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Video tags
Subtitles
Russian
00:00:13
♪♪00:01:55
(UPBEAT MUSIC)00:02:02
(DOG BARKING)00:02:14
(WHISTLING)00:02:24
Make the same.
It's good for you.00:02:25
Spring air.00:02:28
The way you're gulping it up,
there won't be enough left
to go around.00:02:31
Isn't it very hot
for so early in April,
Dr. Gurkakoff?00:02:34
I'm not surprised.00:02:36
This recent bombardment
by ions from the sun.00:02:39
You see, temperature is due
to the quantity
of molecular...00:02:42
Hey, hey. Stop, stop,00:02:44
if you don't
want me to retaliate00:02:46
by reciting all
the tributary branches
of the Amazon.00:02:49
Incredible that
only last week00:02:51
we were drawing lots
for our hot water bottle.00:02:52
Observe the forsythia
or golden bell.00:02:56
I never knew it
to bloom so early.00:03:04
(BELLS RINGING)00:03:06
Gentlemen. Gentlemen.00:03:10
It's 8:46, gentlemen.00:03:11
Oh, Potts.00:03:13
Just once more
around the park.00:03:14
Before we go back
to our mausoleum.00:03:16
I saw a scarlet tanager00:03:19
which must have flown
all the way from Florida
just to enjoy it.00:03:22
1,500 miles. Yes.00:03:23
Our constitutional
has taken up too
much time already.00:03:26
We're working
under pressure.00:03:28
After nine years
of effort we are,00:03:30
as the race track
enthusiast might say,00:03:31
in the home stretch.00:03:33
Three more years
and our encyclopedia
will be finished.00:03:35
Let's not bog down
in the middle of
the letter "S."00:03:37
PROFESSOR: All right.
All right. That's done it.00:03:39
It's now 8:49, gentlemen.00:03:41
I, for one,
am going back to work.00:03:42
Teacher's pet!00:03:44
Bertram Potts,
the incorruptible.00:03:45
The eternal no-no man.00:03:47
Back home.
Back home.00:03:48
Oh, well,
it may be raining
this afternoon, anyway.00:03:51
(WHISTLING)00:04:11
Good morning,
Miss Bragg.00:04:12
Good morning,
Miss Bragg.00:04:13
Good morning,
Miss Bragg.00:04:14
Good morning,
Professor.00:04:16
Good morning,
Miss Bragg.00:04:17
Good morning.00:04:18
Good morning,
Miss Bragg.00:04:20
Good morning,
Professor.00:04:23
Gentlemen,
before you get down to work,
I have got something to say.00:04:27
One of you made off with
a jar of strawberry preserves00:04:29
from my pantry last night.00:04:30
I located the empty
jar on the shelf behind00:04:32
The Decline and Fall
of the Roman Empire.00:04:35
That seems to
indicate our historian,
Professor Peagram.00:04:38
I did no such thing,
Miss Bragg.00:04:39
I'm not accusing anybody,00:04:41
but until it's
cleared up,00:04:42
I think
we'll dispense
with jam for breakfast.00:04:44
Miss Bragg.00:04:46
Yes, Professor Oddly.00:04:47
I am the one.00:04:48
I was writing
about strawberries00:04:51
when suddenly I got
a horrible craving.00:04:53
A crime confessed
is half atoned.00:04:57
Miss Bragg. Miss Bragg.00:04:59
I--I--I had
some material here.00:05:01
What--What--What
happened to it?00:05:02
What happened?00:05:04
I blushed for my duster
when I did your desk.00:05:06
You'll find everything
in the middle drawer,
face down.00:05:09
I'm just starting
my article on sex,
Miss Bragg. Any objections?00:05:14
No, I trust you have
more control of yourself
than Professor Oddly.00:05:22
Professor Gurkakoff,
your window shade again.00:05:24
Yes, Miss Bragg.00:05:27
It's a crime
to carelessly
expose this good carpet.00:05:29
You've just committed
a more serious crime,
Miss Bragg.00:05:32
You have split an infinitive.00:05:34
Never "to carelessly expose."
Always "to expose carelessly."00:05:37
I'm not here
to juggle words.00:05:39
It's my job
to conscientiously
see that this house...00:05:42
Whoa, you've just split
another one, Miss Bragg.00:05:44
Oh, oh. Professor...00:05:45
Here's whatchamacallit. Who?00:05:46
The lawyer for the Foundation.00:05:48
And Miss Totten's with him.00:05:50
And this place looking
like a flicker's nest.00:05:52
Yes, we're in for our
semi-annual wigging,
I suppose.00:05:56
You'd better put
your coat on, Potts. POTTS: Why? What...00:05:57
Better fix your tie.00:05:59
Fix your hair,
fix your hair.00:06:00
Say,
what is all
this nonsense?00:06:01
GURKAKOFF: This nonsense
is Miss Totten.00:06:03
JEROME: And will you
please smile at her?00:06:04
Say, this is all
very undignified.00:06:06
If you think
you're being funny, I... Shh!00:06:10
Morning, gentlemen.00:06:11
ALL: Good morning.00:06:13
Won't you sit here,
Miss Totten?00:06:15
It's a very nice morning,
Miss Totten.00:06:17
Would you like to speak,
Miss Totten,
or shall I?00:06:19
You, please, Mr. Larsen.00:06:21
I'll make this as
brief as possible,
gentlemen.00:06:23
To date,
$283,000 have been expended
in writing this encyclopedia.00:06:29
You all realize that
Miss Totten's father,
the late Daniel S. Totten,00:06:33
left only a quarter
of a million dollars
for this project.00:06:35
Every additional
penny will have to come00:06:37
from Miss Totten's
own pocket.00:06:39
We would like a frank estimate
of how much longer
you will take.00:06:43
Maybe three years,
maybe four.00:06:45
It cannot be.
It just cannot be.00:06:48
Oh, my dear Miss Totten,00:06:50
you wouldn't discontinue
your father's great gesture00:06:52
towards human enlightenment?00:06:55
"Human enlightenment."
What nonsense,
Professor Jerome.00:06:57
Papa had just one
reason for ever starting
this unfortunate enterprise.00:07:00
Vanity.00:07:02
He broke a blood vessel
because he found
his name was omitted00:07:04
from
the Encyclopedia Britannica.00:07:06
Because 30 pages were devoted
to Thomas Alva Edison,00:07:09
17 to Alexander Graham Bell,00:07:11
but not one line
to Daniel S. Totten,00:07:13
the inventor of
the electric toaster.00:07:17
In our encyclopedia,00:07:20
Mr. Totten shall receive
an appropriate
amount of space.00:07:23
PROFESSORS:
Yes, of course.
Oh, yes, yes.00:07:25
Three quarters of a page,
I should think.00:07:26
Three quarters of a page?00:07:28
That's all he deserves. Is it?00:07:29
You may go on, Mr. Larsen.00:07:31
All we ask is
that you bring
this thing to a close00:07:34
somehow or the other.00:07:35
Get on with it.
Slap it together.00:07:36
Mr. Larsen,
may I have a word?00:07:39
Hello, Professor Potts.00:07:40
Hello, Miss Totten.00:07:43
Mr. Larsen, you said,
"Slap it together."00:07:47
We're not
the slapping together kind.00:07:49
We have started
an encyclopedia,00:07:51
and we shall finish it
as thoroughly as
is humanly possible.00:07:53
Another $100,000?00:07:55
If necessary, yes.00:07:56
If our work goes slowly
it's because the world,
it goes so fast.00:08:00
Take Professor Jerome,
our geographer.00:08:02
He has to
rewrite all the time.00:08:03
And Dr. Magenbruch... LARSEN:
I'm not interested.00:08:05
Don't interrupt,
Mr. Larsen.00:08:07
Go on, Professor.00:08:10
I'm-- I'm sure it's your
wish that this monument00:08:12
to your father be finished
as nobly as it was begun.00:08:17
Uh...00:08:19
I'm appealing to you,
Miss Totten,00:08:22
to your vision
and to your heart.00:08:24
Maybe I'm
a little inarticulate,00:08:26
but I've always
regarded you as a...00:08:29
Yes, Professor?00:08:32
Always regarded you as a...00:08:34
(EXCLAIMING)00:08:35
Oh, Professor.00:08:40
You know what I mean,
Miss Totten.00:08:41
Yes.00:08:43
I warn you, Miss Totten,
another four years
of this, with...00:08:46
After all,
it was Father's wish.00:08:48
But, gentlemen,
you will hurry00:08:50
and finish
the encyclopedia,
won't you?00:08:52
ALL: We will.
Yes, yes, indeed.00:08:55
Uh...00:08:56
Last year,
when all the other professors
came to my musical,00:09:00
where were you,
Professor Potts?00:09:03
Uh, uh, sinus.
But I shall be there
this year.00:09:06
I shall look forward
to seeing you again.00:09:08
Goodbye.00:09:10
Goodbye.00:09:11
ALL: Goodbye, madam.
Good day.00:09:16
(MUTTERING EXCITEDLY)00:09:18
That maneuver down my spine
was very unnecessary.00:09:21
Was it, my dear Potts?00:09:22
Didn't it work?00:09:23
MAN: Hi.00:09:25
I hope you don't mind.00:09:26
I came through the kitchen.00:09:28
POTTS: Who are you?00:09:29
I'm the garbage man.00:09:31
I want to find out something
about Cleopatra.00:09:33
Cleopatra? Yeah.00:09:35
This is some kind of
a library or school,
isn't it?00:09:37
Neither, we are
writing an encyclopedia.00:09:39
Icyclo-what?00:09:41
An encyclopedia.00:09:42
A work which
endeavors to compile00:09:43
and catalog all
human knowledge.00:09:44
Say, that's just what I need.00:09:46
MISS BRAGG: Young man,
did you come
through my kitchen?00:09:49
That's right, sister. I'm not your sister,
and you get out.00:09:51
Oh, now...00:09:52
Miss Bragg.00:09:53
Please, Miss Bragg,
we find this
intensely interesting.00:09:55
Go on, please.00:09:56
You can't tell me
he's not infested
with germs.00:09:58
Then go and get
your gas mask.00:09:59
Now, shoo, scat, skedaddle.00:10:01
Please, won't you
take a seat?00:10:02
Thanks, bo.00:10:04
I seen all these books
through the window,00:10:06
and I figured
that maybe you
can help me out.00:10:08
In what way, young man?00:10:10
With this quizzola
they got on the radio.00:10:11
This what? Quizzola?00:10:12
Korn Krunchies Quiz-Quiz.00:10:14
Send in 100 box covers,
and you stand to
make a little dough.00:10:17
Well, with my opportunities,
I got about 3,000
box covers together.00:10:21
Only some of the answers
you have to send
in to the questions.00:10:23
You know, like true or false.00:10:25
(STUTTERING)
You have
those questions here?00:10:26
Yeah, sure.00:10:27
Well, that's
very interesting.00:10:31
"Question one.
Cleopatra died...00:10:34
"A. From swallowing a needle.00:10:36
"B. From snake bite.00:10:38
"C. From hiccups."00:10:40
That's my province.
I cover history.00:10:43
The correct answer is "B."00:10:46
Cleopatra, queen of Egypt,
daughter of
Ptolemy XIII, born 69 BC,00:10:50
killed herself
on the 29th day
of August, 30 BC,00:10:53
by placing
an asp to her bosom.00:10:55
A what?00:10:56
An asp.00:10:58
A small snake.00:10:59
Well, patch my pantywaist.00:11:01
Well, well, next.00:11:02
"Which way would you say it?00:11:04
"Two and two is five.00:11:06
"Two and two are five.00:11:08
"Two and two makes five."00:11:09
Professor Potts
covers English.00:11:12
Did you hear
the question, Potts?00:11:13
I did.00:11:15
As the verb
is always
governed by the subject,00:11:16
the correct answer is,
"Two and two are five."00:11:19
Potts.00:11:20
Oh, no, Potts.00:11:22
Correct for
a grammarian perhaps,
but not for a mathematician.00:11:25
Two and two are four.00:11:27
(ALL CHUCKLING)00:11:28
That's a good one.00:11:30
Nobody's gonna get that.00:11:31
Well, I certainly am obliged.00:11:33
I could use a bundle
of scratch right now00:11:35
on account of I met
me a mouse last week.00:11:37
Mouse? What a pair of gams.00:11:38
A little in, a little out,
and a little more out...00:11:41
I am still
completely mystified.00:11:42
Well, with this dish
on me hands00:11:44
and them giving
away 25 smackaroos
on that quizzola.00:11:46
Smackaroos?00:11:48
Smackaroos?
What are smackaroos?00:11:50
A smackaroo is a...00:11:51
No such word exists.00:11:52
Oh, it don't, huh?
A smackaroo is a dollar, pal.00:11:56
Well, the accepted vulgarism
for a dollar is a buck.00:11:58
The accepted vulgarism
for a smackaroo is a dollar.00:12:02
That goes for a banger,
a fish, a buck or a rug.00:12:05
Well, what about the mouse?00:12:06
The mouse is the dish.00:12:08
That's what I
need the moolah for.00:12:09
Moolah? Yeah, the dough.00:12:10
We'll be stepping.
Me and this smooch...
l mean, the dish,00:12:13
I mean, the mouse. You know,
hit the jiggles for
a little rum boogie.00:12:15
Please, please,
not so fast.00:12:17
Brother, we're going to have
some hoytoytoy.00:12:18
PROFESSORS: Hoytoytoy?00:12:20
Yeah, and if you
want that one explained,
you go ask your papas.00:12:23
(HORN HONKING)00:12:27
That's Archie.
His water's getting hot.00:12:30
Well, thanks again, gents.00:12:31
And if you ever
want to get into
a contest sometime,00:12:34
just call on me.00:12:36
Maybe you've got the brains,
but I got the box covers.00:12:39
PROFESSORS: Goodbye.00:12:40
Goodbye, come again.00:12:43
Well, kind of
a breezy fellow, isn't he?00:12:46
(MUMBLING IN AGREEMENT)00:12:47
He seems a most
likeable gentleman.00:12:48
Yes.00:12:49
And I'm an idiot.00:12:51
Idiot? Why? Why?00:12:52
Miss Bragg. Miss Bragg!00:12:54
What's the matter, Potts? Well, what's...00:12:55
I'm going out.00:12:56
PROFESSORS: Going out?00:12:58
What's your prognosis
on the weather, Gurkakoff?00:13:00
Light showers toward
the evening, but...00:13:01
MISS BRAGG: Yes,
Professor Potts?00:13:02
Miss Bragg,
my hat and my mackintosh.00:13:04
And put my luncheon sandwich
in the pocket.00:13:05
But... Immediately.00:13:07
Yes, sir. What's happened?00:13:08
What do you mean
you're going out, Potts?00:13:09
Where are you going?00:13:10
Research.00:13:11
Research? What research?00:13:13
The garbage man.
Didn't you hear him?00:13:14
PROFESSORS: Yes.00:13:15
Well, I didn't quite
understand all he said.00:13:18
Nor did I. And it's
catastrophic, gentlemen,
catastrophic.00:13:21
PROFESSORS:
Why? How so?00:13:23
I've just finished
my article on slang.00:13:25
Twenty-three pages compiled
from a dozen reference books.00:13:28
Eight hundred examples. Well?00:13:30
Everything
from the idiotic
combination "absotively"00:13:32
to the pejorative
use of "zigzag."00:13:34
I traced
the evolution of "hunky dory,"00:13:36
tracked down
"skiddo" from "skedaddle."00:13:39
Eight hundred
examples and I may as well
throw it in the waste basket.00:13:41
Three weeks' work.00:13:43
PROFESSOR:
Potts, you're hysterical.00:13:44
Outmoded.00:13:45
Based on reference
books 20 years old.00:13:47
Take "smooch."
Take "dish." Take...00:13:50
Hoytoytoy? Hoytoytoy.
Not one of them included.00:13:53
Living in this house
cut off from the world,
I've lost touch.00:13:56
And it's inexcusable.00:13:58
That man talked
a living language.00:13:59
I embalmed some dead phrases.00:14:01
But where are you going?00:14:02
Out to collect new data,00:14:04
to tap the sources of slang,
the major sources.00:14:07
The streets. The slums.00:14:09
The theatrical and
allied professions.00:14:10
Oh, now, Potts,
don't you think that...00:14:12
I know it's regrettable,
this loss of time, gentlemen,00:14:14
but it must be done.00:14:18
Leave the key
under the mat.00:14:19
I won't be home
before 9:00.00:14:20
Yes, sir.00:14:23
I'm writing about
the planet Saturn.00:14:26
Do I insist on going
to the planet Saturn?00:14:28
(PROFESSORS CHUCKLING)00:14:30
Maybe my data on sex
is a little outdated, too.00:14:35
Just a moment, please.00:14:37
Do you mind if I
ride along with you?00:14:39
Hop on, buddy.00:14:42
Extra! Extra!00:14:43
Nab Benny the Creep
in cement killing!00:14:45
Read all about it.00:14:47
Corpse's dogs
dunked into cement.00:14:48
Extra! Extra!00:14:49
Ice-pick killing!00:14:51
Link Benny
the Creep with Big Tom!00:14:52
Extra! Extra!00:14:54
Seek man behind the man
behind the murder ring!00:14:56
Extra! Extra!00:15:00
Hey, what are you,
checking up on
me or something?00:15:02
Four words, blitz it, mister.00:15:04
Blitz it, will you?
You give me the mimis.00:15:05
"Mimis"?00:15:06
Yeah, the screaming mimis.00:15:07
Extremely picturesque.00:15:09
Young man,
could I interest you
in a research project00:15:10
in which you
could be very helpful?00:15:12
And what you promoting?00:15:13
Some kind of reform school?00:15:15
If you would
come to this address
at 9:30 tomorrow morning,00:15:17
you'd be doing
society a definite service.00:15:19
Who are you anyway?
Father Flanagan?00:15:22
(INAUDIBLE)00:15:35
(ALL CHEERING)00:16:02
(INAUDIBLE)00:16:17
(BIG BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC)00:16:42
(AUDIENCE ALL APPLAUDING)00:16:53
♪ Boogie!00:16:54
♪ Hear the rhythm rompin'00:16:56
♪ Boogie!00:16:57
♪ You see the drummer stompin'00:16:58
♪ Drum boogie
Drum boogie00:17:01
♪ Boogie!00:17:02
♪ It really is a killer00:17:03
♪ Drum boogie
Drum boogie00:17:06
♪ The Drum Boogie Woogie00:17:08
♪ Boogie!00:17:09
♪ The rhythm ought to bend you00:17:11
♪ Boogie!00:17:13
♪ It's really gonna send you00:17:14
♪ Drum boogie
Drum boogie00:17:16
♪ Boogie!00:17:17
♪ It really is a killer00:17:19
♪ Drum boogie
Drum boogie00:17:21
♪ The Drum Boogie Woogie00:17:24
♪ Boogie!00:17:25
♪ You hear the piano rompin'00:17:33
♪ See the drummer stompin'00:17:39
♪ Drum boogie
Drum boogie00:17:42
♪ Drum Boogie!00:17:43
♪ The cats a killer diller00:17:45
♪ Drum boogie
Drum boogie00:17:47
♪ The Drum Boogie Woogie00:17:50
Come on,
Krup, knock yourself out.00:18:26
♪ Boogie00:18:27
(MUSICIANS SCATTING)00:18:29
♪ Boogie00:18:52
♪ Now, Mr. K.
keep on a-drivin'00:18:54
♪ Just gently jam the jive in00:18:57
♪ Drum Boogie
The cat is rockin'
with a solid eight00:19:01
♪ I tell you
it's murder00:19:04
♪ The joint is jumpin'
with a drum boogie00:19:08
♪ Drum Boogie00:19:10
♪ Drum Boogie Woogie
Yeah! ♪00:19:15
Three, four, five,00:19:18
six, seven, eight,00:19:22
nine, ten, eleven,00:19:26
12, 13, 14.00:19:31
♪ Aw, Boogie!00:19:38
Yeah!00:19:47
Young man,
what is
the name of that song?00:19:50
Boogie.00:19:51
What does "boogie" mean?00:19:52
Are you kidding?00:20:02
MAN: More! More!00:20:04
WOMAN: Yeah!00:20:05
Okay, what do you want,
hep cats?00:20:06
AUDIENCE: More of the same.00:20:08
Same thing? AUDIENCE: Yeah.00:20:09
Okay, we'll mix it up
a little.00:20:10
Come on down, Krup.00:20:12
You're gonna have to be
awful quiet on this.00:20:13
I'm gonna need a little help,
okay, squitters?00:20:15
CROWD MEMBER:
All right. All right.00:20:16
I want this chair,
and we'll clean
off the table.00:20:19
A little juice
down here, junior.00:20:20
What's cooking, Sugar?00:20:21
Match boogie, Krup.
How about it?00:20:23
Want match boogie?
You'll get it.
Where's some matches?00:20:24
I have some
right here.00:20:30
You two go with me,00:20:31
and the rest of
you take boogie00:20:32
with you on the orchestra,
right?00:20:34
CROWD: Right. Okay.00:20:35
Here we go,
Krup, like buster's gang.00:20:37
Very quiet. One, two.00:20:40
(WHISPERING)
♪ Boogie00:20:41
(EVERYONE HUMMING)00:20:43
♪ Boogie00:20:46
♪ Drum Boogie
Drum Boogie00:20:49
♪ Boogie00:20:51
♪ Drum Boogie
Drum Boogie00:20:53
♪ The Drum Boogie Woogie00:20:57
Boogie.00:20:59
Now, one,00:21:00
two,00:21:02
three, four.00:21:04
♪ Boogie00:21:07
One, two,00:21:09
three, four.00:21:12
♪ Drum Boogie
Drum Boogie00:21:17
♪ Drum Boogie
Drum Boogie00:21:20
♪ Drum Boogie Woogie00:21:21
Shh.00:21:23
♪ Drum Boogie Woogie00:21:25
♪ Drum Boogie Woogie00:21:29
ALL: Yeah!00:21:33
Young man,
what is the name
of that young lady?00:21:35
Sugarpuss O'Shea.00:21:36
An astounding specimen.00:21:38
She jives by night,
root, zoot and cute
and solid to boot.00:21:41
Are you kidding?00:21:43
No.00:21:45
Come on, Sugar, quick. Yeah, quick is right.00:21:47
What's the fever?00:21:49
Listen, Sugie,
you gotta take it
on the lam.00:21:50
Yeah,
they're looking for you. Who?00:21:51
The District
Attorney's office. Why?00:21:52
You've got to get
dressed and out of here00:21:53
before they slap
a subpoena on you.00:21:54
A subpoena? Shh!00:21:55
Come on, we'll talk about it
in the dressing room.00:21:56
Well, why can't you
tell me now?00:22:00
What is all this
subpoena business?00:22:02
On account of
Benny the Creep
had an accident.00:22:04
I never heard of
Benny the Creep.
Who's he?00:22:05
One of the boys. He was on kind of an errand00:22:07
when he grazed
into a police car,
that dope.00:22:09
And for that I've
got to hide out?00:22:10
That don't make sense,
Pastrami.00:22:12
No, you see,
when the bulls
gave Benny a ticket,00:22:14
they saw Kinnick in
the back of the car.00:22:16
Dead. In the accident?00:22:17
That's what Benny was
trying to tell them.00:22:18
Only they saw Kinnick's feet.00:22:20
They was in
a cake of cement.00:22:21
Benny was gonna dump him
in the East River.00:22:22
That was the errand.00:22:24
What is all this?
Where do I come...00:22:25
Wait a second.00:22:26
Is Joe Lilac
mixed up in this?00:22:27
The DA had him picked up
about a half hour ago.00:22:29
That's why we're here.00:22:30
That's why you
got to beat it.00:22:31
Joe Lilac mixed
up in a murder? Yeah.00:22:33
I don't believe it,
not for a second.00:22:35
He was framed,
Sugie, honest he was,
may I drop down dead.00:22:37
Wasn't he, Asthma?00:22:38
And there was them
pajamas they found.00:22:39
Pajamas? Yeah, that's where you
come in.00:22:41
Remember the dozen pink ones
you gave to
the boss last Christmas?00:22:44
Before you knew
that the only color
Joe Lilac wears is lilac?00:22:46
Yeah. So we handed them
out to the boys.00:22:47
And in the suitcase
right beside00:22:49
Benny the Creep
when he gets caught00:22:51
is a pair with
that big JL monogram.00:22:56
SUGARPUSS: Who is it?00:22:58
I'd like to
speak to Miss O'Shea00:22:59
regarding
an investigation
I'm conducting.00:23:01
Okay, we'll take
care of it.00:23:03
Just a minute.00:23:09
How do you do,
Miss O'Shea?00:23:10
Hello.00:23:12
I hate to intrude like this,
but mine is a very...00:23:13
Cut the corners.
What is it?00:23:15
Well, this inquiry
is one of
considerable importance.00:23:17
Stop beating up
with the gums.00:23:18
What was that?00:23:20
Get this. I don't know
from nothing.00:23:21
Oh, but you do.00:23:23
Every word you
say proves as much.00:23:24
Where's that paper?00:23:25
Subpoena?00:23:27
Suppose you tell the DA
to take a nice
running jump for himself?00:23:30
Bewildering.
And you want to tell me00:23:31
you're not the person
I'm looking for?00:23:33
Say, how many of
you are on this job?00:23:35
The entire project?
Eight.00:23:37
Oh. The other seven
waiting outside?00:23:40
Oh, no.
They're at home.00:23:41
Sound asleep I imagine.00:23:42
Asleep?00:23:43
Yes, they go to bed
at 9:00 every night.00:23:45
Do you mean to tell me
with crime what it
is in New York...00:23:48
Say, are you a bull
or aren't you?00:23:50
Well, if bull is
the slang word for professor,
then I'm a bull.00:23:53
A professor?00:23:54
Of English. Oh.00:23:56
I thought
there was some
misunderstanding.00:23:58
Sure was.00:23:59
You see, I'm conducting
an investigation
on current slang.00:24:01
Would you object
if I used you
for observation and study?00:24:04
Yeah, I would. If I could have
your assistance00:24:06
for just a few
days it would be...00:24:07
Out, out, Professor.00:24:09
Then you won't help me?00:24:10
No. Out.
Shove in your clutch.00:24:12
"Shove in your clutch."
Exactly the kind
of thing I want.00:24:14
Perhaps if I could
come back here again
when you have more time...00:24:16
Save the gas. I won't
be here after tonight.00:24:19
Well, look,
here's the address
of the Foundation00:24:21
if you should happen
to change your
mind by any chance.00:24:23
It's my residence, as well.00:24:24
Listen, not now.00:24:25
Well, I'll just leave it here.00:24:27
Okay, scrow, scram, scraw.00:24:29
The complete conjugation.00:24:31
All right, I'II scraw.00:24:34
Stop futzing around.00:24:35
You haven't got
time to get dressed.00:24:37
All right. Only I... PASTRAMI: We'll go out
the window.00:24:38
I think you're
a pair of cracked dice.00:24:43
Excuse me.00:24:44
DANCER:
Oh, look out, mister.00:24:50
Good night.00:24:52
Miss O'Shea.00:24:54
What do you want?00:24:56
Right there.00:25:04
Open up.
District Attorney's
office.00:25:19
CAB DRIVER: Where to?00:25:20
Just keep cruising, Jack.00:25:23
Well? How about that
warehouse on West 11th?00:25:26
No. Too many rats. Hey, wait a minute.00:25:27
Where are you taking me?00:25:29
Oh, it's just
for the night, Sugarpuss.00:25:31
We can't take
you to your place,
they'll have it covered.00:25:32
Joe's apartment,
they got sealed up
like a can of coffee.00:25:34
Oh, I see.00:25:36
Yeah, but you live
someplace, don't you?00:25:37
Yeah, sure and the cops
know where.00:25:38
Yeah, hotel,
I thought of a hotel,00:25:40
but they'll fan
every hotel in town.00:25:42
Well, I could
change my name.00:25:43
Listen, Sugie,
why take chances?00:25:45
It's an awful nice warehouse.00:25:47
He says rats, big mouth does.00:25:49
Well, maybe a few
little bitty mice.00:25:50
Uh-uh. That's out.00:25:51
Tomorrow we'll
get hold of a lawyer00:25:53
and figure out
something with more class.00:25:54
(SCOFFING)00:25:55
Say, I got an uncle
who's an undertaker00:25:56
and with business
like it is, he's always
got an extra slab.00:25:59
That's fine.
That's all I need. No, no.00:26:00
Keep thinking.00:26:02
Hey, what's this?00:26:04
"Bertram Potts..."
Oh, that's
that professor jerk.00:26:07
(SCOFFING)00:26:12
Uh-oh.00:26:18
I never would
have believed it.00:26:20
But how do you
account for the name?00:26:22
Have I missed anything?00:26:23
No, I was just
about to explain...00:26:26
You see, the word
"puss" means face. Yes.00:26:28
As for instance,
sourpuss, picklepuss.00:26:31
Sugarpuss implies
a certain sweetness
in her appearance.00:26:34
Sugar, yes, yes. Yes.00:26:35
Never mind the etymology.00:26:37
Was she... Was she blonde
or brunette?00:26:38
Yes, which?00:26:40
That, I don't know.
I didn't notice. Oh.00:26:42
But her vocabulary,
even in ordinary
conversation...00:26:44
Oh, you spoke
to her?00:26:46
Yes, in her dressing room... In her
dressing room?00:26:48
Backstage? Yes.00:26:49
(ALL WHISTLING)00:26:50
Unfortunately,
she disclaimed any
interest in our project00:26:55
in words so bizarre
they made my mouth water.00:26:58
"Shove in your clutch,"
for instance.00:26:59
Why, it's amazing.00:27:01
Potts, could you tell us
what was it like backstage?00:27:03
Very vivacious,
I imagine.00:27:05
And perhaps,
ballerinas giggling
up and down iron staircases.00:27:09
Around and around.00:27:11
Possibly wearing tights.00:27:12
Tights.00:27:14
And that ineffable
smell of rice powder.00:27:17
On nude shoulders.00:27:20
Well.00:27:22
It's getting
a bit late, gentlemen.00:27:24
Perhaps we had
better get to bed.00:27:27
(MURMURING)00:27:35
Someday, I'll tell you
my experiences00:27:37
with a young actress
named Lillian Russell.00:27:39
Did you know her?00:27:40
I stood in the snow
four hours to get to...00:27:42
(DOORBELL RINGING)00:27:43
Is that our doorbell?00:27:45
But it's 12:25.00:27:47
It must be the statistics
on San Salvador's saltpeter.00:27:50
I'll get it.00:27:52
I asked for it to be
sent registered airmail.00:27:58
Hi-de-ho.00:28:00
Don't tell me
I'm too late for class,
Professor.00:28:02
Oh, my goodness gracious.00:28:05
Say, what is that?00:28:08
Those are my colleagues. Oh.00:28:11
I apologize for
their lack of costume.00:28:13
Oh, that's all right,
Professor.00:28:14
And the fact
that I haven't
got my tie on and...00:28:16
Oh, you know,
once I watched my
big brother shave.00:28:21
Won't you come in?00:28:22
Why not?00:28:24
Frankly, your coming here
was the last thing
I expected.00:28:27
Your "no" was so explicit.00:28:29
Well, I got thinking it over00:28:31
and "Foo," I said to myself,
"Who am I to give
science the brush?"00:28:33
Then I take it
you've reconsidered?00:28:35
Yeah, that's
the big idea.00:28:37
Well.00:28:38
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.00:28:41
Look out.00:28:44
Well, that was
Professor Oddly.00:28:45
Any more of them around?00:28:47
I hope not.00:28:50
Say, who decorated
this place?00:28:52
The mug that shot Lincoln?00:28:53
This is our work room. Oh.00:28:56
The living quarters
are upstairs.00:28:58
Whee, that's a lot of books.
All of them different?00:29:01
I trust. Uh-huh.00:29:02
May I have your coat?00:29:03
Yeah, thanks.00:29:06
Miss O'Shea.00:29:10
Oh, Greek philosophy,
I've got a set like
this with a radio inside.00:29:14
Are--Are you sure you
don't want your coat?00:29:16
No, I'm fine.
Except I've got a run
in this stocking.00:29:19
Well, how do
we start, Professor?00:29:21
You see,
this is the first time
anybody moved in on my brain.00:29:24
Have you got some
kind of a machine,00:29:26
an X-ray or
a vacuum cleaner maybe00:29:28
that sorts out
the words you want?00:29:29
What's your method,
Professor?00:29:31
Well, i-it's quite simple.
If you will be here00:29:33
tomorrow morning
not later than 9:30...00:29:34
Tomorrow morning?00:29:36
Why, yes.
I have arranged
a round table discussion00:29:38
with a few people of
various backgrounds.00:29:41
Uh-huh. You, uh...00:29:43
You don't think
we could sort of begin
the Beguine right now?00:29:46
Well, it's nearly 1:00,
Miss O'Shea.00:29:49
Oh, foo, Professor,
let's get ourselves
a couple of drinks,00:29:51
light the fire maybe,
and you can start
working on me right away.00:29:54
Well, I wouldn't think
of imposing upon you
at this hour.00:29:57
Listen, I figured
on working all night.00:30:00
Well, any hasty
random discussion00:30:02
would be
of no scientific value.00:30:04
You see,
I have to have my notes
thoroughly prepared00:30:05
for the seminar tomorrow.00:30:07
Mmm-hmm.00:30:08
Okay. Where do I sleep?00:30:11
I--I don't know.
Where do you live?00:30:13
Up on Riverside.
But I'm going to
sleep here.00:30:14
Here?00:30:16
You don't understand,
Miss O'Shea.00:30:18
We're all bachelors
with the exception
of Professor Oddly,00:30:20
who is a widower.00:30:21
Why, no woman ever...00:30:24
Even Miss Bragg
who takes care
of our needs00:30:26
goes home every
night at 7:30.00:30:29
If you want me
tomorrow morning
at 9:30, you...00:30:31
Oh, I do, Miss O'Shea.00:30:32
But, uh...00:30:35
Even the most
free-thinking people
must respect the, uh...00:30:40
All right, feel that.00:30:42
Go on. Feel that foot.00:30:46
Okay, tootsie bell,
what do you say?00:30:48
It's cold.00:30:50
It's cold
and it's wet.00:30:52
Now, come here.00:30:56
Come here.00:31:00
Closer.00:31:03
Closer.00:31:05
Oh, come on, give.00:31:07
Hello, kids.
Look down my throat.00:31:09
Go on. Look down.00:31:11
All right,
right down there, look.00:31:13
I--I don't know
what to look for.00:31:16
There is possibly
a slight rosiness
in the laryngeal region.00:31:19
Slight rosiness?00:31:21
It's as red as
the Daily Worker
and just as sore.00:31:23
Who are you? I'm...00:31:25
Who is he?00:31:27
This is Dr. Magenbruch,
our physiological expert. Oh.00:31:30
This is
Professor Robinson, law.00:31:32
Professor Gurkakoff...00:31:34
Ah, ah, ah, not so fast.
Just let it creep up on me.00:31:36
I'll get to know them.00:31:37
Come here, physiology.00:31:39
For all I know,
I've got a fever. Feel.00:31:40
It's possible. Certainly.00:31:42
And he wants to
throw me out on my tin.00:31:43
(ALL GROANING)00:31:45
There'll be no 9:30 for me
if you let me go
out in the rain now.00:31:47
Naturally not.00:31:49
With the streets cold
and the subway hot
and full of germs.00:31:51
Ho, ho, I'm a push-over
for streptococcus.00:31:54
Can I have this now, kid?00:31:55
Pardon me.00:31:57
POTTS: We'll call you
a heated taxi and furnish you00:31:59
with woolen socks
and warm slippers.00:32:01
(ALL GRUMBLING) How do you like that?00:32:02
Really, I don't
understand you, Potts.00:32:03
Why take chances?00:32:04
With valuable material?00:32:06
You must think of
your article, Potts.00:32:07
See, they get the point.00:32:08
If I might
venture a suggestion,00:32:11
why couldn't the young lady
sleep in my room?00:32:12
What? What?00:32:13
Well!00:32:15
Professor Peagram!00:32:16
Oh, uh, I--I can bunk in with
Professor Robinson.00:32:19
I sometimes do
when there's
an electric storm.00:32:21
Yes, he's afraid
of thunder.00:32:22
Well, then
it's all settled.00:32:25
Well, I guess I'll turn in.00:32:26
Can I have my coat?00:32:28
Of course.00:32:29
Thank you.00:32:31
Hi-de-ho, fellows.00:32:32
PROFESSORS: Hi-de-ho.00:32:34
I'll show you to my room.00:32:35
Yes, we all will go.00:32:37
I know where my own
room is, thank you,00:32:38
without any help from you.00:32:40
(SHUSHING) PROFESSORS: Why shouldn't...
Why shouldn't... I'll find it. Don't bother.00:32:42
Just rough out the directions.00:32:44
Top of the stairs
and the third
door on the left.00:32:46
POTTS: Gentlemen,
just a moment, please.00:32:48
Gentlemen, this is all
highly irregular.00:32:50
What if this should come
to the attention
of the Foundation?00:32:51
And what about
Miss Bragg tomorrow?00:32:53
What are you talking about?00:32:54
This is research, isn't it?00:32:55
Yes. Certainly.00:32:57
Who was that guy
learned so much
from watching an apple drop?00:33:00
Isaac Newton, 1642 to 1727.00:33:03
The law of gravity.00:33:05
Yeah, that's him.00:33:07
And I want you to look at me
as another apple,
Professor Potts.00:33:11
Just another apple.00:33:22
It fits you like a glove,
you admit that, don't you?00:33:24
I like a little
more effect around
the shoulders,00:33:25
sort of a puffed sleeve.00:33:27
You know that JL
could be Joe Lilac.00:33:30
Could be.00:33:31
Still claim
it isn't yours?00:33:33
No, it isn't and never was.00:33:34
Come on, loosen up, Joe.00:33:36
It's 5:00 in the morning.00:33:37
How's about
a little Benzedrine?00:33:40
Put it on
Benny the Creep.00:33:41
Sure.00:33:42
Take off your coat.00:33:43
I should have
brought along my valet.00:33:45
I'm a sucker for comfort.00:33:47
Why, don't worry, Joe.00:33:48
You'll have your comfort.00:33:50
We'll have platinum
bars on your cell,00:33:52
and we'll heat up
a chair for you, special.00:33:54
20 thousand volts.00:33:57
AC or DC?00:34:02
So those are
your pajamas, huh?00:34:03
Yep.00:34:05
You always wear them
three sizes too big?00:34:08
Allows for
my chest expansion.00:34:10
And my fingers get
kind of chilly at night.00:34:12
And the JL?00:34:15
It stands for jellybean.00:34:17
It stands for lollipop.00:34:20
Take him away. POLICEMAN: Come on.00:34:22
That's fine. That's great.00:34:25
You never heard
of Benny the Creep.00:34:27
Benny the Creep
never heard of you.00:34:29
There was no murder.
And there is no murder ring00:34:31
with you at
the control boards
pushing the buttons.00:34:35
Good morning, Joe. How are you, McNeary?00:34:36
Morning, and pardon my glove,
Mr. District Attorney.00:34:38
Good morning.00:34:40
All right, I've got
a writ of habeas corpus.00:34:42
I've forgotten
my reading glasses.00:34:45
Too bad. Come on, Joe.00:34:47
May be a couple of days
before I find them.00:34:49
I won't stand
for my client's...00:34:51
It's all right, McNeary.00:34:52
The man's trying to
clean up the city.00:34:54
Why not give him
all the cooperation we can?00:34:57
Does that mean
you're going to talk, Joe?00:34:58
What about?00:35:01
Well, I'II make
the pajamas talk.00:35:04
Here's the sales slip
for them.00:35:06
They were bought
by Miss O'Shea.00:35:07
She bought them for you.00:35:09
Or maybe you
never heard of her.00:35:10
Maybe she isn't
your girlfriend.00:35:12
Why bring
a lady's name into this?00:35:14
I'II bring
the lady in herself.00:35:18
Where do we stand
with that O'Shea girl?00:35:20
What?00:35:21
Well, what about
the deputies?00:35:23
All right, let me
talk to Collins himself.00:35:24
What about the girl? Don't worry.00:35:26
We've got her in safe
deposit temporarily.00:35:28
Temporarily is
not good enough.00:35:30
I've got something
figured out.00:35:31
Nothing gloomy, I hope.00:35:33
Strictly legal.00:35:34
A wife can't testify
against her husband.00:35:35
She's not my wife. Not yet, she isn't.00:35:37
But once they let you go,
we'll pull a fastie.00:35:40
D.A.: Of all
the incompetent...00:35:41
What sweetheart
dreamed up that law?00:35:43
Don't give me that.
You've had six hours.00:35:45
Tell those guys
to get a jump on.00:35:50
Having some trouble, Mr. DA?00:35:51
Don't worry, Joe.00:35:53
And don't
underestimate this office
or the State of New York.00:35:56
I've got some boys
that can find
a needle in a haystack.00:35:59
Why, that's a cinch.00:36:00
All you have to
do is get a horse
to eat the hay00:36:02
and then X-ray
the horse.00:36:05
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)00:36:11
Okay. Okay.00:36:15
Hold your horses.00:36:19
PROFESSORS: Good morning.00:36:21
Good morning.00:36:22
What time is it?00:36:23
This is worse than
being in the army.00:36:25
Professor Potts started
the round table
discussion 10 minutes ago.00:36:28
He did?
Say, that's divastigating.00:36:30
And this came for you.00:36:31
Who brought it?00:36:33
A couple of persons.00:36:35
Any message?00:36:36
Well, they spoke
very picturesquely. Yeah, very.00:36:39
Yes, they said
it's getting hot and hotter00:36:42
and to stay in the icebox
like a good little salad.00:36:45
And this is the dressing.00:36:47
The salad, huh?00:36:49
And we wondered
what it meant.00:36:50
Yes, we did.00:36:51
Well, I'll tell you,
sweetie. I...00:36:53
MISS BRAGG:
Gentlemen. Gentlemen.00:36:54
Miss Bragg. Oh, my goodness.00:36:56
Oh, sounds like
Mother calling.00:36:57
Kids, you better go.00:36:58
See you later.00:37:01
Gentlemen,
where are you, gentlemen?00:37:03
We're coming,
Miss Bragg, we're coming.00:37:04
On our way.00:37:06
I would like to talk to you.00:37:07
I wanted to ask you,00:37:08
what were all your trousers
doing in my kitchen?00:37:10
Well, I wanted mine pressed.00:37:11
Well, that accounts
for one pair.00:37:12
I did, too. Mine, too.00:37:15
Seven pairs,
all at once?00:37:16
What's going on in
this house anyway?00:37:19
No constitutional
this morning.00:37:20
You've hardly
touched your breakfast.00:37:22
Professor Potts in
the dining room00:37:23
with a conglomeration
of dubious characters.00:37:25
You, not at your desks.00:37:26
That's right,
gentlemen, we have to work.00:37:28
Yes, we have to work.00:37:30
What were you
doing upstairs, anyway?00:37:32
We took up a suitcase.00:37:35
Suitcase? Yes.00:37:36
Whose suitcase?00:37:38
We're very busy, Miss Bragg.00:37:39
I said, whose suitcase?00:37:40
Well, now, Miss Bragg,
there is, uh...00:37:45
There is someone
staying with us.00:37:46
Staying with us?00:37:48
PROFESSOR: That's it.00:37:49
Who? Well, I...00:37:51
Who's staying with us?00:37:52
What's the matter?
Cat got your tongues?00:37:54
Who's staying with us?00:37:56
(VOICE CRACKING)
Well, I... Well, I...
Oh, dear.00:37:58
Professor Potts
didn't tell you?00:38:00
No, and I want to know.00:38:01
Well, under the pressure
of a very trying assignment...00:38:03
Yes?00:38:05
He's, uh...00:38:06
He's, uh, Go on.00:38:07
He's taken
a temporary assistant.00:38:09
ODDLY: Yes.00:38:10
Oh, so we're running
a hotel now.00:38:11
Not exactly.00:38:13
It seems to me that...
Professor Robinson,00:38:16
is that one of your socks?00:38:18
No, not mine.00:38:20
I wish that it...00:38:24
Well, I know
Professor Peagram
explains the corset he wears00:38:27
as due to a floating kidney.00:38:28
What's the explanation
of this?00:38:30
Say, kids, I'm stuck.00:38:32
Any of you can jerk a zipper?00:38:34
A zipper?00:38:35
Yeah,
the darn thing's stuck...00:38:38
Hello, who are you?00:38:39
This is our Miss Bragg.00:38:41
Miss... Did you say Bag?00:38:43
Bragg. How do you do?00:38:45
Great-o.
Do you know
anything about zippers?00:38:47
Do you? Do you? Well, I...00:38:48
Well, do you? Do I?00:38:50
No, I don't,
but Professor Gurkakoff.00:38:51
Okay.00:38:53
Well, it's purely mechanical.00:38:55
But look, you were married.00:38:56
No, I'm just a botanist.00:38:58
Look, kids, after all,
you know,
this is only a zipper.00:39:00
Come on, Gurky.00:39:01
Well, I can try.00:39:03
You know,
I had this happen one night
in the middle of my act.00:39:05
I couldn't get a thing off,
was I embarrassed.00:39:07
How's chances for
a cup of coffee?00:39:09
No breakfast after 9:00.00:39:10
You see, it's a rule.00:39:12
Just like my Aunt Beulah that
brought me up,
that's why I left home.00:39:15
There. Oh, swell.00:39:17
Now where is
this little clambake
of Professor Potts'?00:39:18
In the dining room,
just across the hall.00:39:20
In the dining room.
See you later, kids.00:39:27
Don't tell me
the jive session
has beat off without baby.00:39:30
Shut the door please,
Miss O'Shea.00:39:35
You're late.00:39:37
I won't waste time
with introductions.00:39:38
These are our collaborators.00:39:39
Hi, kids. Hi.00:39:41
As I was saying,
I've worked out
a series of cross-references00:39:43
which I believe will
be the best approach
to our subject.00:39:45
Going like gangbusters,
isn't he?00:39:47
Sit down, please.00:39:52
I don't think
you'll find our venture
dull, Miss O'Shea.00:39:55
The scientific conquest
of an important subject
is never dull.00:40:00
"Slang," as the poet
Carl Sandburg has said,00:40:03
"is language which
takes off its coat,00:40:04
"spits on its hands
and goes to work."00:40:05
(SPITTING)00:40:07
Let us... Let us, too,
then get down to work.00:40:16
Well, we've accomplished
a lot in the last three days,00:40:19
and I'm very
grateful to all of you.00:40:22
There's another word
I'd like to take up now.00:40:24
It's recurred several times
in our discussions,00:40:26
and its meaning
still eludes me.00:40:28
I think it was Miss O'Shea
who used it yesterday00:40:30
in reference to
the cuffs that I wear.00:40:33
The word is "corny."00:40:34
Yeah, wouldn't you
say they were corny?00:40:36
Because of
the cornstarch in them?00:40:37
Because it's 1941.00:40:40
Then corny
means old-fashioned.00:40:42
Mmm, kind of hick,
loose-tooth.00:40:44
Mortimer Snerd.00:40:45
Yeah, yeah, yeah.00:40:46
Oh, gee.00:40:48
There's other
kinds of corn, too.00:40:50
When you give your girl
your fraternity pin,00:40:52
well, if she says,
"I'll keep it forever,"00:40:54
that's corny, too.00:40:55
Yeah, or take a joke.00:40:56
"That's no lady,
that's my wife."00:40:58
Making your baby's shoes
into ashtrays.00:41:00
That's corn. Right off the cob.00:41:02
Well, let's stick to corn.00:41:04
Is it synonymous
with baloney?00:41:06
No, it's anything
that gets them in the sticks.00:41:10
"Long time,
no see," that's Indian corn.00:41:12
Yeah, when a guy
comes to see a girl
and says,00:41:14
"Let's turn off the lights,
it hurts my eyes."00:41:16
Brother, that's corn.00:41:18
The implication is
he's trying to
pull some hoytoytoy.00:41:21
You're catching on, Professor. Countrified,
old-fashioned, sentimental.00:41:36
Um...00:41:37
Business kind
of peaked, Jack?00:41:39
Yeah, it takes up
a lot of time
being on the faculty.00:41:42
I'II buy the heap.00:41:43
There's no call
for you to do that.00:41:44
Why not?
I want to line
my bureau drawers.00:41:46
Gee, thanks.00:41:48
Back in a second, Professor.00:41:50
Oh, yes, all right.00:42:05
PROFESSOR: Miss O'Shea.00:42:06
Just a minute.00:42:12
Oh, Miss O'Shea. Yeah?00:42:13
We saw you pass
the library arch,00:42:15
and we kind of
got a little problem
on our hands.00:42:17
Would you help us? Why, I'd love to.00:42:19
Oh, good.00:42:21
You're kind of
spruced up today,
aren't you, Professor?00:42:22
Oh, the spats? Yeah.00:42:24
I ran across them
in my bottom drawer.00:42:26
Why let the moths eat them?00:42:28
Attaboy.
What's your problem,
sweetie?00:42:30
Well, look.
Let me start again.00:42:32
ODDLY: But, Professor,
I'm completely exhausted.00:42:34
But we've got
to get it right.00:42:36
Now, start with
the right foot.00:42:38
The left foot. The right foot.00:42:39
Gentlemen,
it's the left foot.00:42:40
Which foot, please?00:42:41
The right foot.00:42:42
All right, but you're wrong.00:42:45
One, two, three, four.00:42:47
ALL: One, two, three.00:42:50
But I can't
"humph" from here.00:42:54
We've been working on it
ever since luncheon.00:42:57
Holy smoke.00:42:58
Start again with
the left foot, come on.00:43:00
The left foot.00:43:04
ALL: One, two, three. Humph!00:43:07
Well, it's the right motion.00:43:09
But it doesn't
feel right.00:43:11
It doesn't look right.00:43:13
Possibly it isn't right.00:43:15
There was two
"humphs."00:43:16
Humph, humph.00:43:18
Well, that would
make it right.
Humph, humph.00:43:21
You're wrong,
my dear Gurkakoff.00:43:22
Mathematics can
never be wrong.00:43:23
Look here, I'II show you.00:43:24
Stay there, Professor Oddly.00:43:26
Show him.00:43:28
One, two.00:43:30
Professor Oddly,
please stand up.00:43:32
I beg your pardon.00:43:33
One, two, three.
Humph, humph.00:43:35
Ah, ah, ah, just one.00:43:38
The expert is here. We need you.00:43:39
What's the trouble?00:43:41
Well, that dance
you showed us last night.00:43:43
Yeah? Yes, maybe we're not
very bright.00:43:44
Professor Gurkakoff
has been trying00:43:46
to reconstruct it by
compound fractions.00:43:48
You'd better relax, lover.00:43:49
Who, me? Oh, thank you.00:43:51
I can't find
the common denominator00:43:53
between the steps
and the music.00:43:55
You bet you can't,
you're playing a polka,00:43:56
and I taught you a conga.00:43:58
How about some light
in here? Come on.00:44:01
Look, kids,
this is the tempo.00:44:03
(SUGARPUSS HUMMING
CONGA TEMPO)00:44:04
(EVERYONE HUMMING TEMPO)00:44:06
Got it?00:44:12
That's right, hit it.00:44:13
Hit what?00:44:14
That's what I told you.00:44:16
One, two, three...00:44:18
Attaboy, Gurky!
You're wonderful!00:44:22
SUGARPUSS: Wing it, Professor.
Hang on.00:44:26
Good afternoon.00:44:28
(CHATTERING)00:44:30
How do you like the new suit?00:44:31
What the well-dressed
professor will wear.00:44:33
A young lady
chased me all the way up
Fifth Avenue.00:44:36
Probably to tell you
to take the price tag off.00:44:38
Did you...
Did you get the--the records?00:44:40
Well, they were all out of
Beat Me Daddy,
Eight to the Bar.00:44:42
Oh, dear, oh, dear. But I got Chicka
Chicka Boom Boom00:44:44
and Shoot the Sherbet
to Me Herbert.00:44:46
Oh, now watch us go.00:44:48
(EXCITED MURMURING)00:44:50
Thank you very much,
gentlemen.00:44:52
The same time tomorrow,
all of you who can.00:44:54
Okay, coach, so long. Goodbye.00:44:56
This has given me
a new interest in life, Doc.00:44:59
Me, too.00:45:01
I'm gonna use some
of those two-dollar words
hollering my papers.00:45:02
Park Avenue bigamy scandal,
most illuminating,
most illuminating!00:45:06
So long, Prof.00:45:07
And thank you very much.00:45:09
That's all right.00:45:10
Excuse me for talking shop,00:45:12
but your garbage certainly
has cheered up these days.00:45:15
Flowers, candy boxes,
perfume wrappings00:45:17
and an empty of that
sweet French liquor.00:45:20
Why, th-th-that's not
our--our garbage, I'm sure.00:45:23
Maybe it wasn't,
but it was in your pail.00:45:28
I'm leaving, sister.00:45:31
(CONGA MUSIC PLAYING)00:45:33
Miss Bragg.00:45:35
May I have a word with you,
Professor Potts?00:45:36
That music,
is it coming from next door?00:45:38
From this door,
and that's what
I want to talk to you about.00:45:40
Either she goes or I go.00:45:42
You're speaking
of Miss O'Shea?00:45:43
I am, Professor Potts.00:45:45
That is the kind of woman
that makes whole
civilizations topple.00:45:50
It's always been
my pride to scrupulously,
untiringly, efficiently...00:45:54
Now, now, Miss Bragg,
you've split that
infinitive three times.00:45:56
I repeat,
either she goes or I go.00:45:58
I don't like ultimata,
Miss Bragg,00:46:00
but I shall look
into the matter.00:46:01
Don't look into the matter,
look into the library.00:46:09
(PROFESSOR WHOOPING)00:46:12
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)00:46:21
Hiya, Pottsy, come on,
hook on!00:46:23
You should dance with us.00:46:32
(MURMURING)00:46:34
Hey, what's the big idea?00:46:36
As soon as you
gentlemen get your breath,00:46:38
we had better
have a conference.00:46:39
Will you please
leave the room,
Miss O'Shea?00:46:41
But we've only just started.00:46:43
If you please, Miss O'Shea.00:46:45
Loose-tooth again.00:46:47
POTTS: Now, if you
gentlemen will be
kind enough00:46:49
to get together all
that you've written
in the last three days...00:46:52
(TAPPING AT DOOR)00:47:00
Well, it's about time.00:47:02
I thought you two had amnesia
and forgot
where you parked me.00:47:03
Hold the phone, Sugie.00:47:06
Dropping me on the doorstep
like a throwaway
for a credit dentist.00:47:07
You said it was
for one night.00:47:08
Sugie, for snap's sake.00:47:09
You're as hot as a pistol.00:47:10
The DA's got 100 men
on the job.00:47:12
Why, they're squeezing
this town through a sieve,
borough by borough.00:47:14
You tell her, Pastrami.00:47:16
They're tailing us, Sugie.
Took us three hours to get
here from 48th Street.00:47:18
Detoured through Jamaica,
Long Island
to shake them off.00:47:20
Okay, you wait here.00:47:22
I'II get my things together
in two seconds flat.00:47:23
Hey, wait a minute, Sugie.00:47:24
We got a surprise for you.00:47:26
You ain't leaving,
not right yet.00:47:28
I'm not? Joe's out, isn't he?00:47:30
Yeah, but for how long?
They're laying for you
so they can get him back.00:47:32
That's the surprise.00:47:34
I'm supposed to stay
in this old mans' home till
the moths eat holes in me?00:47:36
Say, when I say a surprise,
I mean a surprise.00:47:39
Go on, flash it to her.00:47:41
Put on
your sunglasses, Sugie.00:47:44
Oh, boy. Seven grand boiled
into that one, Sugie.00:47:46
Oh, Joe doesn't have
to bribe me just because
I do him a little favor.00:47:50
It's not a bribe,
don't take it like that.00:47:51
Let him try and
get it back though.00:47:53
Say, it's not your size,
is it?00:47:54
It'll do, if I have to
whittle down my finger.00:47:56
Third finger,
left hand, Sugie.00:47:58
Who do you think
you're kidding?00:47:59
The future Mrs. Joe Lilac.00:48:00
Come again? Wedding bells, sweetheart.00:48:02
Joe and the lawyer
have got it
all figured out.00:48:04
Yeah, a wife can't testify
against husband, see.00:48:06
Oh, don't put it
like that, you dope.00:48:08
Say, he's been thataway
about you ever since
he first picked you out.00:48:11
Yeah, but it took the DA
to make him pop the question.00:48:14
He sent you a love message.00:48:15
He says to tell
you he gets more
bang out of you00:48:17
than any dame
he ever knew.00:48:19
And he's the top, Sugie,
do you realize that?
He's the top.00:48:21
Mrs. Joe Lilac.00:48:23
Third Avenue girl
in the major league at last.00:48:26
Wait till they find out,
those other
dolls in the show.00:48:28
Watch me break
their crockery with this.00:48:30
Here, here,
the wedding's got to be
a fast one, though.00:48:32
Over in New Jersey someplace.00:48:34
Now, this is the application
for the license,
and you sign right here.00:48:35
Will I? You got a pen? Yeah.00:48:37
Unscrew it for Mrs. Lilac.00:48:38
Right here, right here.00:48:40
You know,
I can't make up my mind.00:48:41
Will I continue my
night club career00:48:43
or bust in on
the Helen Hayes racket?00:48:45
Say, this ought to be signed
before a notary public.00:48:47
I'm a notary public,
permission expires 1943.00:48:50
Were those pajamas
a good investment.00:48:52
You'll get the final dope
by tomorrow morning.00:48:54
Joe will phone around 10:00.00:48:55
Now, meantime lie low
and stick close
to the Ameche.00:48:57
Okay, the what?00:48:58
The telephone. Oh.00:49:04
Uh, Miss Sugarpuss.00:49:05
You'd better duck.00:49:07
Okay, 10:00, I'll be waiting.00:49:08
Okay, okay.00:49:09
Miss Sugarpuss.00:49:10
Here I am.00:49:11
Just getting a little air.00:49:13
Oh, Miss O'Shea.00:49:14
What's buzzing, cousin?00:49:16
Professor Potts would...00:49:18
He, uh, wishes
to, uh, speak to you.00:49:21
Oh. ALL: Yes.00:49:23
Oh, don't worry, kids,
cheer up.00:49:25
(CLICKING TONGUE)00:49:27
Shut the door, please.00:49:28
Sure.00:49:33
Take this chair,
please, Miss O'Shea.00:49:35
This particular one?00:49:36
Okay.00:49:41
Open your mouth, please. Hmm?00:49:43
Open your mouth. Wider.00:49:46
Thank you.00:49:48
Can I close it now? Please do.00:49:49
Okay. Miss O'Shea.00:49:50
Yeah?00:49:52
Circumstances,
under, over which00:49:53
neither of us has
the least control,00:49:55
force me to a step
I am most reluctant to take.00:50:00
The sky is perfectly clear.00:50:01
The thermometer stands at 76.00:50:03
Your throat
seems quite normal.00:50:04
I must ask you to leave.00:50:06
Leave here? Why?00:50:08
Miss O'Shea,
I want you
to look at our project,00:50:11
I mean the encyclopedia,
as a voyage,00:50:14
a long, hard, tedious one.00:50:16
A voyage from "A" to "Z."00:50:19
Now, when the Foundation
launched our vessel,00:50:21
it very wisely
followed an old rule
of the sea, no women aboard.00:50:25
It chose a crew of single men
with nothing to distract them00:50:28
from the course
they were to sail.00:50:30
Say, junior, couldn't stop
walking around a little,
could you?00:50:33
For four days,
we have been drifting,
Miss O'Shea.00:50:36
The needle of the compass
no longer points
to the magnetic pole.00:50:39
It points, if I may
say so, to your ankles.00:50:41
Oh, come now, Admiral,
a bunch of grown men,00:50:44
they've seen
a pair of ankles before.00:50:46
Not for nine years.00:50:48
Except for
the singularly uninspiring
underpinnings of Miss Bragg.00:50:51
(CLEARING THROAT)
Now, my colleagues...00:50:53
If you think I'm
bothering them,
I'll sit on my legs.00:50:55
And I'll do it in my
room or in the kitchen.00:50:56
Too late.00:50:57
You must leave, Miss O'Shea.00:50:59
Well, I can't leave now.00:51:01
How about that slang?00:51:02
It's not finished yet.00:51:03
There's a lot of words
we haven't caught up with.00:51:05
For instance,
do you know what this means,00:51:07
"I'll get you on the Ameche"?00:51:08
No. Of course, you don't.00:51:09
An Ameche is the telephone.00:51:11
On account of he invented it. Oh, no, he didn't.00:51:13
You know, in the movies. Oh, I see what you mean.
Very interesting.00:51:18
Make no mistake,00:51:19
I shall regret
the absence
of your keen mind.00:51:22
Unfortunately,
it is inseparable00:51:24
from an extremely
disturbing body.00:51:25
(WHISTLING)00:51:27
All right.
I'II go, only don't shove.00:51:29
I'll leave
sometime tomorrow.00:51:31
Not tomorrow.
Right away.00:51:32
But I tell you
I've got a...00:51:33
I insist, Miss O'Shea.00:51:34
Oh, Crabapple Annie.00:51:36
Listen, Pottsy... Crabapple Annie?00:51:38
Why, that implies
that I'm puritanical
and narrow-minded.00:51:40
Yeah.00:51:41
I am a perfectly normal man
with perfectly
normal instincts.00:51:44
But an awful high
boiling point.00:51:45
Not even that.00:51:47
I, too, have been
acutely aware
of your presence.00:51:49
You have? Twice, to be exact.00:51:51
Once when you
leaned over my shoulder00:51:52
to correct my spelling of
the word "boogie-woogie,"00:51:54
I could feel your
breath on my ear.00:51:56
And yesterday afternoon00:51:57
when you happened to stand
against the window00:51:59
with the sunlight
in your hair.00:52:02
What'd you do about it?00:52:04
I... I left the room,00:52:06
dipped my handkerchief
in cold water00:52:08
and applied it to the back
of my neck right there,00:52:09
where the nerve center is. That's cute.00:52:13
You see,
that's the basic difference00:52:14
between me and
the other professors.00:52:16
We are all beguiled,
but I am relatively young.00:52:18
I can suppress temptation.00:52:21
I generate enough energy
to take
precautionary measures.00:52:23
Hmm.00:52:25
A little sun on my hair
and you had to
water your neck.00:52:30
Perhaps I shouldn't
have mentioned it,
Miss O'Shea,00:52:33
but I'm merely trying
to point out the fact00:52:35
that the success
of our enterprise
is at stake.00:52:37
I want you to...00:52:43
Cooperate.00:52:45
I want you to leave.00:52:48
Oh, all right, I'll go.00:52:50
But if I'm going
to go anyway,00:52:52
l guess I might
as well spill it.00:52:54
Spill it? Spill what?00:52:56
Why do you suppose
I came here
in the first place?00:52:58
To help with the research.00:52:59
I did not.
I came on account of you.00:53:00
Me?00:53:01
And not on account of
you needed some slang.00:53:03
On account of
because I wanted
to see you again.00:53:05
Miss O'Shea, the construction
"on account of because"00:53:08
outrages every
grammatical law.00:53:10
So what? I came on account of
because I couldn't
stop thinking about you00:53:12
after you left
my dressing room.00:53:14
On account of
because I thought00:53:17
you were big and
cute and pretty.00:53:19
Pretty? Yeah, I mean you.00:53:20
Maybe I'm just crazy,
but to me,00:53:22
you're a regular
yum-yum type.00:53:24
Yum-yum?00:53:25
Yeah, don't you know
what that means?00:53:26
No, we never got to that.00:53:27
Well, we've got to it now,
and I'm glad it's out.00:53:29
I don't give a whoop
whether the others
went for me.00:53:30
You're the one
I'm wacky about,
just plain wacky.00:53:32
Can you understand that? Please, Miss O'Shea.00:53:34
Oh, please, nothing.
Maybe you can generate
or whatever it is00:53:36
for all that
suppress business, but...00:53:39
I can't. No, you're too tall.00:53:43
Uh-uh.00:53:44
What are you doing? Oh, you'll find out.00:53:45
Those are
Professor Gurkakoff's
reference books.00:53:47
And they're very... Now, isn't that just too bad!00:53:49
Oh, that's perfect. What are you going to do?00:53:51
Come here,
I'm going to show
you what yum-yum is.00:53:53
Here's yum.00:53:56
Here's the other yum.00:54:00
And here's yum-yum.00:54:06
Excuse me.00:54:08
Hey, where are you going?00:54:16
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)00:54:20
Did you see?00:54:22
He practically
stepped on my hand.00:54:24
Three steps at a time. Shot out of a gun.00:54:25
But where is he going? Why?00:54:27
To get a razor strop, I hope,
and I hope he knows
where to apply it.00:54:36
Well, Professor Potts?00:54:38
Oh, uh, yes, Miss Bragg.00:54:40
Will one of you call a taxi
from the corner
for Miss O'Shea?00:54:44
Right away.00:54:45
Thank you.00:54:52
Fine business.00:54:53
I beg your pardon?00:54:54
What's the idea
of running out
on me like that?00:54:56
Nothing, nothing.00:54:59
The last few minutes
only confirmed
my former decision.00:55:02
Your further presence
here would be fatal.00:55:04
You must get me
out of your mind00:55:06
just as I must get you
out of this house.00:55:07
Your hair's wet.00:55:09
Well, never mind, please.00:55:11
Well, it is wet.00:55:12
Well, what of it?00:55:13
Nothing, I just
happened to mention it.00:55:14
Well, forget it, please.00:55:16
Okay, okay.00:55:18
Now to get back
to the subject
under discussion.00:55:21
It would be idle
of me to deny that I, too,
feel the affinity00:55:25
that you mentioned
a few minutes ago,
very strongly.00:55:28
After three years,
when my work is finished,00:55:30
perhaps we can take
up where we left off.00:55:33
In the meantime,
I... I hope we can keep up
some sort of correspondence.00:55:39
Would you, Miss Sugarpuss?00:55:41
Oh, Pottsy.00:55:44
I know that's the way
I feel, too,
but it has to be.00:55:48
Uh, Sugarpuss,
uh, before you go,
would you...00:55:56
(POTTS CLEARS THROAT)00:56:00
Would you00:56:03
yum me just once more?00:56:12
It seems so unnecessary. Yes.00:56:15
Yes. The taxi's here.00:56:17
I'll tell him.00:56:24
Professor Potts,
the taxi for that
young woman is here.00:56:29
The taxi.00:56:32
Yes, what is it?00:56:33
The taxi's here.00:56:34
Taxi? What taxi?00:56:37
Miss O'Shea's or mine.00:56:41
It's all yours,
Crabapple Annie.00:56:47
(CLICKS TONGUE)00:57:05
What is the delay,
young man?00:57:07
Delivery was
promised for 10:00.00:57:08
Sign here.00:57:10
I trust that it's
engraved correctly.00:57:12
I guess so.00:57:13
$39.85, wasn't it?00:57:14
Yeah.00:57:16
Here's $40.
Keep the change.00:57:23
You're sure
the setting is solid gold?00:57:25
Why, of course.00:57:26
There was one $5 cheaper,
but not nearly so handsome.00:57:28
Let's see it, Potts. Yes, please.00:57:30
No, no, it's wrapped
so neatly, I hate to.00:57:32
I'll take it, Miss Bragg.00:57:33
Room service.00:57:34
Now we've got room service.00:57:36
I thought she might like this.00:57:38
Thank you. It's nothing, really.00:57:40
Be careful.00:57:45
If I were the cream
for that woman's coffee,
I'd curdle.00:57:48
I thought you
meant to leave us
in protest, Miss Bragg.00:57:50
PROFESSORS:
Yes.00:57:52
A nurse does not
quit her post00:57:54
when an epidemic
reaches a crisis.00:58:06
SUGARPUSS: Come in.00:58:12
Morning, Pottsy.00:58:13
Good morning.
I brought your breakfast.00:58:15
Good, I'II have it right here
in the snooze stand,
thank you.00:58:20
Uh, how do you take it?00:58:21
Oh, just jav, no cow.00:58:22
Just what? Black.00:58:25
Sugar? Straight.00:58:28
Toast? No, thanks.00:58:31
You sure
you don't want
some toast?00:58:32
Uh-uh.00:58:33
Well, here's some jam
to go with it.00:58:34
It's blackberry. Mmm-mmm.00:58:36
Never use it.00:58:37
Not just one bite? Mmm-mmm.00:58:40
Sit down and take
a load off your feet.00:58:42
Say, I found out
what's wrong with
"on account of because."00:58:44
It's saying
the same thing twice,00:58:46
you know,
like calling somebody
a rich millionaire.00:58:47
You call it, um, a pleo...00:58:49
No, wait a minute, a plea...00:58:51
A pleonasm?00:58:53
Yes, that how you
pronounce it? That's it.00:58:55
Who told you that? Oh, this room's full
of books about grammar.00:58:56
I read for a couple of hours.00:58:58
Well, I couldn't sleep,
either.00:59:00
I walked
in the park till the sun
came up over the East Sixties.00:59:02
It took me all that time
to gather my thoughts,00:59:04
to analyze my impulses
and clarify our relationship.00:59:07
Have we got one of those?00:59:09
It's a very important moment,
a new chapter.00:59:12
In fact, for me,
it's the first chapter.00:59:14
For what has my life been
up till now?00:59:16
A preface.
An empty foreword.00:59:18
You couldn't talk
a little plainer,
could you?00:59:20
Not if you won't have
a piece of toast.00:59:23
At least just...
At least look under the lid.00:59:29
Oh, you went and
bought me a present.00:59:31
I hope it fits.00:59:33
Gurkakoff calculated
the circumference
of your finger.00:59:46
I woke up the jeweler
at 7:00 this morning.00:59:50
It's a lovely ring,
Pottsy, really it is.00:59:52
I hoped you'd like it.00:59:56
It's our...
It's our engagement ring.01:00:00
Pottsy, do you mean you...01:00:02
Yes, I did, I...01:00:05
You mean you really...01:00:11
Well?01:00:14
What am I supposed to say?01:00:16
Just say yes.01:00:18
After you've declared
your feelings,01:00:21
it's the only
logical step to take.01:00:22
Oh, don't you think
you'd better take01:00:25
another turn
around the park, Pottsy?01:00:28
I'm just as surprised as you.01:00:30
Marriage? I thought
I was married to my books.01:00:33
The only thing
I thought I could care
for deeply01:00:35
was a correctly
constructed sentence.01:00:38
The subject,
predicate, adverbial clause,01:00:39
each in its proper place,
and then you...01:00:44
You see, I've had
rather a curious life.01:00:47
I graduated from
Princeton when I was 13.01:00:50
I recited Tiger,
Tiger Burning Bright
when I was a year old.01:00:53
Before I was two,
I could read fluently.01:00:57
People like
that just, well...01:01:01
You see, dust just
piles up on their hearts.01:01:05
And it took you
to blow it away.01:01:08
Yeah, but I...01:01:11
I didn't mean
to blow it smack
into your eyes.01:01:14
Well, that's what
happened, look.01:01:16
Look inside the ring.01:01:20
Oh, yeah, there's writing.01:01:23
(SAYING, "RICHARD ILL")
"Richard Ill."
Who's Richard Ill?01:01:25
Richard III. Oh.01:01:27
Act 1, Scene 2, line 204.01:01:31
There wasn't room
for all the words.01:01:32
What words?01:01:34
Well, they go
like this, quote,01:01:38
"Look, how this ring
encompasseth thy finger.01:01:41
"Even so thy breast
encloseth my poor heart.01:01:44
"Wear both of them,
for both of them are thine."01:01:50
Unquote, I suppose.01:01:54
I hope you don't
think it's too corny.01:01:59
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)01:02:00
Pottsy, I...01:02:02
Come in.01:02:05
There is
a telephone call
for you.01:02:06
For me?01:02:08
We didn't want to interrupt,
but the man on the wire01:02:09
said it was from your daddy.01:02:11
Daddy?01:02:12
That's what he said.01:02:13
Oh.01:02:15
Oh, yes, Daddy!01:02:17
It's long distance.01:02:18
Yeah, I'll get it.01:02:21
How did it go, Potts?01:02:22
She seemed quite overwhelmed.01:02:24
That was to be expected.01:02:25
You see, excuse me,
you see,
the customary procedure01:02:28
is to approach
the parents of
the young lady first.01:02:31
PROFESSORS: Yes.01:02:32
Yes, I realize that.01:02:35
Hello?01:02:37
Hello, hello,
it's Asthma, Sugie.01:02:38
The boss wants
to talk to you,01:02:41
only we're relaying
the call so it won't
be traced, dig me?01:02:42
Here she is, boss. Ready?01:02:44
Okay, Sugie,
don't use no names, though.01:02:55
Oh, boy, did you call
at the right minute.01:02:57
Where are you?01:02:58
Some whistle
snort in New Jersey.01:03:00
Rancocas, it's called.01:03:03
Well, how you been, Sugie?
I hear you're hiding out
with the seven dwarfs.01:03:06
Eight. And it's
kind of indicated01:03:07
I'd better get
out of here quick.01:03:09
Oh, no, nothing like that,
it's just that01:03:11
one of the professors got
off the beam a little.01:03:13
Yeah, a slight case
of Andy Hardy.01:03:16
Why don't you just
take his umbrella01:03:17
and whack him
over the knuckles?01:03:20
Well, everything's
all set, babe.01:03:22
The license comes
through this afternoon.01:03:23
I got a justice of
the peace all lined up.01:03:27
Yeah, that's what
we're trying to figure out,01:03:28
how to get you here.01:03:30
No, I don't want
you to take a train.01:03:32
They'd spot you
like a lead dime.01:03:33
They'll be
watching everything,01:03:35
Holland Tunnel,
Washington Bridge.01:03:36
I don't even
trust the highways.01:03:38
I don't care
if I have to hook
a ride on a hearse.01:03:40
I want to get out of here.01:03:42
(DOOR CLOSES) I don't like it.
I want to blow. I...01:03:44
Oh...01:03:46
Well, um, what other
news is there, Daddy?01:03:49
Everything fine at home?
Is Mom all right?01:03:56
For Easter?
Well, I, uh...
I don't know, Daddy.01:04:00
Um, just a minute.01:04:02
Uh, I won't be long,
just wait in the library.01:04:04
Do you mind if
I have a few words
with your father?01:04:08
Sure.01:04:10
Um...01:04:12
Daddy, this is the professor
I was telling you about.01:04:20
Mr. O'Shea?
My name is Bertram Potts.01:04:24
I judge your daughter
has already told you01:04:27
of my aspirations
in her regard.01:04:30
Hey, are you crazy?01:04:32
Oh, you're quite right,
Mr. O'Shea.01:04:35
It's inexcusable for one
to introduce oneself01:04:37
to one's future father-in-law
over the telephone.01:04:41
But before even considering01:04:44
entrusting your daughter's
future happiness to my care,01:04:45
I'm sure you want
to know all about me.01:04:50
Well, as character references,01:04:52
you might get in
touch with the head01:04:53
of the Rockefeller Foundation,01:04:55
and the President
of Princeton,
my own university.01:04:59
Well, except for
occasional trouble
with my left sinus,01:05:02
I am in excellent
physical condition.01:05:05
Mmm-hmm, how's
your digestion, son?01:05:08
Good.01:05:09
I draw a salary
of $3,200 per year.01:05:14
Uh, in the last election,
I voted the straight
Republican ticket.01:05:17
Oh, that's fine, that's fine.01:05:20
I just had
a brain flash, McNeary.01:05:24
What did you say
your first name is, son?01:05:25
Bertram.01:05:28
Well, Bertram,
I don't know if
Sugarpuss told you,01:05:30
but, uh,
she's our only child.01:05:33
We kind of never figured
a professor in the family,01:05:36
but if that's what she wants,
then that's fine with us.01:05:39
Well, I shall do
everything I can,01:05:41
Mr. O'Shea,
to make her happy.01:05:42
Just one thing more, Bertram.01:05:45
Mom is kind of an invalid,
doesn't do any traveling.01:05:49
But it would
just break her heart
not to see Sugarpuss married.01:05:52
You understand that?01:05:53
Of course, sir.01:05:55
My mother's dead,
but I know it would have...01:05:59
It would have made her happy
to be present.01:06:02
So, suppose you
just bring the kid
right down here.01:06:05
We want to see you
and let's have
the ceremony in our hometown.01:06:10
Why, of course,
Mr. O'Shea.01:06:13
May I call you Father,
Mr. O'Shea?01:06:16
Thank you, Father.01:06:19
It was better
than I hoped for.01:06:21
Your father
wants to talk to you.01:06:27
Well, Sugie,
this solves your
transportation.01:06:30
That Jack was made-to-order.01:06:32
Who's gonna stop
the Rockefeller Foundation
and Princeton University?01:06:36
And suppose you get
a couple of the other
old beavers01:06:38
to come along in the car.01:06:39
Maybe there's some other way.01:06:41
I don't want to take them
for that kind of a ride.01:06:43
Oh that's quite all right.01:06:45
I'll take
a couple of days off.01:06:46
PROFESSORS: Yes, we all will.01:06:47
That's a good idea. I--I...01:06:49
Now cut out
the menkenkes, Sugie.01:06:51
This gets you to Rancocas.01:06:53
Once you're here,
we'll give the professor
the boot, easy like,01:06:55
where it won't blind him.01:06:57
I don't want any discussions.01:06:58
Just one thing.01:07:00
Watch out for
the Washington Bridge.01:07:03
That'll be
swarming with cops.01:07:04
(HANGS UP)01:07:05
Hello? Hello?01:07:11
What's the matter,
my dear?01:07:13
Oh, he's always
in such a rush.01:07:15
Which is my
great good fortune,
the sooner the better.01:07:18
Gentlemen,
I now have the honor
to announce our betrothal.01:07:20
Congratulations.01:07:22
(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)01:07:24
Very sensibly condensed,
as in the Reader's Digest.01:07:28
Please don't cry,
I'm very happy.01:07:29
Can't help it.01:07:31
Look, why don't you
go upstairs01:07:32
and pack my fiancee's
things for her? Please.01:07:34
I want to be an usher.01:07:36
We'll all be ushers.01:07:38
One kisses the bride.
May I?01:07:40
We'll all kiss the bride.01:07:41
Yes, of course.01:07:43
May we?01:07:44
Go ahead.01:07:50
We are very happy.01:07:52
We feel that you are
marrying all of us,
a little.01:07:55
Yes, yes, indeed.01:08:03
We wish you
every happiness,
my dear.01:08:08
All of us.01:08:13
If we're gonna get started
this afternoon,
I'd better be going.01:08:23
(DOOR OPENING)01:08:25
Well.01:08:30
Kind of a cheesy
picture of me, isn't it?01:08:32
Recognizable, thank heaven.01:08:34
Oh, wait a minute. Get your things together01:08:35
and get down the back stairs
before I call the police.01:08:36
I've got something to say.01:08:38
A gangster's moll thinking
she'd marry
one of my professors.01:08:40
Don't worry,
I'm not marrying
any professor.01:08:42
Certainly not.01:08:44
I'm mink coat.
I'm no bungalow apron.01:08:45
That's the guy I'm getting.01:08:47
Pretty good getting for a gal
that came up the hard way.01:08:49
We'll have
this room fumigated
when you're out of it.01:08:51
Well, you ought to, I guess. Let me past.01:08:53
Oh, no, no, no,
any spilling
that's to be done,01:08:54
I'll do, but not yet.01:08:55
Not while it would
bug up everything.01:08:57
If you think
I'll hold my tongue...01:08:58
Why don't you look at it
this way, Braggo?01:08:59
The harm's been done.01:09:00
Pottsy's gonna wear
his heart in a sling01:09:02
whether he finds
out sooner or later.01:09:03
Here or in New Jersey
won't make any
difference to him.01:09:06
Only, in New Jersey's
a darned sight better for me.01:09:09
Better for you, indeed.01:09:10
Oh, no, no, no. Why, you, you...01:09:11
Open that door
or I'll scream.01:09:13
Oh, no, I can't have you
screaming, not now.01:09:14
A piercing scream...01:09:15
Sorry, Braggo.01:09:34
(MUMBLING)01:09:37
What did you say? What?01:09:39
I was just running
through the marriage service.01:09:42
"To be my lawful wedded wife.01:09:43
"For better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer."01:09:45
Please, Pottsy. What?01:09:47
Don't, please.01:09:50
You're very nervous,
aren't you, darling?01:09:53
It's been
a very exciting day.01:09:55
Oh, it's just this
business of going to Jersey.01:09:56
I mean, back home.01:09:58
Every time I get
to this old bridge,01:10:00
I get worried for fear
I might get stuck01:10:01
and not be able to
get back over again.01:10:03
Oh, we'll bring you back,
don't you be afraid.01:10:12
Okay, go ahead.01:10:22
Hey. Sorry, sorry.01:10:24
You trying to
play piggy-back?01:10:27
Listen to that.01:10:28
I don't see any
reason for sarcasm.01:10:30
Neither do I.01:10:36
Something wrong
with your brakes,
sonny?01:10:38
I couldn't locate
it for a moment.01:10:40
This is a rented car.01:10:42
Got a driver's license?01:10:43
I have, indeed.01:10:52
"1903."
This should have
been renewed 20 times.01:10:56
This is as far as
you drive, brother.01:10:57
Oh, no, no.01:10:59
But, Officer,
this is a wedding party.01:11:02
A wedding party?01:11:04
Are you the bridegroom?01:11:05
No, I am.01:11:06
Is this the bride?01:11:07
Yes.01:11:08
Pardon me. Officer, please.01:11:10
What is it?01:11:11
It's good luck
to touch a bride,01:11:12
and I got
a promotion coming up. Oh.01:11:14
Well, could you reciprocate
by letting us proceed?01:11:18
Yes, we'll drive
very carefully. Yes.01:11:19
Postponing a wedding
is bad luck, you know,
Officer.01:11:22
That's right.
Well, what are you
waiting for?01:11:24
Get going. Okay.01:11:26
A very nice gentleman.01:11:31
All that nonsense
with my driving license.01:11:35
With that
license I once drove
President Theodore Roosevelt.01:11:38
And he pronounced
my driving bully.01:11:41
(HORN HONKING)01:11:42
He said that...01:11:43
Look out! Look out!01:11:48
Look out, look out!01:11:51
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)01:11:52
(PHONE RINGING)01:11:58
(BANGING ON DOOR)01:12:08
Help! Help!01:12:12
Police! Police! Help! Help!01:12:15
Huh? How's that,
operator? No answer.01:12:18
Jam it. Jam it.01:12:20
(PHONE RINGING)01:12:23
Huh?01:12:25
All right, I didn't mean
to say it, I'm sorry.01:12:28
Hey, wait a minute,
there's a car driving up now.01:12:31
(PHONE RINGING)01:12:34
Listen, sister,
I said I was sorry.
What do you want me to do?01:12:36
Send you a bouquet of...01:12:38
Oh, it's you,
wait a minute.01:12:40
Hey, it's Sugarpuss.01:12:44
Sugie, say,
what the sweet
Judas gives out?01:12:46
Where are you?01:12:47
We're not down here
to enjoy ourselves.
This is a wedding.01:12:51
A what? They had an accident.01:12:54
(PROFESSORS CHATTERING) Nothing serious.01:12:57
No, it just shook
the old boys up a little.01:13:00
I couldn't get
to a phone before.01:13:02
I don't know,
some little
hotel near Kingston.01:13:05
Poplar Grove,
it's called. Yeah.01:13:08
Oh, sure, Joe,
there's a midnight bus.
I can grab that.01:13:11
Midnight bus,
what are you talking about?01:13:13
I'II have Asthma and Pastrami
pick you up
in about 40 minutes.01:13:15
Sure tonight.01:13:17
I've got a justice
of the peace on call.01:13:19
There'll be a justice
of the peace tomorrow.01:13:21
Now, why not
do this thing right?01:13:23
I want to wait until
the old boys go to bed.01:13:25
I can't walk
out on them cold.01:13:27
Maybe you'd like to sit down01:13:29
and knit them
eight little sweaters
to remember you by.01:13:31
I've told you how
it's going to be,
now stop barking orders.01:13:34
So long.01:13:39
Get the car ready.01:13:43
GURKAKOFF: I could prove
to you by the laws
of relativity01:13:45
that it was not I who
ran into the signpost,01:13:48
but that it was
the signpost which ran...01:13:51
That's all right,
go ahead, sit down.01:13:54
But that it was the signpost
which ran into me.01:13:58
Let me explain.01:14:01
If you do, by that same law,
your head will run
into this bottle.01:14:03
(ALL LAUGHING)01:14:05
Before you do that,
I'd like a drink, please.01:14:06
By all means, excuse me.01:14:08
No, I think I'll hit the hay,
get some sleep.01:14:10
PROFESSORS: Why? The evening's young yet.01:14:12
Oh, no, I don't belong here.01:14:13
This is a bachelor dinner.01:14:14
Ah, but this one is different.01:14:16
No, that's the law.01:14:17
We've heard from the garage.01:14:18
The car will be
ready in the morning.01:14:19
Perhaps it will hold together
until Rancocas.01:14:21
Then we'll
be leaving early.01:14:23
Yeah, after
issuing an urgent appeal01:14:25
to all signposts
not to charge at us.01:14:27
That's right.01:14:28
What...01:14:30
What time shall we waken you,
about 7:30?01:14:32
Oh, I'll be awake all right.01:14:35
Well, kids, here's to you.01:14:38
Here's to you.01:14:39
Here's to all of us.01:14:41
Yes, to all of us.01:14:47
Pottsy, I...01:14:51
You know,
you boys still
have time to warn him.01:14:53
A man is a goof
to marry any woman.01:14:55
Just let them try to warn me.01:14:57
He'll have to console us
that there aren't seven
more just like you.01:15:00
Yeah, one for each of us.01:15:02
Of assorted ages, of course.01:15:04
Naturally.01:15:05
I...01:15:08
Well, I...01:15:09
I'd like to keep you
all in a locket, always.01:15:13
Eight squirrelly cherubs
right out of this world.01:15:18
Bye, kids.01:15:19
PROFESSORS: Good night.01:15:21
Good night.01:15:22
Did you hear, Potts?01:15:23
I'm a squirrelly cherub.01:15:45
No, no, no.
No, I insist,
the happiest marriages01:15:49
are those which
produce three children01:15:51
at intervals of
not less than two
or more than three years.01:15:56
Gentlemen, gentlemen. Please.01:15:59
You are all
speaking very glibly
about a subject01:16:02
of which you know
practically nothing.01:16:04
No, I know what I'm saying.01:16:07
Uh, if you feel
the need of any guidance,01:16:09
may I suggest
that you turn to me.01:16:12
Oh, that's right.
You were married,
weren't you?01:16:14
Oh, yes.
Genevieve has been dead
for some 24 years, but...01:16:19
I have relived every moment
of our happiness
so many times.01:16:23
And my experience
is entirely at your disposal,
Bertram.01:16:26
Thank you,
Oddly, but I really...01:16:27
I judge I do not
have to start
with basic principles.01:16:33
Being...01:16:36
Being a botanist,
I find
an astonishing parallel01:16:39
between a woman's heart
and the wind flower01:16:43
or Anemone nemorosa.01:16:45
Perhaps you know the plant,
how it waits for
the warm sunshine01:16:49
and soft winds before
it, uh, it unfolds its petals.01:16:55
Sensitive and delicate.01:16:56
One rough, impetuous bee
can completely
destroy the bloom.01:17:01
Oh, come out of the garden,
will you, Oddly?01:17:03
Jerome. Have a heart.01:17:04
I'm much obliged to you,
Oddly, but I...01:17:06
Please, please, Bertram.
Think of me as
an elder brother01:17:10
or father, anxious to
send you off properly.01:17:15
As we all are. Of course.01:17:17
Now, tenderness,01:17:20
that is what I advocate.01:17:22
Tenderness and patience.01:17:26
Genevieve was a watercolorist.01:17:28
Therefore,
after the wedding reception,01:17:30
we went straight
to the Catskills.01:17:35
Ah, we spent there
a beautiful week
filled with promise.01:17:41
And returned to New York
with 14 excellent watercolors.01:17:45
Hmm, fourteen watercolors.01:17:47
Uh, back in New York,
I flung my enthusiasm
into preparing a lecture,01:17:51
"The Flora of the Catskills,"01:17:54
whilst Genevieve painted
a flight of swallows01:17:57
around the walls
of our living room.01:17:59
Ah, me.01:18:02
I remember for three months,
every time
I bade her goodnight01:18:06
I would kiss
the palm of her little hand,01:18:10
astonished at
my own boldness.01:18:13
What did you say
the name of the flower was?01:18:15
Anemone nemorosa,
of the buttercup family.01:18:19
Uh, Genevieve was a blonde.01:18:24
Here is a lock of her hair.01:18:27
Very lovely. Yes.01:18:29
I remember, it used
to shine a great deal.01:18:32
And there was
a song at that time
everyone sang.01:18:36
Unfortunately,
I can never carry a tune.01:18:38
(HUMMING)01:18:40
Uh, uh, that's it.01:18:44
Please sing it all.01:18:47
♪ O Genevieve01:18:50
Does anyone else know it?01:18:51
♪ Sweet Genevieve01:18:53
♪ The days may come01:18:56
♪ The days may go01:19:00
♪ But still the hands01:19:03
♪ Of memory weave01:19:06
♪ The blissful dreams01:19:10
♪ Of long ago 01:19:14
Please sing it again.01:19:16
♪ O Genevieve01:19:19
♪ Sweet Genevieve01:19:23
♪ The days may come01:19:26
♪ The days may go01:19:30
♪ But still the hands01:19:34
♪ Of memory weave01:19:39
♪ The blissful dreams01:19:43
♪ Of long ago 01:19:48
Oh, please, go on.01:19:51
♪ O Genevieve01:19:55
♪ Sweet Genevieve01:19:57
Thank you, thank you so much.01:19:59
♪ The days may come01:20:02
♪ The days may go01:20:05
♪ But still the hands01:20:09
♪ Of memory weave01:20:13
♪ The blissful dreams01:20:17
♪ Of long ago 01:20:31
(HUMMING)01:20:34
Good boy.01:20:37
(SINGING)01:20:39
(ALL SINGING)01:20:46
Robinson, what did you make
of what Oddly was saying?01:20:49
Don't ask me, Potts.
He's the expert.01:20:51
What's his bungalow number?01:20:52
I don't know.
Ask Peagram.01:20:54
Peagram, what's the number
of Oddly's bungalow?01:20:57
He's in six.01:21:00
(ALL CONTINUE SINGING)01:21:23
Oddly?01:21:26
I'm sorry, Oddly,
but I've got to
talk this out.01:21:28
I must get this off my chest
before it stifles me.01:21:32
If you don't mind,
we won't turn on the light01:21:34
while we're discussing
these things
extremely personal.01:21:37
What you said,01:21:39
I recognize
the beauty and delicacy01:21:41
of the relationship
you described.01:21:43
But I'm...
I don't trust myself.01:21:46
I'm afraid
I'm a lot bolder
than you are, Oddly.01:21:48
You don't think
that would necessarily
endanger everything? Do you?01:21:51
Why, the very idea
that I should have to
spend my honeymoon01:21:55
watching her
paint in watercolors01:21:57
just because
she's like somebody
from the...01:21:59
From the buttercup
family, I...01:22:02
I'm a man in love.01:22:03
It's the first
time in my life.01:22:04
I want to take
her in my arms.01:22:06
I thought
because I was young,01:22:08
I had self-control
but that's not true.01:22:10
I think of her
every waking moment.01:22:12
Why, if this marriage
had been delayed,01:22:14
l mean,
should have been delayed,01:22:15
I mean, should be...01:22:18
Listen to that.01:22:20
Oddly, I don't know
my tenses anymore.01:22:21
I've gone goofy,
completely goofy,
bim-buggy, slap-happy.01:22:26
Can a man like
that keep his mind
on the Anemone nemorosa?01:22:30
Pottsy.01:22:31
What...01:22:38
I'm sorry, I don't know
how I could have
made such a mistake.01:22:42
To say such things
to a woman.01:22:44
You'll have to forgive me.01:22:47
Oh, don't apologize,
Pottsy.01:22:49
It was illuminating.01:22:55
PROFESSOR: Professor Potts!01:22:58
Somebody is calling me.01:23:01
Are they?01:23:04
Maybe it's just
as well.01:23:06
PROFESSOR: Professor Potts!01:23:07
PROFESSOR #2: Professor Potts!01:23:09
I'll be back.01:23:24
Were you calling me? Yes, we were, Potts.01:23:26
Potts, something has come up.01:23:28
Yes, well... Well, what?01:23:31
You better tell him,
Martin.01:23:33
Maybe he'd better
tell him.01:23:35
Who? Potts.01:23:38
There's a gentleman here. No.01:23:39
There's a man here. No.01:23:41
Four men, four men inside.01:23:42
Yes, they'll tell you.01:23:54
Well, what...01:23:56
LILAC: So you're
the bridegroom?01:23:57
Yes. This is Professor Potts.01:23:59
How are you, Bertram?01:24:02
I thought
you'd look like
these other squats,01:24:05
only with a beard
and pea soup on it.01:24:08
What about me evoked
this interest on your part?01:24:11
Sounds like it was engraved,
don't it?01:24:12
Yeah.01:24:14
What is this all about?01:24:15
It's about Sugarpuss.01:24:17
Perhaps if we
talked to him...01:24:19
There's been too
many detours as is.01:24:21
Maybe you recognize
my voice, Bertram,
do you?01:24:27
How's your sinus?01:24:31
You're not her father.01:24:32
You're getting warm.01:24:34
I'm her daddy.01:24:35
(GANGSTER LAUGHING) Shut up.01:24:37
I believe I'm entitled
to some clarification.01:24:42
So am I.01:24:53
Lipstick.01:24:59
What are you doing?01:25:01
(CHATTERING)01:25:02
Calm down now, Wimpy.01:25:09
I was kind of
counting on Sugarpuss
to tell you the score.01:25:12
Trouble is she's all right
giving out with the twists
and the wise cracks.01:25:15
When it comes
to leveling off,
she gets chicken.01:25:17
He's trying to say
that our wedding trip
was nothing but a vast lie.01:25:19
A vast lie?01:25:21
Don't you
believe it, Bertram.01:25:23
There's going to be
a wedding all right,
with Sugarpuss the bride.01:25:26
Only I'm the bridegroom.01:25:27
(LAUGHING) Shake it off.01:25:32
I certainly do
appreciate the way01:25:34
you guys
delivered a hot cargo.01:25:37
LILAC: She was to be
handled with care.01:25:39
Potts, it seems that
your bride to be...01:25:43
JOE: His bride.
That's a laugh.01:25:46
It seems that
Sugarpuss has used us
to circumvent the police.01:25:50
We serving as
protective
coloration.01:25:52
PROFESSOR: Yes.01:25:53
I don't believe it.01:25:55
Professor, you really thought
she was going to marry you01:25:57
with your $3,000
what-was-it a year?01:26:00
She spends that much
for having
her toenails painted.01:26:03
She sulks if she has to wear
last year's ermine.01:26:08
He don't believe it.
Look at him.01:26:12
All right.
Suppose you go tell Sugarpuss
Daddy's here.01:26:19
Joe Lilac's the name.01:26:27
(CAR APPROACHING)01:26:33
Professor Potts!
Professor Potts!01:26:35
Why, Miss Bragg. Is it too late?01:26:37
Have you married that girl?
She knocked me out.01:26:39
Nine hours in a closet.
Something told me all along.01:26:40
Hold the phone, sister.01:26:42
We traced you
through your accident.01:26:44
There's a warrant
from the DA's office01:26:45
for this
girlfriend of Lilac's.01:26:46
Where is she?01:27:01
(MOTORCYCLE DRIVING AWAY)01:27:10
There's a Mr. Lilac
waiting for you.01:27:13
Yeah.01:27:16
The situation has
been explained to me
in simple terms.01:27:20
You don't have to
worry about the police.01:27:22
I told them you and he
left a half hour ago.01:27:25
Probably were in
Trenton by now.01:27:26
Thanks, Pottsy.01:27:28
Thanks for what?01:27:30
You've given us
all a fine course01:27:32
in the theory and
practice of being a sucker.01:27:33
It was a very
small tuition fee.01:27:36
Perhaps it wasn't quite worthy
of you choosing us01:27:38
as subjects
of your demonstration.01:27:42
Eight pushovers,
like shooting
fish in a barrel.01:27:46
I...01:27:48
I didn't want you
to get it this way.01:27:51
Not right in the face.01:27:54
I've been...01:27:57
I've been sitting here
trying to write you a letter.01:28:00
Here are all my excuses.01:28:06
The handwriting of a...01:28:08
What would be
your word for it?01:28:17
A tramp.01:28:21
(SOBBING)01:28:42
Good morning,
Miss Bragg.01:28:43
Good morning,
gentlemen.01:28:45
What about some
nice hot breakfast?01:28:46
I made some
Parker House rolls.01:28:48
No, thank you. Even have some jam.01:28:49
Strawberry jam,
Professor Oddly.01:28:51
Thank you, Miss Bragg,
but I don't think so.01:28:53
Nobody wants any breakfast? No, thank you.01:28:55
Why? What? Very well.01:29:00
(CONGA MUSIC PLAYING)01:29:18
Gentlemen,
just a moment, please.01:29:22
Before we attempt
to get back to work,
I'd like to say a few words.01:29:24
You've been very kind
and very tactful.01:29:27
If I may say so,
over-tactful.01:29:30
The entire ride
home in the car,01:29:32
you avoided a certain subject
and made empty conversation.01:29:35
Now, let's have it out.01:29:37
I made an ass of myself
and I know it.01:29:38
Oh, well,
we all have, Potts.01:29:41
Yes, but I was
the lead donkey.01:29:43
Why not just
regard the episode01:29:45
as a prolonged constitutional?01:29:48
PROFESSORS: That's right.
That's what we'll do.01:29:50
Thank you.01:29:51
What happened to our emotions
can't be undone.01:29:55
What happened to our work
must be remedied.01:29:58
I'm sorry, but because of me
we must work
two extra hours a day.01:30:02
In a month,
we'll be back on
schedule again.01:30:03
PROFESSORS:
Sure. That's right.01:30:04
Now, we are all scholars.01:30:06
Let us withdraw
behind our wall of books,01:30:09
and may her name never
be brought up in
this house again.01:30:12
We didn't mention it, Potts.01:30:14
Not even by
omitting it so obviously.01:30:16
Excuse me, Bertram, but...01:30:19
Well, uh, now that
we are burying her memory,01:30:23
I feel it only fair, you see,
she gave me
something for you.01:30:27
I found her
crying in her bungalow,01:30:30
and she slipped your
ring into my pocket.01:30:33
Put it in the wastebasket,
please, Oddly.01:30:35
(STUTTERING)
Just a moment. Just a moment.01:30:36
Is this your ring, Potts?01:30:38
That for $39.85?01:30:40
Doesn't look like it.01:30:42
Why, no it is not.01:30:43
Are you sure?01:30:44
Positive.01:30:47
Because
if this is the one
she gave back to you01:30:50
and not
the one you gave her,01:30:53
it's enormously interesting.01:30:54
But why?01:30:56
Why? How so?01:30:58
Potts.01:31:00
She loves you.01:31:01
How can you say that?01:31:03
Please, she happened
to pull that one
off by mistake.01:31:04
Not according to
Professor Freud.01:31:06
Freud?01:31:07
The subconscious mind
never makes mistakes.01:31:11
She gave you
the ring she didn't want,
his ring.01:31:15
And she kept
the one she wanted, yours.01:31:19
That's right, Potts.01:31:21
Bosh and nonsense.01:31:22
I agree with Miss Bragg.01:31:25
I refuse to be coddled
with a lot of
psychoanalytical nonsense.01:31:27
As one who understands
a woman's heart,
I would like to...01:31:30
(ALL MURMURING)01:31:34
Good morning. PROFESSORS: Good morning.01:31:36
Quite an eventful night
last night, gentlemen.01:31:38
At least,
so we see by the papers.01:31:40
We're quite fresh
this morning, however.01:31:42
And we're going back
to work with a will.01:31:44
Yes, indeed. There's no hurry about that.01:31:46
Not any longer.01:31:47
We've had quite enough
of your activities.01:31:49
It has cost
the estate some $300,000
to at last have its name01:31:52
spread across every
tabloid in New York.01:31:54
"Night club babe hides out
in Totten Foundation."01:31:57
And this one. Yes.01:32:00
"Professor bridegroom carries
ball of fire
across state line."01:32:02
And many others like it.01:32:04
For my father,
I feel profound humiliation.01:32:07
For myself,
unutterable disgust.01:32:09
Shall I go ahead? Please.01:32:11
For the aforesaid reasons,01:32:12
Miss Totten has decided
to discontinue
the encyclopedia.01:32:14
What?01:32:16
How soon can you vacate?01:32:17
Vacate? After nine years?01:32:18
Expelled in disgrace?01:32:19
Pull the chair
from under us?01:32:20
Thrown out like
eight old shoes?01:32:22
I'm sorry, gentlemen,
but my mind's made up.01:32:25
Go ahead, Mr. Larsen.01:32:27
Several real estate firms
are interested
in this property.01:32:29
One of the companies
wants to erect
an apartment house here,01:32:30
giving you...01:32:31
Whoa! Please don't do that.01:32:33
I'm sorry.01:32:34
One word, Miss Totten, may I?01:32:37
In your very
understandable excitement,01:32:39
a great injustice
is being done.01:32:41
I am the guilty one.01:32:43
And I accept
my dishonorable discharge
without protest,01:32:45
but that others should suffer
and be punished01:32:48
(STAMMERING)
for my misconduct
is unthinkable.01:32:50
(WINDOW BREAKS)01:32:52
Oh, my goodness,
what was that?01:32:55
(GASPS)01:32:59
Good morning. Good morning.01:33:01
Everybody line up over there,
like for a photograph.01:33:05
With you,
Bertram, in the foreground.01:33:08
Come on, get going.01:33:09
Get around, get around.
Go on.01:33:11
PASTRAMI: Faster. Keep moving.01:33:14
Saint Valentine's Day!01:33:36
Is the bride ready yet?01:33:38
No, not yet. What?01:33:41
Louder, please.01:33:43
We're still talking it over.01:33:45
Good idea.
Important step.01:33:48
Hey, wait a minute.
Where you going?01:33:50
For lunch. Five minutes late.01:33:52
When are you
going to be back?01:33:54
After I've ate
and had my nap.01:33:56
How long are we
gonna argue this?01:33:59
Now look, Sugie. I said no. And no is no.01:34:03
Sugie, when I was
nine years old,01:34:04
I was in love with
my piano teacher.01:34:06
She played classical.01:34:07
You're not nine years old.01:34:09
I love him.01:34:10
She loves him.01:34:11
Yes, I love him.01:34:13
I love those hick shirts
he wears
with the boiled cuffs.01:34:16
And the way he always has
his vest buttoned wrong.01:34:18
Looks like
a giraffe and I love him.01:34:20
I love him because
he's the kind of a guy01:34:22
that gets drunk on
a glass of buttermilk.01:34:25
And I love the way
he blushes right
up over his ears.01:34:30
I love him
because he doesn't know
how to kiss, the jerk.01:34:34
I love him, Joe.
That's what I'm
trying to tell you.01:34:37
I'll never see him again.01:34:40
But I'm not gonna marry you.01:34:42
Not if you tie
a ton of cement
around my neck01:34:44
and throw me
into the East River01:34:46
like you did to
all the others.01:34:47
I tell you,
Joe was framed. Oh, sure, sure.01:34:49
So you tell me,
I know better now.01:34:52
I guess she'd better
talk to her professor.01:34:54
Get him on the phone.01:34:55
You leave him out of this.01:34:57
Imagine that big giraffe
at the bottom
of the East River.01:34:59
You wouldn't
like that to happen
to him, would you, Sugarpuss?01:35:01
That ain't funny, McGee.01:35:03
Who said it's funny?01:35:04
I mean business.01:35:07
That is if you
don't say "I do"
like a nice little bride.01:35:09
Uh-uh.01:35:11
I kind of figured
you'd bumped your brains
into one of them pink clouds.01:35:14
You can't do this, Joe.01:35:15
It's too late, Sugie.01:35:17
The pressure's on
already.01:35:18
What is this?
Putting the screws on me?01:35:20
You said it,
and right where
it'll do the most good.01:35:22
Neighborhood of the heart.01:35:23
McNEARY: Hello.01:35:25
This is McNeary.
Hang on. Here you are.01:35:28
You take it.01:35:34
Hello?01:35:35
Hello, Sugie.01:35:37
Sure, it's Pastrami.01:35:41
Just dropped in on the boys,
Asthma and me,01:35:43
with our little
old typewriters.01:35:46
That's up to the boss.
We're waiting for orders.01:35:49
For orders?01:35:51
Can we make
a deal now, Sugie?01:35:53
Sure we can, brother.01:35:55
Put him on,
Pastrami, just a word.01:35:59
Would you mind stepping
to the phone,
Professor Potts?01:36:01
A lady friend of yours.01:36:04
I have nothing to say
to Miss O'Shea.01:36:06
Oh.01:36:07
Oh, please, please!01:36:09
You haven't?01:36:10
Just a moment.01:36:12
Goodness, this is awful.
Yesterday, a nightclub...01:36:13
Shut your clam, sister.01:36:15
Hello.01:36:17
Yes, Miss O'Shea,
this is Professor Potts.01:36:20
Your friends are here.01:36:23
Not at all.01:36:24
Your methods are
familiar by now.01:36:26
I don't know
the exact purpose
of this maneuver.01:36:29
What more can be
gained from us?01:36:31
But I hope
that it works
to your advantage.01:36:35
I'm sorry, Pottsy,
but it'll be all
right in a little while.01:36:38
They won't hurt anybody.01:36:40
Just don't do
anything foolish.01:36:42
Promise me, Pottsy. Give it.01:36:48
Okay, Bertram,
put Pastrami back on.01:36:51
I imagine he wants
to talk to you.01:36:54
Yes, boss?01:36:57
Okay, we'll wait
for the call.01:36:59
And best wishes, boss.
Congratulations.01:37:03
Well, all we have to do
is to wait for
the all-clear signal.01:37:08
We'll dismiss the class
right after the ceremony.01:37:11
Did you say
after the ceremony?01:37:13
That's what I said.01:37:15
You mean they're
not married yet?01:37:16
Why do you think
we're futzing
around with these?01:37:18
Well, I don't know,
I thought...01:37:20
A little trouble
with Sugarpuss'
vocal chords.01:37:21
Wouldn't say yes.01:37:24
She wouldn't say yes?
What...01:37:26
You very ugly young man,01:37:28
you know,
to me at this moment01:37:29
you look
perfectly delightful? Huh?01:37:31
I mean absolutely beautiful. I what?01:37:32
Positively wonderful. Are you nuts?01:37:34
(LAUGHING)
No, l feel like yodeling.01:37:36
(YODELING)01:37:39
Doc... Pardon me.01:37:40
Dr. Gurkakoff,
my apologies to
Professor Freud.01:37:44
Thank you.01:37:45
But you don't understand.01:37:47
This visit is
no longer a mystery.01:37:48
Apparently, it requires
those two guns01:37:50
leveled on us
to force Sugarpuss
to marry Mr. Lilac.01:37:53
You mean to say that... Yes.01:37:55
That explains everything.01:37:56
Break it up, break it up.01:37:58
We can't allow that. No, no, indeed.01:38:00
Can't, huh?
What do you think
we're here for?01:38:01
But, young man, you see,
we all love this
young lady very dearly.01:38:05
Better look out.
It's gonna spit.01:38:07
What is going to... Oh, dear.01:38:09
Now, sit down,
all of you. Sit down.01:38:10
Yes, we're...
I mean, we're...01:38:19
Ah.01:38:21
Don't look so big now,
them eight big brains.01:38:24
Not to me they don't.01:38:27
You are under the impression
that you are big01:38:29
because you have
those firearms01:38:30
because you know
how to load them
and pull the trigger.01:38:33
It would be interesting
to teach them the contrary...01:38:35
Button it up, understand?01:38:39
Hey, fellows,
this won't take a second.01:38:42
They're pulling
a double or nothing
on that quizzola.01:38:44
Three new questions. First.01:38:47
"The sword of Damocles,
was that a..."01:38:51
Say, was you holding
a meeting or something?01:38:53
More like a wake, maybe.01:38:57
Oh, excuse me.01:39:00
Just a minute, Jack.01:39:02
We got a loge seat for you,
right in the back row.01:39:05
This way, please.01:39:13
That's right.01:39:16
ASTHMA: Now, sit down.01:39:35
Young man, your...01:39:38
You don't mind if
we talk, do you?01:39:40
PASTRAMI: Just keep it funny.01:39:41
Thank you.01:39:43
Your question
as you came in was about01:39:45
the sword of Damocles,
I believe.01:39:47
Yeah.01:39:48
But I'd just as soon skip it.01:39:50
No, but it's a very
interesting subject.01:39:51
Never mind.01:39:52
Yeah, but I do mind.01:39:54
I just wanted to tell you
that the sword of Damocles01:39:57
was suspended over his head.01:39:58
Yes, by a single hair.01:40:00
Exactly.01:40:01
Did you hear that,
Robinson?01:40:03
Suspended over
his head by a single hair.01:40:06
A constant source of danger.01:40:08
Mr. Pastrami,
you know your history,
don't you?01:40:12
Uh, it's not one of
my best points.01:40:14
I never went in
for that kind of stuff.01:40:17
At least, not very much.01:40:19
Well, I thought
I'd just ask you.01:40:20
A very interesting
lesson indeed.01:40:22
Yes.01:40:24
Yes, indeed.
I've always found it
a most absorbing subject.01:40:29
But Mr. Totten is not
suspended by a hair.01:40:31
(SHUSHING)01:40:33
ASTHMA: Uh-uh.01:40:34
No secrets,
boys, talk upstairs.01:40:38
I thought you'd see it.01:40:39
Don't you agree,
Dr. Gurkakoff?01:40:41
What did you say?01:40:42
I said, don't you agree?01:40:44
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
A danger very often
overhangs the unsuspecting.01:40:48
What kind of jive is that?01:40:49
If you're gonna talk,
talk so we can dig it.01:40:52
Oh, I'm sorry. We'll try.01:40:54
Dr. Gurkakoff?01:40:55
Yeah?01:40:57
What was that about
the Roman fleet
and Archimedes?01:40:59
I don't remember.01:41:01
You know, it's not exactly...01:41:03
Why, he set it afire
with the use of reflectors.01:41:06
You can talk just
as well sitting down,
can't you?01:41:09
Yes, yes.01:41:11
POTTS: I find that
vastly instructive,
don't you, Dr. Gurkakoff?01:41:14
Extremely enlightening.01:41:18
Uh, Potts, you were saying...01:41:19
Yes.01:41:21
Now if I... May I stand?01:41:23
PASTRAMI: Sure,
if it's gonna help.01:41:25
Thank you, it will a lot.01:41:27
Uh, now, if I may have
your attention
for a few moments.01:41:30
Gentlemen,
you see your inferiority
is a question01:41:33
of the bony
structure of your skulls.01:41:36
What's the matter
with our skulls?01:41:37
POTTS: Oh, now,
just listen, please.01:41:39
Let us take
the glandular
syncopation of your eyes.01:41:41
Kindly look at me,
both of you.01:41:42
It's very important.01:41:44
They are
the doliocephalic and
the brachiocephalic01:41:47
with a somewhat
Mediterranean estrafuge.01:41:49
Now try to follow me closely.01:41:51
Now, the double smorgasbord
of your chins, for instance,01:41:55
convexing into
the cataclysmic protoplasm...01:41:58
Am I boring you?01:42:01
I don't get it.01:42:04
Now, the latest
centrifugal research01:42:05
as performed
by Bronxville scientists
has proven01:42:09
that syllogism is
enigmatic to prolonged01:42:12
resistance,
especially in the cavalry.01:42:14
Now take your ears.
The totalitarian mastoid01:42:17
of their basic
lobes prematurely01:42:20
extricated from
the paranoiac agriculture01:42:22
and molecular cadenzas...01:42:23
Get down to it.01:42:24
What's wrong with us?01:42:26
Oh, uh, nothing.01:42:29
You're just fine.
Everything's fine.01:42:31
Now, on one hand we have
the sword of Damocles,01:42:34
and on the other
hand we have...01:42:37
Professor Quintana,
would you look up something01:42:39
in Tate's
Oriental Philosophy
for me?01:42:41
I think I saw it last
on your desk.01:42:42
Yes, yes.01:42:44
Uh, line one, chapter seven.01:42:46
Yes.01:42:47
(STAMMERING)
Do you mind?01:42:49
Hey, this mixed-up talk
is giving me a headache.01:42:52
All that book talk.
That's a lot of mahaha.01:42:55
I assure you this is
not a lot of mahaha.01:42:56
This is...01:42:58
I'II show you
what makes
the world go round.01:43:00
Uh, kind of spread out
a little bit, will you?01:43:02
(YELLING)01:43:07
PROFESSOR: My globe! My globe!01:43:09
Me, I don't like globes.01:43:12
Now me.01:43:18
I saw me a picture last week.01:43:33
There's gonna be a lot
of trash tomorrow, sister.01:43:35
If there is
any tomorrow, brother.01:43:38
(GLASS BREAKING)01:43:43
(ASTHMA WHOOPING)01:43:47
(PASTRAMI LAUGHING)01:43:48
(GUNS FIRING)01:43:54
Ain't there some more
of them things around?01:43:57
Oh, don't get up,
please, just...01:43:58
Please.01:44:02
What's the matter
with all of you?01:44:04
We thought...01:44:06
Young man.01:44:07
PASTRAMI: What do you want?01:44:09
Uh, do you think
you could shoot this dime01:44:13
if I held it
between my fingers?01:44:18
Why, sure.01:44:21
(VOICE CRACKING)
I mean...01:44:22
l mean from where
you were sitting.01:44:30
Okay.01:44:37
All right, put it up.01:44:41
Perhaps we'd better use
a quarter.01:44:43
Well, that's twice as easy.01:44:45
Oh, I'm glad.01:44:56
Or maybe even
a 50-cent piece?01:45:01
He's not as dumb as he looks.01:45:03
Oh, has anyone change for $1?01:45:07
PASTRAMI: Never mind,
never mind.01:45:08
A quarter will do. Put it up.01:45:09
Oh, no, I can get change.01:45:11
Never mind, put it up.01:45:32
(SHOUTING)01:45:34
I've got him!01:45:44
PROFESSOR #1:
Hold him, hold him.01:45:45
PROFESSOR #2:
I've got him.01:45:49
(HORN HONKING)01:45:51
New Jersey?
That's an awful big order.01:45:52
Whereabouts in Jersey?01:45:54
You just keep on driving.01:45:56
Further orders
will be forthcoming.01:45:57
I warned you, Miss Totten,
you should never
have come along.01:46:00
It may be very dangerous.01:46:01
This is my encyclopedia,
and I am going
to stick with it.01:46:04
I've never had
so much fun in my life.01:46:05
(HORN HONKING)01:46:06
How are they doing inside?01:46:08
Are we ready?01:46:09
Shall we start
the torture now?01:46:10
Just one moment.01:46:13
First, we are going to
give him just one chance
to talk.01:46:15
Where is that ceremony
taking place?01:46:16
Listen, monkey,01:46:18
I've been given
the third degree
by all kinds of cops.01:46:20
All over.01:46:21
But not by us.01:46:22
You will see,
I am an authority
on Chinese tortures.01:46:24
(LAUGHING)
That tickles!01:46:26
Are you ready,
Dr. Gurkakoff?01:46:28
That's right.01:46:29
Now, between
the 12th and 13th vertebra.01:46:31
No! No! No!01:46:33
Hold his head down.01:46:36
Hey, cut it out!01:46:38
Stop it, will you? Look out.01:46:39
No, no, no.01:46:43
Will you cut it out? Stop it.01:46:46
No! No!01:46:49
Around and around.01:46:56
All right, all right!01:46:58
All right, I'II talk!
I'll talk.01:46:59
Oh! They're in Fulham,
New Jersey.01:47:02
Fulham, New Jersey.01:47:04
Fulham, New Jersey.01:47:06
Shortest route,
Bloomfield, Pine Brook,
Mine Hills, Allamuchy.01:47:19
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE:
And now repeat after me.01:47:21
I, Joseph Lilac.01:47:22
I, Joseph Lilac.01:47:23
Loud, please.01:47:24
I, Joseph Lilac...01:47:26
Head of Murder Incorporated.01:47:27
Quiet.01:47:28
Take thee,
Katherine O'Shea.01:47:29
Take thee,
Katherine O'Shea...01:47:30
Who hates and despises you.01:47:32
Loathes you. To be my lawful
wedded wife.01:47:33
To be my lawful wedded wife.01:47:35
For better or for worse.01:47:37
For better or for worse.01:47:38
For worse.01:47:39
For richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health.01:47:42
For richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health...01:47:44
I'm sick right now. Cut it out.01:47:46
What? Never mind. Keep going.01:47:47
Huh? Keep going!01:47:50
To love and to cherish
until death do us part.01:47:52
They'll put you in the chair
and fry you like...01:47:54
(PROFESSORS SINGING)01:47:55
And now repeat after me.01:47:56
I, Katherine O'Shea.01:47:59
I said, repeat after me.01:48:01
I, Katherine O'Shea.01:48:03
Come on, come on, Sugie.
It's just a parade
or something.01:48:04
Is it? Just wait and see.01:48:12
What is this?01:48:13
(VOICE CRACKING) I believe...01:48:15
I think it is
known as an upstick.01:48:17
A stickup. Put 'em up.01:48:18
Hold up your hands. Hold 'em up!01:48:28
Back door! Don't do that!01:48:29
I didn't mean it.01:48:31
Hold 'em up there.
Hold 'em up!01:48:33
I mean it! I mean it.01:48:35
Come on, now.01:48:37
Put 'em up.
Put 'em up. I mean it.01:48:48
Get his gun, get his gun.01:48:58
All right, Joe.
Put up your dukes.01:49:02
Okay, Bertram.01:49:28
Come on, Bertram.01:49:34
(SIRENS WAILING)01:49:42
(CHEERING)01:49:51
This load of garbage
goes to the DA's office.01:49:56
Something must
have went wrong, boss.01:50:00
Listen,
you squirrelly cherubs,01:50:03
you eight wise idiots,
it wouldn't work.01:50:05
Remember, Pottsy,
no women aboard.01:50:08
And now, above all women,
you want to take
a dizzy dame like me.01:50:12
If you'll allow me,
I can prove to you01:50:14
the inevitability
of this step01:50:16
by higher mathematics.01:50:17
I can cite
examples from history.01:50:19
Or from geography,
two rivers
converging irresistibly.01:50:21
Yes, indeed.01:50:23
PEAGRAM: I can prove it by
examples from literature.01:50:24
MAGENBRUCH: Physiology. ROBINSON: By law.01:50:26
All of them.01:50:27
Gentlemen.01:50:29
As a grammarian,
I know when words
cease to be of use.01:50:31
There remains one argument.01:50:36
Come here, dear.01:50:37
Oh, no, please, Pottsy.01:50:38
Get up, darling.01:50:40
But, Pottsy...01:50:41
It isn't fair. It isn't?01:50:42
No. It is not fair.01:50:45
Oh, my goodness, Bertram.01:50:47
Remember the Anemone...01:50:49
(SHUSHING)01:50:55
(CLICKING TONGUES)01:51:08
♪♪Description:
SUBSCRIBE TO WATCH MORE FREE MOVIES: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCravBlrXZFH19MJYdtHijSA A group of professors working on a new encyclopedia while living in a Manhattan mansion take in a mouthy nightclub singer who is wanted by the police to help bring down her mob boss lover. Starring: Gary Cooper, Barbara Stanwyck ------ ABOUT SAMUEL GOLDWYN FILMS: Samuel Goldwyn Films is a major, independently owned and operated motion-picture company that develops, produces and distributes innovative feature films. The company distributed the 2021 Academy Award®-winning film ANOTHER ROUND, the 2021 Academy Award®-nominated film THE MAN WHO SOLD HIS SKIN and 2022 Academy Award®-nominated film LUNANA: A YAK IN THE CLASSROOM. Upcoming films include IN THE LAND OF SAINTS AND SINNERS starring Liam Neeson and Kerry Condon, THE THREE MUSKETEERS - PART I: D'ARTAGNAN, and COBWEB from Jee-woon Kim. Visit our website: http://www.samuelgoldwynfilms.com/
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