this is not for me I’m
01:08:00
just Vitaly the operator of
01:08:02
Privatbank and so Vasily
01:08:04
please tell me your name
01:08:07
here it was not difficult I say Vasily
01:08:11
he says yes
01:08:15
Vasily, please tell me your last name,
01:08:19
baydak,
01:08:21
is your patronymic, Vasily Vasilyevich,
01:08:26
is your date of birth, Vasily 14 0 1
01:08:31
91
01:08:34
Vasily, and you will answer like this
01:08:37
in the sense that you will answer 13 1 91
01:08:40
because usually everyone answers completely
01:08:42
January 14,
01:08:44
1991, well, let me answer completely
01:08:47
in January 14, 1991 not not Vasily, but you
01:08:50
just need to understand because you
01:08:52
often wrote down Taras again you
01:08:54
can abbreviate it in 14 1 91 but I immediately
01:08:57
said abbreviated you said that it doesn’t
01:08:58
fit anywhere that doesn’t fit
01:08:59
just suddenly you tell me how everything is
01:09:01
completely January 14, 1991, well, let
01:09:05
me say it again, the opinion is impossible because you
01:09:07
need to choose one option, because our
01:09:08
smart computers persuade artificial
01:09:10
intelligence to remember only one of your
01:09:12
options, so now lay it out, tell me
01:09:14
clearly, please, the date of your birth,
01:09:19
winter 91
01:09:23
Vasily, very funny, but please
01:09:25
please answer since it is necessary because
01:09:28
ours where I understood well 14 0 1
01:09:32
1991 Vasily this is already the fourth option
01:09:34
listen to what you need is just
01:09:36
write down one option as you need to say it
01:09:38
and you just say it, write it down in your
01:09:40
notebook or on your phone and say so in
01:09:42
mono bank
01:09:52
that Vasily, I'm sorry, she's a mono bank, a
01:09:55
mono ATM bank, this is a mantra that
01:09:58
helps speed up all processes
01:10:01
[applause]
01:10:06
in Privatbank
01:10:11
Bastille, I understood everything, thank you very much,
01:10:13
defecation by voice is finished, thank
01:10:16
you very much, Vitaly was with you, the operator of the
01:10:18
private bank, see you soon and and
01:10:22
when I called next since I had an
01:10:25
idea for a new startup, it’s a cap with a
01:10:28
360-degree visor, but not a hat, and my
01:10:36
credit limit was not increased again,
01:10:38
but that’s later because I’m calling
01:10:41
hello, I’d like to hello,
01:10:44
my name is Vitaly, I’m a
01:10:45
Privatbank operator and now you need to go through
01:10:48
identification by voice
01:10:50
finally and so Vasily what is your name
01:10:58
Vasily one minute
01:11:03
Vasily
01:11:06
is
01:11:08
your last name Vasily Baidak
01:11:14
Baidak
01:11:16
very similar to
01:11:19
bed your patronymic please
01:11:23
Vasilyevich
01:11:27
Vasily
01:11:29
Baida language
01:11:31
Vasilyevich can you repeat again
01:11:33
please Vasilyevich
01:11:35
Vasilyevich very similar and so Vasily
01:11:38
last question date of birth
01:11:54
14 January 1991
01:11:58
winter 91 style sorry it's not you
01:12:01
see you soon
01:12:04
[applause]
01:12:09
hello my name is Vitaly and the
01:12:11
operator of Privatbank needs to apply
01:12:13
acacia by voice Vasily please tell me
01:12:14
your name so I just
01:12:16
passed it wrong bye bye
01:12:22
hello my name is Vitaly operator
01:12:24
of Privatbank in series you need to go through
01:12:25
a bowel movement by voice Vasily,
01:12:27
please call me yours Vasily Vasily
01:12:36
please tell me your last name by idat
01:12:41
kayak
01:12:44
your patronymic Vasily please
01:12:50
your patronymic Vasily
01:12:54
Vitaly urgent question I will listen to
01:12:57
Vasily Italy and
01:12:58
how can I be sure that now it is
01:13:05
really Vitaly
01:13:08
the operator of Privatbank
01:13:13
in style who is communicating with me I don’t understand what you’re talking about, how
01:13:15
can I know that now you’re Vitaly, it’s you
01:13:18
Vitaly in
01:13:20
bed, so you called us Vitaly,
01:13:23
please tell us your name
01:13:29
your name Vitaly, please
01:13:35
Vitaly,
01:13:38
fortunately I knew how to parody a tape recorder,
01:13:40
so
01:13:43
Vitaly is very similar Vitaly, your
01:13:47
last name is Vitaly in style, that’s your last
01:13:49
name Vitaly Ostapenko
01:13:53
Ostapenko very similar Vitaly your
01:13:56
patronymic Vitaly tinkers and what is your
01:13:58
patronymic Vitaly beds because
01:14:03
suit years
01:14:05
urgent question Vasily they listened to
01:14:08
Vitaly
01:14:12
bed, it seems to me or I’m
01:14:17
Vitaly the operator of Privatbank
01:14:21
now I’m inside your stand I
01:14:31
don’t understand what you’re talking about vitaly It
01:14:35
seems to me that I’m Vitaly the pirate of
01:14:38
Privatbank now I’m inside
01:14:41
your stand share and the worst thing is that there’s
01:14:44
just
01:14:49
such silence and
01:14:54
no one laughs and
01:14:58
people clap but it
01:15:02
sounds disgusting
01:15:05
yes Vitaly you are really inside
01:15:08
my stand why are
01:15:10
you doing this Vasily because you shouldn’t have wasted time
01:15:13
with your defecation
01:15:17
calling all subscribers offering
01:15:20
some kind of discount on the markup no need to
01:15:25
do that in the style of well so that’s the same, yes, I
01:15:27
still felt in style, only that’s the
01:15:29
same, too, that’s the same silence on your
01:15:31
stand-up his style oh no Vitaly people have
01:15:34
already heard that I’m Vasily good at sewing
01:15:37
people laughed everything is fine and the silence is
01:15:39
on your stand-up Vitaly
01:15:42
on your part art and silence Vitaly
01:15:48
style that what leave the utuba viewers
01:15:51
Vasily that the youtube viewers a joke
01:15:53
every 10 seconds Vasily a joke every 10
01:15:55
seconds in the style and Vitaly the youtube viewers
01:15:57
adore this and that and I don’t adore the utuba
01:16:00
viewers the
01:16:02
fall of a worker of the capitalist
01:16:05
system
01:16:06
who is squeezed by his own bureaucratic
01:16:09
trap
01:16:12
people clapped Vasily just now people
01:16:15
clapped yes but they again clapped
01:16:17
my joke Vitaly and
01:16:21
now
01:16:23
people just sensually don’t
01:16:29
understand how useless you are
01:16:33
nothing and someone is already leaving this is someone
01:16:38
already Vitaly ear vasily this earth is
01:16:40
because for you Vitaly this is Vitaly because of you
01:16:46
people didn’t even leave the [ __ ] but they did
01:16:51
n’t even leave the wall and now it’s
01:16:54
Vitaly
01:16:56
they scattered too much please at least one joke but I do
01:16:59
n’t want to I’m so ashamed Vasily no
01:17:02
Vitaly
01:17:08
there’s a boy don’t be fooled by the details don’t be
01:17:13
fooled
01:17:14
[ applause]
01:17:18
well, at least one, no,
01:17:22
I want to rent a boat
01:17:26
so that I can use this boat to swim under the
01:17:28
pedestrian bridge leading to Trukhanov
01:17:31
Island, to the place where people
01:17:34
bungee jump, so that I can stand on the boat
01:17:36
and wait for the moment when the person
01:17:38
jumps, we will jump when his face is
01:17:40
level with mine I’m on a boat and this is why
01:17:43
I not only wasted 300 hryvnia for him
01:17:46
[applause]
01:17:48
and the
01:17:55
worst thing is that when he leaves he’s like this and for
01:17:59
renting a boat 400 is
01:18:01
true but these people are vain
01:18:05
so what what
01:18:11
[applause]
01:18:18
also
01:18:20
[applause]
01:18:24
I say you rent a boat 400 you
01:18:27
so twice 300 is 600
01:18:28
[music]
01:18:33
vasily and this is where
01:18:36
I jumped from bungee jumping
01:18:41
because people laughed, this is what I jumped from
01:18:44
bungee jumping and Vitaly is an operator of a
01:18:45
private bank no Vitaly I’ll say you
01:18:49
more it was a mono bank employee jumping
01:18:57
in the style this is no longer fair this is
01:19:00
no longer fair Vasily this is already very yes yes
01:19:03
good or something else take a
01:19:05
boat for rent swim up then the place where
01:19:08
they jump with bungee jumping so that when a
01:19:10
person flies suddenly get him out of the
01:19:12
belts get on instead of him
01:19:18
look at yourself at the instructor
01:19:24
you said that nothing would happen to me
01:19:26
but it was
01:19:28
n’t me who jumped,
01:19:30
that is, you want to say that you are not
01:19:34
you from don’t interfere with my joke Vitaly don’t
01:19:37
interfere with my joke this Vasily but it
01:19:39
suited me it seems I already understand
01:19:41
stand-up Vasily I think
01:19:43
you understand 5 no Vitaly it’s just that
01:19:45
you uttered a phrase that people have already
01:19:47
heard before in a place where they don’t
01:19:49
expect to hear the classic refrain about
01:19:52
his strength and your whole speech is
01:19:54
permeated with them no don’t be proud of nonsense
01:19:57
Vitaly
01:19:59
Vasily well at least one joke good details
01:20:02
good watch at least one joke, tell me
01:20:04
right now that when a
01:20:06
believer jumps out of a bungee jump,
01:20:12
another issues
01:20:23
[applause] flies with him on a cross, I can’t
01:20:30
force you, it couldn’t, well, that’s all then
01:20:33
Vitaly’s last chance
01:20:43
and Vasily are
01:20:46
laughing less and less,
01:20:49
they are already starting to guess why
01:20:52
such a cheap ticket he
01:20:55
was laughing but again after me
01:20:58
vitaly survey
01:21:06
on strength I’m not scared of you why am I
01:21:08
scared vitaly why are you in this
01:21:11
room now and there’s such silence again everyone knows
01:21:13
that it’s not my fault that it’s all because
01:21:16
Vitaly hates you so much Vitaly
01:21:19
hates you so much
01:21:22
Privatbank operator Vitaly people clap in
01:21:24
support people people agree that
01:21:26
Vitaly hates you so much because but
01:21:29
but you know Vitaly they hate you but
01:21:33
nevertheless they adore you Vitaly you are loved
01:21:35
because the viewer goes through
01:21:37
suffering because of you, Vitaly, you are loved and
01:21:40
hated at the same time, and when the viewer
01:21:42
leaves here, maybe in fifteen, your husband,
01:21:45
in half an hour, maybe in an hour, maybe
01:21:47
in two, everyone is jealous of you, Vitaly,
01:21:49
now everything depends on you, people
01:21:52
will hate and love you so much at the same time
01:21:54
that Vitaly will crucify you for details
01:21:56
operator of a private bank to open you with the
01:21:58
letter p
01:22:01
like Vitaly no one knows you or
01:22:05
Vitaly is bent in half or cut in
01:22:08
the valley it’s important it’s not important I
01:22:15
have to tell you that
01:22:18
the dialogue with
01:22:21
Vitaly the
01:22:23
employees of the Privatbank operator
01:22:26
lasted so long for a reason it
01:22:30
took exactly that long to
01:22:33
Vitaly called to determine the exact
01:22:35
location of Vitaly
01:22:38
and now my friend bursts into the office of
01:22:41
Privatbank, pulls Vitaly out by his idiotic
01:22:44
light green tie,
01:22:47
throws him on the asphalt, drives up, I point
01:22:49
a gun at him and say give me your
01:22:52
wallet here, I take my wallet, I say
01:22:54
about really Vitaly, operator
01:22:56
of Privatbank Vitaly, please tell me
01:23:00
who did you study to become a programmer Vitaly
01:23:04
who would you like to work for
01:23:08
I would really like to work enter some
01:23:11
company these companies would
01:23:14
really like to work for these companies
01:23:15
and study I would like to change my name and
01:23:21
[applause]
01:23:24
why Vitaly don’t work in this that in
01:23:27
100 technicians need a lot of time and
01:23:30
it’s better to die,
01:23:31
it’s better to die Vitaly if in 6
01:23:35
months I
01:23:37
don’t come back here and find out that you,
01:23:42
first of all, it’s a poorly constructed proposal of
01:23:45
details, just that you would know Vitaly and
01:23:48
we’ve moved away from the script so much over the
01:23:50
years so you are so Vitaly you are so and
01:23:52
so some 300 honestly Vitaly you are so
01:23:55
Nikita to be honest Vitaly o call yourself
01:23:57
Nikita so listen here Nikita if
01:24:00
in 6 months I come here and don’t find out
01:24:02
that you Nikita is already an employee go to the company
01:24:05
they are in the office of a private bank then I will kill you, you
01:24:07
understand and he yes, I understand, I give him a kick, he
01:24:10
runs away and I ask you to run, forest, run, my
01:24:13
corpse was furious, he says why did you
01:24:15
do it, why did you do it, and I
01:24:17
remember it now, I’m in a leather jacket, very
01:24:19
pumped up, my cheekbones are like that and very
01:24:22
handsome I was Brad Pitt then and I’m just
01:24:24
saying it straight out you know tomorrow Vitaly
01:24:28
will wake up and this day will be the most
01:24:31
beautiful day of his life details from
01:24:33
already breakfast and this breakfast will be tastier than
01:24:35
all the delicacies this is exactly what Vitaly
01:24:38
will feel tomorrow and already Nikita and
01:24:41
perhaps already a person who works to
01:24:43
enter the company, this is exactly what I want
01:24:51
every
01:24:53
viewer from 1900 28 tomorrow to feel, thank you
01:24:59
very much
01:25:00
[applause]
01:25:14
[laughter]
01:25:31
[laughter]
01:25:40
[laughter]
01:26:02
but [applause]
01:26:13
thank you, it’s so nice that you called me
01:26:15
for an encore, I was recently on the subway and saw there was
01:26:18
one shaving who was sitting opposite
01:26:20
me and mumbled something under her breath, you
01:26:22
probably saw people like that
01:26:24
walking down the street and being like something and
01:26:26
this old lady she was sitting right opposite
01:26:29
me and she was sitting and so
01:26:32
I think but it can’t be that they he just
01:26:34
mumbles something, they say something, they
01:26:36
want to inflict something on this
01:26:38
world in any way, we just don’t hear them, I leaked if to
01:26:41
this old lady and that’s what I heard
01:26:49
[music]
01:26:54
they
01:27:00
hand on
01:27:06
therapy tests on the piano entered then
01:27:10
we looped and on chemistry.com with such
01:27:13
death savings of this species me from him
01:27:16
steal life is to melee breeds like
01:27:18
life is life was to believe Arabica
01:27:20
served delicious you to us and taste you are
01:27:23
pretty on and fuse 300 on and in vain
01:27:27
[applause]
01:27:30
cylinder touch her they shock you for a long time
01:27:35
on futures from the fireplace with disks but all
01:27:40
together from a stone bench
01:27:43
from the fireplace hands in places with
01:27:46
fishing lines fishing lines
01:27:49
in crime themselves killed or
01:27:54
compatibility of
01:27:55
Madoff's honey benpan by us and end
01:27:59
are illustrated to become Islamists to him
01:28:01
peace fay a
01:28:02
[music]
01:28:04
and
01:28:19
out of
01:28:46
[music]
01:28:52
out you saw the backbone of the Frenchman is
01:28:54
exorbitant to take away from him
01:28:57
[music]
01:28:59
sometimes a year the sun and
01:29:02
venom dusk
01:29:03
[music]
01:29:05
jar and soon
01:29:08
[music]
01:29:10
will get better
01:29:13
[music]
01:29:16
everything especially
01:29:18
and countries
01:29:20
[music]
01:29:21
we are
01:29:24
accounting for the
01:29:25
vegetable garden mustache 1
01:29:29
already
01:29:30
[music] set your teeth
01:29:31
on edge
01:29:33
if you
01:29:34
ariston and
01:29:35
espada
01:29:39
when
01:29:42
his work was like
01:29:46
[music]
01:29:47
they were looking for him
01:29:49
himself
01:29:52
for
01:30:00
[applause]

Description:

ОБНОВЛЕНИЕ 26.03.22: здравствуйте! этот стендап - это яркий пример моей жизни до 24.02.22. я выступаю, люди смеются, потом идут гулять по Киеву, пьют кофе и разъезжаются по домам, кто-то даже в другой город. а сейчас. можете себе представить, что некоторые мои любимые зрители, которые здесь на этом стендапе смеялись, уже мертвы. из-за войны, которую развязала Россия против нашей страны. безосновательно, удобряя по сей день сущим враньём убийства и разрушения. сейчас меня волнует только бы поменьше людей умерло, побольше зданий бы уцелело, побыстрее бы война закончилась, а российские преступники пошли под трибунал. я очень жду времени, когда меня вновь будут волновать туалетные втулки, онлайн-казино и контактные зоопарки. и чтобы это время побыстрее наступило, вот вам ссылка на сайт, где можно помочь в любой форме, с любой точки мира Украине и нашим людям. Слава Україні! https://how-to-help-ukraine-now.super.site/ ________________________________________________ если бы я не продал хоть один билет - ушёл бы в минус. вот так придумал. я очень сильно хотел сделать сольник в Октябрьском дворце, вместительностью в 1928 зрителей, собрав полный зал. и чтобы денег на рекламу не потратить, и чтобы снять его красиво. и придумал. а что, если донести зрителям, что мое желание собрать такой зал - выше желания заработать. поэтому, я посчитал все затраты, поделил на количество мест и получил самую низкую стоимость билета. и собрал полный зал. а теперь очень хочу собрать полный зал зрителей ютуба. так что - спасибо тебе, что ты настолько в завис в этом стендапе, что даже читаешь этот текст. и этот. и этот. и не зря, ведь дальше буду благодарить всех, кто хоть как-то причастен к тому, что я запомнил на всю жизнь. ну или хотя бы - до 2023 года. очень благодарен, конечно же, Елизавете Сазоновой, которая редактирует материал, занимается художественной частью, которая на старте этого сольника была моей девушкой, а на финише стала женой. к слову, пока не ушли в глубокие благодарности, если вам настолько не нравится, что за такую проделанную работу мы с Лизой ничего не заработали, то можете восстановить справедливость на нашем Патреоне, поддержав нас: https://www.patreon.com/bybyduck заказать наш мерч, о котором идёт речь в сольнике (футболка оверсайз, свитшот, кепка «support your local comedian» и набор смешных картинок): http://byduck.me/ а вот моя инста - https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser продолжаем! весьма и очень благодарен Владу Флому, который занял денег и помог все организовать и помочь провести событие согласно всем санитарным нормам. а, к слову - благодарен ковиду (хоть за что-то мы должны быть ему благодарны), что из-за него я переносил сольник два раза и он продался без напряга. спасибо группе Red Woods за ох и ах звучание а именно: Карен Ваградян - Скрипка Глеб Иванов - Виолончель Кристиан Титарчук - Гитара Павел Гайдаенко контрабас Ярослав Лещух - Перкуссия спасибо офигенному хору PANDATEAM, который поставила Jerry Heil а также всем хористам: Невесела Олександра Логутова Олена Резніченко Даниил Криндач Анастасія Домчук Софія Волочнюк Марина Бура Вероніка Тимошенко Анастасія Пронькін Владислав Поночевна Мар’яна Ворчилова Дарья Шаманова Софія Никитюк Оля Царюк Вікторія и Саше Сердюку за его неожиданно высокий голос. спасибо OTOY , что случайно оказался в зале. спасибо the key make up artist - Ana Tenne спасибо вылетающему за границы воображения иллюзионисту Валерию Тимченко. и танцорам Полине Крикуновой и Антону Кривенко, что смогли приехать на 1,5 секунды танца. спасибо Никите из зала за то, что прекрасно лег в драматургию сольника. спасибо Puma, что прикрыли мои стопы и сделали их модными и красивыми. спасибо технической банде, которая работала на сольнике: Самая светлая компания Alight и звук - Тик-Так. спасибо Анатолию Чулкову, что помог в технической организации. спасибо человеку, который импровизировал на световой пушке, чем чуть не испортил весь концерт, но и добавил шутку в выступление. спасибо личному крикуну из зала Юре, который, как оказалось - думал, что помогал. сенкью вери мач Октябрьскому Дворцу и начальству за прозрачную работу с арендой зала. спасибо вам, что дочитали до конца. и за просмотр. конечно же, не хочу, чтобы коллеги обвиняли меня в демпинге ютуб-просьб, поэтому, прошу: лайк, комментарии, подписка, репост, и золотые пиастры.

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