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0:00

Начало

7:30

Чат на 23 февраля

16:51

Торговый центр

23:27

Дед – шантажист

30:57

Жена рожает

38:20

Арамчик не виноват

46:27

Песня "Трамп"

49:35

Детский вопрос

55:57

Солдатский челлендж

1:08:50

Финальная песня

Азбука Уральских Пельменей - Э — Уральские Пельмени

Азбука Уральских Пельменей - Э — Уральские Пельмени

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

Похищение невесты - Уральские Пельмени | ЭКСКЛЮЗИВ

Похищение невесты - Уральские Пельмени | ЭКСКЛЮЗИВ

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

Две Бабки Новогоднее Обращение - Уральские Пельмени | ЭКСКЛЮЗИВ

Две Бабки Новогоднее Обращение - Уральские Пельмени | ЭКСКЛЮЗИВ

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

уральские пельмени

Мятый элемент

премьера

новый выпуск

шоу на стс

уральские пельмени смехбук

шоу уральские пельмени

уральские пельмени новое

уральские пельмени 2021

Чат на 23 февраля

Торговый центр

Жена рожает

Арамчик не виноват

Солдатский челлендж

стс медиа

андрей рожков

юлия михалкова

илана юрьева

роман постовалов

уральские пельмени лучшее

00:00:27

[music]

00:01:07

[applause]

00:01:09

[music]

00:01:17

Good evening friends Hello Hello

00:01:25

wait a minute I don’t believe that this is your

00:01:27

maximum Let’s get together and give it our

00:01:29

all let’s go

00:01:34

super Well friends since everyone is ready

00:01:38

then I have a special one for you

00:01:40

the phrase with which we begin almost

00:01:42

every concert of ours, dear friends, We are

00:01:44

glad to welcome you to our new

00:01:46

men’s concert called mint

00:01:49

[applause] by

00:01:57

men about men and for men

00:02:02

[applause]

00:02:08

It’s clear whether it will work out, of course it will

00:02:12

just work out of your head, you say that there is and that’s all

00:02:21

Hello Moscow the capital of our country

00:02:26

Thank you

00:02:29

concert What is a concert

00:02:33

con is the beginning of the end

00:02:37

with this is a vitamin it’s useful And if there are two

00:02:43

vitamins then it’s a tsetse fly

00:02:46

it’s not useful so we don’t have

00:02:49

a concept

00:02:51

but a concert Dmitry Vladimirovich everyone is

00:02:55

already panicking Everything is ready

00:02:57

there is still ready to panic Then go

00:02:59

enjoy yourself calmly and that's it

00:03:01

So And now the most interesting thing that can

00:03:05

happen in our concert, of course it

00:03:07

will be

00:03:09

thank you thank you

00:03:13

dear friends thank you

00:03:14

[applause]

00:03:18

How can it not work out,

00:03:22

all the women are panicking

00:03:48

[music]

00:03:50

what Seryoga I just came to say that

00:03:53

I really like everything

00:03:54

Seryoga's class go

00:03:57

listen It would be cool to

00:03:59

do a dance like this

00:04:03

[music]

00:04:04

[applause] it’s cool

00:04:09

but it’s also cool to dance it behind

00:04:13

the scenes

00:04:16

[applause]

00:04:21

what is it And this is what’s in my head,

00:04:27

dear friends

00:04:29

Dimka Listen, haven’t you heard Who

00:04:32

sang here? such a beautiful melody

00:04:42

[applause]

00:04:46

damn I can come with you

00:04:53

[applause]

00:05:07

Come on

00:05:08

[applause]

00:05:15

with the words

00:05:16

[music] [

00:05:23

applause]

00:05:26

[music] [music] [applause

00:05:45

] [music

00:05:52

]

00:06:00

[applause]

00:06:03

[music] [

00:06:25

music]

00:06:32

[applause]

00:06:36

[music]

00:06:38

ridiculous

00:06:43

[applause]

00:06:50

[music]

00:07:13

and they quit for us on March 8, they quit for us on March 8,

00:07:16

on March 7

00:07:20

[music]

00:07:30

Well, what are we going to give

00:07:33

our men on February 23?

00:07:37

And how many of them do we have at our

00:07:41

plant? in Ivanovo there are two

00:07:46

and how many women we have and we have 6000 women

00:07:51

And what did you give us last year on

00:07:54

February 23rd we gave them six thousand

00:08:04

they gave us on March 8th they quit on March 8th on March

00:08:08

7th

00:08:11

Yeah and on March 9th they got a job again

00:08:15

every year they do this

00:08:20

for work March 9

00:08:23

somehow they don’t hire one director second deputy

00:08:30

So tell me the year before last what they were

00:08:32

given the year before and they were given foam and

00:08:34

socks

00:08:36

and that one store opened foam

00:08:41

and the second began supplying socks under a

00:08:43

government contract to the army

00:08:46

No We won’t be giving this to them, after

00:08:48

all, it’s a holiday, they’re purchasing goods,

00:08:53

factory chat, we’ll write there all our

00:08:56

girls hello

00:09:00

[music]

00:09:14

[applause]

00:09:17

girls, you don’t have to say hello

00:09:20

[music]

00:09:27

we have to wait,

00:09:31

where will we set the table for February 23rd, I

00:09:35

suggest on cover the bank of the Klyazma

00:09:38

from the source to the place where the Klyazma

00:09:40

flows into the Oka, it turns out 628 kilometers,

00:09:44

just the whole women’s team

00:09:47

will sit down. Yes, great, and the men will be seated at the edges of

00:09:51

the table

00:09:54

so that they open the bottle, they do

00:09:57

n’t need to open the bottles last time

00:10:00

when they opened the bottles in May

00:10:02

began

00:10:07

we’ll do this, so we’ll just take it

00:10:10

and order a tank of

00:10:13

wine and a hose over the table.

00:10:18

And there the table will pass through the swamp through the

00:10:24

accounting department

00:10:28

[music]

00:10:36

then we’ll celebrate in the conference hall, 12

00:10:40

visits of 500 people each,

00:10:42

so the men can’t stand it. Well, we’ll call an ambulance. They’ll

00:10:45

dig up Pusik between visits,

00:10:49

yes And we need to hide them before the dance,

00:10:52

on the contrary. We need to make sure that they don’t

00:10:55

hide before the dance

00:10:57

because there will be a fight and there won’t be any prizes

00:11:00

in Ivanovo. We still need to fight for maternity leave,

00:11:06

what’s in the chat

00:11:08

[music]

00:11:23

we still need to wait

00:11:27

until we give them the products of our

00:11:29

plant Galechka We We produce women's

00:11:31

tights We can lose our men

00:11:35

How to lose I don't understand something, I didn't

00:11:38

understand Well, how will they remain employees? How

00:11:41

can we lose them men?

00:11:43

Let's see what's in the chat Let's

00:11:46

see

00:11:50

[music]

00:11:53

girls are thinking about what to give to men on

00:11:55

February 23 Yes proposal

00:12:06

and besides the foam Socks

00:12:17

I didn’t understand that you came out or something. Is there

00:12:19

anyone

00:12:25

[applause]

00:12:28

Listen, I asked the men what they

00:12:31

needed, they sent me a voicemail, now

00:12:33

I’ll turn it on,

00:12:34

where can I speak, can I hear me,

00:12:38

who am I going to ask? one thing that this

00:12:42

thing is not One time, but I found the

00:12:46

record button, I press

00:12:52

that’s all No, another message from him

00:12:55

here Well, in general, this is necessary if it’s not

00:12:59

difficult

00:13:01

Now that’s it

00:13:04

But donate brains to this one

00:13:06

But we ourselves have tension with this

00:13:14

about someone- then I sent a voicemail I see the

00:13:18

girls

00:13:19

give our men a gift, it doesn’t matter to them

00:13:21

Let’s give them our smiles, our

00:13:25

warmth Because if they

00:13:27

feel our care, they will be

00:13:29

happy any day and not just February 23

00:13:39

Listen, maybe the creature is right

00:13:41

Maybe there’s no need to give anything, let’s turn it on here

00:13:44

this recording And that's all Next fight

00:13:49

don't give anything Well, even the trick of our

00:13:52

men is

00:13:54

one more voice Let's listen and

00:13:58

girls this is Antonina Vasilyevna,

00:14:01

it’s hard for me to write I’m 94 years old I’ll say it in a voice

00:14:05

You’ve already discussed the seating arrangement I

00:14:09

need to be put on the

00:14:11

man’s lap or else it will blow from the river and I

00:14:15

need to sit on Teploye

00:14:18

Antonina Vasilievna age is not an

00:14:21

advantage at our plant

00:14:23

win in a fair drunken fight

00:14:26

you will sit on anyone’s lap

00:14:30

Let’s listen to the second man, he also

00:14:33

recorded his voice

00:14:35

Hello girls, but I didn’t know, but give

00:14:38

me some kind of parole

00:14:42

you can do something yourself, dishes there or

00:14:44

bedding pink Well, decide for yourself, but

00:14:46

all smack-smack,

00:14:51

but with this it’s clear we’ll

00:14:53

give this plant’s products

00:14:56

What to hit first, what to give to the first, and

00:15:00

we already gave the first a gift, as

00:15:02

it turned out, we’ll put mine away from the second

00:15:04

on the other end became for 628

00:15:07

kilometers,

00:15:08

for them this is not a distance; they will

00:15:11

get there through this pipe in a minute using a hose.

00:15:14

2 grandmas will be planted with the woman Tonya, she’s tenacious;

00:15:19

his tailbone is like a fishhook;

00:15:21

you can remove it; it won’t be possible to remove it; we’ll get rid of him;

00:15:24

we’ll get rid of the grandma.

00:15:27

Well, it seems like everyone has decided.

00:15:30

It’s a pity only the team didn’t take part

00:15:32

in the discussion, we’ll do nothing now Girls,

00:15:36

who’s carrying what salad

00:15:40

[music]

00:15:43

Well, the whole team is busy until February 23

00:15:48

So what, as the last

00:15:52

man, we’ll share the organizing committee And we’ll find out now Happy

00:15:58

upcoming holiday to you Galina Vasilyevna And happy

00:16:02

holiday to you Alevtina Fedorovna

00:16:09

[applause]

00:16:13

[ music] [applause]

00:16:15

[music]

00:16:21

[applause]

00:16:23

[music]

00:16:31

Until what time the shopping center is open I don’t

00:16:34

know

00:16:36

our shopping center is open until 25 00

00:16:41

[music]

00:16:51

if in a cosmetics store you

00:16:54

shout loudly Why did you take this [ __ ], it’s taking so

00:17:02

long to turn around, this whole thing Listen Until as long as the

00:17:06

shopping center is open, you don’t know,

00:17:10

our shopping center is open until 25 00

00:17:16

Now you would go fishing, of course, yes, you would go

00:17:20

fishing Now you were sitting like that, you were

00:17:24

like a worm, we baited it like that

00:17:27

and threw it in and you wait and wait, consider that

00:17:32

you would also sit only with fishing rods

00:17:37

[music]

00:17:47

and I have something like this that pecks

00:17:50

Show me

00:17:53

a rudd

00:17:55

And I have one like this that pecked oh well

00:17:58

look so

00:18:00

not like this

00:18:04

theater to go for applause

00:18:08

And while I was hunting, look, I killed a leopard,

00:18:13

look class

00:18:17

I know that I caught a crocodile in the process

00:18:21

And I already processed it

00:18:23

and I

00:18:25

What the hell

00:18:28

and I

00:18:30

pulled out the whole web from the spider.

00:18:34

I see, but I caught a dinosaur that was

00:18:39

broken

00:18:42

at 2,800, a terrible infection,

00:18:46

and now what do you use to catch now at 5,000 you

00:18:49

take large fish, I hope that no, I hook you,

00:19:09

keep it.

00:19:12

So where else did I want to go and also Although I

00:19:16

definitely wanted to go to that store,

00:19:23

no, there’s a bare hook, the depth is

00:19:29

3,700, please, I said the depth is 3,700,

00:19:33

now I’ll bait fine.

00:19:45

Yes, I was thinking about something about fish,

00:19:49

Dim. Well, what am I showing you? You’re not looking,

00:19:52

but you’re thinking about my fish.

00:19:57

Listen, well. hair color doesn't suit Okay,

00:20:01

I won't take it then

00:20:02

naturally I fell for it, I was hoping to

00:20:07

try it too, it does

00:20:12

n't suit me,

00:20:16

I'll go to a beauty salon, I'll repaint my hair to a

00:20:19

cosmetologist, I'll go again, that means

00:20:21

[laughter]

00:20:27

[applause]

00:20:31

I ate all the bait,

00:20:45

who doesn't suit me again

00:20:48

Well, in general, I'm trying to look

00:20:51

beautiful so that everyone will look at you and

00:20:53

envy you How beautiful you are So give

00:20:57

me so

00:20:59

much

00:21:01

we choose that Dima I try to make

00:21:06

the world around us all beautiful so that you

00:21:09

people admire the beauty And you are an

00:21:12

egoist

00:21:14

Wow You have a sinker

00:21:18

I have a bite at all It’s so bad that

00:21:22

it bites my

00:21:24

brain

00:21:30

more and more I don’t want anything anymore I don’t

00:21:33

want I don’t want I think

00:21:35

my Lyudochka is broken

00:21:39

And now will you take a new one no now

00:21:42

it’s perfect I’ll

00:21:45

help You don’t need it I’m

00:21:50

lucky you pulled it out myself

00:21:54

Yes that’s a rarity now

00:21:58

dear I bought you a fishing rod And I you got a

00:22:03

tent for me, a fishing rod Well, yes, you

00:22:07

came for a gift on February 23rd

00:22:18

Thank you dear But I just took you a fishing rod on

00:22:22

credit I didn’t have enough money

00:22:24

mortgage

00:22:31

[applause] [music] [applause

00:22:37

]

00:22:40

[music]

00:22:54

[music]

00:23:05

Listen, let’s

00:23:07

take him to Thailand, we took him

00:23:11

But they don’t let you go there to Thailand for an hour I

00:23:14

thought it was a woman

00:23:17

[music]

00:23:27

as soon as the family got ready to fly to

00:23:30

Turkey without their grandfather, my grandfather immediately decided that he would

00:23:33

die soon

00:23:36

[music]

00:23:44

why are you starting again And dad Oh I

00:23:48

’ll die I

00:23:51

’ll try soon

00:23:53

Yes enough nonsense to say

00:23:59

just this with your keys, close

00:24:02

the door so as not to cut it out later

00:24:12

you are going, I don’t bother you, only

00:24:16

mirrors, curtains with sheets so that it’s like

00:24:19

people have,

00:24:20

and this

00:24:22

and a tag on my leg for money so that I don’t

00:24:25

lie there unidentified with them.

00:24:33

What’s your name, dad?

00:24:39

what did you take? Actually, the grandmother came

00:24:43

to her place at night and called her

00:24:45

like that. That's right. Because at night you need to

00:24:47

sleep in your bed, they are where the

00:24:50

drunk guy stumbled at night

00:24:54

[music]

00:25:10

wait, so there are two words in total, and

00:25:13

one of them can’t be read in front of your son, you can’t

00:25:17

count 2 you

00:25:23

[applause ] I

00:25:31

won’t rewrite anything,

00:25:39

but don’t go, new pin code from the card, come in,

00:25:43

I have all the money

00:25:49

four

00:25:58

two two

00:26:14

Of course, now we’ll definitely leave without you,

00:26:17

we have all the numbers, pin codes are

00:26:19

numbers, you have order, no

00:26:30

why

00:26:32

I’ll sell this

00:26:41

without calling a realtor, I won’t find it,

00:26:45

so they’ll wait, it’s like traveling around Turkey without a grandfather.

00:26:48

Listen, let’s take it, we

00:26:52

took it to

00:26:54

Thailand. But they don’t let you into Thailand for an hour. I

00:26:57

thought it was the woman who

00:27:03

understood everything; you managed to manage all the family

00:27:05

money on the first evening where- then what to do

00:27:06

The mistake came out I was thinking

00:27:19

in my underpants

00:27:46

Well, okay dad Say what you want

00:27:49

When you come every evening you will be with

00:27:53

me my favorite series watch

00:27:56

chicken broken bullfinches good

00:28:18

to hell only newspaper Labor

00:28:22

Why Because patience and work

00:28:27

we understood

00:28:29

the most important thing but by minibuses and mine

00:28:33

everyone laughed in chorus, okay,

00:28:36

and to Turkey, take me, well done

00:28:42

[music]

00:28:53

grandson, what should you do? You’ll still have work at school;

00:28:57

no, we’ll make

00:29:01

a stool. Why, well, we have

00:29:05

one; I need a second one so that I can

00:29:07

lie on top of you in the kitchen on two stools

00:29:11

offended

00:29:12

parents Well, how come they

00:29:16

named me taller than me after my grandfather, I

00:29:20

spent my entire childhood with him

00:29:22

while you were at work there on your own yes And

00:29:25

why did adults decide that we do

00:29:27

n’t need anything other than the Internet of social networks the

00:29:29

mouse is actually not like that I’m not That's

00:29:32

all Grandfather, I'm staying with you

00:29:38

[music] I'm

00:29:40

not going anywhere

00:29:51

[applause]

00:29:53

[music]

00:29:55

Why

00:29:57

[music]

00:30:09

[applause]

00:30:12

[music]

00:30:20

[applause]

00:30:22

[music]

00:30:31

[music]

00:30:36

they need to be changed every 30 minutes

00:30:41

Half an hour has passed, it's time for me

00:30:47

[music] ]

00:30:57

because of the pandemic, one woman from

00:31:00

Alapaevsk gave birth remotely

00:31:03

[applause]

00:31:07

Yes, yes,

00:31:11

you haven’t given birth yet, I understand Everything,

00:31:14

quickly, yes, everyone, come on, hello,

00:31:17

so stop, we can’t do without a mask, listen, there’s

00:31:21

no one, That there’s no one there Look,

00:31:24

look at the doors drawn for you for the

00:31:26

wild ones Yes Listen, I’ll come in now quickly,

00:31:28

I’ll take a picture of no one is still giving birth

00:31:30

seriously Well, damn, congratulations No, that’s

00:31:33

actually cool bro Well, you can’t do without a mask,

00:31:35

you understand

00:31:40

[music]

00:31:42

No, you can’t, you need a mask, you see

00:31:49

in the pharmacy

00:31:56

in 20 seconds there will be 4 riot

00:31:59

police room on all four corners

00:32:02

you will spread out

00:32:05

quickly press there in front of the pharmacy

00:32:09

[music]

00:32:13

Hello aspirin paint on

00:32:17

medical masks of the East 50 pieces each everything you

00:32:20

have is here

00:32:23

you don’t have everything you have What you don’t don’t have you

00:32:31

need them every 30 minutes me

00:32:42

ok then this give me 50

00:32:46

masks,

00:32:48

we don’t serve customers without a mask,

00:33:04

so they only serve me

00:33:13

one mask, if you open the product in the

00:33:17

pharmacy, there will be theft.

00:33:19

What a beauty, I have money, I’ll pay for

00:33:22

everything, man, don’t spit

00:33:26

germs, you spread germs here, the pharmacy

00:33:30

here, sick people walk around

00:33:33

Give me a mask so that it doesn’t fly away from me,

00:33:36

don’t spit, I said it’s flying,

00:33:39

it’s a pity, listen, I need a mask Give me a

00:33:41

mask, please, my wife is giving birth.

00:33:43

Congratulations. Here’s a hematogen for you as a gift

00:33:45

from the pharmacy

00:33:50

[applause]

00:34:01

microflora alone won’t be bad for anyone,

00:34:03

everything’s like that, sell it to me like that,

00:34:06

sold it Everything Give me 50 swabs

00:34:10

and our terminal is stuck only on personal

00:34:16

now I’m going to quickly where did you go

00:34:19

man what Give back the mask this is actually a

00:34:22

pharmacy equipment

00:34:24

after me you will put on of course No I

00:34:28

won’t and my replacement will come

00:34:32

I’ll quickly

00:34:51

this is cool This Well, the Heir, well, you

00:34:54

understand. Let’s grow up to be a hero,

00:34:56

so that my mother can be healthy. Well, in general, all

00:34:59

the best, thank you for all this, I’ll take it off, no stop.

00:35:02

Where would you go without gloves?

00:35:05

What else are gloves needed or something? Of course, you didn’t

00:35:08

buy it right away at the pharmacy opposite, but

00:35:11

what are you without? gloves, I’m a security guard, I’m

00:35:13

not touching anything here,

00:35:16

bro. Well, let me quickly take off and

00:35:18

press everything. Listen, no need. Okay, let me

00:35:23

quickly,

00:35:26

Lord,

00:35:31

Hello, paint the aspirin.

00:35:36

And during the shift, they gave me my mask, please return it to

00:35:40

you, and

00:35:45

you have the gloves too there are only 100 pieces in a package

00:35:47

or something And everything that is here

00:35:49

is there Lord, what is your name Marina

00:35:52

Marinochka Or you can do it like this Marinochka,

00:35:58

look, she’s hiding a package of

00:36:01

disposable gloves while putting on the

00:36:02

gloves and then I’ll now open

00:36:05

the package of masks here, I’ll go to the ATM

00:36:08

opposite and withdraw some money and I’ll bring you you’ll

00:36:10

have money I’ll have the

00:36:11

long-awaited gloves Mask Let’s

00:36:13

do this and in a minute I’ll come in and

00:36:16

bring in the money And in a minute

00:36:18

it won’t work out

00:36:19

for us in a minute the processing itself we’re

00:36:22

closing Why did some freak

00:36:24

spit on the entire pharmacy

00:36:27

for now I’m...

00:36:36

I beg you quickly

00:36:42

[music]

00:36:45

and that the ATM isn’t working for like

00:36:47

a week since

00:36:50

you couldn’t immediately tell me that

00:36:52

the ATM isn’t working What are you yelling about? I’m

00:36:54

not a bank employee, I’m a security guard. I see

00:36:56

that everyone here was wearing gloves and masks

00:37:06

when you had time when you guys did it

00:37:10

right away,

00:37:13

here he is, come in, bring him in

00:37:21

there, twist him here, pull him out here,

00:37:25

I can’t, I’m kind

00:37:34

[applause]

00:37:36

[music]

00:37:56

turns on like a good song

00:38:00

Your eyes

00:38:02

caress my soul And your voice is like honey

00:38:06

to my ears

00:38:09

[music]

00:38:20

Armenians don’t they ride in the elevator because they

00:38:23

always have an advantage because of their charisma,

00:38:27

someone in a restaurant was beaten, come in, the

00:38:32

damn chair is always breaking

00:38:35

[music]

00:38:41

Good evening

00:38:45

Good evening You are the victim

00:38:48

Honestly, I’m already a closer

00:38:58

teacher Have a seat,

00:39:01

they wrote an explanatory note about your

00:39:04

beating Yes, what a beating More It’s not a fact that

00:39:09

they beat you up. Well, when they shot down, they tried, they

00:39:12

got a tough rebuff right away. Let’s

00:39:15

read what you wrote there; there’s no need to

00:39:18

read. I guess I’m all there. On emotions, it

00:39:20

was laid out like that, it seems that everything was the other way around.

00:39:23

Let me just tell you how it all

00:39:25

happened. Do you remember exactly? You’re

00:39:27

with your head hit Of course I remember the truth

00:39:30

now I almost lost my memory when they saw you

00:39:36

Let's Tell before you go blind in

00:39:39

general look the situation was very

00:39:41

simple the hereditary knight inside me

00:39:44

couldn't stand it when the Scoundrels started

00:39:47

pestering one girl in general

00:39:51

And when my gentleman's ears heard them

00:39:55

say that's enough baby break

00:39:57

Let's go with us, agree, Baby, this is

00:39:59

already too much, but here, too, it means that

00:40:03

this noble tiger broke out of the

00:40:06

cage of self-control and attacked to find

00:40:08

them three lustful animals, so I'm shorter than the

00:40:11

first, they immediately knocked out the second, just like that,

00:40:13

they grabbed him, threw him over the bar counter,

00:40:14

the third begged for mercy, the fourth himself he

00:40:17

ran away, so there were three of them or four of them, there

00:40:23

was a crowd of attackers, I gave all the colors in short

00:40:29

one, he steps into my hand like that with

00:40:32

his teeth, I waved like that and swooped in. And

00:40:34

it hurt, but it didn’t hurt anymore, I just

00:40:38

told myself Aram, nothing hurts me, it’s

00:40:41

just such an organism he listens to

00:40:43

me, he listens to me like a good song

00:40:50

and your voice is like honey to my ears.

00:40:59

Yes, by the way, I’m listening to him too and now he’s

00:41:02

asking what time you’re free,

00:41:04

don’t worry. Now we’ll all find out

00:41:10

where your participant in the fight is. Call me. Well,

00:41:14

wake me up. So I’m not going here.

00:41:16

I’ll sit there until the morning and I’ll have to leave

00:41:23

when I imagine that you’re

00:41:26

handcuffing my bed like that, pointing a lamp at

00:41:28

me. Speak quickly and

00:41:30

tell me who’s the sexiest thing here. I

00:41:32

say it’s you. Solovyov’s interrogator.

00:41:35

Shut up

00:41:37

[music]

00:41:53

[music]

00:42:06

Olga Olegovna even wrote an explanatory note to

00:42:10

explain then Well, how it was

00:42:14

Well, how it was

00:42:16

I ordered a dress a month ago, I waited

00:42:19

a month, I was worried it would not come at all,

00:42:22

but I have such a feature in my

00:42:25

body, I eat stress,

00:42:28

and this dress arrived yesterday and it didn’t

00:42:31

fasten on me. It’s very

00:42:33

touching but not meaningful as in

00:42:37

bar Everything was and in the bar I’m

00:42:40

sitting, it means I’m wearing an old dress, I remember a

00:42:43

new one,

00:42:45

he’s hitting on me with this Apollo on

00:42:50

minimum wage

00:42:52

Well, that’s it, let’s harass me, I’m already

00:42:56

dumbfounded, all the way you’re sitting on the move,

00:43:06

can you imagine talking

00:43:24

[applause]

00:43:33

can you imagine holding my leg almost to

00:43:35

the exit she dragged it

00:43:37

well, at least the cloakroom attendant

00:43:40

stopped it, screamed, and where did she drag it,

00:43:42

let him give it back the tag first

00:43:46

Look, look, that is,

00:43:50

they weren’t bothered by the issue, of course not, she’s

00:43:56

dragging herself by the leg to you so that

00:43:59

you put the walls of me like this, arms

00:44:02

wider, legs wider, they started looking for

00:44:04

theirs with gentle hands and then tell me What kind

00:44:06

of forbidden items are here? I

00:44:08

say, excuse me, comrade. The interrogator is a

00:44:10

statement.

00:44:30

Well, a year in prison is at least

00:44:33

I apologize Olga Olegovna, no. Okay,

00:44:36

Interrogator Solovyova can’t cope with the

00:44:38

job, her conscience can’t find her, she

00:44:39

catches hers, and the woman is charming, beautiful,

00:44:42

smart, let’s all breathe now and

00:44:46

let's talk about reconciliation of the parties I

00:44:49

actually forgot how you

00:44:52

bit me and dragged me by the leg and forgot as

00:44:54

soon as you hit me with your head

00:44:56

so many revolutions And I remember everything

00:44:58

only the good ones How you waylaid me

00:45:00

near the toilet and came to the wall Speak

00:45:02

baby, stop breaking down Come with me,

00:45:04

these little

00:45:06

babies there are somehow nice, to be honest, yes,

00:45:09

and tomorrow you can submit an application. Why

00:45:12

tomorrow?

00:45:14

Well, let's see how your side

00:45:16

will reconcile today.

00:45:21

Well, we'll see if you don't gouge out my eyes,

00:45:26

give me your essay. Take it, I'm waiting at

00:45:30

the exit. tomorrow if I see you I’ll come back to you

00:45:32

why write a rape report

00:45:46

[applause]

00:45:47

[music]

00:46:00

[applause]

00:46:03

[music] are

00:46:10

you normal in general yes No I

00:46:13

ditched the minibus driver to

00:46:15

get here faster

00:46:17

[music]

00:46:27

Hello everyone,

00:46:28

surprised that I speak Russian Yes the

00:46:31

simple fact is that everything I want to

00:46:33

say about America can only be said

00:46:36

in Russian.

00:46:39

I’ll sing a song now, but when I was sore,

00:46:44

I used to be a modest businessman,

00:46:48

building skyscrapers in honor of you,

00:46:51

or there was an oligarch on a private plane,

00:46:57

soon I got tired of all this and then I was

00:47:02

president I began to

00:47:04

have a strong quarrel with the whole world and fed up my

00:47:08

fellow citizens

00:47:10

and now I have become president Biden,

00:47:13

I am fighting with all my might on social networks and in order to solve

00:47:18

my problems I will now turn to Russia

00:47:22

Give me citizenship Give me

00:47:26

citizenship the whole country is persecuting Well,

00:47:29

what kind of hooliganism Give me citizenship

00:47:31

Give me citizenship I want to return to the

00:47:36

Media space,

00:47:39

I promise it will be useful to all of you.

00:47:41

Don’t look at the fact that I’m elderly,

00:47:45

I can be a foreman to

00:47:48

build wall settings. I have a lot of experience. And I

00:47:51

can also pay taxes. I can

00:47:55

develop my business in Russia with

00:47:58

wigs and self-tanning. I can sell at the market,

00:48:05

and when I’m completely old, I’ll even if I

00:48:09

get tired of my wife,

00:48:11

then I’ll move to the outback and

00:48:14

drink in Saransk with Depardieu Give

00:48:19

me citizenship Give me citizenship and they’re

00:48:22

persecuting me throughout the country Well, what kind of

00:48:24

hooliganism Give me citizenship Give me citizenship, they’re

00:48:27

persecuting me throughout the country

00:48:30

Well, what kind of hooliganism

00:48:37

But if it doesn’t work out with Russia, then what are you

00:48:42

I won’t come back again I’ll

00:48:45

grow it under my nose

00:48:48

Give Then citizenship Belarus

00:48:55

I want to return to Mega oh space

00:48:58

Give me citizenship Give me

00:49:01

citizenship the whole country is persecuting what kind of

00:49:04

hooliganism

00:49:06

[music] [applause] [music] [

00:49:08

applause]

00:49:11

[music]

00:49:13

[applause]

00:49:16

[music]

00:49:17

[applause]

00:49:19

[music]

00:49:23

[applause]

00:49:25

[music]

00:49:29

[applause]

00:49:30

[music]

00:49:35

a boy raised on fairy tales married a

00:49:38

frog and kissed her until

00:49:42

she learned,

00:49:56

please I’ll explain everything to you quietly

00:49:58

I’m just looking at him he

00:50:02

got sick or what’s worse, take a

00:50:05

deep breath now,

00:50:06

in short, he asked where children come from

00:50:11

and everything means everything He asked And just like

00:50:15

that he looks at me with these eyes,

00:50:16

his look looks like this,

00:50:18

I can’t lie You’re serious now, you’re

00:50:22

serious, that’s the same look the

00:50:25

same as yours And how am I normal in

00:50:28

general yes No I ditched the minibus driver

00:50:30

to get here faster

00:50:33

we'll go across the river let's go to

00:50:36

cut it off somehow

00:50:37

I put the arrow on the speedometer I broke

00:50:39

it what the hell I have a

00:50:42

speed bump they jumped out of the car at

00:50:45

home a whole minibus of gray-haired people

00:50:48

just because you were afraid

00:50:50

to talk to a five-year-old child,

00:50:55

soon it will be seven Soon he will go to school But we will

00:50:58

explain everything there without us Ksyusha Well, let’s just not

00:51:02

intersect with the child for 5 years at all, we won’t intersect with him at school,

00:51:03

everything will be explained clearly to him, but it won’t

00:51:06

work out very well I counted us, Darling, the toilet is

00:51:08

combined with a bathroom and we will meet here anyway in 5

00:51:10

years

00:51:14

that I gave him my phone and

00:51:17

tablet and TV to him. Turned it on, that’s

00:51:19

all you’re sitting there. You Komarovsky,

00:51:21

of course I’m screwed, I should have

00:51:24

ordered virtual reality glasses for the child did

00:51:26

n’t touch you at all

00:51:28

Virtual Reality will arrive at eight

00:51:33

at his age These are the kinds of questions he did

00:51:35

n’t ask his parents somehow he lived, you know, and

00:51:38

little by little somehow himself Well, you

00:51:39

figured it all out at 30 years old You figured it out the first

00:51:43

month of pregnancy stood in the window waiting for

00:51:49

who Stork Vanya Where in in the children's room he

00:51:54

gathered there all by himself calmly

00:51:58

boy Dad told me everything Now I'll

00:52:00

explain everything to you

00:52:02

in general when uncle and auntie love

00:52:06

each other they have a baby

00:52:16

really heavy look

00:52:19

on the Internet you watched What did you watch

00:52:22

there for this request

00:52:23

he can't do that only pictures

00:52:25

I understand. Now I’ll call my mom, she’ll

00:52:28

help us with everything, come on,

00:52:31

I didn’t ask you where

00:52:33

children come from for about 5 years, maybe there wasn’t someone

00:52:36

answered. I mean, you said that, why did

00:52:39

you tell a five-year-old child How to eat, I

00:52:40

mean, I had a heavy look of

00:52:43

botany

00:53:02

You tell such an interesting story, I’m just

00:53:05

nerds, I don’t remember school at all, apparently

00:53:09

Listen, maybe it’s somehow simpler through

00:53:11

basketball basketball Well, yes Well, there’s

00:53:15

a ring but the ball hits the ring and Victory

00:53:19

Well, everything is clear,

00:53:21

it’s not clear Well, the

00:53:25

Victory ring

00:53:35

can somehow besiege him with this

00:53:38

question to the question since the

00:53:41

baby gets into the tummy

00:53:44

how will you dispose of this

00:53:46

information

00:53:53

was planted at work When you go to the company's accounting department there is

00:54:01

some kind of useful thing there, let's tell her

00:54:04

just everything carefully,

00:54:06

slowly say come on, let's

00:54:09

go now, let's all go together

00:54:15

put together let's go Okay, come in, come in,

00:54:20

son, let's go Ask

00:54:23

us now what you wanted to know

00:54:48

Mom Dad I saved up money for you and I want to

00:54:53

buy you a brother

00:54:59

Well Danya What do you understand Danya I

00:55:03

’ll add I’ll add

00:55:06

[applause] [

00:55:09

music] [applause] [music] [

00:55:16

applause]

00:55:19

[music]

00:55:21

[ applause]

00:55:24

[music]

00:55:31

You're not half Russian,

00:55:37

you know what the word challenge is

00:55:41

when you were little, we went on

00:55:44

vacation challenge

00:55:49

[music]

00:55:59

So, comrade soldiers An

00:56:02

order came from Moscow

00:56:04

for the purpose of army populations, that is, a

00:56:08

reference book of what can be popularized

00:56:12

Frolov Are you the smartest or something Well,

00:56:16

I have an iq80

00:56:17

and what size is your hat

00:56:20

58 so tomorrow your IQ coincides with the

00:56:24

size of the hat I understand

00:56:29

So I’ll read out a general order for

00:56:33

all units to film

00:56:37

challenges

00:56:41

What kind of word is that so muhammederov

00:56:43

I You’re not half Russian I'm not all

00:56:46

Russian,

00:56:49

you know what the word challenge is,

00:57:00

Comrade Warrant Officer Challenge, this is a call in

00:57:03

English Call a call what a

00:57:06

call it's an ambulance call we have a call

00:57:09

as in English it would be a call a call

00:57:11

who does it

00:57:13

mean for us Spring autumn Kamon

00:57:18

understood

00:57:19

So an

00:57:21

order is an order We’ll be filming on our

00:57:23

phones because they

00:57:26

took all our phones and only give them on

00:57:28

Saturdays, everything is correct Frolov because

00:57:31

you can only serve and call in one

00:57:33

place where it’s right in the church.

00:57:38

Here you go, I took it from my daughter against a signature.

00:57:41

Be careful.

00:57:52

Yesterday I took a quick look. the whole Internet

00:57:59

is a person who can’t, a

00:58:02

Russian ensign, maybe

00:58:08

there it means it’s a girl. She sat like that,

00:58:11

then kicked her shoe and turned

00:58:15

into a beautiful woman, which reminded me of

00:58:17

that case when Mukhamedyarov dropped a grenade on the parade ground,

00:58:20

kicked it and now

00:58:23

turned into lying women,

00:58:25

I didn’t squeal at all Yes, you agree

00:58:29

the only one who didn’t squeal, but silently

00:58:31

lay calmly in a faint, let’s take off

00:58:35

now, take

00:58:41

off your boot, you’ll kick

00:58:43

Frolov You take off carefully, yes, that’s it,

00:58:47

I’ll leave the frame,

00:58:55

and

00:58:57

what and why not in full

00:59:02

mukhameder uniform means an unprepared woman

00:59:06

in civilian life managed to do it,

00:59:08

but the Russian combat unit The

00:59:11

professional army didn’t have time to do

00:59:13

what, so this is a gluing, what a gluing,

00:59:17

gluing. There are dogs on the street.

00:59:20

Yes, I don’t mean that it’s a montage.

00:59:24

Sit down, I’ll show you, come on. Well, what’s all

00:59:29

that now, cross your legs like

00:59:32

Muhamediarov did and sit, like you’re

00:59:34

cool I mean,

00:59:37

sit as usual,

00:59:40

like a cool guy,

00:59:43

help Catch

00:59:49

me Let’s film

00:59:53

So you’re smiling,

00:59:56

let’s quickly

01:00:00

film it

01:00:02

I’ve already filmed it a long time ago, the bastard

01:00:05

decided because of you, I’m editing everything now,

01:00:09

ready, look, well, it’s edited, well,

01:00:12

well,

01:00:13

funny mukhamediarov is sitting with a stupid shoe

01:00:19

What’s this? this did

01:00:31

n’t happen again

01:00:35

until the end of my life,

01:00:41

what is it, there

01:00:43

is such an idea, you do pull-ups, are

01:00:52

you an idiot Frolov or what? This is how I

01:00:55

’ll do it, it’s very simple, look, you first pull

01:00:58

yourself up on two hands, and then you

01:01:00

remove one hand, we

01:01:02

lift you up, Muhammedyarov, as if you were doing

01:01:04

pull-ups with one hand, then the other take your hand away,

01:01:06

we lift you up again, as if

01:01:08

without any hands at all, you pull it up. It’s funny It’s funny, but I

01:01:11

just want to upset you; I’ll have to lift

01:01:12

it up right away. So

01:01:18

let’s shoot like that,

01:01:22

bro, take it off,

01:01:25

comrade. Well, jump on the horizontal bar, the ensign jumps

01:01:28

lousy on Mukhamedyarov,

01:01:30

almost count it. They’re hoisting the banner,

01:01:36

let’s hoist it up for me. be careful

01:01:38

just don’t pinch anything there quietly

01:01:41

[music]

01:01:43

good

01:01:45

hello hello

01:01:48

And I’m here doing pull-ups

01:01:58

[applause]

01:02:06

with soldiers and with the weights you

01:02:09

were somehow easier yes yes And we’re

01:02:13

filming this challenge here, well, this is in English

01:02:16

Kamon this is take part with we can Well,

01:02:19

let's Frolov, give us

01:02:22

some kind of challenge quickly Think of it, let's

01:02:24

eat one of these You will need to dance a little

01:02:26

Oh I love this

01:02:29

[music] Why do

01:02:33

n't you dance so that a career

01:02:37

officer spends government calories on your dances,

01:02:41

comrade warrant officer Well then you are such a beech,

01:02:44

this is an order for your calories for the whole

01:02:47

Spartak ballet.

01:02:50

Okay, my calories are at your service.

01:02:53

So, what should you do, how to dance these dances of yours?

01:03:06

Let's try

01:03:09

[music]

01:03:23

now you need these clothes and change Are

01:03:27

you cuckoo or something? order Kuku order

01:03:31

if I need this order

01:03:34

today Andreevna don’t drag me for

01:03:37

terminatorism but I need your clothes

01:03:42

but it seems to me that

01:03:45

we’re climbing on climbing even still hanging out,

01:03:47

it’ll be

01:03:51

even good that it won’t fit there because that’s the

01:03:54

humor of it, that clothes

01:03:55

don’t fit anyone in size, let’s We don't have much

01:03:58

time, let's go

01:04:00

Listen, fly, let's

01:04:03

film some prank before they change clothes,

01:04:06

let's film it with the general, he'll come in And I'll

01:04:09

say something crap What kind of

01:04:13

crap am I full of, any short

01:04:17

[music]

01:04:21

comrade Biden hello,

01:04:24

this is Mukhamedyarov,

01:04:29

write down the secret code for launching missiles

01:04:32

743895

01:04:37

What are you doing here I don’t understand

01:04:40

the pranks about you

01:04:42

I want to shoot more pranks I was your prants

01:04:46

no pranks have been there for a long time euro I’m

01:04:50

asking you about something else why the

01:04:53

missile launch code is incorrect

01:04:57

the correct missile launch code is 74

01:05:00

3896 and don’t even think about saying it so loudly

01:05:03

because we have all the missiles are on voice

01:05:06

control all the canoe is on Hello there it’s bad

01:05:38

Don’t be afraid it won’t go anywhere I have a

01:05:42

camera on my phone no good

01:05:59

on my chin

01:06:13

comrade general it’s me I’m comrade

01:06:16

ensign what is this

01:06:20

yes we’re filming these challenges

01:06:24

Well the order is from Moscow

01:06:26

The order has come Well, let's show that we were

01:06:30

filmed, there's a family, knock

01:06:35

[music]

01:06:43

[music]

01:07:33

[music] [music] [applause] [music] [applause] [music] [applause] [music] [applause] [

01:08:21

music]

01:08:34

[music] I do

01:08:38

n't want to bye

01:08:40

[music]

01:08:51

dear friends On

01:08:53

February 23, everyone knows on our calendar

01:08:56

that this is a holiday, what kind of holiday is

01:08:59

Defender of the Fatherland Day, but the

01:09:02

younger generation knows this, we have Old Believers in our country

01:09:05

who believe that there is no

01:09:07

Defender of the Fatherland, this is the day of the Soviet

01:09:10

Army, Navy fleet

01:09:18

and the battles are going on in general, the most brutal, these are

01:09:21

arguing which are young They are tearing out their

01:09:24

hair and the tear-off calendar is burning It’s

01:09:26

written the belly Day of the Defender and those

01:09:29

who are Old Believers they point their finger at their

01:09:31

demobilization albums yellowed son

01:09:33

look here The new guy poked his head he says In

01:09:37

general, something terrible is happening

01:09:38

mess I think that there is no need to quarrel, you

01:09:42

need to celebrate if you think

01:09:43

former soldiers, I’ll say there is a sergeant from the

01:09:46

reserve of the British

01:09:49

chemical forces, a sergeant in the signal forces

01:09:53

when to celebrate So it’s a holiday, well,

01:09:57

if you are some kind of defenders of the fatherland,

01:09:59

celebrate Defender’s Day is in effect

01:10:01

Let’s just have fun and celebrate

01:10:03

let's go celebrate

01:10:04

[applause]

01:10:07

[music]

01:10:09

[applause] [music]

01:10:10

[applause]

01:10:17

And when years have passed it turns out that there is

01:10:22

another relative

01:10:30

[music]

01:10:53

but there is no such command to

01:10:57

step to the left

01:11:09

[music] I do

01:11:13

n’t want to yet Yes, friends, it’s really

01:11:17

like in the army messed up Shouldn't

01:11:20

Three outfits out of turn buy from women

01:11:23

that's not an alarm, then Combat training doesn't

01:11:26

help here because situations are never

01:11:29

repeated And who has never received an

01:11:32

encrypted code from his wife to a store that more than

01:11:35

once he won't figure it out, but buy

01:11:38

something tasty very Here everything is

01:11:41

like in the army until you become a grandfather

01:11:43

you are in peace

01:11:46

[music]

01:11:57

[music]

01:12:06

family troops shopping Ancient spruce

01:12:10

yours to tie

01:12:13

[applause] [music]

01:12:17

and I don’t want to yet but most importantly

01:12:21

I don’t want to

01:12:24

[applause]

01:12:28

[music]

01:12:34

[applause]

01:12:37

[music] [applause]

01:12:54

[music]

Description:

Ночью это храпящий элемент. Днём это работящий элемент. Вечером это лежаще-смотрящий элемент. А в субботу утром это мятый элемент! Всё это в программе «Мятый элемент» от Шоу «Уральские Пельмени». 00:00 Начало 7:30 Чат на 23 февраля 16:51 Торговый центр 23:27 Дед – шантажист 30:57 Жена рожает 38:20 Арамчик не виноват 46:27 Песня "Трамп" 49:35 Детский вопрос 55:57 Солдатский челлендж 1:08:50 Финальная песня Подпишись на канал: https://www.youtube.com/c/ProPelmeny Билеты без наценки на pelmeny.net Читай все наши новости, смотри фото, участвуй в конкурсах и узнавай обо всех событиях в команде в наших сообществах ⇛ ВК: http://vk.com/pelmeny_tv ⇛ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser ⇛ Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser ⇛ Одноклассники: http://ok.ru/pelmeny ⇛ Twitter: https://twitter.com/Pelmeny ⇛ Мой Мир: https://my.mail.ru/community/ural_pelmeny/

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