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Video tags
Subtitles
Russian
00:00:16
[applause]00:00:23
the beginning is the beginning, even if you shake it now,00:00:27
according to the schedule, songs will flow and also jokes00:00:31
will be interesting,00:00:33
beloved viewer, I hope00:00:37
we have famous artists and00:00:41
verses and parade as our guest And all the writers are00:00:46
solid comedians now they will show a high00:00:51
class00:00:52
artist Don’t forget to shout right00:00:55
[ music]00:00:58
on the right They also like applause And00:01:04
we leave for 5 minutes00:01:08
[applause]00:01:14
I specially took this button accordion to00:01:16
color It, after all, it’s like the bright sun I00:01:19
want to color my summer impressions with the help of a button accordion I00:01:21
was in the south this summer and00:01:23
saw such a picture of such a large woman00:01:26
you know, there are different types of couples, yes,00:01:28
sometimes the man is large Yes in the family and the wife00:01:30
Thumbelina, on the contrary, the wife is large and00:01:32
he is small such an inch they00:01:34
lie on the beach sunbathing, he looks00:01:37
towards women with all his eyes it will be so You00:01:39
know, just the eyes00:01:41
are overstrained, there is still something to00:01:43
look at correctly women's swimwear00:01:45
they were practically canceled, they took away the strings and00:01:48
the man apparently got caught with his eyes, he’s lying down. She00:01:50
says Lenya, why are you straining? Are you here00:01:52
to rest? What are you, you’re00:01:54
overstraining your eyes, overstraining the cervical vertebrae?00:01:56
I see the blood flow in the wrong direction.00:01:58
Lenya is00:02:01
better off reading a book. Noble nest of00:02:06
books again with the eyes of00:02:19
one fat woman with two. I told my friends with00:02:22
my fatness, I take full revenge on my husband, I won’t00:02:26
allow this [ __ ] to have a00:02:29
beautiful and slender wife,00:02:41
I have a friend who is an00:02:44
ophthalmologist, he didn’t tell the riddle Gene, that’s00:02:48
what an eye for an eye means. What do you00:02:50
think, I say, well, a proverb No, you00:02:53
forgot who I work for this00:02:56
is a diagnosis when one eye goes behind the other, the00:03:00
patient has to move his eyes to the00:03:05
desired position to look straight, he needs to00:03:07
turn his head to the right00:03:09
and he says he’s also an avid driver00:03:14
and he says00:03:16
beautiful women00:03:38
But this is a man’s gaze And a woman’s gaze,00:03:41
friends, is even more mysterious, I wrote a00:03:44
song called Don’t look so sternly at me,00:03:49
but she was looking for meaning in everything, looking for the essence,00:03:54
she looked at me with a00:03:56
square eye, she was breathing heavily,00:04:00
heaving her chest, there was no way to figure it out with00:04:04
a gas mask00:04:11
[music]00:04:13
Two grandchildren of one grandfather00:04:16
turned 83 years old round date Here they are00:04:20
all round all the number is round means00:04:22
round00:04:23
and two grandchildren,00:04:26
teenagers of 18-18 years old, decided to give a00:04:29
gift to the grandfather, let's celebrate his00:04:32
birthday in the restaurant. Let's say00:04:36
they decided to enhance the gift and brought00:04:39
it to a night strip club, a00:04:43
joyful friend00:04:48
added brightness, smoke went out, the grandfather was sitting,00:04:52
before that he was wearing glasses, it was a minus 2700:04:56
along the way it became minus 64 glasses fogged up in the00:05:00
chair, huddled in the chair, sitting like a00:05:03
jackknife that rusted without moving him00:05:06
with this chair and the00:05:07
grandchildren carried him out here. I need to rest, I00:05:11
need to relax, I need puppies when a naked woman came towards me from Dima.00:05:15
I was completely shocked, she was rushing and rushing to00:05:21
meet me - and there’s nothing left00:05:26
[music]00:05:29
[applause] [music]00:05:34
easy to romance00:05:38
[music]00:05:52
[music]00:05:59
[music]00:06:12
[applause]00:06:16
[music]00:06:21
Apple trees and pears blossomed, fog floated00:06:26
over the river00:06:28
Katyusha came ashore and the high bank00:06:33
on a short00:06:34
curly maple green, not cut00:06:37
Hello, my good viewer, my00:06:40
dear Hello, good viewer home00:06:46
[applause]00:06:50
[music]00:06:57
[music]00:07:00
[applause]00:07:03
[music]00:07:07
Oh, mom, mom,00:07:10
it’s time for me to get married. I00:07:18
brought scows full of mullets to Odessa with a tail. And everyone who needed everything stood up00:07:23
when in the pub he went to00:07:28
tomorrow00:07:31
flew on the wings of me choose all of00:07:34
us choose all of us so that we all would be00:07:39
good good00:07:45
[music]00:07:47
[applause]00:07:56
what do you say when you receive a00:08:00
salary00:08:01
[music] [music] [00:08:22
music]00:08:24
[applause]00:08:31
director of the enterprise Lyudmila Ivanovna00:08:34
raged Petrov yesterday a letter came from the police, the00:08:38
driver of your company00:08:40
Petrov is engaged in private transportation on00:08:44
official transport, it was like this Petrov00:08:47
said sadly,00:08:49
the director continued to yell how did you00:08:52
even think of00:08:54
transporting a wedding on a sprinkler00:08:59
Petrov, they praise me,00:09:02
we have big savings on transport, no00:09:06
need to order a wedding the cortege all the00:09:09
guests are placed in the tank00:09:13
Lyudmila Ivana like people in the tank00:09:16
the electrician Babayan says we00:09:18
came up with them well the bride’s parents pour00:09:21
cave vodka00:09:24
and everything is floating there00:09:36
the cashier Guskina said to come to the registry office in a00:09:40
sprinkler it’s so00:09:43
romantic00:09:45
the director stared at the load Well00:09:48
Seraphim Sergeevna is romantic you are ours and00:09:52
what is this story with the goose doll on the00:09:55
downcast woman-yagat Lyudmila Ivanovna, I00:09:58
’ll explain we had to officiate the wedding, we00:10:00
lost the doll00:10:03
and asked our dear Seraphim00:10:06
Sergeevna00:10:11
to sit on the hood for a little while to00:10:15
please people to show off00:10:19
And Babayan puts it on the bow so beautifully00:10:25
You’re normal from Petrov or not00:10:29
Seraphim is 73 years old00:10:36
73 no one gives00:10:40
the maximum 6800:10:55
She can barely walk00:10:57
Petrova says she’s playing the fool in front of you00:10:59
And how she heard about 500 rubles00:11:03
she herself jumped on the hood,00:11:07
the headmistress stared at Guskina and how00:11:09
did you do it Guskino modestly00:11:12
said easily00:11:15
the headmistress couldn’t calm down, it’s okay00:11:17
to think of a watering machine, you should00:11:21
also take our asphalt paver00:11:24
Babayan modestly told her it’s not suitable,00:11:30
drives slowly00:11:32
until it gets to the registry office, some brides are00:11:36
starting to give birth,00:11:40
the headmistress calmed down a little Petrov And what is this00:11:44
monster you have on the tank00:11:46
drawn Petrov was offended Lyudmila and this is00:11:50
it the swan is00:11:51
a symbol of Loyalty, he drew it himself, he will00:12:07
definitely become pregnant, the00:12:10
cashier's gooses modestly said when00:12:13
Petrov couldn't bend the swan's neck,00:12:16
I posed for him, the headmistress was tired,00:12:21
asked the swan, are you00:12:24
ours, and why were you yelling and using obscene language during the trip?00:12:37
speed Petrov says, well, we didn’t always00:12:40
drive slowly, we had to00:12:42
catch up with the groom00:12:46
already when the bride saw00:12:50
how he rushed, the headmistress00:12:52
was indignant who allowed to00:12:55
exceed Baba Yaga, the father of the bride allowed00:13:02
this goat to be caught up anyway,00:13:06
otherwise you’ll go to the registry office instead of him00:13:11
Lyudmila Ivanovna00:13:16
watering your enterprise traveled underground00:13:22
on the subway rails and interfered with the00:13:26
trains00:13:28
Babayan was indignant, it didn’t interfere with my mother,00:13:30
I swear we went there, everyone was so happy00:13:35
and the train drivers were simply surprised, he was00:13:40
driving in the dark, nothing was visible. Then00:13:44
our Seraphim was00:13:47
on the hood00:13:49
[applause]00:13:51
with a bow,00:13:54
the director asked Guskina. And00:13:58
here you are personally, it wasn’t scary underground there,00:14:05
he said that we need to slowly get used to it,00:14:11
and secondly, we00:14:13
had00:14:16
three tons of vodka in the tank, the00:14:18
bride’s father filled five tons in the morning, they do00:14:22
n’t understand anything,00:14:35
the headmistress lit a cigarette, then she said, here’s the00:14:37
thing, Gennady Ivanovich proposed to me for00:14:42
our wedding take you for a ride Petrovich Lyudmila00:14:45
Ivana, mommy for you in first class00:14:47
Baba Yagod My brother serves in the army00:14:50
as an ensign, you are at our registry office in a tank, you will go to the registry office in a tank, that’s how it00:15:02
was, the tank was driving through the city,00:15:06
Lyudmila Ivanovna’s head was sticking out of the hatch00:15:08
in front of the tank, the groom was walking with his hands behind his head,00:15:11
sitting on the guns Serafima00:15:16
Sergeevna00:15:17
all in bows00:15:20
[music] a00:15:23
commanding voice was heard00:15:26
[music]00:15:38
[applause]00:15:41
Yes, for the third month now00:15:51
[music]00:15:56
we are00:15:58
extremely happy about this guest and you will00:16:03
like her because her beauty is a joy to the eyes and her00:16:08
wondrous voice caresses Naira’s ears00:16:13
[applause ]00:16:18
[music]00:16:37
after windy00:16:41
[music]00:16:46
from a friend00:16:49
from a friend I borrowed you00:16:53
[music]00:16:59
promised00:17:00
[music]00:17:10
and00:17:12
I borrowed I borrowed00:17:16
your head00:17:18
spinning00:17:21
and put you back00:17:27
But with me00:17:32
but with me a problem happened00:17:37
I fell in love with you00:17:42
I fell in love and forgot00:17:48
that you box00:17:51
[music]00:17:58
[applause]00:17:59
[music]00:18:03
I borrowed you for a week00:18:08
7 days a long time ago00:18:12
flew by00:18:14
before I remember I was repaying debts00:18:19
And with you I forgot what I00:18:22
promised00:18:24
with you I forgot everything in the world00:18:31
[music]00:18:37
I borrowed I borrowed00:18:42
your head00:18:47
and served return00:18:52
but with me00:18:54
[music]00:18:57
But trouble happened to me,00:19:03
I fell in love with you, I00:19:08
fell in love and forgot00:19:13
that I was on vacation00:19:18
[music]00:19:22
[applause]00:19:24
[music]00:19:33
[applause] [music00:19:34
]00:19:37
[applause]00:19:40
[music]00:19:42
I borrowed00:19:46
your head00:19:51
and was a friend to bring you back in life00:19:56
but something bad happened to me00:20:01
[music]00:20:07
I loved you myself, I00:20:12
fell in love and forgot00:20:17
that I was wrong about you00:20:23
[music]00:20:28
[music]00:20:37
[applause]00:20:40
[music]00:20:42
[applause]00:20:51
While in this world While in this world While in this world00:20:55
While in this world There is a Gascony in the world Eh,00:20:59
Nikolai Nikolaevich, shame on you,00:21:02
you lived for 40 years with your wife And00:21:06
now you left her and married00:21:10
my young sweetheart Yes, so that you understand with your old00:21:15
wife at night, we study, that was our duty00:21:20
Bring some drops or a window Open that00:21:23
window close in00:21:26
the evening left in the morning came00:21:32
[music]00:21:45
now on this stage00:21:49
[music]00:22:04
next00:22:05
[applause]00:22:09
Good afternoon doctor Hello,00:22:16
who are we Agnia Barto00:22:22
joker that00:22:24
Agnia Barto is not in this I'm serious can you00:22:28
please look00:22:33
really00:22:36
Agnia Barto come on,00:22:44
just turn around face00:22:49
Well, okay,00:22:52
I’m listening to you, doctor, I have a problem. I see, you see00:23:02
well. Excellent, the last00:23:05
line in the table00:23:06
[music]00:23:13
I don’t see.00:23:17
Well, what else do you have Agnia? Complete00:23:20
strangers on the street are interested in the00:23:23
work schedule of my closest00:23:25
relatives;00:23:26
they constantly ask Is everything00:23:33
clear at home?00:23:35
and what do you think that all the mother-in-law00:23:38
left for a couple of days, you00:23:43
still have a lot of problems I have a lot of00:23:45
problems I took out a loan from the bank I came to00:23:49
another process00:24:26
and what does the jack have to do with the jack here and00:24:29
who are you anyway00:24:33
Agnia Barto I say00:24:35
I remember you but I remember I wanted00:24:39
to ask you where you work,00:24:42
I’m a truck driver,00:24:46
my friend, we’re in trouble here, medicine is powerless, that’s00:24:50
not the point, it’s just that if I do00:24:52
n’t deliver the cargo on time because of my leg,00:24:55
I’ll end up with serious money,00:25:01
so now I’ll tell you a little secret,00:25:03
so00:25:05
you know how it turns out story, I’m00:25:08
sitting with you in this office and I’m also00:25:10
falling for money00:25:18
[laughter]00:25:38
[laughter]00:25:48
[applause] Is00:25:50
n’t everyone at home or something00:25:54
[applause]00:25:56
I said everything about my mother-in-law leaving Saratov for a couple of00:25:58
days00:26:02
so00:26:04
I just don’t understand00:26:10
Well my leg hurts, I came to the00:26:13
traumatologist’s office,00:26:14
but I’m a therapist. Why are you sitting in the00:26:18
traumatologist’s office?00:26:20
Because today I’m for him00:26:22
and where is he?00:26:25
Lord,00:26:54
let’s better get an x-ray, and00:27:01
he’ll also do an x-ray for you if you don’t have a00:27:04
referral from a therapist.00:27:06
Well, give me a referral.00:27:10
But I’ll tell you I explained in Russian as a00:27:13
therapist, I will be tomorrow from 8 to 11,00:27:17
but I won’t give you a referral. Why.00:27:20
Because you don’t have mantu.00:27:23
When can I make this mantu?00:27:27
Manta can be done in our clinic,00:27:30
but the doctor is on vacation now, so00:27:34
mantu is next week00:27:37
two to three on Wednesday You know00:27:40
where to go with your vaccination00:27:43
to Turkey00:27:47
[applause]00:27:52
I would love to see someone00:27:56
take me there00:28:21
[applause]00:28:25
Well, that’s nice So let’s write down00:28:28
the treatment was carried out on an outpatient basis,00:28:32
no complaints00:28:35
completely The next one is healthy00:28:39
[applause]00:28:46
you know what’s the most offensive thing when you cook00:28:48
dumplings00:28:49
[music]00:28:55
[music]00:29:14
[music]00:29:19
[applause]00:29:25
his00:29:40
[applause]00:29:41
only in the depths of the people could00:29:44
such a wonderful joke arise, do you want00:29:46
to drink now no And now00:29:50
this also echoes People's00:29:52
Lyosha Let's go buy coffee How strange it is00:29:55
today when you say the word vodka00:29:58
and it ends this tryptic is so You00:30:00
want to drink no But you will, but00:30:03
you don’t have an honest good00:30:06
accountant in mind, but he still has 2 years to serve,00:30:09
this is also folk humor, you know, yes, it’s00:30:12
so unexpected This is the people, for example,00:30:14
what is the strongest00:30:16
laxative, but in life, you won’t guess the00:30:19
strongest laxative00:30:20
unexpected meeting with a bear00:30:25
What author can compose such an elegant00:30:27
reprise there are two news, one bad00:30:29
I was fired and good news for you too00:30:32
this is a consequence of where you work anywhere00:30:35
and I’m nearby00:30:39
yesterday I asked my husband for 200 dollars for a00:30:41
beauty salon, he looked at me00:30:43
carefully and gave me 1,000 dollars00:30:51
beauty went Yes that of00:31:00
course all this humor of life is closed, someone00:31:03
told what happened went to the people as an00:31:05
anecdote I believe that this is how it happened, the husband left00:31:07
for 10 days on a business trip, the wife00:31:09
decided to go to her mother in another city for the same 10 days,00:31:11
they parted and cried the meeting was00:31:13
no less stormy on the beach in Egypt00:31:18
and in this situation I believe two people talking.00:31:20
When I get drunk, I’m not afraid of anyone at all, I do00:31:22
n’t even have a wife to that extent. I’ve never00:31:25
gotten drunk before.00:31:27
Once I was struck by the inscription that said there was00:31:30
no gasoline, a dot at all, an exclamation00:31:34
point. I asked why it was so strange.00:31:37
phrase the seller says: What if we just hang up00:31:39
gasoline? No, everyone asks, an00:31:44
ordinary conversation between two women who00:31:46
did not intend to joke. Do you think00:31:48
Masha will wait for her from the army? Yes, she did00:31:50
n’t always wait for him from work,00:31:54
here’s the situation in life: two mechanics on the pole00:31:56
below, the granny is coming, Granny says,00:31:59
pick up the wire from the ground And which one is red00:32:01
or yellow? Well, come on, I picked up the red one.00:32:03
Thank you, put it in its place. Well, you see, I00:32:06
told you that you are a zero phase, a phase00:32:10
[applause]00:32:11
and you won’t understand this, or maybe there was00:32:14
an anecdote in Canada, they held a competition00:32:15
in deforestation Who is faster and bigger00:32:17
will cut it down and suddenly a small man00:32:20
with a small hatchet appears and00:32:22
overtakes everyone. Where do you work?00:32:24
He asks about a forest in the Sahara. But there are00:32:26
forests there. No, well, there won’t be a00:32:30
life situation here; the woman says,00:32:32
she met a guy she liked;00:32:34
they decided to rent an apartment in half. A year later,00:32:37
I find out that the apartment is his property00:32:38
everything00:32:48
How are you doing You know great00:32:51
my lover didn’t promise to give me a mink00:32:54
coat00:32:55
And he also promised to give me a car00:32:59
And he and I are going to the Canary Islands soon00:33:04
And how are you doing00:33:06
[music]00:33:07
good manners00:33:11
in the last lesson we were taught instead of00:33:15
the word not lie to say00:33:17
[music]00:33:22
what a talent the artist is there alone00:33:26
when he just goes on stage the audience00:33:31
will smile as if on command and shout00:33:35
Bravo and even Encore is amazing00:33:40
[applause]00:33:45
I want to talk about love00:33:49
and the most sublime love about love on a00:33:52
universal scale about love for my mother-in-law00:33:58
this they shout more often00:34:00
And there are many of you mother-in-laws, a lot of00:34:17
mother-in-law is a00:34:22
snake according to the horoscope according to the horoscope according to the00:34:26
horoscope00:34:27
and in life she is a biting pig,00:34:42
she works as a guard00:34:47
in a prison in the men's00:34:51
you ha-ha00:34:53
she lives in the next house to00:34:56
visit every day, can00:34:58
you imagine what is going on at my house,00:35:00
hold your hands back I'm getting ready to go00:35:05
to work by the head in the morning, my mother-in-law is already00:35:09
hanging over my soul, I've already cleaned my T-00:35:11
shirt in my shorts, I've tucked00:35:14
money into my shorts, I've taken the money for a pie, put the thief back in his place in the00:35:20
evening, I'm coming back from work right00:35:24
there. Why am00:35:31
I still helping you? I'm00:35:38
going for a 20-minute day off, I'm going00:35:41
for a walk. through the window through binoculars watching00:35:44
me00:35:56
I tried with her in a good way stayed00:35:58
affectionately with her tried told her00:36:01
Ivan's creature that is, Mary Ivan00:36:05
Ivan I will return that you are raising me all the time00:36:07
I'm not a boy I'm a man00:36:10
says You're not a man you have rickets00:36:14
even at night I’ll save you from her, no, I’m00:36:18
sleeping, I wake up in the middle of the night in horror, my00:36:21
friend’s head is sticking out in the window, he’s00:36:23
climbing up the fire escape and through the window00:36:26
to watch me sleep, why did you sleep all night with your00:36:30
mouth open,00:36:33
little are you being fed in reality by a voracious beetle,00:36:36
what does such a thing feed me, I’m already hungry, the00:36:40
rodent candles didn’t come Yesterday you ate 10 cherries without me,00:36:47
I counted the pits in the bucket00:36:50
[applause]00:36:55
as soon as I go to the restroom, she00:36:57
props the door with her shoulder, sit and speak in the00:37:00
punishment cell, think, I’m already there for her, I00:37:04
sing Affectionate songs, so that somehow you can00:37:07
pity her, they sing, my mother-in-law flashes because of a00:37:11
cloud, he’ll disappear or else my wife will come in.00:37:16
My mother stands up for me, says,00:37:18
well, let him out, she says, it’s okay, my00:37:21
daughter will sit, the man will go out in the00:37:26
evening, he ran away from her with the dog for a walk,00:37:30
she caught up with me, she tore the leash out of my hand,00:37:33
she says, the corridor, Look how it should be And she00:37:37
started walking the dog like that00:37:38
the prisoner was Jack, his00:37:42
muzzle was lowered, he walked in a circle on his hind00:37:46
legs, the front one was held behind his back.00:37:51
Well, how can one live with such a mother-in-law?00:37:54
I honestly00:37:56
tried to soap the mother-in-law with a rope,00:37:59
she came and00:38:01
believed the soap with a ruler,00:38:09
and then I was sitting in the kitchen eating pasta and my00:38:13
wife dropped the fork.00:38:18
My pasta had already shrunk00:38:21
and As if the door was opening, my mother-in-law made a00:38:24
face in full screen, excuse me, what00:38:28
stopped you from eating at night? It’s00:38:32
just that I got rickets, I bought some sandals for you,00:38:37
sat for about five minutes, ate everything from the table00:38:40
and left. Out of frustration, I dropped my fork again,00:38:44
the door opens again, mother-in-law,00:38:48
I don’t know why I came, yes, you, yes Yes, you have00:38:52
dirt guys in the toilet, I don’t set foot in there00:38:56
and leaves. For the third time, for the00:38:59
experiment, I take a fork from the table00:39:02
and my mother-in-law comes, only leaves,00:39:33
then she came to us for a watermelon for about00:39:38
10 minutes, sat half a watermelon with a hamster and00:39:42
said, I won’t leave for a minute without me Are you finishing your00:39:46
food? Do you remember that she did00:39:50
n’t even go to our neighbor’s00:39:52
house? I watched through the window until she00:39:55
ran across the entire yard and as soon as she entered00:39:57
her entrance00:39:59
a fork from the table00:40:02
and she ran back across the entire yard through all00:40:05
five floors to us00:40:07
on principle I hop to my place again,00:40:09
she runs again Well, in general, I00:40:12
hopped her 20 times while she00:40:16
completely stopped loving watermelon for a00:40:20
month after that, she didn’t come00:40:27
then she got stuck in such a businesslike person, she says, I have a special00:40:34
assignment today, I’ll be00:40:37
escorting a particularly dangerous criminal,00:40:40
Vasya the pipette,00:40:50
I think she’ll run away will kick you out of work00:40:54
in another hour, knocks on the door, my00:40:59
mother-in-law is standing there, and Vasya is handcuffed to her left hand, a00:41:03
pipette, a00:41:04
muzzle with three girths all over his bald head, a00:41:07
tattoo, Killer, don’t waste the bullets, they all bounce00:41:10
off00:41:12
more often, they say, you idiot,00:41:15
say hello to the authority, I don’t know00:41:18
how I deal with them I say Vasily Great He00:41:21
says they saw the Wolf has pedals00:41:24
here, my mother-in-law Looked at him lightly and00:41:28
says who you are crumbling the loaf with a pipette00:41:31
and the parish is00:41:33
for my only family00:41:42
[applause]00:41:47
Yes, he is dearer to me than my daughter, he00:41:51
has never listened to me once in his life00:42:08
and I was so proud for my mother-in-law,00:42:11
I think no one has one like this, only00:42:14
I took this fork and threw it away,00:42:18
imagine my mother-in-law doesn’t come to us anymore00:42:28
[music]00:42:40
go to the grocery store Deli [00:42:43
music]00:42:46
Look out the window, the weather is so bad there you ca00:42:49
n’t kick the dog out00:42:50
[music]00:42:57
hike a visit to us is not a visit to the dentist;00:43:01
you open your mouth and it will hurt. But with us,00:43:06
everything happens differently here. You open your mouth and00:43:13
[applause]00:43:34
[music]00:43:43
[applause]00:43:54
[applause]00:43:58
You know, I think water00:44:01
got into the carburetor, oh how smart we are in our cars00:44:06
let's figure it out, you know where this carburetor00:44:09
is located, I know in the car. Well, where are the cars00:44:13
in the river00:44:15
[music]00:44:23
Bulgakov Zoshchenko and Pushkin We have00:44:27
literature00:44:30
today Anatoly Trushkin00:44:33
literature00:44:35
[music]00:44:39
[applause]00:44:41
first put next to the tail there and a00:44:44
decent person right away you could see00:44:47
where someone is now, you can’t tell them apart,00:44:51
sometimes a very good person, but00:44:54
God gave him such a face that everyone00:44:57
will see and grab their wallets.00:45:00
Our neighbor is an accountant in a kindergarten;00:45:04
until all the children are taken away in the evening, he is00:45:06
forbidden to leave the room; the children00:45:09
are scared, you are far away,00:45:12
my wife. the boy was born the spitting image of his father, the00:45:16
old midwife picked him up in his arms,00:45:19
he picked him up, smile,00:45:23
she dropped him00:45:26
well, the doctor stood nearby and managed to catch the00:45:29
boy and smiled00:45:32
at the doctor, the young modern doctor doesn’t believe in God, doesn’t00:45:36
believe in the devil, holds him tightly with one00:45:39
hand with the other, crosses himself00:45:43
And the boy turned out so affectionate00:45:46
smiles at everyone, mom dreams, says to grow up00:45:49
Sanya is good on television.00:45:57
We have a handsome neighbor on the other side.00:46:00
He needs to play the heroes of rescuers00:46:04
of ministers in the movies, but he has five criminal records. He00:46:07
gives 1,000 rubles to the cashier; he00:46:10
checks everyone; he has no mascara; his face is good; and00:46:13
he has all the money. fake ones where it00:46:15
says entry is prohibited, he is the first00:46:18
to let documents through there, they don’t ask for a00:46:21
pleasant face, well, she’s used to being everywhere without asking00:46:25
once, this transformer booth poked his head in,00:46:29
and then he wasn’t hit hard by an accountant,00:46:35
recently a man was drowning alone, he didn’t00:46:38
know how to swim, the accountant pulled him out and pumped him out. He00:46:41
looked at the Savior and again into the river of00:46:46
women, the same00:46:48
appearance can deceive, it00:46:51
just winks, it00:46:58
turns out that it’s as if she’s calling with her,00:47:02
by the way, the teacher00:47:05
from our children00:47:13
will wink at the rack,00:47:16
and men now are very weak00:47:18
in moral terms. Well, because of the00:47:21
indirect queue, it’s kind of winding,00:47:25
it’s hard to figure it out now in people And00:47:27
before, put a scoundrel and a00:47:29
decent person next to each other, it was immediately clear00:47:31
where who was00:47:37
[music]00:47:41
[applause]00:47:45
or our postwoman got something wrong00:47:50
or the newspaper of rural Udmurtia has changed a lot00:47:58
Yes, wait, I’m serving you, let me see00:48:07
what this is, a00:48:09
magazine for stylish women, a00:48:14
magazine for me00:48:18
Christina is00:48:26
probably an expensive dress, 300 rubles00:48:35
Lady Gaga,00:48:38
go and drink00:48:41
Who is she, probably herding geese,00:48:46
look at her nails 5 centimeters as she milks00:48:53
Alexander Reva wants to marry Sobchak00:48:57
That's right, every breed should belong to00:49:01
its own breed00:49:02
[music]00:49:03
[applause]00:49:44
shopping00:49:46
creative discount clutch from Chanel I00:49:51
just understood one word from00:49:59
now In a party it’s fashionable to carry your dog in your arms00:50:05
I have Polkan 90 kilograms00:50:11
just for a hunchback to carry his00:50:14
thong00:50:15
7000 rubles00:50:19
Listen, if such a piece of fabric 7000 on00:50:23
Baba Zina are wearing millions00:50:26
[music]00:50:31
[applause]00:50:34
Try our new product00:50:48
night cream00:50:50
[music] I’ll00:50:58
finish in the evening00:51:02
I have00:51:04
whitening toothpaste Yes, it does00:51:08
n’t whiten anything, I bought it for my mother, I was waiting for00:51:11
her teeth to become as white as they were like00:51:13
iron,00:51:17
one advertisement, all00:51:20
Lindsay Lohan, look at how they lie to themselves,00:51:24
look at how you pen,00:51:27
You are a tribute to a pirate like00:51:31
never before00:51:38
[applause]00:51:42
[ music]00:51:52
naked Volochkova in the Maldives00:51:56
lying naked on top of the sand poured00:52:04
[music]00:52:06
[applause]00:52:13
now or something you are going out into the light Well,00:52:17
as soon as they give light, I go out,00:52:20
but what about walking in the dark,00:52:25
softening cream for the feet00:52:28
Why soften the legs? must00:52:31
be strong, keep it like walking on soft tones,00:52:36
they write nonsense00:52:39
Choose hair dye from well-known companies,00:52:43
we have only two well-known companies, henna and00:52:46
basma00:52:48
[applause]00:52:50
three pages each, smell the new00:52:54
perfume00:52:58
Wow, Lord00:53:02
[applause]00:53:15
told me about my triptych They need to be treated00:53:18
they say00:53:21
[applause]00:53:22
toothpaste 32 is the norm in our village00:53:28
7 is the norm And 5 And if he fights a lot00:53:32
that one is the norm00:53:35
And generally not Also the norm Do00:53:38
you know the remedies for dark circles00:53:41
under the eyes00:53:43
I know a scam00:53:49
How to succeed in the office and the boss will like the00:53:55
office this the place where you work And the Boss is00:53:59
the one for whom you work I work in00:54:02
pigsties00:54:05
[music]00:54:11
called by the patronymic name of your00:54:14
boss00:54:16
[music]00:54:29
[applause]00:54:38
what scent does your boss use the00:54:45
boss's kiss is the dream of every employee00:54:52
look how to seduce a man00:54:57
Wait a minute, I'll tell you later00:55:04
apply a scent that he likes to his wrists and behind his ears,00:55:08
here I am with moonshine00:55:12
and cutlets behind the ears,00:55:16
gently stroking him under the table with my00:55:20
leg,00:55:31
in his way,00:55:35
so he is working on the combine. Food is served.00:56:14
Well, I'm in bed just a star,00:56:18
arms spread out, and sleeping for myself. if00:56:25
also00:56:26
[music]00:56:31
in our life everything happens, what00:56:35
happens now you find out when he00:56:41
runs up to the microphone, everyone stands up and clap for him00:56:46
[applause]00:57:47
[applause]00:57:59
[music]00:58:05
[applause]00:58:14
[music]00:58:25
[applause]00:58:37
turn it on, I'm tired of being on this diet I couldn’t00:58:42
stand the00:58:43
tired refrigerator at night and took a bite of the first thing00:58:47
that I got up and opened in the morning00:58:53
[music]00:58:59
he’s not tall but how he plays00:59:03
[music]00:59:06
as if he knows everyone personally00:59:11
[music]00:59:14
[applause]00:59:42
I say what subject to teach00:59:48
he says Russian language00:59:52
he will ask me somewhere what is your00:59:55
native language00:59:58
I tell me this native language is how we01:00:03
were born with it and we live01:00:06
perfectly well Go to class Well, I came, I01:00:11
say Hello children,01:00:13
I am your new teacher of the Russian language,01:00:18
I will teach everyone to speak in Russian01:00:24
like myself01:00:27
Well, let's start repetitions As they say01:00:29
repetition01:00:32
correctly your mother01:00:54
nouns answers the question01:00:56
Who are you anyway01:00:58
[music]01:00:59
numeral answers the question How much does it01:01:02
cost and what is the discount01:01:06
here one boy will ask me the teacher01:01:10
What is an interjection01:01:15
I say interjections01:01:18
is when you01:01:22
somewhere with01:01:30
questions01:01:49
[applause]01:01:52
[music]01:02:14
This is a pig01:02:16
[music]01:02:18
teacher And what is a comma01:02:23
[music]01:02:26
I say children, a01:02:30
comma is a woman01:02:35
who drinks a lot of wax01:02:41
[music] do01:03:01
n’t attack anyway Let’s01:03:16
[music]01:03:23
[music]01:03:25
They understood Why did he climb01:03:30
and the old man sit in retirement like a seagull01:03:35
and he climbs01:03:38
I then took this book called an01:03:41
excerpt of a literary work there is01:03:43
generally a nightmare01:03:45
helplessly lost What they write the countess01:03:48
put on a01:03:50
new toilet01:03:54
I didn’t understand she what the01:03:59
hell01:04:02
can you imagine you come01:04:37
bought in a store01:04:41
recently alone the girl went to class and asked the01:04:44
teacher What are the01:04:46
words of exception01:04:49
Yagu in our time words of exception are01:04:52
words like conscience01:04:55
kindness honesty01:04:58
this is wrong I want the words of01:05:01
exception to be greed01:05:04
meanness and house-201:05:14
because I’m sick of it I’m already01:05:23
telling you I’m a01:05:25
simple Russian teacher01:05:29
[applause ]01:05:42
man there was a mistake, instead of01:05:47
potassium chloride, what the hell,01:05:51
get 10 rubles to the cash register01:05:56
[music]01:06:01
cook a potassium, the activity is simple, take a01:06:06
pan, throw in some food, but carrying a potassium01:06:10
chloride is completely different, it’s very important not to01:06:15
blush01:06:22
from simple conversations like Hey you, move away,01:06:25
or Hey you, Bring some food our People are01:06:29
gradually switching to the beautiful flowery01:06:33
Asian oriental address and01:06:36
compliments that spouses say to01:06:37
each other,01:06:39
the compliment that a man says to his01:06:43
woman. Here01:06:45
you are,01:06:48
my diabetes is hurting, here01:06:53
you are, whose lips are redder than my reaction.01:06:58
Here you are, what exactly is written on the page of the01:07:01
marital status of my passport01:07:04
about the hater for three of mine the enemy of my friends, the01:07:09
hills of your buttocks are like dunes with01:07:13
pimples escaping on them01:07:17
Oh damn, alika and moon-assed01:07:22
I want to sing to you and your shins calling to the razor01:07:25
and the amber of your teeth01:07:30
calling to the dentist and the delicate silk of your slaps and the01:07:36
ice of the touches of your feet01:07:39
these legs are straight like matches my01:07:42
chest is white like the breast of a chicken01:07:45
boiled in boiling water, my passions01:07:48
and the whiteness of your skin I will liken only to01:07:51
your Yuryuzan refrigerator.01:07:54
Here you are, whose nakedness does not make you01:07:57
worry, will they catch a cold, you are01:08:03
more varied than a buffet in an01:08:05
Egyptian three-star hotel,01:08:08
here you are, whose headaches are stronger than my desires,01:08:13
here you are, who refused me a thousand and one night01:08:17
in a row my you, whose voice resembles the singing of01:08:22
camels in the soul01:08:24
Here you are, whose mother flies from my lips you whose01:08:29
look is a thorny hedgehog You whose cheeks are softer than01:08:33
Winter lettuce poke flexible Stan01:08:35
is blocking my TV Move away a little, I01:08:38
ask you, otherwise I can’t see a damn thing a01:08:50
real cultured woman who nourished01:08:54
all the traditions of the East, a woman01:08:56
responds to her Master of Osanta,01:09:01
a thorn in my eyes, pip of my tongue,01:09:06
about the climax of my hopes,01:09:09
and you, with whom I signed up to be in sorrow and01:09:12
in joy, but in reality I received only grief01:09:15
about hemorrhoids throughout my life, that one01:09:18
because whom my01:09:21
friends constantly ask me What happened to you,01:09:24
my you, whose salary is not enough for01:09:27
shoes even for an infusorian,01:09:29
here you are, whose hands grow from your hills and01:09:34
look like a rake in my garden, here you are, the01:09:37
winner,01:09:38
wresting 2 liters of beer and a kilogram of01:09:41
store-bought dumplings,01:09:44
who doesn’t care the end of life, eating doshirak01:09:46
with the taste of carrion.01:09:48
Here you are, whose stubble is fragrant with perfume And01:09:52
all your trousers are strewn with sparkles, supposedly from your01:09:56
classmate Mikhail.01:09:59
Here you are, who constantly wipes your01:10:02
fragrant legs with a face towel and01:10:06
cannot remember that for your feet01:10:08
only a green towel with painted01:10:11
legs.01:10:12
Here you are, the Lord countless stats of01:10:16
your Socks grazing in the vastness of the apartment of01:10:19
my01:10:21
caresses cause bewilderment01:10:30
and you are the book of whose toilets are my and the stream of01:10:34
my toilets Here you are who, like01:10:37
Danko, gave your liver to your friends about the01:10:41
collapse of my nights you whose night snoring01:10:44
is like a breeze And whose night breeze01:10:47
is like snoring Here you are whose memory is short01:10:51
like what you value more than anything in the01:10:53
world, oh tireless scratcher of your loins.01:10:58
Here you are, to whom nothing inhuman and01:11:01
bestial is alien,01:11:03
slate-faced and pig-faced, here you are, I’m01:11:07
telling you about the wall of my peas.01:11:10
Go quickly to the stones. Kiss me, my01:11:19
Hello, dear something. You quickly01:11:22
I’m back I can’t fry fish yet mask I’m doing01:11:26
nothing01:11:27
Well, how we went01:11:30
fishing, it’s disgusting to go fishing That’s what the People’s After all, they01:11:34
agreed with the men Who01:11:36
will catch the fish first Magars bet who01:11:38
will catch the second appetizer we threw we’re01:11:40
sitting I’m lying Petka is01:11:46
also01:11:49
a float, he’s also a float01:11:51
And you pecked that I’m a fool or something I01:11:54
threw it at all without bait01:11:56
[music] in01:12:02
our genre of jokes he writes Old as01:12:06
Mammon yes No younger01:12:09
[music] it does01:12:10
n’t look like he’s writing a joke but a fish where01:12:17
[applause] I01:12:21
happened to attend a beauty contest01:12:29
that there was more beauty01:12:32
or makeup,01:12:35
but it seems to me that this is the real one beauty01:12:37
should shine Well, not with a mechanical smile, but with01:12:40
some kind of spiritual warmth, here I am with01:12:44
my wife Tanka, so I fell in love with him. That’s why this01:12:46
warmth means I’m on the way, there’s a01:12:48
girl voting, and she’s waving01:12:51
her hands so very sincerely01:12:55
right up to her entrance, well, from I01:12:59
naturally waved away the money, I feel and01:13:02
want to thank me, and she01:13:04
tells me, would you like, I’ll treat you to coffee, I say01:13:09
yes,01:13:10
and she solemnly took a bag of instant coffee out of her purse, they01:13:20
are greeted warmly. I remember in01:13:23
the supermarket, the saleswoman says, I say,01:13:24
Well, you say that sincerely, you work, I01:13:26
say that’s how it works01:13:28
you smile You can feel that01:13:31
you are smiling, I speak from the bottom of my heart and she01:13:35
tells me But how can she say otherwise, they force us,01:13:40
but you know, I also found that I noticed that01:13:42
if a person with stable fat01:13:44
is in a good mood,01:13:46
you won’t knock him out of this mood. I’m like in I'm01:13:49
leaving the metro, I'm looking next to me, a guy01:13:50
knows, he's sitting01:13:52
reading something, some gloomy man comes up to him01:13:54
and says Well, you say01:13:56
the sucker, give up your seat and I looked at01:14:00
this guy. He didn't even change in his face, he01:14:04
looked at him so surprised and smiled. got up, closed the book,01:14:08
folded the chair and went to the seat opposite01:14:14
I think we shouldn’t skimp on01:14:17
compliments You see, I have a01:14:18
great mother-in-law. She loves to sing as she sings,01:14:21
she’s immediately praised and says01:14:24
what she says. Your voice01:14:27
says it’s gorgeous, but she’ll leave it for me01:14:30
later. explains, you understand why he01:14:32
speaks The voice says good Because01:14:34
in an empty head there is very good acoustics,01:14:41
I also found it, I noticed that01:14:43
optimists are optimists when01:14:45
you meet them and they get stuck in your memory01:14:47
for a long time,01:14:49
sometimes for the rest of your life. I01:14:53
remember when I studied at the institute we had one like this01:14:55
Associate Professor Erokhin, but he taught this history.01:14:57
Well, I didn’t go to his lectures. I had a01:15:00
hobby there at that01:15:01
moment. Well, in general, there was no time for a lecture, and01:15:05
I honestly told him during the exam. I01:15:07
say, you know, it seems to me that I’m saying I won’t01:15:09
pass, but he an optimist, you understand, he looked at me so01:15:11
optimistically and said about01:15:15
I bet he says for 5,000 that you will pass01:15:20
and I would like to know what else I noticed that01:15:25
often instead of smiling we01:15:28
get upset Well, why in the clinic,01:15:31
right in front of my eyes, one little guy01:15:33
ran up to this registration desk, well, this one01:15:35
the registrar says there in a panic today the01:15:40
male gynecologist accepts01:15:44
and the registrar is right01:15:49
she is offended by him there today does not accept01:15:52
And you see they have already accepted01:15:56
not to smile is good for health But01:16:00
why is it sad I remember in the minibus one01:16:04
such a big woman to the driver01:16:06
here Please stop but he he01:16:08
left another 5 meters, he’s still another meter away01:16:13
from that cat and the driver is already crazy at the01:16:16
front paws or the hind paws01:16:20
[applause]01:16:22
No, well, a person with a good mood,01:16:24
you understand, he seems to carry this atmosphere01:16:28
with him, here at my dacha, my neighbor01:16:30
Semyon Semyonovich01:16:32
is the most intelligent no one heard him at all,01:16:35
not that he swore, no one01:16:37
saw that he was out of sorts, he even01:16:39
remember when he was hammering nails into this fence,01:16:41
he01:16:43
smacked milk on his fingers several times,01:16:45
can you imagine, and there wasn’t a single strong word there at all,01:16:48
he was just everyone01:16:50
once shouted Look, you’re in a01:16:54
good mood, this is the foundation01:17:06
and what happened? She01:17:09
went to the fitting room in the supermarket to try on something. Well,01:17:11
after a while I pulled back the curtain01:17:13
and I looked. Well, in short, I honestly01:17:15
said I’m telling a secret that you’re I’m saying01:17:17
some kind of blouse- then I say, one01:17:20
of these jeans that's not a show-off, I say, you01:17:23
're just falling out01:17:25
like a fool, I didn't try on anything, I came in this, I01:17:32
didn't know what to do, I was01:17:34
fussing here, that's how it all is now, I apologize01:17:37
in verses Well, I got tired quickly on the move, I01:17:39
say, I01:17:41
offended my01:17:42
lovely features, no one to me not needed except you01:17:47
[music]01:17:49
And of course you can’t be offended by children01:17:52
or their pranks Well, you never know how much01:17:55
imagination a child has. Maybe rich And this is01:17:58
our teacher Maria Petrovna to my01:18:01
Vovka, well, in general, well, I don’t know, she finds fault all the time01:18:03
Stop it being so sharp on01:18:07
child to react I say children say01:18:09
as you know the flowers of our life she told me and01:18:13
we are not brooms either01:18:16
and what else I didn’t like was the essay she01:18:20
gave him so he wrote the essay from01:18:22
one phrase imagine the section was on the01:18:24
topic Is it easy to be young and Vovka01:18:28
wrote from the sea in which age01:18:33
Let there be beauty contests But let01:18:36
also, you know, there will be a01:18:38
spiritual beauty contest in which everyone participates01:18:42
and they will love you not for drawn01:18:46
eyes but for their warmth and smile01:18:50
because, as the sage said, beautiful is the one who01:18:53
acts beautiful01:19:02
[music]01:19:09
We wish you happiness and good luck and your01:19:13
loved ones and even applause01:19:19
[music]01:19:30
[applause]01:19:32
[music]01:21:51
[applause]Description:
Хаханьки - 11.10.2015 Смеяться разрешается - настоящий праздник смеха, юмора, музыки и пародии. В шоу: монологи, юморески, оригинальные номера, музыкальные пародии,популярные песни. Приготовьтесь смеяться и удивляться!
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