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Video tags
Subtitles
Russian
00:00:01
[music]00:00:13
[music]00:00:22
You girls are three friends Yes, here are three00:00:25
friends right where you know each other00:00:28
from work you are new friends but also work you00:00:36
can pronounce you can’t you can00:00:39
talk Everyone everyone loosen up00:00:42
a little if you want if someone is tight we can00:00:44
breathe00:00:46
guys I’m telling you, they didn’t00:00:49
tell us to finish at 20:40. I’m on stage for 600:00:52
minutes, there’s still a00:00:54
whole lot of time and I’m not at all what I planned. I00:00:59
have some piece00:01:00
for 20 minutes. Well, just for 20 minutes. I’ll film it00:01:03
a little bit now. audience00:01:07
Sorry, please, I didn’t mean to. Can I00:01:10
then give this one away for the sake of the microphone? I’ve already00:01:12
dropped it once. I’m wildly sorry, I00:01:14
honestly didn’t mean to. Let’s00:01:16
applaud the director’s sound, please,00:01:19
in fact, he also does the work,00:01:22
all the settings, light, sound. So this is it’s00:01:25
not just like that, otherwise it00:01:30
was like that00:01:31
Let’s better as if we could add a little bit00:01:33
I can00:01:37
now at any moment, damn it00:01:39
would be cool, just you know, find00:01:41
sockets, there are sockets at home You shove00:01:43
sockets everywhere so you can put a charger in00:01:45
and make sure that Jack is in at some00:01:49
point, the microphone is like that, well,00:01:50
dear family,00:01:51
I'm waiting for you in the kitchen, please come00:01:55
So the first one appears in the kitchen00:02:00
like this Well, let's00:02:01
start about the family Yes,00:02:03
so I've been married for 8 or 7 years and during these 7 years00:02:09
I've generally set a goal for myself00:02:12
find out how to take it all out00:02:18
Why Because I can’t sell it to you00:02:21
advertise the00:02:23
family this is a very strange story That is,00:02:27
this is the kind of story that you get into00:02:29
and understand that It seems like there00:02:33
is some kind of plus in this,00:02:38
but you know it’s very [ __ ] not00:02:41
obvious the00:02:42
relationship is work which you00:02:46
really wanted and then when you got it,00:02:49
you know, you didn’t want it anymore,00:02:51
so I think that’s the whole problem00:02:54
: at first you want this job, then you00:02:56
don’t want it. And when you want a job, what do00:02:58
you do at an interview? You’re00:02:59
telling the right story.00:03:01
If you want a job, you’ll lie one00:03:05
hundred percent. you will be asked00:03:08
Knowledge of English00:03:19
you will lie the same thing happens00:03:21
when you are on a date on the first date00:03:24
you started communicating with her you like her you00:03:26
want this job you lie naturally00:03:28
blatantly you want to work so hard00:03:31
that you simply exaggerate to the heavens you00:03:33
send your answers she asks00:03:36
what you have priorities in life, you00:03:39
say loyalty,00:03:42
loyalty to a person close to me,00:03:44
procreation00:03:46
is very interesting. Can you name00:03:48
three of your qualities:00:03:50
determination to complete00:03:52
assigned tasks00:03:56
What is your dream? I dream of finding a woman00:04:00
and taking care of her all my life00:04:03
for the benefit of her and our common children00:04:12
Of course we are deceiving of course This is no, this is not00:04:14
our Goals no this is not like that you00:04:18
told her this once she’s like Wow But00:04:22
it’s your fault that you believe men,00:04:24
well, really Girls, who have you found to00:04:27
trust in general,00:04:29
so00:04:31
I think it has something to do with this we00:04:35
behave like this, we deceive women00:04:37
because we want this job and then we don’t want00:04:40
this job, remember that moment when00:04:43
you were getting ready for a long time, you were waiting for her and didn’t00:04:46
understand that this was just a strange time00:04:49
Well, that is, you’re sitting in the car Well, just like that,00:04:52
she just sees something there to collect00:04:53
now I’ll go out like this Yes, no00:04:57
[ __ ] problem at all I can wait an hour and now00:05:01
if I need to say yes Yes now like this Well,00:05:04
I said [ __ ] in advance00:05:08
now if I’m going to be going for a long time I’m pissing her off,00:05:10
she’s standing like this, she’s screwing up something00:05:13
I’m just in profile00:05:16
[ music]00:05:18
without leaving, just piss off a person as much as possible00:05:20
so that she smears the arrow or00:05:23
something else,00:05:25
now let’s go Yes,00:05:29
I forgot to tell you that if you00:05:32
have a question or00:05:33
want to say something, you can ask a question00:05:37
[laughter]00:05:40
How are you Okay Who said that who00:05:43
said that right away aggression Yes, how are you doing,00:05:48
guys, I don’t know who the hell is, look at the case about00:05:51
your own [ __ ], you can’t write it, but you’ll go to prison,00:05:55
[ __ ] cute And then I don’t00:05:57
want to, I really don’t want to go there, I just wouldn’t want to, I00:06:01
really don’t want to very strong This is the00:06:04
wording Yes and in general00:06:08
some kind of you know to describe humor about00:06:10
some events that are00:06:13
about What events I don’t know what’s going on00:06:16
as if [ __ ] nothing is happening00:06:17
my wife doesn’t say00:06:20
anything stupid Nothing seems to be in This is not normal00:06:24
leads you nothing happens then00:06:28
people say the concert is so-so well what did00:06:30
you want00:06:33
So if someone has some news00:06:37
or events that’s why honestly, honestly [ __ ] fatal00:06:40
fatigue I’m fatal00:06:43
I just don’t even know what to call00:06:46
you ever that you00:06:48
wake up in the morning and the first thing you00:06:50
think after opening your eyes is the00:06:53
thought of how great it will be to come home in the evening to00:06:55
lie down and close your eyes00:07:00
just [ __ ] all day all day00:07:03
that's all If you have such thoughts00:07:05
immediately close your eyes Tell everyone, I00:07:08
’ll miss this day That’s for sure Well,00:07:11
you’re trying to somehow relax. I need some00:07:13
responsibility, there are00:07:14
children. I also need to walk around the house with a positive face,00:07:16
but not very positive,00:07:19
we know the rules. Yes, there00:07:20
must be a neutral face, there must be00:07:24
such a face. in your house, that you are happy00:07:27
While you are in the house, this is how the face should be.00:07:29
I am happy to be among you,00:07:32
for them there should be such a face. Because00:07:34
if you are overly happy, you will have00:07:36
a question for you. My wife asks you,00:07:39
why are you so happy00:07:40
in general? I think that you know what we need to00:07:43
do. I think that in a relationship,00:07:44
you know, someone says family psychologists00:07:46
that you need to00:07:48
talk in a relationship. You heard00:07:50
this.00:07:51
I think that this is the reason for all the problems.00:07:55
I think we need to00:07:57
communicate less in couples. There should be00:07:59
some - something more non-verbal more00:08:01
something you know like00:08:03
everything in principle, in principle everything The00:08:08
problem is that tell a man that00:08:11
doesn’t raise any questions, the rule is that if00:08:13
she’s in a shitty mood Well, don’t00:08:17
talk to her now00:08:19
doesn’t raise the rules Yes, you come in in the00:08:22
morning kitchen you say Good morning She00:08:23
says00:08:25
everything is clear but we won’t talk for a day that the00:08:28
first time we don’t talk will be00:08:31
another day00:08:34
but at the same time the rule should also work here.00:08:36
Especially for men, a man00:08:39
understands this that when he is in a good00:08:42
mood,00:08:43
also don’t touch00:08:46
Don’t touch don’t so a person is in a00:08:48
good mood.00:08:50
Don’t touch it. But for women, men00:08:54
understand these rules; these are the basics of00:08:56
living with another person in the same00:08:58
square. And for women,00:09:05
everything is the same that should work, but00:09:08
I’m not in a shitty mood. So00:09:11
she asks why are you so sad I'm00:09:14
not sad I'm in a shitty mood00:09:18
sad sad is when you00:09:22
did something and it didn't work out and you're sad and I'm00:09:24
just in a shitty mood I00:09:25
don't know why the reason is not clear I00:09:29
woke up with this Well, or are you so00:09:31
cheerful00:09:32
Holy [ __ ] You can't now it00:09:37
seems to me that00:09:39
this is the whole secret and And then on00:09:42
everyday issues it’s00:09:44
easy to just agree on something, you know. Have you00:09:46
ever been in a quarrel with your wife when00:09:48
he doesn’t talk? We once didn’t00:09:50
talk for two weeks. Horror, I00:09:53
only found out later when for two weeks he00:09:54
said for two weeks he doesn’t speak00:09:58
Nedeletskaya’s nightmare Well, he seems to be alive, well, we’re not00:10:01
talking, it’s a tense situation, but00:10:04
overall there’s food on the table, I go to work, I bring00:10:06
money, I bring sex, we even have sex.00:10:11
I’m so glad. I’m so glad that in seven years,00:10:15
this is a sexy story. She it’s just that it00:10:18
just fits into the background everyone has00:10:21
forgotten this is not between us It’s00:10:24
amazing because that’s who you are if you00:10:27
look at her and if you feel00:10:29
something good for her then00:10:34
it’s as sincere as possible It’s not00:10:36
because you want to [ __ ] this00:10:38
person as it was at the beginning Yes, well, girls,00:10:41
please forgive me,00:10:43
this happens to you too,00:10:45
yes, accordingly, you thought that I would jump on him now and00:10:47
jump on him, but now you look and00:10:50
think, well done, I00:10:56
like it, that’s gone, this is an00:10:59
apology through sex, yes You used to00:11:02
bought Well, I fell for something there,00:11:04
she messed up there and then since she’s so00:11:06
mur-mury Like that Well, okay, now no,00:11:10
apologize00:11:12
like an adult, like a human being, looking into00:11:15
the eyes, tell me I was00:11:23
Maybe I’ll also have an erection00:11:27
I just read that sex00:11:29
turns out to be useful from 31 minutes00:11:34
from 31 there it was written that in the first 3000:11:38
minutes your body forms00:11:42
hormones, but00:11:44
from 31 minutes they are activated and can00:11:48
kill bad cells from 31 minutes the second00:11:52
article was about the fact that the00:11:55
most useful sex is at 7: 30 am00:12:00
7:30 am 30 minutes to sweat You don’t want00:12:05
cardio I think it’s the same as you generally00:12:08
estimate like this00:12:11
29 minutes is also a lot00:12:14
and in the pipe00:12:16
that is, in fact, there is no difference between two and 30 minutes00:12:22
Thank God I found out that this is00:12:26
with foreplay it’s considered like when when00:12:29
people start the report went So00:12:31
guys, if something happens for 27 minutes we move00:12:36
then we twitch for a minute00:12:40
and take a shower00:12:45
so the question is what could it be00:12:49
something Yes, it00:12:52
went great, listen, it’s generally00:12:54
great that you were on vacation00:13:00
should go No no I sat for 10 days 1000:13:05
days in a closed room without leaving00:13:08
the room Here you are, right there, you came for you. Here is00:13:10
a guy in a spacesuit like this, he00:13:12
put your suitcases like that and ran away like that. It’s been00:13:15
difficult since 4 days 4 days, it’s very difficult00:13:19
Because you are the same people,00:13:22
they are everywhere It’s always cool with your00:13:26
family from the point of view, you’re like, how much can00:13:28
I stand with their00:13:30
four-year-old? Today they left me with a00:13:33
four-year-old. How are you doing? That’s how things are with me. Today, with a four-year-old, he says00:13:36
daddy, we’re playing with cars, he’s small, he should00:13:38
do it just like that, [ __ ]00:13:40
understand, yes00:13:43
and you end up like this,00:13:48
but I pump my ass hard, in general it’s00:13:54
more like my back00:13:56
like that Dad, you know how the pope swings, you00:13:59
know how it swings, you’re a trainer And you’re a medic, you’re a00:14:02
medic, you went,00:14:08
What kind of medic are you, you’re00:14:11
studying to become a medic, how much to become a Doctor,00:14:16
you’re studying to be a medical worker,00:14:17
good What is your second medical course?00:14:20
And when do you choose which part of the00:14:23
body you will be after six years while this is00:14:25
general medicine? No way, you’ve already seen your corpse00:14:29
and touched it with which hand.00:14:34
Teach00:14:36
Thank you very much, let’s clarify this was at00:14:39
the institute00:14:40
or on the way here;00:14:44
luckily at school, that’s all.00:14:48
So we still have a whole hour left00:14:52
05 guys it’s amazing in general so the questions are00:14:57
where are00:14:59
the wrists in this country or this one and00:15:03
there and there Yes nothing is00:15:07
Buddhists Good luck is called good00:15:10
luck like this you come to any00:15:12
Buddhist temple you say goodluck he00:15:14
says00:15:17
Okay just like that you sit down like this00:15:21
and something reads a prayer in00:15:24
Buddhist there is such a language in Thai,00:15:27
apparently in Sanskrit Yes, and they tie it and00:15:31
say everything You will now be happy00:15:34
So that they understand, I tied it in 201400:15:39
in 2015 My first son appeared,00:15:42
she is there something you could make a wish00:15:45
and burn it, she made a child there and00:15:48
you're such a [ __ ] thing, it works, then we went, we00:15:50
ordered [ __ ] material things don't00:15:53
work,00:15:55
keep in mind00:15:58
everything. There are no questions or there are00:16:04
good people.00:16:08
You just know that loyalty is courage,00:16:13
come on, these are the main qualities00:16:17
that we cultivate in our children Yes,00:16:20
no,00:16:21
listen, I’m a terrible parent, Well, not the00:16:25
worst, but I’m on the whole. You know, I00:16:29
don’t really delve into the processes of upbringing. I go with the00:16:32
flow, I understand more at00:16:34
some moments when you need to00:16:36
limit because mistakes were made. Have00:16:38
you seen the child? I’m glad that I I grew up00:16:42
in a poor family because I didn’t have an00:16:45
addiction to sweets I just didn’t00:16:46
have sweets or they gave you such00:16:48
sweets What is sweet00:16:52
doesn’t rise from this at all and it takes a long time00:16:56
to wait until it melts in00:16:58
general this is what you00:17:01
know when you broke a tile here so00:17:03
simple, the00:17:07
youngest in particular I don’t know where he00:17:09
saw it from, he says dad,00:17:16
can I use a falcon, you00:17:18
say No, he says00:17:21
please Yes,00:17:24
and the wife is there too, [ __ ],00:17:29
she’s filigree too. Listen, she00:17:32
dealt with the children so confidently at the00:17:34
beginning that at some point I believed00:17:35
that she understands them, apparently at the00:17:38
beginning a woman is given the maternal00:17:39
instinct with which she is like this. So I know for sure00:17:41
Here put the [ __ ] knock-knock-00:17:43
knock [ __ ] next and no I only have one00:17:49
But in fact she also knows How00:17:51
to feed like this is the hole This is food there00:17:55
then the hole is outwards that's all, that is,00:17:59
she knows the superficial anatomy00:18:02
Well, I'm happy and00:18:04
listen I'm happy because I saw00:18:08
lonely people and they are sad and therefore00:18:12
I'm happy that they are sad too00:18:17
I Although I understand you know why you'll00:18:20
start sad because [ __ ] I got you there, you have00:18:22
n’t had time to do it yet, you have a feeling of guilt You and00:18:26
so on are a person who is alone Well, what’s00:18:28
sad, where is what’s wrong with you Well,00:18:33
in general Well,00:18:36
he’s telling you that00:18:41
Well, it’s probably a thrill I don’t know I’m not interfering I’m00:18:43
not talking to white people I don’t00:18:44
talk to single men; we have00:18:47
different life positions and goals and00:18:52
worldviews in general. I’m Henpecked for them. Well,00:18:54
okay, but I need to00:18:58
survive,00:19:01
especially since women still have00:19:03
intuition. You see, at some point at00:19:06
some point she will save me And I00:19:08
say, I’ll want to go to a bar with the men,00:19:11
she’ll say no, I won’t go, and the dick is unlikely to have a00:19:14
shootout,00:19:15
of course, but why not,00:19:22
and plus, of course, your family lets you down00:19:25
to earth, [ __ ], this is just like that.00:19:28
Anchor is very cool, you’re in some kind of- that00:19:30
moment something took off you think what kind of guy I am That's00:19:32
how you think I'm a typical type I00:19:36
had a moment I was performing in Crocus with00:19:38
6000 people For example I'm like this I00:19:40
go out there the stage is just a kilometer like00:19:41
when you walk 10,000 steps per step I'm like00:19:44
this So on the suit like this Krok is so thousands of00:19:46
6,000 people like your mother, it’s00:19:49
just pure genius, it’s simple and I get into the00:19:52
car, I come, I go home, I immediately hear00:19:55
this phrase, don’t take off your clothes right away, from00:19:59
heaven to earth right away, and they00:20:03
give you this package and you go00:20:05
throw it away, you go for bread then00:20:07
you come back everyone Welcome Yes therefore, all00:20:13
this is a very good tool for control00:20:15
in terms of discipline, you know,00:20:17
self-discipline so that you00:20:21
don’t buy any unnecessary crap, some nonsense.00:20:23
I would buy myself some00:20:26
very expensive car if I didn’t00:20:28
have a wife, like Stopudovo00:20:30
Stopudovo and so we bought her some00:20:39
As if you weren’t the one who committed this stupid00:20:41
act, there’s00:20:44
a lot of pressure, a lot of00:20:46
pressure from women, a little bit. We need to00:20:48
reduce the pressure, especially in sex,00:20:51
too. That’s00:20:52
when mine speaks.00:20:55
I also want to say [ __ ] enough. I00:20:58
don’t have yet,00:21:00
think about00:21:03
it. you had such a moment that you joked00:21:05
before sex and sex [ __ ] up00:21:08
and00:21:10
[applause]00:21:14
these are the criteria When you didn’t really00:21:16
want to yes And when someone you know defused00:21:19
this tense situation after all,00:21:21
thank God you don’t have to do this this is00:21:26
when she what - you know, I wanted to00:21:28
portray something like sexy and00:21:31
their knees cracked.00:21:32
That’s when00:21:34
you think you’ll get up, you’ll get up00:21:38
after that, your00:21:42
wife recently00:21:45
posted a photo, more precisely, she came up like this,00:21:48
showing a photo of00:21:49
her in a swimsuit. My wife is in00:21:51
good shape. Because that she’s a good husband, so00:21:54
she says Vit And here you can see that00:21:59
the thigh is fat.00:22:00
I’m not only talking here,00:22:04
but I was the first to feel in a00:22:07
state where I wouldn’t want00:22:08
you to post this, you know, there are wives who00:22:13
post some celebrities there in swimsuits there or00:22:16
somewhere else in something and so on00:22:18
quite openly I’m like, well, I00:22:21
don’t want to, I don’t know why I thought for the second time I’m saying00:22:25
this, I thought maybe now the joke00:22:27
will come, it didn’t come, don’t be00:22:28
upset guys,00:22:31
she’s00:22:33
in good shape, it would be scary00:22:36
[ __ ]00:22:40
you would have posted it yourself, you noted without any problems and she’s cool00:22:43
Well, that is, there are cubes there, a thigh, but00:22:46
cubes00:22:48
and up to this type, well, who knows, like00:22:51
some kind of thing, I felt I don’t know, not00:22:54
like rice Well, listen to me, I always say00:22:56
that’s my wife one thing scared time00:22:58
said After all, I’m on the account from you if00:23:03
it’s for the good of our family to go Because00:23:08
in general I’m definitely not going to go anywhere00:23:11
I tell myself this every day,00:23:14
especially00:23:17
[ __ ] Well, it’s been seven years since we’ve been creating it all,00:23:19
both of us from scratch No,00:23:22
we’re [ __ ] we will die together we will die together00:23:27
She, by the way, By the way, she’s not00:23:30
happy I’m when I say that we’ll die00:23:32
together She’s like, no, I00:23:34
wouldn’t want to be honest,00:23:37
Because we’re like that now,00:23:40
some beautiful outfits, then that’s00:23:42
my grandmother That’s my grandmother I’m her grandfather so00:23:47
before we talk let’s have some00:23:49
final non-final before we still00:23:52
have 40 [ __ ] minutes I’m [ __ ] lying You’re00:23:55
not going anywhere from here00:23:56
it means what topic interests you any00:24:00
joke on any topic look even at the00:24:02
old prepared one you laugh at yourself and00:24:04
we'll move on to communication.00:24:05
What's the question? Can we go there together?00:24:10
Doesn't she want to die sooner or is it bad? It's00:24:14
not me. This is a good question. Good question.00:24:18
You know, in general, in general, I'm not, but this is not00:24:22
our evening conversation like Listen, you00:24:27
started to [ __ ] off00:24:30
? No, you didn't salt correctly. By the way, do00:24:33
you want to die before me or00:24:37
Listen, I don’t00:24:40
know I don’t know I hope she lives happily ever after00:24:46
it’s possible Even with me there’s00:24:50
another question00:24:54
because I00:24:56
don’t know I haven’t been to Bali what’s cool there00:24:59
Well that’s all00:25:11
so good00:25:19
then that it was a schumanite and the00:25:22
instructions there say that you00:25:25
can’t even breathe over it,00:25:30
and you, I’ll repeat the story for you, don’t00:25:33
worry, it needs to be shortened a little,00:25:34
but the important point What a00:25:45
funny story and the00:25:49
possible death of her husband,00:25:51
why is he the only one now00:25:54
surviving, which00:26:02
means Yes, here’s a sweet girl telling the00:26:06
story A you've heard it all Well, that's all, how00:26:11
easy it is for you to resolve in general a00:26:15
statement of fact you've heard it all Yes,00:26:18
how00:26:20
little it takes just to be happy to understand the00:26:22
speeches of another00:26:25
[music]Description:
Что будет если у комика есть 20 минут, а ему нужно выступить 1,5 часа? Паника и разочарование зрителей. Что будет если у комика есть 20 минут, а ему нужно выступить 1,5 часа, но он достаточно подкован в импровизации? Будет новый выпуск Стендап Импровизация #118. В это выпуске Виктор Комаров попросил зрителей задать "Какие-нибудь вопросы?", чтобы смешно на них ответить! Приятного просмотра. Если вдруг хотите разовый донат на развитие канала во имя комедии, кликайте на ссылку Яндекс.Кошелька https://yoomoney.ru/to/4100116963451232 Также если удобно, ты можешь поучаствовать в съемке скетча. https://www.donationalerts.com/r/v_komarov Сценарий есть. Средств пока нет. Проходи по ссылке и обязательно отметь внизу строчку "На съемку скетча" Все задонатившие, будут указаны в титрах! Еще у меня есть сообщество в ВК https://vk.com/komarov_viktor , где по латной подписке ты получишь: - Видишь выпуски раньше чем в открытом доступе - Можешь смотреть прямые трансляции, которые всегда остаются в записи. Подпишись сразу на год и получишь дополнительно: - Два билета на концерт в твоем городе (ищи сначала город на viktorkomarov.ru) - Видео поздравление на ДР - Фото перед концертом *cтоимость годовой подписки стоит 1200₽
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