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Russian
00:00:01
you're not normal,00:00:05
you just don't get it, you're good for00:00:07
nothing,00:00:09
you're crazy, you00:00:11
should get help, that's00:00:14
not true, that's what you00:00:16
imagined,00:00:19
why are you always immediately offended? I'm00:00:22
just stating the facts,00:00:24
you're giving it always finished that00:00:26
I prefer to be alone00:00:29
having words makes and in connection with00:00:32
pathological narcissism destroy such00:00:35
sentences these statements are among00:00:38
the typical sentences through which00:00:41
narcissists demonstrate their power and00:00:43
exercise verbal violence in order to00:00:46
devalue and intimidate them00:00:49
[music]00:00:58
what do I want00:00:59
What is my goal with this video?00:01:02
This video is not about diagnosing00:01:05
pathological narcissists, but rather about being00:01:08
able to contribute to00:01:10
women finding a way out of such00:01:12
crisis situations00:01:14
and protecting themselves and their children.00:01:17
I also don't want to00:01:20
sensitize affected people to this00:01:22
Narcissistic violence is not uncommon00:01:25
and not even in Christian00:01:28
communities.00:01:30
If you have already searched for information on this topic,00:01:33
you will have00:01:34
found that there are many sources00:01:37
that report on narcissistic disorders.00:01:39
With this article I do00:01:41
n't want to just be another video with00:01:43
general information about it00:01:45
Instead, I would like to focus my00:01:48
attention today especially on00:01:50
women who live in Christian00:01:52
relationships and experience this type of00:01:56
violence in their home.00:01:58
Actually, these words00:02:01
Christian and narcissism form two00:02:04
opposites that should00:02:06
not come into connection, especially in Christian relationships,00:02:08
and yet Unfortunately, it happens far too00:02:11
often that married couples00:02:14
present a harmonious image to the outside world and00:02:17
there is terrible violence at home. Unfortunately,00:02:20
especially in a religious context, the00:02:22
misuse of the Bible can lead to00:02:25
women believing that they have to00:02:27
submit to this behavior and00:02:29
bear this abuse they feel feel00:02:33
helpless because they seek help and00:02:36
yet do not receive any help. In order to00:02:39
illustrate narcissistic violence,00:02:41
I will always use true stories00:02:44
of women as examples and00:02:48
these readings through conversations with00:02:51
women can no longer convince me of anything00:02:53
other than that of00:02:55
many women Those affected by narcissistic violence00:02:58
are00:03:00
precisely the foam culture in which many00:03:02
affected women grow up that prevents them from00:03:07
speaking openly about their pain, but that does not mean that00:03:09
this violence does not exist in marriages and families.00:03:11
Please let us not00:03:14
look away, let us not drive away and00:03:17
not downplay this violence00:03:20
Listen to those affected and try to00:03:23
help them. There will be several parts on this topic.00:03:25
After this video,00:03:28
I will upload an interview with a woman00:03:30
who experienced this violence in her marriage. There00:03:33
will also be an interview00:03:35
with an expert on this topic00:03:38
with whom we are also Many of your questions00:03:41
will be addressed. These questions00:03:44
will now guide us through the topic:00:03:46
Firstly, what does narcissism mean? 2 How does00:03:50
pathological narcissism manifest itself and00:03:52
what are the characteristics? Thirdly, how00:03:55
does a narcissist act in a relationship00:03:57
and what does narcissistic violence look like to00:04:00
children? Fourthly, what consequences00:04:03
can occur in women who00:04:05
suffer from narcissistic violence fifthly00:04:07
how can religious abuse00:04:10
support narcissistic violence and00:04:12
the last point is how can a woman00:04:15
protect herself and what ways out there are00:04:19
we come to point 1 what does narcissism mean00:04:24
Narcissists are not born as narcissists00:04:26
but Over the00:04:29
course of their lives they will develop genetic00:04:32
vulnerability, i.e. vulnerability00:04:34
is not very high in narcissists. The00:04:38
theory of the US00:04:41
psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut assumes in00:04:43
many cases that they have been traumatized00:04:46
by narcissistic parents. These00:04:48
parents do not see their children as00:04:50
independent but rather see them it as an00:04:53
extension of one's own person00:04:56
as well as a lack of balance00:04:59
between praising and setting clear00:05:02
boundaries can be the roots of pathological00:05:04
narcissism.00:05:07
Narcissism is defined in the broadest sense as00:05:09
self-love and self-admiration.00:05:11
In my video, however, I refer00:05:13
to the narcissistic00:05:15
personality disorder according to ICD-10 and00:05:19
here it is said that narcissistic00:05:21
personality disorder is a00:05:23
persistent and fundamental disorder of00:05:26
self-esteem, where one's00:05:29
own self is often internally00:05:31
rejected while the narcissist00:05:33
outwardly appears exaggeratedly self-absorbed.00:05:36
The patient constantly strives for00:05:39
attention and recognition.00:05:42
Interestingly enough, there is behind the00:05:44
unsightly facade of a narcissist not00:05:47
self-love but the opposite, a00:05:51
grandiose narcissist uses his00:05:53
exaggerated grandiosity to cover up his00:05:56
self-doubt, his insecurity, his00:05:59
angry pain and his fragile00:06:02
self-esteem. The narcissistic00:06:05
personality style serves the00:06:07
victim of these feelings because the fear is00:06:10
great that others00:06:13
might discover the underlying attitude. Before we00:06:15
go any further, I would like to It is important00:06:17
to mention that I am aware that there are00:06:19
both female and male00:06:21
narcissistic personalities,00:06:23
but in my00:06:25
work with women I limit myself to women who00:06:30
suffer from male narcissistic personalities and I will00:06:32
therefore only refer to this in my video. Let's00:06:34
now move on to point00:06:37
2 How does pathological narcissism manifest itself00:06:40
and what are the characteristics of it?00:06:42
Liking yourself and being proud of your00:06:45
own achievements is not00:06:47
narcissistic. However, a pathological narcissist00:06:50
shows an increased need for00:06:53
admiration, that is, a00:06:55
strong desire for00:06:57
recognition and attention. He shows00:07:00
fantasies of limitless success and power00:07:03
and beauty a pathological narcissist00:07:06
you can't listen to him is only00:07:08
present when he talks he finds it00:07:10
difficult to tolerate when someone00:07:13
criticizes him this behavior is00:07:15
clearly shown in relationship crises he is00:07:18
bossy and cannot00:07:20
apologize he reacts to criticism in an00:07:22
offended and sympathetic way Aggression or00:07:25
withdrawal of these behavior patterns are00:07:28
particularly suitable for manipulating others.00:07:32
His favorite position is from00:07:35
above. He makes others small in order to00:07:37
make himself feel bigger, especially when00:07:40
others are helpless. He feels00:07:43
powerful. He often seems cold and00:07:46
hardly shows any feelings or feelings Feeling that he is00:07:49
selfish and shows no interest in00:07:51
the needs of others, a00:07:54
narcissist goes so far that he00:07:56
not only ignores the other person but00:07:59
wants to destroy them, then narcissism tips into an00:08:02
extreme form of personality disorder00:08:04
which is very dangerous. This is00:08:07
sometimes called ligneous or malignant00:08:08
narcissism. These narcissists They00:08:11
often don't even shy away from extreme00:08:14
physical violence and can take00:08:15
great pleasure in00:08:18
literally tormenting their victims. Depending on the type and00:08:21
intensity, a narcissistic00:08:23
personality disorder can00:08:25
take different forms. Let's00:08:27
now move on to point number three:00:08:29
how does pathological narcissism00:08:33
affect a relationship and how? is a00:08:35
narcissist almost every relationship with00:08:38
a narcissist follows a pattern from which00:08:41
a narcissistic00:08:43
partnership can be recognized.00:08:45
However, this does not mean that everyone who00:08:48
shows these behaviors has a00:08:50
narcissistic personality disorder.00:08:55
Only a psychiatrist or00:08:56
psychologist should make such a diagnosis, but for them00:08:59
When dealing with narcissistic00:09:00
behavior, it is00:09:02
helpful to recognize this in order to protect yourself from injuries.00:09:07
We come to the first phase, which is00:09:09
called love bumping.00:09:12
At the beginning of a relationship with a00:09:14
narcissist, everything seems to be perfect00:09:17
because the narcissist showers his partner00:09:20
with attention and love with00:09:22
compliments and gestures he appears00:09:25
self-confident, looks tall and00:09:28
great and shows himself to be00:09:29
above average with feeling00:09:31
attentive and charming because narcissists00:09:35
often have a very good understanding of people,00:09:37
they know exactly what00:09:39
needs they have to satisfy in the other person in order to00:09:44
achieve their own goal, namely recognition and00:09:46
admiration It is00:09:48
precisely this exaggerated courtship phase in00:09:51
a relationship that is the first00:09:54
warning sign that it is not about00:09:56
love at all but rather about manipulation. Often00:09:59
in the early phases of the relationship these couples make00:10:02
joint00:10:03
future plans for a marriage. At this00:10:06
point I would like to read the first example of00:10:08
a story from a woman I00:10:12
grew up with Many siblings grew up and00:10:14
as a child received little attention in00:10:16
recognition. In my teenage years00:10:19
I met a boy who00:10:21
was raised as a Christian and attended a large00:10:23
church. For the first few months00:10:26
we didn't see each other in person but00:10:28
wrote to each other and spoke on the phone a lot. He00:10:30
called me every day and wrote me thousands00:10:32
SMS He gave me a lot of00:10:35
attention, a lot of compliments, he00:10:38
gave me expensive gifts,00:10:40
he gave me something I had00:10:42
never experienced before and I wanted as much of00:10:45
it as possible. It quickly became00:10:48
a committed relationship, marriage plans were made far too quickly,00:10:50
I00:10:52
asked God At the time I didn't know if he00:10:54
was the right man for my life, I00:10:56
just assumed that he was already right00:10:58
and the first few months were00:11:00
intense and I was on cloud nine.00:11:04
Now we come to phase 2 of00:11:07
manipulation and humiliation - the00:11:10
perfect masquerade in the first Phase00:11:12
usually doesn't last long after this00:11:16
emotional high, the abrupt low is followed by00:11:19
a phase with emotional withdrawal,00:11:23
humiliation and manipulation. People00:11:27
with healthy instincts and00:11:29
mental stability move away00:11:32
from narcissistic people.00:11:35
Women who are, however, naturally sensitive00:11:38
and very compassionate people They00:11:41
find it very difficult to00:11:43
separate again in this phase of getting to know each other. Because of00:11:45
their empathy, they often show the00:11:48
need to be able to help the narcissistic partner00:11:50
with a lot of care and to get through00:11:53
to their true self.00:11:56
But the fact is that the narcissistic00:11:59
personality is real and most00:12:01
narcissists are00:12:04
women who perceive themselves as00:12:05
inferior are also00:12:07
susceptible to narcissists. If the00:12:10
need for appreciation and00:12:12
recognition was not met by their parents in childhood,00:12:13
a deficiency can00:12:16
arise. When looking for a partner,00:12:19
the person who fills this deficiency is then sought00:12:22
At this point00:12:25
the narcissist can classify himself. After the extreme00:12:28
wave of recognition, as I said, the00:12:31
manipulation phase follows through his00:12:33
humiliations and keeping his00:12:35
own self-image small. The00:12:38
narcissist subconsciously confirms this woman's00:12:40
low self-esteem. Anyone who00:12:44
thinks he doesn't00:12:47
deserve love takes the supposed00:12:49
love of one Narcissists are grateful for no matter how00:12:52
pathological it may be, his00:12:55
manipulations can be00:12:57
carried out in a variety of ways. I00:13:00
would like to give you a few examples of this.00:13:02
Firstly, for example,00:13:06
the humiliation and manipulation can be00:13:08
reflected in the fact that the00:13:10
narcissistic husband00:13:13
criticizes and00:13:15
questions every behavior you express again and again He does00:13:17
n't like your thinking, your00:13:20
beliefs, your00:13:21
future plans, your family and friends00:13:25
and also your appearance.00:13:28
He speaks badly about your family00:13:30
and would prefer that you don't00:13:32
meet them so often and he also00:13:36
finds your friends strange and talks00:13:38
disparagingly about them and about him Comparing you with00:13:42
other women, he00:13:45
indirectly demands from you a different00:13:47
style of clothing, a different hairstyle, a00:13:50
different, even prettier body and because you00:13:53
want to please him you follow all00:13:56
his requests, you dress00:13:58
differently, do less and do sports00:14:01
and perhaps visit your family00:14:03
less and less To please him at00:14:07
this point I would like to00:14:09
briefly read the second story from a woman00:14:11
who experienced this. My ex-husband was a00:14:14
pastor and led a small church00:14:17
in this church. I carried out some00:14:19
services that I enjoyed.00:14:21
At some point my ex asked for it Man,00:14:23
I was never allowed to weigh more than 46 kilograms00:14:25
because he liked me that way. If I00:14:28
gained a bit of weight,00:14:31
he punished me by not being allowed to00:14:33
carry out any more services and tasks in the community00:14:35
until I had reached the perfect00:14:38
weight00:14:40
officially work together again00:14:43
Secondly,00:14:45
narcissists are very bad at00:14:47
dealing with criticism and can lie masterfully.00:14:51
If you talk to him about his mistakes, he00:14:53
reacts aggressively and denies any00:14:55
wrongdoing. The technical term for this00:14:58
is called gaslighting. He does00:15:01
n't allow himself to be spoken to and he often twists the00:15:03
truth and your statements so that00:15:06
you suddenly feel completely confused and00:15:08
innocent, he then reacts with00:15:11
statements like, for example, you're crazy,00:15:13
but I don't know what you00:15:15
noticed, but I never said that, you00:15:19
're so sick, you need therapy,00:15:22
then women hear sentences like that in00:15:26
such situations If his00:15:28
wrongdoing cannot be denied,00:15:30
such as vomiting, he declares you00:15:33
guilty because your stupid00:15:36
behavior alone would have provoked him to do that.00:15:39
Thirdly, another important point00:15:42
that needs to be mentioned at this point is00:15:45
that narcissists have00:15:47
impressive acting00:15:50
skills To the outside world,00:15:52
he always tries to present a polite and00:15:55
helpful image. In families00:15:58
and Christian communities, he is00:16:03
seen as an example, especially in his service, and is praised for his hard work and00:16:06
his achievements are admired.00:16:08
Even in the closest family circles,00:16:11
a narcissist is very difficult00:16:13
to understand Because he is a master of00:16:16
manipulation, because he is00:16:18
not afraid to expose you in front of others,00:16:19
he gives the family00:16:21
a negative image of you while he00:16:24
continues to maintain his grandiose image.00:16:26
At some point you dare to00:16:28
reveal the truth and00:16:30
talk openly about your problems00:16:33
This can lead to great difficulties00:16:35
because outsiders often find it00:16:38
difficult to believe the woman. If00:16:41
a separation even occurs,00:16:44
a narcissist usually pulls out all the stops and00:16:46
tells a lot of lies in order to portray the woman as the00:16:49
guilty one and himself as the00:16:51
victim,00:16:53
a woman reports Following I00:16:56
experienced a lot of narcissistic violence in my marriage00:16:58
without understanding what was00:17:01
going on as my relationship with God00:17:03
grew stronger and I00:17:06
became more and more filled with his love it00:17:08
affected how I00:17:10
responded to my husband's manipulation00:17:13
when my husband realized that As I reacted less and00:17:15
less to his humiliations00:17:17
and he lost power, it00:17:21
annoyed him so much that he threw me and00:17:23
my child out of the apartment in anger.00:17:25
Thank God God gave me00:17:28
a family who00:17:30
gave us a temporary new home without asking during00:17:33
this time My ex-husband drove to my00:17:36
family and my00:17:37
closest friends' families and told them00:17:40
his twisted version of the story,00:17:42
he lied to them and said very bad00:17:45
things about me, he manipulated them00:17:48
by crying over and over again and00:17:50
telling them that he loved me despite my00:17:52
mistakes and although I00:17:55
would have left him, I really00:17:57
wanted to be with me,00:17:59
many felt sorry for him, some00:18:02
of my friends turned away from me00:18:04
because of his victim role, which he00:18:07
played brilliantly, many found it00:18:10
difficult not to believe him, they00:18:12
now saw these lies through his eyes00:18:15
Hearing me was incredibly difficult00:18:17
and unfair at the same time. Another00:18:21
manipulation is evident in the fact that00:18:23
narcissists punish with sanctions.00:18:25
One of their favorite punishments is00:18:29
ignoring intimacy and00:18:32
sexual intercourse is denied to the woman.00:18:34
Through these power games,00:18:36
the partner becomes dependent on00:18:39
the narcissist00:18:42
Always has the upper hand in his position of power and the00:18:45
victim is desperately wondering how she should00:18:47
behave, what she should say, what00:18:49
she should wear in order to avoid such reactions from00:18:52
her partner.00:18:54
A woman reports the following:00:18:57
it always followed the same patterns00:18:59
after a phase in which he00:19:02
was friendly and loving, he became increasingly00:19:05
angry until at some point he exploded,00:19:08
he humiliated and insulted me, made00:19:11
me feel like I was to blame for everything00:19:14
and as a punishment he ignored me. It00:19:18
happened that we00:19:19
lived next to each other for four weeks without even saying00:19:22
a word Not a word was spoken to me,00:19:25
no love, no affection for me,00:19:30
it was pure torture and he00:19:32
also knew that because it was difficult for me to endure this state.00:19:35
I was the one who then00:19:38
went to him and didn't00:19:40
apologize for things that I had never done or00:19:42
said If,00:19:44
after the00:19:47
manipulation phase, the narcissist again00:19:49
switches to excessive loving affection,00:19:52
the cycle of violence begins again. The00:19:56
narcissist acts as if nothing had happened00:19:58
and he seamlessly transitions into normal00:20:02
everyday life because beautiful00:20:05
moments will now follow again. The00:20:07
manipulation phase will quickly be suppressed,00:20:10
the woman hopes now hope for an improvement00:20:12
and convince herself that everything00:20:15
will get better again until this certain00:20:18
come here and go away game starts again from the00:20:22
beginning. In this ups and downs,00:20:25
the woman constantly oscillates between00:20:28
hope and hopelessness and00:20:31
becomes dependent on her00:20:33
husband Let's move on to the next point,00:20:35
what consequences can arise for women who00:20:41
suffer from narcissistic violence? It is not uncommon for00:20:47
psychological injuries to be suffered as a result of narcissistic abuse, which can lead to00:20:50
depression, anxiety, extreme00:20:53
jumpiness, a constant feeling00:20:56
of charm and even post-traumatic00:20:59
stress disorder is00:21:02
not such an00:21:04
obvious consequence,00:21:06
this type of violence leaves a00:21:08
negative impact on one's thinking and00:21:11
perception because this00:21:14
emotional abuse is a traumatic00:21:17
experience for the body, mind and soul.00:21:20
Insults, devaluations and00:21:23
many other manipulative tactics are00:21:27
very stressful. Those affected report this in00:21:31
therapy great self-doubt,00:21:33
nightmares, irritability, panic attacks00:21:37
and an excessive need for sleep.00:21:40
If the affected person00:21:44
avoids processing these painful experiences,00:21:47
emotional attunement often occurs, feelings of guilt00:21:51
and distorted memories and these00:21:54
then also have an impact on their00:21:57
everyday life. A mother tells the00:21:59
following:00:22:02
I suffered In my marriage I was subjected to a lot of00:22:04
humiliation and manipulation by00:22:06
my ex-husband, which meant that I had a00:22:09
lot of self-doubt. What00:22:11
hit me the most was when it was suddenly00:22:14
no longer just about me but00:22:16
also about my daughter after a long00:22:18
and difficult birth00:22:20
My ex-husband told me in the00:22:22
hospital that I did00:22:24
n't bring any flowers. After all, it was00:22:26
n't you who deserved these flowers. God00:22:29
gave me our daughter and not00:22:31
you. These words hit me like so many00:22:34
injuries before.00:22:37
Our baby cried a lot in the first few months Because,00:22:39
as it turned out later, she00:22:42
had a blockage in her cervical vertebrae and00:22:45
in the first few years she only gained00:22:47
weight slowly when she showed no appetite00:22:49
and when she was restless then in00:22:52
his opinion it was always my fault. I00:22:55
kept hearing that I had00:22:57
one Being a bad mom, I tried00:22:59
everything to pass on my best for my own,00:23:01
bought organic meat at the market00:23:04
and prepared the baby food in the00:23:07
Thermomix. Nothing was good enough for00:23:10
him. He said that she wasn't eating because I00:23:13
had prepared it wrong and00:23:16
didn't put enough effort into it While I was00:23:18
feeding my daughter, he sat next to me00:23:20
and watched me,00:23:23
he commented on everything I did and angrily took00:23:26
my seat if I00:23:28
did something wrong again in his opinion because in00:23:31
our culture it is less common for00:23:33
men to change diapers or00:23:35
feeding the baby, he liked to present himself00:23:38
as a caring father by00:23:41
demonstratively taking on these tasks in front of others,00:23:43
in front of his family and00:23:46
friends, he was the hero father, while00:23:48
he also liked to doubt my abilities as a mother00:23:50
in front of others with questionable00:23:54
looks with sighs or hurtful statements00:23:56
He00:23:58
rarely took time for his daughter after work,00:24:01
but he always managed to make me00:24:03
feel guilty whenever I00:24:05
went on a date with a friend.00:24:07
At some point, I doubted myself here too00:24:10
and believed these lies, even though my00:24:13
friends and sisters00:24:15
told me that I was a good one I am a mother00:24:17
and although I love my daughter more than anything,00:24:19
it was very difficult for me to00:24:23
believe that it was with God and through00:24:26
therapeutic work I was finally able to separate myself00:24:28
from many lies and even00:24:30
doubts. It was a painful00:24:32
and long process.00:24:36
We now come to point 5 how can00:24:39
spiritual abuse00:24:41
support narcissistic violence if00:24:43
the Bible is used incorrectly it can00:24:45
serve as a tool to00:24:48
manipulate people and abuse them the00:24:51
clergy abused00:24:53
can then be used to support00:24:55
narcissistic violence in relationships00:24:56
especially the Bible verse from00:25:00
Ephesians 5 in which it says you Women00:25:03
submit to their husbands just as00:25:06
they submit to the Lord can00:25:11
be used by a narcissist to humiliate his wife and00:25:13
is passed off as the will of God.00:25:16
Every response, every criticism is00:25:19
called disobedience because a narcissist00:25:23
hates criticism, it suits them very well00:25:25
when the woman no longer addresses his mistakes00:25:27
and accepts all his decisions00:25:30
without any objections,00:25:33
that a man should love his wife00:25:35
like Christ, the church is00:25:37
simply ignored by the narcissist, in00:25:40
religious structures,00:25:43
attempts are often still made to present a perfect image to the outside world,00:25:45
so they struggle Many women00:25:48
suffer violence in their marriage and do00:25:50
not seek help for a long time. The shame that00:25:53
someone might find out that their marriage is00:25:55
not going perfectly is too great to00:25:59
the point where it is no longer bearable.00:26:03
A woman seeks help, but00:26:05
unfortunately she does not receive any help necessary00:26:08
support this is actually needed00:26:10
many00:26:12
elders and pastors are00:26:14
not aware of narcissistic abuse00:26:16
and the narcissist usually manages to00:26:20
convince everyone else that00:26:23
the woman is the culprit so the00:26:25
woman is often advised to stay with her husband00:26:28
even if he is hurting her psychologically00:26:30
or physically Violence00:26:34
when it comes to the intimate life of a00:26:36
married couple requires the woman00:26:38
not to withdraw from her husband00:26:41
and to always make herself00:26:43
available to him. The Bible passage that00:26:48
can also be abused by the narcissist here is the one from First Corinthians00:26:50
7 in which it says Do not withdraw from each other00:26:53
except by mutual00:26:55
consent and only for a while in order to00:26:58
be free for prayer. He forces00:27:00
his wife to00:27:03
give herself to him again and again, even if he humiliates00:27:07
and abuses her. Let us now come to point00:27:10
number 6: how can a woman00:27:12
protect herself and what ways out are there?00:27:16
Before I get to the ways out, I would like to00:27:20
briefly explain whether there are chances of recovery00:27:22
for narcissists. When it comes to the psyche,00:27:25
psychologists don't say it's not00:27:27
curable, but rather that it can be changed.00:27:33
Medication doesn't help with narcissistic disorders, so psychotherapy is always00:27:35
used when00:27:38
narcissists come for treatment00:27:40
A long therapy process can be expected,00:27:42
which often takes several years and00:27:45
if the disorder is not malignant, there is00:27:48
even a good chance that the narcissist00:27:51
will experience an improvement and that00:27:53
the relationship can improve.00:27:58
For me,00:28:01
however, the knowledge that I am thinking of one is above any psychological therapy option I00:28:04
believe God is almighty, he is00:28:06
powerful to heal every disease and00:28:09
also to change narcissists.00:28:11
Narcissism is not bigger than my00:28:15
God. At the same time,00:28:16
he has also given us humans00:28:19
free will00:28:27
Wanting to be changed and00:28:30
opening your heart to God for this, especially with00:28:33
pathological narcissism, I see the00:28:36
problem that egoism and pride00:28:39
can be an obstacle. I heard from a00:28:41
Christian00:28:43
pastor who said that00:28:45
after 30 years of professional experience in00:28:48
marriage therapy, she doesn't have a marriage more consultations in00:28:52
which the man is a narcissist because she00:28:54
has hardly experienced any changes and it is00:28:57
difficult to work in such consultations,00:28:59
even if the men claim to have00:29:02
changed, they fell00:29:06
back into their old patterns within two to three months, let's get to it00:29:09
First of all, I would like to00:29:12
emphasize in this video that00:29:16
God hates divorce, the Bible leads00:29:19
here to show in which cases00:29:21
Jesus gives people the freedom00:29:23
to decide on divorce and my explanation of00:29:26
the possible ways out is not intended to be a00:29:30
legitimation for divorce as you00:29:32
decide what you do or what00:29:35
you don't do is solely up to you and00:29:37
God and you are only accountable to him. At the00:29:39
same time, there are also00:29:41
cases such as violence and00:29:43
abuse in which women have no other00:29:46
choice than to separate them from a person00:29:49
who does violence to them Because00:29:52
they have to protect their lives and the lives of their children,00:29:56
when00:29:58
two people get married they decide to love and honor each other,00:30:03
while great emphasis is placed on the prohibition of divorce,00:30:06
the00:30:09
highest and most important commandment is00:30:12
to love God and one's fellow human beings in this00:30:14
context We often overlook00:30:18
a divorce as one of the worst00:30:20
sins and quickly condemn the00:30:22
people who are divorced, while the00:30:24
violation of the commandment of love through00:30:27
violence is seen as tolerable and not so00:30:30
bad for a man who does00:30:33
not honor and love his wife00:30:36
First of all, his promise to00:30:38
God and man is broken.00:30:42
In the word decision there is also the00:30:45
word divorce and the man who00:30:48
so violently humiliates his wife has00:30:52
already decided to divorce from his00:30:55
promise to honor and00:30:58
love her even before the divorce is on00:31:00
paper Some women's00:31:03
fear of not being allowed to divorce is00:31:06
so strong with their narcissistic00:31:08
and violent husband that it can even lead to00:31:12
serious mental illness or00:31:15
worse and in my00:31:17
opinion it shouldn't get to that point,00:31:20
so I would now like to00:31:22
show you the following possible ways out00:31:25
that can help you: Firstly,00:31:27
ask God to give you the00:31:30
wisdom to take the right steps00:31:32
and to00:31:34
guide your healing process00:31:47
Books, learn his tactics and00:31:50
new00:31:51
communication techniques that00:31:53
will help you protect yourself, do not expose yourself to00:31:56
his verbal violence.00:32:00
Fourth, if you are a young woman00:32:04
and notice that these characteristics apply to00:32:07
your friendly relationship with00:32:09
your boyfriend, then you should00:32:12
end this relationship, hope not00:32:15
that you can change him,00:32:17
you won't be able to do that,00:32:20
fifthly, inform your family and00:32:23
your closest friends so that they00:32:26
know and don't fall for his lies,00:32:28
sixthly, find00:32:31
contacts, pastors or00:32:33
therapists who can help you in your00:32:36
healing process, seventhly,00:32:38
if your husband is really ready00:32:41
to want to be changed and depending on the00:32:44
extent of the violence, you can00:32:47
support him in starting therapy00:32:50
and accompany him in this change process,00:32:52
but for this he has to00:32:55
really make an effort and really be00:32:57
yes00:32:58
8 in emergencies, seek protection and00:33:02
help in a women's shelter, for example with the police00:33:05
with family or friends 900:33:09
If there is a separation then do00:33:12
n't make this decision alone, be sure to consult00:33:14
a pastor or00:33:17
a spiritual director who is00:33:19
spiritually strong, does not00:33:22
use spiritual abuse, is familiar with the topic of00:33:24
narcissistic violence and is familiar with it can00:33:26
advise you on the next steps and00:33:29
help you and tenthly get00:33:32
support from a lawyer and00:33:34
advice centers. At this point00:33:36
I would like to address the mothers because00:33:39
if you are a mother then include00:33:42
your children in all your considerations.00:33:45
Many mothers think that they are theirs00:33:48
Children are harmed when they are separated from their father,00:33:50
even if he00:33:53
is so violent,00:33:54
but narcissistic violence does not stop with the00:33:57
wife but00:33:59
also extends to the children. Children of00:34:02
narcissistic parents suffer greatly00:34:04
from their parents00:34:06
controlling them, attacking them or00:34:08
belittling them for the upper hand00:34:10
They can dramatize quite well,00:34:12
i.e. the narcissistic00:34:14
parents and appear offended when the00:34:17
child doesn't do what they say.00:34:20
Communication between two is always00:34:22
a duel. The child is always a00:34:25
loser.00:34:27
It is not only painful but00:34:29
also dangerous for the00:34:31
child00:34:33
is forced00:34:35
to develop a false self in order to do00:34:38
justice to the father in everything in our case,00:34:41
it suppresses his needs, does00:34:44
not develop his strengths and holds00:34:47
back as a knowledge and lastly00:34:50
I want to tell you that in all your00:34:52
decisions there is no one for you and00:34:56
Only you are00:34:59
responsible for this decision for your children. Let us briefly00:35:02
address the question of what reactions00:35:04
a separation can cause in a narcissist.00:35:08
In this case, narcissists are00:35:11
offended in their pride and react with00:35:14
aggressive behavior when they use their00:35:16
power and control lose then00:35:19
their self-made house of cards of the00:35:22
wrongly portrayed self-image00:35:24
collapses and in this case they portray the00:35:27
woman as the villain and themselves as00:35:29
the victim because they frighten the woman and00:35:33
talk to her that they cannot live without him00:35:36
and spread the word in the00:35:39
families and in Circles of friends Rumors00:35:41
and lies about their wife00:35:43
Malignant narcissists can even00:35:46
go so far as to00:35:48
completely destroy a person's reputation in order to hurt the woman00:35:50
and ruin her future.00:35:54
Narcissists who have children threaten to00:35:56
take the children away from the mother and00:35:59
even go so far as to say portraying the mother as mentally ill in front of the youth welfare office00:36:01
and in court00:36:04
and lying in such00:36:08
cases, it is advisable to urgently seek advice and00:36:11
help from counseling centers and from a00:36:13
lawyer before00:36:16
starting a conversation with these narcissists.00:36:19
How can parents, siblings, friends00:36:22
and the pastors react to this?00:36:26
Lastly, I would like to address those00:36:28
close to you, such as parents, friends00:36:31
or pastors. With the00:36:34
information from this video you00:36:38
know the signs of narcissistic violence. Please get more00:36:41
information if a woman00:36:45
confides in you then she has the courage and00:36:48
strength to do it to do00:36:50
please listen and take her00:36:53
situation seriously you can00:36:55
support her by00:36:58
looking for help with her and helping as much as possible00:37:00
in or out of the situation00:37:02
to those who00:37:04
do pastoral work00:37:06
I would like to say that if you If00:37:08
you are involved in marriage work and you00:37:10
notice that narcissistic00:37:13
personality traits are present in one of the00:37:15
spouses, then be sure to divide00:37:18
this pastoral care work into two00:37:20
separate consultations, for example00:37:22
pastoral care from woman to woman and from man00:37:25
to man, with both having the opportunity00:37:28
to talk openly about it, as they have already done As00:37:31
mentioned at the beginning, we will next00:37:33
see a video podcast in which a00:37:35
Christian woman who00:37:37
has experienced narcissistic violence tells about her story so that00:37:39
she would like to encourage other women00:37:42
who are in similar situations to00:37:44
open up and00:37:46
seek help. You should definitely listen to this00:37:54
You can find book recommendations and literature references in the description. Please00:37:56
share this video by sharing it so00:37:59
you can help affected women who00:38:04
find themselves in these violent situations00:38:05
[Music]Description:
Kommt es eigentlich vor, dass narzisstische Gewalt in christlichen Ehen herrscht obwohl nach außen hin christliche Werte gelebt werden? Diese und viele weitere Fragen möchte ich in diesem Video angehen. Bitte beachtet, dass mir bewusst ist, dass es auch Männer gibt, die unter narzisstischer Gewalt leiden. In meiner Arbeit für Frauen, beziehe ich mich in diesem Video ganz bewusst nur auf Frauen und kommuniziere es dementsprechend auch in meinem Video so. Empfehlungen: https://umgang-mit-narzissten.de/verkauf-wie-erkenne-ich-narzissten/?_gl=1*wtehzx*_up*MQ.. https://www.therapie.de/psyche/info/index/diagnose/persoenlichkeitsstoerungen/narzisstisch/ https://www.amazon.de/Wenn-den-liebst-dir-wehtut-ebook/dp/B077C25TF3 https://www.amazon.de/Genug-ist-Narzissmus-emotionaler-Beziehungen/dp/B084DJR3L3?adgrpid=69393260325&hvadid=606516511366&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9043302&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=11310809405401277249&hvtargid=kwd-472223923635&hydadcr=22120_2294339 00:00 Typische narzisstische Aussagen 03:24 Inhalt 04:19 Teil 1. Aufklärungsvideo 06:36 2. Wie zeigt sich krankhafter Narzissmus und welche Kennzeichen gibt es? 08:27 3. Wie geht ein Narzisst in einer Beziehung vor? Wie sieht narzisstische Gewalt in der Ehe aus? 09:06 Erste Phase: "Love Bombing" 11:05 Zweite Phase: Manipulation und Erniedrigungen 12:32 Drite Phase: Erniedrigungen & Lügen 13:03 1. Kritisieren und Hinterfragen 14:42 2. Gaslighting 15:39 3. Täuschen und Lügen 18:20 Vierte Phase: Sanktionen 20:33 4. Welche Folgen können bei Frauen entstehen, die unter narzisstischer Gewalt leiden? 24:36 5. Wie kann geistlicher Missbrauch narzisstischen Gewalt unterstützen? 27:08 6. Wie kann eine Frau sich schützen und welche Auswege gibt es? 35:01 Welche Reaktionen kann eine Trennung beim Narzissten hervorrufen? 36:19 Wie können Eltern, Geschwister, Freunde und die Pastoren darauf reagieren?
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