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Russian
00:00:02
friends, good afternoon, today we are talking00:00:05
about toxic relationships, a very fashionable,00:00:10
frequently used term now00:00:13
toxic relationships, toxic people,00:00:17
toxic position, toxic communication,00:00:21
today we are talking to you more about00:00:24
relationships in a couple,00:00:25
relationships in the family, the signs of a toxic00:00:29
relationship that I will name, by and00:00:32
large, they are applicable00:00:34
to any other relationships, be it the00:00:37
relationships of children and parents, brothers,00:00:40
sisters,00:00:41
friends of colleagues, but also other people, let’s say, who00:00:45
are in some kind of00:00:47
role models, you understand, this is the00:00:51
danger of00:00:53
toxicity, it’s one thing when there is I, there were00:00:57
forms of tyranny of psychological violence,00:01:00
but then the person’s consciousness about us is a very00:01:03
example against did they raise my hand or was they00:01:07
clearly intimidating me in some way, yes, it’s dangerous, yes,00:01:11
I should do something about it, but00:01:14
toxicity can be different, as if00:01:16
I opened the Vinci a little bit, I lay down and00:01:19
slowly, slowly, this gas comes to the00:01:22
wolves not on the first day, the possibility is00:01:26
not even in the first year you realize that00:01:29
this is toxic, but nevertheless it is00:01:32
there, that’s why I collected the signs,00:01:35
they are not always obvious, these actions are not00:01:39
always clearly readable,00:01:42
many people, for example, when they come for a00:01:45
consultation, they tell me the facts, I am in00:01:49
these facts for them there he gives some00:01:51
explanations and it turns out that there are moments00:01:54
that they don’t notice or do00:01:57
n’t want to notice until a certain time.00:01:59
Unfortunately, there is one too, but decide00:02:03
for yourself how00:02:05
much of this toxicity there is, how much it00:02:08
destroys you as a person, how much it00:02:13
interferes with your life if you understand that00:02:16
in in general, then it will be better not to get00:02:20
worse and it will get worse, then why is it00:02:23
worth waiting or working somehow if you can00:02:26
work on this relationship minutes of00:02:29
the situation or00:02:32
take some more drastic measures, I will name00:02:35
today the 10 main signs of such00:02:39
markers00:02:41
if you are in a relationship for example, one or00:02:44
two signs are actually not so00:02:46
critical and most likely the partner is a healthy00:02:52
partner, not destructive, if there is a mutual00:02:55
desire, you can agree on something with him,00:02:58
that is, you can work at least some kind of00:03:00
compromise, but if more than half of you00:03:04
find these signs, then00:03:09
Of course, I can say this one hundred percent, but00:03:11
this is a clear criterion that your relationship is not00:03:15
entirely healthy, and accordingly, it00:03:18
negatively affects your psyche and00:03:22
your quality of life in c and so the first00:03:26
sign is when any pain of00:03:30
negative minuses is more than plus negative,00:03:35
this also happens different not00:03:38
you definitely fight, you don’t necessarily call00:03:41
each other some last words, but00:03:44
there are even more sophisticated forms00:03:48
when people set each other up, people00:03:52
bypass each other, perform some00:03:54
actions,00:03:56
insult, humiliation, both overt00:03:59
and hidden, did something and in the00:04:02
last moment something done00:04:05
in the mind of how to qualify these minuses,00:04:09
yes, everything is simple, you either feel bad or good,00:04:12
or at least neutral, if in a00:04:14
relationship with this person more than 5000:04:18
percent of the time you feel bad, uncomfortable,00:04:22
scared, then this is the first sign00:04:26
you have in your relationship there is00:04:29
more negativity, that is, if statistically leaders00:04:33
your week of your year passes in00:04:36
conditions when more than half of the time00:04:38
you feel bad and scared, think and00:04:41
this is exactly how you want to live this00:04:44
life, what is the point for us to change, for example, a00:04:47
partner,00:04:48
if you yourself are it a choice and do you00:04:52
support it more complex matters00:04:55
when, for example, we are talking about00:04:57
parent-child relationships and the child00:04:59
for some reason, for example, is still00:05:02
small, he is not on his own, he00:05:04
cannot completely end the relationship with the00:05:07
parent, but in all other cases it00:05:11
can be adjusted00:05:12
or reduced communication, or, as an option,00:05:15
generally done so that this person00:05:18
was not in your life or clearly set00:05:21
boundaries to articulate communication, that00:05:24
is, everywhere is very different, but the most00:05:29
important thing is to remember this rule: 5000:05:31
percent more than half of the bad, everything is of00:05:34
course ideal, that is, although the husband00:05:38
should have 60 percent of the good,00:05:40
this is probably just some kind of then the minimum00:05:42
so cooking is the00:05:44
next criterion: you don’t trust00:05:46
your partner,00:05:47
this is actually very scary why00:05:50
people create families, why people at00:05:52
some stage invest in these00:05:54
relationships, they do this for00:05:59
various reasons, of course, but the general00:06:01
message is the general mission that a00:06:03
lot of clients died, they voice it just so that there is something00:06:06
so significant in life, so that there is00:06:10
some kind of support,00:06:12
and you understand that you have a person00:06:14
whom you trust who will00:06:16
support you in different situations, and of course,00:06:19
love, passion, tenderness are attached to all of this.00:06:21
then other00:06:24
components so if you don’t00:06:27
trust your partner if you hide00:06:30
money from each other if you are silent about00:06:33
your plans to go to study if you there00:06:38
by some signs understood that he was00:06:40
saying that he went on vacation with friends00:06:44
in fact and with friends he was vacationing or00:06:47
that he has such and such plans, in00:06:50
fact, he will be engaged in other things,00:06:52
distrust, it can be very different, sometimes00:06:54
people are quite00:06:58
comfortable interacting openly on some everyday issues, but00:07:00
they do not share plans with each other about the00:07:03
future, they are afraid that they will be00:07:05
criticized or would be afraid that they will be00:07:08
hindered by some kind of partner who will00:07:10
create fears here and this position is00:07:13
also partly justified, but00:07:15
if there is distrust in your relationship, if this00:07:18
goes on for a long time, how quickly do you think00:07:22
you will be able to restore this trust?00:07:25
Next criterion 3 is when you00:07:29
understand, you read what in relation to00:07:33
you, your partner often uses manipulation,00:07:36
don’t shoot, because it’s different,00:07:38
someone puts pressure on feelings of guilt, someone on00:07:41
feelings of fear, someone on jealousy, someone00:07:44
brings out the weak, someone is very00:07:48
tough, a provocateur who does not00:07:51
tolerate objections, someone is constantly in the00:07:55
position of the victim of a whiner in such different ways,00:08:00
there are people who have a whole cascade of00:08:02
manipulation, they take turns getting it, there are00:08:05
people who give their whole life to one00:08:07
manipulation, if, for example, he went for a00:08:10
feeling of guilt, this is him, and in this00:08:12
feeling of guilt, any00:08:17
healthy, sane person will go for manipulation.00:08:19
reads, maybe he’s00:08:21
some different ones there and let them pass, but if00:08:24
you are not positive in relation to him00:08:26
and the methods are00:08:27
regularly applied, then he still00:08:29
sees it and understands00:08:31
until some stages people turn a blind eye to it,00:08:34
but if you understand that this is how it is00:08:37
is and will continue to be so and will be what kind of00:08:40
relationship is this where you don’t trust00:08:42
where instead of you can00:08:45
relax trust get00:08:49
support warmth00:08:50
you are constantly picking00:08:54
some kind of positional bargaining that is worse00:08:57
than in negotiations negotiations they have00:08:59
a certain limited period people00:09:02
met agreed did not agree00:09:05
one way or another will affect the result00:09:07
left that everyone lives their own life and so00:09:10
you have your whole life some such negotiations in00:09:12
which you are initially in a00:09:15
losing position because00:09:17
relatively you have these00:09:18
manipulations applied the following criterion00:09:21
dependence you are dependent and dependent00:09:24
on relationships as such from a specific00:09:30
partner from the material component, he may be00:09:34
putting pressure on some levers, children’s health,00:09:39
something related to work and so00:09:42
on, that is, you understand that without this00:09:45
person you will not be able to live fully00:09:48
there according to some criteria or you00:09:51
you will lose components that are very important to you,00:09:54
but without which you cannot00:09:56
live; this is a very dangerous position; the00:10:00
sooner you overcome this dependence,00:10:04
at least determine some way out for00:10:06
yourself, the better it can00:10:10
be, going to work, obtaining00:10:12
legal protection,00:10:14
and so on and so on. so on, but if you are00:10:17
dependent, can this be called00:10:19
healthy in relation to kayaba, dependence00:10:21
on this was not the next thing is when you00:10:26
understand that your position on it is00:10:28
equal to a person, this is essentially a00:10:30
continuation of the previous point, that00:10:34
is, this person is he or something like this00:10:38
has set himself, that is, or objectively, he00:10:42
has some resources that he decides, he00:10:47
tells you what to do and nothing00:10:51
will happen in the winter, and if you disobey00:10:53
you will be in trouble, but if you are in such a position, this is a00:10:56
position, it may be00:10:59
some kind of sacrifice, it may be conditioned be00:11:01
objectively determined by the fact that you00:11:03
lack something, some kind of gap you have,00:11:06
and your personality is very different in the00:11:09
material component; there are00:11:11
some other qualities, then00:11:13
you no longer have a healthy attitude;00:11:16
healthy, even relationships are built between00:11:19
people who are on equal terms with each other00:11:23
in relation to the pipes, the next sign is that00:11:26
you realize that you have stopped00:11:30
growing and developing, that is, you have some kind of00:11:33
stagnation, stagnation, or maybe even worse00:11:36
things have gone in different areas in your work,00:11:40
financial make up your appearance, you00:11:43
may have somehow neglected or00:11:45
are dissatisfied with yourself, they you understand that00:11:50
you have somehow lost your fulcrum, that is,00:11:56
you have00:11:59
these relationships that you most likely are00:12:02
not very happy with, but by and00:12:05
large, everything else in the car, so we00:12:08
lost sight of the next criterion, you have no00:12:12
serious plans for the future, and00:12:15
plans that you yourself would develop00:12:19
which you regulate somehow,00:12:22
you are the main person, even if a person00:12:25
has children, has some relatives,00:12:27
if the business for which he00:12:30
is responsible is normal, that he00:12:32
has some plans related to these00:12:34
people he wants to buy it, help00:12:37
you take care of it,00:12:39
but it’s normal when he has his00:12:42
own plans to engage in self-development,00:12:44
something related to travel,00:12:47
vacation, and so on, that’s when you don’t have00:12:50
a plan, and for various reasons, you00:12:52
think you don’t want to, you’re interested.00:12:57
you are waiting for some kind of go-ahead from your00:12:59
partner, it means that you are00:13:02
serious and have an excellent addiction; this00:13:05
option is clearly not excluded; another sign is that00:13:10
you seem to have dissolved in this00:13:11
relationship; you have already forgotten where the boundaries of00:13:15
yours and your courses are, where are your personal00:13:20
boundaries, and where are yours? couple your00:13:24
family your some little sun here are00:13:28
toxic partners00:13:29
they really like to play what to play00:13:32
one way in one direction when they for00:13:34
example use your personal00:13:38
belongings they00:13:39
can take your phone and so on but00:13:43
you are not allowed in this direction that is they or00:13:47
intentionally you suppress by violating these00:13:50
boundaries or unintentionally, that is, people with00:13:54
certain psychological00:13:58
components violated, any person will be00:14:02
strong and he will have a greater chance00:14:06
of happiness and harmony at some point00:14:08
only if he realizes himself as a00:14:12
separate person, this does not mean that there is no00:14:16
need to build relationships there is no need to try00:14:18
to experience tenderness love for someone there is00:14:21
no need to enter into close relationships no it’s00:14:24
not about that it’s about the fact that there should00:14:27
be some consciousness of your self and some00:14:31
important actions in the direction of, let’s say,00:14:34
getting what you personally want but00:14:37
independence because you have a partner00:14:40
or and the 10th sign that I want to00:14:43
talk about is about the environment, so you00:14:47
somehow suddenly realized, or maybe not00:14:49
suddenly, that your environment after the start of a00:14:53
relationship with this person or after00:14:55
some stage, the anode00:14:59
changed significantly didn’t look good to you00:15:02
and it’s not your choice, you00:15:06
might also want to communicate more with00:15:08
your sister with colleagues at hand;00:15:11
conclusion, you would like to pay more attention to00:15:13
your hobby,00:15:14
but your partner may be due to00:15:16
hidden manipulation, maybe due to00:15:19
threats of an ultimatum or something then he also makes00:15:24
you understand that you won’t communicate with this person,00:15:27
or you didn’t, or you will00:15:28
reduce the amount of communication with this00:15:30
person,00:15:31
which means I’ll be happy, happy, I’ll give you00:15:34
some carrots there, and if this doesn’t00:15:38
happen, then blame yourself, a bunch of things will follow00:15:41
there is punishment for everyone,00:15:45
punishment formats together, and so on,00:15:49
toxic relationships are when give me,00:15:52
when you are very dependent and at the same time00:15:56
on a person, but perhaps you haven’t yet00:16:01
answered the question that you need to00:16:02
stop this dependence, this relationship is00:16:05
when you are in constant some kind of00:16:08
emotional depression of anxiety00:16:12
when you depend on the emotional00:16:15
state of your partners, this is all a taxi,00:16:18
it destroys, it may00:16:22
not destroy in just an hour,00:16:23
but it seriously affects self-esteem,00:16:27
self-esteem, and, accordingly, the00:16:30
quality of life, the results00:16:33
that you get, friends, think about00:16:37
if there are things that you can00:16:39
work it out on your own00:16:41
work it out00:16:43
if you don’t send it if it’s difficult for you it’s difficult to00:16:46
qualify it’s difficult to choose some00:16:48
strategy on how to proceed because00:16:50
not every relationship needs to be00:16:52
ruined right away, for example, there are moments that are00:16:55
worth clarifying00:16:56
there are moments when you need to act00:16:58
more harshly specifically, come to me00:17:02
for a consultation and we’ll figure it out We’ll00:17:06
really assess the situation and come up with00:17:08
a plan for you that’s more comfortable for a harmonious00:17:11
life. I’ll list all my contacts below under the00:17:15
video. They’re also on my website at rabota.ru00:17:20
and if you don’t look for all the major social networks Vera00:17:23
Kokareva, I00:17:25
wish you all harmonious and not an ounce of00:17:29
toxic relationships and that’s it you will be00:17:31
fineDescription:
Вера Бокарева, психолог, сексолог, д.с.н., рассказывает про главные признаки токсичных отношений. Вам нужна помощь психолога? Запись на онлайн-консультацию Веры Бокаревой: [email protected] Тел / WhatsApp / Viber / Telegram: +7-963-231-37-12 Сайт: http://verabo.ru/ Дружить в соцсетях: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCApPmRooxRh6q9C8MuTDyOw/videos https://vk.com/verabokareva https://t.me/vera_bokareva https://dzen.ru/id/5b2940926ec17d00a98e2fe3 https://dzen.ru/id/5eafddf170671122c89d7a7e https://dzen.ru/id/5cebaea6da618900b37d58e8
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