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Video tags
Subtitles
Russian
00:00:07
what has become of this city there used00:00:11
to be laws justice not anymore00:00:14
kram is out of control cats are missing00:00:17
and townspeople are being victimized on00:00:21
my porch we were supposed to protect00:00:26
those who couldn't protect themselves00:00:27
good off for car you will occur00:00:30
now superheroes are torn apart by00:00:32
political differences we are two sides00:00:37
at war00:00:39
[Music]00:00:41
but lore isn't going to save our city00:00:44
time travel is my only hope now00:00:47
myths tell of ancient times00:00:50
when a new king United a kingdom torn00:00:52
apart by a powerful stick00:00:55
hi hon Shanna there's no time to waste00:00:59
I have to go back change the present if00:01:02
I can find this chat and in doing so00:01:05
perhaps I can change what has happened00:01:11
[Music]00:01:23
[Music]00:01:35
[Applause]00:01:40
[Music]00:01:54
[Music]00:01:57
where is the king we should be happy00:02:03
that he's made friends in this town so00:02:04
quickly we came here to hide more00:02:06
friends just means more trouble you're00:02:08
being paranoid you need to lay off that00:02:10
stuff it's changing you Oh lay off the00:02:13
one thing that helps me relax from your00:02:16
stupid [ __ ] oh hey whippersnapper didn't00:02:20
see you there00:02:21
your friends are downstairs kiddo get00:02:23
out there and play00:02:31
[Music]00:02:37
we're going through that door you can't00:02:39
oh yeah why not because everything is00:02:41
funny here is lava oh no wait all that00:02:44
is lava young everything from here to00:02:46
here is lava you can't find a [ __ ] come00:02:50
on get inside00:02:51
we can sing everything further that's00:02:54
not fair the kid00:03:04
[Applause] [Music]00:03:09
oh my god he defeated the dragon no00:03:15
freakin way that kids amazing speak Bard00:03:20
what happened to the stick of truth the00:03:22
wizard had it thrown into the ocean lies00:03:24
you shall feel the wrath of the Moorish00:03:26
unhand him you heathens release the00:03:28
Bardo you'll have a king to deal with a00:03:30
king they say he can slay a dragon with00:03:33
one blow that's right you don't wait I00:03:38
thought he was with you guys now we got00:03:39
a distress they know to come help him00:03:41
gear wizard it gown my name is the kid00:03:49
I'm from the future00:03:51
dude we said we're not plague got any00:03:53
more yeah we're all split up what's the00:03:55
point this is the point in Matt time00:03:57
there is a massive crime wave and00:03:59
missing cats00:04:00
I knew my only hope was to assemble the00:04:02
team hey you kept switch games like that00:04:03
where's the stick of truth shut up Kevin00:04:05
isn't about some dumb stick there's a00:04:07
cat in trouble and it's the key to00:04:08
finding the crime syndicate new to our00:04:10
town in the future crime syndicates then00:04:12
that sounds too heavy for [ __ ] and00:04:14
friends well what do you want AG you00:04:16
want the [ __ ] freedom pal to find the00:04:17
missing cat get the hundred dollar00:04:18
reward00:04:19
I make their superhero franchise more00:04:20
popular00:04:21
that's right poopsykins there's a00:04:25
linking coming from your basement00:04:27
playroom the [ __ ] Alert00:04:30
come on [ __ ] French go get your stuff00:04:32
and report back to the cool air in the00:04:34
future [ __ ] and friends this symbol00:04:36
sorry guys you can't play with us we're00:04:37
playing Super Heroes now and you guys00:04:39
are dorks that's not enough mosquito we00:04:41
have to act fast before the freedom pals00:04:43
can $100 reward do you know what that00:04:46
could mean to our superhero franchise00:04:47
that cat looks pretty old maybe just00:04:50
died in the gutter somewhere00:04:51
human kite do I have to remind you that00:04:53
as of right now freedom pals have a00:04:54
hundred followers on Instagram we have00:04:56
six the five of us and Billy Turner00:04:58
who's a ginger this is the key to00:05:00
finally beating those [ __ ] but where00:05:02
do we start looking that cat could be00:05:04
anyway we need to split up00:05:06
mosquito take to the air and check out00:05:08
all the city parks you got it mosquito00:05:11
away00:05:14
human catch see if the cat is stuck up a00:05:16
tree somewhere you've got the storm00:05:17
drain super Craig Fast Pass I need you00:05:22
to use your superhuman speed to get to00:05:24
the mayor's office and tell her we're on00:05:25
the case00:05:26
don't worry [ __ ] you can count on thick00:05:29
bed pace to get death00:05:33
keep it00:05:38
well that took long enough the Pharisee00:05:40
device active you really want to be a00:05:46
superhero have play with the big boys00:05:49
well maybe maybe you can be useful have00:05:53
a seat at the table teach back alright00:05:56
in order to play superheroes you have to00:05:58
have a superhero persona then you can00:06:00
fill out your character sheet on Kunta00:06:02
Graham do you have a kusa gram page good00:06:06
boy you're not even on Q Instagram have00:06:08
well I guess I can create one for you00:06:10
okay just back but now we need to find00:06:13
out what terrible thing in your past00:06:15
drives you you see douche all00:06:16
superheroes have a compelling backstory00:06:18
it's from that backstory that their00:06:20
powers gained meaning let's take you00:06:22
back to when you were just a child you00:06:27
lay awake that night like so many other00:06:29
nights you couldn't sleep because you00:06:30
knew you weren't like the other kids you00:06:32
walked to the mirror you looked in the00:06:34
mirror and you felt alone and that's00:06:36
when it happened a loud noise you swore00:06:39
you could hear your mother calling for00:06:40
help out in the hallway you saw two00:06:42
intruders in front of your parents doors00:06:43
you had to stop them from hurting your00:06:45
parents you knew you had the power to00:06:46
stop them so for the first time you00:06:47
called upon your super strength powers00:06:50
so you beat them all seem to be okay but00:06:53
then you finally reaches your parents00:06:55
door and what you saw when you open that00:06:58
door changed your back forever and led00:07:00
you to fighting crime you were too late00:07:03
because when you open that door you saw00:07:05
you saw your dad [ __ ] your man00:07:11
Wow that's a pretty heavy backstory you00:07:14
fight crime because you never forgot the00:07:15
night you weren't intent and you saw00:07:17
your own father the man you trusted [ __ ]00:07:20
your man it's like a ripple in time you00:07:22
can't ever change isn't it all right now00:07:25
that you're a superhero I have a mission00:07:27
for you I need you to go out into town00:07:29
and try to get as many followers as you00:07:31
can on currency grams it's the only way00:07:33
our franchise will survive00:07:35
who the hell are you really you send a00:07:39
newbie to my distress call you're such a00:07:41
dick ooh sorry kid but my problem is too00:07:44
big for a rookie a few days ago there00:07:46
was an anomaly in the universe another00:07:48
version of me the human kite from an00:07:50
alternate dimension showed up here and00:07:51
it's destroying everything right now00:07:53
it's upstairs in my room I don't think00:07:55
anything can stop it you in tight from00:07:58
another universe is behind this door I00:08:00
can't fight him for obvious reasons you00:08:01
know alternative universe paradox [ __ ]00:08:03
so you are going to have to take him out00:08:04
you've got to really kick his ass dude00:08:06
so that he wants to return back to his00:08:08
universe on the East Coast you ready all00:08:10
right go get him oh hey Kyle I'm big00:08:19
who's your friend did you come to play00:08:22
with us alright me from another universe what do00:08:26
you mean Kyle we're chained remember I'm00:08:29
not from another universe we're like00:08:30
best super pals as you can see here's00:08:34
the one running around getting to him a00:08:35
kind of bad name he was sent here to00:08:37
destroy me and weaken my power no no I00:08:39
came to spend two weeks with my cousin00:08:41
and wanted to play superheroes and then00:08:42
he said okay what superhero do you want00:08:44
to be and I said I want to be a human00:08:45
kite but he said you can't be human kite00:08:46
I'm you mean kite and I said well why00:08:48
can't we be human kites together so I00:08:49
went to aunt Sheila and I said I want to00:08:51
be human case to Karen and she told him00:08:53
he had to see what I said because I was00:08:55
the guest remember I'm sorry me from00:09:00
another universe but it is time for you00:09:02
to learn that playing superheroes is too00:09:04
painful new kid you must now destroy my00:09:07
alter-ego how jay-z's we're gonna fight00:09:09
that's right if you really want to play00:09:11
then this is how you do it well I'll00:09:13
write anything to make me and my cousin00:09:15
more alike prepare for battle weakling00:09:19
I think I might've ruptured my hernia00:09:22
you had enough alternate me yeah the00:09:24
superhero stuff really hurts I better go00:09:26
back to my University oh you're leaving00:09:28
dude that sucks yeah I'll be going back00:09:30
to my University now human kite I need00:09:32
some came to Phoenix for my ear because00:09:33
I got a scrape on it baby farted on dude00:09:37
I don't know how to thank you from now00:09:38
on ecology whatever you need help being00:09:45
a superhero is a little harder than you00:09:47
thought huh it's okay you totally suck00:09:49
but I can't help but feel sorry for you00:09:50
because your dad [ __ ] you up and you00:09:52
Richard00:09:53
come this way I'm gonna teach you about00:09:55
artifacts you see most superheroes00:09:57
augment their abilities with specialized00:09:59
equipment00:10:01
it's a strength the trick is to equip00:10:07
them into you're powerless against any00:10:24
particular emotional hang-ups come on00:10:29
it's okay I'm on your team you can tell00:10:32
me all right00:10:54
[Music]00:11:05
[Music]00:11:09
as your counselor you can talk to me00:11:12
about anything okay you understand you00:11:14
want to talk about okay see I'm highly00:11:19
trained in them sex issues UK and you00:11:22
don't have to be afraid00:11:24
okay new kids it's really simple when uh00:11:27
when you want to talk about your sex you00:11:30
simply you can start by simply saying00:11:32
you know I'm a boy or a girl or other00:11:43
new kid this might get confusing but00:11:46
listen close okay if you were born a boy00:11:48
that's called being a cisgender boy okay00:11:51
or sis for short but well you you might00:11:54
have transitioned into being a boy you00:11:57
see what I mean if you were not born a00:11:58
boy but now identifies one well that's00:12:02
called being transgendered okay or trans00:12:04
for shortly we're good so uh do you00:12:07
identify as being cisgendered or00:12:09
transgendered just take a second hello00:12:21
this is mr. Macky the school counselor00:12:23
yes I have your child here in my office00:12:26
and well he's just let me know that he's00:12:29
cisgender that means he identifies with00:12:32
the sense he was assigned at Birth oh00:12:34
you knew that okay well no no it's it's00:12:39
fun I just wanted to make sure that you00:12:41
knew he had other options you know you00:12:42
know you don't always have to go with00:12:44
the first hand you're dealt okay yeah no00:12:48
that's that's great that's great to know00:12:50
I think I can really maybe be of help00:12:52
from here on out on thank you very much00:12:54
okay bye-bye now okay well I'm really00:13:00
glad we had this talk00:13:01
as a cisgendered male myself I know how00:13:04
hard it can be out there for a boy who00:13:07
chooses to love someone of the opposite00:13:09
sex just remember love his love even if00:13:12
you're a guy who happens to like titties00:13:14
I haven't seen you before but you come00:13:17
at a crucial00:13:18
South Park is sliding into moral decline00:13:21
someone's stealing our cats they're00:13:23
keeping houses okay maybe it's not full00:13:27
on Armageddon yet but we do need a hero00:13:29
not to make the hard sell but do you see00:13:33
yourself as a good person well I can00:13:36
understand the confusion but there comes00:13:38
a time when we need to choose our path00:13:40
will you find Jesus and take the00:13:42
righteous path or maybe a walk the00:13:45
middle way let's not talk about the00:13:47
third alternative I'm hoping you're part00:13:49
of the solution of the problem00:13:52
take the first step my child by entering00:13:55
this meditative chamber which will allow00:13:57
you to confront your deepest fears face00:14:00
your fears new child face your fears00:14:10
your dad but your mom oh hey I'm in your00:14:24
imagination just a friendly Catholic00:14:26
priest who would like to get to know you00:14:28
a little better yeah that's right I'm00:14:30
totally in your imagination too about to00:14:32
give you a shoulder rub never imagined00:14:34
you feel something like this let me00:14:37
adjust the lighting in here a bit so we00:14:38
can get some visuals with them we're00:14:48
definitely going to hell now get out of00:14:50
here that's not what the Queen spider00:14:52
says I'll go say 10 mil Harry's well00:14:56
gosh I feel just awful about all that00:14:58
tell you what a rabbi friend gave me00:15:00
this macaroni picture in times of00:15:02
trouble and tribulation use it to call00:15:04
upon the prophet Moses good luck on your00:15:07
spiritual journey00:15:08
[Music]00:15:10
all right well how's it going out there00:15:17
okay good talk but listen I think you00:15:19
show some potential and I'm gonna00:15:21
upgrade you to somebody's sidekick or00:15:23
something congratulations I just maybe00:15:26
wanted to talk about your superhero00:15:28
character a little bit um your character00:15:30
sucks to be honest and I think I'm gonna00:15:33
let you do a class let's pick another00:15:34
ability yeah I think those two will work00:15:36
nicely together but now we're gonna need00:15:37
to change your backstory too so let's go00:15:40
back again to that fateful night back00:15:42
[Music]00:15:44
you did lay awake that night but the00:15:46
reason you couldn't sleep was because00:15:48
you wanted to make the world a safer00:15:49
place you walk to the mirror you looked00:15:54
in the mirror and wondered if anyone00:15:55
would ever love you00:15:56
then you heard a noise but but it was a00:15:58
baby crying not in the hallway you00:16:00
thought you guys attacking a helpless00:16:01
baby on the floor how do you stop them00:16:03
from hurting that baby didn't you you00:16:04
knew you had the power to stop them00:16:06
and so you called upon your newly00:16:07
discovered power00:16:09
and so you beat them you swept the baby00:16:11
up in your arms to take him somewhere00:16:13
safe and then that's when the00:16:14
unthinkable happened00:16:15
you saw your dad [ __ ] your mum then on00:16:19
you had to live with the fact because00:16:20
you were a baby00:16:25
[Music]00:16:26
that's heavy man I'm really sorry I know00:16:30
you probably want to know why why your00:16:33
dad [ __ ] your mom but those are00:16:34
answers you'll have to find for yourself00:16:43
what's happening what are they done now00:16:50
well new kid looks like you might be00:16:52
meeting those newfound powers something00:16:54
we were supposed to be a duo remember00:16:56
tweek yeah I remember00:16:58
so when I walked out of [ __ ] and friend00:16:59
you should've walked out with me I like00:17:01
her dead friend because you had your own00:17:02
movies00:17:03
thank god you're here they're really00:17:05
going at it super Craig I have movies00:17:06
before wonders week we'll introduce if00:17:08
they do sets otherwise y'all won't make00:17:10
some sense because you're a traitor00:17:12
tweek and now you're with a group of00:17:13
super traitors this was started by you00:17:15
by people who thought there should be00:17:16
preferential treatment to certain heroes00:17:18
we are the ones who walked out of the00:17:19
[ __ ] franchise mysterion you must00:17:24
listen to me right now I was speaking to00:17:26
you telepathic out of my head Kenny your00:17:29
franchise is going nowhere face the00:17:31
truth you guys are kind of douchey00:17:35
he just caught his douchebags in my mind00:17:38
he can't fight you son-of-a-bitch00:17:51
anyway what about poo oh [ __ ] come on00:17:57
whoo what happened Timmy got away hey00:18:00
hey00:18:01
completely made to my mind you okay no00:18:03
seriously you guys you [ __ ] the [ __ ]00:18:05
out of my brains huh I grabbed him we00:18:07
fought for a little bit but it's his00:18:08
mental powers are too strong so we did00:18:10
all that for nothing00:18:11
not quite I got Kenny cell phone you're00:18:15
dead there's sure to be a lead on that let's00:18:17
get this back to base super quick and00:18:18
analyze it00:18:22
what have you found super Craig Timmy's00:18:25
float has a bunch of notes in it00:18:26
something about a girl who has00:18:27
information about all the criminal00:18:29
activity in town what term it just says00:18:31
spied the girl with the dick tattoo00:18:33
what girl in town has a diktat oh I00:18:35
don't know mosquito but the freedom pals00:18:38
must think she's the key to finding the00:18:39
missing cat00:18:40
if the Freedom House find her before we00:18:42
do they'll get the hundred dollar reward00:18:43
we cannot let that happen we have to00:18:46
stop the freedom pals from having a00:18:47
sweet franchise at all costs then we00:18:49
have to find the girl with that tattoo00:18:50
tonight right we all have to sneak out00:18:54
of our houses tonight and search the00:18:55
entire town what do you say new kid are00:18:57
you up for it yeah who let this guy join00:19:06
us anyway go easy on him you guys he's00:19:09
had a tough life when he was six years00:19:11
old his dad [ __ ] his man what I'm00:19:18
sorry friend but it's time they learned00:19:20
you're a tragic backstory but who00:19:22
doesn't trust anyone because his dad00:19:23
[ __ ] his mom and he couldn't do00:19:25
anything to stop it00:19:26
that doesn't make any sense I know how00:19:29
could the person you trust do that to00:19:30
the only other person you love Cartman00:19:32
everyone's dad [ __ ] everyone's mom huh00:19:35
that's how it works stupid our dad's00:19:37
[ __ ] our mom's okay so does that mean00:19:40
your dad [ __ ] your mom cam yes my mom00:19:44
that's why I'm here don't steal his00:19:47
backstory dude that's not cool you're so00:19:48
[ __ ] stupid00:19:49
every human alive on earth had a dad who00:19:52
thought their mom ah stop this is not00:19:54
what's important right now we need to00:19:55
find the lady with the dick tattoo yeah00:19:57
let's get up so we can prepare for00:19:58
evening mission let's go [ __ ] friends00:20:00
he's such a [ __ ] idiot it's okay calm00:20:03
down I'm afraid you'll have to deal with00:20:05
that kind of bigotry your whole life00:20:07
photo when people don't understand they00:20:09
lash out I'm going to let you be a00:20:10
sidekick tonight to one of the [ __ ]00:20:12
friends go home and sneak out off your00:20:13
parents are asleep I'll fill you in00:20:15
later what are you doing talking to the00:20:18
school counselor why'd you answer the00:20:20
phone have you lost your [ __ ] mind our00:20:22
child felt the need to go talk to the00:20:24
school counselor doesn't that bother you00:20:26
at all so you came in the truth no we00:20:29
didn't talk about that at all you dumb00:20:32
[ __ ] you'll ruin everything listen to00:20:35
this from a stoned out pothead I need a00:20:37
drink sure drown your problems in00:20:40
Chardonnay you stupid skank00:20:42
oh hey whippersnapper have a fun day out00:20:44
playing well I'm exhausted gonna get00:20:49
ready for bed00:20:50
dinner's on the table if you want it00:20:51
Punk but then straight to bed okay00:20:53
pothead alcoholic sweetie I just want00:20:58
you to know that whatever happens mommy00:21:01
always loved you the night sweetheart00:21:09
at 10:00 that's when the creeps come out00:21:12
but unfortunately for the creeps00:21:14
the other thing that comes out of it is00:21:16
a key00:21:32
yes my organizer said something but the00:21:35
power of diabetes I hate control I00:21:37
instantly a simple elementary school00:21:39
excuse me but then one day a freak00:21:40
science I said it hurt my diabetes00:21:42
these are super booming stripes I'm00:21:44
excited we're supposed to go investigate00:21:46
a girl who I know the location of in the00:21:48
family okay all the way I need to go buy00:22:03
some more beer I'm sorry but captain00:22:05
diabetes and not that you drive I'm fine00:22:08
to drive00:22:09
okay yeah I hear that give it like00:22:13
cheese your way no condition sir I'm00:22:16
fine okay look I'm fine okay give me my00:22:21
keys I'll return them tomorrow [ __ ]00:22:24
Jesus [ __ ] bring peace00:22:34
you don't think people get ya because00:22:36
they're not started doing sound rescue I00:22:38
feel like cool makeup to make honking00:22:40
job' you feel insecure about himself00:22:44
as you can see psychic like nuns I'm00:22:46
shocked park is quite a different place00:22:52
[Music]00:23:10
[Music]00:23:16
there's me unsavory characters and lots00:23:18
of boobies00:23:32
[Music]00:23:45
[Music]00:23:51
[Music]00:24:02
sure I like I'm short you take the one00:24:05
with the speech impediment come on get00:24:08
some dances have you ever had dances00:24:22
from a girl with a Pina statue00:24:24
hey we didn't come back here to talk00:24:25
baby yeah00:24:27
no talking until you finish grinding on00:24:29
our jobs you know what this means what00:24:34
kind of work are you guys you and if you00:24:35
ever dance with a girl here who has a00:24:37
penis tattoo why are you keep talking00:24:39
about a stripper with a penis tattoo00:24:41
yeah yeah classy that's her name her00:24:44
name yeah classy with an eye and a00:24:46
little thick that hangs off the see when00:24:48
she [ __ ] the hell out of the a ss00:24:51
10-second - we have00:25:05
nice hey what you calling me out on00:26:22
stage wait a minute00:26:39
[Music]00:26:41
nobody's allowed back here yeah get lost00:26:46
and it's like you want to get to her00:26:50
you're gonna have to go through us you00:26:57
ready for this I'm gonna crush you in my00:27:04
booty cheeks00:27:23
[Music]00:27:27
go on scram00:27:29
I ain't afraid to use this thing even my00:27:53
guy that red can't move their shine huh00:27:57
yeah it's too much and you're not you're00:28:02
sayin I ain't nice00:28:05
Oh No okay you're gonna help me out yeah00:28:10
but evidently I'm calling a generic shot00:28:14
I'm dying00:28:15
oh god no somebody please00:28:31
[Music]00:28:32
I'm alive what happened who are you00:28:38
waving is what happened I got a guy from00:28:41
diabetes00:28:42
I remember seeing a bright light the00:28:44
hand of God reaching towards me there's00:28:46
somebody funny in my face that I was00:28:48
back I can almost dance Melek Wow can00:28:57
you move objects in time that's it00:29:06
[Music]00:29:11
no we were busy thinking our watches no00:29:13
we were looking at menus because Cartman00:29:16
made us ordered food fighting crime and00:29:17
an empty stomach is very dangerous human00:29:19
catch it for your own good00:29:20
whatever she couldn't have left we would00:29:22
have seen her go out the front door00:29:23
laughing maybe he's in the back okay you00:29:26
guys check it out call us if you need00:29:27
help we'll be waiting for you with our00:29:28
breadsticks00:29:31
[Music]00:29:34
oh man we gotta tell the guys we found00:29:40
missing cats a hole will miss him doodie00:29:42
scrambles one of them negative00:29:45
none of them are Fagin old then what00:29:48
about the girl we're still tracking her00:29:50
we have to find out what she knows get00:29:53
going hold on I kept sounds like there00:30:00
could be trouble behind that door00:30:01
there's someone chasing me and you let00:30:14
them hear you stupid [ __ ] who you00:30:17
calling a stupid [ __ ]00:30:19
do I look like your mama these kids are00:30:23
cops00:30:24
that ain't no cop that's captain00:30:25
diabetes when he was born his mom farted00:30:28
during labor and it gave him diabetes00:30:30
that he uses to fight crime people get00:30:33
diabetes if they aren't cops then we can00:30:36
shoot them along with this [ __ ] too00:30:39
y'all turning on me I knew I shouldn't00:30:41
win in a visit with y'all Tony Soprano00:30:43
look at [ __ ] so long captain00:30:46
diabetes let's see your diabetes Savior00:30:50
now wasted on red wine red wine drunk is00:31:02
the worst truck there is00:31:09
captain diabetes this is it kingpin00:31:31
trying to get new high-grade drugs out00:31:33
on the street it's somebody trying to00:31:35
bring the Italians and Chinese crime00:31:37
families together as she enough smell00:31:39
touch where is scrambles scrambles we need the00:31:44
reward money for our superhero franchise00:31:46
[Music]00:31:49
Sonia Nez Cisco he just saw them00:31:52
low-class [ __ ] start working two00:31:54
months ago he'd be talking all this [ __ ]00:31:56
about making money off the crime in the00:31:58
city cuz some bigshot white boy be00:32:00
running all the drugs not hookers and00:32:01
[ __ ] right okay uh-huh00:32:04
but not me I'm my own pimp you know what00:32:06
I'm saying00:32:07
it's like I got one investment in this00:32:08
world that's my [ __ ] and I ain't00:32:10
putting no mortgage on that to some00:32:11
high-paying [ __ ] talk about trying to00:32:14
make mo money off crime and [ __ ] classy00:32:16
I'm sorry but what what about the cat's00:32:17
own Aircast okay that's this little00:32:20
asian freak named Jackie Baba some [ __ ]00:32:22
like that he going around paying all00:32:23
these little sixth graders to take00:32:24
people's cats that's [ __ ] up I think00:32:27
taking that [ __ ] and like taking mine00:32:29
you know what I'm saying that's like00:32:30
criminal [ __ ] where do the cat go I can00:32:32
tell you but I ain't saying it [ __ ]00:32:34
until I know I'm safe you understand00:32:36
these [ __ ] ain't playin and I need to00:32:38
know you gonna protect my ass Eric00:32:40
Cartman00:32:41
do you have any idea what time it is00:32:44
this is a school night mom not now we're00:32:47
seriously onto something you kids all00:32:48
get home now or I'm calling your parents00:32:51
sorry mrs. Cartman please don't tell my00:32:54
mom and who is this stripper woman these00:32:57
comb friends offer me protection00:33:00
well she's not staying here fine fatfat00:33:02
take her to your house okay00:33:09
and now the news program that starts00:33:13
your day off right good morning South00:33:15
Park good morning South Park a new00:33:19
vigilante took to the streets last night00:33:21
and is apparently single-handedly taken00:33:24
down the fam boni crime family here with00:33:26
more is a [ __ ] in a bikini Tom I'm00:33:29
standing outside the buca di faggocini00:33:31
where the vigilante declared war on00:33:33
crime in South Park security camera00:33:36
footage showed a young person farting in00:33:38
people's faces on their balls it was00:33:39
just terrifying the kid came in and just00:33:42
started farting on people it was out of00:33:44
nowhere man00:33:45
maybe someones finally standing up to00:33:47
what's wrong with this city this new00:33:49
kids a hero the kids a menace if you ask00:33:51
me how long before he or she kills an00:33:53
innocent person how long before00:33:55
daredevil becomes the Punisher huh three00:33:59
seasons three seasons police called to00:34:01
the scene found a treasure trove of00:34:03
illegal items the day claim might tie00:34:05
the Italian restaurant to a larger crime00:34:07
syndicate this may be just the tip of00:34:09
the iceberg certainly chilling stuff and00:34:12
their reports the vigilante possibly had00:34:14
a sidekick there was thought to be a sidekick Tom00:34:16
but further investigation showed it was00:34:18
just some little twerp with diabetes00:34:20
thanks mentioned and of course the00:34:21
question on everyone's minds now who is00:34:24
the farting vigilante this is going to00:34:28
make us look bad00:34:30
you [ __ ] up it wasn't our fault00:34:33
this kid just came into the restaurant00:34:35
and started farting like there was no00:34:36
tomorrow00:34:37
all you Italians are supposed to do is00:34:39
move the product the Chinese and00:34:41
Russians do the rest everything has to00:34:44
be discreet and quiet or people are00:34:46
gonna learn the truth and we put the00:34:48
product into people's drugs and alcohol00:34:50
in order to create more crime00:34:57
[Music]00:34:59
you just keep doing your part in getting00:35:01
the cheese out on the streets or maybe00:35:04
I'll start dealing directly with the00:35:05
Russians or the Chinese or the00:35:10
sixth-graders00:35:16
[Music]00:35:20
oh man what a great sleep yeah I haven't00:35:24
slept that well in weeks hmm00:35:26
so you guys do anything interesting last00:35:28
night oh no you know to usual just watch00:35:31
some TV and rent a bed yep nothing00:35:33
exciting an art but boring lives well00:35:35
then I guess I'll just be seeing you00:35:37
guys tomorrow you've got a big day ahead00:35:40
of you new kid get changed into your00:35:42
superhero costume and wait for a message00:35:44
from the king yes you will yeah00:35:52
sup Hiro don't be fighting in my faces00:35:55
[ __ ] a fast past one of your super00:35:58
homies is here oh hey new kid the [ __ ]00:36:01
told me he wants you to pressure the00:36:02
witness so go ahead go ahead new kid ask00:36:07
anything you want oh that's smart00:36:12
using the silent treatment can really00:36:14
make a witness aunty look I know y'all00:36:16
need my help is [ __ ] but I ain't talking00:36:18
to you go get my medication your00:36:21
medication yeah I can't think straight00:36:23
without my medication you gotta go pick00:36:25
up my prescription eye until you get my00:36:28
prescription I ain't tellin you little00:36:30
heroes [ __ ]00:36:34
don't you well it's time for you to meet00:36:36
someone00:36:37
Rebecca break you in half and stick you00:36:43
up my bus00:36:46
oh my god oh my god thousand people just00:36:49
dislike the picture of me and ballet00:36:51
class on Instagram I totally get called00:36:53
right now hello new kid don't worry00:37:14
I'm unfriending their instagrams00:37:15
exponentially they will be back for a00:37:17
while you gotta be careful playing00:37:18
superhero you can make a lot of enemies00:37:21
some boys think girls don't make good00:37:24
superheroes what do you think you think00:37:26
girls are just as good at gamers as you00:37:28
boys you'd like to remain mysterious huh00:37:32
fine00:37:33
look you've got problems new kid00:37:35
whatever you did last night got a lot of00:37:37
people's attention bad people there's a00:37:39
crime boss who's been calling the shots00:37:40
here in South Park and now that person00:37:42
is planning to run for office whatever00:37:44
you did last night00:37:45
scared him I'm tracking everyone's00:37:47
instagrams and Facebook's and will00:37:48
continue to cross-reference with tumblr00:37:49
while monitoring Twitter and LinkedIn if00:37:51
you need information just know you can00:37:53
rely on a call girl00:37:57
ah you kid00:38:01
I see you've also come to assist in00:38:03
assuring classes cooperation please00:38:06
after you hello we're picking up some00:38:08
medicine for a friend00:38:09
Oh is your friend looking for an00:38:11
energizing mental feeling or more of a00:38:13
full-body heart I don't know well send00:38:17
over our expert budtender who can help00:38:18
you out hey you want to get hat Oh howdy00:38:24
got you into rehab yeah dude but now00:38:27
back in South Park clean and sober00:38:29
almost a year clean and sold with no00:38:32
drugs at all can I tell you what I don't00:38:34
listen and you work here at a pot store00:38:38
cannabis Eric and yeah it's great now00:38:42
helping people cure their insomnia back00:38:45
pains migraines and stress00:38:48
did you know that ancient Chinese gave00:38:50
cannabis to their infants for teething I00:38:53
have an addictive personality so I'm00:38:55
cool without it now I got a kid with my00:38:58
ladies so better to stay on the straight00:39:00
and narrow you know do you have a kid00:39:02
right the whole time I was too hard to00:39:06
realize now I'm holding down a job and00:39:08
paying the rent but I'm also doing good00:39:10
helping people find the herbal remedies00:39:13
they need to combat all the modern00:39:15
stresses of a job and taxis and traffic00:39:18
and wife brings down my neck about the00:39:20
department Sally we got a leak why can't00:39:22
you fix it [ __ ] [ __ ] plumber okay00:39:28
we're here to pick up my friends00:39:29
medicine her name is classy Oh classy00:39:32
classy with a while with the Clint00:39:34
hangin off rate coming around and00:39:35
licking the [ __ ] out of the seat no no00:39:37
no it's classy with a dick hanging off00:39:39
the eye that's [ __ ] oh no it is not00:40:02
looking cool I'm trying to run a00:40:04
legitimate business here and my back00:40:05
hurts I can't sleep I got your appetite00:40:07
the shitty town is so [ __ ] up we gotta00:40:09
buy all our product from [ __ ] sixth00:40:11
graders and who knows what this [ __ ]00:40:13
they're putting in it meta top it off I00:40:15
got a couple little dick liquors coming00:40:17
in the back door telling me to [ __ ]00:40:26
and this is for classy I threw in a00:40:29
couple hash nuggets and some granddaddy00:40:31
purple shatter on the house come by00:40:33
anytime see here's the new kid now you00:40:37
got class he's prescription damn well00:40:39
better hand my prescription well it's00:40:41
about [ __ ] time00:40:43
praise Jesus I need this [ __ ] man if I00:40:47
don't get my medication I lose my00:40:49
[ __ ] mind you know what I'm00:40:50
saying00:41:00
all right listen the place y'all [ __ ]00:41:03
need to go is you store it that's where00:41:05
they taking a cast you know what I'm00:41:06
saying00:41:07
that's it [ __ ] this is fascist the new00:41:09
kid got the Intel from Clancy not bad00:41:11
new kid what'd you find out it's the you00:41:13
store in the Northeast attempt classy00:41:15
says the cats are being taken day do you00:41:16
store it we should have known all right00:41:18
keep classy safe I'll get back to you00:41:20
guys soon Roger that00:41:28
oh great thanks for coming have a seat00:41:32
and I got some of some feedback from the00:41:35
principal that our discussion about sex00:41:37
I mean about gender wasn't a precise00:41:41
enough and uh well you gave me some00:41:43
guidelines how to do a more of a00:41:44
thorough00:41:45
pass helping you identify your gender is00:41:49
the gender that you were assigned with00:41:51
at Birth the gender that you currently00:41:52
identify with okay great so as you know00:41:58
that means that your cisgendered okay00:42:01
great00:42:02
now the next thing I want to talk to you00:42:03
about with your gender is your sexuality00:42:06
now a lot of people think that gender00:42:08
and sexual are the same but now that's00:42:09
but that's wrong it's by now how would00:42:13
you describe the sex of the kinds of00:42:15
people you find yourself sexually00:42:18
attracted to okay so that makes you00:42:25
straight or heterosexual okay I'm really00:42:31
glad we had this talk okay just be00:42:33
careful okay cuz there's there's a lot00:42:35
of people out there who don't accept you00:42:36
for what you are and you're gonna have00:42:38
to you with them okay so uh but come see me00:42:40
anytime and they're heterosexual - we00:42:50
don't take your tops around here let's00:42:54
welcome this friend to our town you00:42:57
should have him in sight hey who are you00:43:00
what are you doing in my house00:43:02
engage engage holy [ __ ] you're the real00:43:06
deal superhero that's one less violent00:43:08
degenerate this town has to deal with00:43:10
please come by and help us again and now00:43:14
you've got a problem with me I'm not00:43:16
just gonna sit here and do nothing while00:43:17
you insult this man's ethnicity that00:43:19
wasn't insulting excuse me did you or00:43:22
did you not say that this man seemed00:43:24
tired yes he's my friend I said hollow00:43:26
you look tired00:43:27
microaggressions persons of Hispanic00:43:31
backgrounds have been stereotyped as00:43:32
being sleepy and saying they look tired00:43:34
of my profession that will not turn but00:43:36
I am you you're the new kid right I'm00:43:42
the principal of your school my name PC00:43:43
principal I was told you wanted to talk00:43:45
to me about some race issues okay come00:43:47
at me remember kid people use00:43:50
microaggressions every day I'm counting00:43:52
on you to make them pay for doing so a00:43:54
little crime stopper back for more I got00:43:56
something you might be interested in00:43:58
turns out that scum you [ __ ] up is00:44:00
just the low guy on the totem pole00:44:01
we now believe the real kingpin is over00:44:04
here on your phone that I'm holding00:44:07
right now thanks for letting me hold00:44:09
your phone to show you this he's hiding00:44:11
out in some big luxury mansion bought00:44:13
with blood money's come back this is a00:44:15
whole nother level little crime fighter00:44:17
his house is like a fortress00:44:19
every window and door is wired to a00:44:21
state-of-the-art high-tech security00:44:22
system00:44:24
need this this mobile hacking device00:44:26
will help you bypass the security system00:44:29
good hunting hero not this time sir not00:44:35
this time please move the [ __ ] along or00:44:38
I will [ __ ] you up non-lethal eeee00:44:39
I will beat you until my shift is over00:44:41
sir this one here oh he's got a temper00:44:47
on him choose your moment now just break00:44:51
in here brilliant work hero you're00:44:54
really getting into the program you00:44:56
understand exactly what we're doing and00:44:58
you're doing it right along with us meet00:45:00
me back at the station I've got00:45:01
something for you Craig movies before00:45:04
the human kite Netflix series guys that00:45:06
doesn't make any sense00:45:07
well what about introducing super Craig00:45:09
in the second shooting friends movie00:45:11
that'd be pretty DC comics of us I00:45:12
wouldn't recommend it ah but lord please00:45:14
have a seat00:45:15
sorry guys can I have a moment with my00:45:16
lord please sure thing come on Fast Pass00:45:19
right behind you mosquito but lord I00:45:28
just wanted to let you know that we've00:45:29
decided to let you have your own Netflix00:45:32
series right after the Fast Pass Fox00:45:33
miniseries and the third [ __ ] and00:45:35
friends united movie congratulations00:45:38
okay well get out there and finish your00:45:41
goals just wanted to tell you the00:45:42
exciting news what do you want new kid I00:45:46
already let you duel class there's00:45:48
nothing left to talk about00:45:49
oh no no no no you are not going to have00:45:52
three classes new kid new kid no do not00:45:55
give me those sad puppy eyes nobody gets00:45:57
to be three classes you think that just00:45:59
because you have to live through your00:46:00
dad [ __ ] your mom you should get all00:46:01
the sympathy in the world don't you I'm00:46:04
sorry I didn't mean to bring that it00:46:06
all right how do I find if you were00:46:08
going to add another class what would it00:46:10
okay but if you're gonna be triple class00:46:11
and we have to change your backstory it00:46:13
is pretty dumb let's go back in time00:46:15
again back to when you were just a child00:46:18
you couldn't sleep that night but it was00:46:20
because you saw strange lights in the00:46:22
sky you walk to the mirror and in the00:46:27
mirror you saw a kid who maybe wasn't00:46:29
from this world and that's when you00:46:30
heard it strange alien sounds from the00:46:32
hallway you walked out and saw two00:46:36
intruders and an alien in your house had00:46:38
to stop them so you called upon your new00:46:39
powers00:46:40
[Music]00:46:42
daleon took you by the hand and let you00:46:44
into a dark room and that's when you saw00:46:48
that your dad had just [ __ ] your mom00:46:52
whoa boy that is pretty tragic new kid00:46:55
I'm so sorry where the aliens helping00:46:58
you by showing you who [ __ ] your mom00:46:59
or were they trying to make you full of00:47:00
Rage you might never know all right get00:47:03
back out there but Lord you still have a00:47:04
lot of things too dear sure one of the00:47:06
freedom Powell's wants to meet with us00:47:07
yeah his text said it was very urgent00:47:09
yeah but why would the freedom Powell's00:47:11
want to talk to us unless this is some00:47:13
kind of trap00:47:15
relax [ __ ] friends I didn't come to00:47:18
fight00:47:21
[Music]00:47:22
hello toolshed long time no see00:47:26
juliet is a catchy to your class00:47:27
visionary archetype and a [ __ ]00:47:29
trader just listen to me I understand00:47:31
that the new kit help take my dad's keys00:47:33
last night new kid I don't know why you00:47:35
were looking out for my dad but I owe00:47:37
you one00:47:38
that's all I came to say you might be in00:47:40
the wrong franchise but if you ever need00:47:41
help I'll return the favor00:47:45
do you think the new kid [ __ ] cares00:47:46
about you you belong to a loser zero00:47:49
income franchise that's run by a00:47:50
douchebag in a wheelchair at least he's00:47:52
not a friend little phone stealer not00:47:54
him again you call us losers when the00:47:58
only way you can get a lead is to steal00:47:59
it00:48:00
where is dr. Timothy's phone sorry00:48:02
freedom [ __ ] that employees you guys00:48:05
need to stop investigating the Chamber00:48:07
of Commerce and leave it to the00:48:08
professional super heroes oh yeah you00:48:10
guys are the professional super heroes00:48:11
it just so happens mysterion that we00:48:13
already have a connection with Netflix00:48:15
no you don't yes we do we're just about00:48:18
to get the human kite and Netflix series00:48:19
off the ground so no Timmy no no stop it00:48:25
stop stop stop eat any he's tried to00:48:28
rape my mind00:48:30
ah they don't have a connection at00:48:34
Netflix Freedom House just raped my mind00:48:36
you guys let's get these pedophile00:48:38
food and friends and simple Freedom00:48:40
House unite Civil War - it's going - oh00:48:44
yeah oh yeah that is twice we kicked00:48:46
your asses you guys are nothing without00:48:49
the new kid and you know it you can my00:48:52
offer stands I still owe you one and if00:48:54
you ever want to be part of a real00:48:55
franchise just call me PM right00:48:59
you guys are DC comics we're Marvel00:49:01
[ __ ] a so you guys have sex not a00:49:03
debate your [ __ ] baby00:49:05
alright everyone but Lord interrogated00:49:07
classy and found out our next lead is00:49:09
that the you store in here in town we00:49:11
need to infiltrate it tonight it can't00:49:13
be done why not because the you stored00:49:16
entrance is all lava the whole thing is00:49:18
[ __ ] lava [ __ ] there has to be a way00:49:21
to get past it there is toolshed00:49:23
toolshed00:49:24
what's that dunkey [ __ ] have to do00:49:26
with anything toolshed has a device to00:49:28
clear sponsor remember it's one of his00:49:29
super powers Hey and toolshed said that00:49:32
he owes the new kid a favor well looks00:49:36
like you're gonna come in handy again00:49:37
fine Lord super quick right an anonymous00:49:39
email to tool [ __ ] tell the new kid is00:49:41
ready to have his favor returned00:49:42
everyone else go home and get in bed we00:49:44
meet as a you story tonight too bad00:49:46
everybody soon friends are on the case00:49:49
go at home but Lord if all goes00:49:51
according to plan tool shed will meet up with you later00:49:53
just be careful toolshed is a two-faced00:49:55
backstabbing butt sniffer but you00:49:59
confirmed it when the principal called00:50:01
you how long before they find out00:50:03
everything our little boy is hurting00:50:05
don't you get it he's asking questions00:50:07
about his race and sexual orientation00:50:09
because he's confused confusion was the00:50:12
point the more our child learns about00:50:14
the truth the more dangerous it becomes00:50:15
you stupid [ __ ] Hey look who's here00:50:18
then out playing little squirt your00:50:21
dinner is on the table pumpkin then00:50:22
straight to bed you have school tomorrow00:50:24
school tomorrow00:50:27
hey kiddo listen I know we never talked00:50:29
about it but your mother and I are very00:50:30
proud Americans ninite Punk00:50:39
night falls upon the town like a fat00:50:41
slimy turd the stink of greed corruption00:50:44
and crime rises from the gutters and00:50:46
fills the streets only one thing to deal00:50:48
with free mess so we meet again new kid00:51:03
I have to put our petty differences00:51:05
aside there's something happening to00:51:06
this city and it needs tools [ __ ] well00:51:09
follow me to Professor Casas lair well00:51:12
well the but [ __ ] trader actually00:51:14
showed up hey whoa whoa aah00:51:16
I said I'd help the new kid not you00:51:18
losers yeah well the new kid is a [ __ ]00:51:20
friend and [ __ ] friends work together00:51:21
douche come on we need to get inside the00:51:23
fence yeah to a [ __ ] that's what the new00:51:25
kid wants fine as long as there's a00:51:29
power generator nearby I can use my00:51:31
dad's sand blaster to clear almost any00:51:32
obstacle Wow that is let's get one thing00:51:42
straight [ __ ]00:51:43
I don't trust you you make one move out00:51:45
of line and I'll shred you I'm only here00:51:47
for the new kid fat ass after tonight00:51:49
we're sworn enemies again all go to one00:51:55
of these storage facilities everyone fan00:51:57
out you're getting big Edie there get it00:52:00
get it get it be I'll be out00:52:03
would you go to Paris to get a pilot has00:52:32
been at [ __ ] French chicks super Craig00:52:39
[Music]00:52:52
minions no minions you gotta kill them00:52:56
can you00:52:58
goddamn it all right this is my 44 get00:53:00
out of here did you do you think so [ __ ]00:53:15
friends butters actually if somebody00:53:17
gave you a bunch of money by law that00:53:18
not even loss to our franchise all of us00:53:20
you see god only knows you guys take the00:53:36
alley over there super Craig and I are00:53:37
hitting the rooftops why would chaos00:53:39
what to wrap an entire truck in a little00:53:41
bit of foil that's not the problem00:53:43
is aluminum foil really what you guys00:53:46
are concerned with who the [ __ ] is that00:53:52
you were right about the Italian00:53:54
restaurant new kid the owner is a part00:53:56
of a new crime syndicate who the [ __ ] is00:54:00
that I have no idea well she's not in00:54:02
the Union excuse me are you on Instagram00:54:04
there's someone new in town who's00:54:06
bringing all the crime families together00:54:07
okay cool thank you back you mean like a00:54:10
kingpin you guys do not say anything00:54:13
we're not playing with her check out00:54:14
storage facility 50 60 new kid and here00:54:17
take this call me if you need me I think00:54:21
you're gonna need all the help you can00:54:23
get so I guess now any [ __ ] [ __ ]00:54:27
thinks they can be a superhero come on00:54:29
let's just find scrambles and be done00:54:32
you guys here00:54:43
[Music]00:54:50
careful he's a ginge do you know what00:54:52
Professor chaos has planned for this00:54:54
city you're butters are taking this way00:54:56
too far yeah it's time to teach you a00:54:58
lesson that won't be as easy as you00:54:59
think00:55:10
I think that's the last of them don't00:55:12
count on it we should make it wait wait00:55:13
super PAC oh my god super PAC super00:55:18
Craig this hatch [ __ ] there's no air00:55:20
compressor here no way I can remove that00:55:21
lava00:55:22
hang on super Craig we're gonna find00:55:23
something to plug to assets and blaster00:55:24
it's you you and I both know I've00:55:26
already danced no super Craig we're00:55:28
gonna find a way to save you to00:55:29
substitution there's nothing here my00:55:30
sand blaster needs compressed hair to00:55:32
work is the one from the entrance the00:55:33
gate slammed and locked shut remember00:55:35
it's okay guys we all do when we signed00:55:37
on to be [ __ ] friends that if I tend00:55:39
like this sitcom super Craig we're gonna00:55:40
get you home00:55:41
sorry dude but it looks like this was a00:55:43
one-way trip hey what the [ __ ] who is00:55:47
that oh my god that's the vigilante00:55:51
that's right the king that's some little00:55:53
fat kid to this cat where is it that's00:55:58
some real high-grade [ __ ] there cat like00:56:00
that would go to the boss man himself00:56:02
you idiots you don't talk about him now00:56:04
we got to kill these [ __ ] not all right00:56:06
look it ain't us okay the big man has00:56:09
all the crime families working together00:56:11
the Italians the Russians the00:56:13
sixth-graders they all work for him we00:56:15
just put the cat urine in the drugs and00:56:17
alcohol who is the big man you don't00:56:19
even do it for the money man it's like00:56:21
it's like he wants more crime in the00:56:23
streets wow that sounds kooky you're00:56:26
even know spooky man we got to do this00:56:29
if they tell us don't you get it00:56:45
[Music]00:57:01
he's gonna declare the entire town lava00:57:03
well we have you actually made it to the00:57:05
end come French00:57:06
and France and it's on trabajo [ __ ] bro00:57:45
[Music]00:57:50
all right Cass tuck who gave you the00:57:53
money to do all this my god I think he's00:57:57
dead dude00:57:58
he's not dead fellas I think we better00:58:01
get him back to base all right come on00:58:02
let's take him to the holding cell the00:58:04
holding shell oh jeez it's kind of late00:58:07
fellas I should get home or I'm gonna be00:58:09
grounded you should have thought of that00:58:10
before you tried to live in the town00:58:11
Cass00:58:12
hey dude it was great working with you00:58:16
again man it was like old times yeah00:58:20
well I told you this was a one-shot deal00:58:23
I only helped out because I owe the new00:58:25
kid a favor00:58:26
come on shed come back to the key can't00:58:29
do that kite freedom pals is gonna make00:58:31
way more money with their franchise00:58:32
you're wrong00:58:34
we're gonna make like a billion dollars00:58:36
we're gonna make like a zillion dollars00:58:44
what if the person paying butters wasn't00:58:47
a kid is that it chaos were you paid by00:58:49
an adult I'm telling you I don't know00:58:51
his name fellas nobody does00:58:53
he's funny mad all the crime families in00:58:55
town he's everywhere00:58:57
he's nameless faceless he can change his00:58:59
appearance like the wind changes00:59:00
direction Rick what did you say he says00:59:02
there's a revolution coming and the00:59:04
toughness of our own hearts will bring00:59:05
about our undoing oh my god he he is00:59:08
that which liberate and he knows the00:59:10
true weakness of tolerance and his00:59:11
coming will bring about a tide of chaos00:59:13
not nothing we've never seen you naked00:59:14
oh my god00:59:16
could it be no it's impossible what's00:59:20
impossible there's only one person I00:59:22
know of who can disguise himself so00:59:24
easily and it's the same person who00:59:26
might have a motive for tearing South00:59:27
Park apart who Mitch Conner Mitch Cotter00:59:33
oh no no no no no no no who's Nick00:59:36
Turner it's Carmen's dumbass hand puppet00:59:38
you know damn well that Conor was just00:59:39
using my hand to suit his needs00:59:40
at first he disguised himself as00:59:42
Jennifer Lopez who sells tacos and00:59:43
burritos when his cover was blown he was00:59:45
arrested by the police but escaped but00:59:47
why would he want to take down South00:59:48
Park and where would he get all his00:59:50
money shut up it's not registered with00:59:51
[ __ ] honor00:59:52
how do you know know Kylie's right you00:59:54
guys it couldn't be Mitch Connor Connor00:59:56
died in an oil rig explosion in northern00:59:58
Alaska [ __ ] this I'm going to bed01:00:01
yes yes good idea human cut everyone get01:00:04
back to your homes it's getting late01:00:06
let's all reconvene tomorrow after01:00:12
and now the news program that starts01:00:16
your day off right good morning South01:00:19
Park the South Park vigilante struck01:00:22
again last night this time at a meth lab01:00:24
in the downtown new storage facility01:00:26
here with more is a [ __ ] in a fedora01:00:29
Tom six people were arrested last night01:00:32
after the vigilante exposed a huge meth01:00:34
lab in the storage facility behind me01:00:37
eyewitnesses have come forward with01:00:38
shocking reports that the vigilante01:00:41
sports were so awful they seemed to01:00:42
actually rip the fabric of time you01:00:45
ain't never heard a fart like this man01:00:47
it was like one minute he farted on my01:00:50
dick cuz next thing my dick was like 2001:00:52
seconds in the past finally someone is01:00:54
standing up to all the crime in this01:00:56
city if you ask me these people here all01:00:58
deserved to be farted on he's a menace01:01:01
if you ask me how long before this01:01:03
vigilante gets radical and blows up a01:01:05
school or a church huh how long before01:01:08
Captain America becomes Captain ideology01:01:11
huh01:01:12
the third Captain America movie how long01:01:15
was that about six years01:01:17
about six years dozens of protesters01:01:20
gathered outside the police station01:01:22
today as a warrant was issued for the01:01:24
vigilantes arrest01:01:27
victimized by math Crusaders who sneak01:01:29
around and fart on people at night we01:01:32
urge all citizens to arm themselves and01:01:34
fight against this kind of rectal01:01:36
oppression yeah it's me nobody knows01:01:46
anything about this kid not what race he01:01:48
is not even if it's a boy or a girl what01:01:51
do we do sir just keep getting the01:01:55
product into people's drugs and alcohol01:01:57
I'll handle the vigilante this deals01:01:59
getting out of control01:02:00
you said you could get the mayor out of01:02:02
office you wanted to be left alone01:02:04
Commissioner to do what you love doing01:02:06
I've made that happen just stay calm and01:02:09
soon everyone will have exactly what01:02:11
they were01:02:18
[Music]01:02:21
you are the new kid right my name's01:02:24
Wendy nice to have you at our school01:02:25
that little problem call girl told you01:02:28
about it's a lot worse the Chamber of01:02:30
Commerce wants to get rid of the01:02:31
vigilante no matter what it takes01:02:33
you know the bathrooms in the park call01:02:35
girl wants you to meet her there right01:02:36
now01:02:37
I think it's wrong they make cisgendered01:02:39
people share a bathroom it must be so01:02:41
hard for you anyway I've got a problem01:02:43
you kid I'm like you an outsider I've01:02:47
been watching as adults in our town act01:02:48
stranger and stranger but nobody will01:02:50
listen to me I started cross-referencing01:02:52
everyone's instagrams to see what kind01:02:55
of connection I could find and that's01:02:57
when it happened somebody cancelled my01:03:00
cellular data plan my phone is dead01:03:04
whoever did this has to pay I'm going to01:03:08
the mobile company to find out what01:03:09
happened I can't go alone01:03:11
I'm asking for your help new kid I think01:03:14
you're the only one who understands if I01:03:19
can't use my mobile devices I can't save01:03:21
this town let's go find out what's wrong01:03:23
with this place01:03:24
[Music]01:03:30
[Applause]01:03:35
yeah I'm having a lot of problems01:03:37
connecting to the Internet you weren't01:03:43
the people who worked here last week I01:03:58
knew it the phone company's been taken01:04:00
over by crap people oh girl01:04:03
save us come on new kid let's wake up01:04:06
normal thank you call girl I don't know what01:04:09
those things were but they smelled like01:04:11
crab and kissed like people how can we01:04:13
repay you just get my phone working01:04:15
again alright yes yes of course call01:04:17
girl thanks for saving the mobile store01:04:19
once again thanks new kid but I have a01:04:21
feeling this isn't over01:04:23
if you snow crab call me soon friends01:04:26
these are dark tanks we now know for a01:04:30
fact that scrambles the missing cat is01:04:32
part of a larger conspiracy we also know01:04:35
that the [ __ ] freedom pals have more01:04:37
information about this conspiracy than01:04:38
we do FAC maybe we should just face it01:04:41
guys maybe frida pals have a better super01:04:43
franchise that we do hey that's no way01:04:47
to talk mosquito the only reason that01:04:49
freedom pals are ahead of us right now01:04:50
is because they're buck [ __ ] cheaters01:04:52
who sold out yeah but freedom paths have01:04:54
dr. Timothy and he can read people's01:04:55
knives and bend reality yeah cuz he just01:04:57
said that when we made up our01:04:59
superpowers he was like well I have01:05:00
every power to do [ __ ] it everything you01:05:02
think that's fair it's time for us to be01:05:04
as dirty as them we have to know at the01:05:06
freedom house know how we ever gonna get01:05:08
the help and free a panel01:05:11
we sent a spy someone in our group who01:05:14
pretends to want to switch sides and01:05:15
join freedom that somebody who they01:05:17
don't know very well and you can't join01:05:21
Freedom House then ask for assistance01:05:23
investigating the community hope the new01:05:25
cut is good at bullshitting you'll never01:05:27
get past insecurity grace exchange it01:05:28
every day I can get the new kid and said01:05:30
I've got hacking abilities remember cuz01:05:32
I'm the Gadgeteer class with the01:05:34
tinkling ability no dyes chaos you just01:05:36
saying that to get out of jail you01:05:37
better let him go the new kid will need01:05:39
him alright fine get the new kid inside01:05:44
freedom pals base okay if he tries01:05:48
anything funny kill him no no no no here01:05:58
we go where have you been mr. boo hey01:06:08
Dad I better but I guess I just made a new01:06:11
friend I didn't come home last night but01:06:13
us your mom and I were worried sick we01:06:15
could barely enjoy the movie we were01:06:17
watching I'm sorry dad01:06:18
it's just my new friend did you really01:06:20
mean sorry's not gonna cut it mister and01:06:22
you what's your name01:06:25
you get reasons you don't escape01:06:28
I asked you a question who are you01:06:31
please please don't do this that does it01:06:34
butters you are grounded and so is your01:06:38
smartass little friend but but that's01:06:42
impossible I grounded you how could you01:06:45
be here right now if it wasn't me daddy01:06:48
with a new cable you have some kind of01:06:51
ability to unground people whoever you01:06:55
touch becomes ungrounded is that it your01:06:57
evil magic is not welcome here darkling01:07:06
consciousness we must go now and01:07:13
infiltrate the Freedom House face maybe01:07:15
outside the Freedom House school for the01:07:17
gifted and talented look at this well01:07:23
now there's a superhero base holy folks01:07:26
they got a training room hey computers01:07:28
and legends we'll just beat the crap out01:07:30
of code base our new kid ji can play01:07:32
here every day what are you doing here01:07:34
oh hey hey mysterion well we were just01:07:38
hoping to speak with dr. Timothy why01:07:40
haha the new kid wants to switch franchises01:07:42
and I told him I helped a new kid01:07:44
thought you might end up here they're01:07:45
here to spy on what Timothy is working01:07:47
on I say we rip them to shreds calm down01:07:50
everyone let's hear what they have to01:07:52
say01:07:54
okay it's here01:07:58
this is a fairly shocking change apart01:08:00
for you professor you really wish to01:08:01
help the new kids switch franchises well01:08:04
yeah yeah you know we just thought it01:08:07
yeah you know your franchise seems a lot01:08:08
more open in progressive but you know we01:08:12
just thought he should switch because01:08:13
Kona friends plan isn't going anywhere01:08:15
well God see you can't came to me and01:08:17
said hi quick coded friends that set it01:08:20
up without you get anything the aluminum01:08:23
boiler his helmet seems to be blocking01:08:25
my abilities don't trust them doc they01:08:29
can't see what you've been working on01:08:31
back there what if the new kid really01:08:32
wants to switch we can see if the new01:08:34
kids intentions up here we're sending01:08:39
tough away on a very important mission01:08:40
today you can help him with that mission01:08:41
I don't need backup especially not a new01:08:44
easy tough remember the freedom pals01:08:46
motto yeah retribution but with01:08:48
inclusion I'll send you the details on01:08:50
the mission when you get there we can01:08:51
begin in the meantime I must get back to01:08:53
my work01:09:01
looking for answers mr. Connor sends his01:09:05
regards he wanted to come himself but01:09:08
he's a very busy man he mentioned some01:09:11
horrible tragedy happened to your mother01:09:13
funny how a few moments in our lives can01:09:16
completely change who we are huh and now01:09:19
you're gonna be taken out by assassins01:09:21
known as the city ninja service you know01:09:31
what to do it and when you're done hey01:09:33
well you forgot to pay me after it's01:09:36
done no no no you have services I'll be01:09:39
sitting into service you'll pay your01:09:41
badge that's a that's on the website01:09:43
you don't sound Japanese you sure you're01:09:45
really ninjas look at my [ __ ] eyes01:09:48
come on give me a check made out to a01:09:50
shitty major service just get it over01:09:53
with01:09:55
[Music]01:09:57
I'm afraid we got paid to assassinate01:10:00
you today so uh we have to do that of01:10:02
course on rice you want to pay us not to01:10:06
$5,00001:10:08
okay nice try you tricky in business but01:10:12
you don't have enough money for bribes01:10:13
so we still have to murder you sorry so01:10:15
hard to find it so change of these days01:10:18
all right kid this is a very important01:10:21
mission you sure you're up to it01:10:22
[Music]01:10:24
come on let's go Freedom Pass we're here01:10:31
for the community service Oh wonderful01:10:34
everyone some of the local children are01:10:36
here to sing for us right01:10:39
[Music]01:10:45
I'd love to play my triangle my triangle01:10:48
goes when I am sad I love to hear my01:10:53
triangle go it cheers me up and it makes01:11:00
me smile you suck01:11:02
we're sorry folks this kid's new I love01:11:04
to play my triangle my triangle goes oh01:11:08
I love to play my mandolin my mandolin01:11:13
goes when I am sad I love to hear my01:11:17
mandolin go it cheers me up and makes me01:11:23
smile get off the stage to play my01:11:29
mandolin my mandolin goes I love to play01:11:39
my flugelhorn my flugelhorn goes I love01:11:43
to play my bugle horn my flugelhorn goes01:11:50
when I am sad I love to hear my bugle01:11:53
horn go disgusting and he makes me smile01:12:06
[Music]01:12:13
[Music]01:12:27
wait that's the kid is the farting01:12:31
vigilante from the news that's the kid01:12:35
going around taking out all the drugs in01:12:37
town01:12:38
vigilante wants to take my brother sent01:12:40
word from doc this is mysterion we had01:12:44
some trouble but the mission is complete01:12:46
nice work everyone new kid01:12:48
congratulations you're officially a01:12:50
member of freedom palace you can join us01:12:52
tonight on our mission to the police01:12:54
station we've ascertained that the01:12:55
police are being paid off by whoever's01:12:57
running crime in the city that's right01:12:58
we believe we'll find the answers to01:13:00
what's going on there welcome to the01:13:02
team Fred we'll see you tonight01:13:04
don't tell anyone we're going to the01:13:05
police station hey new kid come on in01:13:10
and have a seat01:13:11
[Music]01:13:14
okay apparently we're having a little01:13:16
quarrel Craig and tweek have agreed to01:13:19
some counseling as long as your present01:13:21
new kid okay so uh no Craig what do you01:13:23
what do you want to say to tweek I think01:13:26
he has some stuff he should say to me01:13:28
okay okay you want to start okay okay01:13:34
well maybe a new kid maybe you should01:13:35
share some of your thoughts okay well01:13:41
this isn't really going that well um01:13:43
okay boys I want to do an exercise with01:13:45
you uh I have some kids here to help us01:13:47
out we're trying to have some therapy01:13:49
the first thing we need to do is is take01:13:51
out our resentments okay so let's have01:13:54
our resentments come out coming out over01:13:56
come over01:13:57
resentment okay and then in any01:13:59
relationship we also have expectations01:14:02
okay because expectations lead to01:14:05
resentment which of course brings about01:14:07
accusations come on out accusations okay01:14:10
and then that of course leads to01:14:12
victimization and withdrawal now you've01:14:16
got to learn to overcome all of these01:14:18
things okay are you ready are you ready go [ __ ] him01:14:21
up throw right there sweet Greg go go01:14:24
beat the [ __ ] out of them don't you feel01:14:27
better yeah okay we'll just come back any time01:14:31
you need counseling okay that's uh01:14:33
that's it thanks for all your help new01:14:34
kid yeah [ __ ] you expectations thanks do01:14:40
good we have a lot of work to do but I01:14:41
think we both want to do it now Oh new01:14:50
kid over here thank you01:14:52
thanks for coming new kid alright so01:14:54
this is the person you wish to have01:14:55
cosign for you oh that's correct01:14:56
see I had a bunch of minions to help me01:14:58
destroy the town but my plan didn't01:15:00
actually come to fruition so I'm unable01:15:01
to pay the minions at this time all01:15:03
right well what we can do is set up an01:15:05
LLC for you which we can use to fund a01:15:07
money market account co-signed by your01:15:09
friend here whose house we can put a01:15:10
lien on to an overseas investment behind01:15:12
each guy what's gone your friends house01:15:17
it's got owned by a company in Hong Kong01:15:19
now thank you you have a nice day01:15:23
but I just needed to pay my minions I01:15:25
didn't mean to get my friend's house01:15:26
taken away01:15:27
yeah you're not too good at this01:15:28
economic stuff huh perhaps your friend01:15:30
should play yeah you play new kid round01:15:33
and round she goes where she stops01:15:34
nobody knows all right Kate try your01:15:36
luck winner winner chicken dinner these01:15:38
children just got a loan for over eighty01:15:40
thousand dollars to pay immigrant01:15:41
workers their salaries you can be a01:15:43
winner too just keep on trying people01:15:45
here's your check it damn kids that paid01:15:54
immigrant workers yeah they got a loan01:15:56
to pay their minions so you know what01:15:58
that means01:15:59
they took our job they do D wait a01:16:04
minute I thought we were mad because of01:16:07
their gender choice and sexuality and01:16:09
stuff no those are those other guys we01:16:12
just want our jobs baby oh well let's01:16:15
get your jobs and make fun of them for01:16:17
their form of self-identification well01:16:20
gosh I feel bad I don't have enough01:16:22
minion jobs for those fellers but thanks01:16:24
for getting you kid who knows maybe01:16:26
we'll start our own Legion of evil super01:16:27
villains one day that'd be pretty sweet01:16:29
done by all right guys listen up but01:16:32
Lord has discovered that the freedom01:16:33
pals are infiltrating the police station01:16:35
tonight we have to get there before they01:16:37
do the police station we can't take down01:16:40
the police are you crazy01:16:41
yeah just let the freedom cows go do it01:16:43
we can't do that guys because at01:16:46
approximately 10:30 a.m. this morning01:16:48
Class E was arrested by the police how01:16:50
do you know01:16:52
[Music]01:17:04
we have to help repair this we made a01:17:06
promise if we let freedom pals go do01:17:07
this on their own and where the01:17:08
douchebag franchisee they say we are but01:17:10
why would freedom house work with us01:17:13
don't forget the nuke it is all01:17:15
buddy-buddy with freedom pals now but01:17:17
Lord can trick them into an assault on01:17:18
the lower level of the police station01:17:19
and meanwhile we'll sneak in and bust01:17:21
classy apt you're probably going to get01:17:23
the freedom pals killed and then whose01:17:26
superhero franchise would be number one01:17:29
we can't make a promise01:17:31
class everyone get home and get to bed01:17:32
we have a big job to do tonight that'll01:17:37
be all but Lord go home and wait to hear01:17:38
from the Freedom Pass what what do you01:17:43
want now what again with the puppy eyes01:17:49
are you [ __ ] kidding me right now01:17:52
no new kid absolutely not you cannot01:17:54
have another class look I'm sorry about01:17:59
what happened to your mother I know that01:18:01
you want closure but oh no I guess I01:18:05
don't know how if you you're right01:18:07
you're right01:18:08
maybe you should have just one more01:18:10
click you were laying in bed and you01:18:12
heard your mom scream walk down to the01:18:13
hallway you read your parents door and01:18:17
before anything bad could happen01:18:19
you ran inside to protect your mouth but01:18:20
you were too late your dad totally01:18:21
butchered oh I must be tearing you apart01:18:25
inside how people can do that to other01:18:28
people I just I'm so sorry anyway we've01:18:31
got work to do tonight I'll see you at01:18:33
the police station there's nothing more01:18:35
to talk about I'll be in touch tonight01:18:36
after your parents think you're sleeping01:18:37
you stupid [ __ ] cow have another01:18:40
glass of chardonnay why don't you I have01:18:42
to drink to deal with you that marijuana01:18:45
is changing you somehow at least01:18:47
marijuana is natural not like grapes01:18:50
you're [ __ ] hot maybe so but I'm not01:18:54
telling everyone our child's secret she01:18:56
paranoid some more in your room another01:18:58
drink Kelly or another drink Kelly oh01:19:06
hey kiddo daddy's gonna go upstairs to01:19:10
his room mommy's gonna go get a drink01:19:16
sweetie01:19:17
you forgot to eat your dinner mommy put01:19:20
it down on the table come on honey01:19:24
daddy your supper did you put more of01:19:27
that stuff in our child's food shut your01:19:29
[ __ ] mouth01:19:30
we know that medicine doesn't have side01:19:32
effects you drunken [ __ ] [ __ ] dare01:19:43
you make our child side01:19:47
I'm not having anyone choose sides go on01:19:52
down and eat your supper champ01:20:01
[Music]01:20:09
No Ken get dressed and meet me out front01:20:11
hurry the night awaits guru01:20:15
all right freedom pals here's the plan01:20:17
once we get inside the police station01:20:19
toolshed and the new kid will set up a01:20:20
diversion and then done wait a minute01:20:22
what the [ __ ] yeah come on guy said01:20:24
we've got to get inside the police01:20:25
station what are you [ __ ] doing here01:20:27
we're here to investigate a hot lead01:20:28
regarding these South Park Police we're01:20:31
doing oh no no no this is our superhero01:20:34
mission freedom pass [ __ ] you guys do01:20:36
you want before there's a fight fellas01:20:37
fellas have we all forgotten there's a01:20:40
little girl in trouble in there01:20:41
fastpasses rat i suppose that just this01:20:44
once we should put our petty differences01:20:45
aside and work together01:20:48
alright mysterion what's the plan I01:20:50
think some of us should cause a01:20:52
diversion01:20:53
make the cops head towards it so the01:20:54
rest of us can sneak in without the cops01:20:56
noticing good idea current rates will go01:20:58
up the fire escape and cause the01:20:59
diversion so freedom pals can sneak in01:21:00
the front this is all pretty01:21:01
coincidental did you guys just steal our01:21:03
lead again innocent people are being01:21:05
arrested to a shed that's all that01:21:07
matters to us should be all that matters01:21:08
to you okay come freeze up the fight01:21:10
game I guess oh man that's strong [ __ ]01:21:18
you know does this coke seem a little01:21:20
off to you no no this is sweet you guys01:21:22
want to call some hookers what the [ __ ]01:21:24
was that come on let's check it out01:21:26
bring the coke01:21:29
all right come on but Lord the coast is01:21:32
clear01:21:34
that's enough just stand down kid01:21:39
look I know why you're here you're fed01:21:42
up because you think all cops do is01:21:44
harass black people I know that to a01:21:48
young kid it can seem like cops are01:21:50
racist and bigoted but you can't believe01:21:53
what the media tells you cops are just01:21:56
people like you your friends your family01:22:00
people who work hard oh damn I love is01:22:05
key get your ass upstairs sir01:22:13
[Music]01:22:23
okay okay I know this looks bad you01:22:27
really think cops just go around01:22:28
arresting black people for no reason01:22:30
what purpose could that possibly serve01:22:32
it's reverse discrimination that's what01:22:34
it is01:22:35
if we were all black cops and our jails01:22:37
were filled with white people nobody01:22:38
would say a word so I guess you've01:22:41
learned that the real bigots here are01:22:43
you huh kids guess you can all go home01:22:46
no FAC we're innocent so breaking out of01:22:52
jail isn't a crime right I'm not01:22:54
sticking around to find out01:22:55
I smelled a class-action lawsuit supreme01:22:58
court here we come01:22:59
token what did I tell you about playing01:23:01
too rough mom I was defending justice I01:23:03
don't care what you were defending you01:23:05
could have gotten hurt I took more can't01:23:06
hear you think perv ease the pain is he01:23:08
impervious to getting his butt spanked01:23:10
no that's right you know what a cop is01:23:15
new kid a cop is the slave a robot who's01:23:19
told not to think for himself01:23:21
it's the politicians who are the real01:23:23
bigots that mayor has been sitting in01:23:26
her office telling us we have to change01:23:27
our ways the only way to have it removed01:23:30
was to raise crime in the streets and01:23:32
now cops are finally able to do things01:23:34
the old way again don't you see this is01:23:36
better for everyone01:23:38
holy [ __ ] scramble freedom pal we've got01:23:45
the police sheet top floor01:23:49
what can I say you kids have me by the01:23:51
boughs almost by the balls01:23:54
you know not every prisoner we have here01:23:57
is black we actually do have one white01:24:00
guy01:24:01
[Music]01:24:03
this is a trap I'm sorry kids but you01:24:07
left me no choice you still looking good01:24:11
eating the subway sandy cheese hey kids01:24:22
you want some candy01:24:23
oh [ __ ] it's Jared you'll excuse me if I01:24:26
don't want to watch this01:24:28
what are the police doing with the01:24:30
people they arrested haha I'm just a01:24:33
sandwich guy new kid partners face no01:24:37
please please I'm sorry01:24:39
I'll tell you anything what is the01:24:40
police chief hiding that's there's more01:24:43
cells down below cops take that elevator01:24:45
prisoners go down there but they don't01:24:47
come back01:24:48
what's the code come on how should I01:24:51
know huh yeah yeah I see them type it in01:24:53
1 4 7 7 please I'm sorry it's just that01:24:57
I like being with children you know01:24:59
because I because I never had a01:25:01
childhood of my own yeah that's it01:25:02
I like kids cuz I never had a childhood01:25:04
it's your decision new kid part of being01:25:06
a superhero is deciding what to do at01:25:08
moments like these01:25:17
[Music]01:25:24
Wow now it's hardcore this is a one-time01:25:28
shot [ __ ] after tonight we are enemies01:25:30
again our petty little differences01:25:31
aren't what matter right now mysterion01:25:33
black lives matter yeah dick you're a01:25:36
[ __ ] dick mosquito hello hello01:25:42
someone there no I guess no one's there01:25:44
or else they would have said something01:25:46
all right then it's just me and you01:25:49
kitty no one's gonna find us in here come on01:25:52
give me that good stuff stop it01:25:59
Oh bananas the cat got away can't see a01:26:05
thing in here01:26:07
sounds like the cat's getting into the01:26:09
toxic chemicals darn it that's not good01:26:12
I hope those weren't the toxic chemicals01:26:18
I was just talking about this broke on01:26:20
the flow just now oh no I think they01:26:25
were drat those chemicals mixed together01:26:27
on the floor it'll turn into a gas01:26:29
that'll kill me in seconds blast it01:26:32
there's the gas yes it's definitely01:26:36
killing me now01:26:40
oh well thank God the exhaust fans01:26:46
sucking out the toxic gas yeah I'm not01:26:49
gonna die now where's that blasted cat01:26:58
no no I think the cat just jumped into01:27:01
the exhaust pan and jammed it gas01:27:03
filling up the room it's killing me01:27:05
again dying again yeah the emergency01:27:15
door closed I'm trapped in here yeah01:27:23
yeah I'm safe Bob that's it the doors01:27:27
locks I'm stuck in here somebody help me01:27:32
the castle Gillingham I'm really dying01:27:34
this time Jesse I can feel myself dying01:27:38
you're so people it's good yeah wait I01:27:46
think I feel the Mike fish with my01:27:59
[Music]01:28:02
yeah yeah shub-niggurath Black Goat of01:28:05
the woods01:28:06
blessed be us your faithful servants the01:28:09
Destroyers of light yeah yeah chef Nick01:28:12
Arif Black Goat of 1,000 morbid young01:28:15
drawdown the moon and distinguish the01:28:17
Sun alright sir01:28:24
oh I see I guess because cops feed01:28:28
african-americans to an elder god01:28:30
they're racist shub-niggurath is an01:28:33
outer god kids who must be a piece and01:28:36
whose coming was foretold by the great01:28:38
HP Lovecraft but I supposed HP Lovecraft01:28:42
was a racist - oh [ __ ]01:28:45
was he really like like how races really01:28:49
really let's end it all right you kids01:28:57
wanna battle let's do this01:29:04
okay Chuck another one in [ __ ] hell01:29:07
no no the all mother can't stand white01:29:14
eat01:29:26
no I will not let you bring harm to the01:29:29
goat with a thousand young I'm here to01:29:32
protect me my queen I feel like I'm01:29:49
finally safe in this [ __ ] town01:29:51
you're welcome who are you oh my god you01:29:54
guys we've got a hundred bucks to get01:29:55
our franchise off the ground01:29:57
[ __ ] wait what's going on where are01:30:08
you taking that cat oh yeah sorry01:30:10
Freedom House there's a certain Intel we01:30:12
have that we can't share with you you01:30:14
know that's bad that's because we've01:30:16
been tricked ah [ __ ] the new kid played us Freedom01:30:20
House wanting to join our side as a ruse01:30:22
what01:30:23
yeah the new kid kind of totally [ __ ]01:30:25
you guys over sorry they followed our01:30:27
lead to the police station and now01:30:28
intend to get a hundred dollar reward01:30:29
for that missing cat well all's fair in01:30:32
love and war freedom [ __ ] I love you01:30:34
cousin Freda [ __ ] you [ __ ] we're01:30:36
the ones that stopped the police chief's01:30:38
evil plan we deserve that hundred dollar01:30:39
reward oh yeah01:30:41
just try and take it from us we will01:30:43
civil war three going down that's it01:30:46
nuke it we're gonna rip you apart01:30:48
no the stereo no we won't fight the new01:30:50
kid01:30:51
they will alright new kid time to dad01:30:56
let's get this little [ __ ]01:30:58
whoa what the what happened how'd my lip01:31:01
get busted where the [ __ ] did classi go01:31:02
dr. Timothy you [ __ ] animal he was01:31:09
trying to help us01:31:10
dude mysterion is pissed at you new kid01:31:12
you guys started this war not us you01:31:14
don't [ __ ] understand dr. Timothy was01:31:16
working on a way to save all of us01:31:17
freedom pals and [ __ ] friends what easy01:31:24
doc you've taken a lot of hits01:31:26
Wow this is your guy face this is Danny01:31:29
this looks like so much fun01:31:31
yeah cool air has not closed up dude but01:31:34
daddy's care doctor Timothy was never01:31:36
your enemy he was trying to help us all01:31:38
but how with this01:31:44
oh my god they figured it out it was dr.01:31:48
Timothy's passion he worked tirelessly01:31:50
on it a franchise plan that involved01:31:52
everyone each hero got their own movie01:31:54
and TV series every hero mathematically01:31:56
equal to the other so while we were out01:32:08
trying to stick it to you guys Timmy was01:32:10
actually trying to include us yeah and01:32:12
then this kid nearly killed him we're01:32:14
sorry the new kid is an [ __ ] that01:32:15
isn't our fault yeah we were just using01:32:17
you guys there's a $100 reward for this01:32:20
cat you wanted her to yourselves yeah01:32:23
but not anymore if we proved anything01:32:25
tonight it's that we are the best when01:32:27
we are all together it's too late for01:32:29
that we all started as one team we all01:32:31
wanted to be superheroes for the same01:32:33
reason to sell our franchise and make01:32:35
millions of dollars let's be one team01:32:36
again I agree come on guys no more Civil01:32:39
War let's give the reward money for this01:32:41
cat and use it together for one01:32:43
franchise yeah let's do it01:32:45
all right but we're calling it freedom01:32:47
house freedom pals and so like Jimmy is01:32:52
sort of the leader of freedom path he's01:32:54
like don't he's like the one in charge01:32:55
yes well I think it's awesome honestly01:32:59
Freedom House is way better name than01:33:00
[ __ ] and friends freedom01:33:03
freedom pass I'm super cool with this01:33:05
then itself tomorrow we get the reward01:33:08
money for scrambles and we use it to01:33:09
kickstart Timmy's franchise plan01:33:11
together01:33:12
freedom pals retribution inclusion but01:33:15
yeah you guys let's do this01:33:22
[Music]01:33:31
the news program that starts your day01:33:34
off right good morning South Park an attack on the01:33:38
SP PD police station last night has left01:33:40
citizens in shock and disbelief with01:33:43
prisoners now on the loose and policemen01:33:44
in the hospital one member of the01:33:46
Chamber of Commerce has had enough and01:33:48
is announcing his bid for mayor citizens01:33:51
have stopped deserve to be a safe thanks01:33:54
from vigilantes who go around voting on01:33:56
people dead01:33:57
together we can free ourselves from the01:33:59
anal terrorism that has been forced upon01:34:01
us my name is Mitch Conner and I endorse01:34:05
this message this kid is here to take01:34:12
back my father's credit card.you [ __ ]01:34:14
up thieves you gave us your dad's credit01:34:17
card when you wanted time in the01:34:18
wrestling pit with us not true I just01:34:20
wanted to leave then why did you say01:34:22
hang on I'll be right back with my dad's01:34:23
credit card he won't even know it's gone01:34:25
no more head games give me the card or01:34:27
there's gonna be trouble laughs Adam01:34:29
here gasps oh there's about to be raised01:34:31
it's girls night no kid you're the best01:34:37
I've been watching you and I believe we01:34:39
can help each other have you heard of01:34:42
the super best friends well it is I see01:34:45
man a powerful super hero with the01:34:49
amazing ability to talk to fish and swim01:34:52
its semen that see man it is my job to01:34:57
help all creatures of the sea01:34:59
and right now there is a gay fish who01:35:01
wants help getting his mother into01:35:03
heaven I want to help the little gay01:35:04
fish but all the other super best01:35:06
friends keep saying they're too busy01:35:07
will you help01:35:09
then swim down to the water's depth with01:35:12
me don't worry my water defenses shall01:35:14
protect you and so the new kid dives01:35:18
down through the water protected by01:35:20
seaman sea man down to weather little01:35:24
gay fish makes his home do not cry than01:35:31
a fish I have returned and with help oh01:35:33
thank you seaman you really think you01:35:35
can help my mom get to heaven it's sea01:35:37
man and yes I do01:35:38
this child has incredible powers all01:35:41
right if you get my mom into heaven I01:35:42
will give you three million dollars and01:35:44
some jewelry just touch my little gay01:35:46
flipper and we shall be magically01:35:47
transported to help her seaman and his01:35:54
sidekick are transported to Valhalla01:35:56
where another fish rides a unicorn I'm01:35:59
here mama it's me we're gonna get you to01:36:03
heaven mama just hold on this kid's01:36:05
gonna help01:36:06
[Music]01:36:10
I love you mama yeah bye see you soon01:36:16
wait what the [ __ ] is that supposed to01:36:18
mean mama hold on a sec what is that you01:36:25
have done very well my child thank you01:36:27
Jesus not you seaman the kid see man oh01:36:31
yeah right anyway you had no reason to01:36:35
help this little gay fish my child and01:36:37
yet you did kid had every reason to help01:36:39
me I'm a lyrical genius voice of a01:36:41
generation I see that you were trying to01:36:43
determine your spirituality my child01:36:45
allow me to help thee there are good and01:36:47
bad in every religion my child which are01:36:50
you atheist Buddhist Kris okay you're a01:37:08
neutral Christian congratulations my01:37:24
child you know who you are no you are01:37:27
one step closer to believing in yourself01:37:29
good luck my little neutral Christian01:37:35
well well well look at what we've got01:37:38
here we've got ourselves a cisgender01:37:42
heterosexual white American neutral01:37:47
Christian dang Cletus why are you01:37:51
talking like that dialog tree ah I got01:37:55
you we don't take kindly to your types01:37:57
around here let's welcome this fan tart01:38:05
[Music]01:38:08
it's all God man01:38:10
Timmy's franchise plan all that work01:38:13
it's barely even readable you must have01:38:15
come in the night got past the security01:38:16
grid who the hell would do this I'll bet01:38:21
it was the sixth graders only they would01:38:23
stoop to this level no this was someone01:38:25
who wanted to hurt us personally yes01:38:29
sirree incoming video message play the01:38:31
message fullscreen hey isn't that the new kids01:38:38
parents this is a message to [ __ ] and01:38:41
friends oh god damn it looks like I had01:38:44
something that the new kid works that's01:38:46
good because the new kid had something01:38:48
good I want Connor01:38:49
that's son-of-a-bitch01:38:51
care to make a trade new kid let's make01:38:54
a deal hey listen you're gonna be a big01:38:56
trouble and then do exactly as I say new01:39:06
kid or you will never see your parents01:39:07
again and hurry or else there'll be more01:39:10
of this where are they fat-ass where is01:39:19
who human cats the new kids parents where01:39:21
are they how should I know because01:39:23
that's [ __ ] you you took the new kids01:39:25
parents because you hate that we merged01:39:27
with Freedom House that's not true01:39:29
I want this mega franchise more than01:39:30
anybody haven't got you have five01:39:34
seconds Cartman I'm on your side01:39:36
yo kid you believe me don't you01:39:42
[Music]01:39:57
[Music]01:40:04
ready kill you01:40:08
[Music]01:40:10
so you think you can outsmart a shitty01:40:13
me judge oh don't think you can run from01:40:19
a shitty ninja you see shitty ninja01:40:23
always have a back-up plan you have made01:40:27
many enemies in this town vigilante and01:40:31
now you have to face us they took our01:40:42
jobs01:40:43
[Music]01:40:45
hahaha everybody mad at you prepared01:40:50
everyone else doesn't matter there's no01:40:52
time let's get this fat turf while we01:40:54
can't alright one two three wherever if01:41:03
it isn't the freedom paths and their01:41:05
newest recruit what have you done with01:41:07
the new kids parents badass nothing yet01:41:09
but when I'm finished with you I can't01:41:11
say they'll be exactly safe this has01:41:14
gone far enough we end it now the only01:41:16
thing about the end is you missed area01:41:18
we aren't gonna fight you coming now put01:41:20
your stupid hand down and stop playing01:41:22
game01:41:23
we have to stop him you guys he's got01:41:26
all the new kids followers now even with01:41:28
their help you can't stop me king we'll01:41:30
see about that [ __ ] all right01:41:32
Cartman you want us to kill Mitch Conner01:41:34
will [ __ ] kill him01:41:39
where are they where are the new kids01:41:41
parents01:41:43
y'all never knew01:41:45
Potter no [ __ ] he's gone come on we're01:41:49
taking this back piece of [ __ ] back to01:41:50
base what fat piece of [ __ ] have it Cass01:41:52
the only way we're going to get Carmen01:41:53
to talk is to torture him yeah sometimes01:41:55
torture is the only answer you're gonna01:41:56
torture me for what everyone get back to01:41:58
freedom pals base we have to make this01:41:59
[ __ ] talk what are you talking about01:42:01
guys it's me the king with this what is01:42:07
wrong with you guys I'm not your enemy01:42:09
you're going to talk Cartman new kid01:42:10
you're going to have to make carbon talk01:42:12
what what are you gonna do with that01:42:18
you guys are wasting your time I'm the01:42:20
king torture doesn't work against me01:42:22
remember so what I just have to watch01:42:26
you eat is that it I'm not afraid01:42:30
broccoli I'm not afraid of broccoli it01:42:32
gets a bad rap if you ask me01:42:41
yeah see it doesn't even faze me01:42:48
oh this is so weak not even a little bit01:42:57
I can cobble this part touch is that a01:43:02
cuttlefish but I prefer salmon myself01:43:06
[Music]01:43:14
howdy well I guess we're done here huh01:43:17
someone reach around and give it not01:43:23
you're not gonna eat that chili dog are01:43:25
you that's not chili on top now that01:43:27
pretty grows you yes what cats I just01:43:40
remembered counter the first time every day he said01:43:43
something about making cats more01:43:45
powerful than yes I said he must he must01:43:47
want to genetically alter the cats the01:43:49
genetics laugh doctor mephesto yes that01:43:52
must be a test can I help you yeah we01:43:57
signed up for the tour ah yes the night01:43:59
tour correct oh yeah we're a little early well I'm01:44:01
afraid for safety purposes the tours are01:44:03
only offered from 10:00 p.m. to midnight01:44:04
what just to be extra spooky it'll be01:44:07
worth the wait my friends see you01:44:08
tonight01:44:09
[ __ ] now what do we do we'll just have01:44:12
to race we can't afford to let anyone01:44:14
else go in or out of this case I agree01:44:16
we're just gonna have to wait here till01:44:17
nighttime okay how far where's that01:44:19
about six hours all right01:44:21
sweet six hours and we're good to go01:44:40
holy [ __ ] dude what the hell just01:44:42
happened oh dude it smells like rotten01:44:45
meat out here well looks like it's never01:44:46
easy01:44:48
I was there to the tour yes come in01:45:10
[Music]01:45:14
now some young people interested in01:45:17
genetic engineering huh01:45:18
wonderful please come in01:45:21
oh hello oh there's more hello Kay my my01:45:26
there's a lot of you ha01:45:30
well I'm so pleased that you children01:45:32
are interested in genetic engineering01:45:34
genetic science began as a simple01:45:36
question can a monkey be made to have01:45:39
four asses instead of one the answer was01:45:43
yes and now we've been able to give more01:45:45
asses to pigs horses everything you can01:45:47
imagine01:45:48
yes little boy out of that help oh01:45:50
you're one of the cynics huh well meet01:45:53
me over here for the tour and I'll show01:45:54
you how come on don't be shy we don't01:45:57
want to miss the forest gorillas feeding01:45:59
please have a seat you ever play that01:46:02
video game half-life okay here we go01:46:04
[Music]01:46:07
here you can see our greenhouse genetic01:46:10
engineering is helpful to grow larger01:46:11
tomatoes onions cucumbers fruits and01:46:14
vegetables with more asses means more01:46:16
nutrition for people all around the01:46:18
planet what good does that do huh you01:46:21
bible-thumpers are all alike don't play01:46:23
God you'll pay for it let's continue up01:46:25
to the second level shall we01:46:31
another benefit of genetic science of01:46:34
course is combining animals like these01:46:36
donkey Apes bunny fish squirrel donkeys01:46:39
and more once we put more asses on these01:46:41
we will truly be benefiting science will01:46:43
you please explain how that benefits01:46:45
science at all what's your name little01:46:47
boy super Greg you see super craig once01:46:50
we know how to do things to animals we01:46:52
can hopefully apply them to mankind you01:46:54
think having more asses is impossible I01:46:56
tell you it's not you see genetic01:47:00
engineering is not just for animals and01:47:02
veggies we are working towards helping01:47:04
people as well01:47:05
here you can see genetic mutations of my01:47:08
dead son most people don't remember that01:47:10
I once had a young child named Terrence01:47:12
well yeah I remember that kid I was01:47:14
wondering what ever had to be here01:47:15
Terrence was killed tragically in town01:47:17
when some kids were playing around with01:47:19
a relic belonging to Barbara Streisand01:47:21
oh jeez I think that was us so you're01:47:24
doing this all as a way to bring back01:47:25
your dead son bring it back well of01:47:28
course not I'm trying to give his dead01:47:30
body more asses so he can finally rest01:47:32
in peace now let's continue on to the01:47:34
fourth floor ah [ __ ] well here we are01:47:39
the top floor of the building and the01:47:41
end of our tour what are these these01:47:43
horrible monstrous mistakes of science01:47:46
our new benefactor has asked that we01:47:48
genetically alter some of the local01:47:50
sixth graders and make them stronger and01:47:52
crazier okay okay why the [ __ ] would you01:47:55
do that how do you mean why the [ __ ]01:47:57
would you make kinetically it had sixth01:47:59
graders calm down super Craig how do you01:48:01
think we pay for all this we have01:48:02
financial donors our latest benefactor01:48:05
has asked for this army of mutated sixth01:48:07
graders to protect his altar cats01:48:09
what altered cats no right over this way01:48:13
a wealthy benefactor named mr. Connor01:48:16
has donated money to have stray cats01:48:18
enhanced with more asses our company can01:48:21
add asses to things like very01:48:22
competitive rates problem is that cats01:48:25
seem to become really aggressive when01:48:27
given Norris's they've proven to be01:48:29
quite deadly why would you break up like01:48:31
a kid's up here look there's nothing to01:48:33
worry about this entire facility has a01:48:35
very complex security grid huh that's01:48:41
never happened before oh [ __ ] someone01:48:43
shut down the security grid what do you01:48:45
mean what are you doing you should have01:49:13
known Mitch hi mr. Connor if you shut01:49:18
down the security grid then everyone in01:49:20
this building is going to die what01:49:26
solo freedom01:49:28
[Music]01:49:32
[Applause]01:49:33
[Music]01:49:43
my poor creatures we must escape the lab01:49:47
maybe maybe we can go through some of01:49:49
the larger exhibits this way children01:49:54
mutant sixth graders are on the loose01:49:56
this was definitely not supposed to01:49:58
happen it's okay we'll be safe in the01:50:08
tour trim all the tour tram is offline01:50:10
somebody's gonna have to get to the CPU01:50:12
and hit the override switch where's the01:50:14
CPU down on the third level it was silly01:50:16
to put it there with me so somebody has01:50:18
to walk down to the third level and flip01:50:20
the switch01:50:22
got it sorry kid but it really should be01:50:25
you anyway yeah if you think about it01:50:27
this is all kind of here01:50:36
come here dork hey Jasper came over here01:50:41
need there's a picture of some Pheebs01:50:43
man babes I want to see some boobs where01:50:47
new kid thank god you've got to stop him01:50:50
he's out of his mind01:50:51
carving you [ __ ] [ __ ] what are you01:50:52
doing Connor brought me here to even01:50:54
catch six son of a [ __ ] oh you shut up01:50:56
King soon this town will be rid of you01:50:58
and all the [ __ ] friends01:51:00
we're Freedom House fat ass we know what01:51:02
you're doing Eric putting cat urine into01:51:04
people's drugs and alcohol to make them01:51:06
crazy we want to know why yeah why you01:51:08
stick me too thick do I really have to01:51:10
spell it out Kim this city is sick we01:51:12
both know it there's only one time of01:51:14
year when this town is the way it should01:51:15
be on Christmas so I joined the Chamber01:51:18
of Commerce and use them to unleash my01:51:20
master plan escalate crime in the city01:51:24
blame crime on mayor run for mayor get01:51:26
tons of followers clone your kid into01:51:27
genetic mutant win election make01:51:29
everyday Christmas where do you think01:51:30
pretty sweet plan right dude quick take01:51:33
a selfie it's almost a shame that no one01:51:43
will ever know how perfectly my plan01:51:44
worked01:51:45
dude you've got too far this time01:51:46
nobody's gonna let you be near her no01:51:49
I've got all the new kids followers01:51:51
every last one of them is now following01:51:53
me gee that was smart Eric I know that01:51:56
Christmas every day sounds like fun but01:51:58
it really wouldn't be Becky dr. Tim01:52:00
McGee if you guys don't mind I've got an01:52:03
election to win01:52:07
damnit well there goes the main CPU darn01:52:10
it why did I put that thing on a01:52:11
mobilize trapdoor why wouldn't you I'm01:52:14
afraid now someone will have to go clear01:52:16
to the ground level and call for the01:52:17
tour tram from there alright fine01:52:20
hurry up new ok we gotta get out of here01:52:21
yeah new kid stop wasting time looks01:52:30
like you've run into mutant 6th graders01:52:32
oh and they look hungry don't get eaten01:52:42
[Music]01:52:51
sweetie mommy can't walk you have to go01:52:54
into town and get help sweetheart listen01:52:57
to me they were about to cut off your father's01:52:59
had to scan his DNA I'm sorry sweetheart01:53:02
but you have to finish the job the only01:53:04
way out of here is to kill daddy oh01:53:14
you're the victim again huh01:53:17
like you don't deconstruct everything I01:53:20
say okay go do it sweetie go cut off01:53:25
daddy's head hurry01:53:28
what'd she say did she say how nothing01:53:31
is their fault like usual I knew01:53:33
something like this would happen and01:53:35
it's why I've told your mother to keep01:53:37
her [ __ ] mouth shut I told you if our01:53:41
child's powers were discovered they'd01:53:43
try to harvest our DNA and make it to01:53:45
that explode listen kiddo the CPU is01:53:50
waiting for either of our DNA just trick01:53:53
your mom into walking over01:54:01
[Music]01:54:06
you hear that go get mommy's heart that01:54:09
should do it01:54:12
[Music]01:54:13
no please baby I've lost a lot of blood01:54:16
already01:54:21
if you take my arm it will kill me01:54:24
please don't kill mommy sweetheart mommy01:54:28
loves you01:54:31
[Music]01:54:45
this is your last chance don't hit that01:54:48
last button anyway wait before you do01:54:52
this before you do this01:54:54
about what she's been putting in your01:54:56
food trust me mr. Lasker you'll want to01:54:59
know this01:55:03
okay okay wait wait wait is this is this01:55:07
about the medicine I put in your food we01:55:09
did it to protect you your dad knew it01:55:12
had side effects so ask him go ask your01:55:14
dad about the side effect01:55:28
your pops ghetto don't kill your mother01:55:44
[Music]01:55:48
mommy's proud of you the white thing01:56:10
sweetheart no get out of here and don't01:56:12
get help01:56:18
organic DNA sample accepted there we go01:56:31
see that wasn't so hard was it01:56:34
what took you so long new kid you just01:56:35
screwing around having fun alright01:56:36
freedom house we've gotta get out to the01:56:38
town and tell everyone what Cartman is01:56:39
doing01:56:41
I don't think so gasps you came all this01:56:45
way just to die [ __ ] and friends freedom01:56:47
pals can't in France freedom pals Kuna01:56:50
fans can affect a defense careful guys01:56:52
he's got some kind of super weapon it's01:56:54
over fat ass we're gonna tell everyone01:56:55
on you yeah you hear that Connor01:56:57
you shut up King we need each other01:57:00
don't you get it I creates a crime and01:57:02
you stomp it out I am good for your01:57:04
franchise oh [ __ ] I get it now but then01:57:07
the new kid had to come along and try to01:57:08
stop me for good I had no choice but to01:57:10
have my own new kid built what have you01:57:13
done Eric simple how do you stop a [ __ ]01:57:15
friend by creating a massive genetically01:57:18
altered [ __ ] friend from that heroes DNA01:57:20
what dude that's so [ __ ] bass what do01:57:22
you mean key really you're just gonna01:57:24
fight a superhero by creating a big01:57:25
genetic mutant from the heroes DNA01:57:26
that's like every douchebag superhero01:57:28
movie ever01:57:29
yeah cuz it's kid it's not kid no no01:57:31
it's cool because it's like the ultimate01:57:32
enemy Oh give me a break01:57:33
well anyways I wasn't able to finish01:57:35
getting the new kids DNA so I had to01:57:37
resort to cloning a different superhero01:57:39
which superhero01:57:47
[Music]01:57:54
[Music]01:58:06
it's okay cousin we'll get you help01:58:09
because I respect Ruiz affected migraine01:58:12
and I have to attack you all over get a01:58:14
migraine prepare for battle weakly we can't beat01:58:18
this thing we have to hold off until01:58:20
daylight his skin can't handle the Sun how we01:58:22
gonna last till daytime I don't know but01:58:24
we have to try I finish cleaning my01:58:27
gravy01:58:30
[Music]01:58:36
[Music]01:59:03
oh oh I think I gotta pull myself I01:59:07
don't think I should play anymore that01:59:15
was pretty amazing dude I've never heard01:59:17
anyone rippling like that well I hope01:59:19
you've all enjoyed the tour maybe now01:59:21
you have a new appreciation for what01:59:22
genetic engineering has to offer you're01:59:25
now all free to exit right through the01:59:26
gift shop01:59:27
yes shop feel free to look around before01:59:30
enjoying the rest of your day perhaps01:59:32
you'd like to buy a I survived genetic01:59:34
mutants t-shirt or purchase a photo of01:59:36
you enjoying the tour lots of great01:59:41
things to remember your visit let's get01:59:42
the [ __ ] out of here that was [ __ ]01:59:44
oh no what did it mysterion to the nuke01:59:55
it farted so fake he made it next week01:59:57
what check your phone's it's ten days01:59:59
later call great and you keep farting us02:00:02
to next week way to go new kids all the02:00:08
new kids come on Freedom Pass we have to02:00:10
stop him the whole mayor's office block02:00:13
like a fortress02:00:14
how can Cartman do that he can do02:00:16
whatever he wants he's mad look up in02:00:18
the window02:00:19
[Music]02:00:28
it's over we lost but we can't lose face02:00:32
it Kyle02:00:33
thanks to the new kid Cartman is mayor02:00:35
and there's no one left to help us new02:00:42
kid new kid come in pretty sure that's02:00:45
Morgan Freeman new kid there's been some02:00:49
kind of time shift anomaly I can only02:00:51
assume it came from your ass come to the02:00:54
taco shop we have to fix this I'll02:01:00
report to Freeman's tacos now Morgan02:01:05
Freeman says he can help us stop02:01:06
partment it's the new kids fault he02:01:10
ordered us forward in time new kid your02:01:13
father sped up time we have to somehow02:01:16
go back and stop Mitch Conner from ever02:01:19
rising to power this is the seven-layer02:01:23
quesarito Chipotle beefy nacho supreme02:01:26
the last time someone tried it they02:01:29
farted so bad it created a wormhole that02:01:31
made time travel possible now I have to02:01:35
warn you friend once you eat the02:01:37
seven-layer quesarito Chipotle beefy02:01:39
nacho supreme there is no going back02:01:42
make sure you have everything you need02:01:45
before you eat this do you understand so02:01:48
you're ready to heat the seven-layer02:01:50
quesarito Chipotle beefy nacho supreme02:01:58
now you must fart back in time to before02:02:01
Mitch Conner was sworn into office you02:02:03
can do it you just have to believe in02:02:06
yourself02:02:23
you can't I don't think it burn02:02:26
are you sure you're believing in02:02:28
yourself02:02:38
Merry Christmas guys first let's go02:02:45
let's get [ __ ] up02:02:50
we're too late the new kids such as02:02:52
forward in time to when Cartman is02:02:54
already mayor you have to take us back02:02:56
immediate back to before this all02:02:58
happened02:03:04
it isn't working I think maybe the new02:03:06
kid had a fractured but whole fractured02:03:08
but whole that's ridiculous toolshed us02:03:11
right we have to get the kid to a doctor02:03:12
fast02:03:13
be careful new kid South Park is a02:03:14
really scary place on Christmas02:03:19
[Music]02:03:40
[Music]02:03:45
now don't be scared young we're simply02:03:47
here to celebrate the coming of our Lord02:03:48
and Savior02:03:53
Merry Christmas everybody02:03:56
[Music]02:03:59
if we murder him we get fries you don't02:04:08
wait a minute it's Christmas I know who02:04:11
can help new kid you have to pray to02:04:14
Christ02:04:38
you can't put your faith in Jesus02:04:43
to Christ02:04:46
[Music]02:04:53
[Music]02:05:04
all right who the [ __ ] Holt sent it down02:05:07
from the sky02:05:08
you killed my reindeer Santa Claus well02:05:19
now maybe we can eat his flesh hail02:05:21
Satan oh you little [ __ ] critters again02:05:23
huh Santa's gonna kick the [ __ ] out of02:05:26
you02:05:29
well it's yummy weren't expected Santa02:05:32
to show up whatever will we do we're in02:05:34
a bit of a bind rabid II don't be sad02:05:36
beary shucks I can just sacrifice myself02:05:39
[Music]02:05:43
you're welcome kids now what the [ __ ] is02:05:47
this all about we're sorry but we're02:05:49
trying to go back in time but the new02:05:50
kid has a fractured puddle so we're02:05:52
trying to get him to the abortion clinic02:05:54
all right you kids get his ass fix Santa02:05:57
we'll hold off these drunken [ __ ] rods02:05:59
get moving to the abortion clinic02:06:03
hey stand back kids we got a lot of02:06:05
abortions today it's Christmas we need a02:06:08
doctor to look at our friends [ __ ]02:06:10
lemme guess has got a big crack down the02:06:12
middle ha ha ha the mayor has to be02:06:18
stopped we know how to do it02:06:20
the mayor that scumbag made the town02:06:23
that [ __ ] always today we can put a stop02:06:25
to it please just look at our friends02:06:30
can you fix it I put a splint on it and02:06:33
a little sling to take pressure off the02:06:35
sphincter try again try to take us back02:06:39
[Music]02:06:42
you can do it you kid02:07:14
they want you to come out and play we02:07:24
should be happy that he's made friends02:07:25
in this town so quickly we came here to02:07:27
hide more friends just means more02:07:29
trouble you're being paranoid02:07:31
you need to lay off that stuff it's02:07:32
changing you oh the one thing that helps02:07:36
me relax from your stupid [ __ ] oh hey02:07:40
whippersnapper02:07:41
didn't see you there your friends are02:07:43
downstairs kiddo get out there and play02:07:50
all this what are you kids doing we02:07:52
stopped playing superheroes like five02:07:53
days ago yeah get lost Newsmax02:07:55
this isn't a trick it's base Frank [ __ ]02:07:58
you dude I'm great02:07:59
we don't have time for this stand aside02:08:01
we have to get department well you just02:08:03
have to get back us into our kids Bo you02:08:06
cannot cross here this is all lava we02:08:08
don't have time for this [ __ ]02:08:09
oh my god how do you do that are you02:08:12
joking it's like the rules don't even02:08:13
matter Jesus Christ did you see them02:08:16
oh hi kids I believe Eric is up in his02:08:18
room02:08:22
yes I was just traveling back in time to02:08:25
find you a cat's missing there's a big02:08:26
reward wait why you guys already playing02:08:28
superheroes we know what you're up to02:08:29
fat-ass mysterion but you're with the02:08:31
freedom house02:08:32
we're all freedom pals we're from the02:08:34
future you fat turd no I'm from the02:08:35
future I was just coming back to sticker02:08:36
two times to get you guys we aren't02:08:38
playing anymore we know everything show us your left02:08:41
hand my left hand is your [ __ ] left02:08:43
hand02:08:48
Hey hello freedom pass time travel ain't02:08:52
it a [ __ ] Connor what the hell are you02:08:54
doing here I had a plan to use the new02:08:56
kid as means to get what I always wanted02:08:58
but it looks like some do-gooders02:08:59
travelled back in time to stop me02:09:01
carpet I swear to God if you don't knock02:09:03
it off that's okay because I still know02:09:05
something you all don't what's that how02:09:08
to make someone fart super bad by02:09:09
hitting them in the solar plexus yeah02:09:15
[Music]02:09:18
we know now we get key02:09:32
you02:09:38
where are we now Connor we're in the02:09:41
time that a superhero was born02:09:42
recognize this place new kid a little02:09:46
child laying awake at night unable to02:09:47
sleep why have you brought us here don't02:09:50
you see this is the night new kid02:09:52
fateful night your dad [ __ ] your mom02:09:55
you walked to the mirror don't do this02:09:57
to him02:09:58
but don't you see Kim this is what he02:09:59
wanted all along to fix it oh you heard02:10:03
your mother calling for help02:10:05
so you have your room go new kid you02:10:08
can't change the past of course you can02:10:10
go look02:10:19
okay don't you see new kid I've given02:10:22
you an opportunity which will you do new02:10:24
kid fight the bad guys again or fight02:10:26
your younger self so that you never have02:10:28
to witness what's behind your parents02:10:29
door bad guys hey man look we're just02:10:33
followers right02:10:35
you're the little kid with us like a02:10:36
zillion followers right we just thought02:10:38
when we thought that if you could add us02:10:40
and maybe you know maybe we could have02:10:43
friends because we don't really have any02:10:46
followers couldn't you please add us oh02:10:49
boy oh boy our moments our moment is02:10:55
finally here Wow02:11:01
ready when you are new kid it's02:11:05
happening we did it everyone I'm so02:11:13
happy02:11:21
[Music]02:11:24
oh hey kiddo everything all right yeah02:11:34
go back to bed honey daddy and I are a02:11:37
little busy okay you did it02:11:39
you stopped your dad you saved your mom02:11:41
you hit that's right and now there's02:11:43
nobody left to stop me I'm off to02:11:46
another ten ten I don't know who the02:11:48
hell are you I'm the king this is your02:11:50
kid from the future our child from the02:11:52
future oh god I knew something like this02:11:55
would happen our child knows we've been02:11:57
lying and wants some answers02:11:59
you're right kiddo we've been dishonest02:12:01
but only because we wanted to protect02:12:04
you the truth is your mom and I have02:12:07
certain abilities powers that normal02:12:11
humans don't have I discovered mine when02:12:14
I was younger one day I created a facebook profile and02:12:17
within a few hours I had over 3 million02:12:21
followers my powers are similar except they only02:12:24
seem to work on Instagram I got 402:12:26
million followers as soon as I posted my02:12:28
first picture of course powers like that02:12:30
don't go unnoticed for long shortly02:12:33
after that your mother and I were02:12:34
kidnapped by the government where they02:12:36
had scientists spending months doing02:12:38
experiments on us trying to figure out02:12:40
how we were able to gain so many02:12:41
followers so fast02:12:43
that's why your dad and I met and fell02:12:45
in love inside a cold damp government02:12:48
lab yes by day they ran experiments and02:12:51
by night we made sweet love02:12:54
my powers combined with your mother's02:12:57
you received over 10 million followers02:12:59
the minute you were born and by the time02:13:04
they cut the umbilical cord02:13:05
you were already more powerful than all02:13:08
the Kardashians combined that's why we02:13:10
had to escape because we knew the02:13:12
government would use you to do horrible02:13:14
things and we've been on the run ever02:13:16
since moving from city to city always02:13:19
trying to stay one step ahead but02:13:22
everywhere we go you just can't seem to02:13:24
stop gaining followers sometimes they02:13:29
even break into our house and use our02:13:30
toilet just to be close to you that's02:13:32
why we've been putting special medicine02:13:34
in your dinner sweetie to try to curb02:13:36
your powers but it didn't work the side02:13:39
effects of the medicine just gave you02:13:40
really powerful and really smelly farts02:13:43
we're sorry kiddo oh my god I feel so02:13:47
relieved to have finally told the truth02:13:49
me too honey I you know I don't think I02:13:53
need to drink anymore and I don't need02:13:55
to run from my problems with pop02:13:56
brownies oh honey I feel like your02:13:59
future is going to be totally different02:14:01
now I believe in us God but what about02:14:06
you sweetie now that you know the truth02:14:08
do do you think you can believe in02:14:10
yourself too02:14:31
[Music]02:14:42
we're back in downtown South Park but02:14:44
where is everybody02:14:45
more importantly what period of time02:14:47
have we landed it looks like this town02:14:56
sucked for a long time and finally Mitch02:15:01
Conner is going to be sworn in as mayor02:15:03
it's my honor to introduce Mitch Conner02:15:07
today a man with some [ __ ] come on we02:15:20
can still stop this [ __ ] there is guys02:15:24
yours I'm oh thank god02:15:28
Mitch Connors about to be sworn in come02:15:29
on guys we gotta stop him you're not02:15:31
going anywhere you piece of [ __ ]02:15:32
you're gonna finally admit this was all02:15:34
you I am NOT on Mitch Conner sighs you02:15:36
has not this you are Mitch Conner admit02:15:39
it Cartman no I'm not how admit it no child I have02:15:43
no control over Mitch Conner02:15:44
you are Mitch Conner you've always been02:15:46
Mitch Conner and you better stop right02:15:47
[ __ ] now then how do you explain this02:15:50
care02:15:53
well well well the plot thickens that's02:15:58
not funny cap I'm not doing it dude [ __ ]02:16:02
you02:16:03
what's the matter King shoes on the02:16:04
other hand how [ __ ] knock it off why02:16:07
are you pissed at him because he's02:16:08
[ __ ] making it up that's why I'm not02:16:09
making it up dude that's your [ __ ]02:16:11
hand [ __ ] stop [ __ ] trolling me how02:16:13
is he telling you Ken because he's02:16:14
trying to teach me a lesson about being02:16:15
deceitful02:16:16
wait so you admit you were making it up02:16:18
before see this is a troll to get me to02:16:19
admit I was trolling you guys this is02:16:22
just when I learn it all the [ __ ]02:16:23
friends at each other's throats02:16:25
dude come on are you doing that maybe he02:16:28
is which means maybe Cartman was just02:16:30
doing it before well will you admit it02:16:32
Cartman you see that proves it see what02:16:34
he's doing right I have no [ __ ] idea02:16:36
how one little issue of mistrust can rip02:16:38
a team apart well freedom pass who do02:16:41
you attack me or the King funny dude I'm02:16:47
not doing it bull [ __ ]02:16:50
what's the matter [ __ ] you're not happy02:16:52
to see me dude dude enough already02:16:55
you got a drop it half you [ __ ] drop02:16:59
it can't ask tell these guys you were02:17:02
just [ __ ] with me they're gonna just02:17:04
keep beating the [ __ ] out of both of us02:17:05
yeah dude Kyle if you're just [ __ ]02:17:07
with us we have to know you're just02:17:08
making things more confusing if I was02:17:10
just [ __ ] with you02:17:11
then so is he fine maybe I'll admit it02:17:14
I'll admit I was just [ __ ] with you02:17:16
guys but only have Kyle admits to at02:17:18
first but not seeing anything until he02:17:21
does you admit it first all right fine02:17:25
at the same time all right on three02:17:28
we're both said I was just [ __ ] with02:17:30
you fine fine okay fine02:17:33
one two three I was just [ __ ] with02:17:36
you haha gotcha oh you [ __ ]02:17:39
and02:17:41
our town has been led by a dumbass [ __ ]02:17:45
mayor who never did anything to stop02:17:48
crime and now Mitch Carter's gonna just02:17:52
make me mayor already02:17:53
it's Mitch corner all right to begin the02:18:02
inauguration mr. Connor would you raise02:18:05
your right hand please I do solemnly02:18:12
swear I'd you solemnly swear02:18:14
[Music]02:18:19
what's going on here just finish this02:18:20
Kevin honey everyone listen this is all02:18:23
just a plan to get more crime in our02:18:25
town so that the [ __ ] and French02:18:26
franchise would be bigger than the02:18:27
freedom pound franchise cat urine has02:18:32
been put into your drugs and alcohol to02:18:33
raise crime in the city so that the [ __ ]02:18:35
would have more crime to fight02:18:36
everything was Mitch Conner rads a fat02:18:42
raccoon no don't you get it02:18:44
he did it all go ahead new kid show them02:18:47
the selfie you took02:18:49
[Music]02:18:55
good now upload it to me and I'll put it02:18:57
on Connors Instagram for everyone to see02:19:05
look [ __ ] Connors plan hey they're02:19:08
right you mean he was putting poison in02:19:10
our wine and cocaine y-yeah I tell you02:19:17
that because the new kid isn't the only02:19:20
person who had a parent kids [ __ ] my02:19:22
dad got [ __ ] when I was nine years old02:19:26
only two people on this stage know how02:19:29
that feels02:19:30
stop with that already Shh I want to02:19:32
hear this my father will be avenged even02:19:34
if it means everyone else has to die02:19:36
Mitch Mitch its Elephant Man what the02:19:40
hell are you doing here I've been here02:19:41
on an onsen it's not your fault Mitch02:19:43
it's NASA what are you talking about it02:19:46
was me Mitch I'm the one who [ __ ] your02:19:49
dad what you [ __ ] my dad man Wow I did02:19:55
it for us son I wanted a future for you02:19:57
how these years hunting for the person02:19:59
that [ __ ] my dad and it was my own02:20:00
mother02:20:01
Mitch try and stay calm [ __ ] you kid you02:20:03
may be really cute but even you can't02:20:05
fix this did he look at you man huh02:20:07
did he look you in the eye when he snuck02:20:09
up and such a long time ago not to Nick02:20:12
fish every season it hurts02:20:15
please tell me you're not buying into02:20:16
this I'm gonna kill you for what you did02:20:21
[Music]02:20:27
well thank God that guy isn't gonna be02:20:30
mayor come on everybody let's go get02:20:33
cleaned rugs and alcohol from the next02:20:34
town over02:20:39
[Music]02:22:15
[Music]02:22:19
you're the tickle bunny no you're the02:22:23
tickle bunny02:22:24
oh and I'll playing with your friends02:22:26
honey this is a great town isn't it I02:22:28
love it here I'm so glad that all those02:22:31
years ago we came clean about our02:22:32
child's past I feel like I don't know02:22:35
like our lives are different now somehow02:22:38
I love you and I love you02:22:41
[Music]02:22:47
in fact Kido would you excuse us for a02:22:50
moment mommy and daddy have a little business02:22:52
to take care of upstairs02:22:54
oh you've little sneak did you really02:23:11
think you could stop bad things from02:23:13
happening don't you see the chaos oh02:23:18
these catches up with you he's try being02:23:22
a hero whatever selfie there's only one02:23:28
truth in this night market no matter how02:23:31
hard you try to change the past your dad02:23:39
[Laughter]02:23:50
[Music]02:24:05
[Music]02:24:15
[Music]02:24:48
[Music]02:25:53
[Music]02:26:13
[Music]02:27:29
[Music]02:27:43
[Music]02:27:54
[Music]02:28:26
[Music]02:29:32
[Music]Description:
This movie contains all cutscenes of South Park: The Fractured but Whole for PS4, Xbox One and PC in 1080p & 60fps. I hope you'll enjoy it, rate, comment and subscribe for more, it really helps my channel!:) All Cutscenes/Full Game of South Park: The Fractured but Whole for PS4, Xbox One and PC in HD
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