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  • ruRussian
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00:00:00
Welcome to my channel
00:00:02
Heaven and Hell My Sex and I
00:00:04
Actually, this is purely a
00:00:07
personal experiment because I
00:00:09
never wanted to go on stage, not even on
00:00:11
a virtual one, but for a year and a half
00:00:13
I've always been trying to follow my fear
00:00:15
and that's why I'm sitting here now
00:00:17
and [ __ ] in my pants
00:00:19
it's just about a little
00:00:22
sex life and what conclusions I
00:00:24
draw from it and I tell you about it in the most professional and
00:00:26
professional way because if your friends
00:00:28
who really only want the best for you
00:00:30
tell you yes, no, that's quite good
00:00:33
but maybe then You know, it's
00:00:36
better to keep your hands off it and
00:00:39
the biggest shame isn't having
00:00:41
tomatoes thrown at you, but rather that
00:00:43
you dare to come out from behind the curtain full of fear
00:00:45
and then there's
00:00:47
just your ten favorite people standing there celebrating you,
00:00:49
so that's for me That's a huge
00:00:52
challenge but whatever, let's
00:00:55
have fun.
00:00:57
Then I would like to tell you about a
00:00:59
more serious topic
00:01:02
and I was never aware of
00:01:04
how afraid I was of men and
00:01:06
when it became clearer to me at the beginning of the year
00:01:11
I tried somehow
00:01:13
to create a situation that gives me more
00:01:15
security and then I arranged with a
00:01:18
man that I would
00:01:22
be on for half an hour and then he would be
00:01:23
on for half an hour and then we would
00:01:26
really
00:01:29
pamper each other with announcements
00:01:32
and um
00:01:33
in my half hour Isn't it
00:01:36
so easy this game because
00:01:39
only what is announced is carried out, which
00:01:42
means that if I
00:01:44
say now please stroke my breasts
00:01:49
I have to say it and he is not allowed to
00:01:52
do anything other than
00:01:54
what I asked after I asked, so
00:01:57
that It's a good exercise to
00:01:59
really put the words into your mouth,
00:02:01
to feel out what I like ah no, just
00:02:08
slow down a little bit now, yes now
00:02:10
please
00:02:13
touch harder,
00:02:15
knead whatever
00:02:18
and
00:02:19
my half hour was pleasant, it was
00:02:23
nice, I enjoyed myself So to speak, I dared to
00:02:25
really
00:02:26
ask about things
00:02:29
that I hadn't tried before
00:02:31
and then it was his turn and
00:02:36
he let me give him a [ __ ]
00:02:39
and
00:02:42
the moment I had his [ __ ] in my
00:02:46
mouth he put his hand on the
00:02:49
back of my head pressed on the [ __ ]
00:02:52
and the fact that he had a relatively
00:02:55
large [ __ ] made me
00:02:59
almost puke and, um,
00:03:04
it was crazy at that moment, so it's
00:03:08
like some women like it
00:03:10
when their head is pressed on the [ __ ]
00:03:14
It's not like I'm
00:03:16
ruling it out either, but at that moment I
00:03:19
realized woah no, it was too much for me
00:03:22
and I had a millisecond where
00:03:27
I really had the feeling that I
00:03:31
couldn't defend myself, um well, I
00:03:34
can't cope in this situation right now
00:03:36
out and that opened a door
00:03:42
for
00:03:45
a collective pain of women, I say anyway,
00:03:48
that we can't defend ourselves, that
00:03:50
we are oppressed, so simply because
00:03:51
of 6000 years of patriarchy
00:03:54
we have
00:03:56
a big wound there
00:04:00
So
00:04:02
in this situation we and I were confronted with
00:04:06
a total powerlessness, it was really
00:04:09
only for a millisecond but I had
00:04:12
this image in my head, okay now it's
00:04:15
over, now I can't be myself,
00:04:18
now I'll be raped and
00:04:19
buried and die,
00:04:23
it was totally crazy As I said, not consciously, but
00:04:25
it was just out of the moment. When
00:04:29
I
00:04:32
got out of the situation, so to speak, I told him
00:04:34
that I decided how deep I
00:04:36
took his [ __ ] in my mouth, which he was
00:04:39
completely okay with. He was a nice guy I didn't mean any
00:04:42
harm to me at all,
00:04:44
it wasn't in any way. I don't want to
00:04:46
make him guilty because, um, as I
00:04:49
said, some women think that's a
00:04:50
good thing and, um, I'm sure that
00:04:53
he did
00:04:54
n't want to hurt me in any way,
00:04:58
but it triggered something really bad
00:05:00
in me and because of that I just
00:05:03
became even more aware of what we're walking around with,
00:05:06
so what's going on somewhere in
00:05:09
our bones or I don't know
00:05:12
where, like in our bones, there's
00:05:18
really a lot of fear and
00:05:22
then when it
00:05:26
became even more clear to me how much fear I really
00:05:28
have Not at all on a conscious
00:05:31
level but simply through this
00:05:33
drilling I was suddenly
00:05:35
confronted with, why am I afraid
00:05:38
of dying in a situation like this, so it
00:05:42
just became clear to me again
00:05:43
when this plays out in my sex life
00:05:49
that I am
00:05:51
in a situation I'm afraid of dying with a
00:05:55
very nice man,
00:05:57
how am I supposed to feel
00:06:01
really safe?
00:06:15
and I have to be careful not to get killed
00:06:19
and, um, I just
00:06:26
worked a lot with myself again and
00:06:32
firmly established my no, so in the
00:06:35
next few months
00:06:37
when I had sex I really made
00:06:40
sure that I
00:06:44
always said clearly when I did I
00:06:48
don't want to do anything and I really tried to
00:06:52
feel what was too much for me. That
00:06:57
was definitely a bit
00:06:59
stressful for my sex partners, so
00:07:02
I remember a situation
00:07:04
where a friend of mine
00:07:08
with whom I
00:07:10
was in bed somehow
00:07:14
only once I was allowed to go in briefly and, um, I
00:07:18
really said after five minutes,
00:07:19
no, thanks, you have to get
00:07:21
out again and he was really like,
00:07:25
I haven't even started yet,
00:07:29
and for me it was really important
00:07:31
that I decide that I
00:07:34
'm really the one She says okay, don't stop now,
00:07:37
so of course the man can
00:07:40
always do that
00:07:41
and he should,
00:07:44
but for me it was extremely important to
00:07:48
really allow myself to say no,
00:07:52
it's really not the case
00:07:54
that it's reflected on the outside anymore
00:07:55
I'm not allowed to do that, but simply
00:07:57
that from my story I
00:08:00
want to please, I want to
00:08:03
be somehow normal, be right, I
00:08:08
've done a lot of things that were
00:08:12
n't right for me, sometimes just
00:08:15
weren't right or weren't right at that moment
00:08:20
and when I Once this no had become more and more clearly established in me,
00:08:30
I was then
00:08:33
able to feel more
00:08:35
confident in bed with men again and I
00:08:38
think that's easy. I
00:08:40
just found it so impressive how
00:08:45
great the
00:08:47
pain is, perhaps only for me but
00:08:49
I have with other women
00:08:51
and I think that many people know
00:08:54
that we really often go beyond our
00:08:57
limits and somehow just
00:08:59
want to please the man again and
00:09:02
do things that we maybe just do
00:09:05
n't feel like doing or that
00:09:07
maybe even
00:09:10
disgust us or
00:09:14
sometimes even hurt us to just
00:09:17
be good and right somehow
00:09:22
and um now with
00:09:26
all this practice I'm just noticing
00:09:29
how much safer I
00:09:32
feel in bed and that I
00:09:33
can now start to have these new
00:09:37
experiences with me
00:09:40
too I can talk about it another time with a man and a woman, or
00:09:45
with two
00:09:49
men, or that I
00:09:51
can simply try things out in bed that
00:09:55
I wouldn't have dared to do otherwise
00:09:58
because I was just so
00:10:01
tense From the past, hopefully
00:10:03
nothing will happen that I don't want
00:10:06
and now with the
00:10:11
experience I've had, I'm sure I can
00:10:16
let myself go much better,
00:10:18
but of course there's still a lot of room
00:10:21
for improvement and I'd like to continue to
00:10:26
experience it, try it out and
00:10:29
see what's possible is with
00:10:34
this certainty that I can say no
00:10:37
and I would like to let
00:10:39
all other women know
00:10:44
that before we can say yes, it is
00:10:49
so important that we can say no first,
00:10:51
that we really
00:10:54
feel safe with it and yes As a result, we
00:10:57
can relax much better and
00:10:59
really be able to let go more deeply
00:11:02
and be pleasurable because, as I said,
00:11:05
if we are afraid and
00:11:07
feel insecure somewhere and are somewhere in the
00:11:09
stress of I have to
00:11:12
be right,
00:11:15
then relaxation is difficult for
00:11:19
exactly that and many Thanks for
00:11:23
listening and feel free to share with
00:11:27
the world

Description:

Lynns Support: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=ZSKAEWGW4TNMJ Achtung Trigger-Warnung! Es geht im weitesten Sinne auch um Gewalt gegen Frauen. Ich erzähle kleine Geschichten aus meinem Sexleben und welche Schlüsse ich daraus ziehe, für meine Persönlichkeitsentwicklung. Wenn jemand mich (ohne Paypal) finanziell unterstützen möchte: Lynn: Sparkasse Harburg-Buxtehude DE10 2075 0000 0091 2662 39

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