Download "Семен Альтов.Юбилей.60 лет.Юмористический концерт.Юмор.Приколы."
%3Aformat(webp)%2Fi.ytimg.com%252Fvi%252FmvNpTFjqmWI%252Fsddefault.jpg&w=1139&q=75)
Please wait. We're preparing links for easy ad-free video watching and downloading.
Similar videos from our catalog
%3Aformat(webp)%2Fi.ytimg.com%252Fvi%252F1ccbqFNadPE%252Fhqdefault.jpg%253Fsqp%253D-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AHeA4AC6AKKAgwIABABGFUgRShlMA8%253D%2526rs%253DAOn4CLBkaYVh7mHbkUlCW7slBxVNFM-I-Q&w=1139&q=75)
%3Aformat(webp)%2Fi.ytimg.com%252Fvi%252F8G7TbLsDi0Y%252Fsddefault.jpg&w=1139&q=75)
%3Aformat(webp)%2Fi.ytimg.com%252Fvi%252FArrNJRtwYHE%252Fhqdefault.jpg&w=1139&q=75)
%3Aformat(webp)%2Fi.ytimg.com%252Fvi%252FQJxpBbb3FXo%252Fhqdefault.jpg%253Fsqp%253D-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AH-BIAC6AKKAgwIABABGH8gOSgTMA8%253D%2526rs%253DAOn4CLBOgVpJI95iW1ro48jKVoMOzv2rgQ&w=1139&q=75)
%3Aformat(webp)%2Fi.ytimg.com%252Fvi%252FSGpTUUPZRKk%252Fhqdefault.jpg&w=1139&q=75)
%3Aformat(webp)%2Fi.ytimg.com%252Fvi%252FT_p9izjjf3U%252Fsddefault.jpg&w=1139&q=75)
%3Aformat(webp)%2Fi.ytimg.com%252Fvi%252Fq4GDw-c-cQg%252Fhqdefault.jpg&w=1139&q=75)
%3Aformat(webp)%2Fi.ytimg.com%252Fvi%252FrMQk_GT8mIM%252Fhqdefault.jpg&w=1139&q=75)
%3Aformat(webp)%2Fi.ytimg.com%252Fvi%252Ft7Pj_kndHBU%252Fhqdefault.jpg&w=1139&q=75)
Video tags
Subtitles
Russian
00:00:03
understand Looking at me that this is00:00:05
of course a Joke I00:00:06
just needed a reason to gather00:00:09
so many wonderful, very busy people in one place on one day00:00:14
and If today you forget for at least 2 hours00:00:17
about what is happening behind the walls00:00:19
of this hall, we will consider that the Evening was a00:00:21
success.00:00:24
Today I kind of00:00:26
had a little time reading here, there are a lot of00:00:29
wonderful people who do it00:00:30
better than me.00:00:32
Although Valentina Ivanovna prefers my00:00:34
performance,00:00:36
she has good taste,00:00:43
it’s like a type of men, sexy from an00:00:46
erotic point of view, the first type00:00:49
is called a parrot, a00:00:51
restless sexy man more precisely,00:00:54
sexual restless00:00:56
the most inopportune moment they ask a00:00:59
woman Is it good with him00:01:01
she is captured by passion Whispers Good00:01:03
good he asks again good00:01:09
woman mutters without losing rhythm because00:01:16
you don’t deceive with anyone00:01:19
the truth is as good as I won’t eat good it00:01:22
wasn’t or good Yes as with anyone Or like00:01:26
with no one as a result the woman screams bad00:01:29
I’m bad with you00:01:31
he interrogates bad because with no one00:01:35
Yes like with no one here he calms down and00:01:38
Whispers so yes he knew00:01:40
by the way there is exactly the same type of women00:01:42
parrots they seek a positive00:01:45
answer yes good so many times bye00:01:48
will not turn into a negative feeling00:01:50
that they are entering into an intimate relationship00:01:52
in order to make sure that it’s worse than With00:01:55
them there can’t be anyone especially00:01:58
good in bed two parrots He and00:02:01
she00:02:04
torture each other how bad it is with them00:02:09
you already see their rivals in the world no00:02:11
receives complete mutual satisfaction00:02:14
called Apollo00:02:18
mythological beautiful no flaws00:02:21
on the outside smooth like sea Pebbles00:02:23
you know what is good and I invite everyone00:02:26
to admire yourself as a work of00:02:28
art Well imagine you came to00:02:31
the Hermitage or rather the Hermitage came to you do00:02:35
n’t doubt that a woman caress its00:02:38
charm and receive unearthly pleasure00:02:39
Therefore in bed it doesn’t interfere with loving yourself00:02:42
lies like a log on which it is written what you00:02:45
want to do with me Since you are so00:02:48
lucky, the00:02:50
mind of absence is more than replaced by uselessness with00:02:53
muscles. Besides, from the mind, as00:02:55
you know, thoughts wrinkles twist effects and00:02:59
also smooth what’s on the butt and what’s on the face00:03:03
loves to emerge from the sea in the summer00:03:05
sparkling drops of water dry in the rays of the00:03:08
sun girl's eyes indulges himself00:03:10
with the people I know that they like to be photographed against his background00:03:13
so periodically00:03:16
freezes raising his beautiful leg00:03:19
arouses the admiration of dogs00:03:24
smart women with good taste love to00:03:27
invite him to visit and put a glass00:03:29
in the corner next to him with a floor vase00:03:31
it turns out wonderful00:03:34
and the last type is called a sergeant in00:03:38
bed all these lines are pulled up with him00:03:41
well weak women who like to00:03:43
obey everything clearly and on command from00:03:46
left to right equals00:03:49
[music]00:04:00
Well, it’s true that over the years the command becomes shorter and00:04:02
shorter00:04:04
this is that rare case when the higher00:04:07
the title is all the more modest, the opportunity00:04:14
will begin in the sky, the plane hummed,00:04:17
ours flew, said the field mouse to my daughter,00:04:23
this is someone like bats Are00:04:29
we flying? It will00:04:31
certainly happen in the morning;00:04:46
and at the same time, the mouse’s dream is difficult to00:04:49
say because everyone’s dreams are different00:04:52
and tragedies rarely happen, remember00:04:56
the advice before you dream Look around00:05:01
Make sure that no one nearby00:05:04
is dreaming00:05:06
she will come true in the family but I’m not sure that00:05:09
yours Thank you00:05:11
[applause]00:05:14
on stage there is a master of disguises a man with00:05:18
1000 faces00:05:20
inimitable Roman Kartsev00:05:25
[applause]00:05:28
[music]00:05:30
Now there are computers and pagers, mobile phones00:05:32
For writers there are more devices than the00:05:34
writers themselves, and writers less and00:05:37
less00:05:46
then I’m00:05:54
working on a play by Semyon Aitov00:05:57
called The waiting room is an airport00:06:00
from where no one flies out, doesn’t00:06:02
arrive anywhere, some Somalin doesn’t00:06:04
accept everyone sits weddings people went to00:06:08
school give birth to children absolutely don’t fly do00:06:12
n’t fly over delay00:06:14
flights are delayed And I, too, as a00:06:16
passenger, am flying to childhood, naturally Where00:06:18
else can I fly and with this I remembered00:06:21
several such cases that00:06:23
happened And it’s all true how I was flying00:06:26
by plane to Odessa and suddenly there was a00:06:29
wild Scream, some passenger called the00:06:32
flight attendant shouting to the girls, what’s the matter,00:06:34
your prices are increasing, the service is not00:06:37
your paths are getting better, your00:06:39
apartments are dirty, your toilets are dirty,00:06:42
what's the matter, the girl says, the woman is00:06:45
absolutely noisy, you're00:06:47
flying for the last time, why are you making noise,00:06:50
we're going tomorrow, we did00:06:53
n't tell you about the case when the pilot, well, the00:06:56
ship's commander was brought in just under the arms of00:07:09
another character who calls and00:07:13
calls New York Hello hello hello Mishanya00:07:15
Mishanya something you have an echo some00:07:19
echo you have there Mishanya this You didn’t recognize00:07:21
me you need Well you know okay00:07:24
No I’m not in New York No I’m not in00:07:27
New York I’m not going anywhere at all I’ve been sitting00:07:29
here for 3 years I’m not flying anywhere I00:07:31
decided to call you so there’s ours Just00:07:33
quickly two dollars a minute you00:07:37
only understood you have a lisp and in the00:07:42
dentist’s chair00:07:44
I’m already frozen And I already called I say00:07:48
Just quickly let’s quickly so so00:08:22
Why00:08:24
and planned Lord,00:08:28
let's quickly00:08:31
Rose gave birth to 70 years00:08:35
of you are such doctors or such Rose00:08:39
don't need to tell me the length of the child00:08:41
don't need me no I'm not interested00:08:44
finish with the child I've already00:08:46
spent 7 dollars in the soup tail further Let's00:08:49
just quickly quickly00:09:01
nothing00:09:06
else00:09:38
It's your business I don’t interfere, let’s00:09:40
continue Okay, okay, then come on, don’t don’t00:09:43
need me about Ira, don’t tell00:09:46
me about Ira, she ruined my whole life, she00:09:47
burned down the house,00:09:50
why to get insurance and00:09:53
got 5 years,00:09:57
then let’s00:10:12
fight,00:10:16
you have one car,00:10:51
he still has yours sores gone 15 dollars00:10:55
Thank God that you have it, according to the theory of00:10:58
probability I should be00:10:59
fine Goodbye00:11:00
trumpet00:11:02
15 dollars to calm down00:11:07
[applause]00:11:23
[applause]00:11:28
[music]00:11:30
owner of the best figure among comedians00:11:35
Mr. universal00:11:37
Dramatic actor singer the ascent to00:11:40
Olympus00:11:42
is due to a monologue this penitent Mary00:11:46
Magdalene00:11:49
[applause]00:11:51
[music]00:11:55
[applause]00:11:56
[music]00:11:59
[applause] [music]00:12:06
This summer I was in Greece and brought00:12:09
this souvenir for the seeds, here are the00:12:12
letters of the ancient Greek00:12:14
alphabet inscribed here, if you put them together in the right way00:12:16
you get a poem by Homer The Iliad00:12:23
[applause]00:12:24
this is on this side, but on this side the00:12:27
Odyssey00:12:28
No, on the contrary, I'm sorry Well, you00:12:31
're supposed to read the classics before going to bed.00:12:34
Today we're celebrating their00:12:37
wonderful anniversary alive. A classic from00:12:39
St. Petersburg00:12:42
[applause]00:12:46
many works, seeds for him only00:12:50
what an actor could wish for,00:12:51
a little inspiration after all good luck00:12:55
[applause]00:13:09
[music]00:13:17
no children00:13:19
I open the door on the doorstep two in masks with00:13:22
machine guns can you come in00:13:26
tonight let's spend it together00:13:30
this is my wife's request00:13:33
no George Bush has arrived We didn't seem to00:13:37
invite00:13:39
the motorcade will pass along your street according to the00:13:42
instructions we are responsible for security00:13:44
in case terrorists shoot out of your window00:13:46
or the wife is crazy, the00:13:57
refrigerator burst in first, that’s how I00:14:00
felt the jellied meat here.00:14:04
Well, if the special forces destroy the enemy00:14:07
because the jellied meat is00:14:29
not necessary, I should tap my fingers on the table, I need00:14:33
the special forces soldier to tap on the forehead, this is our00:14:35
employee with a lime shepherd.00:14:37
Well, I drank lime for the employee.00:14:40
Personally, I’m ready for Bush’s visit.00:14:44
Interesting like the others, the00:14:47
special forces soldier asked for a weapon through an00:14:49
optical sight. I assessed the situation in00:14:52
the house opposite00:14:53
and the neighbor comes out of the shower00:14:57
at such a magnification; she has timid dreams;00:15:01
she has kidney stones;00:15:41
the other one is buried behind his wife; only the muzzle of00:15:46
the machine gun is shaking; the00:15:51
young man keeps his distance00:15:54
according to the instructions; we can use the folds of00:15:57
the terrain;00:15:59
I don’t know. instructions came out or not00:16:02
such a fist of special forces00:16:05
4 hands Who was the first to pull the trigger A00:16:15
bullet pierced the window through the sky Searchlights were ripped open00:16:17
Shooting00:16:18
[music]00:16:21
suffered Can you imagine00:16:27
on TV00:16:52
[applause]00:17:04
now there is no part of the body that00:17:06
could not be replaced or updated by00:17:14
one lady Well, since the husband is not could00:17:18
concentrate on her,00:17:23
classic surgeons dented the foundation from00:17:26
several chairs until elastic with swords00:17:29
at the sight of this lady, let’s say the man00:17:31
woke up in volleyball.00:17:34
Well, of course, a lady’s friend is such a sign of a00:17:39
woman’s pride, death,00:17:42
and every woman God gave to a local00:17:45
group,00:17:50
here is medicine, plastic surgery,00:17:53
offering to inflate women’s charms at00:17:56
the price list00:17:59
leaving, she gets stuck,00:18:06
she decides to have an operation00:18:16
[music]00:18:20
[applause] a00:18:22
luxurious breast is formed for four00:18:26
people,00:18:29
a misfortune happens, the husband00:18:32
grabs it in joy and suppresses it, or it turns out that the breast has a00:18:36
displaced center, the00:18:38
wandering breast rolls out from00:18:41
where it is not waiting for it,00:18:43
you play thimbles cleanly Guess Where00:18:45
it will appear from left to right of course00:18:51
old age, youth gives00:18:54
wrinkles on the forehead for a reason; her eyebrows are tucked up;00:18:59
she has fun;00:19:04
problems00:19:26
with pigtails; in a00:19:28
rattling voice, she asks you to take00:19:31
her across the road;00:19:34
to move her; old age must be respected,00:19:39
no matter how young she looks00:19:43
[applause]00:19:44
[music]00:19:47
[applause] the00:19:49
timbre of Semyon's voice has already been precisely established by science00:19:53
Altov00:19:55
calms a man and excites women00:19:58
Semyon Altov00:20:01
[applause]00:20:05
[music]00:20:07
Yunika Zlovich lived with his honest family for 38 years in a00:20:10
communal apartment for00:20:12
25 people00:20:25
Monday00:20:38
was almost impossible00:20:55
Maxim Petrovich opened his eyes to the sides and00:20:58
said00:20:59
If you were the mother of the heroine or at00:21:01
least goes he is for help If you are00:21:04
normal, alas, I can’t help you with anything and00:21:06
then Lenya flashed out a phrase that was00:21:08
senseless to the point of genius Maxim00:21:11
Petrovich the sizes of our gratitude will be00:21:13
limitless within reason00:21:19
touched Thursday after three and don’t forget00:21:21
the sizes of the boundaries of00:21:24
the house Yun said got married against fainting00:21:27
I knocked out the three-room Lucy like at00:21:29
the command, the air collapsed to the floor00:21:31
Lynch, since you have something in mind for us and00:21:35
a one-room will never give00:21:37
you, as if it were sin, a light hand out of00:21:39
nothing00:21:43
Listen and then get out of here everything is clean00:21:46
But you will have to give a little something promised00:21:48
I said in size and gratitude will be00:21:51
limitless within reason,00:21:54
translate from idiotic into Russian00:21:57
how00:22:00
much we have stash left 10500:22:03
rubles means that’s what00:22:07
people will get cried Lenchik you will be imprisoned you don’t00:22:10
know how to give they will take you in the elevator on the00:22:13
bus and the task of a bribe is from 3 to 8 years00:22:17
you know they will give you 1000:22:21
Lenchik for who are you abandoning us I00:22:24
never in my life could not give or take I00:22:26
will remember the sheepskin coat that you got me on00:22:29
the cheap for 6,000 rubles This terrible bullet00:22:32
-ridden police sheepskin coat00:22:34
[applause]00:22:35
which was barely sold a year later for 1,00000:22:39
rubles along with the wardrobe00:22:41
what a deal I’ll recommend if you’re so smart00:22:44
what if the kids give you a converter, so00:22:48
instead of money, seal up a folded newspaper,00:22:51
give the envelope only after00:22:54
you get a warrant and run away,00:22:57
it won’t happen that they didn’t guess the bribe,00:22:59
well done00:23:02
for a three-room newspaper, Soviet Sport,00:23:06
overnight people, just in case,00:23:08
prepared three envelopes with newspapers00:23:10
folded as a bribe And tomorrow Lenya was00:23:13
shaking with fear, entered the office, the issue00:23:15
was resolved positively, said Maxim00:23:17
Petrovich, all that remained was to sign his complaints,00:23:19
all Maxim Petrovich00:23:21
and then the size of my borders would not eat00:23:25
any gratitude00:23:27
Wednesday and return in 5 minutes and00:23:30
helped in front of Lena’s nose with a signed00:23:32
delicious smelling warrant,00:23:34
a three-room apartment was written there Luna pulled for00:23:37
the order, but Maxim Petrovich looked in amazement00:23:40
at everyone on the table, then at Lenya, as00:23:43
if wondering whether Lenya would go into the box00:23:47
or not, having unscrewed the order, Lenya threw an00:23:51
envelope into the doll's box and the wind like a beast00:23:53
muttered a big thank you, you want00:23:55
more,00:23:57
and then as if out of the ground two grew up and00:24:00
said in unison, unknown, the00:24:02
eldest affectionately beckoned people from the queue,00:24:05
obviously so that they would share his joy, you00:24:08
will be witnesses Confirm the bribe, the00:24:11
junior operative opened the drawers00:24:18
professionally like a magician, wished for the00:24:20
sleeves so that everyone would be convinced that00:24:23
he had nothing on his sleeves,00:24:25
carefully took out a neatly folded00:24:28
Soviet sport, winking00:24:31
to understand that the trick is still ahead,00:24:36
he began to unfold the tender00:24:39
sheet of newspaper, the witnesses with their mouths wide open behind the00:24:43
fierce skate Justice in the eyes were waiting for00:24:45
the finale Nothing makes us as00:24:48
honest as someone else’s crime,00:24:51
finally the newspaper was unfolded, two00:24:54
full printed sheets, the obkhss worker00:24:57
stupidly looked at the newspaper from both sides,00:25:01
hit the paper with his palm, otherwise shake00:25:05
I hope that after paying for the money, your trick didn’t00:25:09
work out.00:25:12
Soviet sport00:25:14
made a bold conclusion. Maxim Petrovich, for00:25:18
whom this conclusion was even more00:25:20
unexpected than for the others,00:25:25
distrust. Touched the newspaper with his hand;00:25:29
pinched himself; the00:25:34
power of speech returned to him00:25:37
naturally; Soviet sport;00:25:45
agreed;00:25:50
junior worker, both ends with the face of a00:25:53
man who buried for the day of all00:25:55
the relatives, he00:25:57
mechanically folded the newspaper, stuck the envelope00:26:00
and threw it into the desk drawer, there were tears in his eyes00:26:03
Maxim Petrovich rushed to Lena00:26:06
for a long time, shaking his hand Thank you for the newspaper, I do00:26:12
n’t even know how to thank you, I00:26:16
just can’t imagine how I would live without00:26:18
this newspaper, the00:26:22
magazine hasn’t told me yet there is a light,00:26:26
I can bring it00:26:28
No, this will be an article, it’s true, comrades,00:26:32
and Take your envelope, it’s not someone else’s, you don’t00:26:35
need to put it00:26:39
in your pocket, senior,00:26:42
everything is free. Although, of course,00:26:46
at home, Lenya grabbed his wife in his arms and00:26:49
pretended to00:26:50
hold her around the room. After reading the text, Lucy cried,00:26:54
darling, such luck and you are free00:27:03
so that you didn’t think anything I’m returning00:27:06
the envelope to you Lenya threw the envelope on the table00:27:10
people picked it up and suddenly a thousand and fifty00:27:13
green banknotes fell from there00:27:16
Lenechka here 5000:27:21
thousand rubles00:27:22
you accidentally killed someone00:27:26
Lucy got ready to cry Lenya slowly00:27:30
poured bitterness from a spoon onto his trousers00:27:32
without looking up Looking for unprecedented money00:27:35
Maybe it was the inspector who gave you a bribe00:27:38
for the fact that you saved him in the night when he had it00:27:43
in his box, there was someone’s bribe in the00:27:45
same envelope, he was afraid that they would00:27:48
look for him and put the envelope in the wrong pocket, the00:27:51
bastard00:27:52
won’t give it back,00:27:55
this00:28:00
habit has gone down on your knees you find out00:28:03
that you got a three-room apartment for this, a00:28:05
bribe was taken by the00:28:08
law, they haven’t come up with articles yet, I wo00:28:13
n’t give it to00:28:20
honest people, it’s time to give honestly,00:28:26
they scolded all day and even at night,00:28:29
they gave up at the end of the working day,00:28:32
Chuduev’s office came in and said, Call us with your00:28:34
envelope, we have such the chickens don’t peck00:28:38
Maxim Petrovich develops the bones of00:28:40
the eyes behind his back, he00:28:42
stretched out his hand and at the same moment00:28:45
two people jumped into the office from somewhere above,00:28:48
that is, as if they were carrying the signalman00:28:52
one after the other, they were all the same00:28:55
BCS workers, the senior attached, I’ll ask for00:28:58
an envelope, my dear junior comrades00:29:01
with trembling hands, he opened the envelope,00:29:04
shaking the air, Maxim Petrovich collapsed,00:29:06
Lenya's chair closed his eyes, a00:29:09
Czech groan forced him to open his eyes, the00:29:15
Soviet sports00:29:19
workers00:29:24
had such a facial expression, an expression00:29:28
not even on their faces, black, what did Maxim Petrovich00:29:47
prepare last time, people laughed like00:29:50
crazy, an envelope with money00:29:53
that was lying there came out he left next to me by mistake in the00:29:56
morning00:29:59
I kept telling Lyuska you won’t be lost with me00:30:05
[applause]00:30:08
[music]00:30:16
I want to invite to the stage a man00:30:18
whom all adult children love, women,00:30:25
animals, aliens, everyone loves him, but he00:30:29
only loves one viola Man00:30:32
orchestra Yuri Galtsev00:30:36
[ applause]00:30:50
Well, please, I ask you00:30:53
Applause dear friends00:30:55
[applause]00:31:10
[applause]00:31:14
dear friends of the instrument said such a00:31:17
joke says Yura rock and roll scale00:31:19
you compose songs, all of you are some00:31:21
clumsy shaved people Or maybe00:31:23
just take Vladimir Vladimirovich00:31:24
Mayakovsky00:31:27
rock and roll and Mayakovsky in my opinion it00:31:29
will be great00:31:30
[music]00:31:51
[music]00:32:13
[applause]00:32:21
[music]00:32:25
unique Russian nuggets came from the jeweler00:32:28
10 years they have been working on the level of the00:32:31
highest humor and do not fall00:32:33
Krasnaya Burda magazine Yekaterinburg Homeland00:32:38
Teodorovich Alta seeds Vladimir Loginov and00:32:41
Vladimir Maurin00:32:46
[ music]00:32:50
Good evening dear friends, of course00:32:54
today the main news is the anniversary of00:32:56
our anniversary but other events are happening in the world00:33:00
short news release from the red00:33:02
burda in the Hermitage another hall has been discovered00:33:08
prosperity it is economically unprofitable00:33:12
to see the amber room and rest00:33:18
the sculptor Tsereteli Sculpts a hunchback00:33:22
Russia is the most reading country in toilet00:33:29
Russian confectioners in chocolate00:33:33
Russian cattle breeders no00:33:39
American Armenians demand Calling00:33:42
ourselves Aro-Americans00:33:48
trainer Yuri Kuklachev finally00:33:51
put his head in the cat's mouth The00:33:56
cuckoo threw eggs up to the second00:33:59
floor00:34:01
Leo Tolstoy is like a mirror Binge drinking00:34:06
yesterday today tomorrow00:34:15
and usually what follows is no good news this is an00:34:19
advertisement a short advertising break00:34:21
several advertisements from the00:34:23
pages of the magazine Krasnaya Burda weddings00:34:25
funerals Discount for regular customers00:34:31
home theaters at the price of regular ones00:34:38
[applause]00:34:42
a person rents an apartment00:34:48
call an expensive phone00:34:52
Islambek or Aigul00:34:55
gender change without surgical00:34:58
intervention a00:35:00
unique set of retracting and00:35:03
pulling exercises according to the00:35:06
Chinese method hermits00:35:09
Russian family will rent a Russian apartment from the00:35:13
Russians pay on time than they are Russian00:35:18
call on the Russian phone speak00:35:20
Russian00:35:22
shop 100 thousand doors Just find the00:35:26
entrance00:35:30
pharmacy number 64 invites you00:35:34
to a sale at the hawthorn counter00:35:44
prices are reduced by 1000:35:48
a tasting is taking place00:35:53
I am changing the Mercedes 600 by 2 300 each00:35:58
Who found a00:36:01
4000 carat diamond ring in Gorky Park near the carousel, a00:36:04
passport and license in the name of00:36:07
Vladimir Mordukhovich, a wallet with three hundred rubles00:36:09
and a plastic bag with cottage cheese and00:36:12
milk. Give me at least the ring,00:36:17
I’ll sell my Belaz car after an accident, the00:36:23
right wheel got damaged. The00:36:28
Big Symphony Orchestra will brighten up00:36:32
yours loneliness00:36:36
winter sale Fins00:36:39
buy fins in winter Help us00:36:44
diving center Jaws we00:36:47
invite managers of all levels to a00:36:51
business seminar the topic of increasing the income of00:36:54
organizers Business seminars at the expense of00:36:57
managers of all levels00:37:01
we wanted to give00:37:03
[music]00:37:04
on behalf of the author's team of Krasnaya00:37:08
Burda with whom he is well acquainted in honor of00:37:11
60 -year anniversary of 60 magazines Krasnaya00:37:15
Burda00:37:19
and then they thought 60 60 and decided to add00:37:23
another 6000:37:26
and then they thought00:37:29
and added 9 more00:37:31
and we don’t have any more00:37:35
dear Semyon Teodorovich Krasnaya Burda is00:37:38
all yours from cover to cover happy anniversary to you00:37:43
[applause]00:37:51
[music]00:37:53
short00:37:55
shows a dialogue typical for00:37:58
spouses who have been together for at00:37:59
least 10 years.00:38:01
What do you think about taking an expensive sweater with00:38:05
you?00:38:06
Take it; she00:38:08
says it’s good;00:38:12
don’t take it;00:38:15
but it’s too hot in the evening; you’re alone without a sweater;00:38:33
honey, do as you please, my God, it’s00:38:36
such a small thing, he can’t decide on00:38:38
his own00:38:40
whether to take a sweater or not to take it so that you00:38:44
burn, take it.00:38:46
Perhaps you’re right to say something00:38:49
too much with you, it’s true, I won’t take it00:38:54
[applause]00:38:57
wrote it down almost literally, it’s true it was in00:39:00
the spring, a00:39:01
household goods store the homeless man fans the00:39:05
lilacs00:39:09
asks the saleswoman Excuse me This00:39:13
alcohol-based remedy for cockroaches00:39:17
is effective00:39:19
so far no complaints00:39:22
but how long will it take for it to work00:39:26
on the cockroach00:39:29
Well, let’s say00:39:32
in two hours the corpse00:39:34
No, I wouldn’t share it00:39:37
in the evening I’m waiting for the lady I want her to stand00:39:40
with me the mongrel00:39:46
ran up to the poodles tail How are00:39:49
you doing curly00:39:51
why are we so sad got hit by a car00:39:54
miraculously was left intact you see the tail was00:39:57
amputated eccentric of joy that the living00:40:00
has nothing to be happy about there is no tail can00:40:05
you imagine to your friends they bagged a00:40:08
gold Rolex watch for 8 dollars00:40:13
it turned out they were not gold Swiss from a00:40:17
cast iron Mongolian one,00:40:19
after a day they stopped ticking opened a00:40:23
dead grasshopper inside which a00:40:28
good friend came from Istanbul to extinguish00:40:31
I will make a video with my eyes closed00:40:48
[applause] the00:41:11
light came on My dear mother was on my00:41:14
knee It turns out it was My hand00:41:18
but I got a buzz for two hours00:41:24
You won’t believe in a year not a single case00:41:27
of drowning even choke happened00:41:30
Neptune came to me a00:41:32
handsome Rottweiler Rescuer00:41:35
sitting on the fifth knee who floundered in the water00:41:38
Neptune with a stranglehold on his hair drags the00:41:41
shore along with his hair00:41:43
pulled out bodies of more than 100 kg in August00:41:47
saved 105 people in one day00:41:51
noticed no one swims00:41:55
life is more expensive00:41:59
[applause]00:42:01
never turn your back on a tiger,00:42:05
especially don’t even think about running will cover jumping00:42:37
and00:42:39
old age from worries; wrinkles on the face across00:42:43
along the skin are flabby. But on00:42:47
the buttocks, until the last days, elastic,00:42:50
smooth, this is the secret of youth. Don’t00:42:55
take anything into your head00:42:59
[applause]00:43:07
[music] [00:43:11
applause]00:43:13
[music]00:43:33
[applause]00:43:34
[music]00:43:47
unique number a man without fears00:43:50
entering a cage with an audience00:43:53
floors any hall an artist is a high-00:43:57
class bomb Earth air hall a child learned to read00:44:00
and write on modologists and this is me00:44:05
[applause]00:44:09
[music]00:44:10
find out when Senya invited me to00:44:14
his anniversary I thought for a long time what to give him,00:44:18
what to give him he doesn’t have everything already, but00:44:22
for example, he00:44:23
thought that he doesn’t have a00:44:26
Cadillac,00:44:29
he doesn’t have any00:44:31
And I don’t have it00:44:35
here, it’s difficult to give something that00:44:38
he doesn’t have, I have Therefore, it’s difficult with a gift00:44:41
here, but maybe something00:44:43
more modest00:44:45
I know at anniversaries there is an address00:44:57
and the address of a person who will00:45:00
idolize Senya every day, saying that he is00:45:03
the best, that he likes his work,00:45:06
but Larisa is sitting there. His wife says00:45:09
that such a person00:45:11
Senya already has, this is his wife. So it was in00:45:13
vain to negotiate with this girl00:45:19
it would be money just to go out00:45:22
I wonder if there is money today or not00:45:25
What do you think he will answer with the truth or00:45:28
as an intellectual from St. Petersburg00:45:32
with money I don’t know how I don’t have money00:45:34
already I spent all the money on a gift I00:45:38
spent the money on a film script with my00:45:42
family a feature film therefore00:45:45
find out what is the difference between an expensive film00:45:49
and an ordinary ordinary cheap one, you know00:45:51
when You know, tell me00:45:56
Well, an expensive film is when an ordinary film explodes in the frame00:46:02
When a Mercedes arrives and00:46:05
explodes behind the scenes and cheap ones00:46:14
Therefore, I had enough money for a script for such a film,00:46:16
but the films made are00:46:21
good. In general, the artists were busy,00:46:24
Bezrukov Menshikov Gurchenko,00:46:28
everyone was busy, you understand, but00:46:32
the film is about a multi-part series, so I00:46:35
’ll tell you from memory so as not to00:46:37
tear you away from this script for a long time, which means the first00:46:41
film, the first series, this is the origin of life00:46:45
is00:46:49
behind the birth of a00:46:51
short film Such a series is short In00:46:54
general,it could00:46:56
Personnel voice00:46:58
all of nature00:47:00
was waiting for the birth of a New seed a small00:47:05
midge a small fly Yes, what a little00:47:08
old fly00:47:12
was beating its head00:47:27
and did not understand why it was beating its head00:47:30
on the glass When is it possible she said00:47:32
asked Tell me why are you beating your00:47:34
heads this glass When can you fly out of the00:47:37
open window the old fly already barely00:47:45
take off fly in [ __ ] every fool00:47:47
can do it00:47:53
for this And you them Try to work with your00:47:55
head00:47:59
father00:48:03
[ __ ] up with your head00:48:04
only through difficulties you can become a00:48:07
human being born Semyon he00:48:09
will write about it all they wrote about it00:48:13
means the script is00:48:21
small and he screams Do you think00:48:41
he is St. Petersburg in general in society he doesn’t scream00:48:46
when everyone hasn’t been born,00:48:48
let’s be cowards already00:48:53
First love The first love of00:48:56
the series is busy with Semyon and00:49:01
Larisa You see, the00:49:06
wife This is the last love00:49:11
and I say Senya is a writer, so00:49:14
his first love was the printed00:49:18
word00:49:19
and only then after that after that how00:49:24
he developed this love, then he00:49:26
developed a love for his00:49:30
wife, something obsessive,00:49:35
then he developed a love for work,00:49:41
and after that he developed a00:49:44
real great feeling of love for his00:49:52
homeland,00:49:55
and after that the second00:49:58
series ends and the third series Triumph begins00:50:01
This episode will be filmed now, which means there is a00:50:04
lonely blue chair on stage00:50:07
because there is no canopy on tour,00:50:10
you know this monologue when we are sad00:50:12
because we are getting used to everything, the00:50:14
roofs over our heads used to make us happy, now the00:50:15
low ceilings are annoying. Under this00:50:17
roof is the wrong area, the person we love, the wife, is00:50:19
closer which no one has ever had and00:50:21
doesn’t exist. That’s what’s annoying,00:50:26
plus there’s also wonderful borscht with sour cream,00:50:28
but the borscht itself is already here. It’s the same00:50:30
with work, which used to get00:50:32
satisfaction for 100 rubles in a restaurant,00:50:35
they danced for you. But now00:50:38
I don’t want to go far to Canada anymore and one00:50:40
wise man said that you need to change everything00:50:42
in order to come back and everything is like the first00:50:45
time, with joy it means that if the wife and more00:50:47
are getting00:50:48
to hell with rubbish, and there are all new00:50:51
hotels, women are cockroaches in the hotel.00:50:54
The nightmare is such that the wife dreams of a new one,00:50:56
it means it’s time to go home to the family with age, the pace00:50:59
increases, before you even have time to spit on work, you’re00:51:00
already rushing to go on tour from which you want to00:51:03
run away after00:51:05
landing just like that. That’s why a00:51:07
person loves moving because he’s on the00:51:09
road. He’s between what is and00:51:12
what will be, which is the same thing, there’s no shade00:51:15
in this series he checks whether there is success00:51:18
or not, it’s worth A lonely chair and there are gifts in it00:51:23
Here’s a small car called00:51:29
Cadillac00:51:32
Senya is our Zhvanetsky00:51:35
and Zhvanetsky is a briefcase00:51:39
you are our lasso00:51:41
arcana this is now a song song You are00:51:44
Pugacheva Pugacheva is Galkin And Galkin00:51:46
is 50/5000:51:51
you can ask help00:51:59
[applause]00:52:02
and finally Senya a gift from me he is00:52:05
modest these are cubes00:52:12
[applause]00:52:15
[music]00:52:18
these are ordinary simple cubes00:52:21
on each of these cubes00:52:24
there is a letter00:52:26
and there are 33 in total00:52:30
and each of us can make words from these letters00:52:38
mom00:52:39
dad00:52:41
[music]00:52:43
Triumph00:52:46
anniversary00:52:48
[music]00:52:50
and only one person is you,00:52:54
from these simple cubes I am sure00:52:58
and I have added and will add words00:53:03
and then a sentence00:53:05
that makes people smile00:53:08
[music]00:53:13
You make them laugh00:53:18
when they want to be sad00:53:20
[music]00:53:21
these cubes are simple00:53:24
but here is a person00:53:27
who from these simple letters00:53:31
he composes00:53:33
magical works00:53:36
[applause]00:53:42
and as00:53:46
for the address, it00:53:49
really is, I ask you to00:53:53
bring it, which you will always have. I am the00:53:56
person who idolized you.00:54:04
You are the best and I started with your00:54:08
works. I think besides my address00:54:11
there will be people in the hall who will write00:54:13
their addresses, their telephone numbers and on these00:54:17
telephone numbers00:54:19
You can call every day and they00:54:23
will say these words to you00:54:25
and as for the flowers that are usually00:54:28
given for an anniversary, I will ask you to00:54:31
bring these flowers00:54:32
[applause]00:54:33
[music]00:54:41
Thank you00:54:50
all,00:54:57
dear gentlemen00:55:00
as it was said today,00:55:04
this is a specially made clock, it00:55:07
will count down exactly 10 years And when the00:55:10
last grain of sand falls, we will00:55:13
meet here again for the 70th anniversary of00:55:15
altov seeds. We want that in 10 years, in00:55:18
this hall, remember your places,00:55:20
everyone who was here today will gather without loss;00:55:23
tickets are valid see you in exactly00:55:26
10 years00:55:29
[music]Description:
Семен Альтов.Юбилей.60 лет.Юмористический концерт.Юмор.Приколы. Семён А́льтов (настоящее имя Семён Теодо́рович Альтшуллер; род. 17 января 1945, Свердловск) — советский и российский писатель-сатирик. Заслуженный деятель искусств Российской Федерации.Произведения писателя-сатирика Семена Альтова исполняли почти все отечественные юмористы.Произведения Альтова исполняли Г. Хазанов, К. Новикова, Е. Шифрин, В. Винокур, кроме того, свои произведения исполняет и автор. Альтов выделяется среди прочих выступающих писателей-юмористов своеобразной исполнительской манерой. Альтов читает свои монологи с непроницаемым и даже мрачным выражением лица, однообразным низким голосом со своеобразным акцентом. Манера произношения Альтова пародируется многими эстрадными артистами (бр. Пономаренко, Христенко и т. д.).
Preparing download options
* — If the video is playing in a new tab, go to it, then right-click on the video and select "Save video as..."
** — Link intended for online playback in specialized players
Questions about downloading video
How can I download "Семен Альтов.Юбилей.60 лет.Юмористический концерт.Юмор.Приколы." video?
http://unidownloader.com/ website is the best way to download a video or a separate audio track if you want to do without installing programs and extensions.
The UDL Helper extension is a convenient button that is seamlessly integrated into YouTube, Instagram and OK.ru sites for fast content download.
UDL Client program (for Windows) is the most powerful solution that supports more than 900 websites, social networks and video hosting sites, as well as any video quality that is available in the source.
UDL Lite is a really convenient way to access a website from your mobile device. With its help, you can easily download videos directly to your smartphone.
Which format of "Семен Альтов.Юбилей.60 лет.Юмористический концерт.Юмор.Приколы." video should I choose?
The best quality formats are FullHD (1080p), 2K (1440p), 4K (2160p) and 8K (4320p). The higher the resolution of your screen, the higher the video quality should be. However, there are other factors to consider: download speed, amount of free space, and device performance during playback.
Why does my computer freeze when loading a "Семен Альтов.Юбилей.60 лет.Юмористический концерт.Юмор.Приколы." video?
The browser/computer should not freeze completely! If this happens, please report it with a link to the video. Sometimes videos cannot be downloaded directly in a suitable format, so we have added the ability to convert the file to the desired format. In some cases, this process may actively use computer resources.
How can I download "Семен Альтов.Юбилей.60 лет.Юмористический концерт.Юмор.Приколы." video to my phone?
You can download a video to your smartphone using the website or the PWA application UDL Lite. It is also possible to send a download link via QR code using the UDL Helper extension.
How can I download an audio track (music) to MP3 "Семен Альтов.Юбилей.60 лет.Юмористический концерт.Юмор.Приколы."?
The most convenient way is to use the UDL Client program, which supports converting video to MP3 format. In some cases, MP3 can also be downloaded through the UDL Helper extension.
How can I save a frame from a video "Семен Альтов.Юбилей.60 лет.Юмористический концерт.Юмор.Приколы."?
This feature is available in the UDL Helper extension. Make sure that "Show the video snapshot button" is checked in the settings. A camera icon should appear in the lower right corner of the player to the left of the "Settings" icon. When you click on it, the current frame from the video will be saved to your computer in JPEG format.
What's the price of all this stuff?
It costs nothing. Our services are absolutely free for all users. There are no PRO subscriptions, no restrictions on the number or maximum length of downloaded videos.