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Download "Что важно в сексуальных отношениях для женщин и мужчин"

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психология отношений
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психология
Виктория Юшкевич
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сексуальные отношения
как вернуть секс
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00:00:01
we’ll talk about what men and women
00:00:04
expect from sexual relationships, what we
00:00:07
like, what we don’t like, and how to make
00:00:09
this area of ​​relationships as
00:00:11
satisfying as possible for yourself, first of all.
00:00:14
And of course, for your
00:00:16
partner, since the most important thing in sex
00:00:18
is absence of tension and complete
00:00:22
relaxation, then let’s start with
00:00:24
what can relax men as much as possible.
00:00:27
And what can relax a woman, especially
00:00:30
if we are talking about the beginning of a relationship
00:00:32
when we still tend to be
00:00:34
wary and start women for women, the
00:00:38
most important thing is a sense of security,
00:00:40
safety for women includes
00:00:42
several points at once, this includes the understanding
00:00:44
that a man will not look for
00:00:46
any imperfections in her, that a man will not
00:00:48
hit her after intimacy, criticism like
00:00:50
oh the bras, your breasts seemed
00:00:53
bigger there, or you need to lose weight, yes, or
00:00:57
something they usually say, these
00:00:58
abusers in fact, or even if you do
00:01:02
n’t say anything but don’t praise her, then of
00:01:05
course don’t expect that she will
00:01:07
strive to continue intimacy with you, it’s
00:01:09
much easier for a woman to get aroused if
00:01:13
she’s comfortable in her own body. Yes, that’s why, of
00:01:15
course, my dear men, I
00:01:18
recommend you everything - still admire
00:01:20
your women. Let's please
00:01:22
understand even before the first intimacy that you do
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n't like everything about the second one. Safety
00:01:28
is also about reputation because
00:01:30
modern girls still find it difficult to be
00:01:33
unmarried and at the same time try to
00:01:35
behave sexually with someone because you
00:01:37
immediately start thinking oh Are they too
00:01:40
active or Oh, what will they think of me?
00:01:43
And the man, by the way, continues
00:01:45
to send us conflicting requests
00:01:46
because they want us to be
00:01:49
sex gurus and at the
00:01:53
same time modest and timid, so
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of course we need to give the woman a little
00:01:59
more confidence that you have a
00:02:02
serious relationship with her Because
00:02:03
safety for us is the understanding that a
00:02:05
man will not use us, of
00:02:08
course we don’t need to talk about marriage, but
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let the girl know that she is special
00:02:13
to you Yes, that you make her stand out from
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everyone else, that’s of course We’ll greatly
00:02:18
simplify the task for you and for her too,
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because when we are relaxed, of
00:02:24
course, we allow ourselves more, not in the sense of
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some kind of
00:02:28
liberation, even just
00:02:30
psychologically, we don’t clamp down and
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let these Magnificent orgasms in.
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And of course, Safety is the
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absence of risks of getting sick something that is
00:02:41
sexually transmitted, so of course it’s
00:02:43
great to protect yourself. And it’s even cooler
00:02:46
to get tested for all these
00:02:49
sexually transmitted infections before
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starting intimacy with a new
00:02:54
partner, to really make sex
00:02:56
more free and relaxed, it’s also
00:03:00
safety for us, and it’s an understanding that there
00:03:02
will be no unwanted pregnancy and
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social consequences and pregnancy.
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It is still a purely woman’s business to pass it on to a
00:03:08
man. We must understand
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that potentially any sex for a woman
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can result in pregnancy and then
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she will either have to have an abortion, putting
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her fragile reproductive function at
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risk and receiving psychological trauma,
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agree It’s still difficult to maintain a
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warm relationship with a person who
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sends you on board and is not ready for the
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helm of the father, or you will have to give birth to an
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unwanted child, that is, a woman in a
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more vulnerable situation. Well, of course,
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modern contraception today solves
00:03:39
this problem too. So, if
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unprotected sexual intercourse occurs and you do not if you want
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pregnancy to occur,
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try to take one tablet of the
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drug from the drops in the first 24 hours but
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no later than 72 hours after sex.
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This is especially important for teenage girls to know
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because Escapelle can be taken at 16
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years of age, and you never know at an earlier age.
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Contact your gynecologist for advice.
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But girls keep in mind that the use of
00:04:03
emergency contraception does not replace the
00:04:04
necessary precautions
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associated with protection against
00:04:08
sexually transmitted diseases; more
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detailed information about the drug in
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case you need it. Of course,
00:04:15
you can find it using the link that I will
00:04:17
leave in the description under this video.
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Now let's see what First of
00:04:21
all, it inhibits male sexuality.
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Oddly enough, this is a fear
00:04:26
of responsibility. There are girls who
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proudly tell a man that they are only ready
00:04:31
for a serious relationship. And they think that
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they look very strong and very
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decent. But I always want to
00:04:40
ask such girls. Just one thing, do you even
00:04:42
understand? how strange it is to tell a
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stranger that you want a serious relationship with him
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Why do some people have a template in their head that you need to
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immediately warn that I don’t
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know everything is more serious, that I’m
00:04:56
only interested in marriage and I definitely need children I
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recently wrote a girl in the comments
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and to my video about that that it’s not worth getting ahead of
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horses
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and pushing someone towards something,
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that it definitely doesn’t increase
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your importance, the girl still
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wrote in the comments that it’s not Well, you
00:05:16
definitely need to ask about the child
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Well, in general, look You probably
00:05:22
think that there is only sex Only
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or marriage Yes, you know only two types of such
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relationships, but about communication between people
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Probably you don’t know anything, yes, you don’t know, you don’t
00:05:33
know that people should
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first just communicate, just get to know each other,
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that only when you meet,
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it will be clear whether you like each other or
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not, yes and only with further communication
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will it be clear how much you like
00:05:47
each other and whether some kind of intimacy is possible in the future,
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and only then can
00:05:52
thoughts of living together and marriage arise.
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That is, everything happens gradually, you cannot
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set a course for marriage from the first message in an
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SMS somehow from the first date
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girls actually It’s
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just indecent to cling to unfamiliar
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men with your need to
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get married faster, you can’t
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start testing any passerby to see if
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he’s ready to
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marry you, if he’s ready to be a good father,
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in fact, this doesn’t make your image
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worthy and beautiful,
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okay, then let’s talk about the
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notorious male sexual instinct,
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admit it. Who thinks that men
00:06:32
even choose their partners
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solely because the penis jumps on her from
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his pants or doesn’t even
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psychologists, to be honest, shoot videos on YouTube
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about how we choose a
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partner for ourselves or how a man falls in love, they
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first of all talk about this
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instinct Well, seriously, girls.
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Stop thinking that men are driven
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exclusively by sexual impulses and he
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makes a decision Based on this, or
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even that this is exactly what motivates him, it
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immediately acts, so girls
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Stop thinking that men are driven
00:07:04
exclusively by sexual impulses and he
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seems to understand the decision based
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on this very thing. And what
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prompts him to action is precisely this
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impulse, no other, it’s
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really as if he has no reflection at all, no
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mental activity,
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no brain at all he does everything
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only at the level of instinct; in
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fact, when a man takes me from one
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partner to another, this is not some
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new sexual impulse that he
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cannot keep. This is simply a consequence of a
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crisis in a relationship when a man has
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long been ripe to leave this
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relationship and, accordingly, to search for
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new girls, while the wife either doesn’t
00:07:45
realize it, maybe he has some kind of
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defense mechanism that is triggered when she doesn’t
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want it, he notices Yes, he
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goes through one second third. In the
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end, the wife leaves and explains this by saying
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that here he is. Suddenly, it’s as if he
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met this new woman, especially if
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she is 10-15-20 years younger than him, and
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I, as a psychotherapist who has repeatedly
00:08:08
accompanied such men, have moments of
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crisis in a couple. I know that he already has
00:08:13
this overkill. The partner went on for
00:08:15
six months before he left
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family because, well, they talk to me about it,
00:08:20
they make attempts to
00:08:22
restore the relationship, but something doesn’t
00:08:26
work out. It doesn’t work out. In the end,
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the man leaves the family, and indeed,
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if you don’t know this component
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that he talks about in therapy, it could
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be someone with friends says yes,
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it really seems that he
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met some younger girl,
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his penis got hard and he left and he left
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his wife and children. By the way, as for
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unequal marriages when the girl is clearly
00:08:49
younger, this again is not about the sexual
00:08:51
impulse, it’s actually more about then
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to make sure that I’m not
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old yet, to make sure that I still have my
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whole life ahead of me, that someone needs me at all,
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and most of all the motivation in such
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marriages is a demonstration of power. So it’s
00:09:07
not just that men are driven by
00:09:10
sexual instinct. Okay, let’s
00:09:13
Another pressing issue, let's touch on male and
00:09:15
female sexuality, is an interest in
00:09:17
porn; besides, many girls are
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concerned that their man
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often watches porn, and even more so when he
00:09:25
doesn't touch them; I don't know, they go there for months,
00:09:28
hungry, but at the same time in the evening
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they catch him watching porn and then
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they write to me and ask Victoria, is it
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generally normal how to treat this?
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Yes, now we will clarify all this with you.
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So, the first sexological
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studies that were carried out by these
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very first sexologists Masters and
00:09:47
Johnson, by the way, they conducted all their
00:09:50
studies with sensors, and so they
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found that when watching porn, the
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physiological arousal itself in men and
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women is absolutely the same, that is, there is no
00:09:59
such thing as only men like
00:10:01
porn, everything and men and women
00:10:05
respond equally and experience the same arousal.
00:10:07
When they watch porn, but at the
00:10:11
same time men realize that they are
00:10:13
aroused and women they often believe that
00:10:16
they are not aroused, that is, in women, as
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it turned out, there may be this certain
00:10:22
consistency, that is, they can be
00:10:24
emotionally aroused and at the same time
00:10:26
physically not give any response
00:10:29
regarding porn addiction When
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can you already sound the alarm, so if a
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man watches porn every day and
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spend about two hours a day on it,
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then this is a disease. Yes, and then it is an
00:10:43
addiction. And then all his fantasies
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really go there; he
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develops an overly idealized
00:10:50
image of both his partner and himself, and then in
00:10:53
reality it becomes not very
00:10:54
interesting to do this. Well, because
00:10:56
real sex is more boring than in porn
00:10:59
the partner is not so sexy he is not so
00:11:01
macho
00:11:03
Okay now the next interesting thing is that there is
00:11:05
a lot of talk about when a
00:11:09
woman reaches her
00:11:12
peak sexuality, someone says that this
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comes immediately after pregnancy, but
00:11:17
on the contrary they say that pregnancy supposedly
00:11:19
complicates everything in fact, no,
00:11:21
really, after pregnancy,
00:11:22
sensitivity does not drop at all, it
00:11:24
increases. The only thing is that
00:11:26
if this needs to be looked at. What kind of family
00:11:30
system? If a woman is very
00:11:32
burdened during this period of a man and does
00:11:35
not help in any way, then of course what kind of sex
00:11:37
can we even talk about? Excuse me, of course.
00:11:39
But if, for example, a woman
00:11:42
is constantly in physical contact
00:11:44
with her children, then she is simply
00:11:47
all touched, and therefore when she
00:11:50
then lies down next to her husband, she
00:11:53
just really wants some kind of physical
00:11:55
distance because it is impossible when they
00:11:57
constantly touch you when they
00:11:59
constantly stick to you it’s just not
00:12:00
enough And therefore, of course, at this
00:12:03
moment he moves away. But usually this
00:12:06
only happens in couples where the husband does not
00:12:07
help the woman, where he does not try to
00:12:10
clear the household space for the
00:12:13
woman so that she can sleep, so that
00:12:14
she can rest, and then he
00:12:17
tells her you’re damn it. this means a log,
00:12:19
but by the way, we’ll also talk about this a little later.
00:12:22
So, about the peak of
00:12:25
female sexuality, there is an opinion that with age,
00:12:28
sexual activity decreases, that
00:12:30
after a certain age, sex seems to be of
00:12:32
no interest to anyone at all and
00:12:34
no one needs it, and sexuality itself,
00:12:37
of course, if we look at some
00:12:38
pictures that are trying to
00:12:41
show us some kind of sexuality,
00:12:42
of course, all these pictures they
00:12:44
convey sexuality as youth.
00:12:46
And if, for example, I now show
00:12:50
a picture where
00:12:52
older people kiss quite openly. By the way, what’s
00:12:55
interesting is that older people will say that
00:12:58
wow, they were able keep the romance
00:13:00
there, something like that And the younger people are,
00:13:03
the more they grimace and
00:13:05
say What disgusting Yes, but in
00:13:08
reality sex doesn’t go anywhere and in general This is
00:13:12
sexual receptivity,
00:13:15
when we talk about the peak of female
00:13:16
sexuality, it must be said that in 30
00:13:19
years It has not yet been reached in fact, the
00:13:22
peak of female sexuality as
00:13:25
you know, the response of sensuality. It is
00:13:27
about 40 or even more. Moreover,
00:13:30
when we talk about menopause, in
00:13:32
fact, most women in
00:13:35
self-descriptions say that the response
00:13:38
sensation is very age-related
00:13:41
Because when menopause happens after,
00:13:43
of course, some time of adjustment,
00:13:45
then it becomes much easier;
00:13:49
first of all, you are freed from the anxiety
00:13:50
of getting pregnant or not getting pregnant, and also
00:13:53
from some other anxieties. That is, you
00:13:56
actually become freer
00:13:58
psychologically, plus physiologically.
00:14:00
Answer Better with age, skill plus already
00:14:04
there is a certain uninhibitedness with age. So, the
00:14:07
peak of female sexuality
00:14:09
occurs much later than 30 or
00:14:12
even 40 years. The next interesting moment is
00:14:14
the first sexual intercourse with a new partner
00:14:16
because many women are still
00:14:18
very worried about when they
00:14:20
can let a man come to them so
00:14:22
close Yes, and not cheap, so to speak, and
00:14:26
even Recently I read someone’s very
00:14:28
sad post on the topic of what it
00:14:31
means for a woman to want sex until she has
00:14:35
received the required amount of
00:14:37
courtship. Well, no. It’s not about this and not about a
00:14:41
man’s investments, but about the fact that you should
00:14:44
be attractive to each other more than
00:14:47
just acquaintances,
00:14:49
the significance should grow and then the
00:14:51
physical rapprochement will be organic,
00:14:54
it will be desired on both sides, you shouldn’t
00:14:56
think that all men, again, this is a myth
00:14:59
Yes, some kind of that all men want sex, they
00:15:01
don’t know many women Yes no, after all,
00:15:04
men prefer to do this with those
00:15:07
whom they have already managed to get to know Yes, the goat is new
00:15:10
womanizers, they can have sex with a
00:15:14
stranger, but this does not mean that they do not
00:15:16
feel awkward from the fact that later
00:15:18
the girl will consider them her boyfriend, while
00:15:20
remaining at the same time in fact,
00:15:23
a stranger to him Yes, modern Time still
00:15:26
gives us the opportunity to begin sexual
00:15:28
activity before marriage and outside of marriage, however, we
00:15:31
still cannot neglect the fact that it
00:15:34
still remains important. You should not
00:15:37
be indifferent to who you go to
00:15:39
bed with. You must be confident in the fact that a
00:15:42
man is in love or is very passionate about
00:15:45
you, that for him you are not one of the units of
00:15:48
these female bodies
00:15:50
and of course, well, when the
00:15:52
eternal question, in fact, it doesn’t take much
00:15:54
time for this
00:15:56
love to appear. It can arise
00:15:58
very quickly or maybe not arises
00:16:01
after a month of communication, so the question:
00:16:03
What kind of date? It doesn’t make sense to go
00:16:06
on any date if he’s not in love, and on the
00:16:09
First it’s possible if you both fell in love, so to
00:16:11
speak, at first sight. Although, of course,
00:16:13
where’s the rush? And even if you
00:16:17
made a mistake in determining the level of sympathy for
00:16:20
you if it turns out that you just
00:16:23
thought there was some kind of love on his
00:16:24
part, but in fact the man is just a
00:16:26
charming womanizer or something else?
00:16:28
Yes, it’s not as scary as if you
00:16:31
know for sure that they indifferently let him come
00:16:34
so close to you. If you were mistaken in the feelings of a
00:16:38
man by at least you haven’t betrayed
00:16:40
yourself. If you deliberately go for
00:16:44
sex with those to whom you know that you are
00:16:46
indifferent. I’m even talking about the same
00:16:48
sex, you know,
00:16:50
and it lasts for years, that is, like when you
00:16:52
can have sex, they’ve known each other for five years,
00:16:54
but he just doesn’t go on weekends, so
00:16:56
if you go to bed with a man
00:16:59
knowing that he is indifferent to you,
00:17:03
why did you do this? Girls do this,
00:17:06
of course they are deceiving themselves that now I
00:17:09
will open up and he will definitely appreciate No, he won’t appreciate the
00:17:13
girls, he won’t appreciate you, you’re just betraying
00:17:16
yourself and letting the man know that you’re yours
00:17:18
hunger is much higher than your
00:17:21
demand as a result of such
00:17:23
dumping, you not only go downhill with
00:17:25
this man, but also your self-esteem also
00:17:28
reduces conflicts and sex, which is very
00:17:31
interesting that in couples who have good
00:17:35
sex, when conflicts begin, they are easier
00:17:37
to resolve or establish a couple because
00:17:39
they are based on good sex But in a
00:17:41
couple in which sex is destroyed or has
00:17:43
never been established well enough, when
00:17:46
conflicts also begin, then of course
00:17:49
everything is much more difficult to establish, that is,
00:17:52
sex life, no matter how funny it may
00:17:53
sound, but it is like the basis of
00:17:55
the relationship, it is clear that under With this base, it
00:17:58
would be nice to have good communication in a
00:18:01
couple and much more, but still, with
00:18:04
good sex, conflicts can be resolved,
00:18:07
and with bad sex, everything is much more complicated.
00:18:09
Okay, the next thing that is important in bed for
00:18:11
women is the setting, it’s clear that when
00:18:13
we just fell in love and we there are no children
00:18:16
suddenly running into the room
00:18:19
There are no chores around the house that tire a woman
00:18:22
So often any sexual impulses are completely switched off,
00:18:24
conflicts have not yet
00:18:28
accumulated so that of course we can
00:18:30
drink our blood Of course, it’s easier for us
00:18:33
to surrender to the flow when all this is not there And it’s
00:18:36
easier for us to ignite ourselves
00:18:38
men believe that a truly
00:18:41
sexy woman
00:18:43
can just always turn on sex without taking into account the circumstances, as if it’s
00:18:48
enough to just come up and whisper
00:18:50
something in your ear or light candles, she
00:18:52
immediately turns on, and if you can’t
00:18:54
turn on, are you tired of the burden? Isn’t it you
00:18:57
who cares or you generally live
00:18:58
in a situation of violence and insult and
00:19:01
humiliation and then these men say And for some reason
00:19:04
we have sex No, it’s about you since
00:19:06
you don’t turn on I lit candles here
00:19:09
or something I wanted Him
00:19:12
Majesty Come on, and not very good
00:19:15
husbands who devalue their wives,
00:19:18
especially when they are caught cheating,
00:19:21
they then say that you are a log, that
00:19:24
you never turn on, you don’t
00:19:25
get excited, and it’s all because
00:19:28
of you, and that’s exactly what a woman
00:19:31
comes to me for a consultation with,
00:19:32
imagine? and really says that it’s all because
00:19:34
of her, that after giving birth she had nothing to do
00:19:37
and that’s why this all
00:19:39
really happened. Of course not, any woman, even
00:19:42
without any without sexual functions.
00:19:44
Well, fatigue, depression,
00:19:49
distraction, there are children.
00:19:52
In general, one of the most conveniently
00:19:54
common factors is the
00:19:56
likelihood of children running in and what I
00:19:59
teach my clients, by the way, is to start by
00:20:01
simply locking the door to the spa. But
00:20:04
unfortunately, in our culture, learning to
00:20:06
lock the door in the bedroom is quite a
00:20:08
feat and I think that all mothers are great
00:20:10
they know this story when you
00:20:12
always seem to be listening with one ear in the
00:20:15
shower or you stand there half
00:20:17
asleep, you’re lying somewhere or when you wake up you
00:20:19
immediately double-check and then, of course,
00:20:22
talk about the fact that you
00:20:24
can relax and surrender to this at any moment. Well,
00:20:27
impossible of course
00:20:28
Let’s not talk about this Let’s not hide it, that’s why
00:20:31
some even the most responsive women
00:20:34
react to external restrictions, so to speak,
00:20:37
and in order to
00:20:39
re-adjust sexual life, we
00:20:41
start with the fact that we
00:20:43
first need to re-arrange the space around
00:20:46
the woman and the husband, of course, must
00:20:48
to help in this story to establish this
00:20:50
space okay, what else did I want to say? It’s important to
00:20:52
say that I promised it’s about the double
00:20:54
clamp, this is especially true for our
00:20:57
female sexuality; this is when they talk
00:20:59
about one thing and show something completely different,
00:21:01
or when there are certain messages and double
00:21:05
clamps in the upbringing of a woman, even in the
00:21:08
upbringing of modern ones, they are in the
00:21:11
next thing they tell us that if you don’t have
00:21:13
sexual fantasies If you are not
00:21:15
sexually uninhibited If you are there as they
00:21:19
say
00:21:20
Guria in bed and there is someone in the kitchen
00:21:24
who knows this slide Tell me Write
00:21:27
simply here and in short if you are not Here she is
00:21:31
Yes not Guria It’s in bed and not in
00:21:33
the kitchen who else is there that they tell you that
00:21:37
you’re just frigid And if you suddenly
00:21:39
start to be active then they tell you
00:21:42
that you’re promiscuous and thus the woman is
00:21:44
all the time Here in these two scissors
00:21:47
Is between the fact that with on the one hand,
00:21:48
a woman should be sexy all the time,
00:21:50
and on the other hand, she needs
00:21:52
to be somewhat restrained so as not to
00:21:55
seem like some kind of prostitute,
00:21:56
you understand, and it turns out that for a
00:21:58
woman this is quite difficult, but at the same
00:22:02
time, sexual fantasy
00:22:04
is, of course, both for women and For men, the only question
00:22:07
is how well the couple realizes them
00:22:09
and whether it is adequate, and it must be said right away that,
00:22:13
like nowhere else in the sexual sphere, people
00:22:16
differ very much in social strata.
00:22:18
Very much what an urban,
00:22:22
highly educated, economically
00:22:24
free group of people gives is one
00:22:26
attitude.
00:22:28
secondary vocational education or
00:22:30
working specialties second generation
00:22:33
from the village gender stereotypes
00:22:35
division of low financial status
00:22:37
This is a completely different level more
00:22:40
sophisticated urban class of course so this is
00:22:42
what this problem is
00:22:44
actually that we have been
00:22:47
living on the shift for a generation now When the mother of the second
00:22:50
group is also described a she already gave birth to a daughter in the
00:22:53
first group, that is, the mother still has a
00:22:55
secondary education with all these
00:22:57
myths taken from the village, and
00:23:00
she gave birth to her daughter in the city and already gave her an
00:23:02
education in general, everything in the world And
00:23:05
then the mother transmits her values ​​to her
00:23:07
daughter, but the daughter already lives completely in a
00:23:10
different social space And so she seems to find
00:23:13
herself in this internal
00:23:14
conflict, what is inside her, what little
00:23:17
has been said to her And what she sees and She
00:23:20
turns out to be so, you know,
00:23:22
frozen by her actions She is in such a
00:23:25
wild tension about what
00:23:29
femininity really is, what is sexuality and
00:23:32
so on And with this, of course, very
00:23:34
often they come to counseling, if
00:23:37
you also have some questions and
00:23:39
don’t know about yourself, the couple may have some
00:23:41
difficulties in general, then of course
00:23:44
I will be glad to see you on my online
00:23:45
consultations how to contact me and
00:23:49
sign up for my consultations
00:23:51
I will leave all contacts in the description under this
00:23:53
video also Come to my
00:23:55
marathon balance in relationships where you
00:23:58
get a whole month of feedback from
00:24:01
me in chats and 10 wonderful live broadcasts
00:24:04
that will really help you
00:24:05
deal with some crises, the
00:24:08
complexities of your relationship and
00:24:10
really improve your
00:24:13
relationship. I hope that this video
00:24:15
will help you a little too. And of course I will be
00:24:20
very grateful to you if you support
00:24:21
me with a like and of course most of all I
00:24:24
love it when you write your comments
00:24:25
Because so I understand more what you
00:24:28
expect from me than what you agree with what you
00:24:30
disagree with what requests you may have, maybe
00:24:33
you have some questions, yes, therefore
00:24:35
Be sure to write everything in the comments I
00:24:37
read everything and I say goodbye to you with this Until we
00:24:40
meet again bye

Description:

Запись ко мне на консультацию в телеграмм: https://tlgg.ru/VikaYushkevich Мой марафон "Баланс в отношениях": https://hotpsychologies.ru/ Что мужчины и женщины ожидают от сексуальных отношений, что нам нравится, что не нравится и как сделать эту сферу отношений максимально удовлетворительной для себя и своего партнера.

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