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Download "Фельетон «Не понимаю - 2019» - Е.Петросян"

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  • ruRussian
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00:00:00
[applause]
00:00:19
Thank you, in my repertoire there were
00:00:22
feuilletons
00:00:24
that had series for many years. For
00:00:29
example, I don’t
00:00:30
understand, there were 15 episodes,
00:00:35
first our Great humorist Arkady Khait
00:00:39
wrote these fits for me, then Mikhail
00:00:41
Zadornov, also a Great humorist and
00:00:44
many, many other authors, I
00:00:48
recently leafed through the book of my repertoire they released
00:00:52
two volumes on what
00:00:54
sme and
00:00:58
pere Nima thought I would have to
00:01:02
try it, I read it 10-12 years ago
00:01:06
and it somehow flashed by unnoticed and I
00:01:10
moved on, I keep moving on all the
00:01:13
time, I always want to
00:01:15
present something new to the viewer, something new - then surprise now
00:01:19
this feuilleton with pleasure I
00:01:27
will read to you How many years have passed
00:01:30
since I read this feuilleton I don’t understand and I
00:01:34
still don’t
00:01:36
understand there are so many incomprehensible things in life with
00:01:40
prices, for example, but it’s not clear what’s
00:01:43
happening now a bunch of green onions
00:01:46
costs so much that it’s not a shame to come with them
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on a date with a
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girl, the hall to the pharmacy looked at the
00:01:58
place to
00:02:00
die, left them on the way, went to the
00:02:04
funeral service bureau, looked at the
00:02:07
price there, ran back to the
00:02:11
[music]
00:02:15
pharmacy, I don’t understand modern children, no,
00:02:19
I understand parents who first teach a
00:02:23
child to walk, talk, and when they teach them
00:02:28
they try force me to sit and
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shut up Because mine recently
00:02:35
completely
00:02:36
stunned me Dad, but you know why the
00:02:39
butt is divided vertically and not
00:02:43
horizontally, you don’t know, but I know And so that the person does
00:02:47
n’t come running
00:02:53
[applause]
00:02:58
clapping,
00:03:00
And now the first grader tells
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the teacher Mar
00:03:11
Petrovna another
00:03:16
deuce and Let's meet at the European Court
00:03:20
of Human Rights
00:03:30
this is still no one can understand whether
00:03:33
this is good or bad The teacher told the
00:03:36
students whoever passes the Unified State Exam with a C and
00:03:39
a B will go to heaven Whoever with a D or C
00:03:43
will go to hell the students asked
00:03:46
Maria Petrovna Is it possible to finish
00:03:48
school
00:03:52
[ applause]
00:03:54
we all wanted to be alive as children, now I
00:04:00
asked the boy who you want
00:04:02
to be a
00:04:04
freak Why a freak Well, they still say
00:04:08
Look what a cool car that
00:04:12
freak has now children don’t think like children,
00:04:15
this is wrong, a person must have
00:04:19
a childhood, he must go through it
00:04:22
through this you can’t become an
00:04:25
adult right away my friend read at night my
00:04:28
dady his
00:04:30
blanket ran away flew away Pronya and the pillow
00:04:34
jumped away from me like a frog the fellow
00:04:37
asked Dad tell me honestly you
00:04:44
smoked grocery stores it’s also not clear how
00:04:47
to navigate it’s not clear what kind of fish is
00:04:49
colored what kind of
00:04:51
edible fish is what kind of yoghurt is food what is a
00:04:55
technical culinary benefit new products
00:04:59
Make a joke for the Day of Agricultural Workers
00:05:03
that
00:05:05
genetically modified products
00:05:07
have prepared a big festive
00:05:12
concert My head is spinning recently on one
00:05:15
price tag I read the essence of the GK I couldn’t believe my eyes
00:05:22
Well, I understand k - this means hot
00:05:26
smoking I think until then
00:05:32
I think I’ll have to try it Otherwise you’ll die
00:05:34
you’ll never know what it is. I’m a saleswoman
00:05:37
telling a girl, can you cut me a pine tree
00:05:40
gram 100 She answers me so angrily pine
00:05:44
GK Galina Konstantinovna this
00:05:49
[applause]
00:05:58
then I don’t need to
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cut it, I don’t understand who
00:06:06
our
00:06:07
alcoholics are, why drink
00:06:10
champagne vodka cognac beer at the same time if you want to
00:06:14
pour it in, it’s not harmful. But the water
00:06:19
we pour into the kettle must be
00:06:22
filtered, otherwise you can
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ruin your
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stomach,
00:06:29
and I’ll say this: vodka during the hunt, by
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the way, saved more animals than all of
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Greenpeace
00:06:39
combined, so he
00:06:43
knows, a drunk man came home late
00:06:47
at night, but didn’t understand the fact that he
00:06:51
opens the refrigerator at home and asks Chief, will you take it
00:06:54
to Gogol 2
00:06:58
no Well, to hell with
00:07:01
you, the fridge is broken, and so on all night
00:07:05
Chief, you’ll take it to Gogol 2,
00:07:09
no,
00:07:11
hell, and how the hell did he
00:07:14
sober up early in the morning when he saw
00:07:18
that the refrigerator
00:07:19
was broken, he took it and ran to the workshop
00:07:22
while the wife had not yet woken up, the wife got up,
00:07:27
saw that there was a refrigerator
00:07:30
and said from the annoying one after all
00:07:36
[music]
00:07:39
[applause]
00:07:44
he left just
00:07:47
like that, I don’t understand why now,
00:07:52
especially recently, divorces have become more frequent, what a
00:07:58
disgrace they are doing
00:08:02
And I’m so
00:08:07
[applause]
00:08:13
I’m surprised Sorry, this is
00:08:15
autobiographical
00:08:24
as they say, I’ve had gray hair in my beard,
00:08:30
but the devil
00:08:36
lingers somewhere. Well, I once said,
00:08:41
I don’t
00:08:44
understand, getting married, getting married, bunnies,
00:08:48
sunshine,
00:08:50
fish, birds,
00:08:52
and getting divorced, goats, mares, sheep, and
00:08:58
deer
00:09:03
[applause]
00:09:10
they told me that one woman, well,
00:09:15
actually left her husband - because
00:09:19
I found out I found out that he bought two diamond
00:09:24
discs for some
00:09:28
Bulgarian woman
00:09:31
[applause]
00:09:38
by the way, here’s a bachelor who was noticed by
00:09:42
such a
00:09:44
woman, the dumplings put through a meat grinder
00:09:48
become naval pasta
00:09:53
[music]
00:09:55
[applause]
00:09:57
and yet the wedding a desired goal for
00:10:02
many at one wedding, instead of bitterly,
00:10:07
dad shouted Well, thank
00:10:11
God and mom screamed Well,
00:10:16
finally, here’s something else I don’t understand why
00:10:19
women come up with different diets to
00:10:22
lose weight and push themselves with such loads,
00:10:26
one lady said the main thing is that
00:10:29
it was a dream, she didn’t fall asleep on time, she overeat by
00:10:35
the way now new diet appeared 3
00:10:39
days Only juices 5 days Only porridge 7
00:10:44
days only apples then 9 days Then
00:10:54
40 I heard when we were talking about this
00:10:58
topic
00:10:59
got on the
00:11:02
scales in
00:11:07
a hurry Oh don’t tell me yesterday I went to buy a
00:11:11
dress I couldn’t fit in I was
00:11:15
upset I bought a
00:11:19
cake in the forest under
00:11:25
Luke
00:11:27
Tale a reminder to myself in the kitchen I don’t eat
00:11:31
after 6 so my parasite attributed
00:11:36
[music] to
00:11:37
the morning and I don’t
00:11:40
understand the girls If you can’t eat at night why
00:11:45
then the light in the refrigerator lights
00:11:52
up [applause] I don’t understand by the way what is
00:11:56
happening in our public catering now that
00:11:59
restaurants have opened cafes
00:12:02
the prices are expensive on every centimeter, but at least the food would
00:12:06
be ok. I tell the waiter there is something floating
00:12:09
in my soup,
00:12:11
this soup always has something floating in it.
00:12:15
Yes, it floats on its back and paddles with
00:12:19
all its paws.
00:12:23
Don’t worry, we won’t swim to the side, it will
00:12:31
drown, I don’t understand yet. why do all
00:12:34
comedians laugh at
00:12:36
blondes? They’re not
00:12:39
stupid, I even saw one blonde in a museum,
00:12:42
and she comes up to the old lady
00:12:46
caretaker in the museum and points to the
00:12:50
sculpture of the
00:12:51
Centaur Granny Tell me
00:12:54
please, why does that guy have horses
00:13:00
growing out of him and the granny apparently
00:13:03
got caught with humor She tells her his horse
00:13:07
doesn’t grow from there it’s stuck there
00:13:18
[applause]
00:13:19
such girls are stuck twitter these are
00:13:24
girls What is the best diet to
00:13:29
eat buckwheat porridge without
00:13:32
anything Naked or
00:13:37
something Lucy are we in the jungle or something Sveta
00:13:43
take the dill away from your
00:13:47
glasses the number you’re calling doesn’t
00:13:51
answer that
00:13:53
not at all damn the first two digits
00:13:56
answered the rest are silent
00:14:02
oh two blondes are driving in a car and listening to
00:14:07
the Navigator after 300 m turn right
00:14:11
after 100 then turn
00:14:14
left for the next few minutes they
00:14:17
drive in
00:14:18
silence One says Well, why is she
00:14:21
silent Where should we
00:14:24
turn the other says you're stupid
00:14:27
or something We're not alone on
00:14:31
the road, she's telling someone else now
00:14:39
[applause] I do
00:14:47
n't understand what kind of nonsense
00:14:50
our newspapers
00:14:52
write such Chunya
00:14:55
they write a
00:14:57
photo of guda cured a boy of
00:15:03
stuttering psychologist Dzhigurda constantly
00:15:07
visits
00:15:10
a psychologist Stas Mikhailov called Valuev
00:15:15
Nikolai a stupid jock The memorial service will take place
00:15:19
on
00:15:23
Tuesday, Japan bought the rights to So far in a
00:15:28
big city, now they will
00:15:31
call it Chpoki in
00:15:36
Tokyo, here’s something else I don’t understand
00:15:39
lately, this is a new conversation about what’s
00:15:42
going on in Ukraine, they made a mess on their own
00:15:46
head And the main complaint against us was that
00:15:50
they elected a comedian to the boss
00:15:53
imitating the activity and are already
00:15:57
laughing at themselves, that’s where
00:16:02
the joke came from, the husband brings home a hare, the wife
00:16:07
fry the hare in lard, there is no gas in us Sala Well, a
00:16:14
fire in oil, there is no oil in us,
00:16:19
well, a fire just like that in
00:16:25
gas, there is no gas in us The
00:16:29
husband throws out the gas in his hearts a hare through the window a
00:16:34
hare runs and screams Glory to Ukraine to the Heroes
00:16:40
[applause]
00:16:46
[music]
00:16:49
Glory I know what I don’t understand This is a
00:16:53
common phenomenon where our psyche is heading
00:16:59
one man despairs and is about to commit suicide is
00:17:03
standing on a bridge getting ready to
00:17:08
jump suddenly someone claps from behind it’s
00:17:11
on the
00:17:12
shoulder Sorry please don’t kittens
00:17:22
[applause]
00:17:27
grab me I’ll say one frivolity I
00:17:31
understood one thing for sure I don’t
00:17:35
understand anything but one thing I fully understood the
00:17:38
main organ in a person - it’s
00:17:42
still an
00:17:44
ass it takes part in everything
00:17:48
in
00:17:50
treatment in
00:17:52
teaching In
00:17:54
her upbringing, decision-making is all through
00:17:57
her,
00:17:59
and in the search for adventure she has no equal at all
00:18:07
[music]
00:18:33
Thank you

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Авт.: Н. Борщев, Л. Натапов, Л. Измайлов, А. Щеглов Оформите подписку канала - https://www.youtube.com/user/PetrosyanLive?sub_confirmation=1 Плэйлист Большой бенефис - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnFzaYY29g3v1go9lDgZYkA_PKFKFo561 Плэйлист Большой бенефис: Миниатюры - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnFzaYY29g3sPYnzSGFsxZARsTekL9G4X Плэйлист "Страсти-мордасти" - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnFzaYY29g3tu85NzlzieiTl7JeCOLTVD Плэйлист Дураки мы все - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnFzaYY29g3sFMQcDbh1eysWs6mzxqxdE

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