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00:00:00

the jurgen experience i'm gonna

00:00:03

train hop i'm gonna hitchhike um

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vice gaming like one of the first vice

00:00:08

shows was thumbs up

00:00:10

i i uh gavin mcginnis uh

00:00:13

shane smith those guys i used to i've

00:00:15

been writing and drawing that's how i

00:00:16

found out about you

00:00:17

really yeah i found out about you from

00:00:20

well from two places one from bourdain

00:00:22

but two from a video that i watch of you

00:00:24

going to the congo

00:00:25

looking for a dinosaur that was the

00:00:28

first thing i ever saw of you i think

00:00:30

that's like then i talked to bourdain

00:00:33

about you and he was like you got to talk to this

00:00:35

guy you got to meet him

00:00:37

and when i saw your show i was like look

00:00:39

at this dude this is crazy he's looking

00:00:41

for a [ __ ] brontosaurus in the middle

00:00:43

of the congo

00:00:44

in 1994 i was living in israel in a farm

00:00:48

called ramat hakovesh and it was a

00:00:50

kibbutz

00:00:51

and to live on the kibbutz you have to

00:00:52

work and i was

00:00:54

the illegal immigrant there so i'm

00:00:57

trying i have no money

00:00:58

so i'm making enough working on the farm

00:01:00

just to live on the farm

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and at this point i'm 18 years old i've

00:01:05

been hitchhiking since i was 15

00:01:07

and i've seen the whole world i've

00:01:08

hitchhiked through europe i've

00:01:09

hitchhiked through

00:01:10

the u.s back and forth and i'm bored

00:01:14

this is in 19 i'm like what you go to

00:01:17

the eiffel tower

00:01:18

you take that same like right where

00:01:21

what haven't we done yet we've been it's

00:01:23

all mapped out

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we've been to everywhere we've seen

00:01:26

everything we've done everything

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i'm i have a heart of a of an explorer i

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want to find new things you know

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and so i'm living on this kibbutz most

00:01:34

of the other people that are from

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australia and south africa

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and what i love about them is they're so

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racist that they don't even know they're

00:01:41

racist

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like i'm the only asian guy there and

00:01:43

they're like nintendo sega genesis like

00:01:46

they i'm like i got a name and they're

00:01:47

like no your name's nintendo i'm like okay

00:01:50

and so i'm working illegally in a casino

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illegally at a wedding catering place

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and then working on this farm so i have

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three jobs i'm making like

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you know under the table and there's a

00:02:03

a library on the farm of books that have

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been left behind

00:02:06

by past travelers and of course there's

00:02:09

a old

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from the 70s or 80s a national

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geographic catalog

00:02:14

and i start reading about mokele membe i

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don't know if that's how you say it but

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it's

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scientists national geographic people

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have spotted this [ __ ]

00:02:24

brontosaur-like thing

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in the congo and the and it's still

00:02:28

there and the congo is still

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it's the heart of darkness and i gotta

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[ __ ] find this thing

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i gotta go there like i i was i was how

00:02:37

old were you at the time i was 18.

00:02:38

you decided you were going to go there i

00:02:40

was like i have to go there how old were

00:02:41

you when you went

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18 years old no no and then vice i'll

00:02:45

i'll bring it back to how that turned

00:02:47

into vice but so i

00:02:50

i get on a plane tons of lying and

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manipulating to get the visa because it

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wasn't open to tourism it was only open

00:02:56

for to business

00:02:57

and so i i make up the story that i'm a

00:02:59

i'm a bodyguard to a toothpaste

00:03:02

executive and i work day and night to

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get a ticket to the congo

00:03:07

and there's no tickets it's this airline

00:03:08

aeroflot and i'm in

00:03:10

israel which is close to africa but

00:03:12

because it's this russian airline

00:03:14

i get on this flight it goes to moscow

00:03:16

and then

00:03:17

malta and then like six other african

00:03:19

countries and then it lands in

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brazzaville how long like three days

00:03:24

almost like like and like a shaky airplane you know

00:03:27

and and

00:03:28

you know everyone in there is the ones

00:03:30

that got to get out

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right so when they're coming back

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they're bringing chickens and goats and

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all kinds of [ __ ] on the plane and wow it smells like [ __ ]

00:03:37

and

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i don't know this is pre-internet right

00:03:40

i i don't have

00:03:41

any information on the congo except for

00:03:43

i heard that there's a dinosaur there

00:03:44

what year 94

00:03:47

94 95 i i lost track of time but it was

00:03:50

right after high school so 18. so no you

00:03:52

don't have a cell phone either no cell

00:03:54

phone nothing

00:03:56

and the second i get off the plane

00:03:59

it smells horrible because it's just

00:04:01

burning trash everywhere and it's

00:04:02

hot and it's oppressive and

00:04:07

i go what the [ __ ] am i doing here like

00:04:09

why am i here and

00:04:10

everyone there asked me what are you

00:04:11

doing here they don't speak english they

00:04:13

speak

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french i didn't know that they're in the

00:04:16

middle of a civil war

00:04:18

uh i think the two factions were called

00:04:20

the ninjas and the cobras

00:04:21

like little kids shooting at night the

00:04:24

every third bullet is like a tracer

00:04:25

bullet

00:04:26

so it looks like fireworks i go what is

00:04:28

that they're like oh they're just shooting into the air

00:04:31

first breakout of ebola malaria

00:04:35

and people go why did you do that

00:04:39

it's not normal behavior and i go

00:04:43

the la riots happened in 1992. i watched

00:04:48

normal civilization normal civilized

00:04:52

manners you know this is how people are

00:04:55

you go to a store

00:04:56

i saw that crumble overnight in one

00:04:59

night it went from

00:05:00

[ __ ] you everything let's burn down

00:05:02

let's rob

00:05:03

pillage steal everything i go oh it

00:05:05

could happen that fast

00:05:07

and once again that same kind of oh i

00:05:09

think i'm accepted in this

00:05:10

country i think people like me for me

00:05:13

and it's like no we don't want you get

00:05:15

the [ __ ] go back to where you come from

00:05:17

so i think you know and i could go on

00:05:20

and on about all the traumas i've

00:05:22

experienced in my life but i

00:05:23

heard people hurt people i was in a lot

00:05:25

of pain i was like i i didn't like

00:05:27

korean people

00:05:28

i didn't like myself i didn't like i'd

00:05:31

experienced a lot of

00:05:32

a lot of abuse from black people and i

00:05:35

just wanted to

00:05:36

i didn't know anything there was no

00:05:37

internet i didn't like i i

00:05:39

felt like an alien i'm like i don't

00:05:41

belong anywhere

00:05:43

i just so i would go

00:05:47

everyone goes don't go to bosnia don't

00:05:49

go to the congo don't go to the gaza

00:05:51

strip and i'm gonna i'm

00:05:52

gonna go every [ __ ] place my life has

00:05:54

been very reactionary

00:05:56

right my life has been like you don't

00:05:58

tell me what to do

00:05:59

you don't tell me how to podcast i'm

00:06:00

gonna stick a butt plug in my you know

00:06:02

right i'm gonna do

00:06:03

what you know so i'm in the congo

00:06:08

and it's in a full-blown war

00:06:12

there's people being um uh we and

00:06:15

everyone's like

00:06:16

who are you who is this blonde asian

00:06:19

here like i had my hair dyed done too and

00:06:22

they and so i could go and tell a million

00:06:25

stories about the congo but at some

00:06:27

point why you were looking for this

00:06:29

brontosaurus for real or you just wanted

00:06:31

to go to the congress one as well what i i know the kids like to

00:06:35

say 100

00:06:37

i've heard you say it too yeah why not

00:06:39

99 just to leave one percent

00:06:41

99 i was there for the dinosaur like

00:06:45

like i was so young and dumb and stupid

00:06:48

and ignorant where

00:06:50

i truly truly thought i was going to

00:06:53

find it

00:06:54

like i i didn't know enough about like

00:06:58

the everything made sense to me because

00:07:02

anyone listening to this right now we're

00:07:04

talking about a story from 20 years ago

00:07:06

right right

00:07:07

i was a stupid kid i believed in santa

00:07:10

claus very late

00:07:12

you know like i i was a bed wetter i'm

00:07:14

[ __ ] up man

00:07:16

so when i finally did get to the jungle

00:07:19

i got out of brazzaville i got up and i

00:07:21

got to um this jungle area called hueso

00:07:26

then i believed because the spiders are

00:07:29

this big and the frogs are this big and

00:07:32

how big are the frogs just everything is

00:07:34

looks insane

00:07:35

the snakes they got snakes out here this

00:07:37

big like it was like okay now i believe

00:07:39

like every year scientists were finding

00:07:42

a new species of something that they

00:07:43

thought was gone

00:07:44

and i'm like okay the and and it's

00:07:47

and then and then i and then i meet the

00:07:49

pygmies whoa

00:07:50

and and that was ah [ __ ] i don't know

00:07:54

what version of the story i should tell

00:07:55

because it gets so dark

00:07:59

i met a german guy named [ __ ] i

00:08:01

shouldn't say his name

00:08:02

i met a german guy there who was the

00:08:04

same age as me

00:08:06

and he could this is in the city and

00:08:08

then he could tell that i was lost

00:08:10

i didn't know who this guy was he was

00:08:12

being groomed to be like the next

00:08:14

big politician in frankfurt or something

00:08:16

right and so

00:08:17

i didn't i didn't get this until later

00:08:19

but he was here as his like

00:08:21

sex vacation to [ __ ] as many black he

00:08:23

liked black women

00:08:24

so he's gonna [ __ ] as many

00:08:30

curb your language dave to have as many

00:08:32

intimate

00:08:33

relations with women as possible is that

00:08:36

better

00:08:37

no the

00:08:43

you're explaining what it was it's not a

00:08:45

bad thing that's that's what he was

00:08:46

doing so i figured out so he sees me as

00:08:48

another bad thing to explain things

00:08:50

accurately you know you could use other

00:08:53

words though yeah but that's

00:08:54

what it is right it is what it is but

00:08:58

i i i can i can come off

00:09:01

i can turn people off when i use that

00:09:02

language i want who are these people

00:09:05

um people that don't like you no no

00:09:08

they're they're people that they want

00:09:09

dave no swear dave

00:09:11

i came here for g rated dave and i want

00:09:14

my money now to be g rated i'm just trying to pg 13

00:09:17

dave

00:09:18

that's what i was signing up for

00:09:20

occasionally the word [ __ ]

00:09:22

pg-13 they have like rules right didn't

00:09:24

like two shits

00:09:25

99 okay so i'm with

00:09:28

you thought that there was a real

00:09:29

dinosaur in there and

00:09:31

when you got there and you saw the big

00:09:33

frogs and the big snakes

00:09:34

i'm like maybe it is yeah maybe it is

00:09:37

and

00:09:38

what happens is we we go to the last

00:09:41

spotting of it

00:09:42

right and then i meet is there any

00:09:45

evidence at all

00:09:46

like everyone i talked to oh yeah yeah

00:09:49

we've seen it

00:09:50

there there's no like no that's crazy

00:09:52

every [ __ ] person i meet is like oh

00:09:54

yeah it's in

00:09:55

in the last so is it one of those things

00:09:58

where realistically there's not a whole lot of

00:10:00

people looking for it anyway

00:10:02

no but there are scientists that go out

00:10:04

there and in the meantime

00:10:06

i've never seen anyone murdered before

00:10:08

until i got here

00:10:09

right i've been through the l.a riots

00:10:11

i've seen things broken and burned down

00:10:12

and

00:10:13

guns pointed but i've never seen anyone

00:10:14

hung i've never seen anyone stoned to

00:10:16

death

00:10:17

and and it's absolute chaos

00:10:20

i'm seeing people murdered i'm scared

00:10:22

for my life i got attacked one time

00:10:25

so i go i need to find now i have to

00:10:27

find this dinosaur

00:10:29

and i also know that there's a chance

00:10:31

that i might never go home again

00:10:33

so i write a letter to my parents they

00:10:35

don't know where i am they think i'm in

00:10:36

israel on this farm

00:10:38

like i didn't tell anybody so i wrote my

00:10:40

parents this long letter of

00:10:42

i love you guys i'm about to embark on a

00:10:46

journey to find a dinosaur

00:10:48

and i sent it at the airport before i

00:10:51

got on the plane to the jungle

00:10:53

i have no money i have only one change

00:10:54

of clothes i have [ __ ] blonde hair

00:10:56

and i i go into the jungle and we get

00:10:59

lost

00:11:00

immediately i'm a [ __ ] city boy what

00:11:02

the hell do i know about the jungle

00:11:04

what do i know about the jungle did you

00:11:07

have any direction

00:11:08

nothing i just i just knew what

00:11:11

you know you know what when i landed in

00:11:14

the jungle there was a guy

00:11:16

that i think i want to say his name is

00:11:18

chris that was a peace corps guy

00:11:20

and he was there to help build welds in

00:11:22

uh this bantu village

00:11:24

and he said the place what you guys are

00:11:26

looking for he's like it's a

00:11:28

you're not gonna find a dime you know he

00:11:29

was like the reasonable one

00:11:31

and i go how do i know if you don't try

00:11:34

you know i still believed i still wanted

00:11:35

to believe

00:11:37

i was willing to risk my life for it

00:11:40

so we get i haven't [ __ ] told this

00:11:42

story in so long so we get to the jungle

00:11:44

and and we start walking there's a minor

00:11:46

trail

00:11:47

and then it disappears it's just gone

00:11:49

and i'm like we're [ __ ]

00:11:50

lost in the jungle we're lost in the

00:11:52

jungle so

00:11:56

i'm with this guy that

00:11:59

the the what we told people he was here

00:12:02

to [ __ ] as many women as possible

00:12:04

but we went with the story of he is the

00:12:06

toothpaste executive and i'm his

00:12:07

bodyguard

00:12:08

that's a fake [ __ ] story right as

00:12:10

we're lost in the jungle

00:12:12

he starts to think that story is real

00:12:14

hey go fetch

00:12:15

me a pineapple i go dude i'm not sure

00:12:18

he's like you're not a real executive bro like i'm

00:12:20

not gonna get and he starts like

00:12:22

telling me like like i'm like hey you

00:12:25

know that was a fake story right like

00:12:26

he's like

00:12:27

and there's no one around

00:12:30

so we get lost for days and he starts

00:12:33

to really be like humiliating towards me

00:12:36

and right on my nerves and we had rations

00:12:41

we went in with some crackers and some

00:12:42

like tuna in a can thing

00:12:44

and i go hey man we're [ __ ] lost i

00:12:46

don't know how to survive we need to

00:12:48

ration this food out i come he ate it

00:12:50

all he ate it all

00:12:54

wow and and and and now

00:12:57

like have you ever been in that kind of

00:13:00

situation where you're like i'm gonna

00:13:02

die here like i'm never gonna like

00:13:03

hope is gone like i'm in a thick thick

00:13:06

congolese jungle like i don't know how

00:13:08

to get out

00:13:09

and we've been lost for days like i

00:13:11

don't know how to survive

00:13:12

i don't [ __ ] know how to like i i

00:13:15

this is it

00:13:16

you know it's insane and on top of it i

00:13:18

have this [ __ ] german [ __ ] who's

00:13:20

like talking down to me

00:13:21

making fun of me and eating my [ __ ]

00:13:23

rations

00:13:24

like i would pump all the [ __ ] water

00:13:26

and put the the water purification

00:13:28

tablets and be like thanks and i'm like

00:13:29

dude what the [ __ ] man like that i did

00:13:31

all that work so we could

00:13:33

share it and so he was just he was a

00:13:36

dick

00:13:37

and so man and you're stuck in this

00:13:39

you've been in a jungle like that before

00:13:41

no dude so we set up a tent we have one

00:13:43

tent and so we're

00:13:44

we're in close quarters with each other

00:13:48

at night the moon is like this [ __ ]

00:13:51

big like it's humongous and you hear the

00:13:54

entire jungle come alive

00:13:56

like [ __ ] monkeys and like things are

00:13:58

bumping into the tent at night like huge

00:14:00

insects and like and i'm like i'm i'm

00:14:03

i'm like i'm gonna die here i'm gonna

00:14:06

die here

00:14:07

so the few times in my life where i've

00:14:10

been in this kind of hopeless situation

00:14:12

the only thing that's gonna get me out

00:14:14

of it is if i can control my mind

00:14:17

because if i because i'm fall i'm i'm

00:14:19

like falling into despair

00:14:20

and in the daytime i'm doing stand up to

00:14:22

the trees

00:14:24

because we're just walking in like

00:14:25

circles and i'm like hey how you guys

00:14:26

doing all tonight you know so you don't

00:14:28

know where you are i don't know where i

00:14:29

am

00:14:30

i'm talking to the vegetation oh my god

00:14:32

and this guy is riding my last nerve

00:14:35

and he's and so i could safely say

00:14:38

i lost my mind and so

00:14:41

we're down to our last food and he and

00:14:44

he did it again

00:14:46

and i said bro what the [ __ ] did i tell

00:14:48

you we got to make this last

00:14:50

i'm starving you ate the rations that

00:14:52

were supposed that was it

00:14:54

and he's like whatever and he's he has a

00:14:56

more like

00:14:57

dissociated like checked out like like

00:14:59

we'll get out of here somehow

00:15:02

and part of i don't know his coping

00:15:04

thing was to like talk down to me or

00:15:05

whatever

00:15:06

and so that night and we're we're lost

00:15:09

at this point

00:15:10

a week and a half maybe we haven't you

00:15:12

know i'm [ __ ] 90 pounds i've lost all

00:15:14

this weight

00:15:16

i'm gonna kill this guy i'm gonna murder

00:15:18

him i'm gonna [ __ ] murder him because

00:15:21

i don't like people talking [ __ ] to me

00:15:23

like that i don't like i've been a

00:15:24

punching bag for this guy for

00:15:26

for weeks now and i'm just gonna [ __ ]

00:15:28

kill him

00:15:29

and if i have to eat him to survive i

00:15:31

guess i'll do that

00:15:33

and so he's out cold he's got [ __ ]

00:15:35

crumbs on his face tuna [ __ ] juice

00:15:36

from the food that was supposed to be

00:15:38

shared

00:15:40

and i pick up i go outside the tent and

00:15:42

i pick up i pick up a huge rock like

00:15:44

bigger than this and i go i'm gonna

00:15:47

[ __ ] kill this guy

00:15:49

i i have officially lost my mind

00:15:52

like i can't i'm barely going to survive

00:15:55

i can't do it here with this guy

00:15:58

so he's [ __ ] looking at his face and

00:16:01

i pick up the rock

00:16:02

and i go just like i don't even have to

00:16:06

apply any pressure if i just drop it

00:16:07

he's done

00:16:08

like he'll he'll be [ __ ] dead

00:16:12

and i go oh [ __ ] is there anything left

00:16:14

is there any common sense is there any

00:16:16

light left in my uh

00:16:23

i i gotta [ __ ] kill this guy he has

00:16:25

to go

00:16:26

he has he has to he has to die he has to

00:16:29

die

00:16:30

he has to [ __ ] die

00:16:34

and then i just i i didn't do it i'm not

00:16:36

a murderer

00:16:37

i can't like and in the mind

00:16:41

i'll do it i'll do i'll do what murder

00:16:43

dave come to the front

00:16:45

no one's ever gonna know he does his

00:16:48

family doesn't know he's there

00:16:49

your family nobody knows who's who you

00:16:51

are

00:16:52

this guy chris the peace corps guy he's

00:16:54

not gonna [ __ ] say anything

00:16:56

you can kill him right now he has a ton

00:16:59

of cash that he hasn't been sharing with

00:17:00

you

00:17:01

you can get out of here you can [ __ ]

00:17:04

get some of your pride and your ego back

00:17:06

those [ __ ] guys treating you like a

00:17:08

[ __ ] like like a chinese waiter or

00:17:10

something

00:17:11

do it no one will ever know

00:17:14

no one will ever [ __ ] find out you

00:17:17

were like you're probably going to die

00:17:18

too

00:17:20

you want to die like [ __ ] catering to

00:17:22

this guy just do it

00:17:24

and i'm sitting no i don't i don't want

00:17:26

to i don't i'm not a murderer and

00:17:28

i didn't kill him i woke up the next day

00:17:31

and i'm just looking at him like

00:17:32

[ __ ] you don't even know

00:17:34

you don't even know what almost happened

00:17:35

last night we're walking around

00:17:39

hey what's that there's a [ __ ] pygmy

00:17:42

up one of those 200 100 foot trees

00:17:46

he's just sitting there chilling and i

00:17:48

go what is that is that a person

00:17:50

waves at us 200 feet above you

00:17:53

huge tree like just i don't know that's

00:17:55

so high it's so high

00:17:57

it was so high how did you spot him

00:18:00

he was he was like he was shaking a

00:18:02

little wow

00:18:05

from the place he was to get in front of

00:18:07

us was

00:18:08

seconds like hi it's like this short

00:18:12

was this jungle i mean when you when

00:18:14

you're in there do you even see

00:18:16

sunlight through it or is it just no

00:18:18

it's so dense i mean like yeah there's

00:18:20

some cracks but it's

00:18:21

this was also in the national geographic

00:18:23

why that the dinosaur would be here

00:18:25

is because cameras can't see it because

00:18:27

it's such a dense thick

00:18:29

forest and there's things in there that

00:18:31

are like moving and you know

00:18:32

dude your description sounds terrifying

00:18:34

it's terrible trying to sleep in the

00:18:36

tent oh my god god dude i'm freaking out over

00:18:39

here um so so the the um the guy comes up

00:18:43

he's this short

00:18:44

he's like tiny he's like you guys want

00:18:47

some honey

00:18:48

what oh my god and um this is this is

00:18:52

where

00:18:53

my skill as an artist has gotten me out

00:18:56

of so many situations

00:18:58

right because if you're if you're in

00:18:59

jail and you have any kind of skills

00:19:01

singing dancing telling jokes drawing

00:19:03

you're a celebrity

00:19:04

so this guy doesn't speak english we

00:19:06

don't speak whatever language he speaks

00:19:08

so i start drawing stuff like food like

00:19:10

you know

00:19:11

in the dirt and he's like oh yeah i got

00:19:12

you and he

00:19:14

and he and he goes and um he brings us

00:19:17

some meat that's all charred and i'm

00:19:18

like

00:19:19

i don't know what that is you know and

00:19:22

and i took one bite and it tastes

00:19:24

horrible and i'm like i'm gonna starve

00:19:26

to death but

00:19:27

i can't eat that wow and so it was like

00:19:30

a movie he's like come on come on we're

00:19:32

walking and you know it's us like stumbling

00:19:34

machete trying to

00:19:36

he's just like like we get around a

00:19:39

corner

00:19:40

entire village of pygmies they've never

00:19:43

[ __ ] seen an asian person before

00:19:45

i'm c-3po and they're the ewoks from

00:19:48

blonde they're coming they're touching

00:19:50

my face they're like

00:19:52

yeah look it looks like he's like i

00:19:54

don't know what the [ __ ] they're saying

00:19:55

like um the kid keeps

00:19:59

doing this thing like uh i go what are

00:20:01

you saying

00:20:03

there was one older older guy in the

00:20:05

village that i guess spoke a tiny bit of

00:20:08

french so my the german guy can

00:20:10

translate he's like they're saying you

00:20:12

come from the stars

00:20:14

you're coming from the stars and i'm

00:20:16

like oh my god that's heavy

00:20:18

so i'm like so i'm like we're saved they

00:20:20

bring us some honey they bring us some

00:20:22

fruit and i'm like oh god i'm like just

00:20:23

devouring it they're laughing at us

00:20:25

and you know it's like the national

00:20:28

geographic the women's tits are like

00:20:29

down to their ankles and um this [ __ ]

00:20:34

guy

00:20:35

he's an alien he's an alien i told you

00:20:38

1995 i was uh yeah i was 19 years old

00:20:41

yeah 19 years old yeah and and they put

00:20:45

that um they put their clothes on for the

00:20:47

picture they were all naked

00:20:48

when i got in there wow um

00:20:52

look at my tivos that's amazing

00:20:55

that picture is amazing so i um now had

00:20:58

any of these people seen it did you ever

00:21:01

describe it to them oh yeah so i draw

00:21:03

the dinosaur i go

00:21:04

here's the dinosaur and what were they

00:21:07

saying they go oh yeah yeah there's never like

00:21:09

no it's always like okay there's the

00:21:11

dinosaur

00:21:13

and uh they go let's go and i go

00:21:17

they go it's it's through wetlands like

00:21:19

this there's going to be leeches

00:21:22

like uh there's a disease called

00:21:24

bilharzia

00:21:25

where uh there's like uh snails under

00:21:28

like

00:21:29

still moving waters and the second a

00:21:31

mammal steps in the water

00:21:32

little [ __ ] parasites shoot off the

00:21:35

snail like uh like heat seeking missiles

00:21:37

and they go in your dick hole and then you piss and

00:21:39

[ __ ] blood till you die and i'm like

00:21:42

okay i'm done like i tap out

00:21:45

like so they're explaining like all the

00:21:50

the trek and the way to go find this

00:21:52

dinosaur

00:21:53

and i'm like and i went i went up until

00:21:56

the leeches

00:21:57

and then when i came out with the

00:21:58

leeches i go all right i like this

00:22:00

this is it you know i go can you help us

00:22:03

get out of the jungle

00:22:04

and they're like it took less than a day

00:22:07

that's how close we were to like

00:22:08

really yeah we were probably [ __ ]

00:22:10

walking in circles

00:22:12

so we get out in less than a day i get i

00:22:15

get back home

00:22:16

i'm 19 years old i start writing for uh

00:22:19

for vice i start drawing pictures for

00:22:21

them i do comics i'm writing

00:22:23

and uh oh no i was writing for a

00:22:25

magazine called giant robot

00:22:26

and uh gavin and shane would read that

00:22:29

magazine and they're like

00:22:31

they were ahead of the curve right like

00:22:32

when all print magazine right

00:22:34

existed they were like

00:22:38

we need to go to digital like like

00:22:41

they were you know vice has always been

00:22:43

free

00:22:44

everyone feeds it they go to those

00:22:45

magazine shops or wherever and then

00:22:47

yeah and they're like we need to have

00:22:49

online presence the internet was brand

00:22:51

new

00:22:52

and they said dave that is the [ __ ]

00:22:55

and i told you

00:22:56

not the pg-13 but that story gets very

00:22:59

dark darker than

00:23:01

what i said they go will you go back

00:23:04

with a camera and a camera crew and i

00:23:07

said

00:23:08

that was one of the most traumatic i

00:23:11

almost died i saw people murdered there

00:23:13

was a [ __ ] virus where people were

00:23:14

bleeding out of their eyeballs

00:23:15

[Music]

00:23:17

no okay i'll go enough time had passed

00:23:20

it was

00:23:21

10 years later actually it wasn't it was

00:23:23

that was uh

00:23:24

95 and then it was like eight or ten

00:23:27

years later

00:23:29

and um so that was the one that vice

00:23:31

filmed they're like can you go about

00:23:32

that photo for the mickey mouse shirt

00:23:34

that was earlier that was from when i

00:23:35

went with the film like just my camera

00:23:38

so i go back and um how did we even get

00:23:41

to this

00:23:42

the dinosaur the tightness

00:23:45

they all see this same dinosaur have you

00:23:47

have [ __ ] look at that

00:23:49

there it is dude you're [ __ ] on fire

00:23:52

jamie holy [ __ ] yeah that one number three

00:23:55

number three is

00:23:56

bonkers what is that unless it's a log

00:23:59

it could be a log

00:24:00

so i on my on my second trip back i met

00:24:03

the doctor there was a doctor that lived

00:24:05

in the village close to that river

00:24:07

look at the track and he said he'd seen

00:24:09

it really

00:24:10

and he's like not uh you know

00:24:13

i wonder if any like real legitimate

00:24:16

biologists have looked at those

00:24:18

tracks maybe they could tell you by the

00:24:20

way the footprint

00:24:21

like they can kind of tell whether

00:24:23

things are fake or real or not

00:24:24

based on like how where the weight is

00:24:27

distributed like

00:24:28

someone who really understands some how

00:24:29

these animals would walk

00:24:32

i think it would be really hard to fake

00:24:33

dinosaur footprints right

00:24:35

because the weight it would have to have

00:24:37

like it there the

00:24:39

description i just read in this said it

00:24:40

wasn't that big

00:24:42

i shouldn't say it's not big but it's

00:24:43

like 30 feet 35 feet it's pretty big

00:24:46

it's like a big big giant elephant think

00:24:47

about how big those [ __ ] alligators

00:24:49

were that we were just talking about

00:24:50

yeah so it might be a turtle they were

00:24:52

seeing that's why i don't know if what

00:24:54

they actually found a turtle through here their dicks were

00:24:57

so big

00:24:58

like when we went to the river to bathe

00:25:00

they were like okay they just take their

00:25:01

clothes off and i'm like

00:25:03

oh i'm gonna keep my clothes on and

00:25:06

i go they go what i go dude i have like

00:25:08

a normal

00:25:09

penis for like i'm proportioned

00:25:11

correctly like your [ __ ] is down to your

00:25:13

knees

00:25:14

and this was back in the city when i got

00:25:16

back to brassieville and they're like

00:25:18

bro you know why our dicks are so big

00:25:20

i'm like why and

00:25:21

there's all these naked kids running

00:25:23

around it's like because we never wear

00:25:24

underwear and i'm like what like see the girl

00:25:26

whose tits are down to their

00:25:28

stomach never wear bra it's gravity bro

00:25:30

everything just droops

00:25:31

like that's why your dicks are so big

00:25:33

i'm still gonna leave my underwear on

00:25:34

like this

00:25:35

takes too much time wait you've never

00:25:37

you've never been to africa no

00:25:38

never been after dude i'm begging you

00:25:42

i i know you're into the hunting and the

00:25:43

bow hunting please like

00:25:46

so when i texted you like does it have

00:25:48

to do with anything africa man

00:25:50

hunting in africa you mean so

00:25:54

when i texted you the other day i saw

00:25:55

that the last time i texted you was 2018

00:25:57

i was like dude i'm going to africa i'll

00:25:59

see you when i get back

00:26:00

that's right yeah and um okay this is

00:26:03

the this is the yes yeah you're telling me

00:26:05

this please very heavy

00:26:07

so there's uh there's hunter-gatherer

00:26:11

tribes in like the arctic

00:26:12

papua new guinea the amazon africa

00:26:16

but very few like they're almost gone

00:26:18

there's very very few people that live

00:26:19

off the land

00:26:21

and i i just

00:26:24

whenever the podcast went off the air

00:26:26

and i and i and i ghosted i

00:26:28

i just lost my mind i hit my rock bottom

00:26:31

and

00:26:32

very similar pattern of what i always do

00:26:34

when things get rough is i just go to

00:26:36

africa i go it's a weird thing to be

00:26:41

like rich or be in a country that's rich

00:26:45

or have stuff

00:26:46

and some as an adult someone has to

00:26:48

teach you gratitude

00:26:49

like i hear you say it all the time i'm

00:26:50

thankful i'm thankful i'm i'm grateful i

00:26:52

go

00:26:53

but i'm not i have everything and yet i

00:26:55

[ __ ] complain like crazy

00:26:57

i'm like i need to go i need to get the

00:26:58

[ __ ] out here i need to go someplace

00:27:00

where

00:27:01

where i can i can learn humility i can

00:27:03

learn to be grateful

00:27:05

so i get to i'm traumatized now by the

00:27:08

congo i didn't even go into my second

00:27:09

congo story when i went with vice that

00:27:11

was even crazier with the [ __ ]

00:27:12

chief try to kill us but um so congo is

00:27:17

the heart of darkness i get why those

00:27:19

books are written

00:27:20

i get why people have these mind losing

00:27:23

experiences out there

00:27:24

because it is one of the [ __ ] darkest

00:27:26

countries i've ever been

00:27:27

so i don't want to go somewhere

00:27:28

different this time do you know the

00:27:30

european settlers

00:27:31

they tried to live in the congo for a

00:27:33

while i met one did you see the houses

00:27:36

that they left behind

00:27:37

dude when i got to this bantu village

00:27:40

and uh chuck his name was chuck chuck if

00:27:42

you're listening i know it's 20 years

00:27:43

ago

00:27:44

long blonde hair from oregon peace corps

00:27:46

guy

00:27:47

he got uh malaria while we were there

00:27:50

and he goes

00:27:51

please contact francois and i go who the

00:27:55

[ __ ] is francois

00:27:56

and he goes he's he's in the jungle and

00:27:58

this is this isn't in the congo village

00:28:00

it's the bantu village

00:28:01

and he goes you go down this tree and

00:28:03

you go so it's he's deep in the

00:28:04

in the but this is still near a village

00:28:06

it's not you know

00:28:08

so we go into the in the jungle and

00:28:11

there's like a

00:28:12

giant victorian french

00:28:15

like european house in the middle of the

00:28:17

[ __ ] jungle

00:28:18

and i'm like how did this happen and

00:28:20

he's like so we go in there

00:28:22

and uh francois is just like

00:28:25

like a some [ __ ] weird french dude

00:28:28

that just said i'm gonna stay here he had like 12

00:28:31

bantu wives there's all these like half

00:28:33

black half white babies crawling around

00:28:35

and he has a ham radio and he's like

00:28:38

what's going on i'm like chuck

00:28:39

is [ __ ] dying can he said to come

00:28:42

contact you he's like okay i'll contact

00:28:44

the aircraft carrier and they'll send a

00:28:46

chopper in for him

00:28:47

i was like oh [ __ ] but yeah that's

00:28:50

that's the one time i saw a french

00:28:52

victorian i don't even know how to

00:28:53

describe the architecture it was like a

00:28:55

beautiful french home

00:28:56

in the middle of the [ __ ] congo

00:28:58

jungle yeah

00:28:59

there was a website dedicated to uh

00:29:02

those people

00:29:03

that tried to do that and it just

00:29:05

detailed how it all went

00:29:06

terrible for them the jungle just over

00:29:09

came the house

00:29:10

like you can't keep the jungle back it's

00:29:12

too powerful there's too much there

00:29:13

the jungle everything grows so quickly

00:29:16

it's just [ __ ]

00:29:17

i mean you'd have grass popping out

00:29:19

through the middle of your floorboards

00:29:21

and [ __ ] and

00:29:22

trees trying to grow through the side of

00:29:23

your sewage system

00:29:25

like they're just it's just too much

00:29:28

it's wild when my life when you just

00:29:30

said too much like

00:29:32

i just thought right now every time in

00:29:34

my my i hit a rock bottom and my life

00:29:36

gets too much

00:29:37

i go back to africa so when someone says

00:29:40

go back to where you come from maybe

00:29:41

it's africa well we all do right we all do

00:29:54

you

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