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Video tags
Subtitles
Russian
00:00:02
morning chewing I look at the baby he is so00:00:05
cute well what are you doing we are00:00:08
terrible and selfish and useless people00:00:12
can be but to your ancestors 0000:00:15
obligations and you do not owe this00:00:17
monkey to continue to the monkey root if at00:00:20
30 you come for sterilization you are00:00:22
too young for such decisions and if00:00:25
you come to give birth, you are already an old00:00:27
doctor, not just a mechanic surgeon who00:00:29
yes you walk like that, they will transport you for God’s sake00:00:31
if I only knew that getting pregnant00:00:34
everything seems so difficult, I was thinking about all the children, why would00:00:36
you offend so many women and it’s00:00:40
scary because they can do whatever they00:00:42
want,00:00:43
why are children the same tonsils people don’t00:00:45
what’s the point guys live your life and00:00:47
be glad to God if00:00:50
this whole episode goes like this it will look like an00:00:52
advertisement for life without children00:00:54
[music] [00:00:58
applause]00:01:00
[music]00:01:13
I’m 31 years old I don’t have children and I’m not in a hurry00:01:18
if I’m too busy with childbearing, I00:01:20
personally count on the help of medicine, but00:01:23
even more I count on the understanding00:01:24
of which, as it turned out, is equally small00:01:27
in both Russia and America, it’s00:01:30
customary to rush a woman over 30, but some throw00:01:32
hiccups Austin who will bring you a glass of00:01:35
water clarity everything there are no those who are not in a hurry, it is00:01:37
becoming more and more, the peak of the birth rate00:01:40
now falls precisely on those who are00:01:42
well over 30 in 2010, women00:01:45
aged 30 to 54 years old began to give birth00:01:49
much more often if the age of00:01:52
childbearing is still a personal matter for everyone,00:01:54
to give birth or not to give birth is how as00:01:57
if it’s not even a question, the reluctance to give birth to children is00:01:59
still condemned as if it is a00:02:02
crime against humanity and00:02:04
despite the public censure of00:02:07
women who choose to live their00:02:09
lives without children, without being born and without00:02:12
adopted ones, such women are becoming00:02:14
more and more if in the seventies00:02:17
every tenth woman in America was childless a woman in the00:02:20
2010s, already every fifth seems that00:02:24
not having a child now is more of a00:02:26
conscious choice than a deviation from the norm,00:02:29
the number is still unclear, but how can you00:02:32
be so selfish, I'm Alina Polyanskikh,00:02:35
you're watching Once Upon a Time in America,00:02:36
subscribe to our channel, like00:02:38
this video and it will be you're lucky00:02:47
I was never interested in00:02:49
pregnancy and childbirth and everything like that the00:02:52
only thing I thought about children was that it's00:02:54
something you do when00:02:56
you reach a certain age that's00:02:58
all Rachel and Cameron couples have been together for six00:03:02
years, not married, both don't want children Rachel00:03:05
at 32 a year ago she underwent a00:03:07
sterilization procedure Cameron is 34 and he was denied00:03:11
tongue to me Rachel dreams of becoming an00:03:13
actress while she works part-time as a00:03:15
dog walker and at the same time makes videos for those00:03:17
who want to live childfree I am told that00:03:19
at 28, 30 or 31 I am not00:03:23
old enough to I want to understand whether or not I want00:03:25
to have children, so when will I be an00:03:27
adult to understand this at 60, and00:03:30
Cameron and I met on a00:03:32
dating app, and that’s when websites and00:03:34
apps were blocked, so I wrote00:03:36
in my profiles that I didn’t want children, that00:03:38
was the only reason why I00:03:40
wrote that I probably want children, the00:03:43
older I get, the more00:03:44
children scare me, their sins, their hysterics sometimes00:03:47
just drive me to panic attacks00:03:49
if I can’t stand the hysterics of someone else’s00:03:52
child in the store, what should I00:03:53
do with mine then, what will I do with00:03:55
whose child I can’t reassure you so I’d00:03:58
rather continue to enjoy life with00:04:00
Cameron and Andrew, our dog is no00:04:02
better, so what about the children who are everywhere in charge of the00:04:05
assets of the company Cogri varicose veins00:04:07
acts I when I imagined my life00:04:10
I never had fantasies of children I00:04:12
always wanted to move out of my00:04:14
small town huni you are all about a00:04:17
sports car and start it yourself, where is it00:04:20
now, this is exactly how it all turned out,00:04:21
I remember that Rachel was dating a girl,00:04:24
she really wanted children and a family, and at00:04:27
some point I just got scared, I wanted to00:04:29
travel, I wanted to live in a big city,00:04:32
no hanging around with her parents on and00:04:34
raising children when she had a00:04:36
miscarriage, I realized that I was not living my own life,00:04:39
we talked about it and parted ways, I00:04:42
no longer chase imposed ideas, I live00:04:44
only what I want and I discovered it myself, but it’s00:04:47
not easy because it’s always doubts and00:04:49
confrontations00:04:52
when I was already over 30, I started to00:04:55
panic, I thought that I was almost 40 and I was00:04:58
not married and I had no children, which means I00:05:00
simply did not succeed as a woman. Teresa,00:05:03
producer and author of documentaries, the00:05:05
author of the project, my so-called00:05:08
and to achieve in my life, is actively speaking00:05:10
for the rights of women not to give birth when married,00:05:13
they believe that her films’ legacy is no worse than00:05:16
children, and she prefers not to talk about her age, but00:05:19
that was the time when I decided00:05:22
to make films and my first project, it00:05:25
just helped me outgrow this feeling of00:05:27
inferiority, I decided that everything was fine with me00:05:29
that I’m doing everything right and I’m00:05:31
exactly where I wanted to be at 16,00:05:35
but life keeps testing you all the time when00:05:37
I was 30, all my friends got married00:05:39
and had children and at such moments you00:05:42
always ask yourself, are you sure you don’t00:05:44
want to live with I’m definitely happy with the00:05:46
way you live at 30, it’s very difficult00:05:48
to understand and you always need to ask yourself00:05:50
and talk to yourself and be honest with00:05:52
yourself. At 40 years old, I realized that I did everything00:05:55
right and I didn’t care what00:05:57
they thought or said about me, but this00:05:59
can probably only happen then when you are00:06:01
already 40, in your 20s and 30s, I was very worried about00:06:05
how I look in the eyes of others,00:06:07
at 22 I tell people that I don’t want to have00:06:11
children, just wait, you don’t00:06:14
know yet, wait, you’ll change your mind,00:06:17
you’ll be lonely, you’ll regret it, I at00:06:22
52 I’m still waiting, I always00:06:26
said openly that I don’t want children and people00:06:29
always reacted very strangely, they00:06:31
presented it all as worries about my00:06:33
future, we all said the same thing,00:06:36
oh, you’ll be left alone in your old age,00:06:38
you’ll still regret it about her decision00:06:41
jessica 52 years old English teacher00:06:43
and childfree stars current and the00:06:46
videos are gaining millions of views00:06:48
women from all over the world thanks to you and for00:06:51
the courage to talk openly about life without00:06:53
children divorced was married for more than00:06:55
twenty years the00:06:57
basis goes on dates and is getting ready00:06:58
in two years to retire with a rank00:07:01
and very quickly realized that it was00:07:03
better not to talk about this topic with anyone because there00:07:05
would definitely be no support to explain to everyone00:07:08
and everyone that this was my personal decision and00:07:10
it didn’t concern them, I simply couldn’t do it anymore,00:07:12
so I started talking, I’m not sure that00:07:14
I will have children or perhaps they will00:07:16
later and do you think it’s coreg there00:07:19
to ask about children or generally discuss the00:07:21
bill the decision does not have children for example that00:07:24
tse is like a page good question I always00:07:26
said that it’s impolite but people00:07:28
need to at least talk about something and gossip00:07:30
sometimes I explained that childlessness is,00:07:33
fortunately, my choice, but there are many women in the world who00:07:35
do not have children and this question can be00:07:37
kept and it is inhumane to take00:07:39
and hurt people like this with your00:07:41
curiosity00:07:47
Sarah you do not have children and you00:07:50
did not choose a life without children you you also call yourself00:07:53
childfree from just one word childless00:07:57
she sounds pathetic everyone reacts to him00:07:59
with pity he didn’t00:08:01
come up with anything else and when I say that I’m00:08:03
childless I immediately stipulate that I don’t00:08:05
need pity00:08:07
Sarah 50 years married herself Sarah00:08:11
calls herself forced childless she was waiting00:08:13
the right moment in life to have a00:08:15
child at the moment came too00:08:17
late and medicine turned out to be powerless for the00:08:19
last 8 years she is trying to get used00:08:22
to the idea that there will be no children in her and her husband’s life00:08:25
and00:08:26
you always wanted a child and it’s interesting00:08:31
that not at twenty not at 30 I don’t I wanted00:08:33
a child, I even protested at some point00:08:35
against a system that00:08:37
literally forces women to give birth and00:08:39
imposes00:08:41
audio motherhood on girls at a very early age, and only00:08:44
after 35 did I suddenly feel that I00:08:46
really wanted to become a mother; for00:08:49
me it was always important to create the00:08:50
best possible conditions to meet the00:08:52
right person with whom I wanted00:08:54
a family and children, I didn’t want the children to00:08:56
know that they were wanted, so00:08:59
I gave birth and then I regretted that it didn’t work out for00:09:01
myself, and my husband and I came to all of this00:09:03
already deep down00:09:12
[music]00:09:14
do you think giving birth to a child is an00:09:16
important part of life women, of course, this is00:09:19
her purpose, it’s clear that he00:09:21
shouldn’t, but if he doesn’t want, of course, that’s00:09:24
her right, but if your women, for example,00:09:27
but don’t want, the child started without my00:09:29
woman00:09:31
and that’s all, well, for me, you know00:09:35
self-sufficiency, it seems to me that the00:09:37
woman was sitting, gave birth to a child, she fulfilled they00:09:39
probably entered somewhere together and the00:09:43
value of an elephant or the women in this person is00:09:45
like, well, this is00:09:47
cm and the salon why we live00:09:51
every generation00:09:52
and if she doesn’t want to, I haven’t00:09:56
met anyone like that,00:09:59
I think that women are put under too much pressure00:10:01
when they say that your main thing is I do00:10:02
n’t think so00:10:05
because00:10:07
what to do whatever you think is necessary00:10:09
if you read the main careers for you00:10:12
means making a career, the00:10:14
medical journal Lancet published00:10:17
a study that clearly shows that00:10:19
most countries in the world are now on the verge of a00:10:21
baby crisis in English, this phenomenon00:10:23
is called the baby boom as opposed to the baby00:10:26
boom, scientists analyzed the statistics of00:10:28
all countries world from 1950 to 2017 in the00:10:32
fiftieth year, each woman gave birth to an00:10:34
average of 4 point seven children,00:10:36
but understanding it sounds like one and a half navvies,00:10:38
and yet in 2017 the figure was already00:10:41
half as low as only 2 point00:10:44
four children for every woman in the world00:10:46
for This figure hides a huge00:10:48
disparity between countries; the00:10:50
birth rate in Niger is 7 children and in Russia there is00:10:52
only one whole; and in the 80s in the United States,00:10:56
scientists explained the drop in birth rate even lower by00:10:58
three factors; the decrease in the infant00:11:00
mortality rate is why women are giving birth00:11:02
less; more and more women are gaining access to00:11:04
contraception and third, the level of00:11:06
education and employment among women is growing,00:11:09
especially in developed countries, but the most00:11:11
interesting part of the study00:11:13
is that as soon as the number of00:11:14
educated women in society00:11:15
becomes large enough, their less00:11:18
educated neighbors begin to adopt a00:11:20
system of behavior and also give birth to fewer00:11:23
children, thus the baby crisis is gaining00:11:25
momentum they become more expensive later, they give birth less and00:11:28
many do not give birth, this is a trend that has00:11:31
already been going on for quite a large00:11:34
number of years and it seems quite obvious to me00:11:36
that it will continue in the future,00:11:38
if you look at patients how much the00:11:41
age of birth of the first child has advanced,00:11:43
well, look at the average age, it00:11:46
seems to me now for the first child00:11:47
somewhere - then 2928 29 years that's how many years it00:11:52
will move well, I think that it will move00:11:54
by00:11:55
there a year or two or three for for for decades for00:12:00
several years it doesn't doesn't move right00:12:02
gave birth at 20 now at 40 when we talk00:12:05
about the fact that the birth rate is decreasing in00:12:07
This mainly applies to women under twenty00:12:11
to thirty, probably up to 35, maybe even before 40,00:12:15
women00:12:17
closer to say more than 35 to 40, their00:12:19
birth rate, even if it falls, is not so00:12:23
fast, or even in some situations it00:12:25
may increase because00:12:27
women postponed the birth of children, so00:12:30
zero Chuck decided that a00:12:32
break is just around the corner for me and00:12:35
why not00:12:37
[music]00:12:43
when did you imagine your life without00:12:46
children, how joyless it looked00:12:47
because in films and books a childless00:12:50
woman is always such a sad00:12:52
character, but if it’s not sex, it’s great00:12:54
in the city, of course yes no, I always00:12:56
imagined that I would live an interesting00:12:59
full life, I didn’t even understand how it was00:13:01
possible that in a place with children you suddenly00:13:03
decide everything, but at the same time I lived in the00:13:06
sense that sooner or later I would00:13:08
have to give birth because having00:13:10
children is a logical stage in life and it is00:13:12
believed that everyone has to go through it00:13:14
and I was sure that they wouldn’t00:13:16
have to, whether I wanted it or not, I prepared00:13:19
myself for it mentally,00:13:22
which sounds like I prepared myself like you00:13:25
did, I was curious and ambitious,00:13:29
I tried to do as much as possible in00:13:31
my life before that when I got married and00:13:33
gave birth because I understood that then I would00:13:35
have to sacrifice all this for the sake of my00:13:38
family and devote myself to raising children,00:13:40
this was what I saw around me, I00:13:43
understood that maximum00:13:45
self-sacrifice was expected from women, in the end I had a00:13:47
wonderful job, a lot of traveling00:13:50
and moving from Canada where I grew up in the USA00:13:54
buying a couple pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa00:13:59
pa00:14:02
look they were starting a family you discussed00:14:06
how many children there are at the hotel do00:14:08
we want children at all Tanya will be a mother and will00:14:14
take care of the children or will take care of the00:14:15
children the jobs were these- then the conversations are00:14:17
back because00:14:21
[music]00:14:22
traditional Jewish marriage the appearance of00:14:25
children should be considered as a00:14:28
default option until the00:14:31
Almighty bless our family with children00:14:34
I of course hope it00:14:37
means to blow the00:14:39
pavements some details00:14:41
were discussed died not for me she ordered me all the00:14:42
time I did nothing I don’t remember from that00:14:44
happy Torah or Kogan and his wife00:14:47
Tatyana or Roboy Tatyana work for the00:14:51
good of the community and study together, they00:14:53
raise 12 children each, they consider a00:14:57
part of their great happiness and00:14:59
cannot imagine another life for themselves, that00:15:03
is, there is no such thing as a choice. I want, I00:15:07
have children in your marriage or I don’t want a00:15:11
choice, of course there00:15:18
will be access in two different languages and00:15:20
from two and different universes there is00:15:23
a universe we make a child this is a00:15:26
blessing where a child is the00:15:30
appearance of the presence of God in your life00:15:32
this is a continuation from you there is a universe00:15:35
that arose as a result of quantum00:15:37
fluctuations you are a vacuum00:15:38
evolutionary man develops from an00:15:40
orangutan if here if you came a00:15:42
barbell tank you have00:15:43
00 obligations to your ancestors you don’t owe this to the00:15:46
monkey and continue the monkey’s mouth00:15:48
only because these are scripts now it’s00:15:50
on sapiens that is, the monkey is smart and00:15:52
if you come from another universe here’s00:15:56
human beings created by the00:15:59
creator with a specific purpose and task,00:16:01
then you understand the importance of having00:16:05
a continuation of this in this world00:16:08
[music]00:16:15
before Ivanovo berth you were sterilized, this is00:16:19
quite a serious decision, do you even00:16:21
remember how you made it, did you somehow00:16:22
discuss this among yourself or with my00:16:24
parents, maybe she’s offended, we00:16:27
talked about it and talked for a long time00:16:29
because I was denied surgery for three years,00:16:31
I told my parents literally a couple of00:16:34
months in advance, but they knew for a long time that I don’t00:16:36
want children, I’d rather die than give birth, medical00:16:39
refusals are normal practice and00:16:40
how much I I know they are not quite strict in00:16:42
decision-making when it comes to00:16:44
female sterilization. It00:16:46
was just a wild story because of an00:16:48
ectopic pregnancy,00:16:50
one of my tubes ruptured, I’m already in the hospital being00:16:52
prepared for surgery, and I tell the00:16:54
doctors you’ll still00:16:56
operate on me, maybe a second one. I also00:16:58
immediately remove the pipe because I don’t want00:17:00
such torment anymore and they are like that, but we00:17:03
need to ask your partner and Cameron00:17:06
was just there and he immediately gave them his00:17:08
consent, said that I can do00:17:10
whatever I want, they thought that he was too00:17:13
young and they came up with some00:17:15
ridiculous reasons and suggested that I come back in 3000:17:17
days and I’m having an emergency operation, I’m dying,00:17:20
what 30 days are you cutting off the passages to the edge,00:17:22
I say do what she says if00:17:25
you can and if this is her desire, what’s the00:17:28
problem, the doctor looked at00:17:35
Of course, I didn’t even argue with me as if I was abnormal, they asked00:17:38
me why not, why not, so that this would00:17:41
n’t happen to me again, that is,00:17:43
they see that I have an ectopic and they will00:17:45
remove the left tube, but at the same time, it’s a shock for them00:17:47
to remove the right one and then I’ll have to live with00:17:49
this thought, I would quickly get sterilized00:17:51
so that this never happens to me00:17:53
again. The woman who came00:17:56
told me I’m 25 years old, so I decided that I don’t00:17:59
want to have children, let’s do00:18:01
sterilization. Statistics again about the00:18:03
likelihood of regretting the00:18:05
procedure, the younger the woman is00:18:09
at the time of the operation, the higher the risk00:18:10
of regrets. It is believed that up to 30 years of age,00:18:13
about 20 percent will regret that00:18:16
they had this operation; above 30 years of age, there00:18:20
are five percent, and so on, that is, the00:18:21
older the woman, the less00:18:23
likely this regret is. Is it true00:18:26
that doctors are quite categorical in00:18:28
matters of female sterilization when it00:18:31
comes to young nulliparous women and the doctor is00:18:34
not just a mechanic surgeon who, yes, you00:18:36
want to cut a friend for God’s sake, but00:18:38
we also have an ethical burden on us to00:18:40
prevent women00:18:43
who are not good candidates00:18:45
for this procedure, so as00:18:48
not to give them the opportunity to make the00:18:50
wrong decision, that is firstly,00:18:52
according to the law, after 21 years of age,00:18:55
the patient has the right to come and ask for00:18:57
sterilization, but even according to the law of the state of00:19:00
New York, a00:19:02
30-day waiting period must be observed from the00:19:05
moment the00:19:06
agreement for the operation is signed, according to the law, that is, a00:19:09
woman cannot come and say what do you00:19:11
know I want to remove the tube I don’t want to00:19:14
have children give me a00:19:15
couple next week, operate the stage of the law is not00:19:18
allowed only in certain00:19:20
cases when a woman has00:19:22
premature birth or some kind of00:19:24
urgent operation has occurred there is a00:19:27
certain exception when up to 7200:19:29
hours this period is shortened but even00:19:33
the law in the state of New York is structured in such a00:19:35
way as to try to protect women00:19:37
from rash decisions, it is still00:19:41
irreversible,00:19:47
the main arguments were that you are too00:19:50
young and you will regret your decision, in00:19:53
the end I waited until I was 30 because00:19:55
I thought it would be something magic00:19:56
number and they will start taking me00:19:58
seriously, but f30 I was considered too00:20:01
young, I remember pointing out exactly00:20:03
this injustice they suffered at 30, you00:20:06
come for sterilization, you are too00:20:08
young for such decisions, and if you00:20:10
come to give birth, you are already old,00:20:12
they asked why my boyfriend won't00:20:15
do a vasectomy because00:20:17
Tamiya's tongue is at least a reversible operation, but I00:20:19
insisted that I didn't want children00:20:21
regardless of my boyfriend and I wanted to have a00:20:24
guarantee that I would never00:20:26
get pregnant again, as I actually thought that it00:20:29
would be easier for me to have a vasectomy, I00:20:31
went to to my doctor,00:20:33
but due to the fact that I don’t have children, I00:20:34
was told that the procedure can00:20:36
only be performed after 35, having children is very00:20:39
important and if you don’t want more children, then00:20:42
that’s fine, but if you don’t have children00:20:44
and you don’t want them, in principle, it00:20:47
starts here problems00:20:52
why if a woman at 24 years old decides to00:20:55
give birth and no one will dissuade her and there00:20:59
will be no waiting period of 7200:21:02
hours or 30 days do you want to give birth00:21:05
please we will only help you but00:21:07
if a woman at 24 years old decides to cut off00:21:11
her tubes everyone thinks that this is too much00:21:15
a young green unconscious decision00:21:17
that she will regret is an excellent question,00:21:20
they don’t have an answer from the Federal Reserve, there are many of us with such00:21:24
imbalances in society, and when00:21:26
it would seem that I absolutely agree, I don’t00:21:30
know why this happened, well, somehow I do00:21:33
n’t know the irreversibility of this decision,00:21:35
maybe00:21:37
childbearing is also will not turn against it,00:21:39
but it is irreversible, so to speak, in another way,00:21:42
that is, this is a process that the woman herself00:21:45
began and and she herself, so to speak, takes00:21:50
responsibility for it, and surgical00:21:52
intervention is a question when00:21:55
you do something as a surgeon, and with us it is always a00:21:57
question of informed consent to00:21:59
surgery this is one of the cornerstones of00:22:02
surgery and obstetrics and gynecology in general,00:22:05
when a person asks you to do00:22:07
some procedure, then we have to00:22:10
go through a huge number of00:22:13
steps and obstacles, so to speak, to make sure that00:22:15
yes, this decision was made correctly, that00:22:18
you had the opportunity to think about00:22:20
alternatives, that you you are00:22:22
informed about the consequences and so on and00:22:24
so forth, of course there is some kind of00:22:26
imbalance in this, I don’t know why, but this is how00:22:28
medicine is structured in our00:22:30
practice, I met women who00:22:32
regretted such drastic decisions, yes,00:22:36
unfortunately I met when I had a00:22:38
woman who in fact, a very00:22:39
tragic story, she had a son, she00:22:42
had one son, she was probably somewhere over00:22:44
40, but her son was already quite old there,00:22:47
10 years old or something like that, and after00:22:51
much thought, so to speak, she finally decided to00:22:52
remove the uterus then they are a little different from00:22:55
the situation when sterilization is being done there for 24 years,00:22:58
but nevertheless she00:23:00
decided to have an operation after which00:23:02
she would not be able to give birth to children, they did not do00:23:04
this operation and unfortunately six months later she did00:23:07
not drown in see00:23:10
[music]00:23:14
she was left without children, so to speak00:23:17
the possibility of giving birth to them in a natural way,00:23:21
that is, of course, there were cases when, but00:23:23
this is out of the ordinary, but in00:23:25
general it happens, there is a woman00:23:28
who changed the situation, they got00:23:30
married, their partner changed, their00:23:32
situation changed, so on, this happens,00:23:35
and these women actually really a lot00:23:38
if I only knew that getting pregnant00:23:40
would be so difficult every round and I00:23:43
lived in hope and every time this hope00:23:45
broke my heart imagine 5 and by00:23:48
his time 2 3 and 4 at the height of the cycle I00:23:51
did 6 injections of drugs but00:23:54
overall it’s ok 14 medications you took, they00:23:56
become your life, you live only with00:23:58
this, we are nothing else, not only so much00:24:00
you, your hopes and your losses, but your00:24:03
mental health was already at zero and00:24:06
Olaya strand of awe Athos I am not your00:24:09
last round and to when you already knew00:24:11
what if this won’t work then you00:24:13
will never have children again do you remember00:24:15
how you felt at that moment00:24:18
it was me by that moment I was already just00:24:21
dead I couldn’t stand it my00:24:23
husband and I were exhausted financially spiritually00:24:26
emotionally psychologically and physically the00:24:28
fifth round I was forced to do00:24:30
because I still had an embryo from a00:24:33
previous attempt and I definitely wasn’t00:24:35
going to leave my children in the00:24:36
refrigerator in the laboratory and had to00:24:39
try even if it changed, it was00:24:41
completely difficult to explain to me then I00:24:43
found out that this is the norm for women who00:24:46
are trying for the sake of through this there is a connection00:24:48
with with all embryos, as well as the connection with00:24:51
unborn children, it’s so00:24:53
deep that I’m just choking at00:24:55
the thought of it.00:24:57
New York is one of the most expensive states00:24:59
to conceive a child using00:25:00
artificial insemination, here it’s one00:25:03
round and costs about $24,000.00:25:06
Only a third of New Yorkers have insurance.00:25:08
which can partially or completely00:25:10
cover reproductive expenses, most00:25:12
often you have to pay out of your own00:25:14
pocket and the treatment is exhausting not only00:25:16
emotionally but also financially after 500:25:18
unsuccessful attempts and the code Sarah and her husband00:25:21
were already $80,000 in debt00:25:25
[music]00:25:32
I’m just at a rest stop somewhere no matter how important children are,00:25:36
family is important and00:25:39
work comes first, then work, and if you didn’t want00:25:40
a child, do you think your spouse00:25:43
would stay with you, I don’t know, I can’t00:25:46
answer this fruit, a couple without00:25:49
children can be considered a family00:25:53
at home, deductible from family don’t you think that it’s00:25:55
not a full-fledged family as if they have room to00:25:59
grow and what to strive for, what is a00:26:01
family, it’s when two people00:26:03
unite together to run a00:26:06
joint household, the00:26:09
appearance of a child together would have passed, increasing the00:26:11
number of family members and let’s say it00:26:15
increases the worries of mom and dad about this00:26:17
child but does not change the status in any way 700:26:20
it doesn’t matter that they don’t have children, these are God-00:26:24
given children and there is a woman who is childless, she00:26:28
can live happily why not00:26:32
[music]00:26:39
sat down and put as well as at the very00:26:43
we started asking about children at the00:26:44
wedding, imagine at your wedding and when00:26:47
at yours there will already be babies when we hear the00:26:49
patter of little feet, I just repeated00:26:52
and everyone can I please at least00:26:54
have fun at my wedding because00:26:56
I feel very good now I married into00:26:58
20 families a year later everyone has already started00:27:00
asking how even without00:27:02
delaying time goes and already three00:27:05
years later, when we still didn’t have ironing, my00:27:07
parents began to understand that they most00:27:09
likely wouldn’t exist, my00:27:11
career was going well, I was getting another00:27:13
education, my mother understood this and00:27:15
thank God she and my father told me that00:27:17
everything was fine and I can live my life perfectly well00:27:19
without children and everything will be as00:27:21
it should be, they are both files, what if your husband00:27:24
changed his mind and wanted children from00:27:26
there and every couple of years they asked each00:27:29
other have you changed your mind have you changed your mind and if00:27:31
one of us wanted a child we would00:27:33
have to I would like to understand how we will00:27:34
disagree because none of us00:27:36
ever wanted to force the other to00:27:38
have a child,00:27:39
yes, I myself would not want to be the child00:27:41
that you gave birth to against your will, it’s just00:27:43
unfair, somehow the gang00:27:48
report how you can agree that there00:27:50
will be no children so many women in the world00:27:53
now live in fear that their husband will leave00:27:55
them if they don’t want or can’t give00:27:57
birth, we discussed this after00:27:59
the wedding and I remember saying that I didn’t00:28:01
want children and he offered to establish it and I did00:28:04
n’t even know how to react to it.00:28:06
then she simply said, you didn’t understand me,00:28:08
the question is not that I don’t want to give birth, I, in00:28:11
principle, don’t want children, and he went for it; a00:28:13
relationship with me was more important to him than children;00:28:16
in this relationship, my husband and I sometimes00:28:18
talk about how everything could have worked out00:28:20
if we we met at 30 they00:28:23
would have had children at 45 it seems to me that he00:28:25
could be a good father yes he00:28:27
can now become a wonderful father but I am00:28:29
happy with my choice knowing that everything00:28:31
could have been completely different I am happy with how00:28:34
everything turned out00:28:37
profiles00:28:39
imagine that he is leaving and goes to00:28:41
another woman and then has00:28:43
children with this other woman, because he00:28:45
has a choice: you are now sterilized00:28:48
and you no longer have that choice, yes, I don’t00:28:50
think it’s like that, but isn’t it true that00:28:52
Yudanova through and we are in the last00:28:56
I discussed this with my psychologist this week about how00:28:58
my life will look if the base00:29:00
starts dating other guys, so00:29:02
I think that it will be even easier for me00:29:04
because often men on00:29:06
dating sites, when they see in my profile that I don’t00:29:08
want children, they decide that you can00:29:10
change your mind or that next to him,00:29:12
these maternal instincts will definitely wake up,00:29:14
you will want a child for me,00:29:16
now all these problems have been solved, I’ll just00:29:18
say right away that I can’t and there’s no00:29:21
work for you, but you can still or carry00:29:23
a child, that is, for example, you can00:29:25
conceive a child with with the help of eco plays a00:29:27
technically yes I still have a uterus00:29:30
but I don’t want a child so much that00:29:32
I thought about donating it as a donor00:29:34
because someone could use a uterus and00:29:36
I could use the money imagine00:29:38
some trans woman could00:29:40
have my uterus I I would be very00:29:42
happy, but to donate, you must00:29:44
have at least one successful pregnancy,00:29:46
so obviously I’m not suitable, but how much00:29:49
does a uterus cost? Something in the region of $5,000.00:29:59
I decided to leave00:30:01
my uterus because I didn’t have00:30:03
any problems with it, plus there were more00:30:05
surgeries and more financial costs,00:30:08
so I simply had no reason to get rid of it,00:30:14
but00:30:24
yes, those are the things in00:30:26
Russia that scare00:30:28
you the most when you think about it the birth of children and00:30:31
you have to keep well, you simply00:30:34
have to raise a person and not only not00:30:36
let him die, but also invest in him00:30:38
physically and mentally emotionally and not00:30:40
spoil the child, many people think that this is00:30:43
only 18 years old and then the child goes00:30:45
acolyte neck all you are free but this is not so,00:30:47
you never know what kind of child you00:30:49
will give birth to, but what if your child is born with00:30:51
special needs and will depend00:30:53
on you all his life? I would not want to sacrifice my00:30:55
own life and my dreams00:30:57
because I gave birth to a child who is00:30:59
dependent on me, this is very difficult acha Acha00:31:02
Christmas trees when I was thinking about children, I thought about00:31:04
everything that could happen during00:31:06
pregnancy and childbirth and I realized that00:31:08
I was not ready to take such risks widely, why do00:31:11
you imagine motherhood as00:31:13
some kind of absolute sacrifice? It seems to me00:31:15
that today you can already make00:31:17
this career in general, the way to succeed in the family was by00:31:20
reconsidering the view that schools were closed and those who00:31:23
gave up their careers stayed00:31:25
at home to look after the children properly;00:31:26
mothers and women had to decide for themselves00:31:29
that they could no longer be lawyers and were00:31:31
forced to stay at home and take care of the00:31:33
family; it was easy the general one00:31:35
who is behind this issue00:31:37
of agreement, if a child has two00:31:39
parents, they can share00:31:41
responsibilities among themselves, I agree, but00:31:44
women, one way or another, bear a lot of00:31:46
time simply because this is expected of them, the00:31:48
mother a priori should, especially00:31:50
if she does not want to be a bad mother in the00:31:53
eyes of people00:31:57
if we say that today an increasing00:32:00
number of women are more and more new and the00:32:01
window number can be clarified books parliament00:32:04
rss invisible women nose of some00:32:06
seventies to this day,00:32:08
for example, the American economy was00:32:11
scrapped with 38 million great attacks for a minute00:32:15
and this is huge, purely understandable we we are talking00:32:18
about 50 years, but nevertheless we understand00:32:21
how to become a giant leap and00:32:24
today it turns out to remain in00:32:26
which a woman, if she wants to build a00:32:29
career and earn money, which00:32:31
is today, thank God, a00:32:33
normalized desire in00:32:35
most developed countries,00:32:37
she is faced with the fact that it is very00:32:40
difficult combination with motherhood00:32:42
is still difficult to combine interesting00:32:45
economically it’s difficult to combine with00:32:47
maternal almost00:32:49
literally we are all discussing now00:32:53
a video from the IKEA company that00:32:55
released an advertising campaign about what it00:32:59
means for a man to have some00:33:01
special space at home so that he can take a break00:33:03
from both his children and his wife and they bring him a Christmas tree there00:33:07
and he sits there with such a char Nalchik,00:33:08
resting, this is a woman for us, as it were, but for a woman,00:33:11
children don’t interfere,00:33:12
it’s normal that children take up00:33:16
space and women, so it’s completely00:33:18
natural half a cup of the situation that a00:33:20
woman who wants a persistent career00:33:22
who hears from society what it is00:33:25
it’s cool if she’s building a career, which is00:33:27
actually an00:33:29
economic necessity after all, she’ll pass the00:33:31
whole question and then I can afford to00:33:33
have a child and00:33:35
it turns out that she can afford to00:33:37
have him very late after 3000:33:40
actually so very late if we00:33:42
proceed from Russian chlorine where 26 years00:33:45
and the same old stinging00:33:47
[music]00:34:01
there is a feeling that I missed something in00:34:04
life, I didn’t have time to do something because I was00:34:06
busy with my family, I missed00:34:08
something, I didn’t get it, maybe there are00:34:11
some regrets, you know,00:34:14
I don’t think so firstly, we can be00:34:19
very young because we now00:34:22
have such small children and grandchildren of the00:34:26
same age, and if we had00:34:28
two children there whom we had already married,00:34:31
you would now be just grandparents;00:34:33
this is, firstly, and secondly, what we didn’t get00:34:35
but because I was a modem, a young mother, I’m00:34:38
getting there in a row now, I’m now00:34:39
doing online schooling and getting an00:34:42
education as a homeopathic doctor, I’m taking medical courses, I’m taking a00:34:46
lot of money, I’m getting paid by00:34:49
helping people, I’m treating them for me, this is00:34:52
what I was waiting for to have00:34:54
the opportunity I can do it while00:34:57
working full-time and00:34:59
taking care of children00:35:03
and participating online Pskov00:35:10
how old were you I once decided to00:35:12
persuade the doctors to sterilize again I00:35:15
didn’t have a union 28 when we had an emergency00:35:18
operation and then we had to go to00:35:21
consultations and wait that some doctor00:35:23
will agree to operate, each00:35:25
consultation is about 400 dollars,00:35:27
that is, even if the doctor says no, you still00:35:30
have to pay, it’s obvious that00:35:32
I don’t have that much money, I went to a00:35:34
regular appointment with an obstetrician-gynecologist,00:35:36
I talked with the nurse there and she00:35:38
said and understands I voiced me00:35:41
with reasoning, she recommended me a00:35:43
doctor who would perform the operation and even00:35:45
this doctor refused me. I was so00:35:48
unprepared for another refusal that I did00:35:50
n’t even try to prove my point of view and00:35:52
this all happened despite the fact that00:35:54
I was already 30.00:35:56
I couldn’t see pregnant women. women,00:35:59
hearing a child’s cry, yes, everything was very00:36:01
painful, I had the feeling that I existed00:36:04
in some completely different reality00:36:06
in a parallel universe and more clearly 1 when00:36:09
you are trying to get pregnant, you live00:36:10
only for this, you are not in this world, you are in00:36:13
your samovar, what does it mean, so what is00:36:16
it for the feeling in the form of you feel you I00:36:19
you have many restrictions associated with00:36:21
medical procedures and attempts to00:36:22
conceive, so it turns out that your whole life00:36:25
is absorbed by this process and it’s low for you00:36:28
Matt to even discuss this something that is not00:36:30
customary to talk about, at least in this00:36:32
country it’s not it is customary to share your00:36:34
experiences00:36:35
or all your pain they tell you but00:36:37
just keep trying and you will00:36:39
succeed sooner or later and you00:36:41
continue and fall into the pit of00:36:43
your grief and 100:36:45
this pressure is associated with the birth of children00:36:48
consequences pronatal isma this word is not00:36:50
familiar to most people although we live00:36:53
with this very childhood, pronatalism is a00:36:55
policy that encourages people to have00:36:57
children, sometimes it simply encourages, sometimes it00:37:00
requires them to have children, sometimes00:37:02
it is forced, where it manifests itself in different ways,00:37:04
it can be just a conversation at a00:37:06
family dinner when you are asked00:37:07
when you are going to give birth and finally grandchildren00:37:10
or when relatives or acquaintances00:37:11
say that you are not a woman if you do not have00:37:14
children, this is an everyday example of pressure00:37:16
pronatalism is built into the culture of different00:37:18
countries, when a woman without children is always00:37:20
portrayed as sad, angry, pitiful or00:37:23
masculine, it is difficult to find an advertisement00:37:26
for a pregnancy test where a woman is happy00:37:27
that she is not pregnant, this is also a subtle way00:37:29
to reinforce the idea that a child is happiness, a00:37:32
good thing, countries base their policies on00:37:34
pronatalism, for example, families are00:37:36
offered better conditions for a mortgage00:37:38
if they have a child or tax00:37:40
breaks, all this is done to00:37:42
encourage people to have more children and00:37:44
what is the global idea behind about00:37:47
mentalism00:37:48
to run around and the idea about NATOism00:37:50
is that this is a system00:37:52
that allows people in00:37:54
power to create the world they want and00:37:57
it is beneficial that a woman gives birth, it leaves00:38:00
them a little on the sidelines, it keeps them in00:38:02
place, and people like me are simply dangerous, I am00:38:05
well educated, free to do00:38:07
whatever I want and this is terrible for a system00:38:10
that is trying to control the00:38:11
social order of women without children, this is00:38:13
scary because they can do whatever00:38:15
they want, I am proud that I am such a woman00:38:18
and I understand why the system has to00:38:20
repeat again and again that we are terrible and00:38:22
selfish and useless people00:38:26
about vitalism this what we live on00:38:28
permanently, we no longer actually notice the00:38:30
pressure of the system on women, payments for the00:38:32
birth of a firstborn and an increase in these00:38:34
payments for the birth of each subsequent00:38:36
child, this is with Natalie ZM format of00:38:38
financial stimulation, for example, they banned00:38:40
abortions in Texas, this is also pronatalism,00:38:42
only in a different form when by all over00:38:44
the world, women began to fight for their00:38:46
rights, demand higher education and a00:38:48
place in science, Dr. Edward Clark from00:38:50
Harvard published a book on gender and00:38:51
education, there he argued that in00:38:54
girls attending college, the brain00:38:56
becomes larger and heavier, the blood00:38:58
thus flows to the brain and flows from the00:39:00
uterus to as a result of which a woman can00:39:02
become infertile, the entire first edition of the book00:39:04
was bought up in a week and later the book00:39:07
was re-released 16 more times Michael when00:39:11
here you are educated brightly and beautifully00:39:13
interesting woman don’t you really want to00:39:15
propagate your genes in this world, it’s00:39:17
clear that more people like you and we need00:39:20
it’s interesting what you say, my students00:39:22
ask the same thing, how can00:39:24
you have such cool children, but00:39:27
you never know what kind of child00:39:28
you will have, I’m funny, bright children can00:39:31
be very reserved and calm,00:39:33
of course I’m curious what kind of baby could00:39:36
I’m having a baby and I tell them, well, I’ll give birth,00:39:38
I’ll look at the baby, he’s so cute,00:39:41
but then what should I do? raise,00:39:43
raise, it’s always very flattering00:39:45
when people say that I would be a good00:39:47
mother, I always thank you for trusting00:39:49
me, but I don’t think that it would be good in00:39:51
this role, it’s00:39:53
interesting that you are a teacher and at the same time00:39:55
childfree, some people find it difficult to understand00:39:58
how you can work with children and but don’t00:40:00
like00:40:01
white children very good thoughts I think that00:40:04
people don’t understand that you can love children00:40:06
and love being around children not00:40:08
wanting them to give birth to grow up I don't need to have00:40:10
a child to appreciate my students and00:40:13
find them talented funny and00:40:15
laugh and have fun with them every day00:40:17
I work in a great school I enjoy00:40:19
my job but then I come home00:40:21
where it's quiet and peaceful and I'm ready to go back to00:40:24
school tomorrow because I gained strength in00:40:26
my calm world,00:40:28
you can’t help but answer, but have you ever00:40:31
discussed this with your psychologist, maybe00:40:33
once when we introduced ourselves to each00:40:36
other, I said that so-and-so, that00:40:37
I don’t have children blah blah blah and I’m in00:40:40
divorced and she invited me and asked00:40:43
what I would like to work in. I said00:40:46
that I was nervous about retirement and00:40:48
who I would follow because00:40:50
I had so many ideas in my head, I needed00:40:52
help to focus on what00:40:55
I would need. make a choice and there are00:40:56
only two years until retirement, this is what worries me00:41:01
[music]00:41:07
Peppa and enemies you had an ectopic00:41:10
pregnancy,00:41:11
but if it was a healthy00:41:13
pregnancy you would have kept it, you00:41:15
gave it to the child,00:41:17
but I don’t know, I think it would be00:41:20
strange if my genes were walking around everywhere00:41:22
that's why I never wanted to be an00:41:24
egg donor because I think it would be00:41:26
a little strange if my child was00:41:28
running around somewhere would I keep the child no00:41:32
no no I didn't even know that my00:41:34
pregnancy was ectopic until it00:41:35
went to have an abortion, that is, I decided to have an00:41:38
abortion, but I felt something when00:41:40
I realized that I was pregnant with the slabs, in fact,00:41:42
most of all it was this fight that I was00:41:45
terrified of, it’s scary, I didn’t even have00:41:47
a question in my head whether to leave it or not, they did00:41:49
n’t tell me, but I think that I I was00:41:51
about 6 weeks pregnant when00:41:53
my tube burst, even during these six00:41:55
weeks you have hormonal00:41:57
changes, for example, the00:42:00
smell of oil made me sick, it’s overwhelming in just 600:42:03
weeks, but imagine 9 months and00:42:05
then a lifetime of caring for a child, not00:42:07
very scary no, it’s not an option I00:42:09
was scared when I found out that she was pregnant00:42:12
so wait how is this possible what were we00:42:15
thinking about and then I started asking what00:42:18
Rachel wants to do because it’s something00:42:21
that we definitely didn’t plan just00:42:23
tell me what you want to do and we00:42:26
’ll do it right now it’s all terrible00:42:28
because something is growing inside you,00:42:31
it’s very frightening for me to realize that00:42:33
something is growing in my uterus that has00:42:35
never been there yet time is catching00:42:37
because if you decide to terminate the pregnancy00:42:39
100 cannot be delayed and of course with all00:42:42
such changes in laws,00:42:44
prohibitions and others, there may not even be00:42:46
access to this, so I was very afraid00:42:48
that they would live to 12 weeks and then I would not be able to00:42:50
do anything about it00:42:52
for00:42:53
[music]00:43:00
who, from the side of, for example, 12 children, it00:43:04
looks like too much, why do00:43:07
you need so much, this is the phrase I think00:43:10
that this has already been heard, of course,00:43:13
again the audience with a low00:43:17
cultural level of social responsibility screen that were there00:43:20
two guitars that these are not close enough00:43:21
to absorb this form of your opinion for00:43:24
us to tell the case and the rain and I00:43:28
understand them again in the universe00:43:29
that I described00:43:32
of course 12 13 children this00:43:35
is too much Alina you name something it’s00:43:38
very easy00:43:39
[music]00:43:47
yes it’s not easy it’s 12 portions of happiness00:43:52
because these are 12 all the sources of headaches00:43:55
with other things and it gives heroically I00:43:58
say this although you how many00:43:59
mainly of course it’s a headache and00:44:02
suddenly at another head I00:44:05
somehow even 1300:44:09
means because of this we can’t00:44:12
afford that brand of car a00:44:15
childless family can afford the children to00:44:17
whom I never talk about us00:44:21
maybe we can’t afford00:44:23
a trip for a00:44:26
luxury-level vacation,00:44:28
but this is a question, a question of priority,00:44:39
where did we come from the Thais of the Soviet Union,00:44:42
where did we already have two children? It’s00:44:54
as if there is no one,00:44:57
very few aunts and uncles and someone else, but00:45:00
I know that my children will have00:45:04
aunts and uncles, they will have a bunch of nephews00:45:07
and nieces, they will gather at the00:45:09
holiday, it will be just crazy00:45:11
happiness00:45:12
[music]00:45:19
what then the meaning of life if we are children,00:45:22
everyone has their own meaning, I think the meaning of life is00:45:26
to remain a human being, to live like a human being00:45:29
and to leave as a human being and happiness, that’s the00:45:33
whole meaning of life, and everyone has their own, like00:45:36
someone’s money, someone’s00:45:38
job, someone who’s what I I think for00:45:42
people there is always a mixed life, and even00:45:46
if there are children or not, because we are00:45:50
always alone00:45:54
forever with ourselves in our thoughts, children00:45:59
will never be with us until the end, I want to00:46:03
say00:46:04
why children are the very tonsils, but00:46:06
what’s the point guys, live and enjoy yourself00:46:09
that you are like under the communists, the highest goal is00:46:12
to live life has been given to you, rejoice what is the00:46:16
purpose of your life, why are you living wow00:46:18
this is a good question and no one has ever00:46:21
asked me about this this is a really00:46:23
good question probably my goal is to00:46:26
self-actualize and be the00:46:28
best version of myself to be a significant part of00:46:30
society, be it school, family, my friends,00:46:33
the goal is to contribute to00:46:35
each of those groups that I00:46:37
am a part of and make their lives better while I00:46:40
myself enjoy life, so00:46:42
my goal is just to be a good person,00:46:44
let's introduce this to you already for 10000:46:47
you often die somewhere on the00:46:49
Caribbean islands what do you leave behind00:46:51
yes yes this is my 7th cruise in a year my00:46:56
legacy 3000 students whom I taught00:46:59
who will live in this world00:47:00
to do great things I taught children00:47:02
who became doctors lawyers scientists00:47:05
actors musicians and artists00:47:08
I have three thousand legacies that I00:47:10
will leave behind but they are not part of00:47:13
your personal legacy that's00:47:17
okay it doesn't matter I think there are00:47:19
many ways to leave a legacy00:47:21
look at Betty White look at00:47:23
Dolly Parton I don't have children I have an income00:47:26
which I can spend is not for00:47:28
my children but for helping people00:47:33
[music]00:47:38
ah yes what are you talking about the very fact00:47:40
that a person should leave some kind of00:47:42
legacy is a strange idea why why why00:47:45
why you just can’t live doing00:47:47
what you like and my whole legacy00:47:49
is the documentaries that I00:47:51
make, they will definitely outlive me, but I00:47:53
never created them in the sense that I00:47:55
need to leave something behind, I00:47:57
did different things in life simply00:47:59
because I liked it, I think that the00:48:01
happiest people are those who can00:48:03
choose what their life will look like, I do00:48:06
n’t think there is a set of rules and checkboxes00:48:08
that need to be ticked in order to00:48:10
achieve what someone decided you need to00:48:12
achieve, the main thing is to understand what you want00:48:14
to be able to realize it, those who00:48:16
live differently are most likely not the00:48:19
happiest people laser understood clive a00:48:22
team of psychologists from michigan state university00:48:25
studied the satisfied lives of childless00:48:27
people researchers jennifer here link00:48:29
neil and jammed surveyed a00:48:31
total of 980 1 people they asked00:48:34
questions about the level of satisfaction with00:48:36
political leanings and personal00:48:39
attitude to life the researchers00:48:41
found no difference between parents and00:48:43
childless people people in their level of00:48:45
life satisfaction, the study00:48:47
showed that people without children are just as00:48:49
happy as those who have offspring,00:48:51
with the only caveat that we are talking about those who00:48:53
themselves chose not to have children, they found themselves00:48:56
without them, forced to traffic rules00:48:59
Sarah, you have already accepted the fact that there00:49:01
will be no children00:49:04
It’s difficult in the backyard of our house there are00:49:07
flower beds of white flowers, where I buried00:49:09
photographs of our embryos for all five00:49:12
rounds and there are no rituals on how to00:49:15
say goodbye to them, how to cope with such a00:49:18
loss, because rituals help us00:49:20
cope with grief and at a funeral it’s00:49:22
heartbreaking without them. it’s harder00:49:24
that’s why I chose to bury at least00:49:26
the photographs of the embryos with which I00:49:29
had such a deep connection, I kind of said00:49:31
goodbye to all my hopes00:49:33
because I don’t want to waste my life on00:49:35
illusions, especially when I know that I00:49:38
tried so hard to fully accept it, it takes00:49:40
years, I’m already recovering 8 years and00:49:43
only now am I coming to consciousness and00:49:46
understanding of what happened00:49:48
[music]00:49:56
we have women who come to them00:49:58
over 50 and over 60 and they begin to give birth to00:50:01
children before today it is even possible00:50:04
for a woman who has already reached00:50:06
menopause,00:50:07
so she can be returned to her, so to speak the course of00:50:12
normal hormonal activity and00:50:14
pregnancy will be possible from such00:50:18
places. The main regret is that I did not know00:50:20
the truth about this entire industry that00:50:22
treats infertility, 75 percent of all00:50:25
infertility treatment procedures00:50:26
end in failure, and I lived with the00:50:29
feeling that I would wait for the right00:50:31
moment to give birth to a child if I didn’t I00:50:33
'll be able to get pregnant, medicine00:50:35
will help me and there won't be any problems with it,00:50:36
you know, this is more of a personal00:50:40
regret than some kind of social one. When00:50:42
I was growing up, I was taught that the worst thing00:50:44
I could do was dishonor my family. Getting00:50:46
pregnant and giving birth out of wedlock, being a00:50:49
single mother seemed like something... then it was00:50:50
scary, I always kept this in my head and00:50:53
lived so that this did not happen and the00:50:55
child was born at the right moment and00:50:57
grew up in the best conditions possible,00:50:59
now I feel deceived, at first00:51:02
they protected me from an unplanned00:51:03
pregnancy and then it didn’t work out and00:51:05
the planned one is our generation this generation00:51:08
eco this It’s all some kind of social00:51:10
experiment:00:51:11
women began to give birth less, but they00:51:13
began to work more, and I, too, are a different00:51:15
story, completely different questions,00:51:19
and we know how to childfree, there are no problems00:51:22
in communicating with childless people, there is no00:51:24
hostility, but some perceive our00:51:26
personal decision not to have children as a00:51:28
personal insult to me I always compare it to an00:51:31
allergy, for example, I really love bananas,00:51:33
but I’m allergic to them,00:51:35
so I want you to eat 5 bananas00:51:37
a day because I can’t, but how will this00:51:39
help me? I still won’t even00:51:41
feel the taste of this banana. I would00:51:43
agree that no one owes anyone anything00:51:45
and everyone lives their own life with00:51:47
their own difficulties, people still00:51:50
react very differently, some look00:51:52
at their children, they understand that they love them so they are00:51:54
ready to jump under the bus for them,00:51:56
but at the same time they imagine life without They00:51:59
don’t judge me and they don’t judge me, but there are those who look00:52:01
at me with pity and don’t understand how I00:52:03
can be happy if I don’t have00:52:05
this love that they experience, yes, I don’t00:52:07
know what the love of a child for his00:52:09
mother is, I’ve never experienced it in00:52:11
relation to myself, but I don’t understand what I’m00:52:13
missing because I don’t know that this is a00:52:15
normal topic; motherhood is sacred for us00:52:19
and I think that this is due to the00:52:21
fact that for all these thousands00:52:23
of years, humanity has already had to survive and the00:52:26
birth of children from some way of its00:52:28
survival this is slowly changing with the00:52:31
example of two00:52:34
popular cinema series appearing based on some00:52:36
popular literature about this, they have00:52:39
slowly become pros and knowledge, we00:52:43
also write about this, it is very important to remove00:52:45
this burden of women because otherwise, in00:52:47
fact, it is just an increase in the fact that00:52:49
women will for myself,00:52:51
decide this issue very carefully, I will either do it or00:52:54
not, but if women have this g gray00:52:57
area, then you can thin yes, I can00:53:01
give birth to a child, but there may be00:53:03
different circumstances in my life, I can00:53:05
work too much or I can’t help but work00:53:08
or maybe I don’t know Sunday magician00:53:12
for example something else then00:53:15
this gray area in motherhood will appear,00:53:16
then of course it will be00:53:19
easier for everyone and I just wanted00:53:22
women to make such a decision based00:53:25
on their true inner00:53:26
desire and not under the pressure of society and00:53:29
lycans adequate downloaded created by this00:53:32
who decided not to give birth I00:53:35
respect them swim against the tide against the00:53:37
prana system talisman for this you need00:53:39
a lot of courage and strength for me personally it’s not easy00:53:42
to find a common language with childfree because no matter00:53:44
how difficult their decision was, it00:53:47
was at least their decision they chose00:53:50
such a life while I will00:53:52
live my whole life to one degree or another with00:53:53
regret Igor from the loss of00:53:57
daewoo00:53:58
do you think the world will ever be00:54:00
ready to accept such a different choice of00:54:03
people00:54:04
well, to be honest, I really hope so00:54:08
Arnold Ami we already we are moving in this00:54:11
direction, we already respect the00:54:13
boundaries of other people more, I am a complete00:54:16
utilitarian, I believe that everyone should00:54:18
be able to live the way they00:54:20
want without harming others00:54:24
[laughter]00:54:29
[music]00:54:36
I had different hobbies, I tried to00:54:39
draw, for example, but for this is00:54:41
all you need brush and paint easel00:54:44
canvases attack so once and everything is ready00:54:47
I always have costumes and the mood00:54:49
for this and it’s fun God if it00:54:52
goes like this this whole issue will look00:54:54
like an advertising life without children I00:54:57
already feel private well because it’s all mine00:54:59
friends, for example, but they simply don’t have00:55:01
time and don’t have time to do anything00:55:03
other than work at home, family and children, and do you00:55:06
think this is a feature of Russians, no, it seems to me that it’s00:55:09
everywhere, so I’m already00:55:12
tired when I’m busy around the house while I’m00:55:14
not paying attention to the children anymore, well,00:55:16
just I don’t just want to see anything,00:55:19
oh it’s sad, when you00:55:23
die, your husband will come and ask the blue00:55:25
T-shirt and the action, but the manna also needs00:55:28
to be improved, promised it’s not mine when I was00:55:32
married, even then I didn’t wash anything for my00:55:34
husband live at the time I know it’s not the York00:55:37
Times a childfree article came out and people00:55:39
started saying that this movement of00:55:42
women without children is raising a wave of guys,00:55:44
there is no movement of us, there are only a few of us,00:55:47
we are just a drop in the ocean, what noise in00:55:49
our type of currents, I am talking about00:55:51
childlessness as a choice, this is that you can be00:55:53
sterilized, I am doing this so that people00:55:55
we saw that there is a choice because00:55:57
something else is imposed on everyone and I have a lot of00:55:59
friends who are now00:56:01
parents and say it’s a pity that I didn’t have time to00:56:03
understand that I had options. I personally00:56:05
don’t try to convince the whole world that I’m right00:56:07
because there will always be people00:56:09
who have 12 children. I don’t think that these people00:56:11
will disappear somewhere in the near future00:56:17
babolat for those who have not yet00:56:20
made the decision for themselves that again in that00:56:25
country where there are many children, I want to00:56:28
say something very00:56:30
sea, so to speak, no one to the death00:56:33
complained about them the fact that they had00:56:36
too many children or that they made a00:56:38
mistake, that they gave birth to children too, but not a single00:56:40
person said that, but there were many00:56:43
people who regretted that they did not give birth to00:56:46
more or did not give birth at all and this does not00:56:49
impoverish00:56:50
sits on is brought with you tell an00:56:53
example, the flame of a candle when one flame00:56:56
burns another to him he will have00:57:01
his fire decreases00:57:03
so there and then we then we share, we00:57:07
usually don’t lose, but sometimes, and00:57:09
vice versa, we gain, and in the case of00:57:12
children00:57:14
they work with them just like that,00:57:19
first of all, let’s understand that in00:57:22
nursing homes there are many people who have00:57:24
children who never come to them and do00:57:26
not care at all, so I think00:57:29
that having a child just so00:57:30
that someone can take care of you is00:57:32
quite naive and secondly, it’s somehow00:57:34
selfish really it will00:57:36
take care of me but I hope00:57:38
we have enough retirement and savings00:57:40
so that we can live well in our old age00:57:42
we don't have to send the kids to00:57:44
college so the money is there of course I'm00:57:46
always very nice to my nephews00:57:48
in case they make a00:57:51
decision about caring for me in old00:57:53
age, I trust them, but the main thing is we don’t00:57:56
know how our life will turn out, it’s important00:57:58
now to live as you feel, that’s00:58:00
all00:58:04
[music]Description:
* Выпуск был снят до ужасных событий в Украине Движение чайлдфри набирает обороты по всему миру. Женщин и мужчин, которые решили прожить жизнь без детей (рожденных и усыновленных) становится все больше. По данным Statista, в США 15% женщин в возрасте 40-44 лет выбирают путь чайлдфри. Для сравнения, в России этот показатель не превышает 9%. Мы решили разобраться, по какой причине американки выбирают жизнь без детей, жалеют ли они о таком выборе, и задают ли им бестактные вопросы. 00:00 Тизер 01:03 Алина Полянских о женщинах за 30 и родах 02:45 Почему американцы отказываются заводить детей? 06:08 Корректно ли спрашивать о детях? 09:08 Что жители Брайтон-Бич думают о чайлдфри? 10:15 Кризис рождаемости в мире 11:27 Акушер-гинеколог о ситуации с рождаемостью в США 12:44 Счастье и дети 14:01 12 детей семьи Коган 16:17 Стерилизация в США: сложности, свобода, разочарование 23:38 ЭКО в Америке: очень дорого и долго 26:40 «Нас начали спрашивать о детях уже на свадьбе» 31:58 Главред Forbes о детях и карьере 46:16 Для чего живут люди без детей? Подписывайтесь на канал, жмите на колокольчик и смотрите новые видео первыми! Следите за проектом в наших социальных сетях: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser ВКонтакте: http://vk.com/rtvi Твиттер: http://twitter.com/rtvi Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/unsupportedbrowser Одноклассники: https://ok.ru/rtvi
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