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swu

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I'm Tria like an object like a trophy

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and once they're done using that trophy

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to parade around their friends or like

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show off like oh yeah I did this with

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her it's like okay you're done bye

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that's

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it all right

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Bri Bri uh where you from originally

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where'd you grow up um I'm from Panama

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like the country not the City Central

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America yeah um I grew up there until I

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was

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16 years old no like 18 years old so how

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was your

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childhood um it was not the best um I

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had like like my parents divorced when I

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was young um I moved in with my mom and

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we didn't have like the best living

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situation um she was just very like she

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had an abusive boyfriend

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so he would like abuse her in front of

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us and I always had to like jump in and

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stop and that was pretty traumatic so

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it's pretty pretty not and your parents

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are from Panama my dad is from here well

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he's my stepdad he's from here from

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United States yeah from California okay

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and then my mom she's from pan

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yeah

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so and so aside from the divorce was

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there anything anything else any rough

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spots in your in your upbringing um she

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was very abusive towards me when I was

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young she um would hit me a lot I feel

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like she was taking it out on me

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because her boyfriend was abusive to her

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so she would like have to take it out on

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somebody so she would like she would hit

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me a lot she would say really bad things

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to me um she was also very narcissistic

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and she would like tell me and my sister

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that we always had to look perfect or be

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perfect in order for her to bring us

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around her like friends and stuff and

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when I was was young she would like I

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don't know what the word is but she

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would have like older guy friends and

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she would always bring me around and say

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look how pretty my daughter is isn't she

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so sexy and stuff and I was like a child

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and so I've been sexualized since I was

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very young by my own mother by your mom

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yeah oh so it's pretty bad what kind of

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what kind of teenager were you I was

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very good until I turned 16 like 15 16 I

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started to Rebel just because she was so

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strict um she would be like I don't know

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I decided to start rebelling so they

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sent me up to America for 6 months but

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soon as I got to America I would sneak

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out I would do drugs I would drink um so

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they sent me back to Panama and then

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when they sent me back to Panama I kept

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doing the rebellious stuff so my mom

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kicked me out the house when I was 16

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and she kicked me out with nothing like

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she basically told me take your mattress

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and your phone and go I couldn't even

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take my clothes couldn't take anything

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um I had nowhere to go so I was staying

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on my cousin's couch for a while I would

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stay like with friends sometimes but it

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was pretty like rough to like find

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somewhere to stay because everyone would

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eventually get tired and be like all

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right you have to go so um one day when

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I was 17 I met this 30-year-old guy at

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the bus stop and I was so desperate that

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I didn't have any anywhere to stay that

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I asked him like can I come stay with

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you and then I started Living and dating

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with a 30-year-old when I was 17 so that

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wasn't very good but it was what I had

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to do mhm and this was where this was

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all in Panama all in Panama yeah but you

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you had been going to the United States

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um they just sent me here for 6 months

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trying to like they're saying to like

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fix me like make me act better but I

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wasn't so they just sent me back to

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Panama how is growing up in Panama

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different than growing up in in the US

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oh it's like extreme poverty over there

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like we lived in like the

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slums basically we didn't really like my

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mom would leave us and we didn't really

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like have food for a couple days um we

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survived off like mac and cheese like

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the craft mac and cheese so you grew up

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in pretty extreme poverty yeah it was it

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was pretty bad like we didn't really

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have much but she would always paint

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this picture like everything was perfect

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everything was

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fine and it wasn't really fine so it was

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pretty hard how far did you in school um

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I graduated high school and I graduated

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college too but that so first basically

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how happened when I was

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17 um I decided I got very suicidal very

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depressed I was like okay if something

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doesn't happen I'm literally just

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wanting to die so then I applied to

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college just one college and I got

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accepted and once I it what school

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Florida state Florida State yeah so when

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I once I got accepted I was like okay

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now I have something to live for my

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grandparents had told me that they were

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going to help me pay for college um as

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soon as they sent me back here I mean

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back to Panama they cut me off

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completely I'd like to thank better help

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click on the link in the video

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description box below thank you for

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watching and now back to the video so

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now I'm in college and I have no money

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or anything and all my family cut me off

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so I had no money at all and I had to

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pay for college if I wanted to stay in

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there so I

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basically um while I was living with the

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guy there's like this like Hooters kind

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of bar but a little more

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like sexual I was still 17 um it was

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more like Hooters but strip club kind of

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Vibes so I just walked in one day with

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my last $5 and I was like hey can I work

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here and they were like yeah go change

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right now they didn't ask me for my age

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they didn't ask me for an ID nothing

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they're like go change right now and

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come back so I was like okay I went I

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came back started working it was

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horrible men would touch you men would

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like grope you you had to like get drunk

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every night with the guys and it was

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just like it wasn't very fun but it was

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what I had to do and then one day I'd

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make enough to pay rent and like put

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towards paying for my semester but not

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enough to really

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survive so I was kind of working to just

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like be able to pay for college

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so one day I'm just sitting there and I

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go on my phone and on Instagram I

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started getting thousands of requests

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someone had post my posted my picture

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and it went viral and I had just turned

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18 and I was like you know what this is

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one only fans was like really like

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blowing up and I was like you know what

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I'm going make an only fans so I decided

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to make an only fans that when I had

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just turned 18 um and that was

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life-changing in the first month I made

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$220,000 which I had never seen that

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kind of money before so I got kind of

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addicted to it like addicted to the fast

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life um and to the fast money so I would

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keep doing worse and worse things like I

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started off like pretty py then I would

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like go into lre and then I would go

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farther and far

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and I regret that so much why would you

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go farther because the guys were

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requesting it yeah because if you don't

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the money is going to like dwindle down

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and it's a DI if you do something more

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extreme yeah you'll keep making more

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money yeah so I decided to like how much

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were you making at the peak I made

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$100,000 on my best month $ 100,000

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100,000 a month yeah for a 18y old girl

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yeah I yeah I made 100,000 and I was

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making that for

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months um and I just kept but I was so

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depressed when I was doing it it was it

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was so bad I would lay in bed every day

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like how did this become my life like

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how did I end up here like the money was

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great it was amazing I could pay for

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everything I bought my car my apartment

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was able to buy anything I want but I

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wasn't happy because of what I was doing

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to make that money and I wanted to do

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more with my life but I was Stu stuck in

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this contract with a management company

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that they're basically like internet

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pimps they take a girl they say oh we're

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going to manage everything you do and

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you're going to give us a percentage so

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I had them and I was stuck in a

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year-long contract so there's no way I

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could have broken out of it um unless I

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like paid a crazy fine or something I

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don't remember how to break the contract

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what what percentage of the money were

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they were they taking um like 35 35% so

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if you're making 100,000 they get 30 of

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that 35,000 of that

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so it was it was like kind of like I was

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stuck like there's nowhere to go and I

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still wanted to and when I started

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making that money my mom came back and

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she was like oh I love you again because

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I have all this money so I was kind of

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buying her love like buying her gifts

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giving her money all the time just and

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when I wouldn't she would kind of like

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get mad so I just kept giving her more

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and more and she kind of just took

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advantage of the fact that I really

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wanted her to love me since she never

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gave me that love as a child so I

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decided to like give her more money and

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more money and it was just so depressing

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like I had no real friends all my

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friends just liked me because of what I

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could do or what I could give them um I

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really had nobody so it was really a

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lonely time in my life did

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you keep the you know so your sister was

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younger or older yeah she was younger

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she was um four years younger than me

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but she had completely cut my mom off

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completely cut me off she cut everybody

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off because of how traumatic our

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childhood was they sent her up to

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America and she just never came back

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like they were like oh she's just coming

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for a month and my grandpa parents kept

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her because they were like there's no

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way you're going back there do you speak

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with her now yeah we finally like this

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year like started to talk again she's

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kind of forgiving everything I didn't

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really do anything but just because she

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felt like I was still good with my mom

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she was like she's also a bad person but

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I just I just desperately wanted my mom

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to love me so I was willing to deal with

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everything you're also just trying to

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make money to to survive your intention

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was not to become a millionaire at 18

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yeah it was it was crazy I didn't know

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what to do I I spent a lot of it like I

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didn't know what to do with it I would

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buy like a crazy car I would buy like

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all these clothes all these luxury items

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because an 18-year-old with $100,000 a

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month is going to go crazy like they're

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not going to know how to invest it how

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to like do what they have to do with it

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but I was still paying for college and

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staying in college this whole time

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that's great yeah so so you you tell me

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what happened with only fans cuz um I

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kept going

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until everything was all over the

00:13:42

Internet and my family would see it my

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friends would see it everybody in Panama

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knew about it like Panama is a very

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small country so everybody in Panama

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knew who I was they knew what I was

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doing and every time I went out side

00:13:58

they're like oh she's that only fans

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girl that does this and this and this

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and it was just very like hard to like

00:14:06

meet people and like have genuine

00:14:08

connections because everyone just had

00:14:10

like this bad image of you and they were

00:14:13

judging you all the time so I couldn't

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really like make friends I didn't really

00:14:19

have anybody yeah so I just kept going

00:14:22

with it and then I was just so depressed

00:14:25

it was it got so bad that I was like I

00:14:28

have to stop St like this is something I

00:14:30

have to stop doing because it's going to

00:14:33

what really happened is my Instagram

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account got banned and I just never came

00:14:37

back I was like okay I'm done like this

00:14:39

is my chance to escape this is my chance

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to stop it's so hard to escape from that

00:14:43

life once you start making Fast Money

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it's like you want to keep making fast

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money that was my next question how do

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you stop making 100 Grand a month um I I

00:14:54

had enough saved up where I was like

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I'll probably be good um there's some

00:15:00

problems with actually getting the money

00:15:02

because in Panama all the banks

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blacklisted me so there was no way to

00:15:06

actually get the money so what I did was

00:15:09

I had it in a account in China and I

00:15:12

would take out cash every day from the

00:15:14

ATM so wow yeah that was bad the stigma

00:15:18

of being a sex worker in Panama is much

00:15:20

worse than they definitely yeah they but

00:15:23

but when I came to America they did the

00:15:26

same thing a couple banks did the same

00:15:29

thing when I started putting the money

00:15:30

in and they were like into an American

00:15:32

bank account so I didn't have to take it

00:15:35

out the ATM every day and they were just

00:15:39

like where did this money come from so I

00:15:41

told them and they're like we don't

00:15:43

accept that a lot of banks have that

00:15:45

where they don't accept they have like a

00:15:47

morality Clause where they don't accept

00:15:49

money like that which is still legal

00:15:51

money so I don't really understand that

00:15:52

but it's like oh you got it from posting

00:15:56

naked pictures you're done so yeah the

00:15:59

stigma of sex is still yeah a big thing

00:16:02

definely even today yeah I were you

00:16:05

raised with a religious background or

00:16:07

anything like that my family was

00:16:10

Catholic but they didn't do anything

00:16:13

that Catholics they were alcoholics they

00:16:16

all do do terrible things so it really

00:16:19

wasn't a religious no thing for you it

00:16:22

was really just the shame of yeah doing

00:16:24

something that you didn't feel good

00:16:26

about and everyone just knowing

00:16:29

everyone just knowing like when I came

00:16:31

up here even when I went to college

00:16:33

everyone knew everyone finds out even to

00:16:36

this day I sto this I'm 22 now um I st

00:16:39

this when I was 20 years

00:16:41

old and it's still following me to this

00:16:45

day anywhere I go everyone will always

00:16:47

find out um no matter what like there's

00:16:50

not a single person that I meet that

00:16:52

doesn't find out somehow they're like

00:16:55

cool at the beginning and they like me

00:16:57

and I have friends and then it's as soon

00:16:58

as they find out they're like is this oh

00:17:00

is this because you're on only fans or

00:17:02

because people take your videos or

00:17:05

photos from only fans and they'll post

00:17:07

them somewhere else I think they just

00:17:09

don't they just judge me off the fact

00:17:11

that I did that no but how do they know

00:17:13

you did that um well since it's all over

00:17:16

the Internet so so that was my question

00:17:18

so it's all over the internet not not

00:17:20

all over only fans but also on other

00:17:22

platforms yeah like other websites on

00:17:25

Google everywhere it's everywhere really

00:17:27

yeah I can't do anything anything like I

00:17:30

have people that try to take it down but

00:17:32

there's just so much of it that you

00:17:33

can't get rid of all of it how does this

00:17:35

make you

00:17:37

feel it's crazy that something I did

00:17:40

that I was so dumb and naive and young I

00:17:44

was only 18 years old like I was

00:17:47

desperate I had no way to survive and I

00:17:50

really wanted to pay for college and now

00:17:52

it's going to follow me for the rest of

00:17:54

my life like I'm stuck with that for the

00:17:57

rest of my life

00:17:59

so now I'm trying to kind of like

00:18:01

Rebrand myself and like um I still have

00:18:04

some of the money like I spent a lot of

00:18:07

it um but you're 18 yeah you 18-year old

00:18:11

$100,000 what what do you think they're

00:18:13

going to do yeah I have like 20% how

00:18:17

much is it like 2 million I have like

00:18:20

30% of it left so that I have in

00:18:22

Investments and stuff and I still um I

00:18:25

want to go to law school and become a

00:18:27

lawyer good for you yeah so I'm trying

00:18:29

to like save that money up and build it

00:18:32

so starting a business like I really

00:18:35

want to like do better things with my

00:18:37

life um that's great yeah I'm I want to

00:18:40

go to just as an outsider hearing your

00:18:43

story you didn't do anything terrible

00:18:46

yeah you didn't do something that's like

00:18:48

but it just feel evil and all that it's

00:18:50

just like you're just a young girl

00:18:51

trying to make some money you're

00:18:52

certainly beautiful and I'm sure every

00:18:55

Hustler you come across is going to

00:18:56

steer you towards something like that

00:18:59

yeah and sometimes it no one's going to

00:19:01

help no one's going to be helping you

00:19:02

trying to get into law school yeah so

00:19:06

it's admirable that you've done that on

00:19:07

your own yeah it's very hard because

00:19:09

it's still so tempting to go back even

00:19:12

after all the regret just the fast life

00:19:16

is just so tempting to go back to that

00:19:20

so yeah that's really hard you got to

00:19:22

remember the

00:19:24

emotional toll that you pay for that

00:19:27

though that it took on me and um now on

00:19:31

Instagram I have all these followers but

00:19:33

they all know me because of that um I

00:19:37

hang out with very important people

00:19:39

sometimes and they all just know about

00:19:41

it and it's it's crazy are you able to

00:19:45

forgive yourself cuz I I mean to me it's

00:19:47

not that horrible what you

00:19:49

did um and even if it was it was just

00:19:52

like you know you're not murdering

00:19:55

anybody you're not really doing anything

00:19:56

that terrible but if if you if you have

00:19:58

this terrible shame and guilt yeah then

00:20:01

you're that's almost worse than whatever

00:20:03

you've

00:20:04

done yeah it's just hard I also have

00:20:07

like mental health issues so that also

00:20:11

really affected me like I just I it

00:20:15

really like I think about it every day

00:20:17

did you have those problems before no

00:20:19

you ever started No I um I I have

00:20:24

bipolar disorder and that started when

00:20:27

so bipolar is sort of the way it works

00:20:29

is it doesn't start like presenting

00:20:32

itself until you're like 20 so when I

00:20:36

stopped I got I started becoming Manic

00:20:40

and having episodes and I would do

00:20:42

really crazy things like really

00:20:45

dangerous things um spend a lot of money

00:20:48

that's why I spent most of my money from

00:20:49

only fans like now I don't really have

00:20:53

that backup plan because I did all of

00:20:58

those things when I was young and also

00:20:59

because of my issues so it's just a lot

00:21:03

on me like I have that behind me I have

00:21:06

my mental health issues I have my Trauma

00:21:08

from my childhood like my mom it's just

00:21:12

a lot of things that affect me every day

00:21:16

do you have friends now I have like two

00:21:19

close friends that's all you need yeah

00:21:22

um they kind of accept me for who I am

00:21:25

and they don't care about what people

00:21:27

say or when people are like why why are

00:21:30

you friends with her like she did this

00:21:33

like they do see it even if it's not

00:21:35

understand do see it it's that bad but

00:21:37

you have to understand how many people

00:21:39

are so uptight about sex yeah like um

00:21:42

especially when you profit off of it

00:21:45

they're fine with sex they're fine with

00:21:48

seeing all these things but when you're

00:21:50

profiting off of it they're like oh

00:21:52

like why are you doing that you're

00:21:54

a terrible person like how your parents

00:21:57

don't love you like all these crazy

00:21:58

things and I hear that every day on the

00:22:00

internet and it's like a lot to hear

00:22:04

every day yeah but but you have to

00:22:06

factor in the fact that you're very

00:22:08

attractive so you're going to get extra

00:22:10

envy and hate just because of that and

00:22:13

then oh you're

00:22:14

you're doing sex work and so that just

00:22:17

means you're a horrible person which is

00:22:19

not yeah especially girls girls are very

00:22:22

judgmental towards me I have literally

00:22:24

no girlfriends because they meet me

00:22:28

they're like already like uh like they

00:22:31

don't really like me and then especially

00:22:33

when they see all the attention that I

00:22:35

get they're like oh no like you're cut

00:22:37

off so you're a threat yeah I definitely

00:22:39

don't have any girlfriends they don't

00:22:41

like

00:22:42

me so that's pretty hard cuz I really

00:22:45

just want some friends that I could like

00:22:47

go out to dinner with or like do these

00:22:49

things with right now the only way I

00:22:51

like go out and do fun things is when

00:22:54

it's a guy trying to like get with me

00:22:57

basically like it's just a guy that

00:22:59

wants to even when you think he's a good

00:23:02

guy and he's just meeting you and he

00:23:04

wants to get to know you it always ends

00:23:06

up just being like they want to have sex

00:23:08

with you because they see that on the

00:23:10

internet and they're like this is all

00:23:12

she is worth like and there's way more

00:23:15

to me than that I have like I have

00:23:18

values I am an investor I'm smart I'm

00:23:21

starting a business like I own

00:23:23

properties like there's a lot more to me

00:23:26

but they just see that so and they don't

00:23:28

care to learn more yeah women that have

00:23:33

like accomplishments that look like you

00:23:35

do I think have it hardest because you

00:23:38

you get every guy every female and male

00:23:41

will will see you a certain way yeah and

00:23:44

if you were if you were less attractive

00:23:46

it'd be much easier for you it's very

00:23:48

lonely for sure i' I hate saying that

00:23:51

because I have a lot of like self-esteem

00:23:54

issues but I do think if I wasn't pretty

00:23:58

that I would have more friends and I

00:24:00

don't know I just sometimes wish that I

00:24:03

just wasn't pretty yeah I understand

00:24:05

it's kind of hard because I'm like okay

00:24:08

girls don't like me guys just want to

00:24:10

have sex with

00:24:11

me I have nobody basically I have nobody

00:24:15

I one gay best friend and then one sort

00:24:17

of girl friend but she's kind of not my

00:24:20

friend and that's it so and and the and

00:24:23

the the tragedy of this another part of

00:24:26

it that sucks is like so you're

00:24:28

wearing uh what some people would call a

00:24:31

sexy outfit yeah you could be wearing a

00:24:33

potato sack but who wants to wear a

00:24:35

potato sack yeah you know you're you're

00:24:38

young and beautiful you should allow you

00:24:39

know you should be free to do that

00:24:41

but by doing that you're you're going to

00:24:44

get more of the Judgment more of the

00:24:45

hate more of the Envy yeah it's a shame

00:24:48

it is like it's very hard I like to

00:24:50

dress a certain way and they see me as

00:24:53

like a but another girl could wear

00:24:55

the same exact thing or post the same

00:24:57

exact picture and no one will say

00:24:59

anything yeah because I'm just seen that

00:25:02

way automatically especially when they

00:25:04

find out what I do or what I did what

00:25:07

you did yeah what did you learn about

00:25:09

men from that experience I don't trust

00:25:11

men at all at all like every man I'm I

00:25:16

have such bad like anxiety and trust

00:25:19

issues and I just can't trust anybody I

00:25:22

don't trust women I don't trust men I I

00:25:24

don't trust my family because how can I

00:25:27

trust when the people who I was supposed

00:25:29

to trust like my parents couldn't even

00:25:32

give me love like how am I supposed to

00:25:34

know what love is when the people that

00:25:36

are supposed to be there for you weren't

00:25:38

there for you

00:25:41

so there's no way that I could trust

00:25:43

anybody it's I have gone to 10 years of

00:25:46

therapy and I still have the same

00:25:49

problem right now like there's really so

00:25:53

much going on in my head I think a lot

00:25:56

of very attractive females especially

00:25:58

much more than

00:26:00

males and whether they're sex workers or

00:26:02

not probably have similar stories about

00:26:05

inability to make quality

00:26:08

friends inability to get treated like a

00:26:11

real person the treatment you get from

00:26:13

men it's it's I'm Tre like an object

00:26:15

like a trophy and once they're done

00:26:17

using that trophy to parade around their

00:26:20

friends or like show off like oh yeah I

00:26:22

did this with her it's like okay you're

00:26:24

done bye that's it so I'm so used to

00:26:27

that that I think every man is like that

00:26:30

there's I always wonder if I'll ever get

00:26:32

married or have a serious relationship

00:26:35

because after 3 months they're like all

00:26:38

right like enough of you move on I think

00:26:42

I think I mean sounds like you're

00:26:43

intelligent as well you need to use the

00:26:46

your intelligence to screen

00:26:49

out the good from the bad I've tried but

00:26:53

it always ends up like it's bad right

00:26:58

so I try to give people chances but as

00:27:02

soon as I do I have this wall up as soon

00:27:06

as I slightly let the wall down they

00:27:09

show me why I should never let the wall

00:27:11

down and I just so gotten so used to

00:27:14

being hurt by everybody that it's like

00:27:16

that's what I expect now like have you

00:27:18

have you ever had a good relationship

00:27:20

with a man no never never not even like

00:27:24

not even just like a friendship or like

00:27:26

my parents or like my family members

00:27:28

nobody no man has ever treated me with

00:27:32

respect or love

00:27:34

so I don't know what love is and I don't

00:27:37

know if I'll ever know what love is and

00:27:40

this is all even without the only fans

00:27:43

stuff but the only fans stuff on top of

00:27:46

that yeah only fans is like pouring

00:27:47

gasoline on a fire yeah it was already a

00:27:49

problem before only fans yeah yeah for

00:27:52

sure and now it's just like but I feel

00:27:55

like I was I didn't see it that bad at

00:27:58

the time when I was sexualizing myself

00:28:01

on the internet because since I was

00:28:03

little my mom was doing it so I kind of

00:28:05

thought it was normal so when I started

00:28:08

I didn't see it as that bad but now that

00:28:11

I'm older and more mature and all this

00:28:13

stuff has happened I look back and it's

00:28:17

like like wow why did you do that yeah

00:28:20

no I don't I don't want to steer you in

00:28:22

the wrong direction but it's got to be

00:28:24

tempting to think about how much money

00:28:26

you could be making for the

00:28:28

next that's why it's so temp I think

00:28:31

about it every day like I'm like so it

00:28:34

takes a a very strong person to turn

00:28:36

that down yeah I think about every day

00:28:38

I'm life because every time you want

00:28:40

to take a trip or or buy a car or or

00:28:44

find a nicer place to live you know

00:28:46

there's a way that you

00:28:48

could and get that with bipolar and your

00:28:51

manic episodes the main thing is

00:28:53

spending money so when I have those

00:28:55

episodes I go crazy like I'll spend

00:28:58

10,000 20,000 a week of what I have

00:29:01

saved up like it's insane so your

00:29:05

restraint is admirable yeah it's pretty

00:29:08

impressive cuz I think 99% of women in

00:29:11

your shoes would would go back would

00:29:14

give in it's it's really hard and then

00:29:16

and then the solution to the Depression

00:29:19

was just like drugs or alcohol yeah for

00:29:22

sure like I would just turn to that to

00:29:24

escape you would do that as well yeah I

00:29:26

would I would I had really bad alcohol

00:29:30

problems where I would just black out

00:29:31

every day just to kind of forget it was

00:29:34

like the solution to all my problems

00:29:36

like okay anxiety like everyone judging

00:29:40

you all this stuff and people actually

00:29:42

liked me more when I was blackout drunk

00:29:45

like people I had a lot of friends like

00:29:47

party friends when we were all like

00:29:50

doing bad things together like then they

00:29:53

liked me but as soon as I tried to like

00:29:55

clean my life up and like turned to a

00:29:57

better side then they're like oh no like

00:30:00

we hate you now like they're like okay

00:30:03

we're done with you but yeah I

00:30:05

definitely had my like my phase where I

00:30:08

would black out every day um go crazy do

00:30:11

drugs it was it was pretty crazy are you

00:30:14

doing better now yeah I can't drink

00:30:17

because of the medicine that I'm on for

00:30:19

the bipolar that's good so I can't drink

00:30:22

but sometimes I do feel like it would

00:30:26

just be easy if I just was doing drugs

00:30:29

or alcohol like it would just be better

00:30:32

no it wouldn't but I know it's an Escape

00:30:36

that is not good but is an escape and

00:30:38

that's all you really want to do we're

00:30:40

all just trying to like escape from

00:30:42

reality and that's a that's a good

00:30:44

Escape but I but I I think it's super

00:30:46

important for you to have people that

00:30:47

are that understand your dilemma yeah

00:30:50

and are

00:30:51

supportive yeah because it takes a lot

00:30:54

of strength for you to walk this tight

00:30:58

tight rope yeah of not giving into the

00:31:02

temptation to just make another million

00:31:04

or two every year yeah CU you could be

00:31:07

making a lot more than one or two

00:31:08

million I know and I see all these girls

00:31:11

I that on Instagram that are doing it

00:31:14

and they're like making milons like love

00:31:17

it it's amazing and I'm like so tempting

00:31:19

to go back

00:31:21

but I'm like should I should I not but I

00:31:25

really don't I don't want you should not

00:31:27

yeah trust me yeah it's there's

00:31:30

there's there's a better life for you

00:31:32

than than that yeah I can guarantee you

00:31:34

that cuz I want to like do all the

00:31:37

business stuff and like law school and

00:31:39

stuff I really want to like be able to

00:31:43

do that I think if I were to go back to

00:31:45

that there's no way any law firm would

00:31:48

hire me like maybe if it was like so

00:31:51

long ago you know what I I I think the

00:31:54

the world is changing and technology is

00:31:56

changing and

00:31:57

the

00:31:58

Working World is is so many things are

00:32:00

changing quickly yeah by the time you're

00:32:03

like let's say you went to law school or

00:32:04

did something similar to that yeah by

00:32:06

the time you're ready to like join the

00:32:09

the you know the world again in terms of

00:32:11

doing being a lawyer or whatever you're

00:32:13

going to have some opportunity to do

00:32:15

something that where that isn't going to

00:32:16

be a problem I just hope so like I want

00:32:19

to start my own Law Firm that's my goal

00:32:21

yeah I mean do it do it yourself and

00:32:23

just start my own Law Firm it's almost

00:32:25

like just you have to forgive yourself

00:32:26

completely

00:32:28

forgive yourself completely understand

00:32:30

the negative treatment you get from

00:32:33

women and and men and if you see through

00:32:36

all that

00:32:37

it'll be easier for you to

00:32:39

forgive yourself it'll EAS easier it'll

00:32:41

be easier for you to love yourself and

00:32:43

do something great in the world that

00:32:44

makes you happy makes you proud for sure

00:32:47

cuz you haven't done anything really

00:32:49

that you're proud of yeah you know um

00:32:52

the most proud I've been is that I

00:32:54

graduated college that insane to me

00:32:56

great no that's something proud of there

00:32:57

you go yeah the graduating college

00:33:00

because everyone thought oh she's going

00:33:01

to get pregnant at 17 oh she's going to

00:33:03

do this oh she's going to do that she's

00:33:05

going to like have a terrible life

00:33:07

because of what she did and I kind of

00:33:09

prove them wrong every time they're like

00:33:11

she can't graduate college so I did um

00:33:13

she can't start anything productive so

00:33:16

I'm starting businesses like I have

00:33:19

Investments and properties like I have

00:33:22

all these things that they said that I

00:33:24

would never be able to do so it's like

00:33:27

there is more to me you guys just don't

00:33:29

know like there's way more to me than

00:33:32

just what is on the screen um I believe

00:33:36

it yeah they definitely just see this

00:33:39

Persona and they're like that's who she

00:33:43

is but once you get to know me you're

00:33:44

like okay that's not who she is but no

00:33:47

one has really taken the time or an

00:33:49

effort to get to know me do do you still

00:33:51

have hope that there is somebody male or

00:33:53

female friends or or romantic partners

00:33:56

that that

00:33:57

can see the real you and get past all

00:33:59

that

00:34:00

crap maybe I'll like one day I will I'm

00:34:05

telling you there is I'm just find

00:34:07

somebody get married have kids like be

00:34:11

able to grow together I just have to

00:34:13

find that person because my last

00:34:16

relationship it was an abusive

00:34:17

relationship anyways so it wasn't going

00:34:19

to work out anyways but he always said

00:34:21

he accepted me for that so that's why I

00:34:23

truly felt like I had to be with him

00:34:26

even if you were you helping him with

00:34:28

money no but he was abusive um and I

00:34:32

kind of felt like I had to be with him

00:34:34

cuz no one else was going to love me

00:34:36

because of what I did so um he would

00:34:40

kind of insinuate that and then he would

00:34:42

say like oh I accept you though like for

00:34:45

who you are and like love everything

00:34:47

about you and then when he got really

00:34:50

mad one day he like started doing very

00:34:54

abusive things and then he was like

00:34:56

you're you sold your soul like all

00:34:59

these horrible things he was saying and

00:35:01

feeling like you could finally trust

00:35:03

someone and then them saying all those

00:35:05

horrible things and like doing all those

00:35:07

bad things you're like oh so you

00:35:10

pretended that whole time and I really

00:35:13

trusted you and loved you and now you're

00:35:16

over here saying that I'm a dirty

00:35:19

that sold her soul I don't think I sold

00:35:21

my soul I just think I was young and

00:35:25

dumb didn't know what to do and I was

00:35:28

desperate to survive that's it I wasn't

00:35:31

doing this because I thought it was a

00:35:33

great fantastic idea that everyone was

00:35:35

going to um see me naked I just really

00:35:39

needed to survive and that was the

00:35:40

quickest way it's either that or drugs

00:35:43

or selling drugs so I was like that

00:35:46

those are the two things that make the

00:35:48

fastest money is drug dealers

00:35:51

and um I don't know what the word is sex

00:35:53

workers sex workers yeah yeah I was

00:35:55

going to say horse but that's bad you're

00:35:58

not a hor sex workers yeah and so it

00:36:02

makes fast money but it's addictive and

00:36:05

it's not good it's not good money did

00:36:07

you ever feel good about it like when

00:36:09

you when you would get it your at the oh

00:36:12

my gosh it felt amazing it felt like a

00:36:14

drug it was like I have all this money I

00:36:17

can like basically do whatever I want

00:36:19

like it was like I could take trips I

00:36:22

could do this I it keeps growing right

00:36:24

yeah like it was just it was so crazy I

00:36:26

would refresh my screen every day have

00:36:29

like days I would make $5,000 in a day

00:36:32

and I was like this is crazy like I love

00:36:35

it and then when people started treating

00:36:37

me different my parents found out my um

00:36:40

my whole family my friends everybody

00:36:43

found out um that's when it really got

00:36:46

bad I was like why did I do that now now

00:36:49

no one likes me so and everyone brings

00:36:52

it up at some point like oh but you did

00:36:55

that so you can't really be mad about it

00:36:57

like you did that to yourself and I'm

00:37:00

like I know but it's not something that

00:37:03

I

00:37:04

really was expecting for it to get this

00:37:07

out of hand like I thought it was just

00:37:11

some way to make fast money and I was

00:37:14

too deep into it so I had to like pull

00:37:17

myself out and save

00:37:20

myself it was crazy yeah it was crazy

00:37:24

your your story is very interesting yeah

00:37:26

I mean I think I I bet you it's a common

00:37:30

story that a lot of very attractive

00:37:32

women will have yeah I always say if I

00:37:34

could give advice to my younger self or

00:37:36

to any girl that's thinking about it

00:37:39

it's like think about all the things that

00:37:42

come with it yes is a quick way to make

00:37:46

money but think not even just only fans

00:37:48

but like doing other things sex work

00:37:51

types like think about how it's going to

00:37:53

affect you in the future mentally like

00:37:55

emotionally like with your friends and

00:37:57

family like people close to you think

00:38:00

about all that stuff don't just like

00:38:02

jump into it cuz it looks like an

00:38:03

amazing fun idea because on the internet

00:38:06

they make it seem so great and amazing

00:38:08

but it's really not what they portray it

00:38:11

to be so no but so so many people are

00:38:14

just so tempted by the F the big money

00:38:18

yeah very

00:38:21

few young people especially will have

00:38:24

the the morals to to resist that and and

00:38:28

take a different path yeah so it's very

00:38:30

admirable admirable that you're doing

00:38:32

that yeah I would definitely maybe I'd

00:38:34

start like a a podcast or something

00:38:37

where I start talking about that stuff

00:38:39

so maybe more girls will see it and be

00:38:41

like okay like this is not something I

00:38:44

want to do I'm just saying really think

00:38:48

about it before you jump into something

00:38:50

like that it's going to change your life

00:38:52

and it could change your life in a

00:38:54

really bad way you being very attractive

00:38:56

you get a lot of hate yeah and it's like

00:38:59

I I think that's a super interesting

00:39:01

conversation to have cuz like you didn't

00:39:04

you didn't you didn't do anything to

00:39:05

cause that you you're not asking for it

00:39:08

this is just the way you were born yeah

00:39:10

maybe you have Lip lip gloss on and

00:39:12

maybe you're wearing a sexy top but it's

00:39:16

just that's your right to do that as a

00:39:19

as a woman yeah um definitely people

00:39:23

judge me more think I'm dumb think that

00:39:26

I don't deserve respect just because of

00:39:29

the way I look or the way I dress I'm

00:39:32

like there's so much more to me than

00:39:34

just my looks that's what I mean why I

00:39:36

was saying like guys just kind of use me

00:39:38

as a trophy right but but but if you can

00:39:40

imagine yourself looking the way you do

00:39:43

and develop your intellect and your

00:39:47

strength yeah whether it's law school or

00:39:49

something else yeah and just make

00:39:52

yourself so incredible so

00:39:54

strong that's what I always so focused

00:39:57

yeah you'll Crush any man any female

00:40:00

you'll run circles around him and and

00:40:01

you you'll be you'll be an impressive

00:40:04

Force to to to deal with I always dream

00:40:08

I can see that for you especially when

00:40:09

people do things like that to me or say

00:40:11

things like that to me I'm like one day

00:40:14

they're really going to see me and how

00:40:16

all the great things I'm going to do and

00:40:18

they're going to be like oh like

00:40:21

why did I treat her that way that's not

00:40:23

the way like you should do it for

00:40:25

yourself but I sometimes think about

00:40:27

that too no I mean using

00:40:29

negative yeah experiences like that as

00:40:32

fuel for motivate yourself to do

00:40:35

something great is is there nothing

00:40:37

wrong with that yeah that's what I've

00:40:38

done my whole life yeah definitely

00:40:41

especially because they think I can't do

00:40:42

it that makes me even that's how Michael

00:40:44

Jordan became the best basketball player

00:40:46

in the history of basketball he's the

00:40:48

angriest basketball player ever you saw

00:40:49

his Hol of famic acceptance speech oh

00:40:53

wow so I think I I think you have

00:40:55

tremendous potential and I think you

00:40:57

could do something like that if you just

00:40:59

put your mind to it I hope so and don't

00:41:01

and don't just rely on your your looks I

00:41:03

pray about it every day I pray about

00:41:06

that every day so it hurts I pray and I

00:41:09

ask God like why like why this like why

00:41:13

me but then at the same time I'm very

00:41:15

grateful for everything he has done for

00:41:17

me so on one side I'm like why did this

00:41:22

happen to me on the other side I'm like

00:41:24

okay but look how strong this has made

00:41:26

me and all the lessons it's taught me

00:41:29

and now things I could teach other

00:41:31

people yeah so you you've been giving

00:41:33

this you you've been given this

00:41:36

responsibility and you need to like

00:41:37

accept it

00:41:39

and do something with it yeah rather

00:41:42

than just being a empty shell that's

00:41:44

really beautiful yeah yeah I want to

00:41:47

show the world that there's more to me

00:41:50

and even now like some people watch this

00:41:53

and still think like oh but she they'll

00:41:55

still hate you yeah those they still

00:41:57

like it'll be in the comments all the

00:41:59

all the envious haters that wish they

00:42:01

look like you and oh this this stuck up

00:42:04

this this spoiled little brat or

00:42:06

this whatever yeah are ungrateful like

00:42:08

because of all the money like I am

00:42:11

grateful for it because of all the

00:42:13

things I could do with it like all the

00:42:16

things I did with it but at the same

00:42:17

time it's like a blessing and a curse

00:42:19

like the curse part is like everyone now

00:42:22

knows all these things about you

00:42:24

everyone has seen you naked you made

00:42:26

mistake a lot of people make mistakes

00:42:28

yeah doesn't mean you're a bad person

00:42:30

yeah I'm not a bad person at all I

00:42:32

probably have one of the purest Hearts I

00:42:35

know I'm so caring towards everyone I

00:42:37

want the best for everyone I just wish

00:42:39

one day I could get that back like I'm

00:42:42

sure you can yeah I'm sure you will

00:42:44

that's that's all I really want that's

00:42:46

all I really pray for is getting that

00:42:48

love and kindness and peace back that's

00:42:51

all I want is peace and love I don't

00:42:53

know what love is I don't really have

00:42:57

never had a peaceful life so it's like

00:43:00

when is it going to be my turn to

00:43:01

finally experience

00:43:03

that so when you when you encounter a

00:43:06

guy like if you take your dog for a walk

00:43:09

and

00:43:10

you yeah do you wear a hat and

00:43:12

sunglasses just to kind

00:43:13

of so I don't but it's very like

00:43:17

nerve-wracking when I'm passing

00:43:19

especially by like a group of guys I get

00:43:21

very nervous and scared because I

00:43:23

already know what's coming like they're

00:43:24

going to start saying

00:43:27

sexual things or like I said they don't

00:43:29

think you're a person they don't see

00:43:32

that you are not just a sexual object

00:43:34

they see a pretty girl and they're like

00:43:36

or a sexy girl because pretty and sexy

00:43:38

are different so they just see like a

00:43:41

more sexy girl and they're like oh my

00:43:44

gosh like I want to have sex with her

00:43:46

and I could say all these nasty things

00:43:47

to her it happens in person it happens

00:43:49

on the internet everything like everyone

00:43:52

just doesn't grasp the concept that

00:43:54

you're an actual living person with

00:43:57

feelings they just think you're an

00:43:59

object and it's not the way to view a

00:44:01

human being and people will hear that

00:44:03

from you and be like oh this this stupid

00:44:05

yeah yeah it's hard because they

00:44:08

don't really understand like how hard it

00:44:11

is to not be able to leave your house

00:44:12

without someone sexualizing you no

00:44:15

matter what I wear actually someone will

00:44:17

still say something to me every time or

00:44:21

girls don't want me around their

00:44:23

boyfriends because they know that their

00:44:25

boyfriends are going to look at me or

00:44:27

I'll be walking down the street and

00:44:29

girls will like turn their boyfriend the

00:44:32

other way I'm like I don't want your man

00:44:34

like I

00:44:35

promise so yeah it's pretty hard and

00:44:38

then the reaction you get from women is

00:44:40

probably just as bad right yeah women

00:44:43

they pretend to be my friend for a

00:44:45

little bit and then I find out that

00:44:47

they're talking behind my back all the

00:44:49

terrible rumors that have started about

00:44:51

me because they spread everywhere I've

00:44:53

been called all kinds of crazy things

00:44:56

and like horrible comments and it's

00:44:58

usually women who start those like

00:45:01

rumors and stuff especially like bad

00:45:04

ones they'll be like oh she did this she

00:45:06

has a million sugar daddies like no I

00:45:08

don't you do feel like no one sees you

00:45:11

yeah I feel like no one sees the real

00:45:13

you yeah I definitely feel like no one

00:45:16

has had the chance to actually talk to

00:45:18

me immediately because they see you as a

00:45:21

threat or a sexual object yeah either

00:45:24

it's women and men so I get both sides

00:45:27

so I don't have anybody are are you

00:45:29

lonely it must be a lonely life right

00:45:31

yeah it is lonely it is very lonely I

00:45:34

like I said I only have one gay best

00:45:36

friend he's the only one that I can

00:45:39

really say like is truly my friend and

00:45:42

it's because he's not envious because he

00:45:45

doesn't think I'm going to steal his man

00:45:48

or something like and he's not

00:45:52

sexualizing me because he's not

00:45:54

attractive that's great that you have

00:45:55

someone do have someone that is shout

00:45:57

out to him because he he really whenever

00:46:01

I have any issue or like I'm really

00:46:03

depressed or like I really need help I

00:46:05

can call him and I know he'll be there

00:46:07

that's wonderful yeah but I wish I had

00:46:10

more of that like I really wish that

00:46:13

there's more people that would just know

00:46:14

me and like treat me like a human being

00:46:17

and not like this fasy like I'm a human

00:46:22

not just something that you want to have

00:46:24

sex with so yeah no your your challenge

00:46:29

is you're going to have a big challenge

00:46:31

ahead of you yeah that's why I want to

00:46:33

like do bigger things so it's like I do

00:46:37

more more with my life than just that

00:46:39

especially when it comes down

00:46:42

to

00:46:43

very like I've had even celebrities like

00:46:47

sexualize me and they they pre on me

00:46:51

because I was so young I was 1920 when I

00:46:53

would meet some of these 40-year-old

00:46:55

like men can't say who they were but

00:46:58

they were like sexualizing me and

00:47:00

wanting to do all these things with me

00:47:02

and taking advantage of me just because

00:47:04

of the way I looked and how young and

00:47:06

dumb I was so can't trust

00:47:10

anybody one day and you're not you're

00:47:11

not going to be able to be dumb yeah

00:47:14

looking the way you do yeah you'll just

00:47:16

get taken advantage you have yeah you

00:47:18

have to be very strong and smart and

00:47:20

aware I think that's your responsibility

00:47:22

is to figure out get your intuition and

00:47:25

just your intelligence up so you you can

00:47:27

see through what everyone is doing yeah

00:47:31

yeah cuz you you have a different

00:47:32

challenge than most most women do yeah

00:47:35

and it's hard to understand if you're

00:47:37

not experiencing it cuz some people are

00:47:40

going to watch this and be like oh she's

00:47:42

so she's so stuck

00:47:44

up oh she's complaining about being too

00:47:47

pretty look at that but they don't

00:47:49

really see like how lonely and bad it

00:47:53

can actually get so yeah it's pretty

00:47:56

it's pretty difficult yeah

00:47:59

yeah all right Bri thank you so much for

00:48:01

sharing your story I wish you all the

00:48:04

luck in the world I hope you do great

00:48:06

things with your life thank you all

00:48:08

right thank you very

00:48:24

much

00:48:35

I

Description:

Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Bri, a young woman in Miami, Florida. If you're struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor BetterHelp. Click https://betterhelp.com/softwhiteunderbelly for a 10% discount on your first month of therapy with a licensed professional specific to your needs. For ad-free, uncensored videos and plenty of exclusive content please subscribe to the Soft White Underbelly subscription channel at softwhiteunderbelly.com. It's $10 a month and watchable on Apple and Android mobile apps, Roku TV, Apple TV and Amazon Fire. Here's how to purchase the Soft White Underbelly book: https://softwhiteunderbelly.org/

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