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Channel: Will Franken

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leicester square theatre

michael savage

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donald trump

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jonathan swift

lenny bruce

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marriage of heaven and hell

savage nation

katie hopkins

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hey kids you know what today is

00:00:06

that's right it's Friday you know what

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that means

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it's fish Friday this Fridays at

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Weatherspoon's Weatherspoon's proud

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sponsor of this tiny little youtube

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channel with a handful of you know small

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but dedicated followers and we thank you

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so much for that thank you to

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Weatherspoon's respond Tsering the

00:00:33

morning program here that was a Mike and

00:00:36

Kathy thanks for putting that together

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that was quite a special effects treat

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this thing making good use of that pause

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button we've just discovered here on the

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morning program thank you to

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Weatherspoon's today of course is fish

00:00:47

Friday go down and get your fish your

00:00:49

chips and your mushy peas I know I

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certainly will be later not here on the

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Mike and Kathy Morning Show there's no

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time to eat it's only time to talk let's

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listen to talking and remember if you

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like these videos click like to

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subscribe if you want to become a patron

00:01:03

what do we do let me hear you

00:01:04

so the patreon.com stroke will franken

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and pledge whatever you can be at large

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to be it small every little helps and we

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do of course accept everyone at our

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patreon com stroke will franken patreon

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page we accept everyone here

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this is an accepting YouTube channel we

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are a tolerant accepting diverse

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pluralistic multicultural we accept

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everyone everyone is welcome

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everyone is welcome we don't want anyone

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to feel excluded that they that they

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can't watch this everyone is welcome to

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this channel except for haters we don't

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like haters so if you're a hater you

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just go or just go right away somewhere

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else on the internet cuz you're not

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welcome here no haters no get out but

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other than that if you're not a hater we

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don't care who you are you could be a

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detached head that just kind of rolls

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around and rolls around and somehow fine

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it's the ability to to click like with

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your nose we accept it we don't run

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anyway even if you're just a body part

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even if you just well except for a penis

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because we've seen far too much of those

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lately having the girls are we not tired

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come on who's the time girl I'm tired of

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hearing about penises everywhere we go

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his penis disappears you know one time I

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had a man and he pulled out his penis on

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my boots but I've come for years late if

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I wanna tell the truth mm-hmm

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you know I'm tired of all this groping

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and everything you know I get up in the

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morning after my grub for me i go to i

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go to bed now the MiG groping me yeah

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sometimes I go to this I go buy new

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shoes everybody go girl oh I'm tired

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being groped mm-hmm

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a lot of groping in the news of course

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before we get to the news the 11th of

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December big story 11th of December just

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to remind you all and do a little plug

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for myself so keep up can i plug myself

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from this ok you don't mind I don't

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wanna take up too much time away from me

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to plug myself at the 11th of December

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let's just graph theater lounge I am

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bringing a brand-new one-man show to the

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Leicester Square theater 30 p.m. 11th December come down and help

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me kick it off it's called will Franken two armed

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bandit it is a fruit machine of

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funniness that pays out in parody in a

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cash flow of comedy and a jackpot of

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jocularity so come down and laugh to

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come try your lucky laughter - sorry

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don't laugh before you go to the show go

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to the show either in a neutral or

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depressed or angry stage and then leave

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with laughter so get basically go to the

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show and get the laughter there and then

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but but don't come already laughing that

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would just just I mean go get anyway

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tell me at work 11th of December that's

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two arms bandaged tell all your friends

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if you're not in London and if you want

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to come to LA I don't care if you're in

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Thailand just fly get somehow get to

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11th of December

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let's just wear theater language and

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again I was calm I was contemplating I

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don't know one of them because the

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weekends here and that means it's time

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to make content just for the patrons

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eyes only

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that's what Saturdays and Sundays are

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for and I'm debating about whether or

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not to continue this Monday through

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Friday tradition

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no the one-hour videos I don't know I'm

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not sure because we have a handful of

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people that are watching these and I do

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I have found that the shorter ones get

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more hits and I guess that's just the

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culture we live in I think it's a lot

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you know I'm not even saying they're

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that interesting but I quite like these

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because they're either they forced me to

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use my improv muscles I felt like the

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last two especially been pretty funny

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they got some really funny moments and

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it forces me to think on my feet and I

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like doing stuff like that anyway so but

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anyway what are we gonna talk about this

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if there's another Franken in the news

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and it's not me it's al it's Al Franken

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and guess what he did anyone guess what

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he did how'd you know groped I know it's

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another what is it with men and groping

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can we not stop groping what and guys

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what is wrong with us

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am I the only male feminist here come on

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guys can we stick what are these for

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how about how about you know can we use

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these for good things these things

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called hams do they always have to grow

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you know I mean how about we just don't

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use them that you know can I can I just

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as a male feminist as a male third wave

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can I just suggest this you know because

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I've got a new BBC show called will

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Frank and third wave feminist can I just

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make a suggestion can we have like an O

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hands day where men go around you know

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like they've got amputated hands Jim

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just to show the girls I think a lot of

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women you know they don't feel safe and

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I think if we can just go out there with

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no hands you know we can say look we are

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with you girls you know we are with you

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this is getting [ __ ] insane are you

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now or have you ever been a member of

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the party that gropes women I have never

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been a member too as to my recollection

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of any party that specifically called

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upon men to grope women that we'd like

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to show a photographic evidence for the

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panel that you dish

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erricka many of the subcommittee of

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investigation into allegations of

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groping subcommittee Chairman's

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secondary committee subcommittee 12 of

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the groping investigation this is a

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picture of you it's a black and white

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photo but this is you is it not that is

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me and this is taken in Times Square and

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you are kissing a woman in a white dress

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did you or did you not know this woman

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before you kissed her I did not know I

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did not know that woman at the time of

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the kiss I did not know her you did not

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know her so why did you feel that it was

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okay for you to just run up to this

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woman and grab her plant her a big old

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smackaroonies on the lips you have to

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understand the time that this photo was

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taken

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it was VJ day it was victory over Japan

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I was returning sailor from the United

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States Navy I was very excited about the

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end of World War two

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I was glad that I had made it through

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that experience with my life and that

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the good guys had won and there was

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something to be proud of and I was in

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Times Square there was a lot of

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excitement in the air and I let the

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excitement get the better of me and for

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that I was wrong I was swept up in the

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patriotism the same type of patriotism

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that I think is very dangerous today I

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think is the passage of time goes on and

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somehow I've not really aged I'm still

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44 years old and I've never really

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gotten that but having survived World

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War two I think I let the better get

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ahead of me the better get ahead of me

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the Hedeby get better and when I grabbed

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that poor woman who I'd like to

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apologize to now I don't know if there's

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if she's passed on if we could sort of

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dig her up and I can speak maybe to the

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bones but if I could see those bones in

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front of me now I would say what I did

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was wrong

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you were even though you seemed to enjoy

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it

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I should never have gone by that and I

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had no right to inflict my patriarchal

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masculinity of a toxic variety on your

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poor defenseless female self whether it

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was the end of World War two or three or

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World War four doesn't matter I should

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not have let my should have found a

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different way to have channeled my

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excitement and I didn't and for that I

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am wrong and I am sorry and I would like

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to apologize oh my god we're turning

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into a race of apologizing people stop

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it no more pods just [ __ ] it no more

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apologies just enough I'm so sick of it all I'm

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sick of what's happening those icy

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people yeah it's the right wing and the

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left wing and the left wing and the

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right wing it's like no no there's

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something else happening you don't even

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see it's it's just cultural thing

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whatever the third fourth fifth sixth

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wave feminism just descending upon us

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and making sure that men are never men

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again I mean that's I don't think that's

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much of a hyperbole you think you'll

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ever see a photo like that again like

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it's a triumphant sale or returning home

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and god damn it's good to hold a woman

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again forgive me if this is an

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expression of toxic masculinity but I've

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been on a boat with men getting shot at

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for a long time do you mind if I just

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grab a woman can you understand this I'm

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sure you guys can I mean you know so

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you're never gonna hear that though well

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we have progressed thankfully we have

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progressed beyond those barbaric times

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the end of World War Two we have

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progressed Oh have we really nobody

00:10:54

seems to know how stupid we have become

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absolutely stupid guided completely by

00:10:59

any claims any any other claims based on

00:11:04

emotion I felt violated what would you

00:11:07

like to write

00:11:08

would you like an Oscar which is like

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mmm come on man has anybody ever asked a

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woman if he can kiss her so that I used

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to because I dig because again I didn't

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know her I didn't I didn't have any

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older brothers I didn't have any you

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know I lived I lived down the country

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kind of in isolation so I didn't have

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any like you know what you got to do man

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never [ __ ] ask you know I used to

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tell guys about then there's a never

00:11:33

[ __ ] ask I used to do that my

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earliest dates you know the ones where

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you just you hold hands you know you

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don't even think you're 14 years old you

00:11:42

just holding hands you putting the arm

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around each other like that either you

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go see a movie you know small town small

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town stuff but I didn't I didn't know

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because I didn't have any older guys to

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talk to about this stuff so I would base

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all my stuff on 18th century literature

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right I mean that's you know that's you

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talk about being out of touch I mean I

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was properly out of touch you know I was

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reading 18th century romances and

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thinking well this is how it's done you

00:12:11

know I take a girl out and at the end of

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the date I would say would it be too

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forward if I kissed you

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well I found after doing that a few

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times that invariably the girl will say

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no if she's given a choice she'll say no

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and then once I learned to kind of go

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just move in at the end of the day no

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that was fun I was but I really liked

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that that was nice

00:12:33

invariably she would move in to meet me

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for a kiss what what where where do we

00:12:41

get these expressions associated with

00:12:45

female romance you know he swept me off

00:12:48

my feet

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I was taken he led me you know I'm like

00:12:53

I mentioned this before there's a

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documentary on silent films and let's

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compose it called Hollywood the Golden

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Age of something like that and there was

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a guy who was a stunt pilot this is

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really famous it it was a crazy do

00:13:06

loop-de-loops and all this crazy [ __ ] he

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was a stunt pilot and he used to go into

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the canteen in Hollywood then he would

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he would you know talk to the you know

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chat up the birds the women girls girls

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women Bert what's the legal term now a person who

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through no fault of their own has been

00:13:27

given two x-chromosomes what is the

00:13:29

language now a girl Bert woman I told

00:13:31

you once I was teaching Community

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College I'm just gonna this is a bad

00:13:35

version I'm gonna get back to the stunt

00:13:36

pilot and then hopefully does something

00:13:38

else I was what I was teaching I mixed

00:13:43

this before but it's good too in today

00:13:44

in the context of this takeover of the

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radical feminists and then the men

00:13:49

coming forward to go I'm sorry and I

00:13:51

have no right to do that

00:13:52

even though it was 25 years ago I should

00:13:54

have apologized then I the reason I

00:13:56

didn't apologize then was because she

00:14:00

you know why what 25 years later what is

00:14:03

this I had I had a bit I never really

00:14:07

did but it was it you know when I came

00:14:09

out here was the whole jimmy savile

00:14:10

thing was erupting you know and

00:14:12

everybody was coming everybody had been

00:14:15

touched and groped and was David Lee

00:14:17

Travers the DJ and Rolf Harris and you

00:14:20

know and the thing if some of it was

00:14:22

true and some of it wasn't you know and

00:14:23

that was it that was the whole every

00:14:25

paper this this this and touch touch

00:14:27

groped touch it was it was it was it was

00:14:31

groped his group fest and I would read

00:14:33

these stories going okay it sounded like

00:14:34

this was a different time like hey girl

00:14:37

yeah it sounded like it was a different

00:14:38

time but now the pendulum has to go all

00:14:41

the way you know but I did this thing

00:14:43

where this guy was in the dark and he

00:14:46

was 82 it must have been 82 or 90 years

00:14:49

old and he would describe that when he

00:14:52

first came to the BBC he was a chimney

00:14:55

sweeper and he used to sweep out the

00:14:57

chimney and the man he worked for said

00:15:01

I'd like you to sweep my chimney and I'm

00:15:04

coming forward now why are you coming

00:15:06

forward now well I just felt it was time

00:15:10

to come forward before I pass on yes but

00:15:13

my client is a hundred and twenty-two

00:15:15

years old if you look at him do you

00:15:18

could you really say that he is still a

00:15:20

threat yes well just look at him over

00:15:22

there drooling he's lying he's lying

00:15:26

it's like this yesterday this new like

00:15:29

just dig up some [ __ ] here's some [ __ ]

00:15:32

from the pass

00:15:33

you know it's like that's that's the

00:15:36

whole culture now the whole culture is

00:15:38

wheat you know we can't make a new movie

00:15:39

we can't do anything original we've also

00:15:43

come to this myth there's always six

00:15:45

ideas in the whole world and everything

00:15:47

is just a variation well whatever yeah

00:15:49

there's a certain there's a certain

00:15:50

pattern to storytelling that's true but

00:15:52

we live in this the age of remakes the

00:15:54

age of tweets the age of you were so

00:15:57

masturbatory narcissistic with their own

00:15:59

childhoods but even me I mean I fall

00:16:02

victim said you know when I was young

00:16:03

man we did we'll hit we had Atari I can

00:16:05

I can lapse into that as well

00:16:07

but that's well listen you know when we

00:16:09

were doing a show about 10 years ago and

00:16:11

he put his hand on my breast and it's

00:16:13

just come on man enough give it a

00:16:18

[ __ ] rest

00:16:19

I was leave it to the pilot know there

00:16:23

were two diverses didn't didn't I take

00:16:24

two diversions I went one and then I

00:16:27

didn't finish that one I went to the or

00:16:29

was it only one diversion let's get back

00:16:32

to the pilot so this guy was a stunt

00:16:34

pilot in the silent film era and he used

00:16:37

to go into the canteen and he was a fly

00:16:40

boy you know and he he'd go in and chat

00:16:42

up the women oh that was this for the

00:16:44

birds the bridge women because when I

00:16:45

was teaching in North Carolina that took

00:16:47

for one year Community College and I had

00:16:50

this you had a more senior instructor

00:16:54

who you had to report to if you were a

00:16:56

new instructor and one day I went in and

00:16:59

she was checking in with me was how are

00:17:01

your students I go oh yeah yeah I got

00:17:02

this a real smart girl in the front row

00:17:04

she's she knows her stuff and I said I'm

00:17:06

sorry I'm sorry a smart a smart girl

00:17:08

she's a kid she writes good essays and a

00:17:12

smart a smart girl in the front row okay

00:17:18

and I said are you wanting me to say a

00:17:20

different word didn't girl yeah and I

00:17:24

said well I'm not going to I mean this

00:17:27

is why they didn't have me back you see

00:17:29

there are reasons where I get sacked

00:17:31

some things you know not all not all

00:17:33

them have to do with politics but in

00:17:36

that instance it was it was like I'm

00:17:38

sorry I'm not going to there's there's

00:17:40

nothing wrong with the girl is 18 years

00:17:42

old and she's a girl and there's not really

00:17:46

that I don't

00:17:47

the differences between girl woman you

00:17:50

know do you really care you don't care

00:17:52

do you I mean you know you want to you want me

00:17:55

to think you care but you actually don't

00:17:56

care I didn't say all this but I just but I

00:17:58

didn't refuse to change my language

00:18:02

I'm sorry woman see I've not you you

00:18:04

don't you really are gonna get an

00:18:06

apology you'll get an apology from me

00:18:07

like I apologize to someone last night

00:18:09

because I sent her a nasty text during

00:18:11

an acid trip a few months ago and I did

00:18:15

I pulled it and it was quite nice and I

00:18:17

out her hours and apologies it was a

00:18:18

nasty text but if you want me to

00:18:21

apologize for like you know a word that

00:18:25

you know I didn't yeah well there's a a

00:18:28

real smart girl in the class I didn't

00:18:30

say she was a dumb girl she was a smart

00:18:32

girl yeah suck on that you know if I'm

00:18:36

doing something and I had no evil intent

00:18:38

I'm not changing my [ __ ] language so

00:18:40

you can you can suck my dick

00:18:42

if you don't like it just a smart white

00:18:45

but that's where that's where so many

00:18:48

men go wrong

00:18:49

nowadays they apologize oh yeah I could

00:18:54

have [ __ ] everything up there I'm

00:18:56

sorry I meant I'm sorry yeah I I didn't

00:18:58

know I yeah oh no way he's simple

00:19:01

mistake you know I'm from a small town

00:19:02

of Missouri you know probably probably

00:19:05

had too much you know sugar when I was

00:19:07

young so our diets rolled you know

00:19:09

hillbilly diets and yeah yeah so yeah

00:19:12

what is what is the term grow the woman

00:19:15

you know okay now sorry for saying girl

00:19:17

again I know that's offensive I should

00:19:19

just say the G word right is it one of

00:19:22

those like you know with n-word or no

00:19:24

you're not get an apology from me I'm

00:19:26

not changing my language you wanna yeah

00:19:28

and that's why I decided to become a

00:19:30

comedian and guess what I found when I

00:19:33

became a comedian there were even more

00:19:35

rules oh well we comedians look out for

00:19:40

each other don't we we tell each other when it's too soon

00:19:43

when it's not too soon and what's safe

00:19:46

and what isn't safe and there are people

00:19:48

with feelings and we must respect those

00:19:52

feelings because I didn't get into

00:19:56

comedy to hurt anyone

00:20:00

I cut into comedy to make everyone feel

00:20:04

safe I don't want to ruffle any feathers

00:20:07

and I certainly don't want to rock the

00:20:09

boat it's a safe safe journey with me on

00:20:13

the stage just listen and we'll laugh at

00:20:16

others misfortunes from a different

00:20:19

place from like usually Republicans and

00:20:21

Niger Farraj and you Kip so it's safe

00:20:23

and we're all together Oh God so that

00:20:28

was that that was that story that we're

00:20:30

gonna go back to the pilot okay so the

00:20:33

pilot no he comes in this documentary

00:20:35

called Hollywood the golden years or

00:20:37

something like that about the silent

00:20:38

film era so the pilot would come in and

00:20:41

chat up the girls

00:20:43

feels nice saying girls you know no

00:20:47

chapter girls you can shut up the girls

00:20:49

as if a girl has never called the man a

00:20:51

boy as it you know what and sometimes in

00:20:55

a very insulting way as well he's just a

00:20:58

boy was it the boy what does he work

00:21:02

what and he's not a senior CEO your left

00:21:07

sound like a boy to me

00:21:08

Oh happen how about them calling each

00:21:10

other girl do you have to be a girl to

00:21:11

call girl

00:21:13

I'm started the term is female oh girl

00:21:19

so the pilot comes in and says he's

00:21:24

chatting up the girls cuz he's showing

00:21:25

off look at me I'm a pilot and there

00:21:28

were two interviews with two different

00:21:30

women who were actresses at the time and

00:21:34

it's really it's very very revealing and

00:21:36

one woman is saying you know one was it

00:21:39

well he took me up on this don't like in

00:21:40

their 80s or 70s at the time they're

00:21:42

being interviewed and he took me up in

00:21:45

his plane and he spun around and he did

00:21:49

loop-de-loops and he went towards it and

00:21:54

I just wanted to vomit and at one point

00:21:56

he told you this the planes whether one

00:21:59

person sits in front one person sitting

00:22:00

in the old school planes there's like

00:22:01

it's two people one in the front one in

00:22:03

back and at one point he turned around

00:22:05

and he gave me a thumbs up and I thought

00:22:09

he meant would you like to land the

00:22:11

plane now and I was like

00:22:12

yes and apparently he was doing this to

00:22:17

indicate that he was going to do even

00:22:18

crazier stuff and I just I never spoke

00:22:21

to him again as soon as I got up I never

00:22:23

spoke to him again I hated him for that

00:22:25

and see what something like wow yeah

00:22:27

that didn't work out the way he wanted

00:22:29

but then they go right to this other

00:22:31

interview with this other woman at the

00:22:34

time look how he took me up in his plane

00:22:36

and oh my god through an up and down but

00:22:38

I just felt so safe with him and it was

00:22:40

so exciting and she's and there are a

00:22:43

lot of women like that but believe it or

00:22:45

not there are a lot of women that like

00:22:47

that kite he just swept me off my feet

00:22:49

he did this you know crazy adventure you

00:22:53

know there was some girl recently up

00:22:54

here and she was at one of the meetings

00:22:56

around the corner and yeah shut up one

00:22:59

day was a Saturday morning and there's a

00:23:02

big crest you know like a family crest

00:23:04

outside this hall a whole you know the

00:23:09

dirting hall it's called Durning hall it

00:23:12

doesn't look like a hole in forest gate

00:23:14

it's amazing you can call something

00:23:15

burning the hole and you still find the

00:23:18

teenagers come in and eat messy chicken

00:23:21

in it I wouldn't call it it's called a

00:23:24

hole but looks more like a treatment

00:23:28

center for young adolescents who like

00:23:31

chicken cottage anyway but it's called

00:23:35

during the hole and I showed up one day

00:23:37

and she said what is that and I said

00:23:39

what's a family crest and and I because

00:23:42

I haven't no little local history I said

00:23:44

actually I there's a there's a

00:23:46

foundation stone you know and she was

00:23:49

supposed to be there like guarding the

00:23:50

door and I said this if there's a

00:23:52

foundation stone that was laid by that

00:23:54

here I'll show you

00:23:56

and she just followed me and it was

00:23:58

really good she just followed me I could

00:23:59

tell her she just left her post and

00:24:01

followed me and I go see look at that

00:24:03

that was this uh this counter of I count

00:24:05

that that's his family crest and that's

00:24:07

the foundation stone oh wow

00:24:08

and I got the feeling I didn't have

00:24:11

something else that I had had had to do

00:24:13

that day that you know but that's like

00:24:15

that was a great feeling that was like

00:24:16

yeah like dude let's just

00:24:18

yeah we're just playing like you know I

00:24:20

didn't ask her to leave her post she

00:24:21

just come and just follow me along she

00:24:23

was interested in what that crest was

00:24:24

all about and

00:24:25

there you go so there are women like

00:24:27

that and I I think that's something you

00:24:29

know that women like you know because

00:24:32

again who's asked a woman to kiss them

00:24:35

before variably get no it wouldn't be

00:24:38

too forward if I kissed you you know

00:24:41

what was the difference - gone with the

00:24:43

wind right you get the Ashley was his

00:24:44

name Ashley and then you got you know

00:24:46

frankly what do give a damn

00:24:52

[Music]

00:24:54

raise your hands if you would like to

00:24:56

return to them halcyon days of the v-j

00:25:00

day photograph you know raise your hand

00:25:02

if you'd like to return to that

00:25:03

innocence where there were only you know

00:25:06

there were males and females and then

00:25:09

occasionally maybe once a decade you'd

00:25:11

get a hermaphrodite or a neuter that

00:25:13

would have both and then you know though

00:25:16

you didn't really hear much about that

00:25:17

unless you went to the circus or but

00:25:21

then what happened was in the 80s like

00:25:22

Phil Donahue and Oprah Winfrey came out

00:25:25

and said we've got some people on our

00:25:27

show today and and I'm not doing this

00:25:29

for ratings as she's not British with

00:25:31

hello I'm Oprah with hello I'm Robert

00:25:34

Mugabe I have not even talked about

00:25:35

Robert Mugabe I apologize I don't know

00:25:38

what Robert Mugabe stands out but he's

00:25:39

sad that took me I don't know what his

00:25:41

voice sounds like because I don't what

00:25:43

you listen to the man because the man is

00:25:44

a dictator or was until recently but now

00:25:47

he's starting a brand new life

00:25:49

with his own reality TV show Robert

00:25:51

Mugabe ex Nobel Prize winner and also ex

00:25:55

dictator it shows him in his daily life

00:25:57

- in front of things or Robert Mugabe

00:26:00

I never made my own coffee before I

00:26:03

usually beat people into submission and

00:26:06

today make coffee for me but now let's

00:26:08

see what it tastes like Robert Mugabe

00:26:09

reality TV star ah too bad I can't get

00:26:15

slaves to make the coffee for me anymore

00:26:17

I'm Robert Mugabe my saying his name

00:26:19

right Robert go Gaby Zimbabwe Lita that

00:26:23

was a coup well that's good he's gone

00:26:25

isn't it he was celebrating and

00:26:27

celebrated the UN was I talking about

00:26:30

bring me back yeah I'm talking about

00:26:31

this thing cuz you know the problem is

00:26:33

Al Franken

00:26:34

sohow Franken is the latest groper and

00:26:37

you know Franken is my

00:26:39

last name as well and it just it just

00:26:43

brought back to me that you know when I

00:26:44

first started out in comedy in San

00:26:46

Francisco people would say any relation

00:26:48

to how you know [ __ ] Selma stabbed

00:26:50

you shut up

00:26:51

of course I'm not related to him I'm

00:26:52

funny how he used to do his Stuart

00:26:58

Smalley how say Stuart Smalley was to

00:27:01

tip my hat to Al Franken that was the

00:27:05

you know I think there was stuff I think

00:27:06

there was the first concerted you know

00:27:08

attack and it was it was funny on the

00:27:11

self-help culture right the the you know

00:27:14

the affirmations and the love yourself

00:27:17

mantras and that was funny you know and

00:27:20

then he became a very predictable boring

00:27:22

leftist you know and but you know his

00:27:26

name's in the news and I he he groped a

00:27:28

woman 25 years ago and whatever ten

00:27:32

years ago who knows but she you know I

00:27:34

don't know I don't even wondering really

00:27:36

gonna go into other than to say like

00:27:38

it'd be night I don't want the name

00:27:40

Franken in the news because and if I

00:27:43

google my name will Franken it's a will

00:27:46

Franken apologize for touching a woman's

00:27:48

breast I want y'all might actually if

00:27:49

well frankly as a [ __ ] genius man I

00:27:51

saw a show last night man this guy is

00:27:53

the next Jonathan Swift man he is really

00:27:56

doing like a new thing like Peter Cook

00:27:58

and like though no now you're gonna get

00:28:01

that will Frank and apologize for

00:28:03

touching a woman's breast will Frank it

00:28:05

up of course he'll apologize because

00:28:08

that's what men do nowadays men they're

00:28:10

pumped minimum it was men's apologies

00:28:12

that built this nation why why men

00:28:16

apology look at that bridge over there

00:28:18

that was all constructed from male

00:28:20

apologies look at these tall skyscrapers

00:28:23

and that castle over there why we

00:28:26

wouldn't have those without male

00:28:27

apologies why look at these marvelous

00:28:31

inventions all the product of

00:28:33

apologizing males that's right that's

00:28:37

right when Jonas Salk wanted to create

00:28:39

the mostest a pullet was it polio with

00:28:43

Jonas Salk created the polio vaccine he

00:28:45

just looked at a petri dish and

00:28:47

apologized to it for 48 hours then the

00:28:51

vaccine was created

00:28:52

why what else in history what's another

00:28:55

historical example why give me give you

00:28:59

it was a good thing they're been plenty

00:29:01

when Beethoven wanted to write the mind

00:29:03

symphony he looked at that blank sheet

00:29:05

of paper and just apologized note after

00:29:08

note after note it was men's apologies

00:29:12

that built this nation I like to

00:29:15

apologize for my debt about men's

00:29:18

apologies building nations it was not my

00:29:23

intent to make a joke about apologies

00:29:27

apologies are very serious things and I

00:29:31

apologize for making jokes about

00:29:34

apologies I mean we're in a pub we're in

00:29:37

an apology loop that's I should remember

00:29:39

that because I have to write that speech

00:29:42

for Sunday the men's it's the

00:29:45

international men's day conference I

00:29:46

have to write I have to do is talk the

00:29:49

presentation and I don't have the ticket

00:29:51

link but if it's at the international

00:29:53

men's day look it up international men's

00:29:55

day will franken and i'm speaking around

00:29:58

7 p.m. so i don't like the men's day

00:30:01

thing i don't like the male male rights

00:30:03

you know i don't that's no we and and

00:30:07

anybody this cause for everybody whether

00:30:10

you're minority gender whatever like

00:30:12

rise above the victim mentality the talk

00:30:15

of right talk beat anti this is the age

00:30:18

we need anti we need we are anti third

00:30:21

wave feminists we're not men's rights my

00:30:24

book by Jojo mu fufu you think it's one

00:30:27

no no no we are anti third wave feminism

00:30:30

we it was like we have had enough of

00:30:32

this [ __ ] enough stop apologizing and

00:30:35

men stand up I know it's difficult isn't

00:30:39

because you want you don't want to rock

00:30:40

the boat it's a well I got a nice quiet

00:30:42

life I you know things are going to go

00:30:44

right people what's the life worth you

00:30:47

want to you want to be like

00:30:48

henpecked by culture into oblivion and

00:30:53

I'm not it's hardest I'm not standing up

00:30:55

for Al Frank and I'm just all I'm saying

00:30:56

is like you know if I had like you know

00:30:59

maybe five hundred thousand YouTube hits

00:31:01

I don't know who would come forward well

00:31:05

he moved in for yes did you move back well I did but I

00:31:08

just I didn't know I was kind of like of

00:31:10

course yeah well I thought that's what I

00:31:11

had to do and that you know and I moved

00:31:14

in and you know with bit of bit where

00:31:16

was it he when he moved out I mean who

00:31:17

knows what kind of [ __ ] they can come up

00:31:19

with you know I've had you know I've

00:31:23

I've touched well you know I you know I

00:31:25

put my arm around a woman's waist a few

00:31:27

times like hey did you like the show you

00:31:29

like you know but again I can't I can't

00:31:33

hammer this home enough I'm not a rapist

00:31:35

so there you go I am I saw a shooting

00:31:41

star last night I was having my last

00:31:43

cigarette of the night and I'm sometimes

00:31:46

I could be a bit superstitious like not

00:31:48

superstitious but yeah you're supposed

00:31:50

to make a wish when you see a shooting

00:31:51

star I wish I wish I had a reminder here

00:31:55

off camera to remind me because I wanted

00:31:57

to talk about the prostate thing because

00:31:59

it's a men's issue but you know it's

00:32:02

fine I'll get that out of the way he was

00:32:04

a very lovely doctor and he treated me

00:32:05

very kindly and I was scared and he said

00:32:09

don't be scared and I said no I'm afraid

00:32:11

it's not gonna be as good as last time

00:32:13

cuz I did have a book I didn't know was

00:32:15

a prostitute my GP gave me uh for some

00:32:17

reason I think they stick to I don't cuz

00:32:19

I don't want to see what they stick up

00:32:20

your ass cuz the prostate is the ass

00:32:23

right - I know about through Citadis but

00:32:26

you know I just I just learned that the

00:32:27

prostates the ass I don't like you know

00:32:30

wouldn't you know the ass is for sitting

00:32:34

down and then doing you know hmm

00:32:37

I'm very old-school I don't like to

00:32:39

anything sexual with the ass right so

00:32:45

the deep you know the fur I didn't know

00:32:46

what the the GP did it because I've

00:32:47

mentioned something I mentioned

00:32:49

something to him and then he said well I

00:32:51

don't want to do something you didn't

00:32:53

say it was a prostate exam if you pull

00:32:55

down your trousers and then it was like

00:32:57

hot the [ __ ] are you doing whoa whoa

00:32:59

whoa hey come man man I think I am but I

00:33:04

just I thought it was two fingers and

00:33:05

that's only because the the second girl

00:33:08

I ever had sex with I was I was in the

00:33:10

middle of having sex with her one night

00:33:11

and she and she said to me as we're

00:33:14

having as I'm on top of her do you want

00:33:16

me to stick two fingers up your ass

00:33:20

like that second album partridge tracing

00:33:22

I didn't know what this sounds like if

00:33:25

you want you know I didn't you know then

00:33:28

it was like yeah but do you know no no

00:33:30

no no what is this but she I remember

00:33:33

saying this so now I you know when that

00:33:34

had that really called back to when I

00:33:37

was 16 I just thought the doctor was

00:33:40

sticking two fingers up there it could

00:33:42

have been like a test tube for Simpson I

00:33:44

don't know what he was doing and I

00:33:45

didn't want to know but it did not feel

00:33:48

right so then I went I went back he sent

00:33:50

me to this I have to have an MRI now but

00:33:54

then he sent me to he sent me to this

00:33:55

other guy who did the same thing okay I

00:33:59

went to do something I told us oh no not

00:34:01

that thing again but he was really he

00:34:04

was really gentle and he was nice and he

00:34:06

said what he said what do you do and I

00:34:09

said I'm a comedian well don't make a

00:34:13

joke about this oh really

00:34:16

I didn't know if you're serious about it

00:34:18

because I might talk about it you know

00:34:20

just you know I just met you and you're

00:34:23

you know up there but he said he said

00:34:28

what part I said I said because in front

00:34:31

of them he's a if it's cancer he says I

00:34:34

don't think you have cancer but it could

00:34:35

be you know something something

00:34:36

something and you know if it is cancer

00:34:39

then we have some options we can do

00:34:41

treatments we can remove the prostate

00:34:43

and oh god I don't even know what a

00:34:45

prostate is but please keep it I was

00:34:48

like that would trans fats in New York

00:34:50

when then when the New York I didn't

00:34:52

even know what a trans fat was but the

00:34:54

New York City they decided from now on

00:34:56

there shall be no more trans fats in the

00:34:58

food and everybody's like yeah a victory

00:35:02

for health and also knows like you know

00:35:03

what I don't know what a trans fat is

00:35:05

but put them back in the food I want

00:35:06

some yeah just because I'm not allowed

00:35:08

to have it I have to have it now because

00:35:10

I don't like the government telling me

00:35:11

what I can put in my body I'm it's a

00:35:14

simple week so can I have the trans fats

00:35:16

please where do I get trans fats I have

00:35:18

a craving for trans fats now what was I

00:35:22

talking about for trans fats stuck the

00:35:24

thing up the thing Oh

00:35:27

the prostate it's like I don't write I

00:35:29

have legs and I knows

00:35:32

you know the basic organs capillaries

00:35:34

you know I'm not completely ignorant to

00:35:36

the body I don't really know what a

00:35:38

prostate does you know why we the

00:35:42

appendix apparently is useless as well

00:35:44

if it gets inflamed do you have the

00:35:45

appendix out you don't actually need it

00:35:47

but I would probably feel the same the

00:35:50

prostate to me sounds like if it's if

00:35:51

it's asked related and it's I thought it

00:35:55

was a penis thing I you know see I'm a

00:35:57

big agency this showed you how like you

00:35:59

know hyper heterosexual I am I don't

00:36:01

even like you know think but when I

00:36:04

watch porn it's like girls on their own

00:36:06

I don't you know I don't like to see

00:36:08

another man's penis in the yeah but I

00:36:12

thought it was a p.m. there's penis and

00:36:13

asked if you take that out is that does

00:36:15

that severed the link between a penis

00:36:17

and does a whole body fall apart and so

00:36:20

I asked him like the most important

00:36:22

question I asked the doctor I said you

00:36:25

know if that were the case would I still

00:36:27

be able to have sex and he says yeah you

00:36:30

are 44 you have probably already had

00:36:34

hundreds of women hundreds of course

00:36:42

thousands but seriously will I be able

00:36:46

to have sex again yes you will have sex

00:36:49

again if you don't do a joke about this

00:36:53

in your comedy show no I I swear if you

00:36:57

can promise me that I'll have sex again

00:36:59

with a woman I want to do a single joke

00:37:02

about this experience where you shove

00:37:04

something up my arse and you telling me

00:37:06

about hundreds of women that I have had

00:37:09

you're 40 you're 44 surely by this time

00:37:12

you have had hundreds of women Y myself

00:37:15

I have had thousands you know it's funny

00:37:18

too on the board in the in the clinic so

00:37:21

you go to the hospital to get this done

00:37:23

right and it says so this one was

00:37:25

urology and then underneath was oncology

00:37:28

it was the same ward and and they would

00:37:31

just show the doctors on call and so on

00:37:35

oncology that would have doctor

00:37:36

so-and-so doctor you know dr dr.

00:37:38

so-and-so dr. so-and-so died on urology

00:37:41

for some reason

00:37:44

Uber's mr. mr. Saeed mr. Ibrahim you

00:37:48

know and it was weird

00:37:50

wow I'm having a mr. look at my stick

00:37:54

something up my arse I'm going to stick

00:37:57

something up your arse well you are the

00:37:59

mr. you know best yeah so anyway we'll

00:38:05

see what that portends we'll see what

00:38:07

that prognosticators we'll see what that

00:38:09

is that because sometimes I get the

00:38:12

language wrong it's this thing called

00:38:15

English was once spoken in these aisles

00:38:18

this language called English was once on

00:38:21

everyone's lips but now the times have

00:38:25

changed and think oh [ __ ] for that

00:38:27

because now we've got a welcome me was

00:38:38

well it sounds like the Tower of Babel

00:38:41

but that's just because for my privilege

00:38:43

I'm walking around with privileged ears

00:38:47

and not understanding a sound that

00:38:49

language called English was spoken in

00:38:53

these are all those days of yesteryear

00:38:56

thank God they're gone

00:39:00

be proud to hear a bunch of babbling in

00:39:04

the streets right I saw a shooting star

00:39:12

last night

00:39:13

don't you know that you are a shooting

00:39:16

star to piss so bad there's always

00:39:20

prostate talk it's not a penis thing

00:39:22

it's an ass thing but with the gate the

00:39:26

gay guys do it that way and it makes

00:39:28

didn't come go figure

00:39:32

I don't get it you know but you know

00:39:34

again that's because I'm trying to other

00:39:36

I'm other in people you know I don't

00:39:40

know then when I walked in the street

00:39:41

run for anyone I don't think about other

00:39:43

cuz I'm I'm a non-traditional student

00:39:45

you know my I was supposed to go to

00:39:48

college but thanks to a educational

00:39:51

grant I am in college now I never heard

00:39:54

the word other tell them went to college

00:39:57

and you know it's not 100 so basically

00:39:59

best I can describe it if I'm walking

00:40:01

down the street and I see a 80 year old

00:40:05

woman with no legs I'm not really seeing

00:40:08

I've seen it myself you know the only

00:40:11

reason I've seen two people's because I

00:40:12

mother and you got to read my term paper

00:40:16

on it I wrote a big old term paper on it

00:40:18

saying this paper is really you don't

00:40:21

read this paper because you started no

00:40:23

because we're all the same thing it's

00:40:24

because I'm just trying to other you

00:40:26

know other I'm other in people I saw a

00:40:32

shooting star last night and I made a

00:40:35

wish and it was a great shooting study

00:40:39

gives usually uses she was it was the

00:40:41

shooter this was I was looking dead

00:40:43

ahead having my [ __ ] and it was a smooth

00:40:45

it was like soon and I'm either they

00:40:49

made a wish and it was like three rolled

00:40:51

into one I just tried to envision

00:40:52

exactly what it just came out in an

00:40:54

instant I go I want to marry that girl I

00:40:56

want to be following all my artistic

00:40:59

dreams you know their general sense and

00:41:01

I want to be a citizen of this country

00:41:03

one day all three just wish I sue the

00:41:08

bush

00:41:09

boom all through this image of myself

00:41:12

being married to this girl doing my art

00:41:15

and being a citizen of this nation right

00:41:19

full citizenship on that shooting star

00:41:23

now that doesn't mean you know obviously

00:41:28

wishes a you know the wishes of wish

00:41:30

right but I tell you what was revealing

00:41:32

was that I was honest with myself I was

00:41:36

honest with myself about what I wanted

00:41:38

because I have always been very afraid

00:41:41

to say what I want beyond like a pasty

00:41:44

you know I will have chicken and

00:41:47

mushroom right you know give me a

00:41:49

chicken and mushroom pasty I want a cup

00:41:51

of coffee

00:41:52

I need a [ __ ] you know basic simple stuff

00:41:54

I would like to pay the rent but like to

00:41:58

say what I want so anyway it was

00:42:00

revealing to me it was almost like a

00:42:02

psychological you know the girl the the

00:42:04

red-haired girl who I've I've not talked

00:42:06

to for more than a cumulative five

00:42:10

minutes at

00:42:11

maybe 10 some nights I uh you know maybe

00:42:17

I'm crazy maybe things will even out

00:42:19

late but I I could easily see myself

00:42:21

falling in love with her

00:42:23

and just yeah the little red-haired girl

00:42:26

what did I you know and I only used that

00:42:28

in the Charlie Brown sense of his little

00:42:31

red-haired girl the one he was just oh

00:42:33

god there she is right like that but

00:42:35

she's actually blonde and yeah I just

00:42:39

thought that's it just came that was the

00:42:40

first thing that came out I want I want

00:42:41

to be married to her I want a man I want

00:42:43

to have her as my wife whoosh you know

00:42:46

and follow my art that's just a general

00:42:49

like whoosh whoosh whoosh three things

00:42:53

like that although one and so it was it

00:42:56

was more like revealing to myself like

00:42:57

yeah what's the truth of the matter the

00:42:58

Tristram and this is what you want you

00:43:01

want this woman and yeah and you know

00:43:06

the I mention this before I had a I had

00:43:08

a sponsor back in the States

00:43:10

who was always on about me he was always

00:43:13

on at me about not saying what I wanted

00:43:15

and he would get even get very flustered

00:43:18

with me as he said I took no I'm just

00:43:20

happy that I just like black coffee you

00:43:22

know give me packet of [ __ ] black coffee

00:43:24

got a roof over my head what else what

00:43:26

else do I need they kept needling me and

00:43:30

needling me until one day I just burst I

00:43:34

was so angry at being needled I didn't

00:43:38

know subconsciously I had I had

00:43:39

repressed everything that I since I was

00:43:43

a little kid to live out here that was

00:43:48

in it and he just be just needled me and

00:43:51

needle me and I just in anger I said I

00:43:53

want to [ __ ] live and do comedy and

00:43:55

England goddamnit boom I just [ __ ]

00:43:57

came out and he just it was over he goes

00:43:59

I had no idea okay I said it's almost

00:44:03

like it's a personal satisfaction he he

00:44:05

he wrenched that out of me okay just I

00:44:09

didn't know that I didn't know that's

00:44:10

what you wanted and it was less than a

00:44:12

week later I had an opportunity to come

00:44:15

out here a less than a week later and it

00:44:17

was one of those things since I was a

00:44:18

[ __ ] little kid I saw something like

00:44:22

programs like Rumple of the Bailey I

00:44:24

mean

00:44:25

the Thames TV programs especially but

00:44:28

the music when the music came on I was

00:44:30

like I am in love with this culture

00:44:33

there's a especially the comedy there

00:44:36

was a there was a surrealism to this to

00:44:41

the comedy in this country and it was it

00:44:43

was almost as if there were these

00:44:45

societal repressions that y'all right

00:44:48

yeah not bad yeah yeah no bad yeah like

00:44:51

they're never really sang how you felt

00:44:53

when there came a time for a creative

00:44:55

explosion it came out through this

00:44:57

beautiful weirdness that I so much

00:44:59

identified with and then when they when

00:45:02

the layer of history was added and the

00:45:05

length and the extent of its history and

00:45:07

it's in like you know I don't care man I

00:45:09

I think the Empire yeah the Empire did a

00:45:12

lot of bad but the Empire also did a lot

00:45:13

of good right and I think it's I think

00:45:15

it's astounding that a country this size

00:45:17

could have spread such influence

00:45:20

globally in the age that it did it just

00:45:23

boggles the mind

00:45:24

a bit like safe a bit like st. Paul

00:45:27

right the guy you know the story was he

00:45:31

was a Christian killer and they had a

00:45:34

white light moment and somehow he was

00:45:36

able in the age before the internet

00:45:38

before modern transportation to carry

00:45:41

the message all the way to the Romans

00:45:43

it's absolutely insane today but I feel

00:45:45

the same way about the British Empire

00:45:47

was that yeah I know not everything was

00:45:48

good right I mean there were there were

00:45:50

problems with garage but the fact that

00:45:52

they could have spread such cultural

00:45:54

influence you know even as recently as

00:45:57

the God were two British invasions of

00:45:59

music you know the first the first one

00:46:01

being slightly better I have to say you

00:46:04

know but there is you know hey you know

00:46:06

what I got a soft spot for here is my

00:46:07

car here is my park my car my car my my

00:46:11

my car my car I mean that's come on

00:46:14

even in Missouri we were like you know

00:46:16

that was like I used to roller skate at

00:46:19

the local roller rink here is my car my

00:46:21

car my car goes fast it goes fast my car

00:46:24

it goes car my fast or whatever you

00:46:27

singing don't you what me baby so that's

00:46:34

what happened last night that shooting

00:46:35

star distracted out of me

00:46:37

because what it was pretty weird I had a

00:46:39

very weird feeling before I was watching

00:46:41

Schubert's impromptu the d-28 eight

00:46:46

collection Alfred Brendel you should

00:46:50

watch it and it's number one in F minor

00:46:52

and there is a part where he should pull

00:46:59

it up when I pull it up I keep I keep

00:47:02

talking but there was a point because I

00:47:05

mentioned I Claudius the I Claudius

00:47:07

series which I'm surprised a lot of

00:47:08

people have not seen I thought would

00:47:10

have seen where now I Claudius which I'm

00:47:13

probably why I try to watch that once a

00:47:15

year because there's so many great lines

00:47:16

is there anyone in Rome who is not stuck

00:47:19

with my daughter I mean the pinnacle of

00:47:23

British acting Derek Jacobi Brian

00:47:26

Blessed some of the meaning of this

00:47:30

but there's there was a there's a line

00:47:32

that Messalina I remember I met

00:47:34

Messalina was the horror that was

00:47:36

married to Claudius and Claudius Emperor

00:47:39

Claudius did not know that she'd been

00:47:41

[ __ ] around on them right he was he

00:47:44

was a blind he was blind about he was

00:47:46

blinded by love but he also he also this

00:47:50

is so hard to do he was blind that he

00:47:52

was blinded by love but he also just

00:47:54

didn't know she was sneaky right there's

00:47:56

a scene after she's just got done

00:47:57

[ __ ] one of her lover's and she says

00:48:00

every time I make love this is what

00:48:03

she's saying to her lover the

00:48:04

pillow-talk afterwards every time I make

00:48:06

love I feel like I'm reaching for

00:48:07

something that that's always just out of

00:48:09

my grasp and I don't know if I feel like

00:48:13

why I mean I feel like you know when I

00:48:15

when I get my nut off may my nuts the

00:48:17

shuffle I got what I wanted until I need

00:48:19

it again might be different for women

00:48:21

but I felt that last night and this is a

00:48:24

piece of her thousands of hundreds

00:48:27

thousand you are 44 mr. Franken you

00:48:30

probably have heard Schubert's impromptu

00:48:31

hundreds of times

00:48:33

yeah hundreds of times sure but will I

00:48:37

be able to still listen to Schubert

00:48:39

without a prostate you don't hear out of

00:48:40

your prostate do you for help well I

00:48:42

don't know science is always finding new

00:48:44

things to hear from have you tried

00:48:46

hearing from your heart if you listen

00:48:49

from your heart maybe you will

00:48:50

understand what it's like to be groped

00:48:52

because I was always listening to my

00:48:54

ears and I would hear the girls say yes

00:48:56

you can grope me but didn't I listen to

00:48:59

my heart I actually heard come on play

00:49:01

it's not gonna fly is it anyway there's

00:49:04

a M for impromptus D is Alfred Brendel

00:49:08

Schubert form prompted okay

00:49:10

let's just have it on the back room

00:49:14

Jesus Christ it's nothing work folks

00:49:16

sorry technical problems here this

00:49:20

there's a point in this piece I just let

00:49:23

it play until it gets to that just play

00:49:25

it now this is C minor all right you

00:49:30

know what that's not the one that's a

00:49:33

good one too but it's not d 8 8 9 its

00:49:37

d 9 35 that's the opus number but

00:49:42

there's a part where he this is the F

00:49:44

minor there's a part where he descends

00:49:48

into just arpeggio trickles down into

00:49:53

this real somber thing and there and

00:49:56

last night I felt what Messalina felt

00:49:59

because see this is what I always wanted

00:50:01

to be but not always wanted to be this

00:50:03

well this what if I could live a

00:50:06

different life if I could be reborn

00:50:08

I'd be in classical pianist to have that

00:50:12

mastery over the keys and I played piano

00:50:15

but nut but nothing like this but there

00:50:17

wasn't that right before I saw that

00:50:18

shooting star last night

00:50:21

I felt there was such a longing and it

00:50:24

wasn't it wasn't even entirely painful

00:50:26

but there was a longing to be able to

00:50:28

play this and I wonder if there's still

00:50:30

time

00:50:32

this is if I could disappear into this

00:50:42

that's the long that's the long that I

00:50:45

have

00:50:46

so that's Brendel from the 70s

00:50:50

playing Schubert in the 19th century and

00:50:55

that's that's the longing that I have

00:50:59

it's for the past yeah that's I mean

00:51:06

that's don't just that well I'm gonna

00:51:11

[ __ ] cry but yeah I've seen this and

00:51:14

this particular I've heard the piece

00:51:15

many times but I've seen that particular

00:51:17

performance of Brendan's so many times

00:51:19

I'm I'm never able to get to that point

00:51:22

like yeah I've seen it enough it's like

00:51:23

I still just watch those hands now and

00:51:25

[Music]

00:51:27

that was the longing that I had that was

00:51:30

the longing that I that said I long for

00:51:32

the past and that's why I love this land

00:51:36

I you go back and you think of the Kings

00:51:40

and the Queen's before that he you look

00:51:43

at this age today where everybody is

00:51:45

they can only go back 10 years to the

00:51:48

time so-and-so kissed me on the cheek

00:51:51

even though I felt but you know you go

00:51:53

back to this this bubble of what 20 to

00:51:58

30 years that we just kind of float

00:51:59

around in hey let's make Robocop again

00:52:02

you sure we just made it again last year

00:52:06

hey Butz April yeah okay let's make

00:52:09

Robocop again is it gonna be a sequel

00:52:11

Wow

00:52:12

just make it again put more lasers in it

00:52:16

let's make you know that's it we just

00:52:17

float we float around in this this

00:52:20

bubble of 20 to 30 years maybe and maybe

00:52:24

it goes this for some older people it

00:52:26

goes back to the 60s you know because

00:52:28

their history begins and ends with the

00:52:29

60s everything before the 1960s was

00:52:32

slavery and

00:52:34

Rhodri for the women and repression and

00:52:37

or and there was there were no you know

00:52:41

it's horrible and now we live in this

00:52:44

you know yeah the sink but there was

00:52:46

nothing that came out of that and then

00:52:48

and you know when people I feel bad when

00:52:50

people send me political things to look

00:52:53

at nowadays like look at this sometimes

00:52:57

I read something but you know like I get

00:52:58

this like this and you does a girl to

00:53:00

keep sending me YouTube stuff and I just

00:53:02

like there are two London's of why it

00:53:06

matters sometimes I just I don't know I

00:53:10

just can't get into it anymore there's

00:53:12

something deeper going on you know it I

00:53:15

mean the cultural thing I'm always be

00:53:19

intrigued by because the culture that's

00:53:21

the reality but but if such-and-such a

00:53:23

senator didn't pass such-and-such a bill

00:53:25

that's not gonna make you know if such

00:53:26

as such an MP doesn't get his

00:53:29

legislation heard if we have you know it

00:53:31

doesn't really matter who the PM is if

00:53:33

we can't fix the cultural rot that is

00:53:37

happening you know there's nothing -

00:53:39

there's nothing to yearn for all there

00:53:44

is to yearn for is a what a plasma TV

00:53:47

new shoes I mean I have to buy new shoes

00:53:50

I need new shoes and that's like a

00:53:51

monumental thing for me I'd like how do

00:53:54

you oh here comes the shoe thing I had

00:53:56

to go to the shoe place and like get the

00:53:59

right shoe you know like the mundane

00:54:03

stuff you see Drugstore Cowboy happy

00:54:08

hello Drugstore Cowboy there's a scene

00:54:12

where he comes in and he's talking to

00:54:14

this counselor at this drug rehab and he

00:54:17

says you don't understand it I mean

00:54:18

sometimes you know a guy breaks his

00:54:21

shoelace he wants to go off and get

00:54:22

wasted you know it says it says it's the

00:54:24

mundaneness of life that people who use

00:54:26

anything to escape how mundane things

00:54:29

can become and this this thing with the

00:54:33

groping and I'm coming forward and that

00:54:36

you know if you see what it's all about

00:54:39

in the end is to create a race of

00:54:41

apologizing beta males and we can't go

00:54:44

on soon culture cannot survive on that

00:54:46

basis it can't do it

00:54:48

you know we can't the I know the same

00:54:53

well that's just a cycle and it'll

00:54:54

naturally become this but see nada not

00:54:56

every woman was meant to be Boudicca

00:54:58

Queen Boudicca who led a brave rebellion

00:55:02

against the Romans in this land right

00:55:05

look up Queen Boudicca

00:55:06

right badass right not everyone was

00:55:09

meant to be that and not even not every

00:55:11

woman was meant to be Emily Dickinson

00:55:13

and not every man was meant to be James

00:55:15

Joyce right there that's just that's

00:55:18

just the natural diversity but if you

00:55:21

keep changing what a job means yeah like

00:55:24

this is a bit I want to do like hormones

00:55:26

on the front lines like it's like

00:55:29

platoon like Vietnam would either we

00:55:32

need estrogen on the front lines we have

00:55:35

an intern infantryman who chooses to

00:55:37

identify as an infantry woman who is

00:55:39

down and becoming butch hussy how's it

00:55:43

looking I don't have my penis do I not a

00:55:45

penis is still gone but things are

00:55:47

looking pretty butch know you know these

00:55:52

weird things you say

00:55:53

well I always felt like a girl inside

00:55:55

that's why I wouldn't want to become a

00:55:57

marine right Disney way yourself I mean

00:55:59

once upon a time even the trans thing

00:56:01

made sense it was like I always felt

00:56:05

like a woman and that's why I decided to

00:56:07

work in a clothing you know there was

00:56:09

kind of a through line there but now I

00:56:11

always felt like a woman could Michael

00:56:13

Savage was doing the story about a

00:56:14

transgender who was an infantry soldier

00:56:19

so why have to help that you become an

00:56:22

infantry soldier like I always played

00:56:25

with dolls and I was about to do makeup

00:56:27

and fix my hair and I played with the

00:56:29

other girls and that's why I wanted to

00:56:31

go off and find Afghanistan to just you

00:56:33

know we're losing the ability to make

00:56:35

jokes about anything because nothing

00:56:37

makes any sense I always felt like a boy

00:56:39

inside I would play with the other boys

00:56:41

and that's why I decided to become a

00:56:43

kindergarten teacher you know and do

00:56:45

work with finger paints nothing makes

00:56:47

any sense anymore you know the world is

00:56:51

going mad I remember John Waters told me

00:56:53

that last time I saw him in court he was

00:56:56

he was almost too ashamed to admit it

00:56:58

because I I hate to say this but I think

00:57:01

the words gone mad it does nothing to be

00:57:04

ashamed of it's the most illogical things you could say now the world is

00:57:06

going insane the world is going

00:57:09

absolutely insane

00:57:10

and I just want to have my kicks before

00:57:13

the whole [ __ ] house goes up in flames

00:57:15

you know the the doors right through the

00:57:18

live album the Roadhouse blues great

00:57:20

song but anyway that when that shooting

00:57:23

star went by last night that's what it

00:57:26

did was it I felt like that when my

00:57:28

friends had ripped out from me you know

00:57:31

by needling me what it is what it was

00:57:33

that I wanted my whole life so now I'm

00:57:36

out here and when I saw that shooting

00:57:38

star I thought that's it I could I could

00:57:40

I could [ __ ] all I want but you know

00:57:42

I I like that I like I just I could see

00:57:47

myself falling in love with that girl

00:57:48

I just don't and I don't know what it

00:57:50

takes to fall in love with somebody but

00:57:51

yeah I don't know if I have time for

00:57:52

this cuz I was gonna mention this I knew

00:57:55

a girl out here that's exactly what

00:57:56

happened as she was I met her when I was

00:57:59

dressed as Sarah this beautiful Indian

00:58:02

girl used to live in East London this

00:58:04

was about two years ago and she always

00:58:08

had these kind of like loping guys you

00:58:10

know like lope and around and she had

00:58:12

such a she was so beautiful but she had

00:58:14

such a forceful personality and she

00:58:16

would always complain to me about the

00:58:18

guys she would get and unfortunately I

00:58:19

was dressed as a woman at the time but

00:58:21

he she was she would kvetch to me you

00:58:24

know and she would say like I always get

00:58:25

these guys I feel like I have to be

00:58:26

their mother I feel like you have to you

00:58:28

know they're very indecisive they don't

00:58:30

really and I said you know what this is

00:58:32

the thing is your personality is so

00:58:34

strong you said you're like such a

00:58:36

can-do woman you're always this and that

00:58:39

and I said you might one day just as a

00:58:42

suggestion

00:58:43

fake that you can't do something even if

00:58:45

you can do just fake it

00:58:46

just I don't know how to do this boop

00:58:49

boop II do because men like that right

00:58:51

this fan does certainly this man oh well

00:58:54

I'll help you out with that what do you

00:58:55

need little you know like I help the

00:58:57

woman right we some men really like that

00:59:01

and some women really like that as well

00:59:04

so if that's the kind of man you want to

00:59:06

attract a big strong man you need to you

00:59:08

need to stop pretending that you're

00:59:09

self-sufficient you know you need to do

00:59:11

a little good would be to the

00:59:13

ptoo I asked as it turned out she ended

00:59:16

up marrying this she about a couple

00:59:18

weeks later this Indian guy came to town

00:59:20

that she never liked Indians she was an

00:59:22

Indian that didn't want to date an

00:59:23

Indian

00:59:24

there was always white guys and this

00:59:26

Indian guy came to town and they spent

00:59:29

like they just hung out for a day and

00:59:30

she said she knew that she wanted to

00:59:33

marry him and guess what she [ __ ]

00:59:35

meant she converted to Christianity from

00:59:37

Islam so converted to Christianity for

00:59:40

this Indian guy who lived in America I

00:59:44

went to her baptism actually and she

00:59:48

moved to Dallas Texas got married and

00:59:49

this this was all this all happened she

00:59:51

made this decision in a matter of days

00:59:53

and she was I would call her very soon

00:59:55

as a very spiritual person she was a

00:59:57

lovely person and hope to see her again

00:59:58

one day but anyway that's just when I

01:00:00

saw it was time to go the very least I'm

01:00:02

being honest with myself and those three

01:00:05

things came to me in an instant

01:00:07

don't you know shoot 11th of December

01:00:09

come see me

Description:

With mushy peas and all! Support me at https://www.patreon.com/willfranken And come see me show! https://leicestersquaretheatre.ticketsolve.com/shows/873581858

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