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Video tags
Subtitles
Russian
00:00:03
hello, dear friends, today I00:00:06
will tell you a not very decent but very00:00:08
instructive story, since it00:00:10
will serve as an illustration of what I want to00:00:13
tell you about, I will tell you about cases00:00:16
when it is better to give a treat back, this is00:00:19
what they gave you or are trying to give you, what they00:00:22
are trying to force on you, so to speak, is this00:00:24
treat Let's say a cake with a rose from the river or00:00:27
some other disgusting thing,00:00:29
take it and give it back, just00:00:33
thank me, I'd rather not thank you,00:00:35
thank you for nothing, it's00:00:37
even some kind of hypocrisy, just tell00:00:39
me don't, please take it back,00:00:42
and now I'll illustrate this thesis of a00:00:45
simple story from my childhood in the00:00:48
village where we had a dacha there was a shepherd00:00:50
treshechka, he was very unique and00:00:53
this shepherd treshechka collected00:00:56
excrement, excuse me, and00:01:00
met adult children and so, with an absurd, naive00:01:03
smile, he held out these00:01:07
excrement, these spools, and, as it were,00:01:10
treated him He was such a00:01:13
unique shepherd and people, of course, felt sorry for him and00:01:17
they see what he’s like, he’s poor,00:01:19
he’s so wretched, apparently he doesn’t understand well that00:01:23
in return they gave him candy,00:01:25
always mint ones, were there candies or00:01:28
citrus disks, also toffee kitty-kiss, there weren’t00:01:30
enough chocolate ones then there was candy00:01:33
especially in the village, so they served him00:01:36
candy or sweet mint gingerbread, why00:01:39
not, they bought them in the village store, here00:01:40
comes a man with a candy wrapper of00:01:42
gingerbread, let’s assume he bought it then, because00:01:45
everything was not cheap, the money was not00:01:48
that big among people, and a shepherd met him, a00:01:50
three-ruble note and Here's the earring, smiling,00:01:53
these things mean, he hands them out to the person,00:01:57
and of course the person he meets takes out a gingerbread, hands them over00:02:00
and it turned out to be such a not entirely00:02:02
equivalent exchange, you know, he gives you00:02:05
goat pellets and in return you give you a00:02:07
sweet gingerbread, he gives you goat pellets and you in00:02:10
return take a risk or mint candy and00:02:13
of course The shepherd really liked this and00:02:17
he began to literally chase people00:02:19
with this treat of his, he seemed to00:02:22
treat him with these things, one boy was00:02:25
brave enough, he bought himself 10000:02:27
grams of pillows with jam for 1000:02:31
kopecks more, he didn’t have to go with these00:02:33
pillows but to a meeting to him this00:02:36
shepherd and such a healthy fist with a00:02:38
treat, he brought it to the boy’s face and00:02:40
smiles, help yourself to the boy, the boy00:02:44
turned out to be brave and says eat it yourself, that’s00:02:48
all he said, he didn’t call him names, he didn’t00:02:50
do anything bad, he just didn’t00:02:52
want to share his candies, he said00:02:55
eat it yourself because that it00:02:57
was really unpleasant, you will agree how00:03:00
angry the shepherd was, he grabbed a log and00:03:02
chased after the boy, his00:03:05
smile immediately disappeared from his face, such aggression00:03:08
appeared to him,00:03:10
the offer to eat what he wanted to00:03:13
treat the boy seemed unpleasant, this is the scene that00:03:16
played out before my eyes in childhood, the scene was00:03:19
very instructive you see, if00:03:23
the shepherd didn’t understand what he was treating, then of00:03:27
course he would continue to smile even in00:03:29
response to the offer to eat himself00:03:31
correctly, what he wanted to treat00:03:34
others with, but he immediately got angry,00:03:36
angry, he understood perfectly well that00:03:39
sweet candy is better than what he00:03:42
offers people what sweet gingerbread is00:03:45
better than what he tries with the guests and00:03:48
in this situation00:03:50
the continuation is quite00:03:53
psychological, philosophical,00:03:55
you’ve probably met people in your life who00:03:57
say oh something, you’ve gained so much weight,00:03:59
horror, you’ve gained a little weight, what’s wrong with you,00:04:02
oh, you know this is bad you look and00:04:05
why do you look so bad are you00:04:07
sick or something or for example you00:04:09
have aged so much why have you aged so much they00:04:12
just look at you sadly and00:04:14
they look at you and we have to respond with00:04:19
some kind of excuse to00:04:20
say yes I’ll try to put00:04:23
myself in order and and yes, you know, I00:04:26
just had a difficult period, I experienced a00:04:28
loss, my mother died, so I00:04:31
look bad, and so on and so forth, and the00:04:33
person smiles and he accepts your excuse,00:04:36
okay, I’ll believe you, as they00:04:39
say, for the first time and it turns out that they00:04:42
give you these goat00:04:45
pellets and in return you give a00:04:50
sweet candy or mint gingerbread or something else00:04:53
because the justification is this position00:04:57
below these attempts will be explained and00:05:01
swallow the unpleasant treat they00:05:04
give great pleasure to the one who00:05:06
tells you such things but try to00:05:09
tell the person he told you you00:05:11
you look bad,00:05:12
why are you looking bad, there are00:05:15
people like that, you’ll say, well, that’s why it’s like this,00:05:18
but you also look bad,00:05:20
look at the bags under your eyes,00:05:22
what kind of wrinkles are here, right by your nose, your00:05:26
skin is somehow sagging, the00:05:28
gray roots are showing through and you have a00:05:31
dull look like a lifeless horse, why did00:05:33
this happen to you, what happened to you,00:05:36
what a hysteria and00:05:40
what a scandal they will start, they will immediately make you out to be a00:05:42
rude, evil person, and they will immediately00:05:45
accuse you of being ignorant, that you are00:05:48
responding to concern00:05:51
they answered a person rudely about your health like that, although you didn’t00:05:54
say anything rude, you said the00:05:56
same thing that they told you correctly and did00:05:59
n’t add anything, didn’t insult you, you00:06:02
just asked the00:06:05
women that your son never started00:06:07
studying and quit to put pressure on your prestigious university,00:06:10
but how much money did you overpay for it,00:06:12
and it happens that such things are00:06:16
unlucky with children and00:06:18
the woman says that everything00:06:21
is fine with your daughter, otherwise I remember she00:06:23
stole things all the time as a child and there were such00:06:26
problems all this it happened in public00:06:28
who was a00:06:29
rude person who said00:06:31
the correct one was the woman who answered00:06:34
quite adequately calmly and simply00:06:37
also inquired about the adult children of00:06:40
her interlocutor and this is00:06:43
not at all necessary to do out loud on the one00:06:46
hand and on the other hand the examples are00:06:48
indicative they prove the aggressive00:06:51
intent of the one who tells you unpleasant00:06:54
things unpleasant00:06:56
they say for a reason, but for a specific00:06:59
purpose, these people believe that you have no right00:07:02
to defend yourself, that you can violate all00:07:05
absolutely any boundaries, you can take00:07:08
your toxic opinion, express it00:07:10
and write there, let’s assume what kind of00:07:13
nonsense this is, I didn’t understand anything, and if you00:07:16
write back, don’t please write nonsense, I did00:07:18
n’t understand anything in your comment, who00:07:21
would be a boor and a rude person is correct, you are00:07:24
therefore such a person, he arrogated to himself the00:07:26
right to treat you like that and treat00:07:30
you like a shepherd to three rubles with what he00:07:33
collected from the bins available to him, so to speak,00:07:36
and in return he expects your00:07:39
humiliation justification for your pain and00:07:41
confusion is that very sweet risk00:07:44
that can be sucked and chewed on your energy for a long time,00:07:47
and therefore if there is no00:07:50
opportunity to answer out loud, and we already00:07:52
understood that this always ends in00:07:54
a scandal, absolutely you are00:07:57
now acting as an aggressor, but if there is no00:08:00
such opportunity, just mentally00:08:02
tell me nothing of yours, I don’t need anything00:08:04
good, not bad, let yours stay with00:08:07
you, mine is enough in it, by the way, this is an00:08:10
ancient folk expression when communicating00:08:13
with people like this when you00:08:16
receive toxic compliments,00:08:19
toxic compliments chimeras, chimeras, this is00:08:21
when the head is a conditional compliment,00:08:24
good, how good do you look? a00:08:28
snake's tail, although you are already so many years old,00:08:31
here is a snake's tail, and if such00:08:35
compliments occur or a violation of00:08:38
boundaries or such statements00:08:40
about your loved ones and so on00:08:42
about your appearance, you need to internally if00:08:45
you do not want to conflict, I just say,00:08:47
because for me, what is enough for you is yours for00:08:51
me we don’t need anything of yours, and when we00:08:54
mentally and internally refuse the00:08:56
offering in the form of it’s clear what it00:09:00
remains with the one who tried00:09:02
to treat us, but it will still make him terribly00:09:05
angry, you will see that when you don’t make00:09:07
excuses when you say00:09:10
that I look like I look like usually00:09:13
why are you so interested in my00:09:15
appearance and so on, there will00:09:18
definitely be a conflict and even if you don’t00:09:21
respond to toxic offensive00:09:23
comments there will still be resentment and00:09:25
just delete yours because it00:09:27
was very important to leave it, it was very important00:09:30
for others to see it it was very important00:09:32
to shake your confidence in yourself, take away00:09:35
your happiness,00:09:36
destroy your confidence, don’t00:09:38
allow yourself to do this, we00:09:41
don’t need anything from them and let them keep their gifts for00:09:45
themselves and collect them further00:09:47
because this is their life, they live by this, and00:09:51
if they want to get candy or00:09:53
let them come up and ask for a gingerbread or00:09:57
just don’t say bad things to him, we’ll be00:09:58
happy to treat him, isn’t it, and that00:10:01
’s why the story is instructive and don’t00:10:04
accept toxic treats, go to words00:10:07
in the form of expressions like these and mentally00:10:12
put a barrier as the boy said,00:10:15
eat it yourself, we don’t need this all the00:10:19
best, dear friends and see you again00:10:23
and00:10:24
remind friends that the best texts are on my00:10:27
Instagram and even better useful webinars on the00:10:31
website link in the first commentDescription:
Дорогие друзья! лекции и вебинары https://annakiryanova.ru/ Канал на Дзен https://dzen.ru/anna_kiryanova ВК https://vk.com/id224283523 Телеграм https://t.me/av_kiryanova .
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