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00:00:00
[music]
00:00:03
so I brought you
00:00:05
[music]
00:00:13
probably no one expected that with the
00:00:15
advent of the Internet, everyone first in the
00:00:17
comments will become an expert in any
00:00:18
field of activity, science, reading
00:00:21
books will be replaced by step videos with electric shock, and
00:00:22
real men's work at a
00:00:24
lathe will be replaced by the sticky yet another [ __ ]
00:00:26
video for youtube and cheese like but 100 years
00:00:29
ago everything was much more romantic
00:00:31
instead of being stuck on the phone and people
00:00:32
pumped up their bodies spent on the farm and
00:00:35
men fought duels for a lady's pie, they did it
00:00:37
through messages on the screen and everything went on as
00:00:39
usual peacefully and calmly until a couple of
00:00:40
rich Swedes decided to open
00:00:42
bakery and to save money
00:00:44
on the mill they simply squeezed out an aristocrat from the farmers
00:00:46
and like you they took away the
00:00:49
mill of my parents in Scotland because
00:00:52
the aristocrats left them the
00:00:53
boy March for an encore of fresh baked goods, he
00:00:55
decided to take revenge on them by overthrowing the entire
00:00:57
monarchical world order,
00:00:58
provoking the First World War, the plan is
00:01:01
simple fire you have nothing else to do
00:01:04
skynet fought for the dominance of robots so
00:01:06
that the planets would not run out of
00:01:08
resources Hamburg started wars for the mills
00:01:10
and
00:01:11
taking on the role of Sauron created his own
00:01:14
trade union, which included 18 heads of which
00:01:17
he distributed to Chinese copies of kolit
00:01:18
omnipotence and entered the trade union Rasputin and
00:01:21
even Lenin himself, who, according to the
00:01:22
scriptwriters, was sitting on something, the fence from volume
00:01:24
1 lay under a man who carries a full
00:01:27
family, to whom I am sure of the
00:01:30
animals, they never let me down and
00:01:35
blindly obey my orders, yes, my
00:01:39
shepherd, the man has some problems and
00:01:41
so that everything Europe plunged into war,
00:01:43
schizophrenic Morgan orders one
00:01:45
Nazgul to give a ticket to the next world to
00:01:46
the heir to the throne of Austro-Hungary,
00:01:48
Franz Ferdinand, and so that after this
00:01:50
prison, England declares war on Serbia and it
00:01:53
turns out that organizing and
00:01:54
provoking the First World War can be done in a network
00:01:56
in some forehead and on a mountain top
00:01:58
surrounded a herd of goats I just want
00:02:00
to ask a question to the screenwriter of the film, are you
00:02:02
generally fine, but if suddenly one
00:02:04
of you has questions for me, you can
00:02:06
ask me through the service and let’s put together this
00:02:09
new service 1 nation alerts through
00:02:11
which you can easily ask questions
00:02:12
that I will definitely see I won’t miss it and
00:02:14
I’ll answer one hundred percent, just
00:02:16
follow the link in the description,
00:02:18
indicate the name, write the question, the mail where
00:02:20
my answer will come and acceptable for you,
00:02:22
well, yes, for example, 50 rubles and everyone
00:02:25
wait for the answer here you can also
00:02:26
read the questions that have already
00:02:28
been asked and see the answers have
00:02:30
already been sketched out for me here by my favorite heroes, to them
00:02:32
Faran Tair himself is the same one who the troops and the
00:02:35
iron salto Parker and Solar dropped in
00:02:37
in general, what do you have on ask me, ask
00:02:40
any questions, well, except for your favorite questions from
00:02:42
Yuri Dudi, how often do you masturbate,
00:02:44
I will be glad to answer question you are interested in
00:02:46
and a link to the ask me service in the
00:02:48
description under the video and now Voldemort will
00:02:50
have to stop the world-class puppeteer
00:02:52
in the TTP gate until Volodka
00:02:56
still did not die in a duel as a sponsor, but
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using the secrets of the Horcrux and returned to
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life even with the restored shnobel he
00:03:01
took the name duke and organized a
00:03:03
Kingsman spy service among Muggles
00:03:05
who will train youngsters to fight
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with umbrellas and pick-up trucks on the topic of how to
00:03:09
enter from the back door on a first acquaintance, if
00:03:12
article 8 yes you can and all the birds have one leg
00:03:15
here and the other there and thanks to the fact that
00:03:17
Duke sells the best moonshine in the world
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market armen why he acquired connections
00:03:21
with all European rulers and
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high ranks one British military
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leader kitchener fearing for the life of
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ferdinand am understanding the duke to organize
00:03:28
his security at the parade they franz ferdinand
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was in danger because of his
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political ambitions
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I am forced to ask you for a favor and
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he hired the ducan for a couple of bottles of Baltic Nine,
00:03:39
since the security organization turned out to
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correspond to exactly this price list
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when Serbia hated Astra Hungary and
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at any opportunity the residents
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staged an assassination attempt on Astra Hungarian
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officials Duke
00:03:51
chose a convertible as a vehicle; it is very
00:03:54
good, also knowing that the probability of an
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assassination attempt is 99 percent
00:03:58
took his son with him, who just
00:04:00
if he had not had a master of sports in
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baseball with an umbrella, then within a couple of seconds
00:04:04
the Duke, together with Ferdinand and his son, would have been playing backgammon
00:04:06
in the next world with Napoleon and
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Caesar, and immediately after the assassination attempt, his friend
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suffered amnesia and forgot that they had
00:04:13
just tried to blow up Ferdinand and when
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Ferdinand was settling his affairs, Duke didn’t
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think to change the convertible for something
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more armored and purely by
00:04:20
chance and drove past the killer
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Gavrila Princip, who could barely restrain himself
00:04:25
from laughing at such stupidity, after which he
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takes it and lowers the security rating
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Duke's agency of one star signed up the
00:04:30
Order of Ant and his wife for a session
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with a pathologist, but what is most
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surprising was that in reality
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Ferdinand did not even think about changing
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the transport and means after the first
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assassination attempt, this was the opening because of which he became a
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corpse, which was the reason for the start of
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one of the bloodiest wars in
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history and creating a kind of huge
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powder kegs of import, he began
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to set fire to the fuses and first instructed
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Rasputin to force Nicholas II
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to commit to war, I don’t like the Kaiser and the couple to
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curtail his ambitions so that they would match
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his short handle decision numbers,
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the sovereign, and he himself forced the
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German operator Wilhelm 2 to enter the war with the
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stupidest excuse, and do you remember how
00:05:08
Prince George used to rejoice when
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your mother’s English doctors subjected you to
00:05:12
torture, how he held out over your
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defect, the emperor, motivated by the whole empire,
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started a war because of children’s grievances with books
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about the history of the First World War, screenwriters
00:05:24
only wiped their ass, Germany decided to
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start a war from -due to the fact that the whole world
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was divided between countries and capital
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within the country had nowhere to develop
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or divide 2 wanted to seize the territory of
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France Russia, Russia entered the war
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because of the military alliance Sergei which was
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attacked by Austria-Hungary a bunch of history
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why are you raising big money things are going on
00:05:45
from and since the concept of scars had not yet
00:05:48
been invented for them, the rulers of Europe threw them at
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each other and at home and to sort out
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their relationships the lives of not ordinary soldiers,
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imagine that the king would fight themselves, it
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would be a spectacle and the
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Duke’s son decided to go into this terrible meat grinder because a conscription was announced
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dreams of acquiring a foot in the damp
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trenches feeding rats while
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running away from a shell believing that all the
00:06:10
limbs will remain in place and is glad to
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volunteer it’s a meat grinder you
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understand I’ve never seen such terrible wars before, that’s why
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I
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have to fight, damn I knocked off one
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bomb with an umbrella and started counting john rudder
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bow do yourself a favor boy live a
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little longer so that your son doesn’t [ __ ] tanks’ brains
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and with requests to send him to the front he
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takes him on a special assignment to Russia to
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organize a tourist trip for Rasputin to the
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gates of heaven and in their element
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spies housewives have gathered together a
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whole network of domestic servants.
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the south that permeates the whole world found out that Rasputin is exactly the
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same ring of omnipotence that he
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found during interrogation with the killer, which is
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why I decided to kill Rasputin
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so that he would not force the Tsar to leave the war,
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because if Russia leaves, England will lose
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and Duke gives Conrad’s son the most
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responsible trendy task
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Rasputin turns out to be a slot for boys and you need to
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bring him into a private room and
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feed him a poisoned pie. Rasputin
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loves sweets very much and
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he has even more sweets, just
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why kill Rasputin when we had to
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grab him with a hot poker, we
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find out who he works for and having crossed the
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threshold of Russian palaces Duke falls into
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despair that he won’t see the famous
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Russian ballet and fights without rules against
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bears, I don’t see a bear and I don’t see a
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Russian about to beat a bear, I
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see only an endless ocean of boredom, I
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remember the fun of the islands and suddenly
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straight into the desire to feel how
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dogs eat you alive and he took it
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show off in front of a dangerous Russian on his
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territory you slide on the parquet like on a
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swan lake so maybe you slide here you ca
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n’t bring them a drink but luckily for him
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Rasputin was in a good mood
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and didn’t bury them behind the nearest tree but
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sat them at his table and everything could have
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ended differently
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here the unexpected guy turns out Rasputin is
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pinned more by inelastic cute
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boys and older ones are flabby and
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wild, so he invites Duke to talk
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in a very intimate setting and feel
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your knee face to face and no,
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just shoot Rasputin, Duke not only
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let the guy grope him under the
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pretext that he wants him to heal his leg, I
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also began to wait until he ate 1000
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calories on stage ladies, not thinking that he
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would refuse the pie altogether, but Rasputin
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still did not die and I took it since childhood
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for immunity, but the Englishman was seriously
00:08:32
wound up once he allowed himself to be cut by an old
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bearded man,
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get used to America and while the Duke was in
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full offer from the oral caresses provided to his leg,
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Rasputin took advantage of this
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opportunity and taught the powerful
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killer Russian traditions with
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additional breath-holding exams
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and fearing that these were unlikely to
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pass the test, the stable boy standing behind the door was
00:08:56
interrupted by
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the examiner, but Rasputin managed cast
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spells on Conrad, let's [ __ ] up
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the ace, which is why he ran to chat with his
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dad, leaving Rasputin to the groom,
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whose Internet traffic ended at the wrong time, which is why
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pink eu increased, could not land a single blow
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on Rasputin, which performs
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Russian folk martial dances on him and
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only Rasputin was about to let the groom
00:09:17
feel what a chopped wound on
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the head is like a scanner, it subsides like a spell
00:09:21
and he remembers that there is no person, it turns out
00:09:23
there is a rusty self-propelled gun with which he
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first misses a huge
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man, let's let's monty things,
00:09:30
the mood is not for beauty and came up with and
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then the barrel and it’s completely jammed, and
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these cretins with such holistic
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training came to a foreign
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country to get wet, Thomas, when you grow up, be a friend,
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don’t become a [ __ ] like these [ __ ],
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it’s good and since the reaction of the young man is
00:09:46
like a dead peacock, you have to
00:09:48
urgently activate your second
00:09:50
wind in order save his tube Orlov's
00:09:52
son, but due to the fact that Rasputin
00:09:54
is the illegitimate son of the best magician
00:09:56
in the entire history of Hogwarts, even a lance
00:09:58
chiseled in the chest and ice water could not
00:10:00
finish him off, so the screenwriter sharply
00:10:02
calls for help from a thread girl with a
00:10:04
normal pistol, after which it is already a
00:10:06
montage or mischief teleports everyone onto the
00:10:08
train so that they don’t get caught by the military when they
00:10:10
should have come running at the sound of gunshots
00:10:11
for the fact that my son got hit in the face for the first time
00:10:14
and the hatch lifts his ban on alcohol.
00:10:16
Today I saw that you were a man
00:10:19
at the substations, I lost it and Conrad
00:10:22
believed himself so much that he immediately went to the military registration and enlistment office then
00:10:25
since duke has long laid her paw on the right
00:10:26
people so that his son can be sent
00:10:28
to clean toilets, konrad changes with the former
00:10:31
singer, takes his name and the rank of
00:10:32
private with the surname Ritter and ends up on the
00:10:35
long-awaited front where the smile immediately
00:10:37
falls on his face because there is no
00:10:39
Wonder Woman in the short skirt nerves us with
00:10:42
his miracle drink and only Conrad
00:10:44
went down the cob when he immediately gets
00:10:46
a chance to become a hero the spy with the scouts
00:10:48
could not get across the front our
00:10:50
scout had important information with him
00:10:53
I need six volunteers to
00:10:55
get them out of there and halfway the
00:10:57
team meets Conrad with the enemy
00:10:59
with which they decided to fight in Spartan style
00:11:01
with edged weapons, the ends plans for
00:11:03
suckers knives, the choice of masters, and since
00:11:06
the Germans pumped more experience points into
00:11:08
edged weapons, they give the entire
00:11:10
squad except the commanders Conrad,
00:11:11
who, thanks to the fact that he took lessons
00:11:13
from them, amg gives the Germans as if
00:11:15
he was born with a knife, but on the last frag he
00:11:17
runs out of strength and in order to save this
00:11:19
lover of war, the commander has to
00:11:21
wake up the entire front
00:11:25
and since the moonshine in his pockets has not yet come out of Conrad,
00:11:27
which gives a person
00:11:28
complete invulnerability,
00:11:30
he calmly runs to I, we are ignoring
00:11:32
the bullet agony of the mortars in this very
00:11:34
crater he finds a wounded spy
00:11:36
who would not be evacuated to his own
00:11:38
right during the day and if it weren’t for the good luck potion from his
00:11:40
father and Conrad would not have had time to get to his feet
00:11:42
and like a machine gun or bullets the mines would have turned
00:11:44
him into mince, but even this drink has an
00:11:47
expiration date that will not last time
00:11:49
is running out and after he gladly
00:11:51
introduced himself with someone else’s name, like a factory
00:11:53
soldier in the
00:11:54
Hebrew map will expand, an acquaintance of the
00:11:57
real Archie was found who decided that he was a
00:11:59
spy and, without orders, arbitrarily opens
00:12:02
fire on the spears among his own, I’m not, but across the
00:12:04
front of raclette, I’m like,
00:12:14
well, something like that I’m sorry
00:12:17
Harry was good and Duke, having learned that he
00:12:20
was left without an heir, goes on a drinking binge
00:12:22
during which he also kills the rights of
00:12:24
the chance, they killed us and Russia leaves the
00:12:27
war, and since now only the
00:12:28
United States will help defeat
00:12:30
Germany, the maid has to take
00:12:32
Duke out because bullets to get out, let's look at the masks
00:12:34
and now, after a couple of tablets, Olka Celsius
00:12:37
Duke is already rushing to the President of the United States to persuade
00:12:39
him to enter the war, and when the plot of
00:12:41
the film is completely dead, it has to be
00:12:43
promoted by the stupidity of the characters to the evil
00:12:45
day of death in order to bring it out as quickly as possible
00:12:47
in addition to the identical rings,
00:12:49
distributed by the six ourselves, we also and
00:12:50
identical scarves and seeing the
00:12:52
president's secretary has a ring like the killer
00:12:54
Gavrila Luke and realizes that she is
00:12:56
Morton's spy and immediately after a couple of tricks
00:12:59
he sends you to find it now and now if
00:13:01
the idiot Morton had not distributed
00:13:02
identical things to his people the duke would not even have moved
00:13:04
would have moved in this investigation and
00:13:06
even though the president of the United States with all his limbs is in favor of the war, the
00:13:08
president refuses to enter into it,
00:13:10
since the secretary filmed how she
00:13:12
seduced him and is blackmailing him that if he
00:13:14
enters the war, the media will see him also
00:13:17
on the screen, the very one you especially
00:13:20
strangled and we are in trouble the film how it
00:13:23
seduced the president and is now
00:13:25
blackmailing us was not allowed to participate in
00:13:27
the war,
00:13:28
we cannot sacrifice the reputation of the
00:13:31
presidential power, what will 1914 do to him, that’s
00:13:35
where they were going to
00:13:37
publish this recording on the fences, that they do
00:13:40
n’t even put it up on television yet, there’s no noise from the
00:13:42
crowd and there’s no way to laugh at
00:13:45
these idiots and to hammer into the film the hatch
00:13:47
decides to unite them and the recording, thanks to the
00:13:49
scriptwriters from the psychiatric hospital, is easier
00:13:51
and than the remote control for a luxury TV of an empty
00:13:53
space for some reason decides that the film is in
00:13:55
one copy and that it is stored
00:13:56
on the main base of Glafir, the location of
00:13:58
which they decided to find out in the most ingenious
00:14:00
way to find out at the tailor where the
00:14:03
spy ball was knitted this fabric is made here
00:14:06
this is the only corner where
00:14:09
mountain goats of this breed are found and Duke makes
00:14:11
the only correct conclusion
00:14:13
that the headquarters is where
00:14:15
those same mountain goats are found when
00:14:17
scarves could be bought in any
00:14:18
store and why Duke only I checked their
00:14:20
scarves and suddenly they had the same socks and panties,
00:14:22
they also need to be checked, but the
00:14:24
stupid thing is that Duke didn’t even want to
00:14:26
interrogate the spy so that she herself
00:14:28
could tell where the film is and who she
00:14:30
works for, and so the scriptwriter
00:14:32
doesn’t care about this plot, Luke just guesses that
00:14:33
the film is on top mountains, they are all
00:14:35
these Swiss bank negative films
00:14:38
there at the top
00:14:40
[music]
00:14:42
well, knowing that armed resistance would be waiting for him here, he
00:14:44
took with him
00:14:46
only his groom and a maid, they were an
00:14:49
army company and also came up with the most
00:14:51
ingenious plan to storm the base, he
00:14:53
parachuted onto the mountain and his
00:14:55
team of two people attacks from below and
00:14:57
his plan immediately goes through the wet
00:14:59
table I put the plane on 1 analogue
00:15:01
with the autopilot but could not properly
00:15:02
lock the lever and miracles happened on the
00:15:05
turns, no matter what happened if he
00:15:07
took the military and the co-pilot with him and
00:15:09
to get out out of the ass and does not call on the
00:15:11
spirit of the director to decide and how to
00:15:13
give his knife power and are capable of
00:15:15
cutting thick wooden slats of the
00:15:16
wing frame and when the Duke hits the
00:15:18
air flow and is cut off, the smart
00:15:20
parachute independently clings to a
00:15:22
stone with a nearby convenient protrusion of the required
00:15:24
width to do extreme
00:15:26
workout plus there are a bunch of goats
00:15:27
located like a ladder, another one
00:15:29
right along the village edges of which Duke
00:15:31
uses as a tug, not everyone is so lucky,
00:15:34
it’s impossible not but skill, and at that very
00:15:36
second the south didn’t catch an olive in the forehead
00:15:39
only because the soldiers on the mountain saw
00:15:41
the parachutist flying at him and thought that
00:15:43
this is a food index delivery man and purely
00:15:45
by chance Duke landed on the island
00:15:47
when the head of her gives the film to his
00:15:49
henchman, you pass on this negative to the press
00:15:51
and his reputation is over and luckily for Duke the
00:15:55
mercenaries also found themselves without the right
00:15:57
hemisphere and having noticed Duke they guessed to
00:15:59
shoot him through the wooden door,
00:16:01
well Duke lost his eyes and didn’t see that
00:16:03
he ran into the room with a huge big man, then
00:16:05
to his luck the big guy turned out to have stupid
00:16:07
boots of 1 thought and instead of
00:16:09
turning Duke’s head 180 degrees, the
00:16:11
big man began to throw him around the room and
00:16:13
dirty socks, but instead
00:16:15
of pick up slept looked after decided to
00:16:17
use a sword and throwing knives like his great-grandfathers
00:16:19
and this decision
00:16:20
led to the fact that he was scared of sending him
00:16:22
to study the force of gravity in practice, but
00:16:24
thanks to the absence of girls for the last
00:16:26
12 years, Duke managed to pump up his fist easily
00:16:29
clings to the edge of the main case for in the
00:16:32
test brother and in parallel with this konig and the
00:16:34
maid clear the foot of the mountain from
00:16:35
extras if the girl chose a weapon
00:16:37
of her time then the [ __ ] up groom
00:16:39
dragged himself with a coin, it’s good that
00:16:41
the machine gunner slept at the point the snipers began
00:16:43
to put the bullet exclusively on the top part
00:16:45
2 otherwise the soldier would have cut them
00:16:47
with a cleaver instead of quickly
00:16:49
shooting everyone in a fighting girlfriend, about
00:16:51
70 extra holes would have appeared, and
00:16:53
I myself would have become a dead piece myself if the girlfriend
00:16:55
had not been protected by the protective aura of the script
00:16:58
and in order to continue to live at the expense of the
00:17:00
master Konig with the maid saving the boss
00:17:02
with the help of the Cirque du Soleil program, the
00:17:04
benefits of the English goner weighed they gave away more
00:17:06
than the spent boar in combat
00:17:07
equipment and it feels like the
00:17:09
entire film crew went home and
00:17:11
the scene was filmed by cockroaches, six armed
00:17:13
soldiers did not fire a single shot and
00:17:15
ran away from two men
00:17:17
when they should have been filled with lead immediately
00:17:19
as soon as the barn gates opened and
00:17:21
after clearing it with bio-waste,
00:17:22
English special forces enter the main
00:17:24
barn where the bio-waste boss is already waiting for them,
00:17:26
who didn’t know that if
00:17:27
you want to hit the enemy you need to
00:17:29
take aim, they water it from somewhere from the
00:17:30
eggs and literally after 20 seconds
00:17:32
of the shootout everyone runs out of cartridges,
00:17:34
even the super spy Duke, who is
00:17:37
going on a difficult battle I
00:17:38
didn’t take the operation with me to a single spare
00:17:40
tree-stick store, the military man did you in
00:17:43
a hurry, your whole life and advertising of
00:17:45
safe sex and the men have no
00:17:47
choice but to switch to sabers, well, the smart-ass organ
00:17:49
decided to shoot the enemy with a
00:17:52
pistol, an assassin, but the groom worked as a
00:17:54
bodyguard for whom he was bought
00:17:56
performs perfectly, after which the men
00:17:58
begin to find out which of them is the better
00:18:00
musketeer, and when Rubilovo on swords gets
00:18:02
[ __ ] by Morton, he decides to stop all this
00:18:04
with the help of grenades and the director
00:18:06
throws a sustained hit to the explosion with a
00:18:08
specialist with his height, which also
00:18:10
protects from stunning and now oh How
00:18:12
useful would a second laptop pistol be
00:18:14
now, they just need a saber, they’re sorry, and in
00:18:16
his time there wasn’t a matrix yet, otherwise he would
00:18:18
have known how to properly prepare for a
00:18:20
shootout, which is why he gets pissed off again
00:18:22
and goes off to eat the earth, and
00:18:24
Duke would have gone to the meeting now with
00:18:26
wine, but everything is spoiled by a mountain goat, and while
00:18:28
Morgan was learning that such a painful shock, the south
00:18:30
had recovered and writes him out on the scoreboard and
00:18:32
prepares him for the last flight before which the
00:18:35
heads there naturally begins to
00:18:36
provoke you won’t let go, you
00:18:39
can’t do this, it contradicts all your
00:18:42
principles that such a [ __ ] is what this
00:18:45
[ __ ] has achieved success and when Duke has already
00:18:47
dealt with everyone, a groom pulls up
00:18:50
who throws himself in front of the bullets to protect the
00:18:52
owner, but during the chopping with swords,
00:18:54
instead of the help of the Dukes, he chose to bandage
00:18:56
his wound and when the President of
00:18:59
the United States receives a negative from Duke and is convinced
00:19:01
that no one else will see him on market
00:19:03
sends American troops to the front
00:19:05
and after a couple of months of fighting, the war
00:19:07
ends and so that such
00:19:09
work does not happen again, Duke
00:19:11
creates a secret organization Kingsman,
00:19:12
the planet needs a secret organization that
00:19:15
will serve the cause of preserving peace and
00:19:18
saving lives, the truth is that things did
00:19:21
not go beyond words since the Second World War did
00:19:23
happen and thanks to the fact that the film was in
00:19:25
the box office and didn’t even make back its budget, even
00:19:27
though he [ __ ] them, we, thank God, won’t
00:19:29
see a sequel in which the creators
00:19:31
would have to show even more
00:19:33
script nonsense, namely how Hitler
00:19:35
will share the world with Lenin, this gentleman
00:19:37
will be your rival for measuring domination
00:19:40
and who are you Adolf Hitler they think
00:19:44
this will ruin no I don’t know
00:20:01
[music]

Description:

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