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0:00

Интро

0:07

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, Я ДЕД МОРОЗ

5:12

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, Я ТАКСИСТ

8:46

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ЖИВУ БЕЗ ОТОПЛЕНИЯ

12:07

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ВСЕГДА ГОВОРЮ ДА

15:05

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, Я ТЕЛЕВЕДУЩИЙ

19:27

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ПОДОЗРИТЕЛЬНЫЙ ПОДАРОК

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, Я АВТОМЕХАНИК

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, Я АВТОМЕХАНИК

Channel: OneTwo

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ЗУБНАЯ ФЕЯ

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ЗУБНАЯ ФЕЯ

Channel: OneTwo

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ОТКРЫЛ ДОМА МАКДОНАЛДС

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ОТКРЫЛ ДОМА МАКДОНАЛДС

Channel: OneTwo

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, Я ПОПИЛ ВОДЫ

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, Я ПОПИЛ ВОДЫ

Channel: OneTwo

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, СТРАШНЫЕ ИСТОРИИ – СБОРНИК OneTwo №2

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, СТРАШНЫЕ ИСТОРИИ – СБОРНИК OneTwo №2

Channel: OneTwo

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ЖИВУ В МАШИНЕ

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ЖИВУ В МАШИНЕ

Channel: OneTwo

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, СУПЕР СЛУХ (ВСЕ СЕРИИ ПОДРЯД) – СБОРНИК OneTwo

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, СУПЕР СЛУХ (ВСЕ СЕРИИ ПОДРЯД) – СБОРНИК OneTwo

Channel: OneTwo

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ТАЙНОЕ ПИСЬМО

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ТАЙНОЕ ПИСЬМО

Channel: OneTwo

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, МЕНЯ НАКАЗАЛИ

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, МЕНЯ НАКАЗАЛИ

Channel: OneTwo

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ПРОКЛЯТЫЙ ДОМ

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ПРОКЛЯТЫЙ ДОМ

Channel: OneTwo

короче говоря

короче

говоря

onetwo

one two

ванту

ван ту

уанту

уан ту

1 2

один два

ванту короче говоря

короче говоря ван ту

короче ванту

короче говоря onetwo

one two короче говоря

он ту

оне тво

КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ

короче говоря сборник

сборник короче говоря

короче сборник

сборник зима

зимние выпуски

зимние серии

ванту зима

зимние выпуски onetwo

короче говоря зима сборник

сборник зима ванту

дед мороз

живу без отопления

всегда говорю да

таксист

корочеговоря

сборник

зима

00:00:02

[music]

00:00:06

In short, I’m Santa Claus, these were

00:00:10

New Year’s toys, this was a New Year’s

00:00:12

tree, these were also New Year’s trees, I was

00:00:14

holding sticks in my hands and thinking about how else to

00:00:16

create a New Year’s atmosphere. Yes, Christmas

00:00:18

tree-sticks should be worn with a New Year’s sweater,

00:00:20

that’s better. I was very inspired and I

00:00:22

constantly caught the New Year's mood and the

00:00:24

New Year's tree was already reached by the New Year's cat

00:00:26

and only one fact did not

00:00:28

give me peace. Santa Claus never

00:00:30

answered my letter, or rather my 24

00:00:32

letters. Yes, I'm also 24 years old and I

00:00:35

still believe in Santa Claus but but

00:00:36

not Snegurochka I’m not really little,

00:00:38

I just didn’t try

00:00:40

to write to him, I wrote paper letters,

00:00:42

emails, video letters, Well, there

00:00:44

was no answer, I have to find out

00:00:46

why Santa Claus is ignoring me, maybe I

00:00:48

indicated the wrong address or

00:00:50

formatted the letter incorrectly Yes, that’s all for now Well,

00:00:52

maybe something happened to Santa Claus

00:00:54

He just can’t answer all

00:00:55

the letters, it turns out that everyone who is waiting for a

00:00:57

New Year’s miracle may be left without

00:00:59

gifts. This can’t be

00:01:05

done. Maybe it’s worth going to Grandfather in Veliky Ustyug, it’s too far to ask the Snow Maiden to help. Well, it no longer exists. Or maybe I need to replace

00:01:07

Santa Claus and fulfill the

00:01:09

New Year's wish of millions of people myself. There are

00:01:11

12 hours left before the New Year, it seems

00:01:12

I won't have time to congratulate everyone then at least I'll

00:01:15

congratulate my friends I need a

00:01:16

Santa Claus costume A bag of gifts and a Russian

00:01:18

Troika of horses for movement Well,

00:01:20

construction and the easiest way is for I have a

00:01:22

suit out of my closet, are you wondering

00:01:24

where I got it from when I was little

00:01:25

Santa Claus came to congratulate me, he

00:01:27

accidentally stained his suit with jellied meat and

00:01:29

asked me to wash it with us In the end, I

00:01:31

completely forgot about it. It’s strange that Grandfather Frost

00:01:33

loves jellied meat just like my dad. Well, at least

00:01:35

the suit is still there now it’s time to buy

00:01:37

gifts an hour later I returned with a bag of

00:01:39

gifts More precisely, with a garbage bag there was

00:01:41

n’t enough money for the bag now I’m finally

00:01:43

ready to give people joy I

00:01:45

had 6 hours left went to the first

00:01:47

place I stood at the door for a minute sat for five

00:01:49

minutes laying down for 10 minutes decided not to wait any longer

00:01:51

until they call me, as it happens

00:01:53

at children's matinees,

00:01:54

my friend Sanya called the apartment and opened the door, he

00:01:56

peered into my face for a long time, I was left

00:01:58

doubting that anyone could even

00:01:59

believe That's what I'm Santa Claus, you're definitely

00:02:01

real, of course

00:02:05

And I brought you gifts for the Christmas tree

00:02:08

great By the way, about the Christmas tree, I have a

00:02:11

broken garland there, if you're real,

00:02:13

you can light it Well, like, One two three,

00:02:15

the Christmas tree burns, damn it, I didn't expect this, I

00:02:17

went into the apartment and started fixing

00:02:19

the garland, how can I miss my

00:02:21

favorite screwdriver, which I lost in

00:02:23

half an hour, everything was ready, my friend I was very

00:02:25

happy, it seems now he really

00:02:27

believed that I was a real wizard

00:02:33

and yes, thank you

00:02:35

I gave him the gift and left an hour later I

00:02:38

was already visiting the deer, or rather Roma,

00:02:41

he had already read me 15 poems, so I

00:02:43

had to give most of the gifts

00:02:44

to him and it doesn’t matter what it was there was the same

00:02:46

poem, the main thing is that he is trying very hard and

00:02:49

believes in the holiday. I interrupted him by saying

00:02:50

that the Snow Maiden was already waiting for me. He

00:02:52

asked me not to deceive him. I

00:02:54

tensed up. He said that there is

00:02:55

no Snow Maiden. I laughed and

00:02:57

said that now I will bring her here.

00:02:59

opened the window and asked me to call her,

00:03:01

I said that she was standing outside the door, Roma

00:03:03

looked outside, I immediately jumped out of there,

00:03:05

soon I ended up at the apartment of my

00:03:06

last friend, to my great regret, there

00:03:08

was no one at home, it’s good that I know

00:03:10

how to get inside,

00:03:21

so that’s how it all is

00:03:26

I've been fiddling with the lock for quite some time,

00:03:29

how can I miss my favorite screwdriver

00:03:31

suddenly someone touched me from behind I

00:03:33

turned around It was a police officer

00:03:35

asked what was going on here I replied that

00:03:37

I was Santa Claus and came to give gifts

00:03:38

the policeman said that there was no one in the apartment

00:03:40

I said that that’s the point. It’s a

00:03:42

surprise. I

00:03:44

agree, it doesn’t sound very convincing. I

00:03:47

asked how he found me in the first place. He

00:03:49

said that he saw it on the

00:03:50

CCTV camera. Damn, he asked the

00:03:51

policeman to hold the New Year’s

00:03:53

gift, and as soon as he was distracted, I gave up.

00:03:55

The policeman threw me. The gift rushed under the door.

00:03:57

soon after me I ran home,

00:03:58

it’s good that the policeman lost me

00:04:00

Fortunately, the street is now full of

00:04:02

Santa Clauses I changed my clothes before the

00:04:04

New Year, there was just a little time left. It’s

00:04:06

great that I managed to do everything, my friends were

00:04:08

not left without a gift, but it was sad

00:04:10

that I would meet this holiday one

00:04:12

I mean One I entered the room they were

00:04:15

my friends I was delighted and asked how they

00:04:17

got here Roma said that he has

00:04:19

one life hack

00:04:22

and so this is how it’s all done

00:04:25

I was incredibly glad that everything happened like this

00:04:27

they got a New Year’s gift for me

00:04:29

this there was a brand new screwdriver Yes, I’m the

00:04:32

happiest person in the world, we all

00:04:33

sat down at the table, drank Coke, started singing

00:04:36

New Year’s songs, I was glad that I was

00:04:38

not alone that evening, but with my

00:04:39

real friends, for me it was the

00:04:41

most atmospheric and unforgettable New

00:04:44

Year

00:04:57

[music]

00:05:03

[music ]

00:05:09

In short, I'm Santa Claus In short,

00:05:12

I'm a taxi driver It was Tuesday, I was sitting in

00:05:16

the car waiting for my first order in my life,

00:05:18

but no one wanted to take a taxi driver with a zero

00:05:19

rating, two hours later the

00:05:21

call finally came, a short trip with

00:05:23

luggage I was happy, I started the car,

00:05:24

turned on the radio, started the navigator,

00:05:26

started movie Taxi video about this

00:05:28

now with the operator now with the client

00:05:29

we will get there comfortably I went to the address

00:05:31

to pick up the client but for about 15 minutes I was driving

00:05:33

in circles and not because I couldn’t find

00:05:35

clients but because I couldn’t find the

00:05:36

brake pedal I think I groped the

00:05:38

client stopped and got into the car and

00:05:39

said hello and asked to load the luggage,

00:05:41

this impudence, how dare he eat the

00:05:43

car without shaking his legs? And I

00:05:45

happily loaded the luggage. We went with Veterok.

00:05:47

Because I didn’t know how to close the

00:05:48

rear window. The client asked me to close the

00:05:50

window. I panicked. I stopped, pressed the

00:05:52

lever, launched the wipers, pressed

00:05:54

which one. then the button turned on the emergency light. I

00:05:56

said that something was stuck here. I offered the

00:05:57

client a blanket, he refused, dissatisfied, he

00:05:59

moved to the front seat with me. We

00:06:01

drove on, the navigator said that there were

00:06:03

7 minutes left to go, I decided to cut it short,

00:06:05

I went by the yards, the navigator said that

00:06:06

now the ride would be 27 minutes while we were jumping.

00:06:08

generation So I decided to talk to the

00:06:10

client what

00:06:12

taxi drivers usually talk about about politics or bad roads and

00:06:14

Can I tell him about My main

00:06:15

business Told him the recipe for khinkali he

00:06:17

looked at me like I was an idiot awkwardly

00:06:19

returned from a dog running past

00:06:21

deftly In the meantime I’ll better remain silent to

00:06:22

get 5 stars 20 minutes later we

00:06:25

arrived the client left I went to a new

00:06:26

order a minute later a girl sat down next to me

00:06:28

I immediately said that I wouldn’t

00:06:30

close the window she asked me to at least close

00:06:31

the door Damn I closed We moved on

00:06:33

I got a call It was the previous client who

00:06:35

said that I forgot to get it his luggage

00:06:37

had to be returned, the client was

00:06:38

unhappy, I unloaded the luggage,

00:06:40

some guy ran up and asked me to urgently give

00:06:41

him a ride to the other end of the city, but

00:06:43

I couldn’t, he said that he would pay triple the

00:06:45

price, we were traveling, I was satisfied, the client was

00:06:47

satisfied, the client was unhappy, the client

00:06:49

was hyper-communicative, he talked to

00:06:50

me. with the client myself, I didn’t

00:06:52

mind as long as he didn’t litter in the salon,

00:06:54

for me this is fundamentally important. After

00:06:56

20 minutes of travel, the clients seemed to

00:06:57

be talking, I turned down the volume of the movie

00:06:59

to listen, they talked happily And

00:07:01

made a date tonight, I

00:07:02

took them to a restaurant after I took them home

00:07:04

And the next day I took them to the registry office, they

00:07:06

gave me five stars each. Cool.

00:07:07

But the fact that I had only a client in

00:07:10

two days is bad, while I just went into

00:07:11

the red, I set myself a goal of 10 clients per

00:07:13

day, it was a bust. I only managed to

00:07:15

count the money I was spending. for gasoline And

00:07:17

with clients it was a little tight so far, I

00:07:19

only took two in the last 3 hours, it was

00:07:21

time for lunch, I took out the kettle, brewed a doshik,

00:07:23

got ready to eat, when suddenly the

00:07:25

urgent order didn’t come, damn it poured the doshik, I went to

00:07:27

order, but it was canceled, it’s a shame, the

00:07:30

doshik was filled up again, a girl ran up to me and asked me to

00:07:31

finish it I won’t

00:07:33

pour out my soul to the next area, I put it on the next

00:07:35

seat, I drove very carefully so as not to

00:07:37

spill lunch, the client asked me to hurry up

00:07:38

because she was late, I

00:07:40

sped up a little, it turned out that I started driving

00:07:42

with my hands, my whole lunch ended up on the seat.

00:07:46

deuce because she didn’t

00:07:47

like the music in the salon again I was

00:07:49

sick I ate there were no more seats for clients I

00:07:51

decided to go out and call people

00:07:53

barker 10 minutes 30 minutes an hour apparently

00:07:55

in the middle of the forest it doesn’t work Seryoga came up and

00:07:57

asked to take him to the neighboring

00:07:59

forest on business We sat down Seryoga asked

00:08:01

close the window why it didn’t

00:08:02

please everyone so much I closed the window but it didn’t work in the cabin

00:08:04

Seryoga said that in that

00:08:06

case it would close on its own

00:08:11

so here’s how it works we went I was

00:08:13

worried that Seryoga wouldn’t like something either he

00:08:15

asked how he liked the music how

00:08:17

he liked the movie the temperature was at in the cabin he

00:08:18

prefers communication or silence Seryoga

00:08:20

was silent I understood everything so I continued

00:08:22

to pester him with questions I was slowed down by a

00:08:24

traffic police officer nothing I’m ready for anything they

00:08:26

started checking me asked to open

00:08:27

the trunk open the hood open my mouth

00:08:29

show the first aid kit the officer measured the

00:08:31

wheels checked the condition of the

00:08:33

seat belt everything was perfect of course

00:08:34

for me There’s nothing to be afraid of. I sat down and

00:08:37

finally I was asked to show my

00:08:38

driver’s license.

00:08:43

In short, I’m a taxi driver. In short,

00:08:47

I live without heating. It was a December

00:08:50

evening. The city had long been covered with snow and there

00:08:52

was a terrible frost outside. But at home it was

00:08:54

nice and cozy, I sat in a chair under a

00:08:56

blanket and drank. tea in front of the fireplace in front of the

00:08:58

makeshift fireplace soon I

00:08:59

got tired of pretending to be a happy

00:09:01

person and I got unraveled I

00:09:03

got up early for school tomorrow I got ready for bed

00:09:05

set the alarm for 7 am knocked down the pillow

00:09:07

trimmed my nails This was not part of

00:09:09

getting ready for bed I just needed to

00:09:10

cut my nails went to bed soon

00:09:12

I woke up, something was wrong, I checked

00:09:14

if the alarm clock was set, I fluffed my pillow, I

00:09:16

fell asleep I woke up in the middle of the night, I looked at the clock at

00:09:18

half past one Well, I woke up at the same time, I’ll go get a

00:09:20

drink of water, I leaned out from under

00:09:22

the blanket, it was cold, I slightly increased the

00:09:24

power of the batteries in the room, I drank water in the

00:09:26

kitchen, I went back to bed got up at 3:30,

00:09:29

this time from the terrible cold of overpowering

00:09:30

myself, I leaned out from under the blanket and touched the

00:09:32

battery, it was ice cold, it even

00:09:34

seemed to me that in the dark I missed

00:09:35

a piece of ice, the second battery in the room also did

00:09:37

not work, I turned their power to

00:09:39

maximum and waited responses were

00:09:40

hopeless, after a couple of minutes I wrapped myself in a

00:09:43

robe and went into the next room,

00:09:44

checked the pieces of ice, oh, the radiators in the

00:09:46

rooms were terribly cold, I

00:09:48

ran through all the rooms and set the

00:09:49

battery power to maximum, I was terribly

00:09:51

sleepy, but the radiators seemed to

00:09:53

have become even colder. It seems that I

00:09:55

turned off the heating then now before I go to bed the

00:09:57

remaining 3 hours in the morning I’ll deal with this

00:09:58

problem I collected all the blankets that were

00:10:00

in the house and wrapped myself in them Oddly enough, it

00:10:02

helped I looked like a

00:10:04

cabbage stalk in the leaves in the morning I got up when the

00:10:06

alarm clock rang, it vibrated

00:10:07

twice as loud as usual frozen Poor thing

00:10:09

I sat up on the bed and realized that this was a

00:10:11

total rude heating and they didn’t give me a

00:10:13

blanket, it was as if they were covered with an ice

00:10:15

crust, I still unwrapped myself, which was

00:10:17

tantamount to suicide, I immediately put on a

00:10:19

sweater, another few more sweaters,

00:10:21

a jacket, two hats, gloves, I realized that

00:10:23

I was dressed only from the waist up

00:10:26

after a couple of minutes I was ready to go

00:10:28

outside, despite the abundance of clothes, I was still

00:10:30

slightly cold, I needed to drink

00:10:31

hot tea, I went into the kitchen, the kettle was

00:10:33

broken, I googled how to fix a kettle

00:10:35

for dummies, but in time I realized that I was already

00:10:38

late for school, I went outside, and then it was

00:10:40

warm much warmer than at my house,

00:10:42

so I went back and quickly took off my

00:10:44

extra clothes. To quickly

00:10:45

warm up, I ran out of the house into the street on a

00:10:47

cold December morning, this phrase

00:10:49

sounded extremely crazy, 7 hours passed, I

00:10:51

returned home with the hope that they had already

00:10:52

turned on the heating, I opened the door from the house. I

00:10:54

immediately believed in the cold, as if I had an

00:10:56

entrance to Antarctica at my home,

00:11:11

wrapped in everything warm. I sat down on the sofa

00:11:13

10 minutes later I was covered in frost. After

00:11:15

half an hour I was already trying to tear icicles out of

00:11:17

my nose. I went up to the aquarium, it

00:11:19

was covered with an ice crust. The home

00:11:21

thermometer showed plus 15. Clearly, there was

00:11:23

mercury in it. has long been frozen and from the cold

00:11:25

cannot move from its place, this nightmare

00:11:26

continued for several more days in the evenings,

00:11:28

Amir warmed up by the fire at home,

00:11:30

fed the cat only ice and snow, since the

00:11:31

normal food in the house had run out,

00:11:33

I couldn’t go to the store because

00:11:34

all the doors and windows in the house were frozen solid. in

00:11:36

which they didn’t want to open Well, this is all an

00:11:38

emergency situation, I called the

00:11:40

management company and said that I had been

00:11:42

living without heating for more than a week. They

00:11:43

asked for the address, I gave it there,

00:11:46

they answered that they didn’t even turn off the heating for me

00:11:47

and wished me all the best out of

00:11:49

anger, I wanted to throw the phone against the wall

00:11:50

but it froze to my face so I

00:11:52

just went up to the battery with all my might and

00:11:54

kicked it with my foot. And then I suddenly discovered that the

00:11:56

temperature indicator on the battery was

00:11:58

turned down to the minimum. It turns out that

00:12:00

night in the dark I mixed up and turned

00:12:01

all the levers in the wrong direction.

00:12:04

In short, I live without heating In

00:12:07

short, I always say yes, it was Thursday.

00:12:11

Yesterday I had a day of reading the instructions

00:12:13

for the remote control. Tomorrow will be a day of playing the

00:12:14

balalaika. And today is the day of watching

00:12:16

films with Jim Carrey, I started Dumb and Dumberer. I did

00:12:18

n’t think that today I would

00:12:19

watch an intellectual movie, then

00:12:21

I watched a mask and decided that the film is much

00:12:23

better Well, I’ll finish by watching Always

00:12:24

Say Yes I laughed, cried, went to the

00:12:27

toilet again laughed, I really liked the film

00:12:29

I’m talking about Dumb and Dumber Well,

00:12:31

Always Say Yes is also not bad I

00:12:33

wondered if I could always say to any requests to

00:12:34

everyone Yes, a friend called,

00:12:37

you’ll borrow a mower until Monday Well,

00:12:39

of course not, I gave up, I realized that I

00:12:41

couldn’t, I decided to bet myself a

00:12:43

mower that during the day I would only

00:12:44

tell everyone Yes, there was a knock on the door. It

00:12:46

was a neighbor. Listen, do you mind if I

00:12:48

smash it through the wall between us so that

00:12:50

the house will be brighter? Yes, he damn it left. So

00:12:53

he came in at the wrong moment, there was a knock on the door

00:12:55

again, if only it wasn’t the neighbor. It

00:12:57

was Seryoga, he immediately went into the room and

00:12:58

said that his electricity had been cut off

00:13:00

and he urgently needed to charge his phone, I

00:13:02

couldn’t refuse him. Seryoga wanted to have

00:13:04

a snack and asked if I wanted to order

00:13:05

pizza. I said yes, then He offered to

00:13:07

order rolls, I said again, and he also

00:13:10

asked for foie gras with Bechamel sauce. Why

00:13:11

are you talking about everything just yes,

00:13:14

Seryoga’s eyes lit up? I realized that

00:13:16

now he won’t get off my neck. I asked him to get

00:13:18

off after all. Seryoga started I

00:13:20

easily asked to transfer my

00:13:21

apartment to him, I signed it over, but I wasn’t too

00:13:23

upset. After all, I was renting this

00:13:25

apartment so that things wouldn’t go too

00:13:26

far. I suggested we go for a walk, we

00:13:28

went out onto the street. Seryoga decided to get as deep as possible

00:13:30

over me, he asked me to

00:13:31

go up to any passerby and dance

00:13:33

with him. slow dance I saw the courier,

00:13:35

damn it, I approached him and started to dance,

00:13:38

without thinking twice he agreed for 300 rubles

00:13:39

We danced hard, Seryoga got excited From

00:13:42

the outside it looked as ridiculous as possible, the

00:13:46

courier was also not at a loss and asked to

00:13:49

deliver a couple of orders for him, having finished

00:13:50

Three hours later, I delivered 15 orders to the

00:13:52

courier Seryoga was happy I was happy I

00:13:54

wasn’t happy they weren’t going

00:13:56

to stop I had to do something I decided to

00:13:58

run after me Seryoga ran after

00:14:00

Seryoga the courier saw this picture

00:14:01

the policeman ran after us I had

00:14:03

to stop the policeman asked if I

00:14:05

stole the cherry gum I had no

00:14:06

choice but to answer Yes, Seryoga and the

00:14:08

courier stood next to each other and they freaked out.

00:14:09

The policeman also didn’t lose his head and blamed

00:14:11

me for a couple more thefts. He gave me a summons

00:14:13

to appear at the police station tomorrow and left. I wish

00:14:14

this day would have ended sooner.

00:14:16

The courier asked me to order a taxi for him to

00:14:18

Belgorod. I ordered it. Finally, we were left

00:14:20

alone with Seryoga. asked if he needed

00:14:22

a taxi to Belgorod, he said no, we

00:14:23

went to my house at 11

00:14:25

pm, there was only an hour left Seryoga

00:14:27

asked to pack his things and get out of his

00:14:28

apartment, but first just clean up while the

00:14:30

toilet understood what to always say: Yes,

00:14:32

they are very good ideas and swore off

00:14:34

don't do this kind of [ __ ] anymore Seryoga

00:14:35

asked me to hurry up I suddenly

00:14:37

locked myself in the bathroom shut it up better he

00:14:39

called me on the phone I didn't pick up the phone

00:14:40

He wrote a message I read yes Damn I

00:14:43

had to go out he kicked me out the

00:14:45

door 12 o'clock at night wasn't enough

00:14:47

But there is one idea

00:15:02

In short, I always say yes In

00:15:05

short, I’m a TV presenter It was Thursday

00:15:08

right now I was

00:15:10

talking live about rectangular

00:15:11

bike paths in a straight line yes yes As you

00:15:13

all might have guessed, I bought a new

00:15:15

suit and also became a News presenter

00:15:17

while it was a small regional channel

00:15:18

but very soon I will move to a

00:15:20

higher level, the broadcast came to an end, I

00:15:22

pulled myself into a tightly tied tie, they

00:15:24

brought me a cup of tea during the break between

00:15:26

broadcasts and also put

00:15:27

the text of the next block in front of me, the cameraman and the

00:15:29

director went to lunch, I began

00:15:31

to study the materials, 2 minutes later I learned

00:15:33

them by heart After all, I’m a

00:15:34

highly qualified professional

00:15:35

cameraman and director came back on their own, yes

00:15:37

And from there I tightened my tie Yes, and

00:15:39

I cleared my throat for a minute while they were giving me the

00:15:41

final polish for 30 seconds and then I realized

00:15:43

that I forgot the whole text, I informed

00:15:45

the director about it, He turned and said that the

00:15:46

text would be given to me in reality Well, I don’t like

00:15:49

soufflé three two one Hello, my

00:15:52

name is Timur and Today on our broadcast stop

00:15:54

what Why did the teleprompter show me this

00:15:56

like a zebra grinding down its hooves

00:15:59

our

00:16:01

Special Correspondent from Safari

00:16:02

Elena Safarova will tell you about this special report switch to

00:16:04

correspondent I have a couple of minutes

00:16:05

to find out what happened, the operator

00:16:07

said that he had given me the wrong text by mistake

00:16:09

and right now there was a report on

00:16:10

the production of cheese; the director was a DJ behind

00:16:12

Meryl's heads;

00:16:17

at the operator the

00:16:18

operator yelled at the sound of the operator everyone was

00:16:20

yelling at each other the broadcast after 5 seconds Everyone

00:16:23

suddenly fell silent I gulped down the tea but the drink

00:16:25

went down the wrong throat I coughed the broadcast

00:16:27

started at me directed at Thousands of eyes

00:16:29

need to somehow improvise

00:16:32

this is what patients do in the clinic room

00:16:34

four cities straight from there

00:16:36

our next report on the air began

00:16:38

the report Phew the working day

00:16:40

passed, everyone was happy except the

00:16:42

director. He said that our ratings are

00:16:43

already below the plinth and tomorrow we need to

00:16:45

make the coolest report of all

00:16:46

time. What is he right? The director added

00:16:48

that We will go

00:16:49

conduct a loud report deep into the forest at -20°. Why is

00:16:52

he wrong but there is nothing else to do Our

00:16:54

channel will be closed They handed me the texts and

00:16:56

went home At home I couldn’t

00:16:57

sleep for a long time, I kept thinking about tomorrow’s broadcast I would like to

00:16:59

get it together because millions of eyes will be turned on me

00:17:01

Well, hundreds or dozens, I don’t

00:17:04

know, I never asked how many people

00:17:05

watching our broadcasts at six in the morning I

00:17:07

warmed myself up, put on double pants, double

00:17:09

suit, watched double Fast and the Furious I'm ready to

00:17:11

arrive at the shooting location, the director and

00:17:13

cameraman arrived at the shooting site, we

00:17:14

began to prepare, I repeated the text,

00:17:16

the director repeated that if everything goes

00:17:17

badly, the channel will be closed, the operator did not

00:17:19

repeat anything, he waited for us selected the angle,

00:17:21

configured the equipment, equipped the

00:17:23

settings launch Good afternoon, Roman is with you

00:17:25

and we are in this unique

00:17:27

forest, this is where the infamous goose farms stood 20 years ago,

00:17:30

there are

00:17:33

rumors that near this very pine tree Farmer

00:17:35

Gennady wrote his

00:17:37

world-famous Memoirs And here he is himself Let's

00:17:39

interview him Hello

00:17:41

Vladimir still fresh memories of

00:17:43

the events of a bygone era What chaos

00:17:45

happened in these forests how

00:17:47

two cheerful geese were separated Eugene how did

00:17:49

you feel while carrying out the harsh orders of

00:17:51

that time

00:17:52

Yes thank you Vyacheslav I am sure that not a single

00:17:56

viewer remained indifferent after

00:17:58

your words Fundraising is carried out

00:18:00

by the number on your screens Roman Chastyan

00:18:02

Anatoly Wasserman Arkady Kupnik

00:18:04

Jason Statham broadcast from the forest It came

00:18:08

to the end the director was delighted

00:18:09

I was delighted the operator was all the

00:18:11

same we began to wind down

00:18:13

the equipment equip the winding up

00:18:14

Tomorrow is a day off which means we can talk about

00:18:16

nothing not to worry, I came home and

00:18:18

lay down on the bed, then I received a call from

00:18:20

the director, he yelled the phone with delight,

00:18:22

because the ratings of our TV channel increased

00:18:24

by 20%, And all thanks to the clips of

00:18:26

today’s broadcast on TikTok, I

00:18:28

was upset because I was conducting a serious

00:18:29

report, everyone was laughing at me, and in the end I

00:18:31

turned out to be making everyone around me laugh,

00:18:33

quoting my report, which

00:18:34

literally scattered into memes No, this

00:18:36

categorically did not suit Monday

00:18:38

during the next broadcast. I will definitely

00:18:39

make an appeal to the TV viewer, and now

00:18:41

Monday is a working day, the broadcast of the

00:18:44

neglected news

00:18:52

of the profession turns out to be a laughing stock, their

00:18:55

mind-blowing reports diverge

00:18:57

into memes and the meaning of us is distorted in every possible way

00:19:00

we urge you to boycott this

00:19:02

platform We are for serious news by

00:19:05

the evening this broadcast sold out like hot

00:19:07

cakes Why are hot cakes

00:19:08

flying out like hot cakes anyway, what's the joke since I

00:19:10

became the main clown of Russia I decided to submit my

00:19:12

resignation no longer I no longer work

00:19:14

in the news this profession is clearly not for

00:19:16

me Now I I know what my calling is,

00:19:17

in fact, I became a tiktoker and made

00:19:20

funny parodies of myself,

00:19:23

subscribe to my tiktok In

00:19:25

short, I’m a TV presenter In short, a

00:19:28

suspicious gift Today I fed the

00:19:31

Fisherman cutlets, pasta, cucumbers in a jar,

00:19:34

damn how will they eat from it? I threw the bottle

00:19:36

opener. I went to eat myself. in the hallway

00:19:38

under the tree I found a bunch of gifts, where did

00:19:40

they come from? More precisely, for what reason, maybe there

00:19:42

was some kind of holiday recently?

00:19:44

My birthday is in October, I’m not

00:19:46

spreading germs of joy tomorrow,

00:19:47

for sure, because just recently a New Day has come.

00:19:50

And for me, every new day is

00:19:52

all logical it's time to open the gifts, I'll start

00:19:55

with the smallest one. There was also a Christmas

00:19:57

tree under which there was another gift. I

00:19:59

opened it. There were pliers that were useful, but

00:20:01

you couldn't spread it on bread. I opened the next

00:20:03

gift here. The oil was useful, but the

00:20:05

nail couldn't be pulled out. Well, I'll open the third one;

00:20:07

it's definitely from Roma. So I did I thought

00:20:09

it was the last gift Roma asked

00:20:11

what was there I said that I don’t know yet I

00:20:13

suggested opening it together Roma stopped

00:20:15

me and said that it might turn out to be a

00:20:16

bomb or, even worse, jellied meat I

00:20:19

looked at the box with caution I poked my

00:20:21

finger into it with a stick Roma nothing

00:20:24

happened Well that means I open it Roma

00:20:26

reminded that the sappers only make mistakes

00:20:27

once Yes, for you Oh, you have to be

00:20:29

more careful, I decided to take a closer

00:20:31

look at this mysterious box, I

00:20:33

twirled it in my hands, I listened, I heard

00:20:35

ticking, I brought the box closer Quietly It didn’t

00:20:37

get louder, I asked Roma not to tick, I took

00:20:40

it from the room in the box and it’s really something

00:20:42

Quiet in any case, it’s a clock or an alarm clock

00:20:44

Roma was in vain muddying the waters he agreed

00:20:46

with me it’s time to open the gift I’m acting

00:20:48

like a girl I stopped putting on makeup And

00:20:51

opening the gift was boring I stole it I

00:20:53

protected myself I put a helmet on my head

00:20:55

I put a padded jacket on I ate garlic Well, what

00:20:57

could it be? threat of any nature Roma

00:20:59

reminded me that this would not save me from explosives

00:21:01

I changed my clothes back went to a

00:21:03

safe distance from the house damn I forgot

00:21:05

the box came back again went to a

00:21:07

safe distance not as

00:21:08

safe as before I was just too

00:21:10

lazy I took out a knife Roma reminded me I took out a knife

00:21:13

to cut I carefully cut the packaging an

00:21:15

ordinary box. The situation has

00:21:18

not yet cleared up. We decided to just put

00:21:19

it away and not take risks. We hid

00:21:21

the box in the forest. Roma went home. And I

00:21:23

went to bed, but I only dreamed of peace. I

00:21:26

was still intrigued. I wanted to

00:21:27

find out what was in that box. I

00:21:29

brought it home again. Well.

00:21:31

The gift can’t be dangerous I don’t care, I’ll open it

00:21:33

right now Roma constantly escalated

00:21:35

the situation But now I’m determined I

00:21:38

slowly began to lift the lid of

00:21:39

the box wildly It didn’t get stronger, well, it’s definitely an

00:21:41

alarm clock or an eggplant

00:21:50

[music]

00:21:54

In short, a suspicious gift

00:22:00

[music]

Description:

Сборник зимних выпусков от OneTwo) Оригиналы роликов из сборника: 0:00 Интро 0:07 КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, Я ДЕД МОРОЗ ► https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGw4gZh_xo0 5:12 КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, Я ТАКСИСТ ► https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgV5V8ep8b0 8:46 КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ЖИВУ БЕЗ ОТОПЛЕНИЯ ► https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzpMn9k-TGg 12:07 КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ВСЕГДА ГОВОРЮ ДА ► https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzIxaQd0jFo 15:05 КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, Я ТЕЛЕВЕДУЩИЙ ► https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WOZwhuxsOc 19:27 КОРОЧЕ ГОВОРЯ, ПОДОЗРИТЕЛЬНЫЙ ПОДАРОК ► https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWNlhiNvDWk Наш Telegram-канал ► https://t.me/onetwors Мы ВКонтакте: Серега ► https://vk.com/sega_onetwo Рома ► https://vk.com/romanchastin Паблик OneTwo ► https://vk.com/onetwo_pub Сотрудничество ► [email protected]

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