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00:00:00
I don't I dude I do not do the poping bottle
[ __ ] and anybody's ever hung out me they'll 00:00:03
tell you I don't do that man like if I go to
a nightclub alls I want to do is sit at the 00:00:08
bar have a couple drinks listen to some music
blend in I don't need shout outs I don't need 00:00:12
special treatment I don't need none of that
[ __ ] only problem is if I sit at the bar 00:00:17
takes one person to get on his cell phone
and be like oh [ __ ] I think Gary Owen00:00:22
struggling this [ __ ] the bar with everybody else
he came afford his own section yes I can I don't 00:00:32
want a section I don't want to spend thousand do
popping bottles first of all I don't drink that 00:00:38
much two drinks I'm good three I'm [ __ ] up I
ain't going to spend thousand dollars popping 00:00:44
bottles why so me and my boys can drink we
ain't [ __ ] get your own look you thirsty 00:00:51
[ __ ] [ __ ] looking at me all night hey girl
you going to get a bottle I'm going to get a glass00:01:02
plus plus if I did want to order a bottle I
can't do it discreetly I can't be in act like 00:01:06
hey man let me get one bottle and they slide
me a bottom the low no comes with a goddamn 00:01:10
sparkler on it little light show happens
throughout the club and siren goes off 00:01:18
takes eight girls to bring one [ __ ] bottle
out like one girl's got the bottle one's got 00:01:22
the sparkler five girls got these big ass
letters to spell somebody's name out where 00:01:26
the [ __ ] do the letters come from at the
club theyed be coming out the back you know00:01:30
David and I tell you what you've never been to
a nightclub and seen a dude order one bottle and 00:01:43
then call a night no but then night dude got five
six bottles on his Tab and everybody thinks it's 00:01:48
the bottle girls that make dudes want to order
more bottles no no it's not it's a DJ DJ's a 00:01:53
mastermind behind it all cuz as soon as a DJ sees
that first bottle come out with that sparkling on 00:01:57
it DJ gets on a microphone starts hyping dead dude
up basically mind [ __ ] him making him feel like 00:02:02
he's a man at night makes him want to pop more
bottles you know cuz as soon as that first bottle 00:02:07
comes out here comes a DJ oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] I
see you Table Six I see you table six one bottle 00:02:15
two bottle Three Bottle four bottle somebody
getting it in tonight girls coming out the back00:02:22
[Applause] David00:02:34
every time I see a dude who be popping bottles 00:02:35
I'll be sitting at the bar my
one drink watching it all play00:02:38
out so while the DJ's hyping David up I'll be
over at the bar doing the math I like oh [ __ ] 00:02:56
David got the big bottles of Hennessy that [ __ ]
700 $50 a bottle so the DJ's going one bottle two 00:03:04
bottle I'm over here going 750 1,500 2250 3,000
3750 David going to be mad in the morning I mean 00:03:15
I be trying to tell dudes man you ain't got to
pop bottles and me girls like that cuz I think 00:03:19
nine times out of 10 guys go to nightclub this
to me girls I get it you know but if you ain't 00:03:23
got ,000 of pop on bottles you ain't got to do
it man I be telling dudes man if you want to 00:03:27
meet girls you ain't got the money like that just
listen just just wait outside wait for the club 00:03:31
to close everybody got a leave you know you know
hopefully a food truck pulls up it's so easy to 00:03:38
meet girls at the food truck when the Club closes
cuz usually the girls even in a nightclub when 00:03:43
they wait to close those girls are a little tipsy
discombobulated got their shoes in their right 00:03:48
hand you know they in the parking lot looking
for the girls they came with just walking around00:03:53
Karen Karen who the [ __ ] is00:04:00
Karen I'll be telling this man just wait for
the food truck to pull up hopefully it's a 00:04:09
taco truck everybody likes tacos late at night
you know so so when it's your turn just wait in 00:04:14
line when it's your turn to order some tacos
look behind you find nice looking lady offer 00:04:18
some food just sit there what's up wait wait
you's you want some toos go damn you want some 00:04:27
toos I'll take a taco all right two tacos hey man
let me get two tacos $2 here you go have a couple00:04:37
tacos her girlfriend's over where'd you
get them tacos at that dude right there he00:05:02
nice know let me get a samoi 50 cents here you
go P's guamo tacos you spent $2.50 you got the 00:05:12
same phone number David got David spent
$6,000 popping bottles in a nightclub you00:05:17
know and trust me see you going to remember
you over David you know you know the next 00:05:24
day you know got you put food in her body
you nourished her you know the next day 00:05:29
they about it David ain't ain't going to
wake up till 1 2:00 all the Hennessy run 00:05:32
through his system all you got to do is get
up 9:30 10 in the morning shoot a little good 00:05:36
morning text good morning beautiful
good meeting you last night taco taco 00:05:39
taco emoji [ __ ] that's a taco dude yeah
yeah I like he was cool that's a taco dude00:05:46
yeah what's crazy about R Kelly is I watch that
I watch that document you surviving AR Kelly with 00:05:54
six episodes and uh it's crazy how his whole
career is like before the piss and after the 00:06:00
piss that was like the whole timeline you know
like I I and I didn't tape surviving our Kelly 00:06:05
I watched all six episodes live like like by
episode four I was the guy on Twitter [ __ ] 00:06:11
our Kelly I ain't listen to his [ __ ] no more
he's deleted forever 3 days later I'm at a party 00:06:19
step step side to side bring it back going a
[Applause] [ __ ] I Ain supposed to dancing 00:06:26
this no more but I couldn't Stop Dancing I go
oh my God he is the Pod Piper his music has 00:06:34
taken over my [Applause] legs I swear after
uh after watching surviving R Kelly and all 00:06:42
these other scandals that happen every week
I'm I'm to the point of my career where I'm 00:06:46
just happy to be an Entertainer without a
scandal right now you know I mean it's I00:06:51
mean it's gotten to the point where I'm scared
to open up my laptop in the morning cuz I just 00:06:58
be looking at it like a [ __ ] it's today today
cuz I've never done anything to anybody I'm not 00:07:05
worried about that still don't mean somebody
can't accuse me of [ __ ] you know like it'd 00:07:09
be nothing for a woman to come out of left
field and be like Gary on and smack my ass in00:07:15
1992 he's at a crisscross
concert your clothes were on00:07:22
backwards so00:07:25
croud I keep I keep waiting for a
white lady to come after me I keep 00:07:32
waiting for a white lady to be like garyo
and sexually harass me now you know you00:07:37
li even my wife would be like she bullshitting
he ain't knew that just how some white people 00:07:55
just don't realize what you can and cannot say
about black people like like I'm around black 00:08:00
people a lot like a lot you know like honestly
it's pretty easy what you can and cannot say 00:08:07
you know like you can't say where was answered on
Twitter I'm not going to repeat it you can't say 00:08:11
that you know you can't say the m word that's
obvious you know just some white people won't 00:08:15
let that were go I just want to go you know why
can't we say it just a word can we say it they be 00:08:25
looking at me like I know the answer and [ __ ]
Gary why can't we said I don't know that's the00:08:32
rules I got bigger [ __ ] to worry about than that
one goddamn word hell I watch that spelling be on 00:08:40
ESPN every year there's a lot of goddamn words
out there we ain't using use one of them [ __ ] 00:08:44
once in a while there's so many words of s dick
there right now [Applause] unused cuz I'm the 00:08:52
only white person in my house I hear the N word
every day room to room just D I still can't say00:08:59
it and I'm paying the goddamn00:09:04
mortgage that's just the00:09:08
rules yo that'd be crazy if black
people change the rules one day just 00:09:16
black people come out all right
we don't give a [ __ ] you can 00:09:19
say it now you have white guys
walking around hear the [Music]00:09:25
news yeah yeah black people said we're
allowed to say the nword we're clear 00:09:30
we're good we're allowed to say it
are you [ __ ] [ __ ] me right now 00:09:36
no we're approved we're allow we can
say it we say it Fu that you say it00:09:42
first I ain't going to lie though
sometimes that me and my wife 00:09:48
are having sex she calls me the N
word it makes me feel good it does00:09:52
man he's sitting there like what
the [ __ ] you say I'll be in the 00:09:59
bathroom after the words flexing up what the00:10:01
[ __ ] be calling on my friends
up you ain't going to leave what 00:10:08
the [ __ ] my wife called me what she
call you can't tell you but she said00:10:15
it who else is messing up as a comedian
Monique oh Monique keeps messing up man 00:10:23
and I like Monique a lot man but godd damn Mo
she's going after everybody you know and she 00:10:27
went after Steve Steve Harvey tried to help
out you know on his show and then the next 00:10:31
day she's throwing Steve Harvey under the bus
I knew Monique went too far when she started 00:10:36
going after Oprah I was like ooh some [ __ ]
you got to keep to yourself man you can't go 00:10:41
after Oprah Oprah starts making phone calls you
ain't working no more bottom line you know cuz 00:10:46
here's the thing about the entertainment
business man when when you ain't in movies 00:10:49
like you think or TV shows like you think your
brain starts playing tricks on you you start 00:10:53
thinking there's a conspiracy against me you
know people don't like me anymore when it's 00:10:57
really not the case cuz you never know when your
name's coming up behind closed doors for a movie 00:11:01
or a TV show like so when Monique went after
Oprah I said God Mo don't do that because you 00:11:06
know Oprah's got her own TV Network producing
four or five movies a year Mo'Nique didn't 00:11:10
know what Oprah had coming up Oprah and I been
getting ready to do the color purple too sely 00:11:14
had a [Applause] baby she was going to bring
him Monique for sely had a [Applause] baby00:11:35
but I was just I was just looking at like I was
looking at all the people Monique start going 00:11:38
after so was so it's so it's Tyler Perry Lee
Daniels Steve Harvey oppra Winfrey you know uh 00:11:45
then she went she know she went after my my buddy
will Packer the same guy that put me in Ride Along 00:11:49
Think Like a Man is the exact same guy that put
Monique in that Christmas movie few years ago and 00:11:53
Monique tried to get be will Packer movie producer
to Harvey Weinstein movie producer and I thought 00:11:58
that's was a little too far so I went on my
Instagram page and I did a video directed towards 00:12:02
Mo'Nique right now I never called Monique at her
name on like that I said listen Mo when you got a 00:12:07
lot of different problems with a lot of different
people for a lot of different reasons it might be 00:12:11
you you know and I'm not stupid I knew when I did
the video I knew I was going to get some backlash 00:12:18
right what I didn't know I didn't know there was
this thing out there called black Twitter I didn't 00:12:23
know what the [ __ ] black Twitter was right
all a sudden I do this video towards Mo'Nique 00:12:28
and Dam black Twitter's real and they was in my
ass for 3 days straight if you don't know what 00:12:36
black Twitter is if you say anything on social
media that black Twitter de is disrespectful to 00:12:40
black people or a black person they come after
you and I don't know how many people are on 00:12:45
black Twitter I don't know if they have an office
building with cubicles or it's a group text that 00:12:49
goes out I don't know alls I know is I do this
video towards Mo'Nique and for the next three 00:12:55
days every time I got on Twitter it was over 100
mentions of my name and it was just black Twitter 00:13:00
down the line coming after me and everybody was
kind of saying the same thing just in their own 00:13:05
way you know staying your line this don't concern
you leave black [ __ ] to black people somebody 00:13:14
went news flash dot dot dot you ain't black
I was like damn wo [ __ ] dropping knowledge00:13:24
today00:13:29
[ __ ] the dot dot dot [ __ ] me up a little
bit I go Dan did I just get a dramatic00:13:37
pause but listen listen I I give I give
respect to respect is due man some some 00:13:47
people on black Twitter hit me with some good
ass put Downs I mean there was some go ones I 00:13:51
was look look at my phone like Oho that [ __ ]
got me on that one a good one right there show 00:13:54
my friends look at that [ __ ] call me I think
I think my favorite put down from Twitter when 00:14:00
somebody said stay in your line white cracker
bread I was like God damn that is the whitest 00:14:08
[ __ ] I've ever been called in my life white
cracker bread holy [ __ ] that's white how do 00:14:15
you combine two separate white put downs and
make it one white cracker bread that's so00:14:23
white I a even get mad when I I saw it I
just got thirsty holy [ __ ] that's a dry 00:14:33
ass put down at least put some milk on
that [ __ ] white cracker bread it's so00:14:40
white [ __ ] every time I go to Starbucks I make
him write that [ __ ] on my cup you know how you 00:14:48
doing can I get a latte what's the name white
cracker bread and I make them say like they 00:14:54
mean it I got latte for white cracker bed mm- say
it like I said it white cracker bread appreciate 00:15:03
thank you have a good [Applause] day [ __ ] I
didn't know what stay your lane man I didn't know 00:15:12
what that meant I had to call one of my friends
I said hey man somebody on black Twitter told me 00:15:15
stay in my Lane what exactly does that mean I
guess there's a White Lane and a black Lane on 00:15:21
Twitter and you're not supposed to cross the lanes
that's stupid like if somebody gonna tell me stay 00:15:28
in my Lane I've been thinking have you been to my
house I'm like the only white person in my house 00:15:33
by the way like like my wife's there she's black
her mom lives with us she's black we got our kids 00:15:38
they're mixed they're my oldest son and even of
mine it's my stepson he's full black and I sent 00:15:45
him to college all four years I pay for everything
room tuition board all that [ __ ] so basically 00:15:51
I sent a black kid to college that wasn't
mine and you going to tell me stay in my Lane00:16:02
like [ __ ] I'm in my Lane [ __ ] how
many black kids you send to college black00:16:11
Twitter you can suck my white cracker bread
[Applause] dick it's a full loaf ho call it00:16:24
Wonder white cra reca bre got say too I be
watching a lot of like uh I be watching a 00:16:34
lot of [ __ ] on my phone and iPad let me ask
you this why is it every day I get on my phone 00:16:41
or my iPad it seems like at some point during
the day I'm G see somebody getting their ass 00:16:45
kicked every day like I be wondering how do
people got their phones out at the exact time 00:16:49
people be getting knocked out you know cuz I I
honestly I never see people get knocked out in 00:16:53
real life and I'm happy about that I must be
hanging out in the right areas I'm good with 00:16:56
that you know cuz you know every time I see
some get knocked down on the internet first 00:17:01
thing that goes to my brain is uh hope that
dude ain't got no kids especially when it's a 00:17:05
dude I hope that dude ain't got no kids man I
mean honestly can you imagine being a dad and 00:17:10
you get knocked out and somebody films it and
that [ __ ] goes viral your kids ain't listen 00:17:15
you no more what the hell you going to tell
your son hey be home at 9:00 oh you awake now00:17:20
dad but I tell you watching all these people
get knocked on the internet it opened my eyes 00:17:30
to [ __ ] it opened my eyes to how easy it is
to get knocked out and it's helped me man like 00:17:34
I don't get I don't get in fights at all I don't
get in arguments I will walk run skip hide duck 00:17:39
there's nothing you can say to me make want to
fight you nothing you know even when I go with 00:17:43
my guys man I got you know I got my guys that
open up for me and then my road manager Brad 00:17:47
every time we go out you know before we hit a club
or something they be asking me hey Gary man [ __ ] 00:17:50
pops off now you got our back I was like I don't
no no I don't better find the exit run I'm out man 00:17:56
[ __ ] walk away walk away I it's and every time
I like go to City man I always be getting messages 00:18:03
with people like hey man you need a bodyguard
when you in town need security and every time 00:18:06
I go to these people's Pages all these big swole
muscle bound [ __ ] trying to be my bodyguards 00:18:10
you know let me tell you something if I ever get
to a point where I feel like I need a bodyguard 00:18:15
just go out and hang out I ain't hiring some big
swole [ __ ] no you want to be my bodyguard I'm 00:18:20
ask you one question how fast are you you got to
be faster than me cuz the [ __ ] pops off you got 00:18:25
to be at the car for I am you know I can't be
over here waiting on your swole ass come on man 00:18:30
shooting come on man shooting all right Gary
here it [Applause] come honestly all all the 00:18:47
years I've been doing a stand up over 20 years
right there's only been one time in my entire 00:18:52
comedy career where I felt like I was going to
get my ass C after a show I almost did I'll never 00:18:56
forget it was just a couple years ago I was in
Detroit Michigan it was after my show we had a 00:19:00
little Afterparty and I don't know what this dude
thought I said to him and I didn't say nothing to 00:19:04
him but he had me H up against the wall and I
had knowwhere to go and I was like [ __ ] I'm G 00:19:08
get out of this [ __ ] right this how I got out
of the fight all I did was I put my hands up I 00:19:12
sto making eye contact with a dude and I just
started agreeing with him whatever he said I 00:19:16
just went with it you know he's like hey man I'm
about to beat your ass I like yeah you probably00:19:21
will hey man you acting like you
scared right now ain't nobody acting00:19:36
man what the [ __ ] is you looking at not you
bro but I got out of it right so the fight 00:19:42
didn't happen but I back down I did I be first
man I back down so the next morning I'm in my 00:19:46
hotel room right it's about 9:00 a.m. my road
manager Brad comes in my room he's like Gary 00:19:51
what happened last night I was like no man that
dude try to start fight me I told you I ain't 00:19:54
fighting nobody he goes um G can I be honest
with you right now I said y what's up he goes 00:19:58
you uh you kind of look like a [ __ ] last night
I said what do you mean I look like a [ __ ] he 00:20:03
goes I'm just saying man you back down in front
of everybody you kind of look like a [ __ ] I said 00:20:07
well who exactly did I look like a [ __ ] to he
goes everybody was in that club I go well who's 00:20:11
in the club he goes I don't know I go exactly
I don't give a [ __ ] about some strange [ __ ] 00:20:16
I'm leaving in 3 hours [ __ ] now now my flight
left Detroit at noon at 400 p.m. I was saveing 00:20:24
sound back in my own house I was no longer state
of Michigan I was no longer C the Detroit that's 00:20:29
when I got on my Instagram page I was like oh
[ __ ] Somebody almost got these hands last00:20:34
night they lucky I was feeling generous and
[ __ ] hasht doing what I do you know it's 00:20:50
funny too looking back looking back in my life I
was thinking like like I I joined the Navy like 00:20:54
right after high school and I was I was thinking
why did I join the Navy and I remember remember 00:20:58
I remember all the reasons because you know I
was a listen I was I was a broke kid living in 00:21:02
a trailer park in Southern Ohio the military
is looking at me like we can get that [ __ ] 00:21:06
right there you know cuz it was like my senior
high school there was about a week run where 00:21:13
every day I came from school there's a different
recruiter at my trailer trying to get me to sign 00:21:16
up you know and it just kept showing up you know
cuz I remember the marine guy showed up first the 00:21:21
marine recruiter and I remember he got out his
car in front of my trailer and I thought Marines 00:21:25
had the best uniforms when I saw him in that
uniform I said damn that a [ __ ] looks sweet 00:21:30
I told my mom I'm going join the Marines then
he walked in my trailer he's like Gary we are 00:21:36
the few the proud I go what's that mean he
goes when [ __ ] pops off we the first ones 00:21:41
in we the few I was like oo I rather be part of
the minute I'm good on that [ __ ] the hell you 00:21:47
trying to be first for [ __ ] pace yourself slow
down somebody trying to be first in the fight you 00:21:53
know what's popping off you the first one in the
fight [ __ ] who's second or third I'll joined 00:21:56
the third i a trying to join the first who's third
I'll join third I ain't trying join first I join00:22:01
third cuz I will listen I'll give it to
Marines they are better Americans than me 00:22:09
cuz you he stories about the Marines you
know they be in Iraq be in the desert you00:22:13
know be in story like like you be like
33 Marines will be in Iraq be in a desert 00:22:21
standing around and then grenade will drop in
the middle of them and one Marine will jump on 00:22:25
a grenade take the blow to save the other 32
Marines lives I'm like man if we in a desert 00:22:32
and there's 33 of us and a grenade drops in the
middle and I see it first either 33 people die 00:22:38
or 32 people die but if one's going to make it
it's going to be me [ __ ] o grenade God damn00:22:48
it [Applause] Chris00:23:00
Chris [ __ ] the army guy came to my
trailer he was lying the whole time 00:23:10
lying his ass off army army recruiter walked
in my trailer with a straight face and was 00:23:17
like Gary I heard you wrestle I heard you
in your high school wrestling team I said 00:23:21
yeah I wrestle he said you know if you
join the Army you can try for the Army 00:23:25
wrestling team and if you make it you just
wrestle the whole time you're in the army00:23:31
I said sir I am 3 and 30 right now I've won
three times and lost 30 I am literally the worst 00:23:38
wrestler in the state of Ohio as we speak I didn't
wrestle to wrestle either come to the trailer park 00:23:43
after school or I get hang out to wrestlers and
wrestle every now and then I [ __ ] it I just 00:23:47
wrestle I give a [ __ ] if I want a loss I used to
pin myself half the time you know cuz every time I 00:23:53
get ready to wrestle somebody I run on on the mat
I look across they be resend a Time Clock I go you 00:23:57
ain't going to need that this ain't going to take
that long you going to need that clock I've been 00:24:00
looking at guy about the rest this mother sweating
warming up smacking his leg got his headphones on 00:24:05
I you doing too much man this ain't that kind of
match this dude listening to NWA getting all fired 00:24:11
up this more of a kened g type wrestling match
this is smooth jazz we going get do this [ __ ]00:24:16
together and when I tell you my senior in
high school I won three times and lost 30 00:24:24
I didn't beat three different people I beat
the same [ __ ] three times one dude he was 00:24:29
trying to lose too cuz the first time I saw
him wrestle I go oh this [ __ ] trying to 00:24:33
lose my coach like how can you tell cuz I try
to lose coach I can tell when a [ __ ] trying 00:24:37
to lose I met a first time out wrestling we was
both trying to lose at one point we land on the 00:24:42
map right next to each other both trying to
pin ourselves oh [ __ ] you trying to lose00:24:47
[Applause]00:24:51
too sh honestly the Navy recruiter he
was just the most honest he Ain promised 00:24:59
me nothing but a flight out that's
all he promised me cuz the neighbor 00:25:02
cruiter walked in my trailer and looked
around and went I can get you out of this00:25:07
[ __ ] [ __ ] he just just put down my trailer
mother and then he ain't tell me what I was going 00:25:18
to do in the Navy or nothing I said what will my
job be I said what what will my job be he goes 00:25:23
what's the matter look where you at right now kid
you're right I'll go with you shut sh I remember 00:25:30
my first year in the Navy I made $24,000 for the
year I called my mom I said you ain't got to work 00:25:35
no more you're done mom I got you 24K baby I told
you I was going to do something with my life man I 00:25:48
remember my first check in the Navy was $512 I'll
never forget it man you lucky to was Instagram 00:25:54
back then I know look now haters get on my level
I got another one coming in 13 days can't stop 00:26:02
won't stop 512 every 2 [Applause] weeks used to
be like athletes and rappers had all the scandals 00:26:12
now it's like comedians we lead in the charge you
know you got you got Bill Cosby he's in jail you 00:26:16
know it seems like every year Kevin Hart's got
to go through something like like like this last 00:26:21
year was the Oscars like I I didn't like how the
Oscars did Kevin like how you going to ask that 00:26:25
man to host the Oscars and then the very next day
as to apologize for some Tweety sent out over 10 00:26:30
years ago that you should have known about before
he asked him to host the show anyways and plus he 00:26:35
was just [ __ ] with his boy there was nothing
malicious behind his tweets but all of a sudden 00:26:39
he did some gay tweets and now these people were
like Kevin Hart's a homophobe he's a homophobe 00:26:44
let me tell you something that dude is definitely
not a homophobe I know the guy 20 years done three 00:26:47
movies with them one movie was called ride along
and that movie I had number underwear and honey on 00:26:52
my chest that was my whole wardrobe you know and
Kev and Kevin you know Kevin had a lay of my chest 00:26:59
you know so when you see that movie that scene's
only like 2 3 minutes long but when we shot it it 00:27:05
took like 30 35 minutes to get that scene right
and to Kevin's credit he never left my chest he 00:27:10
stayed there all 35 minutes you know what kind
of homophobe is going to lay in a man's chest 00:27:15
for 35 minutes straight get the [ __ ] out of here
true professional committ it to the craft you know 00:27:23
but I I do remember we were shooting right along
right like every time before the director would 00:27:26
say action I had Kevin headlock and head be right
here I just start whispering to him just just 00:27:31
messing with his head right before we shoot the
scene I just be sitting there like I dreamed of00:27:35
this can you believe we here right now
look at God won't he do it Kev be so mad 00:27:47
G shut the [ __ ] up get on man shut up
dang Kev you strong like a little ninja00:27:54
turtle but it's crazy like like when cev had
to go through all this [ __ ] with the Oscars 00:28:01
it reminded me of shooting ride along with
them but it also reminded me how I got to 00:28:05
part Ride Along like out of all the films I've
done that was the most random movie I ever got 00:28:09
because literally I was at my house watching the
football game on TV and I get this text from this 00:28:14
producer will Packer he's like gee I'm getting
ready to do a movie Kevin Ice Cube I'mma bring 00:28:19
you in for an audition send me a picture with
your clothes off I was like what the [ __ ] so 00:28:25
I'm thinking Will's kid and he's [ __ ] it's
a joke so I text Will back naked or can't to 00:28:29
keep my shorts on we'll text back up to you
with the wink Emoji I like what the [ __ ] so 00:28:36
I called Kev on the phone I said Kev are you
getting ready to do move Cube he goes yeah we 00:28:40
start shooting this week in Atlanta I said oh so
this is a jet so I'm trying to get the partk so 00:28:45
I drop my [ __ ] I send a they can pick in right
now now I ain't take the pick immediately I mean 00:28:51
I prep my [ __ ] a little bit you know I got a
little blood got a little arch in it you know 00:28:57
I mean it wasn't here but about 60 65% you know
just in case my [ __ ] gets released right cuz I 00:29:05
remember I prepped my [ __ ] dropped my stuff
and I took like a a cath Morgan pose I was00:29:10
[Applause] like so i i s to pick the wheel I
could see on my phone that he open the pick 00:29:22
but he don't said nothing back so now I'm
like ah [ __ ] did I go too far right so 00:29:29
two days go by I still Ain heard from will
so now I'm thinking that I get catfish so 00:29:34
now I'm on the internet checking all these
websites making sure my [ __ ] ain't out 00:29:37
there you know I'm worried but I ain't super
worried cuz I prep my [ __ ] you know so cuz 00:29:44
if my [ __ ] got released I was going to
be like that's just regular yeah that's 00:29:48
just that's just me walking around that's just
every day me yeah I don't know who took that00:29:52
pick so then five days later will finally calls me
back he goes gee I got good news baby you got to 00:30:00
part I said got the part what he goes Ride Along I
said Oh Oh I thought you want me to come audition 00:30:05
for that movie he goes Gary I sent that exact
same text to five other actors you're the only 00:30:09
one that's sent in a butt naked pick I had to
give you the part you got to want a baby balls00:30:14
outDescription:
Watch Gary Owen: #DoinWhatIDo on Amazon Prime Video, Apple TV, Dish, DirecTV, Spectrum, Google Play and more! The album is available on SiriusXM, Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, Pandora and more! @garyowencom Watch FREE Comedy 24/7 on the Comedy Dynamics Channel! https://bit.ly/ComedyDynamicsTV Video: http://bit.ly/2x07RYu Audio: https://orcd.co/doinwhatido Listen to the Comedy Dynamics Daily podcast! https://bit.ly/3jx8HSD Follow Comedy Dynamics on social media! Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ComedyDynamics Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/ComedyDynamics TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/J1wucyQ/ Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/ComedyDynamics http://www.comedydynamics.com/
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