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Привидение

Уральские Пельмени – Архив #19

Уральские Пельмени – Архив #19

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Номеров Александра Попова – Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Номеров Александра Попова – Уральские Пельмени

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Космос Наш – Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Космос Наш – Уральские Пельмени

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

Сборник На Здоровье – Уральские Пельмени

Сборник На Здоровье – Уральские Пельмени

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Топ 10 Любимых Номеров Сергея Исаева - Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Топ 10 Любимых Номеров Сергея Исаева - Уральские Пельмени

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Номеров Дмитрия Соколова – Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Номеров Дмитрия Соколова – Уральские Пельмени

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Номеров Ксении Корневой – Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Номеров Ксении Корневой – Уральские Пельмени

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

Уральские Пельмени – Архив #4

Уральские Пельмени – Архив #4

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

Сильный сборник – Уральские Пельмени

Сильный сборник – Уральские Пельмени

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Избранных Номеров Данилы Пяткова – Уральские Пельмени

Сборник Избранных Номеров Данилы Пяткова – Уральские Пельмени

Channel: Уральские Пельмени

уральские пельмени

уральские пельмени лучшее

уральские пельмени избранное

топ 10 уральские пельмени

сборник уральские пельмени 2024

юмористическое шоу уральские пельмени

шоу уральские пельмени

стс

стс медиа

уральские пельмени 2022

Дмитрий Брекоткин

Исаев

Сергей Ершов

андрей рожков

азбука уральских пельменей

уральские пельмени сборник

уральские пельмени смехбук

уральские пельмени эксклюзив

сборник уральских пельменей

00:00:01

[music]

00:00:04

American children are scared by Babai

00:00:09

Denom Listen Natasha, what, well, Vitka

00:00:13

fell asleep, like, well, yes, well, maybe

00:00:17

we’ll open a bottle of wine and cut some cheese.

00:00:19

Well, Valer, Well, we agreed not to eat after the sti,

00:00:23

not after 6, after

00:00:27

10 Well, stop it.

00:00:31

Well, if only a little cheese is

00:00:37

excellent Natasha and how many cutlets are there for you, two Yeah,

00:00:46

what a cutlet landing And damn this cheese I forgot

00:00:51

what kind of cheese already sit and wine what

00:00:55

wine for cutlets Are you something like

00:00:58

romantics, it’s just missing

00:01:06

oh romance Well, what a smack

00:01:11

cutlet candle Ler is just like the first

00:01:14

night in the dorm,

00:01:19

our mom Vitenka, why aren’t you sleeping? Can I go to

00:01:24

bed with you?

00:01:27

Hello, you’re already big, you

00:01:29

should sleep alone,

00:01:31

and then why are

00:01:33

you sleeping with your mother? You’re also

00:01:36

big, Vitya, I am Because I

00:01:39

always slept with my mother. Yes, if only

00:01:43

that didn’t you wouldn’t have

00:01:44

shown up Well, that’s it, I showed up Go sleep

00:01:53

alone like that Vitenka Come on BC is good Go sleep

00:01:56

with yourself please I can’t sleep I’m

00:01:59

scared why are you scared There’s

00:02:01

someone under my bed Who’s your grandmother there under

00:02:04

your bed

00:02:06

What a shaggy old woman so with

00:02:09

nails there Vitya Come on,

00:02:12

now you're going to bed at your place and tomorrow

00:02:14

morning we'll all go to the circus together oh

00:02:18

well that's all the cutlets Well oh Maybe

00:02:24

then I'll dare to offer a glass of

00:02:27

shurpa

00:02:31

Valer Well, lowering the calories will blow away Well yes

00:02:34

yes maybe an eclair oh, we’re in the way And what’s

00:02:38

not going to work tomorrow,

00:02:41

come on Mom,

00:02:46

she’s going too, who’s grandma said

00:02:50

that she’s also going to the circus Ler, please figure it out

00:02:54

Natasha And why figure it out,

00:02:55

we don’t have tickets for her

00:02:57

Valer, you’re a [ __ ],

00:03:00

your son has some kind of fictitious grandmother

00:03:02

under go to bed please show that there is

00:03:04

no one there and let's go to sleep already

00:03:07

oh Maybe you should go and

00:03:10

I'll open the wine there in the meantime Are you

00:03:14

scared or am I Are you chasing me or are you

00:03:19

scared of who is there to be afraid of the

00:03:28

shaggy old lady

00:03:31

So you, but you remember There was

00:03:34

such a grandmother who lived among us on the first floor. Well, where did she go?

00:03:37

She moved,

00:03:39

and under Vitya’s

00:03:44

bed, everything, everything,

00:03:47

everything, just kidding, there’s no one there,

00:04:01

woman go away, you don’t have a ticket to the

00:04:05

circus, I’m kidding, I look like there’s no one there,

00:04:08

I looked. Go to sleep, let’s have a good time

00:04:13

you can imagine doing nonsense, yes, the child’s brain

00:04:15

is what’s going on there, it’s actually

00:04:17

coming up with something according to No, well, what’s that? I

00:04:18

also know as a child, you know in general what it

00:04:20

seemed like

00:04:23

in Well, in short, in my bedroom

00:04:26

there was such a closet Well, like we have in this

00:04:30

closet Mom’s fur coat was always hanging. Well, in

00:04:32

short, the doors very often did not close

00:04:35

all the way and this sleeve from the fur coat stuck out.

00:04:38

In short, it seemed to me that a

00:04:40

huge bloodthirsty

00:04:43

Beaver Beaver lived in this closet What are you laughing That’s what you’re

00:04:46

laughing And you had someone better than

00:04:49

you this beaver, well, who is an

00:04:54

eleventh grader,

00:04:55

an eleventh grader, well, I was little

00:04:57

and they took me to my older sister in September, and an

00:05:00

eleventh grader grabbed her there and

00:05:02

let’s drag her around the yard with a bell, so

00:05:04

I thought that an eleventh grader lived under my bed

00:05:06

who

00:05:08

would crawl out and drag me off to his country of

00:05:11

bells,

00:05:13

bells, then there is a citizen of the land of

00:05:16

bells who laughed at my bloodthirsty

00:05:20

beaver Well, well, an eleventh grader, at least

00:05:23

some kind of romance

00:05:26

[music]

00:05:28

Beaver, what is this, 500 rubles grandma gave for

00:05:34

tickets to the circus,

00:05:41

so let’s go, I’ll show that there’s no

00:05:45

one there, we’ll finally sleep, Lord,

00:05:48

and I broke my piggy bank Where where is there

00:05:51

someone Well there well where there Well there under the bed

00:05:53

yes where Well there Well there there

00:05:58

Hello

00:06:00

Can you please go home Vita just really

00:06:02

really needs to sleep yes Yes okay

00:06:06

Please come in yes dadada yes Tomorrow

00:06:10

to the circus I think hours 9:00 dadada good

00:06:14

that's yes Yes dad our our dad is just a copy

00:06:17

Don't just say a copy what are you worth

00:06:18

say hello

00:06:20

hello Yes everything is fine see you tomorrow

00:06:23

dada dadada everything All the best

00:06:25

goodbye See you tomorrow Mom you have your own

00:06:29

grandmother

00:06:31

there is everything You won Lie down with us sleep

00:06:34

That's it, it's okay,

00:06:37

let's go to bed Natasha

00:06:41

[music]

00:06:43

well, he's manipulating us Yes, it's okay,

00:06:47

let's go to sleep,

00:06:49

please Vitya, move a little towards

00:06:52

who are you so

00:06:55

fat, yes

00:06:58

Vitya

00:07:10

oh

00:07:13

Vitya

00:07:15

Victor,

00:07:16

can I

00:07:21

go to bed with you, they barely let you in here

00:07:25

more

00:07:28

uh

00:07:31

[music]

00:07:32

woman for woman Thank you Yes

00:07:36

please Ignat Ignat Look who we have

00:07:41

here Yes quietly you with

00:07:47

the bell

00:07:49

Hello Ignat eleventh grade

00:07:53

Beaver eyes of

00:07:56

rodents

00:07:58

Valentina

00:08:01

class

00:08:03

listen quietly Natasha when she falls asleep she

00:08:06

pisses so funny And Valera Valera is drooling in her sleep

00:08:10

look there -back

00:08:15

Vitka This is my pure angel

00:08:19

Well, what about three or four yes Uh-huh

00:08:29

[music]

00:08:38

[music]

00:08:44

the more often the command to attention sounds from the wife,

00:08:47

the more dear to the husband the command

00:08:51

to the left so Kulya will come now Seryozhka You

00:08:55

don’t ask him about Lyudka anything about

00:08:57

which Lyudka Lord, well, he’s

00:09:00

dating a girl. Well, what are you? Come on, he’s seriously

00:09:03

dating a girl. Lord, he’s been dating a girl since the

00:09:04

eighth grade, 5 years old, how are you? And what is he in

00:09:09

now? Lord, the father is called, he doesn’t

00:09:11

know what grade the son is in. I’m talking

00:09:13

about Lyudka, don’t ask anything, they broke up,

00:09:15

wait with eighth grade, 5 years old. Is he

00:09:19

in thirteenth or something?

00:09:21

Now wait, they’ve been studying for 13 years or

00:09:24

something. And they did

00:09:27

n’t say a word on TV about reform or that

00:09:28

she’s

00:09:30

been studying for 13 years. If only that in general, after all,

00:09:32

our youth are politically infantile in

00:09:34

general, absolutely Lord, what a bore you

00:09:36

have become How I quit drinking

00:09:39

and I asked you not to remind me about it that

00:09:43

I quit drinking I asked or not not to

00:09:46

remind me that I quit drinking I quit

00:09:50

and maybe I wouldn’t have quit at all I

00:09:51

absolutely wouldn’t have quit if life was a mess in

00:09:55

medicine in ours, too, I

00:10:05

would ask you not to remind me of half a fuku I because

00:10:08

maybe I’m hiding behind this I’m hiding my rage

00:10:12

Give me a sedative Lord, eat

00:10:17

white,

00:10:22

calm down with

00:10:32

celery I’ll soon forget the taste of meat

00:10:35

because of this

00:10:39

celery of yours remind me about the diet

00:10:43

in general about food I don’t have anything speak

00:10:45

listen 2 months I quit drinking how you

00:10:47

irritate me, you really piss me off 2

00:10:49

months 59 days 18 hours 26 minutes and you

00:10:55

’re gone Not because I stopped drinking but

00:10:56

because you don’t eat Yeah yeah actually I

00:10:59

’m trying for you I want you to like me

00:11:01

59 days Back in general, everything

00:11:09

suited me. You will still be proud of me

00:11:11

that your wife is 45 years old, she’s just a

00:11:14

cucumber, that’s what the

00:11:17

cucumber said. Whether you asked for it or not, I asked you

00:11:21

not to remind me. I wasted the last

00:11:25

lunar day of planting cucumber seedlings, and

00:11:29

all because someone with their

00:11:32

celery blew out and made my nerves where

00:11:37

my valerian all

00:11:40

ate cucumbers Dad, well, I asked you not to

00:11:43

remind them

00:11:49

ate Are you doing this on purpose Grandfather now

00:11:52

Why are you drinking so deliciously in front of me

00:11:56

on purpose

00:11:58

yes Seryozha came Let's not

00:12:01

remind him about Lyudka Let's still not

00:12:03

say anything Come on Dad Mom Grandfather I’m home Oh

00:12:08

hello Seryozhenka Why is it so early And

00:12:10

why did he know that the girl was walking around like that and

00:12:11

left

00:12:13

him I asked you not to remind you about Lyudka

00:12:16

Well, I didn’t say anything about Lyudka at

00:12:18

all, I didn’t say a word about Lyudka,

00:12:19

I just said about some- then you never know

00:12:21

what kind of girls he has, maybe there will be 000 more

00:12:23

girls who will leave him,

00:12:26

you

00:12:28

will leave him, I can’t stand it, I’ll go get drunk,

00:12:32

stand there, Shivers will get drunk, I asked you not to

00:12:36

remind me about this, that there’s

00:12:38

no mention of alcohol at all, he’ll get drunk after all.

00:12:39

Lyudka, this Lyudka is

00:12:42

rubbish, oh Lyudka, that rubbish couldn’t

00:12:44

write 9 days earlier, if you understand,

00:12:46

leave him, I would be calm and everything

00:12:48

and everything would be fine, go Seryozha, don’t listen, why are

00:12:51

you so early, you would have walked there with the

00:12:53

boys And with whom I should go for a walk there, well,

00:12:56

this friend you had, well, you are

00:12:58

such a hooligan, Grishka Yes, Grishka was imprisoned 2 weeks ago, they were

00:13:02

imprisoned 2 weeks

00:13:07

ago They managed to And

00:13:11

I, Ser, eat while you listen Well, we are

00:13:15

adults and Well, we can somehow come to

00:13:17

an agreement Well then we're

00:13:18

dragging the boy into all this Be people ma and

00:13:23

is there anything normal fast not from

00:13:25

grass here's a woman soy nonu let her

00:13:29

cook for you what you like Well mom, well, okay, what, what,

00:13:31

damn, okay, what are you,

00:13:33

son, Well, Well, I'm gone and she left, well, she left and

00:13:36

left, and I remember how she

00:13:40

left, how we parted, it was raining.

00:13:44

She got on the tram and a drop fell on the fogged

00:13:49

glass. Are you on purpose? I don’t know.

00:13:54

No What What? I just imagined how I

00:13:57

took it out of the refrigerator; a

00:13:59

drop fell on the glass; you know, I have look at the little

00:14:02

pimples, look at the little pimples, look at the

00:14:06

little pimples, how could you not be my son? You're more of a son to me.

00:14:10

It's clear what you're saying, how

00:14:14

your tongue has turned at all, Kolya,

00:14:17

that

00:14:24

boiled beef tongue, you cut it so thinly, and the horseradish pops

00:14:28

on top and pops it in his mouth, and what are you doing on

00:14:30

purpose? Are you telling me

00:14:32

what I’m talking about now? I’m talking about food, well, tongue with horseradish,

00:14:34

some kind of food, it’s a

00:14:37

snack, tongue in

00:14:44

mouth, we just kissed for the first time.

00:14:48

Come on, grandson. Well, don’t

00:14:52

worry so much, dad says

00:14:54

you’ll still have about 100 of these girls. Come

00:14:57

on. shut up then Well, what are you and

00:14:59

what’s wrong with the word 100 100 g 100

00:15:03

kg We’re not going to go crazy like that,

00:15:08

so look at the list of words that you can’t

00:15:11

say in front of me, let’s do this cucumbers Yeah, seedlings,

00:15:16

brine, brine, yes, brine, and then

00:15:21

underline the word in bold also

00:15:24

emphasize

00:15:27

further guys

00:15:30

film

00:15:32

whip

00:15:34

sex Maria

00:15:37

Timofeevna this is where you come from, come on in my

00:15:41

cucumber associative row don’t

00:15:45

interfere with there oh Serge hello hello hello Hello

00:15:50

Luda Samaya I thought

00:15:54

maybe we won’t

00:15:56

break up

00:15:57

Listening, it’s good that they are dating, it’s true

00:16:00

and as a sign of reconciliation I brought a cake and a

00:16:03

bottle of

00:16:10

champagne And here are some more cucumbers Mom

00:16:14

gave her grandson the horses to hell out of the house you’re not a

00:16:17

match for you I’ll explain everything later

00:16:19

[applause]

00:16:23

[music]

00:16:27

I’ll explain

00:16:32

[music]

00:16:34

on holidays the mother-in-law was irresistible

00:16:37

especially in the

00:16:38

mirrors so Well good Oh this

00:16:42

needs to be filmed like that Natasha hello In short, I’m already

00:16:46

setting the table while you’re driving. I’ll sing

00:16:49

for you in my vegetable

00:16:52

karaoke. Just

00:16:54

a second.

00:16:57

About

00:17:06

Opa, is it like a vegetable sings like a vegetable or something?

00:17:10

Hello Tamara Igorevna Hello

00:17:13

Lyudmil Ogurchinsky I

00:17:28

want to talk seriously Well Nikolay We’re

00:17:34

friends, something sounds like

00:17:39

You understand the verdict Nikolay The thing is

00:17:41

that now my friends are coming to see me, well, we have

00:17:43

n’t seen each other at the institute for 20 years. And I can’t

00:17:45

call IR for myself because Seryozha

00:17:47

is resting there after duty, but Natalya will

00:17:48

only come at about o’clock, maybe we

00:17:50

’ll sit with you for

00:17:51

an hour, but why? it’s

00:17:54

suddenly Nikolay Well, at least from the fact that

00:17:57

this is not your apartment Natalina and it

00:18:07

was bought with my money, let’s sit for hours Well, okay, that’s

00:18:12

good, that’s good, so one more request

00:18:14

Nikolai You will now go to your room

00:18:17

so deep that even my friends won’t

00:18:20

guess about your existence is good

00:18:23

And what will I get for this mercantile rubbish

00:18:29

that like that time

00:18:35

they put the poop with mushrooms my beloved it’s

00:18:39

a pleasure to deal with you Donna Tamara and there And

00:18:43

there if everything goes well you’ll get another one

00:18:45

like that Hello

00:18:49

girls Tamara

00:18:55

Hello Hello dear hello

00:18:58

Nevermind girls let's go let's go

00:19:02

let's go let's go Sit down What about you

00:19:03

two And where is Olga Don't you

00:19:06

know that she's in a mental hospital Oh well Yes

00:19:10

Olya is in a mental hospital Yes

00:19:14

[laughter]

00:19:17

the head doctor yes-yes-yes she declared herself the

00:19:21

head physician She was put in the

00:19:24

xy Listen Well, come on, open up, open up,

00:19:27

open up, so you have us, where are

00:19:28

our boys? Who knows where? Well, listen,

00:19:31

I know, of course you remember Andrei Andrei,

00:19:33

you remember who you had your eye on,

00:19:35

well, well, well, in America

00:19:38

now, okay, yes, yes, Valerka, remember Well, with

00:19:42

whom you were in love Well, let me say, you

00:19:44

were directly in love, well, where where to the polar explorers in

00:19:46

Antarctica Oh well, yes, and Vladik, you remember

00:19:49

with whom you slow danced Well, so what and

00:19:52

what went to Australia, scattered their life,

00:19:56

this is not life Tamara, this is fear

00:20:00

Listen, well, and my daughter, Natasha, then show us

00:20:02

We don’t see her at all while she’s

00:20:04

small I remember her at all Look here,

00:20:06

look at the photos Here’s the photo

00:20:08

Big one, look in general, look

00:20:12

Look, it’s in

00:20:14

the distance, it’s a parrot No, it’s you This is

00:20:18

your hairstyle for prom,

00:20:20

look at this orangutan yes I

00:20:24

look more like an elephant Lyokha Petrov

00:20:27

carry you say Yes it’s an elephant I’m

00:20:30

telling you that’s for sure Elephant What are you looking at To the

00:20:32

right Natalya this is a zebra where you are

00:20:34

looking Wow you’re so beautiful

00:20:38

Look how beautiful Well okay girls

00:20:41

I propose a toast Let’s let’s For us And

00:20:44

come on, you're still such good guys, I'm

00:20:47

Professor Tamara, we have a general, But this is

00:20:49

actually a minister

00:20:53

Mister, it's funny, like at school, girls,

00:20:56

let's drink to us, because only we were

00:20:58

able to turn a dodik yazko and a drunkard into a

00:21:02

minister, professor

00:21:05

General Well, okay, let's Tell

00:21:08

Ninka A your daughter married the

00:21:12

manager of an oil company Wow, well done,

00:21:15

my vech, by the way, also married a

00:21:17

bank manager for a minute, I’m not

00:21:20

surprised Tom what A A Natasha what And what Natasha what

00:21:24

Natasha what Natasha got

00:21:26

married to you Natasha

00:21:29

Yes

00:21:30

of course there was such a line right there Well,

00:21:33

I see such a beauty Well, who stole

00:21:36

this treasure for a long time, she chose, she

00:21:38

chose, she ended up marrying a

00:21:42

diplomat, a very good guy, the parents are

00:21:44

professors, he himself graduated from GMOs, yes, he

00:21:48

works now, he works in Ethiopia,

00:21:52

he works great, in general, the name is

00:21:57

Vladlen, he

00:22:00

looks like an armless man, he looks like an armless man,

00:22:05

interesting Good evening,

00:22:09

ladies, who is this relative? Yes, the son-in-law is a

00:22:17

relative. Allow me to introduce myself.

00:22:20

Vladlen is a diplomat from

00:22:24

Ethiopia. And of course,

00:22:31

women

00:22:33

Vladlen. Didn’t you even

00:22:36

notice that you came? You flew straight from Ethiopia, you

00:22:39

know, somehow I just went straight to bed.

00:22:42

Tired after that, you know, 140 seven

00:22:45

o’clock

00:22:46

flight Ethiopian Airlines Oh, how

00:22:49

interesting Or maybe sit with us

00:22:51

and tell us about Ethiopia with

00:22:53

pleasure lady, just let's

00:22:55

drink to Ethiopia first Yes, come on, yes yes yes yes yes you

00:23:01

m lady And by the way, you know that in

00:23:05

Ethiopia March 8th is Mother-in-Law Day What do you

00:23:09

mean, all Ethiopian families get together and

00:23:13

go out into the countryside, yes, they are barbecuing at the fire, mother-in-law,

00:23:16

so

00:23:20

Len, but I think it’s time for you to rest

00:23:23

after the plane. No, I’m fine. It’s time for you to rest

00:23:25

after.

00:23:39

You have an impressive

00:23:43

son-in-law Yes, I’m handsome and really

00:23:45

look like an armless man Whether with his hands or his feet

00:23:49

Good evening oh

00:23:52

[applause]

00:23:57

sir Congratulations

00:24:00

snooky

00:24:02

Congratulations serra

00:24:05

Where are you Vladlen came from Ethiopia the

00:24:19

guy missed Mother Russia

00:24:22

And what do you have in your bags Ber

00:24:33

Oh

00:24:36

Hello very much nice happy holiday

00:24:38

mommy happy holiday And where is Vlad

00:24:41

Len He was supposed to return from Ethiopia today

00:24:44

and he and dad are there, yes, they

00:24:57

both went out there having fun with the birches

00:25:07

In general, this is not a diplomat from

00:25:09

Ethiopia This is my husband And his name is Nikolai

00:25:12

Vladlen Are you Nikolai or what?

00:25:14

or

00:25:17

Excuse me Yes, he is still unemployed but

00:25:21

he has everything ahead of him I love him very much,

00:25:29

you know, I also lied My brother-in-law is

00:25:33

not a manager And an ordinary courier, what a horror

00:25:38

I have, at least a security guard in a

00:25:42

kindergarten,

00:25:44

but apparently this is our female share of

00:25:48

unemployed security guards and couriers to make

00:25:51

top managers bankers and

00:25:57

diplomats

00:26:02

Well, what am I going to ask MGIMO or those MGIMO you can’t

00:26:07

pronounce MGIMO already, put

00:26:08

the glass down

00:26:14

quickly Thank you for coming to our

00:26:17

mini

00:26:18

[applause]

00:26:22

[music]

00:26:27

performances

00:26:29

[music]

00:26:39

in hell the puncher behind the wall works

00:26:45

around the clock Hello Hello

00:26:48

This is the department for distributing sinners to

00:26:50

boilers yes yes And you are new, what personally about

00:26:53

finally Well, let's bring the documents

00:26:56

there, everyone, let's take off your passport, yes Here, Yeah,

00:27:00

military ID there, I see your passport, so yeah,

00:27:03

SNILS military ID, Yeah, everything

00:27:06

's great, Let's get a diploma of higher

00:27:08

education there I have about my second

00:27:10

education, red wow, good and I

00:27:13

have one about my second education,

00:27:15

excellent, maybe theses,

00:27:17

some laboratory works there, that’s right, yeah, wow, some

00:27:21

diplomas there, right here,

00:27:24

my daddy has all his amateur activities, oh yes,

00:27:25

you have a portfolio here whole Wow, here's another

00:27:28

post, all the certificates from the

00:27:32

administration will also take part in the vocal competition

00:27:34

skate And why is this all of you, why are

00:27:37

we

00:27:41

drowning the boilers with this? I understand Well, what to do I

00:27:45

look like this Let's take daddy So it

00:27:49

means here you have a list of sinners, we're

00:27:51

just distributing what kind of punishment to whom

00:27:53

we send to boilers Yeah, I got it, let’s

00:28:00

read right away that wa here are the people who stand at the

00:28:03

checkout and say you don’t need the bag, but at the

00:28:05

end when they’ve already taken everything away, they’re like that Although

00:28:07

Let’s

00:28:09

just boil these rits Why just in

00:28:13

a bag is clear, but these people

00:28:16

who come to work on a bicycle

00:28:18

and then they stink there all

00:28:21

day long, wash them, wash them, just wash them.

00:28:25

Why just in

00:28:27

boiling water,

00:28:29

but those who say not theirs, but

00:28:35

theirs, these in philology, let’s say

00:28:39

this is not in hell, oh no, you’re

00:28:40

worse in philology than in hell, yeah, it’s

00:28:44

clear, but here are the men who wear sandals with socks in the heat,

00:28:50

let them go and give them something to

00:28:55

drink like Why are we all here now

00:29:01

and in general And how is this the principle of how it

00:29:03

is distributed to whom in Which cauldron Well,

00:29:05

look the first one - this is such a light

00:29:07

cauldron Yes, well, it’s like this for those who at

00:29:10

500 in the morning somewhere in Turkey

00:29:13

takes a sunbed with a towel and then goes to sleep

00:29:15

These are these And the seventh is for the completely

00:29:19

discouraged, well, the type who in the end do

00:29:21

n’t come to the sunbed and oh yeah yes yes

00:29:25

So, what do I understand

00:29:29

those who are here, here are me, those who

00:29:31

drink you think he began to

00:29:33

speak English well, these in the third

00:29:36

will be fine, but look, I’m interested

00:29:39

here, these are the ones that were invented in the

00:29:41

supermarket at the entrance, in order to take

00:29:43

a cart you have to

00:29:46

put money in the fourth in the fourth Yes, and

00:29:49

in order for them to get out of there, they need to find money.

00:29:53

Yes, so for the people who rinse their mouths with the last sip of

00:29:57

tea,

00:30:00

let’s gargle them normally on the fifth day. Let them

00:30:03

rinse there. Listen, you

00:30:06

know these people who are on a flight in

00:30:08

Magadan for someone else, I repeat all the

00:30:12

information in English

00:30:15

Yes yes yes seq car Magadan there are the

00:30:19

British

00:30:21

Yes magadan is the capital of Great

00:30:24

Britain Yes these I think let’s go for the third

00:30:27

probably yes for the third yes

00:30:32

I repeat but these people who come out of the

00:30:35

hospital and then walk for three blocks in

00:30:37

shoe covers

00:30:38

listen Well these are the ones that there are no these

00:30:41

we don’t touch And those who see this do

00:30:43

n’t say anything to them these Yes yes yes let’s go to the fifth it

00:30:47

will be fine because

00:30:51

you know hello Hello and you have a

00:30:53

huge queue there Yes I

00:30:55

just

00:30:56

Ask in the

00:30:59

seventh Thank you

00:31:06

Yeah Listen to these you know who in

00:31:09

a group sits with everyone and is the first to

00:31:11

look at their phone feed, they put

00:31:14

the phone down from such a face they say guys, well, how about

00:31:16

these put down the phones Let’s

00:31:19

communicate fourth Yes, the fourth one

00:31:22

will be fine yes But these ones who

00:31:24

turn on the subwoofer in the car and it’s unclear whether they are

00:31:26

now deaf or before that Yes,

00:31:29

what kind of them are they probably Let's in the third which

00:31:32

in the third which

00:31:34

third didn't hear the fourth

00:31:37

yeah listen but these you know who

00:31:41

will violate something they are stopped by a traffic cop

00:31:42

and they immediately say the

00:31:44

reason for

00:31:46

the stop I suggest in the sixth in the sixth

00:31:49

by a traffic cop

00:31:51

straight yes yes yes Yeah, so vegans, wait a minute, you

00:32:01

can’t cook these same ones. Let’s just let them dry quietly in the sun.

00:32:06

Yes,

00:32:08

hello, hello, Fyodor

00:32:10

Semyonovich or something. Yes, just wait. What do

00:32:13

we have here for you? This is how

00:32:16

pensioners helped the orphanage. From the next

00:32:18

door we bought food for your account

00:32:20

to your wife has never changed the garbage for

00:32:23

recycling separately, you handed it over,

00:32:26

more precisely, you handed it over, and six children were

00:32:28

raised, two of them are adopted, how did you

00:32:31

get here to us, and I’m a tow truck operator.

00:32:41

And I seem to be a decent person, but the fourth one,

00:32:45

where is the fourth boiler? Yeah, so listen,

00:32:48

people here these ones who do it like this and

00:32:51

then don’t

00:32:52

spit these ones in the eighth in the eighth exactly and

00:32:55

fill it with hot ones like these yes yes it

00:32:58

will be fine Yeah and the people who are

00:33:01

being told who are being told to wear a mask

00:33:03

they are like dada yes now now now they

00:33:04

put their hands in their pockets like that and pass

00:33:06

like that And they don’t get anything here

00:33:09

in the fifth Yes in the fifth those

00:33:12

who for some reason are driving alone in a closed car

00:33:14

wearing a hood and a

00:33:16

mask yes yes they will make friends Yes mix it up

00:33:21

it will be good Yeah But these people

00:33:24

When you know oh the booze is so masculine

00:33:27

it’s already so Everything is coming to you too My wife

00:33:28

is calling and you say guys keep it down now

00:33:30

I’ll just talk to my wife about this oh oh girls

00:33:35

come in Oh how many of you I don’t care what you are like

00:33:39

[music] [music

00:33:45

]

00:33:51

[applause]

00:33:56

[music]

00:34:14

one girl throwing tantrums in a jar

00:34:18

to enjoy them with

00:34:23

tea in winter Hello Oh Greetings I'm at home, as if I'm at

00:34:27

work Yes,

00:34:29

okay, they promised a bonus Well, what are you in

00:34:32

honor of? Well, it's like a

00:34:35

10-year anniversary, they're

00:34:39

promising a bonus, oh that's it, let's sit down as

00:34:42

usual And what will Polina find out with us? No,

00:34:45

she's not there

00:34:50

doing her homework Listen like this, if I dress

00:34:52

normally it will be fine with the throttle Why

00:34:55

Well, how about television coming to

00:34:58

film such a rare phenomenon? Polina is

00:35:01

doing her homework Yes, I’m doing my homework right now

00:35:05

Dim, wait, wait, sit down, it’s probably

00:35:08

better that Well, sit down, well, in short,

00:35:13

she’s doing her homework with a

00:35:17

boy with a boy yes I

00:35:23

understand Dim yes Everything is fine

00:35:25

Everything is fine

00:35:30

Dima I am Dima Give you here Let me go Let

00:35:33

me go I said what do you think I wo

00:35:35

n’t kill him without a gun or something

00:35:38

calm that I haven’t

00:35:42

opened lessons for so long We’re doing it alone Mom I

00:35:46

said No no hello alone out of

00:35:50

the room Get out of the room Yes daddy me The teacher

00:35:54

asked him to improve his A in literature she

00:35:56

promised

00:36:00

5,000 for this an A in

00:36:03

Russian yes yes You need to do your homework with the doors open

00:36:08

so I can see everything Yes no

00:36:14

problem Well he put his hands away Well Dima why is he

00:36:18

picking his nose Yes

00:36:21

dad Well, are you really? Seriously, well, they're

00:36:25

embarrassed, they're sitting there with you, don't

00:36:28

close it, Pauline, close it, don't squeeze it,

00:36:32

don't squeeze it, you took that

00:36:37

we're guests, and he's already pestering her

00:36:45

[music]

00:36:52

Well, they've quieted down,

00:36:56

and look, who's building like that? not a single

00:36:59

alkali

00:37:01

Dima, seriously Well, really, why am

00:37:05

I like Prima Well, well, I have an echo sounder,

00:37:09

what kind of Alo, what is this, come here

00:37:13

Look, here is our herring, you see, well, this is a

00:37:16

snook walking in circles around it, the

00:37:21

Kraken can’t, in

00:37:25

general, What are your lessons? are you doing Yes,

00:37:29

what can you do, open the window and

00:37:33

ventilate like that, do your homework Yes,

00:37:37

well done Well, what’s normal there, things are going well there

00:37:42

You see, everything is

00:37:43

fine Dad, you forgot your phone with the

00:37:48

camera on, so he turns out to be where,

00:37:53

well, well, he’ll climb in to kiss you, Why

00:38:00

Well, why is he coming to you? he'll come in for a

00:38:02

kiss And your dad, like in the movie

00:38:03

The bodyguard,

00:38:05

won't take the kiss on his

00:38:11

knee You're kissed funny yes

00:38:15

That's it, let's drive him to hell That's it I've had enough of these

00:38:18

sessions Your mother

00:38:21

never took anyone home at your age

00:38:22

Hey, I didn't

00:38:25

take you home then I also took my apartment

00:38:29

in the courtyard, you know what they called Noah in the

00:38:33

Ark Why Because every

00:38:36

creature

00:38:39

has been there a couple of times And excuse me, where is your toilet?

00:38:52

I’ll ask him if he likes Polina, if he

00:38:54

likes Polina at least a little bit, I’ll kill him

00:38:56

right here on the spot, they gave me a lot of

00:38:58

[ __ ] here, you know, 14 years old, well, he knows how to wash off,

00:39:03

come here, kasel se, I’ll

00:39:08

ask you one question now,

00:39:11

think carefully about how

00:39:15

to answer you, Polina

00:39:18

likes no, we just doing homework for the

00:39:21

class, why do

00:39:23

n't you like her,

00:39:26

you freak

00:39:29

Well, I like her a little Well, I don't like her a little I

00:39:31

like her but I don't like her

00:39:34

Yes dad stop scaring

00:39:39

Plato Plato his name is also Plato I

00:39:44

hate where is my gun Lin I'll

00:39:47

probably go Okay that's it let's get the

00:39:48

textbooks there tomorrow

00:39:50

brought Mom that he hates the name

00:39:53

Plato so much. Have you forgotten or something? Our dad is a

00:39:55

Trucker and

00:39:59

this Plato is where this Plato is where I am.

00:40:04

Who am I? Paulie came to

00:40:08

brush up on physics, he didn’t have a C. So

00:40:11

where is my cold I’m his now I

00:40:14

’ll hit the echo sounders right now

00:40:19

[applause]

00:40:26

now

00:40:28

[applause]

00:40:29

[music]

00:40:30

[applause]

00:40:36

[music]

00:40:37

meerkats, like people, they are interested in everything

00:40:41

but don’t

00:40:47

understand anything What’s there What’s there What’s there What’s

00:40:49

there What’s where where And over there over there that’s a

00:40:53

snack havchik or Sukher Sukher you are not a

00:40:57

havchik not a havchik and not a Sukher not a Sukher

00:41:03

apathy so comrades people people people people people

00:41:06

people so turn off this

00:41:09

nonsense we are watching your production for the

00:41:12

fifth time and you cannot explain to us five times

00:41:15

why our house of culture needs your

00:41:20

meerkat theater with why How why it’s clear It

00:41:23

seems to me that it’s immediately clear Well, just

00:41:25

through the prism of meerkats, people

00:41:27

can help us look at this world with completely different eyes

00:41:29

to solve all the problems of humanity on this

00:41:31

planet, it’s clear and obvious Of course,

00:41:33

why can we show any classics? Do

00:41:35

n’t fool us,

00:41:39

please

00:41:41

Shakespeare what's there what's there or nothing there

00:41:45

or nothing there that's the

00:41:51

question This is a skull skull skull this is Rick

00:41:55

ri bedrick m

00:41:59

apathy

00:42:01

Stop it No Well wait, what do I

00:42:03

like I don't know English classics

00:42:05

please Russian classics Anna

00:42:08

Karenina What's there What's there What there What's there

00:42:10

What's there what's that's the train the train by the train There's the

00:42:14

train by by Exactly exactly

00:42:17

the woman you're pushing Toto

00:42:20

in general Serves you right and I feel sorry for her

00:42:26

apathy

00:42:27

Seniya Andreevna explain to me Why ca

00:42:29

n't we kick them out right now

00:42:32

fat meerkat nephew of the

00:42:35

vice-mayor of which vice-mayor Well, Petrova

00:42:39

Petrov

00:42:40

And this is the one who refused to lay asphalt on the snow,

00:42:43

like not according to technology Well, this

00:42:47

idiot He is his nephew, he has the

00:42:49

same comrades, understand, you are occupying

00:42:53

a room that we could give to a

00:42:56

more adequate team by some

00:42:59

adequate team please, here is a

00:43:01

whole list of the Museum of the Ural

00:43:04

Lace Well, or a club for admirers of cottage cheese

00:43:08

Or a circle of lovers of

00:43:11

squares By the way, these are

00:43:14

adequate groups or something. I didn’t

00:43:16

say that they are adequate, they are just

00:43:18

more adequate than you, yes yes, don’t you understand

00:43:22

our team, it’s universal? Well, okay,

00:43:24

you don’t understand in Russian classics we

00:43:26

understand everything you don’t like the classics We

00:43:28

also show modern blockbusters

00:43:30

yes yes Star Wars what’s there what’s there what’s

00:43:34

not visible it’s far away in a

00:43:37

distant galaxy far away Wow how

00:43:38

far away Oh it’s not visible

00:43:45

apathy

00:43:46

Stop it Stop it and leave I I

00:43:49

’m telling you for the hundredth time, our cultural center of the eighth

00:43:52

bearing plant doesn’t need your team

00:43:55

Katz, there are eight

00:43:57

bearing plants in the city where we’re heading straight

00:43:59

away into

00:44:02

apathy Let’s get out of here Well, you

00:44:05

can’t kick us out, we’re completely

00:44:06

unique We’re the only one of our kind,

00:44:08

such an original team in general Yes,

00:44:10

the only ones, yes, Lord, anyone can

00:44:13

portray this meerkat of yours, what do you

00:44:17

mean, anyone? Yes, we’ve just

00:44:19

been looking for this for 5 years, this is love. Try,

00:44:23

stop, we don’t, you said

00:44:25

love, no, you’re done, well, try,

00:44:27

try, but he just can’t It’s clear

00:44:37

to the wife what’s there what’s there

00:44:39

Who’s there Who’s there Who’s there You believe believe you believe I don’t believe I don’t believe I don’t

00:44:45

believe

00:44:49

apathy

00:44:50

Stop Stop you understand

00:44:52

Looking at you, people have only

00:44:54

two questions Do you have a certificate from HT

00:44:58

Why meerkats? In the sense of how

00:45:01

Why is a meerkat the Sverlovsky

00:45:03

unitary regional Regional

00:45:05

Animalistic Theater

00:45:08

meerkat Sergei Vladimirovich Carefully,

00:45:11

comrade meerkat hushed up the answer about

00:45:14

the certificate Listen, I understand Well, of course,

00:45:16

your theater certainly has the right to

00:45:19

life, but the fact is that

00:45:21

another group is applying for this premises, like the

00:45:24

Central Academy plastics literature

00:45:27

and art abbreviated herons what herons

00:45:32

Yes what

00:45:38

[applause]

00:45:43

herons go away go

00:45:52

away Andrev se Andreevna, as I

00:45:55

understand it, the vice-mayor has two

00:45:59

nephews that’s exactly what

00:46:02

Sergei Vladimirovich great news from the

00:46:05

vice-mayor was just picked up thank God well let’s

00:46:08

get out of here get out of here Yes don't

00:46:10

scream let's get out of here everything everything

00:46:16

everything Let's get out of here thank God

00:46:18

Lord what a nightmare Ksenia Andreevna Well

00:46:20

thank God there is no one at last I can

00:46:24

ask you Yes and what What do you have there what is there

00:46:27

leave What is there What is there

00:46:37

[music]

00:46:49

[applause]

00:46:53

you So, friends, who remembers,

00:46:57

well, you probably recognize this apartment, that

00:47:00

same apartment from the nineties. And you

00:47:02

recognize this apartment. Yes, this is a modern,

00:47:04

absolutely modern apartment, and

00:47:06

We invite you to visit both

00:47:08

modern times and the nineties

00:47:11

[music] [applause]

00:47:17

at the same time so carefully dear

00:47:21

Sit down quietly quietly quietly quietly

00:47:25

quietly

00:47:28

Well here's our second one Oh now we

00:47:31

'll get 450,000 Well here's our second one

00:47:40

Oh so And where the elders need to introduce him to his brother

00:47:44

On the street you ca

00:47:47

n't drive football home And where the elders need him

00:47:49

introduce him to his brother Yes, in his room

00:47:52

all day long he plays on the computer, you won’t

00:47:53

kick

00:47:55

him out. Kolya’s cartoons

00:47:58

started, he rushed the whole

00:48:01

yard. Look how it should be, where we have RAU

00:48:08

f. Now there’s

00:48:13

one boy there, teacher Du, she

00:48:16

called him

00:48:18

names, she

00:48:25

kicked him out, she kicked him out, she yelled at him, she kicked him

00:48:29

out.

00:48:33

teacher, this is for washing the diaper Throw

00:48:37

it Listen, throw the diaper in the trash

00:48:40

Throw it away, I'm tired of washing these

00:48:43

diapers, someday they'll come up with

00:48:44

disposable ones, I threw it away and listened to everything, I'm

00:48:47

tired of buying these diapers Yes,

00:48:48

someday they'll come up with reusable ones, I've already

00:48:51

washed them and

00:48:54

I took pictures there, I'll

00:48:57

take them all tomorrow, they'll develop the films and we

00:49:00

will have 36 photos, oh, it’s a shame there

00:49:03

wasn’t enough film, but if only

00:49:05

they took more photos from the maternity hospital as a

00:49:07

souvenir, look. Estimate that I took 300 photos in the maternity hospital, that I should delete them

00:49:10

all or

00:49:13

leave a couple. Yes, delete them. I’ve already

00:49:17

posted everything and it’s correct, otherwise it’s just

00:49:23

taking up memory Hello, yes Hello Yes at home Already

00:49:31

Yeah Hello Yes no I’m walking down the street I have a

00:49:35

magpie wire on my phone

00:49:38

Well yes Everything is fine born on time

00:49:41

Mercury is in the third house according to numerology

00:49:44

thousandth zodiac sign Aries Yes everything is

00:49:47

fine yelling burping

00:49:51

sleeping husband and the husband was walking somewhere

00:49:55

He was drinking for 3 days, it seemed like my husband had already passed away, and that my husband

00:50:00

was with me, yes. We had a partner birth.

00:50:02

Yes, nothing seemed to happen, but I saw everything, he had

00:50:08

already moved away

00:50:11

normally. Well, listen

00:50:16

[music]

00:50:22

[music]

00:50:25

motion sickness

00:50:32

Look, he doesn’t close his eyes, but he’s stubborn

00:50:37

inside we are increasing

00:50:42

the amplitude of you now centrifugal force

00:50:46

eyelids Yes, he

00:50:53

will press you if he survives he will become an astronaut

00:50:58

Listen to the

00:51:00

motion sickness of the last century look at the new

00:51:04

technologies

00:51:06

pubs scooter selulka what for yourself

00:51:11

look chick Voila Oh and you do

00:51:17

n’t have to do anything at all You can grow your nails on your feet the

00:51:19

same as on your hands

00:51:21

what -doesn’t fall asleep doesn’t understand

00:51:26

the child in new technologies in the old way

00:51:38

let’s try Oh look look I think I

00:51:42

like his eyes

00:51:44

rolled up with pleasure Yeah with pleasure that

00:51:47

Listen what did you feed the older one While

00:51:50

I was away and fed him all sorts of food there I fed him all sorts of

00:51:54

different things I see

00:51:57

in the trash there are only candy wrappers from candy

00:51:59

bars. I told you you can’t eat this, it’s

00:52:03

poison, you know, I’ll have it for a

00:52:05

festive dinner today,

00:52:09

what’s this

00:52:14

a mixer, who the hell are you,

00:52:17

I borrowed the boys from the brigade for

00:52:22

six months, I’ll cut them

00:52:25

all up, don’t cut up what I’ll have to

00:52:29

give to Kolka Let him take

00:52:31

the brag to school now so that he loses it

00:52:34

there, we’d better fill it with plasticine and

00:52:37

put it in the sideboard to

00:52:40

crunch how are you doing at work? Yes,

00:52:43

everything is fine, one colleague was fired, what’s up

00:52:46

at work? How are you doing? Yes, it’s normal,

00:52:49

one guy was fired And what is he now

00:52:51

will sit at home and that he will now work at home

00:52:53

unemployed self-employed lazy

00:52:58

freelancer idiot Yeah

00:53:03

cryptocurrency guy Listen, I haven’t watched TV for a week,

00:53:06

what’s on there? There’s

00:53:08

nothing interesting to watch, 300 channels

00:53:10

Listen, I soldered a new antenna, the

00:53:15

handles are gold We don’t have two now

00:53:18

Now we will have three channels on

00:53:19

TV. Come on, you

00:53:22

can watch something all day long in a row. Come on. What do

00:53:25

we have there?

00:53:29

[applause]

00:53:35

bar, come on. What do we have here, spin the

00:53:44

drum? again he

00:53:49

came up with something new, don’t switch Well,

00:53:52

Kirkorov came up with something new again

00:53:54

Switch quickly

00:53:57

Listen, we haven’t come up with a name for him yet Yes, we haven’t come up with one

00:54:00

Let’s figure out what we

00:54:02

’ll call him Yes, well, I don’t know any

00:54:05

normal, common names Well, there’s Sasha

00:54:09

Seryozha Vasya Fedya

00:54:12

Valera Well, there are a lot of normal

00:54:15

simple names Kazimir Platon Yaropolk

00:54:20

Svyatoslav Sava Miron Dobrynya you call

00:54:25

him Erema Listen here, who

00:54:32

called you that mom or

00:54:34

dad both Think

00:54:37

dad for fun mom is weak with

00:54:41

no understanding What is your name or what? I don’t

00:54:44

like it Yes I like it Yes I generally

00:54:47

like everything And in general Thank you for

00:54:51

that Yes for the sun

00:54:55

Thank you remember you bought me this expensive

00:54:58

suit Abas And I myself went without

00:55:00

teeth because when I found out that I smoke I

00:55:04

didn’t scold me but immediately hit me I

00:55:07

immediately

00:55:09

quit for raising me using the

00:55:13

bullwhip method Listen ba, maybe the future is with us And

00:55:17

look how cool our cradles

00:55:18

swing themselves Nicker owls Fill up with 300

00:55:22

channels on

00:55:25

TV

00:55:27

and mothers will be how old in your time

00:55:30

Well, it turns out 55

00:55:33

and in my time

00:55:37

25

00:55:40

twenty-fifth anniversary than 300 channels on

00:55:47

[music] [applause]

00:55:55

TV

00:55:56

[music]

00:56:05

according to wives, whatever the men would amuse themselves with, as long as they

00:56:10

don’t

00:56:14

[music]

00:56:19

amuse themselves. Are you crazy or something? Why did

00:56:22

you decide to drink in the middle of the day so

00:56:26

purely for

00:56:28

prevention of blood vessels to expand there

00:56:31

Lord, an adult, and you say such things,

00:56:33

you want to expand blood vessels. Well,

00:56:36

take a pill and that’s all medicine. Well,

00:56:39

what pills? Well, what are you talking about? It’s

00:56:41

chemistry, your pills, here’s an apiary

00:56:45

honey, a cure for all diseases, the purest

00:56:48

natural product, the Egyptian

00:56:50

pharaohs were treated with honey. Well, where are these pharaohs

00:56:55

now

00:56:58

recovered, scientific medicine is what

00:57:01

drives Progress in

00:57:04

1847 they invented anesthesia 1928

00:57:09

they invented antibiotics

00:57:13

medicine

00:57:15

2002 after a liter I fell from the third floor

00:57:19

without a

00:57:21

scratch 2010 after a liter I got into an

00:57:25

ice hole in an

00:57:26

hour they pulled me out I didn’t even have a runny nose

00:57:31

so ask you I sometimes run in the morning

00:57:33

So the doctor prescribed me some pills,

00:57:36

I literally took them for a week and

00:57:39

that’s all this morning - five with a personal

00:57:41

record. Oh, there is a simpler and faster way,

00:57:46

you approach and kick the bee

00:57:49

hive and run, the record is

00:57:55

guaranteed. I was here recently, 51 was 5

00:57:59

km from wine-vodka

00:58:05

casa smoke This is a

00:58:12

record Come on, Lord,

00:58:15

wine-vodka came up with some kind of thing I used

00:58:17

to wear glasses, my eyesight was no good at all,

00:58:19

so the doctor prescribed me some drops,

00:58:23

and all my vision is perfect

00:58:27

bees, bees and eyesight improve, yes

00:58:31

you should just drink it once in a can of Coke you don’t

00:58:34

notice the bee, then you start to

00:58:38

see right through everything, it’s all a temporary improvement, a

00:58:40

local effect, so to speak, of vodka,

00:58:43

you drink in general, in principle, you look at life

00:58:45

differently,

00:58:46

in principle, yes. Well, okay, my eyesight.

00:58:51

Previously, I was generally bald, so the doctor prescribed it for me;

00:58:59

and then

00:59:02

honey honey on your head you smear everything then any

00:59:05

wig will stick So you won’t tear it off

00:59:08

pull pull pull pull pull with

00:59:17

pleasure honey you say

00:59:25

yes underestimate Well, propolis by the way

00:59:28

about the policy you will lose your policy And all this is

00:59:32

your official scientific medicine,

00:59:34

no one needs it to hell if you have a policy no yes

00:59:36

yes well Stop it If it weren’t for the pills, a

00:59:39

million people would have already died, if it weren’t for

00:59:42

the vodka, a million people wouldn’t even

00:59:49

have been born [music] I’ll tell you what, I’m not

00:59:55

only still fat, so it means that then

00:59:58

they prescribed me special pills I’m

01:00:00

half a year old 40 kg as it never happened

01:00:04

and my

01:00:07

neighbor drank for 3 weeks

01:00:10

Yeah cars as if it never happened the apartment and wife

01:00:14

as it never happened only the wife weighed 80 kg and

01:00:17

there the car apartments

01:00:19

can be measured in tons yes yes that means vodka

01:00:23

destroys families and bees don’t destroy families

01:00:26

Yes what did you get, how are these bees? Well, well,

01:00:29

the story is actually a story, a famous

01:00:32

girl, one girl is having a wedding. Well, there’s a

01:00:35

wedding planned, and then a

01:00:37

bumblebee flies in to grab her and

01:00:39

takes the whole wedding to a tree, no, what kind of girl are you

01:00:42

carrying, and milk?

01:00:45

Well, yes What does a bumblebee have to do with a beetle there

01:00:49

was a bumblebee beetle I can’t tell them apart I may

01:00:53

be entomologically colorblind

01:00:56

By the way, listen Well that’s enough and I’m tired of waiting for

01:00:59

how long you can wait Well we have a

01:01:01

man there already a patient lying on the

01:01:03

operating table, not a surgeon or

01:01:05

an anesthesiologist I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m

01:01:09

sorry time time VM fill in

01:01:12

Well, well, you have a client on the table And

01:01:16

I have a client at the table for half an hour

01:01:18

waiting for pizza It was nice to meet you

01:01:21

[music]

01:01:24

at

01:01:27

[music]

01:01:35

when Fiz teacher Sidorov fell asleep in the gym,

01:01:39

joyful children jumped over the

01:01:44

goat for an hour Hello everyone,

01:01:52

hello

01:01:54

drums What are you uh what started something E

01:02:00

you what What is

01:02:01

uh so Petrov they were the first

01:02:05

to start what are you allowing yourself to be the first

01:02:08

to start is that you have been studying for 20 years At our

01:02:10

school does not give you the right to sit at the

01:02:12

teacher’s

01:02:14

table Go to your place on

01:02:22

me there my legs can’t fit my

01:02:26

legs can’t fit in, sit down Lord, what are you

01:02:29

even doing here, you know I’m studying very well,

01:02:32

I’m not talking about that. You have physical education

01:02:35

now, I can’t go to physical education. I have

01:02:38

blood pressure and

01:02:41

knees. Lord, when will you finish our school then

01:02:43

Well, you know perfectly well

01:02:46

Ksenia Andreevna Moya situation I when

01:02:49

my father, an oligarch, was divorcing his mother, he

01:02:51

signed a paper that they would pay me 300,000

01:02:53

a month until I finished school, no

01:02:57

one pulled his tongue

01:03:01

at all, so all the children and Petrov are writing

01:03:11

the test

01:03:12

Kuznetsova Kuznetsova

01:03:15

that give the phone number to your mother

01:03:20

no, Petrov Why don’t you you write

01:03:24

nothing, but I need a D in math,

01:03:28

something I decided in the fifth grade to

01:03:30

stay here for another year, it’s cool, in general,

01:03:32

I need you in the lessons, you’re of no use

01:03:35

after school, also by the way, the fifth one, after

01:03:38

school, we’ll go wash the corridors So wait,

01:03:40

wait a minute, Senya Drevna won’t

01:03:42

go anywhere our class will not wash anything

01:03:44

this is why this is because this is the exploitation of

01:03:46

child labor a criminal

01:03:48

offense crucian carp article from part

01:03:51

two up to 9 years old

01:03:54

beautiful

01:03:56

so

01:03:58

we are writing a test Petrov we have already entered into your

01:04:01

position we have already allowed you to smoke through the

01:04:04

window

01:04:05

of labor we are no longer forcing a first-grader

01:04:07

to carry you on September 1st on

01:04:09

myself because your arthritis sounds

01:04:11

louder than a bell Well, come into our

01:04:14

situation, our indicators are still

01:04:16

falling after finishing our school Ksenia

01:04:21

Andreevna you yourself are not dumb and you are

01:04:24

so old you go to school I will

01:04:26

study at this school so that my children

01:04:28

had the opportunity to study in

01:04:30

England 300,000 Wow, where can I

01:04:33

find such a job, especially since the working

01:04:36

day is from 8:00 to 12:00

01:04:39

that vacation is always in the summer for 3

01:04:44

months, especially since I’m in the Guinness Book of Records,

01:04:47

by the way, twice okay, yes, as the

01:04:50

only third grader in who has

01:04:52

already had

01:04:54

sex, firstly

01:04:56

and secondly,

01:04:58

the only one

01:05:13

[music]

01:05:24

fifth-graders second year Lord Petrov, how are

01:05:27

you annoying us, kip, what are you

01:05:30

starting with? I don’t

01:05:31

know kip, I was 20 years ago when I was

01:05:34

sitting here with you at the same desk now I’m

01:05:37

Kipriyanov Maxim Nikolaevich is the director of a

01:05:39

school somewhere, by the way, you’re studying somewhere. In

01:05:41

short, your father called, he put pressure on

01:05:45

someone in the Ministry of Education

01:05:47

and now it will be like this. Either I’m leaving

01:05:51

this school as a director or you

01:05:53

’re leaving as a student, which is serious Uh-huh That’s

01:05:57

tough. Well,

01:06:00

then everything changes. Then I’ll be

01:06:04

happy to continue my studies with another

01:06:08

director, especially since I graduate from school, I got

01:06:10

a D in the exam, you don’t care,

01:06:14

your dad also calculated this question and

01:06:16

decided wisely that it’s

01:06:19

easier for him to pay 300,000 every month to each of the

01:06:22

teachers alone pay 100 times

01:06:25

100.000 Yeah,

01:06:27

100.000 three times less than me in general

01:06:31

right Petrov three times algebra p and

01:06:35

you said you won’t

01:06:36

pass Yes, I’m parallel in general to

01:06:39

geometry

01:06:40

p Yes, I don’t give a damn about all of this drums and

01:06:44

music

01:06:46

Five, this is purple for me drawing, why do

01:06:50

I need this, well finish I teto for the

01:06:55

fifth

01:06:57

grade horseradish Botany

01:07:00

five is going well Petro E you

01:07:04

hesitated hesitation physics n wait in the

01:07:08

fifth grade there is no physics external five

01:07:10

Yes Petro Yes damn damn the girls are working hard,

01:07:17

what's going on, uh, well, come on,

01:07:20

pick up a synonym Ask me what

01:07:22

I’ll do Chernyshevsky’s work for you, yeah,

01:07:24

now I’m an idiot,

01:07:26

Dostoevsky literature,

01:07:28

and whatever you’re doing, I’ll

01:07:33

do it, someone took aim at the ethics and

01:07:35

psychology of family life. Well,

01:07:39

come on, okay, Ksenia Andreevna. Look,

01:07:42

Petrov himself did the

01:07:46

work for the boys with his own hands. in my opinion, we

01:07:49

have

01:07:50

medals Congratulations, you are a

01:07:54

graduate, now you are with us Well,

01:08:00

finally, finally today we

01:08:03

say goodbye to our Petrov and see

01:08:05

him off through his adult

01:08:10

life Karasev Let

01:08:14

all roads be open to you, you can fulfill all your

01:08:18

dreams, don’t stand like a stump in front of the school threshold

01:08:21

Let's quickly get out of here

01:08:24

You're

01:08:27

a brood And there was a crucian carp history of

01:08:32

Ancient Rome five trodates

01:08:39

[music]

01:08:40

[applause] [music]

01:08:43

[applause]

01:08:46

[music]

01:08:54

genius

01:08:57

[applause]

01:08:58

[music]

01:09:00

Tourist Andrei in a medieval castle

01:09:03

kissed a dead princess and realized that

01:09:06

he is not a prince So well, gentlemen,

01:09:09

let's pass and

01:09:11

continue our tour of the

01:09:13

Mikhailovsky Palace, right now we

01:09:16

are in the very room in which

01:09:18

Emperor Paul I Dada was killed and

01:09:21

there are even rumors that his Ghost still

01:09:23

lives in these

01:09:24

walls of the 21st century, what kind of Ghosts Well, what kind of

01:09:27

nonsense in general, how the hell do these

01:09:32

excursions for 200 years have no peace for me? Pavel was

01:09:36

short in stature, he was ugly and with a

01:09:38

very aggressive character. Look at yourself,

01:09:41

it was in this corner that the conspirators

01:09:44

killed the emperor. Yes, not in that, but in this

01:09:47

And please tell us how exactly he was

01:09:49

killed, he was killed with a blow to the

01:09:51

head from a snuffbox, after all, nicotine shortens life,

01:09:54

yes Area

01:09:56

o mand in my palace, soldiers and

01:10:00

peasants, by the way, Paul I was the

01:10:03

only head of the Masonic lodge in Russia,

01:10:06

literate and first of all Don’t lie, but do

01:10:11

n’t put Pavel pe a

01:10:15

Peter Man, don’t bother me, but let me

01:10:18

listen. But this armless man is

01:10:20

Pavel I, a young man. Well, put

01:10:22

this right now, subor and subor,

01:10:25

and that he has no arms, he seems to have no eye.

01:10:29

Stop it, yes, but this emperor is,

01:10:33

as it were, nothing human

01:10:34

was alien to him, he ate there, drank there, toilet

01:10:38

straight and to the right,

01:10:40

merci, by the way, dear friends, Suvorov was

01:10:43

the only person whom Pavel

01:10:45

loved and respected very much, let’s move

01:10:47

on

01:10:48

please, palace steps. Slippery,

01:10:51

sprinkle sand there, I don’t know

01:10:54

what.

01:10:56

Great, man, are you an animator here?

01:11:00

you’re working Yes And what do you see me

01:11:05

Of course I haven’t used brake fluid for 10 years I

01:11:08

see just wait Well if you

01:11:11

see me it means you’re also a ghost But

01:11:14

you need to get off the brake [ __ ]

01:11:17

ghost what the hell has sunk or what kind of

01:11:20

ghost are you Tamara Arkadyevna there’s a

01:11:22

man with of your excursion,

01:11:24

fell down the stairs and

01:11:27

killed himself, it’s boring, I mean, this is me,

01:11:32

this is me,

01:11:35

Welcome to my palace with my

01:11:40

neighbors, Lord, finally I

01:11:43

can talk to at least

01:11:47

someone, 2 months have passed

01:11:51

[music]

01:11:54

you can’t swing on the chair,

01:11:56

you’ll break it By the way, my great-grandfather

01:11:59

Pyotr Alekseevich brought it from Holland with his own hands.

01:12:04

Well, gentlemen, let's pass,

01:12:09

let's pass, here we are in the very

01:12:13

room in which a couple of weeks ago

01:12:17

a man was killed right on the stairs Yes,

01:12:20

you're not not not not directly killed killed in a

01:12:24

coma lying in a coma is lying here right there or

01:12:25

something? Well, no, well, now in the hospital in a

01:12:27

coma, everything is fine Yes, it’s okay that

01:12:30

the emperor

01:12:32

was killed here. Lord, why,

01:12:35

why do

01:12:37

hundreds of people from different countries of the

01:12:40

world pass through my palace every day? Why do I know the head off this

01:12:43

redneck who doesn’t even I don’t know a word

01:12:46

in French, I don’t know, I don’t know the word

01:12:49

zagina finger, count it so

01:12:54

it means n

01:12:56

Normandy Champagne Provence Come on, gas

01:13:02

horse ate five French words, you

01:13:06

sir Jester and buffoon get out of the

01:13:08

Imperial chair, Your

01:13:11

Majesty And we remember the result of the last game

01:13:14

of borax No at all I

01:13:17

can sit here for another month You understand me, you can’t

01:13:20

sit here simply because you’re an

01:13:22

idiot

01:13:24

Stupid What a fool I don’t know And you haven’t been

01:13:27

able to checkmate me for 2 months now, no,

01:13:30

you know perfectly well that I can’t

01:13:31

checkmate because I’m a ghost and

01:13:35

I can’t move the figures, it’s boring with you

01:13:38

at all Let’s have some fun

01:13:41

[music]

01:13:42

uh man, what are you

01:13:46

allowing yourself to do in general? Well, what is this, what is it,

01:13:51

well, what is it? Well, aren’t you

01:13:54

ashamed? Well, when I was a man, I

01:13:57

wasn’t ashamed of such things, but now

01:14:00

especially my God, well, you had a mother,

01:14:03

well, somehow she raised you, listen to

01:14:05

the little bastard, don’t touch my mother, I understand. Yes,

01:14:09

you’d better take care of yours, what, what, what, Irka

01:14:13

Allegrova told us everything,

01:14:16

look me in the eye, I’ll even cut my own veins I

01:14:20

can’t, why am I able to

01:14:23

endure your death all the time now? I haven’t

01:14:26

died yet, I’m like in

01:14:28

a coma, I never thought that I would say this

01:14:31

strange fantastic phrase, but I really

01:14:34

hope for the success of Russian

01:14:37

medicine. Hey,

01:14:41

Pasha Pablo

01:14:44

poga

01:14:46

poshte Well, come on, I don’t know Well, well let me

01:14:49

play cards or something. Come on,

01:14:51

give everything away,

01:14:56

wait something something heart what What kind of

01:15:00

heart are you a ghost and

01:15:02

heartless not just a heart and I feel and

01:15:07

hear some voices urgently Call a doctor here a person is

01:15:13

coming out of a coma wait where are you E Where have you been for

01:15:18

another 2

01:15:19

weeks Well, gentlemen, we

01:15:23

are passing in this very place where

01:15:26

Emperor Paul I was killed, yes Not on this, but

01:15:28

here he was killed. Pavel was short in

01:15:31

stature, he was ugly and with a very

01:15:33

aggressive character, he

01:15:35

had a normal character, a normal man in general.

01:15:37

Man you speak as if you

01:15:38

played preference with him and know him personally

01:15:41

Lord, let's pass, let's

01:15:45

pass

01:15:46

Pash Pasha paga Pablo

01:15:51

poshti I know somewhere Here,

01:15:55

in short, think about it, they pumped me out, I

01:15:57

heard you Russian

01:16:02

medicine is Pash Well, I made a surprise for you,

01:16:08

look knight

01:16:11

25

01:16:14

Checkmate yes You won me

01:16:16

Pash in short yes Peace Friendship

01:16:20

And in short if you are

01:16:23

soen Give some kind of sign Pasha

01:16:27

please

01:16:29

e Man are you

01:16:43

impudent Thank you Pash

01:16:46

all this Pash I have a gift for you

01:16:50

made with my own

01:16:53

hands

01:16:58

Man What are you doing this tea

01:17:03

[applause]

01:17:06

[music ]

01:17:10

[applause]

01:17:13

[music]

01:17:23

about

01:17:25

[music]

01:17:35

2

Description:

Отмечаем День Рождения Дмитрия Брекоткина вместе! Любимые номера и образы: мальчик Витя, Тамара Игоревна, папа Полины, врач - в праздничном сборнике «Избранное». 00:00 – Начало 00:04 – Мальчик Витя уснул 08:42 – Запретные темы 16:33 – Семейка. 8 марта 26:38 – Распределение по котлам 34:12 – Полина делает уроки 40:37 – Сурикаты 46:53 – 90-е и наши дни 56:05 – Методы лечения 1:01:35 – Многогодник 1:09:00 – Привидение Подпишись на канал: https://www.youtube.com/c/ProPelmeny?sub_confirmation=1 Билеты без наценки на https://pelmeny.net/ Читай все наши новости, смотри фото, участвуй в конкурсах и узнавай обо всех событиях в команде в наших сообществах ⇛ ВК: http://vk.com/pelmeny_tv ⇛ Telegram: https://t.me/pelmenynet ⇛ Одноклассники: http://ok.ru/pelmeny ⇛ Twitter: https://twitter.com/Pelmeny ⇛ Мой Мир: https://my.mail.ru/community/ural_pelmeny/

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