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фильм

качество

дмб

дембель

армия

юмор

hd

4K

00:00:08

and

00:00:09

[music]

00:00:18

after all, both

00:00:20

[music]

00:00:21

and

00:00:27

[music]

00:00:36

for z

00:00:38

you brought money,

00:00:43

and why do you need so much haloperidol?

00:00:46

I’ll naturally eat it and they’ll take me to the

00:00:49

madhouse, but why doesn’t he flatten me into

00:00:53

becoming a soldier and

00:00:56

[music] it

00:00:58

wasn’t a difficult year, taxes and catastrophes,

00:01:03

prostitution, banditry and shortages in the army, the

00:01:06

latter could not be tolerated, and a

00:01:08

knowledgeable person in our market got down to business, he

00:01:11

gathered among parasites, fools and colleagues in the

00:01:13

area,

00:01:14

even the deaf identified 100 grams of a detachment of

00:01:16

alpine grouse

00:01:17

so many years have passed, they are still

00:01:20

weird somewhere, there is such a word needed and then I wo

00:01:25

n’t take the oath. Their friend is

00:01:28

young and it’s not you who choose the oath, but

00:01:33

the ensign who chooses the squat, write down

00:01:37

these simple but at the same time

00:01:39

great words

00:01:42

[music]

00:01:47

mom mom I don’t want to become a soldier I’m

00:01:54

afraid but I have to call my uncle Vitya Vizir day

00:01:57

he’s a livestock specialist, he knows how not to go to the army

00:02:01

[music]

00:02:04

life without the army is like love

00:02:07

in an elastic band, there is movement, there’s no progress

00:02:15

[music]

00:02:22

why are you, all our work is on fire, I didn’t do it

00:02:26

on purpose, it was an experiment, it was the subject of a

00:02:31

rationalization proposal,

00:02:33

but it was impossible, although it would be accounting with the

00:02:36

canteen and today there should have been a wand

00:02:39

I didn’t think not like now think about how to get the

00:02:44

troops off with the first train or else they

00:02:47

’ll put you in a cage from the cheese ugh

00:02:52

man everything should be fine

00:02:55

shoulder straps badge underwear

00:03:00

otherwise it’s not human mammals

00:03:06

using this remedy several times

00:03:09

increase the shelf life of the carburetor and

00:03:12

piston rings

00:03:14

as well as all your zinaida to your mother with

00:03:20

suitcases

00:03:21

and you are a young man, put on trousers and come to

00:03:28

me with a record book

00:03:29

then you are suitable for the army in the year there are

00:03:36

different people, some defend their homeland from the enemy,

00:03:39

others drag their teachers’ wives by their

00:03:42

tits to institutes and

00:03:45

both of them can be soldiers, only the

00:03:47

first ones are already soldiers, the authors don’t yet

00:03:55

understand, Cheburashka, who has no

00:03:57

friends, I ate haloperidol, I do

00:04:00

n’t have you in the army, more and more, why

00:04:03

not do something, a horn, who has no

00:04:06

friends,

00:04:11

nature is not a temple, and certainly not

00:04:15

master nature shooting range and fire with him must be aimed

00:04:20

at defeat we have the conviction what

00:04:24

kind of statements we believe

00:04:26

our gentlemen govind

00:04:27

and he doesn’t tell us to shoot at people all of

00:04:31

you are suitable for us and your govinda is nothing

00:04:34

creepy then nothing and you don’t need to cut your hair again

00:04:39

you people you can see the hardy 4 hours of the Hare

00:04:42

Krishna Gate, then not everyone will be able to

00:04:44

go to the troops

00:04:49

[music]

00:05:00

that the citizen will apologize,

00:05:08

do not tempt the eagle unnecessarily, we want with a

00:05:11

Cheburashka who is looking for friends to

00:05:13

serve in the artillery, they are not cut off as a

00:05:16

patriot

00:05:24

[music]

00:05:27

no, the military is not a profession, this is sexual

00:05:32

orientation

00:05:37

Yes, life is a deck of cards, I felt stuffy about

00:05:41

the world, the world didn’t feel any sympathy for me either, I

00:05:44

had to make a choice, the

00:05:46

monasteries didn’t allow me to smoke in the prisons, I had to

00:05:49

drink, the army was the army, a

00:05:52

beautiful country of freedom, both from the world and from

00:05:55

myself, as usual, national or el gaucho

00:05:59

today, the military registration and enlistment office

00:06:04

needs an index They

00:06:06

don’t take away a soldier’s finger without the index finger

00:06:08

because there is nothing to shoot with, I suggest

00:06:10

a circular gun, but if at home then

00:06:11

you can use wire cutters as well as the obligatory

00:06:14

finger 9. I’ll get married, I’ll read my wife with my

00:06:16

index finger to make a bush, but I do

00:06:18

n’t know for sure, I’m still a young man, but

00:06:21

since you’re like that young

00:06:22

then you need to wear your pants in a small way, in

00:06:26

other words, piss in a scientific way,

00:06:30

enuresis and enuresis are also not accepted and I do

00:06:32

n’t want to stay, I’m disdainful

00:06:34

and then how can I be small if my

00:06:36

grandmother taught me at exactly the same time

00:06:38

at four in the morning grandma us milkmaid

00:06:41

was uni 5 milking started taking

00:06:43

me baby

00:06:44

otherwise stabbed mornings great time business fun

00:06:47

time hour

00:06:49

you will be Satan to people or take away your finger

00:06:53

be a man son like your missing

00:06:57

[music]

00:07:02

that soldier sam se I am so sure well and

00:07:07

soldier girls such trouble Today, to the logical

00:07:10

situation, everything is a trial and the essence of this background

00:07:14

writing happens, but according to the situation, well,

00:07:19

for this, our

00:07:20

last duty to the homeland is not to take away

00:07:24

your shame for your illness, we will

00:07:26

definitely send the foremen to the feat, then you

00:07:30

have started again

00:07:33

and now everyone can go to the distribution point

00:07:36

chow pinocchio

00:07:39

even write me letters on

00:07:41

demand my name is Sebastian

00:07:44

Pereira the ebony merchant

00:07:48

joke

00:07:54

[music]

00:08:07

unloaded I don’t remember at the altar how where

00:08:10

remember I just felt sick

00:08:13

unlike everyone else I

00:08:16

joined the army for spiritual reasons

00:08:18

[music]

00:08:20

[applause] [

00:08:22

music]

00:08:32

guys, where do they get the seals from the

00:08:37

construction battalion? I haven’t had any mood

00:08:40

since childhood. It’s our free

00:08:42

physical labor like a poke to mow down not

00:08:45

Guriev, you’re funny, why did you

00:08:49

come here to the network at home? It’s necessary, although it’s not

00:08:53

for everyone,

00:08:54

I advise you to break the bottle and

00:08:58

get drunk on the glass,

00:08:59

right? the thing is, I personally am going to the army for

00:09:04

free,

00:09:05

health and knowledge, to gain eco you

00:09:09

tyrk, okay, but the skills

00:09:11

can let you go,

00:09:21

the duty officer will come there, we’ll figure out what you are, I

00:09:24

’m those batons, which I say again and again, that I’ve

00:09:27

already been in the army, oh, although I saw off my nephew for his nephew,

00:09:29

he’s lying there.

00:09:32

pissed all over, check, check, listen,

00:09:37

I have to go to milking in an hour, why are you

00:09:38

silent, boots of my last name, Viktor

00:09:40

Eduardovich, you understand, the duty officer will come there,

00:09:43

we'll sort it out,

00:09:51

dump friends, study as much as you want,

00:09:59

horns, who is looking for friends, armor

00:10:02

Marina, you wait for me, I'll come back, yes,

00:10:12

no, Marina to the master for the day birth, don’t

00:10:14

go them, or she don’t go, act of Teveri,

00:10:20

go,

00:10:21

sleep, who are they there, cough, tell grandpa

00:10:26

hello, and why are you sniffling, you have a cold,

00:10:31

you need to be treated, you go to the hospital,

00:10:36

I wrote you a letter on 7 sheets of paper, I’ll

00:10:39

get to the place, I’ll get an envelope, I’ll buy it, send

00:10:42

me poppy seed cakes, have they arrived? iron aside

00:10:44

already rice roll up I need to

00:10:46

call

00:10:47

my sister is giving birth for everyone and

00:10:50

then a veteran general in orders was brought to us

00:10:53

and he almost laughed and the

00:10:56

granddaughter’s jokes are a fool’s bullet bayonet well done cumin goes down the throat of a

00:11:02

treat better

00:11:04

but how can a secret woman here not get it

00:11:11

won’t take away the guardsman maybe you don’t need

00:11:15

to remember and just because it’s not good silently I

00:11:19

love the marshal a bag with a berg toilet

00:11:23

cleaned the rest with a ram to change took for the

00:11:28

chik

00:11:29

8 cars she put me not a scratch

00:11:34

you give the White Sea Canal to your homeland for the victory

00:11:42

with your granddaughter’s hat hanka that the granddaughters obediently

00:11:47

and performed the fierce beta,

00:11:52

with this look, cast iron monuments should

00:11:54

stand at the stations, they tie their hands with belts, it’s

00:11:57

not like a sobering-up station to hand over a

00:12:00

miracle hero to my grandfather, are

00:12:13

you kidding me or something, I just

00:12:17

cleaned up after these freaks, it’s not my fault

00:12:18

that I’m always next to him

00:12:21

[music ] oh, the

00:12:29

special counterintelligence officer

00:12:35

began to take everyone at the point to him one by one, they

00:12:38

came out more often with

00:12:41

thoughtful looks, which already suggested

00:12:43

seriousness, they went expressed

00:12:51

[music]

00:12:54

offered a bribe but did not give

00:12:57

[music]

00:13:07

what a cunning person chills passed like I

00:13:13

don’t remember

00:13:14

[music]

00:13:24

crayfish you are doing,

00:13:25

comrade conscript, who is not doing well right now,

00:13:27

you are doing not just bad, but

00:13:30

even worse than before, much nightmare

00:13:34

nightmare what we will do too

00:13:38

intelligence officer we will help the appropriate

00:13:41

body identifies unreliable

00:13:43

elements of the army I know just one like that,

00:13:45

pray

00:13:47

that the duty officer is empty for me

00:13:50

gas in more detail what gases labeling

00:13:56

derivative gases purely suffocating

00:13:59

derivatives smoked sausage cheese wave

00:14:03

lemonade bell expiration date expired

00:14:06

when it comes out of the toilet half an hour to go in

00:14:09

impossible it hurts your eyes it’s

00:14:17

clear continue to monitor we will

00:14:22

contact you

00:14:23

collected the

00:14:28

next one on the way out from the counterintelligence officer I

00:14:32

sent a dude to him and myself

00:14:34

accordingly, I took your dope

00:14:51

on the fourth day, they doused me with cold

00:14:54

water and brought me to the head of the

00:14:56

distribution point, the colonel,

00:15:01

but the young man is going to serve

00:15:06

or are you going to come to us on leave, three

00:15:10

sets of profit have been replaced and you are all playing pranks with

00:15:12

you, the whole point stinks, and what are we going to

00:15:15

talk about?

00:15:18

point to the sniper, I’m very assiduous, something

00:15:21

like that we prescribed for you, and at the same time for

00:15:23

your friend, after these words,

00:15:26

some friend fell with or without you,

00:15:30

if you knew my friends, I

00:15:34

had to take them a lot of money, they themselves

00:15:37

ran into the hands of a solar bill street

00:15:40

to throw this brothers aliev wild onion

00:15:42

from here

00:15:43

the brothers ran a café begonia on fillets and

00:15:46

just sold their BMW serving

00:15:49

essentially somehow accidentally let slip about

00:15:52

Maksud that I can get a good interest on his money

00:15:54

or

00:15:55

I tell Maksud how much I admire your

00:15:58

mind and courage

00:15:59

for you dollar and linden Maksud did

00:16:03

n’t particularly protest, I said khachapuri

00:16:06

sold jackets, sold dormouse,

00:16:08

traded had respect, so I’m

00:16:12

telling you here, one minister introduced me to one banker,

00:16:15

we first went with them to the

00:16:18

museum, looked at a mammoth tusk,

00:16:19

and then he tells me you don’t want

00:16:22

money through connections spend you give 30 in a

00:16:25

month you will take 40 I answer him I need to

00:16:28

look at my deposits and I have

00:16:30

one close friend who is

00:16:31

practically a relative I will offer of

00:16:34

course if he is not in Paris at an

00:16:35

agricultural exhibition for a day or

00:16:38

threw his calculator it rang and

00:16:41

lava covered the strawberries they fought even from

00:16:43

overexcitement

00:16:44

they gave me money the same day, solid

00:16:49

flash drive al, and then there was a peak black

00:16:52

period of failures, which immediately

00:16:54

included all the funds remaining in my

00:16:56

hands from the Aliyev orphans, the fall of the

00:16:59

eagle and the falcon, the Battle of Borodino,

00:17:02

I could decide to see to the first star in

00:17:04

general, I ask the colonel which friend

00:17:07

with a mustache or without a very smart but very

00:17:12

careful

00:17:15

rap I don’t have the right I won’t go with him he has a

00:17:19

bad stomach I boogie grenade

00:17:21

my stomach I digested the fallen as a child

00:17:24

he is also an idiot

00:17:27

[music]

00:17:29

and we never managed to find out his receiver for the load on the brake

00:17:33

what's the

00:17:34

name of the brakes Anna writes and registered

00:17:36

Fedya he has a fat muzzle will suit him

00:17:40

[music]

00:17:46

what's your name my name is

00:17:59

Natalya you have an estimate

00:18:03

I'm a 4th grade tool maker

00:18:09

you didn't tell them the reports

00:18:12

[music]

00:18:14

why spoil the documents themselves lost

00:18:17

let them look for them

00:18:21

in the evening we found Fedya's documents from a

00:18:24

nurse and a little later a buyer came for us, the

00:18:26

smell is comrade conscripts, we

00:18:31

need to understand the depth of our depths,

00:18:34

the military and they will give us weapons 335

00:18:41

[music]

00:18:53

sober people, a

00:18:55

woman

00:18:57

without a beard,

00:18:59

men from you, keep it, I understand all the way,

00:19:02

the ensign begged us for money I won’t let you buy a

00:19:05

souvenir for the money of a dumb commander, I wo

00:19:07

n’t let you buy it

00:19:13

from me just for food,

00:19:14

the general will cut off a souvenir to buy a compass

00:19:18

for the zaman schemes all the me is a military man, my

00:19:23

fellow soldiers call me Vladislav, for you it’s

00:19:25

just Vladik, I sold paint in Perm, my

00:19:28

dad looked and looked at the microbes,

00:19:31

knowing one thing along the way a place with

00:19:34

awesome compasses and let's go

00:19:39

[music]

00:19:57

to eat boys

00:19:59

I have a lot of Olivier and more mayonnaise

00:20:03

in our canteen they gave a lot of good Olivier

00:20:07

once I even fainted the

00:20:11

master took me home what a

00:20:13

disgusting story the meat is close to

00:20:17

soda and for more three it’s like an

00:20:20

idiot and you are a [ __ ]

00:20:23

and I have a barbecue

00:20:26

and it has begun

00:20:28

[applause]

00:20:30

[music]

00:20:58

[music]

00:21:03

mademoiselle you are beautiful like Edita Piekha

00:21:11

definitely

00:21:12

[music]

00:21:28

can I gently touch your waist the

00:21:32

waist is much higher

00:21:35

intelligence can become an obstacle to

00:21:37

our feelings it can’t but that man over there

00:21:40

in a tie at the third table

00:21:42

maybe that's why because it's my husband

00:21:46

Grigory Savvich Aporov silver

00:21:48

medalist of the European Championship in

00:21:51

hammer throwing and what's your name fry me

00:21:56

just Elvis Presley

00:22:00

songwriter

00:22:05

[music]

00:22:14

[music]

00:22:24

[music]

00:22:29

all to hell

00:22:34

[music]

00:22:57

[ music]

00:23:01

it all ended with the predictable

00:23:04

appearance of a military patrol, military comrades,

00:23:12

of course I don’t mind if you

00:23:14

swaddle this jet ski, but he transports me and my

00:23:17

Adam’s apple to the army to

00:23:20

carry out an honorable heroic

00:23:21

task, if you still take him, we will

00:23:25

definitely change the appearances and scatter around

00:23:27

the area as rats it's up to you to decide the

00:23:36

army soldiers need guys and soldiers

00:23:39

absurdity and corruption now we will resolve

00:23:49

with the previous one all the army men's ingenuity

00:23:52

the major poured 2 glasses of vodka

00:23:54

one he made the ensign drink and on the other

00:23:58

hand the officer drank it himself the ensign

00:24:02

drank and fell like winter

00:24:17

[applause]

00:24:26

you had to do the accompanying

00:24:28

documents yourself Look, it turned out that we

00:24:31

are following a unit with a complex number to serve as a

00:24:34

rocket scientist, not for strategic purposes,

00:24:36

motor ship Richard Sorge Strategic Missile Forces, do you at least

00:24:40

accept that they will entrust you with a button

00:24:42

from a nuclear bomb, you really need it, I would have

00:24:45

arisen from nowhere near the station

00:24:48

bruise,

00:24:49

boys, don’t wish for corrupt love,

00:24:51

I offered us corrupt love,

00:24:59

I’ll tell you now having a face

00:25:10

here our ensign came to his senses and tried to run away

00:25:13

from us

00:25:17

I want to pee-pee Christmas

00:25:19

trees and sticks military you were in a hurry

00:25:23

all your life advertising safe sex let's

00:25:25

introduce commanders into the bushes the bushes are not

00:25:30

famous let's go to the station from the video let

00:25:34

him suffer some more he entered the

00:25:38

curved cabin on the pier.

00:25:40

although maybe he’s feeling bad, well, the military

00:25:44

steamer is sailing without us, rightly, the gentleman

00:25:47

is leaving the

00:25:52

saryn on the kichka, the last one, I’m dragging

00:26:12

something, I imagined that at that moment, on the

00:26:14

other side of the city and in a rented apartment, the

00:26:16

brothers Ulugbek and Maxi are wildly yearning for me,

00:26:33

this is not a passenger, giving some kind of gift what are

00:26:37

you saying

00:26:38

this subject

00:26:40

heroes of 3 hot spots a Baltic with a

00:26:44

concussion all over his head

00:26:45

on things you pressure is up to 300 the last one is

00:26:48

definitely debts don’t go

00:26:54

okay bring it in but the

00:26:57

hero’s corridor don’t let go I have carpets

00:27:09

from the top shelf fart rental report

00:27:12

and we dreamed of God

00:27:20

you will be Fedya a bomb

00:27:27

why a bomb

00:27:30

because the hot-tempered

00:27:33

three Vladik

00:27:35

or the bayonet of

00:27:36

what they were building

00:27:39

and I will be in the fields

00:27:42

because to the target

00:27:47

if I send to a hot spot they will be

00:27:49

awarded a star

00:27:52

apartment without a queue

00:27:56

and of course everywhere without a queue the

00:27:59

7th floor

00:28:01

then in the social service it’s

00:28:04

frightening foul language and

00:28:06

nicer for lunch on

00:28:08

a there are no more pirates

00:28:11

who are walking janitza someone is being led with the

00:28:15

gypsies of the corps de ballet I love it when you are

00:28:18

ruled by the sleeves then ask I will be in the forests

00:28:23

that the orcs are selling drugs

00:28:25

union ball

00:28:32

[music]

00:28:47

[music]

00:28:55

in the morning the steamer dropped us off at the

00:28:57

city pier x and he himself sailed on,

00:29:03

our sacred duty defend our homeland and

00:29:05

observe the rules of personal hygiene,

00:29:07

otherwise everything will go through our ass,

00:29:10

therefore, for a more effective

00:29:12

passage of the unit, we must get on the

00:29:14

bus and proceed to the unit with everyone

00:29:19

else, a

00:29:20

drunkard, a mother, grief in the family toyz boss,

00:29:23

and do you remember that yesterday also the general was

00:29:27

bitten on his shoulder straps I don’t agree with the pop [ __ ]

00:29:32

I couldn’t care less, especially since we should have

00:29:36

some civilian rest but so that there is

00:29:43

no general and even for such a place to leave the chain of command with us, the length of service is behind

00:29:47

me

00:29:51

[music]

00:29:54

she’s all

00:29:57

here, she’s native

00:30:00

to the vegetable base, it looks like this is not a vegetable

00:30:03

base comrade conscript, this is the place where

00:30:07

you

00:30:09

will spend the next two years interestingly and extremely excitingly, I

00:30:12

have no doubt after submitting the documents to the headquarters,

00:30:22

we made our very first army

00:30:25

impressions, they won’t let us eat here,

00:30:39

and this is the guy from the poster, don’t grab the

00:30:42

exposed wire, I said the clearing is complete

00:30:46

[ __ ], ensign took us to the bathhouse while

00:30:51

providing 1 wisdom sends you only

00:30:54

flies get married

00:30:58

[music]

00:31:04

[applause]

00:31:09

[music]

00:31:43

[applause]

00:31:44

[music]

00:31:48

[applause]

00:31:50

[music]

00:31:58

that [music]

00:32:10

after the shower the

00:32:11

ensign gave us foot wraps and showed us how to

00:32:14

tie them this is clear to me,

00:32:25

whoever came up with this

00:32:27

needs to fill the head with a ghoul, I

00:32:29

despise him, in the end,

00:32:35

only experienced bombs tied the wrinkles, and

00:32:37

we drew them on the pockets,

00:32:44

you sew the collar on the collar, and we do

00:32:48

n’t know how, no one knows how, it’s not a matter of skill,

00:32:52

not desire, and nothing at all what's the matter with

00:32:56

sewing it under the collar the

00:32:58

army is not just a kind word but a very

00:33:02

quick deed

00:33:04

so we won all the soldiers while the

00:33:08

enemy draws a map of the offensive we

00:33:10

change the landscapes manually

00:33:14

when the time comes to attack the enemy

00:33:17

gets lost in unfamiliar terrain and

00:33:19

becomes completely uncombat ready,

00:33:24

that's the point this is our strategy a

00:33:27

little more I’ll go crazy I’ve already lost the world the

00:33:32

eyes are twitching and I sewed my finger

00:33:38

after the bath the ensign, as an initial

00:33:41

acquaintance with the place of duty,

00:33:43

showed us an installation for launching

00:33:45

intercontinental missiles and

00:33:47

these are soldiers a secret object

00:33:57

and a bomb immediately stepped on dog poop

00:34:00

and pcs and

00:34:06

from here, guys, our homeland

00:34:10

dictates its unyielding will

00:34:12

to the rest of the world community, maybe

00:34:15

we’ll bang, we’ll definitely bang, and more than once the whole

00:34:20

world will turn to dust, but then the ensign took us to

00:34:25

the dining room where another 300 hari per

00:34:28

person were sitting, and the hungry cannot fry these, they

00:34:32

can’t

00:34:33

fry these, it’s better to stew those sitting

00:34:38

closest to us they began to very lively

00:34:40

discuss our gastronomic

00:34:42

advantages gods which one I like

00:34:57

I wouldn’t want to find myself with you in a hungry year on a

00:35:00

desert island

00:35:04

as there are

00:35:06

practically no women in civilian life we ourselves are

00:35:10

surprised

00:35:11

to listen and where is our wild one about that tell

00:35:19

the military where is there is a new buffet for you here, what

00:35:23

before that, you quickly salute me,

00:35:29

then he will cross this reel and drag the warrior

00:35:32

to that guy

00:35:33

to become he, too, is a war, don’t forget to give

00:35:35

him the honor, as for the buffet without

00:35:37

a pinch, he’s there,

00:35:38

thank you, no, I don’t like it all like

00:35:52

that you can get a hernia the main

00:35:56

buffet of hernias on an empty stomach this is not to be

00:36:00

done when I went to the army at the factory

00:36:06

they ate 7 boxes of Alodie the whole workshop

00:36:10

saw me off the whole faculty

00:36:13

and all the casinos

00:36:25

want me at the checkpoint

00:36:34

somehow everything here is very strange I don’t

00:36:37

care about bad feelings I feel bad about these

00:36:39

hairstyles that we are leaving food what's the

00:36:42

matter

00:36:55

[music]

00:36:59

who is this hero this body

00:37:03

question in no date menu and I myself menu

00:37:08

bun with a magician woman with rum and Claire

00:37:13

cigarettes straight water bell tower coffee coffee

00:37:18

only officer from coffee nerves order

00:37:22

general, let's all find a

00:37:28

seat, put the laundresses, the news

00:37:31

clear the

00:37:39

rights of the barracks, occupy this bed, and they'll give you

00:37:41

food, they'll give you, they'll

00:37:44

give you everything,

00:37:50

according to the good old army tradition, the

00:37:54

demobilization looked at us from all sides, so

00:37:59

you fumbled around who opened the door, started for six months,

00:38:02

that young one about six reacher packs,

00:38:04

this is the one who served for a year char fits

00:38:07

under grandfather

00:38:08

grandfather exchanged one and a half o press death

00:38:11

clearly

00:38:12

translate into ours I translate

00:38:18

life your complete parasha in the army in the spirit of

00:38:22

ethereal spirits what a number of everything

00:38:24

so it’s curious and how this is expressed, you

00:38:29

see these wonderful guys led

00:38:31

by senior sergeant Lavrov and many

00:38:34

to be on service life is not due and they do

00:38:36

n’t like cleanliness; you’ll

00:38:39

wash their footcloths with baby soap; they’re

00:38:40

demobilized from germs; they’re afraid, tell these

00:38:43

wonderful guys led by Senior

00:38:46

Sergeant Lavrov, we have

00:38:49

no interests at all;

00:38:59

the medical unit is straight

00:39:01

and to the right and you don’t escort them out, but there’s no need to

00:39:13

worry, they would have found it themselves

00:39:15

[music]

00:39:22

inspired by this reception, we

00:39:24

went to the infirmary [music] we’re

00:39:41

setting up

00:39:50

[music]

00:39:56

it’s cool, it

00:39:58

could have been worse, yes, that’s pretty much what I

00:40:04

imagined, it would be more like machine guns and

00:40:10

machine guns a bigger pomegranate and one mine

00:40:22

there are 5 of them they have chickenpox low brothers in

00:40:28

mind tone of voice I don’t understand a damn thing in Russian

00:40:33

and I didn’t even know that the Tungus served with us,

00:40:36

they became extinct, they are on the right

00:40:40

exchange for an exchange institute with us, too

00:40:44

understand who you sent with

00:40:46

lichens, as a rule, but the night

00:41:04

compensated us for all the moral damage

00:41:07

until 4 in the morning we played with senior sergeant

00:41:10

Lavrov on the day Belsky Belt Lavrov was

00:41:17

nervous, looking forward to meeting with different

00:41:19

villages of Gundos

00:41:20

and demanded tea to the conductor

00:41:32

[music]

00:41:38

half past five bombs

00:41:41

rocked the bunk too much and the already dozing sergeant

00:41:44

fell out while using, broke his leg,

00:41:48

received a burn of equal degree

00:42:00

[music]

00:42:07

after such stress, we, together with

00:42:10

Lavrov, a colleague, were carried on a stretcher to the infirmary

00:42:17

[music]

00:42:28

in the infirmary, Lavrov made friends with us

00:42:31

since we were alone and he

00:42:33

had no one else to be friends with I’ll teach my daughter to be nasty,

00:42:35

we’ll serve as expected, or we’ll

00:42:37

make eyes, then you’re

00:42:42

not rehearsing a song about a girl who’s waiting, what’s in

00:42:44

tears at your home with a towel, just

00:42:47

cook it so that I don’t blow

00:42:48

and you bastard

00:42:53

could exterminate mercilessly, and that’s what you

00:42:59

know, what joy is the spirit that

00:43:02

2 sooner or later he becomes a demon,

00:43:06

ahead of Belem, all his dreams lie

00:43:10

because he loves him very much, and here and there

00:43:12

the fire department is hired and the police there is a resort from the

00:43:15

trade union, free bus travel,

00:43:19

girls with milkings are crying with death

00:43:23

because death and they don’t take anyone else into the army

00:43:26

in short our friendship has improved

00:43:30

[music]

00:43:35

and

00:43:39

news

00:43:41

husband and

00:43:45

go and sent

00:43:50

[music]

00:44:16

hear the spirit from chickenpox you can die, it’s

00:44:19

not that the USA chickenpox diseases are dangerous but

00:44:23

very contagious, so the sick person should

00:44:26

be isolated from society for a long time

00:44:27

in a hospital hospital Lavrov is

00:44:33

very I liked the word hospital, let's go

00:44:36

to Vanya, I'm sorry, the water is always at first the

00:44:51

reindeer herder was afraid of everything, but after the

00:44:53

offer, he got used to it, hear, brother,

00:44:57

you will help me, I will help you,

00:45:01

all the people, brothers, number died, so all people

00:45:07

should help each other, so they don't understand me, but

00:45:13

life doesn't understand me for a year, they serve and don't

00:45:19

understand, hear you are a creature of the decade tribe in

00:45:23

rosh 3 I ask how my dear

00:45:36

Lavrov calmed down the

00:45:38

reindeer herder let go and in anticipation of a

00:45:41

useful illness sang an old day

00:45:43

close without a laptop dalai turn on

00:45:50

leaving foreign lands of

00:45:54

death 11th row and wherever you look to find

00:46:00

May days everywhere drunk and do not go and no

00:46:04

and no look at the latte May days,

00:46:08

drunk people walk everywhere and not on the platform

00:46:13

the girl quietly whispers in tears stay

00:46:18

the soldier he answered the soldier the mouse will have hands on your

00:46:22

shoulders

00:46:23

did not answer the soldier

00:46:29

let the hands lie on your shoulders

00:46:31

here

00:46:34

[music]

00:46:36

don’t rat with sauna

00:46:38

let there be a rose on your shoulders road

00:46:43

[music]

00:46:49

[music]

00:46:53

I wonder how he found out that a comrade

00:46:56

senior sergeant should be spit in the face

00:46:58

if he doesn’t know a word of Russian, but

00:47:01

maybe he

00:47:02

still knows some words

00:47:12

[music]

00:47:17

bomb go to the kitchen and out of the tank against the wall and a

00:47:23

single product for yourself Masha then take

00:47:26

the tank and Disney city factory

00:47:29

it’s been a long time and one patrol won’t stop

00:47:33

[music]

00:47:39

mother

00:47:43

[music]

00:47:50

[music]

00:47:54

come here why are you mom loves mom I love Aunt Tanya I love

00:48:03

and Olya Krymova I love her

00:48:08

at our factory this is the kind of work and

00:48:10

you love money very much and where is gene bobkov

00:48:15

speed which gene bobkov are you a fool

00:48:19

or something where gene bobkov sleeps I don’t know you find out

00:48:26

my his brothers

00:48:30

just don’t tell him he’s embarrassed to

00:48:35

be good I still have a lot for you there

00:48:41

just you find out where Gena Bobkov speed

00:48:44

where is this jackal

00:48:47

to sing well okay

00:48:52

bomb decided that they were American spies

00:48:55

but promised to find out everything with money bomb

00:48:59

bought a box of eclairs three bottles of vodka and

00:49:03

went to a bookstore and aunts and science and

00:49:11

life there is science

00:49:13

but there is no life I have a man last winter

00:49:18

I caught a cold while fishing, now this is a

00:49:20

downright souvenir, only the mustache is worth it, if it were

00:49:23

n’t for the soldiers,

00:49:25

at least cry on the drawer with a stick, the utility

00:49:27

room of this slave in the 1st grade, no, you’d

00:49:33

better give the equipment to the youth, I’m finishing the

00:49:42

second bottle, I admitted that it’s Bobkov

00:49:45

Gena, it’s me, Gena Bobkov,

00:49:48

what

00:49:50

[music]

00:49:54

Lavrov,

00:49:55

becoming interested in the rest of the

00:49:57

money, decided to take over further negotiations on

00:50:00

my issue, he ordered

00:50:03

his younger brother

00:50:05

Junior Sergeant Lavrov and

00:50:08

godfather Corporal Gol Guru Alexander Petrovich to be called to the infirmary;

00:50:12

relatives appeared, immediately

00:50:14

kicked us out of the room and began to hold

00:50:18

advice, and you are the only child in the family.

00:50:33

I need it buddy

00:50:36

[music]

00:50:44

but I didn’t have time to escape the sounds of music they

00:50:47

slandered steel as translators

00:50:51

they decided to take bread farukh aha winter and

00:50:54

copter gyaru liberman liberman

00:50:57

was found lying on bales with fresh

00:50:59

underwear sniffing

00:51:01

stain remover liquid

00:51:03

faith you’re here I’m here I’m there I there's always someone talking

00:51:12

to a copter like that, look

00:51:14

at someone else's

00:51:17

freebie take take

00:51:22

that it's just 5 girls guys but our goods are coming to

00:51:49

you merchant money show here

00:51:53

Ulugbek made a tragic mistake money

00:51:58

is he pulled the money out which

00:52:02

brought consciousness and front teeth like that

00:52:11

eat climbs climb

00:52:16

gold crowns didn’t take disdain

00:52:21

the gun and for a snack we’ll change it to eat you’ll

00:52:27

have to take your finger off your finger cuts off

00:52:31

also didn’t bother running for soap if

00:52:37

you get bored you are welcome

00:52:39

and remember for good people the army is their

00:52:42

mother-in-law and for bad people their mother-in-law heard that there are a lot of

00:52:46

debts in civilian life somewhere in a steamship and

00:52:50

some type of oil will come here, a fortune teller, don’t

00:52:54

go, you’re the spirit of the right military pavement

00:52:59

foot wraps from versace, we’re going home,

00:53:01

take care of yourself, what

00:53:03

is Sashok, there are no people, where people and

00:53:08

birds are quiet,

00:53:09

Talalaev, everyone is in shelter

00:53:14

[music]

00:53:16

I’ll lock up the bastards in the disbat, I’ll shoot the bastard,

00:53:20

I’ll shoot them like rabid dogs

00:53:24

what was it dad was Major General

00:53:29

Talalaev the commander of our unit

00:53:31

carried it decide comrade tor sergeant the

00:53:39

guests were shod for the full loss program we are

00:53:41

not in a fighting mood waiting for your

00:53:44

further orders well done soldier

00:53:46

so serve rest eat a drop of

00:53:51

feathers decided I was

00:53:56

afraid he would crawl away as I was here in the infirmary

00:54:00

I went to the nurses touched her

00:54:04

decided to be alone

00:54:05

so sweet ears red

00:54:10

nose acne ass thick rough how

00:54:13

she pulled us by the ring

00:54:17

without releasing the lever

00:54:25

didn’t understand

00:54:31

then for another three days our senior

00:54:34

colleagues

00:54:35

continued to master the means of the

00:54:37

olive brothers, in addition to hemp, many

00:54:40

different ingredients were bought an army

00:54:43

wine list was

00:54:45

especially popular used

00:54:48

earth-to-air cocktails two thirds beer drink vodka as

00:54:52

well as the site rick one third vodka 3

00:54:56

third hemp decoction to mix

00:54:59

entrusted

00:55:00

Derry Lieberman soon he had a

00:55:03

vision

00:55:13

[music]

00:55:20

I see an

00:55:21

unidentified flying object our headquarters is

00:55:24

green

00:55:26

which object is

00:55:28

not supposed to be there for lunch green object

00:55:38

soon The copter was sent out of sin to a

00:55:41

subsidiary farm, where at the same time they were exiled

00:55:44

to a bayonet, and the bombards will go into

00:55:46

quarantine;

00:56:07

from the farm and generals from the

00:56:10

city, together with dad, eat the pig, the

00:56:13

pig will be shot like Hitler from a

00:56:16

machine gun if they get hit, of course

00:56:20

[music]

00:56:22

and they feed here like crackers, but that’s the

00:56:26

money for comrade, when should we eat in the year

00:56:28

when comrade the spirit

00:56:30

is the army, upon arrival at the place we, first of

00:56:33

all, look around don’t be sad

00:56:36

there is also a magical Russian tradition of

00:56:38

leaving all

00:56:41

sorts of fresh food and drinks on the graves of the deceased

00:56:44

I’m a dead man in battle for well what game are

00:56:48

you going to the remote control not I’m ankle from sitting we really

00:56:55

enjoyed living supposed to have

00:56:57

trailers I

00:56:58

want to eat I always ask three questions

00:57:04

why am I in the army how old am I, why is the

00:57:09

hair on my chest colored, I'll start

00:57:11

with the last one, the hair on my chest

00:57:14

is colored because I spilled

00:57:16

rocket oxidizer on it, I'm 29 years old, the Avars' anniversary is coming soon,

00:57:21

I'm because they really

00:57:23

wanted to send me to an insane asylum for my

00:57:26

beliefs,

00:57:27

you see, there's

00:57:32

no gopher I don’t see, but he is there, I

00:57:38

understand

00:57:42

[music]

00:57:51

[music]

00:58:08

condolences modem your feelings loved ones have

00:58:12

already experienced this, no, but I really

00:58:16

hope to survive, well, that is, on the contrary, you

00:58:19

understand, I understand you

00:58:23

Larisa, come on, Peter Alekseevich,

00:58:28

Vladislav, widower, Zinaida Petrovna, should we

00:58:32

take a walk, Larisa, take a look

00:58:35

local attractions, so to

00:58:36

speak, for each other's

00:58:39

grief, of course, pour out all you can

00:58:50

here such wonderful crypts of the last

00:58:56

century cast iron

00:58:58

I love the crypt I love the cast iron ones so far I've been

00:59:02

getting acquainted with the

00:59:04

sights the weather of the city x

00:59:06

bomb I tried to tame the local

00:59:09

cemetery dogs the dogs right away I say I

00:59:19

won't eat dogs I won't eat them

00:59:24

I love them alive, the master master

00:59:32

[music]

00:59:37

however, the cunning creatures were in no hurry to

00:59:40

fall into the trap where this bayonet

00:59:43

somehow itself all with a bang

00:59:47

[music]

00:59:58

what an insatiable midshipman you are,

01:00:04

it can only be breathed by the wind the day

01:00:15

passed unnoticed, we quickly had a snack

01:00:18

with the bayonet brought from the graveyard

01:00:21

positive products in the army have their advantages

01:00:25

soldiers take nothing from here again the

01:00:27

sincerity of the relationship and the regime

01:00:31

again the army the main thing is not to miss

01:00:40

sleep I’ll go I

01:00:44

dreamed of brothers olives be

01:00:57

ichthyanders a [ __ ] miracle ears until a miracle miracle I can’t

01:01:26

sleep

01:01:27

that is, I’ll

01:01:33

have time for money in the next world I think life and its

01:01:38

meaning

01:01:43

and

01:01:47

look how someone suffers from a

01:01:50

black demobilization. obter oh stands for a black

01:01:56

demobilization so oh this is a very old story

01:02:01

in one artillery unit near Kiev

01:02:06

he struggled for one day and he had

01:02:10

three days and three nights left to serve, he

01:02:14

loved the money very much, the nurse Lesya from the

01:02:17

neighboring farm, fortunately, they were supposed to get

01:02:20

married

01:02:21

ah, the unit was still serving one prater bastard

01:02:25

rare, he also paid all attention and

01:02:28

one night

01:02:30

[music]

01:02:36

they sent the demobilizer home in a coffin with his

01:02:39

head sewn on, they wrote that he died for his

01:02:43

homeland from a tree fell on an ax

01:02:48

2 years passed from crying Olesya all the tears

01:02:51

because of the ensign the murderer was getting married

01:02:55

[music ]

01:03:00

then there’s a knock on the door, some guy in

01:03:03

a hood is walking and he’s carrying a dish with a lid

01:03:07

[music]

01:03:14

you who shouted the stranger’s ensign, the head

01:03:18

on the dish opened his eyes

01:03:19

and how I scream, the black demobilization is your

01:03:23

mother a-a-a-and then the light went out and when he

01:03:28

was turned on in the house, all the dead are lying

01:03:31

since then, the black demobilization walks around the world

01:03:36

looking for a new bride and there is no peace for his black souls

01:03:41

to the point of crap, such an army drama

01:03:48

Shakespeare and nephews here, at least turn

01:03:52

everything out, it goes according to the established plot and life and

01:03:55

tears and love are not touched by the cauldron I love

01:04:04

after the triumphant appearance of the thing in the

01:04:06

cemetery the female half of the city x

01:04:09

natural along half gathered in the

01:04:12

city library around the widow of Peter

01:04:14

Alekseevich, it is not known what exactly

01:04:17

he was telling, but at the same time, the ruddy

01:04:19

widow was infectiously gaga and

01:04:21

made various cunning gestures

01:04:23

from the series of how fishermen show the

01:04:26

pike they caught the day before

01:04:31

where Saturday came, the terrible

01:04:37

spirit of the holiday was rushing around

01:04:40

[music]

01:05:31

[music]

01:05:59

my mother is a woman, who will daddy tyrannize?

01:06:02

I will confess everything, then he will

01:06:06

shoot you on the spot and send you

01:06:09

back in a parcel with a diagnosis of

01:06:10

sudden death of dysentery.

01:06:13

It’s better we let you rustle through the bushes

01:06:16

like a boar, the rest is there it will be, but of course,

01:06:20

but he sometimes misses, but rarely

01:06:24

you can’t think of anything better,

01:06:26

I don’t like all this in such a framework of

01:06:30

ordinary witnesses, go away, let’s go

01:06:33

to the farm, I’ll try another couple of

01:06:35

villages here, it’s useless, these won’t give them a

01:06:39

raw-foodist caretaker, the Fuhrer Klitschko himself is from

01:06:42

Kharkov

01:06:50

[ music]

01:07:00

Talalaev and his friends arrived at sunset

01:07:05

[music]

01:07:34

after a short tea party,

01:07:37

the generals switched to beer, and then

01:07:40

their fate and port wine with vodka

01:07:43

cannot be avoided, skip the crack, goodbye

01:07:59

bomb, goodbye

01:08:17

[music]

01:08:33

she's a fat spirit,

01:08:35

but no such luck, soon the grunting was

01:08:40

heard again

01:08:57

[ music]

01:09:08

seasoned at this time the bayonet pleased the

01:09:20

fourth and fifth widow, so Lel is the

01:09:24

intelligent manners of the bayonet, plus to

01:09:26

everything he was favorably distinguished from the local

01:09:28

gentlemen by his reluctance to hit his partners

01:09:30

on the back with his fist at the moment of orgasm to the

01:09:32

bayonet from the body, similar attention, although he

01:09:36

began to exclude that from other external the

01:09:37

decent dead turned out to be

01:09:40

2 or more inhale

01:09:57

[laughter] the wounded

01:10:03

boar leaves the boar you need to

01:10:11

screw him up with a cutlass now he will cut off the big-faced

01:10:34

bomb you had to help out comrade general

01:10:39

decide to catch the pig yourself

01:10:40

accountor the admiral you are worried so

01:10:43

just like wild boars are a wildly ferocious animal

01:10:45

suddenly he will trample the rear admiral damn it

01:10:48

with him seeds, why do you have your own general,

01:10:54

he’s bored, why should

01:11:09

we play with you, and a fighter for

01:11:16

money, money splashes

01:11:19

about how to look like a real soldier is

01:11:23

ready to lay down his head, this is exactly what I

01:11:28

wanted to offer you, a pistol appeared,

01:11:33

load one cartridge and before me

01:11:35

[ music]

01:11:41

[music] like

01:11:49

this,

01:11:51

have fun served and drink for

01:11:54

courage

01:11:57

[music]

01:12:14

[music]

01:12:23

golden eagle

01:12:26

you can turn your back in the bathhouse

01:12:31

repeat [ __ ] question should I

01:12:36

say that I was lucky there is no option,

01:12:39

especially knowing firsthand the character

01:12:42

of the authorities I naturally have not a single

01:12:44

cartridge in the revolver is not inserted

01:12:46

[music]

01:13:07

who is a soldier sitting and guarding a UFO what kind of

01:13:13

soap is natural green pure emerald

01:13:18

she often spins here

01:13:22

educational why green is sad by

01:13:30

definition red red is from Mars

01:13:33

and green is from Venus red is not from

01:13:42

our galaxy but I guessed

01:13:48

somehow it doesn’t land like that, it’s

01:13:50

not our way, it’s certainly they 1 in the distance

01:14:00

much further white one head and it

01:14:03

happens that there are two of these dangerous I

01:14:08

don’t trust there were cases the brain

01:14:15

was penetrated by rays because

01:14:27

aviation without sediment rocket best for

01:14:31

American children comrade

01:14:34

lieutenant general I have long wanted to ask

01:14:37

how the light should be and these need to be washed more often,

01:14:43

no, I’m talking about Bigfoot,

01:14:47

she needs to consult with the rear admiral,

01:14:51

he saw Atlantis, but the

01:14:55

rear admiral had no time for Atlantis,

01:14:58

counter-admiral the admiral furiously trampled the bushes

01:15:01

trying to catch up with the elusive pig, the temporary pig,

01:15:06

or in other words, the bomb,

01:15:08

for obvious reasons, did not give him a chance

01:15:16

[music] [music] [applause] [music] [

01:15:57

music] [music]

01:16:06

[applause]

01:16:12

[music]

01:16:15

commander I don’t Commander Watchman I

01:16:21

get ready young people soon the cemetery

01:16:24

is opening people will come to cry they will come to

01:16:27

see you no pleasure

01:16:49

[music]

01:16:55

talalai and you here stop all sorts of

01:16:59

tests

01:17:06

your little pig turned out to be mutants I had a

01:17:10

black eye and my crotch was taken away we took

01:17:14

into account we relaxed perfectly let's go

01:17:24

guys

01:17:31

[music]

01:17:32

well done fighter amused the old man now you

01:17:36

understand that we have nowhere to retreat, that

01:17:39

Moscow is behind us, I

01:17:40

understand

01:17:53

[music]

01:18:18

well, how is it going

01:18:23

[music]

01:18:28

we hugged and stood for a long time looking at the

01:18:32

horizon where our beautiful

01:18:35

future lay, a few days later we were

01:18:38

sworn in, they gave me a paper with their own

01:18:40

text and put me in front of the line suddenly

01:18:43

Talalaev appeared soldiers you know what

01:18:48

I can tell you and I know that you

01:18:52

can answer me

01:18:54

in short serve

01:19:10

[music]

01:19:16

[music]

01:19:36

Talalaev distributed machine guns to everyone

01:19:39

and who didn’t get them sapper blades

01:19:55

read Golden Eagle

01:20:00

I Bobkov Gennady Romanovich solemnly

01:20:04

swear allegiance to my homeland

01:20:05

Russian Federation I, then our life is a

01:20:09

game

01:20:11

and the most gambling begins when

01:20:13

your health is at stake, at least your health is

01:20:16

even more fun if life can be given as a

01:20:19

bargain only the army is capable of revealing

01:20:22

your internal reserves and turning

01:20:25

rotten dreamers into conquerors of stellar

01:20:27

meridians and other intergalactic

01:20:29

products, take me as someone I was akim, I

01:20:33

became, to put it

01:20:34

mildly to everyone, why yes, because

01:20:38

I am a Russian soldier and a Russian soldier

01:20:42

never surrenders, damn he has nothing to lose, this

01:20:46

is our main military secret

01:20:50

[music]

Description:

Цифровая реставрация 1-й части героического эпоса Поблагодарить: https://pay.cloudtips.ru/p/6ef2576b Режиссёр: Роман Качанов, 2000 год. В ролях: Пётр Коршунков — «Пуля» (рядовой Геннадий Романович Бобков) Станислав Дужников — «Бомба» (рядовой Анатолий Васильевич Пестемеев) Михаил Петровский — «Штык» (рядовой Владислав Михайлович Каширский) Сергей Арцибашев — прапорщик Николай Казаков (Дикий прапор) Сергей Галкин — начальник распределителя, полковник Олег Пащенко — военком Иван Охлобыстин — особист-контрразведчик Виктор Павлов — «Батя», генерал-майор Талалаев Александр Белявский — контр-адмирал Семёныч Юозас Будрайтис (озвучивание: Рудольф Панков) — генерал-лейтенант авиации Владимир Шаинский — генерал-ветеран Александр Тютин — капитан ВВС, сопровождающий генерала-ветерана Александр Дедюшко (озвучивание: Владимир Вихров) — начальник патруля, майор Роман Качанов (озвучивание: Владимир Вихров) — каптёр Гера Либерман Михаил Владимиров — старший сержант Лавров Сергей Габриэлян — ефрейтор Галагура Мисак Геворкян — Махсуд Алиев Владимир Майсурадзе — Улугбек Алиев Олег Кассин — официант Алексей Панин — Пыса Иван Агапов — дядя Витя из Ерденьево (Виктор Эдмондович Башмаков), родственник Пысы Оксана Сташенко — Лариса, вдова Валерий Иваков — «Чёрный дембель» Александр Боровиков — «Чёрный прапор» Владимир Сычёв — стюард на теплоходе Нина Персиянинова — женщина в ресторане Даниил Белых — фельдшер Валерий Трошин — кришнаит Михаил Борисов — Солдат в санчасти больной ветрянкой Сюжет: На призывном пункте судьба сводит совсем не похожих друг на друга парней. Один — студент, отчисленный из института за секс с женой декана прямо в аудитории. Другой — рабочий с завода, устроивший пожар в цеху. Третий — игрок, проигравший в казино крупную сумму чужих денег. В армии, до момента принятия присяги, их всех ждут самые невероятные похождения и приключения. Фильм разбит на четыре новеллы с прологом, связанные общим последовательным сюжетом.

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