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00:00:01
-Hey, everyone, just wanted
to check in on you.00:00:03
Is everything going all right?00:00:04
We've been getting
some complaints.00:00:05
-Oh, because we black?00:00:08
[ Audience laughs, applauds ]00:00:14
-We over here
minding our business.00:00:20
-This fall, a new medical drama
for our times.00:00:24
It's "Hot Girl Hospital".00:00:26
-I need to go, stat!00:00:29
-[ Groans ]00:00:30
-Ma'am, I'm right here.
You in good hands.00:00:32
-What's her status?00:00:34
-46. Female. Mad as hell.00:00:37
She ain't getting
what she supposed to be getting.00:00:38
-Oh, my God.
And the fit.00:00:40
-Trash. Garbage.00:00:43
-I need a BBL, stat,00:00:45
6 CC's of Tummy Tea,00:00:46
and whatever
Fashion Nova we got.00:00:49
-What's a BBL?
Just let my basic ass die.00:00:53
-No, ma'am. You're going to be
a bad bitch real soon.00:00:56
Hear that?!00:01:11
-Oh, girl, I got to work
a double tonight.00:01:14
-Girl, I know,
and I got to weave-oplasty00:01:16
followed by emergency
twerk exam.00:01:18
This job, I swear to God.00:01:20
-Hold up. Who that?00:01:23
-My friend -- My friend --
He's been in an accident.00:01:25
-I don't want to die!00:01:26
-Unh-uh.
-He is bleeding.00:01:28
-We don't do all that here.
You doing too much.00:01:32
-Bye.00:01:43
-Hey, I'm Charlie.
NewYork-Presbyterian,00:01:46
cardiology.00:01:48
-Okay.00:01:49
But we don't do that here.00:01:51
We do wigs, butts, and clothes.
If you want something else,00:01:55
you're more than welcome
to look around.00:01:57
-Okay, so what kind of
hospital is this, then?00:02:01
-Okay, so boom.00:02:03
Draymond Green
had got in trouble00:02:04
for punching his teammate,
right?00:02:06
And the NBA had made him
do community service.00:02:09
So basically, he had flew out
a bunch of IG baddies...00:02:12
[ Clicks tongue ]00:02:14
...and put us in a building
with some gurneys00:02:15
and some wheelchairs,
and he called it a hospital.00:02:19
-Thank you, Draymond.
-Thank you, Draymond.00:02:32
-I need to speak to Dr. Simmons.
It's an emergency.00:02:35
-Um, I ain't talking to
no Dr. Simmons right now00:02:38
because, um, she fake.
-What?00:02:40
Can I just see a doctor, please?00:02:43
-I mean, you can see her,00:02:45
but I'm not going to
get her.00:02:47
Nurse, where's Janelle?00:02:52
-Huh?00:02:53
I ain't talking to her.
She fake.00:02:56
She got a
little white coat and thinks00:02:57
she's better than everybody.
-Mm-hmm.00:02:59
-Okay, well, can you
just page her, please?00:03:03
-Imagine...00:03:04
Imagine me saying,
"Paging Dr. Simmons."00:03:08
-Couldn't be me.
-Couldn't be me.00:03:18
-Please help!
My wife's water broke!00:03:19
-[ Screams ]00:03:21
-Oh, no. Hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on.00:03:24
Dawand?
Is that you, Dawand?00:03:27
-Hold up. Hold up.00:03:28
Dawand, who be
in our DMS every day?00:03:31
-Oh, snap. What's up?00:03:34
-Do you know them?00:03:37
-Nah, baby, I've never seen
them before in my life.00:03:40
-You think you slick, coming
here with your white wife,00:03:43
talking about her water broke.00:03:45
-Boy, get your lying ass on.00:03:48
-Good luck to that baby.
Her daddy winning all birds.00:03:56
-Where's my wife? Is she okay?00:03:58
-Oh, she more than okay, baby.00:04:00
She bad.
Girl, come on out, girl.00:04:10
-It's giving, "Thank you."00:04:14
-Yeah!
-Okay, bitch!00:04:16
-Yes, girl! Uh-huh!
-You better work it, bitch!00:04:23
-Thank you, Draymond!00:04:26
[ Cheers and applause ]00:04:32
[ Bell rings ]00:04:34
-Yeahhhh!00:04:36
It's how you playing,
you playing!00:04:38
-Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Oh!00:04:41
-Turn that music off
and sit in your seats.00:04:46
My name is Ms. Fink.00:04:55
And I will be
your substitute teacher today.00:04:59
Now, I don't know
what your regular teacher00:05:01
does during this class,
but I am here to instruct,00:05:05
and you are here to learn.00:05:09
And there is one more thing
you should know.00:05:13
I believe in you.00:05:17
Now, I don't care what you've
been told your whole lives.00:05:21
You are not dumb.
You are not a lost cause.00:05:29
Maybe everyone in your life
thinks it's high school,00:05:32
then the streets, then prison.00:05:36
But not me.00:05:38
When I look at this room,
I don't see thugs.00:05:42
I don't see dummies.00:05:46
I see a group of young people
whose only fault was being born00:05:50
the wrong color in this country.00:05:53
So, yes,
you may be dumb today,00:05:58
but what you are tomorrow starts
right here in this classroom.00:06:05
Am I understood?
-Yeah.00:06:07
-Yes.
-Okay.00:06:09
-Now, don't be embarrassed.00:06:12
How many of you can read?00:06:16
-Um, all of us?00:06:20
-Miss, this is an honors
level physics class.00:06:24
-This class is that?00:06:26
-Yeah. Every class at this
school is honors level.00:06:29
-This is a STEM school.00:06:32
-Okay.00:06:35
-We all had to take a college
level test to get in here.00:06:39
-Okay.00:06:41
-Did the principal
not tell you that?00:06:44
-Nah.00:06:47
-And wait,
who was calling us dumb?00:06:50
-♪ Nobody ♪00:06:53
-But when you came
into the class,00:06:55
you gave
that long speech and you said00:06:56
people were saying we was dumb.00:06:58
Who said that?00:07:01
-Okay.00:07:04
-And who said we were born
"the wrong color"?00:07:07
What was that about?00:07:08
-Yeah, that sounds
racist as hell.00:07:11
-It does now.
Yes. Uh...00:07:14
What kind of school
did you say this was again?00:07:17
-It's --
It's a STEM school, miss.00:07:20
It stands for Science,
Technology,00:07:21
Engineering, and Math.00:07:23
-Mm-hmm.
-All subjects I know very well.00:07:27
-Yeah. S-T-E-M.00:07:33
But I like to
say it stands for00:07:35
Students Together
Achieving Much.00:07:41
-But miss, the word
"achieving" starts with an "A".00:07:44
-Mm-hmm. Exactly.
Did we all hear that?00:07:47
Let's all try to be
more like Laquantisha.00:07:50
-Uh --
My name is Amy.00:07:55
-Quiet, unless called on.00:07:57
Now, let's begin the lesson.00:07:59
Where did we leave off
in the text?00:08:01
-Chapter 237 --00:08:03
Particle Behavior
and Wave Mechanics.00:08:06
-That is a big old book.00:08:09
Ah. I will read.00:08:13
Okay.00:08:15
"A photon can behave both
as a wave and a particle.00:08:22
This d--"
Hmm.00:08:24
-Um, miss, it's "duality".00:08:28
-Now, one more time
for me, baby.00:08:30
-It's "duality".
-Detention.00:08:34
And that concludes the reading.00:08:37
Students,
here's some truth for you.00:08:42
Sometimes, the teachers
are the ones who are dumb.00:08:48
And sometimes they take a job,00:08:50
not realizing it's at
a STAM school00:08:55
-Um, it's a --
it's a STEM school, miss.00:08:58
-With an "E".
-Detention.00:09:01
And sometimes, that
makes them say and do racist.00:09:08
But you can't hold that
against them.00:09:11
Because some of these teachers
did not go to college.00:09:15
-But miss, I thought you had to
go to college to be a teacher.00:09:18
-Detention.00:09:20
The point is,
I believe in you.00:09:25
And that is why I should
still get paid for today.00:09:31
Class dismissed.00:09:34
-But the bell didn't ring.00:09:37
[ Fire alarm ringing ]
-Believe in yourselves.00:09:40
The hell
is wrong with this damn door?00:09:42
-Miss, the door opens in.
You gotta pull it.00:09:44
-It's a pull.
-Detention.00:09:48
[ Cheers and applause ]00:09:52
--Toast to our birthday girl,
Shayna.00:09:54
-To Shayna.00:09:57
-Let's not forget
her baby sister, Lisa,00:10:00
who flew all the way from
Temecula to celebrate with us.00:10:04
Lisa, we have heard
so much about you.00:10:05
It's so nice
to finally meet you.00:10:07
-Mm-hmm. That's cute.00:10:09
But don't think
I'm giving up the butt tonight.00:10:12
-I'm sorry. What?00:10:13
-[ Laughs ]
She is just kidding.00:10:15
Don't mind her.00:10:17
-Sorry for the wait.00:10:19
Your steak should be cooked
to your liking now.00:10:21
Third time's a charm.00:10:22
Extra, extra well done.00:10:26
-So, Lisa, do you always
order steaks like that?00:10:29
-I didn't know
you could get them00:10:30
extra, extra well.00:10:32
-Mm-hmm.
Cook my meat.00:10:34
I don't want to see
not one speck of red.00:10:36
I can't be getting
sick tonight.00:10:38
I got to be in court
in the morning.00:10:39
-You're a lawyer?00:10:41
-Oh, yeah. She's actually
the lead litigator00:10:43
on a class action suit
against Walmart.00:10:46
-Yeah, a couple of their
Coinstar machines exploded.00:10:49
I ain't got to tell you
what happened next.00:10:51
-Wow, that's really amazing
of you. I really admire that.00:10:55
-Sis, what is going on
with your little friend?00:10:56
He is really doing the most
trying to get some butt tonight.00:11:00
-Excuse me?
-Oh, my God.00:11:03
Nothing, Paul.00:11:04
Girl, could you
not start with that?00:11:05
-You know what?
I'm-a just sit here00:11:07
and eat my steak in peace.00:11:10
-Well, anyway, um...
I, uh --00:11:14
Oh, I didn't tell you guys,
but a few nights back, this --00:11:18
this dog --
this dog followed me home.00:11:21
-I have to tear this thing up.00:11:24
-And when I -- [ Laughs ] --00:11:26
when I opened -- when I opened
the door, he just00:11:29
[laughing]
sprinted inside.00:11:33
He just sprinted inside.
So now I'm running --00:11:35
-That man ain't
gave me no ketchup.00:11:37
-I'm running -- I'm running
around my house00:11:39
trying to catch him.00:11:40
-Sis, you got ketchup
over there?00:11:42
-Girl, just eat.
Can you just eat?00:11:44
-Without ketchup?00:11:46
You think it's going
to be nasty without ketchup?00:11:49
-So, uh, anyway, I...00:11:52
I guess I had two bones
in my basement.00:11:56
-That is so cool.
-What are the odds?00:11:59
-Mm. Mm.
Sis...00:12:08
Sis, I got to cut you a piece
of this steak.00:12:10
This steak is bussin'.00:12:12
-Lisa...00:12:14
Oh, my God.
Can you just chill?00:12:16
He's trying to tell a story.00:12:17
-Girl, I heard the man.
I heard the man. I heard him.00:12:21
-He said he got chased by a dog.
-Okay. Okay, Lisa.00:12:27
Okay. All right.00:12:29
-Okay.
Look. Huh? What? What?00:12:32
-Antonio Banderas
over here00:12:36
trying to get some butt while he
got Cujo living in his basement.00:12:41
-Hey, everyone,
just want to check in on you.00:12:43
Is everything going all right?00:12:44
We've been getting
some complaints.00:12:45
-Oh, 'cause we black?00:12:49
[ Audience laughs, applauds ]00:12:55
We over here
minding our business.00:12:59
-I'm just making sure
everything's okay.00:13:00
-Actually, everything --
everything is not okay.00:13:05
-There is wine
all in their food.00:13:08
It's all over the floor now.
Y'all need to do better.00:13:11
-Lisa...00:13:14
-Yes, Antonio?00:13:17
-I understand.00:13:18
You don't -- You don't want
to be sick tomorrow,00:13:20
but you have been
sawing that steak.00:13:22
This is --
This is a mess because of you.00:13:24
-Okay, now hold up, now.00:13:26
I'm not going to let y'all
corner my baby sister, Lisa,00:13:29
who came all the way
from Temecula on my birthday.00:13:31
-I know that's right.00:13:32
Now, does my sister
have terrible00:13:34
listening comprehension skills?
1,000%.00:13:37
-I know that's right.00:13:39
-But she's
the only sister I've got.00:13:40
-Bitch,
we the youngest of six girls.00:13:42
-Okay, okay.
But at the end of the day,00:13:44
no matter what her flaws,
she's my family.00:13:48
And there better not be
a damn red speck00:13:50
on that damn plate.00:13:51
-Cook my meat.
-Okay.00:13:55
-You know what? You know what?
Y'all just haven't had it right.00:13:58
I'm-a cut y'all a piece.00:14:01
-Babe, so before we go in,
I just want you to know00:14:03
that my mom can be
pretty protective of me,00:14:06
and I just don't want you
to get scared off.00:14:08
-Louis, don't worry.
We're good.00:14:10
-Okay. All right.00:14:12
Hello? Mama-minda,
we're home.00:14:15
-Mi hijo lindo,
I'm coming!00:14:19
Ah!00:14:22
[ Speaking Spanish ]00:14:25
-Mama.
-The man of my life.00:14:28
Dios mio, Luisito.
My college boy.00:14:31
I missed you so much.00:14:34
You don't call enough, bad boy!00:14:37
I'll kill you.
I'll put you in jail.00:14:39
-Ah!
-I love you so much.00:14:41
-Aw, Mama.
Well, I love you, too, Mama.00:14:44
And I want to introduce you
to my new girlfriend, Brittany.00:14:47
-Hi. Yes, Ms. Flores,
I'm Brittany.00:14:49
I've heard so much about you.00:14:52
-Mm. You are cute.
You dress like a boy.00:14:54
I like that.00:14:57
-Um -- Ha-ha, Mama, let's eat.
How about that, huh?00:14:58
-With love.
And hey, my parents taught me00:15:00
never to come empty handed,00:15:02
so I did bring
some vegan sliders.00:15:05
-Louis, [speaking Spanish]00:15:10
vegan sliders?00:15:12
-Is she talking about me?
-Yes, but in a good way.00:15:14
Don't worry.
Mama, we're hungry, huh?00:15:17
-Yes. And this looks great.
Where should I put these?00:15:19
-I'll take it. Thank you.00:15:37
Sit, sit.00:15:40
-Everything looks
so great, Mama. Thank you.00:15:42
-So, Brittany,
what are you studying?00:15:45
-I'm actually studying
fine art with a concentration00:15:48
in 17th century
baroque architecture.00:15:51
-So she doesn't like money?00:15:54
-Mama, please. Brittany wants
to be an art professor one day.00:15:58
-Oh.
So she's a lesbian.00:16:02
-Mama, please.00:16:03
-No, no, no, no, no. Mi nuera no
puede estudiar fine art00:16:06
y usar tu dinero para dizque
baroque architecture.00:16:10
-Mama, por favor. No le importa
el dinero a ella.00:16:12
-Te puedes imaginar?
Van Gogh, Picasso,00:16:14
Brittany with the vegan sliders.00:16:17
-Okay, so
she's talking about me?00:16:19
-No le hables asi a la pobre.
Es una nice White girl.00:16:23
Se cuida mucho.
Siempre se pone sunscreen.00:16:26
Y tiene mucho talento. Sabe
jugar ultimate Frisbee.00:16:30
-Okay. Oh, my gosh.00:16:31
Okay, listen, I am so sorry
if I offended you in any way.00:16:34
I only want the best
for your son.00:16:36
Like, Louis, do you remember
when you were having trouble00:16:39
concentrating for semester?00:16:40
-Oh, no, no, no.00:16:42
-And I set you up
with my family doctor?00:16:46
-What?00:16:47
-Well, I helped Louis out.00:16:49
Now he's on ADD medication,
and he's doing a lot better.00:16:52
-My son don't have ADD.00:16:58
He just like to jump!00:17:03
-Oh, well, ADD isn't anything
to be embarrassed about.00:17:06
Demi Lovato has it.00:17:08
-Ella entra a mi casa con su
"family doctor",00:17:10
hablando de que
"normalize ADD".00:17:14
-Okay, she hates me.00:17:15
-She's not
talking about you.00:17:17
Mama, yo entiendo que no te cae
bien su unisex apparel.00:17:20
-What?!00:17:22
-Y si no fuera por ella, yo
nunca viera "White Lotus".00:17:25
-Esta brujita, con su Pinterest,
hablando de que,00:17:28
Hey, man, wanna go get some
Sweetgreen?"00:17:31
-What is she saying?00:17:33
-Pero no me digas a mi que te
vas a casar con ella00:17:36
o tenera una relacion
"long-term", okay? No.00:17:39
-What?
-A mi no me importa si00:17:41
tu te metes con eila para un
"one-night-stand",00:17:44
"hit it and quit it",00:17:47
"rip and dip".00:17:49
I don't care. That's okay.00:17:51
-Okay. That was all English.00:17:53
Claudia, please.
I would just love to start over.00:17:56
-Yes. Can we please just eat?
Huh? How about that?00:17:58
-Yes. This looks delicious,
Ms. Flores,00:18:00
but before we eat,
mind if I say grace?00:18:08
-Grace?00:18:10
Oh, mija, Louis,00:18:13
why didn't you tell me
she was a woman of God?00:18:16
-Oh, my God!00:18:18
-Now, where are
my grandchildren?00:18:28
--Doctor, I can't believe this.00:18:29
How long has my husband
been awake?00:18:31
-Since this morning.
And hey, call me Dr. Jim.00:18:34
He's still very weak
after the coma,00:18:36
but his mouth is moving and
it seems like he wants to speak.00:18:39
-Oh, my God.
I thought I lost my best friend.00:18:42
This is a miracle.00:18:43
-I know.
Look, he's waking up.00:18:46
-Charlie?
Hey, it's me. Welcome back.00:18:51
-[LA accent]
Oh, my God. Where am I?00:18:55
Why am I in a bed?00:18:58
I don't get anything
that's going on right now.00:19:01
-Doctor?
-This is very common.00:19:03
He's going to be
a little confused at first.00:19:05
-Why is everybody...
Who is everybody?00:19:10
Why am I wearing paper?00:19:12
-Did -- Did you say paper?00:19:15
No, that's your hospital robe,
buddy.00:19:17
-Yeah, honey,
you were in a little accident.00:19:20
-Why are you calling me honey?
Who are you?00:19:25
-I'm your wife.00:19:28
-Okay. Not today.00:19:31
-Did he say
"Not today"?00:19:34
Honey, we've been married
for eight years.00:19:36
-Let's just put a pin in that.00:19:39
-Doctor?00:19:40
-He may not recognize you
right now,00:19:42
but the important thing is,
is that he's up and talking.00:19:45
-Yeah, but he's talking with
this, like,00:19:48
LA mush-mouth thing.00:19:50
I mean, I've literally
never heard that before.00:19:53
-You think I sound LA?
Thank you. I love LA.00:19:58
-Uh, he has a totally
different personality.00:20:00
-This is completely
normal and temporary.00:20:02
There's even been instances
of people coming out of comas00:20:04
and speaking foreign languages
they have never before.00:20:07
-Can I speak Spanish?00:20:09
Lemme try.
Saba saba, sama sama.00:20:12
Sounds like Spanish to me.00:20:17
-No, it's not Spanish.
Uh, is his brain okay?00:20:21
-Let's find out.
Charlie, listen very carefully.00:20:24
You measure my life into hours,
and I serve you by expiring.00:20:28
I'm quick when I'm thin and slow
when I'm fat. What am I?00:20:32
-Duh. You're a candle.
-He's fine.00:20:35
-That's how you test
for brain damage?00:20:37
Okay. Honey, look at this video.00:20:39
This is what you normally
sound like.00:20:42
-[ Normal voice ] Hey, babe.
Made it to Arkansas.00:20:43
Pretty cool place.
Miss you.00:20:46
-[ LA accent ] Okay. He's the
hottest guy I've ever seen.00:20:50
Why does he live in Arkansas?00:20:52
-No, Charlie, that's you.00:20:55
You were on a business trip
in Arkansas.00:20:57
That's where you got hit by that
Party City truck.00:21:00
-That's not me.00:21:01
And who are you?00:21:03
Another wife?00:21:05
-No, I'm not your wife.
I'm your sister.00:21:07
-Let's put a pin in that.00:21:09
-Why does he keep wanting
to put a pin in things?00:21:12
Are you sure his brain is okay?00:21:14
-Absolutely. Watch this.00:21:15
Charlie,
identify these objects, okay?00:21:18
-Bah. Bee. Bo.00:21:23
Bill Burr.00:21:25
-He's fine.
Great job, Charlie.00:21:27
-Oh, thank you.00:21:29
-Please. Please,
I want my old Charlie back.00:21:32
Look at him.00:21:34
-Nah.00:21:36
I'm way
skinnier than him.00:21:39
-That's 'cause you lost
50 pounds in the coma.00:21:42
-Oh, good for me.00:21:45
-Doctor, I just --00:21:47
I just don't know
if I can handle this.00:21:49
-Oh, my God.00:21:52
Don't cry.00:21:54
You're gonna make me cry.00:21:56
Come on. Hold my hand.00:21:59
Look, I don't know who you are,00:22:03
and despite what I said,
I can't speak Spanish.00:22:07
But the important thing is
you're my soul mate.00:22:11
And you and I --00:22:13
[normal voice]
you and I are going to be fine.00:22:15
-See how he's sounding
clearer already?00:22:17
-[LA accent]
Because no matter what00:22:20
people --00:22:23
people always --00:22:29
...people always gonna
do the do,00:22:32
and be the be,
and that's the truth.00:22:37
-Okay,
he's backsliding a little.00:22:39
-What do I do?00:22:40
-Meet him where he's at.00:22:43
-[ LA accent ]
Charlie.00:22:46
I know, and that's
never gonna change.00:22:50
Okay?
[ Mumbling ]00:22:53
-Really?00:22:55
-[ LA accent ] Yeah, and that
goes double for me.00:22:59
-[ LA accent ]
Now I'm gonna cry,00:23:01
and I, like, never cry.00:23:03
-Aw, bring it in.
You guys!00:23:05
-[ LA accent ] I'm a good
doctor. I help people!Description:
Relive the top 5 most-watched live sketches from Season 48, like Hot Girl Hospital, Lisa from Temecula and more! Saturday Night Live. Stream now on Peacock: https://www.peacocktv.com/unavailable Subscribe to SNL: https://www.youtube.com/user/SaturdayNightLive?sub_confirmation=1 Stream Current Full Episodes: https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live WATCH PAST SNL SEASONS Google Play - https://play.google.com/store/tv/show?id=HZJzJoGUXdw&cdid=tvseason-_HkRxhwfRZw iTunes - https://tv.apple.com/us/season/season-43/umc.cmc.3ays0nyep4svqlqku2pjelspx?showId=umc.cmc.3p5hey1eeuk85gse9d27zaa5q SNL ON SOCIAL SNL Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser SNL Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser SNL Twitter: https://twitter.com/nbcsnl SNL TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@nbcsnl GET MORE NBC Like NBC: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Follow NBC: http://Twitter.com/NBC NBC Tumblr: https://nbctv.tumblr.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/nbc NBC Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser
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