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Download "Ari Shaffir: Growing Up Orthodox, How Joe Rogan Saved Comedy, and the Infamous Kobe Bryant Joke"

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  • ruRussian
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00:00:00
somebody told me yesterday that you're
00:00:02
you lead the field among standups for
00:00:04
death threats yeah I was the first one
00:00:05
to get them how Central is Rogan to all
00:00:07
this to this to this ecosystem Rogan was
00:00:10
always passing money around really oh
00:00:13
yeah yeah he kept me in business for a
00:00:15
long time manager dropped me she was
00:00:17
also getting death threats at home
00:00:19
because you made fun of Kobe Bryant dude
00:00:20
Laker fans are [ __ ] do you ever get
00:00:22
people walking out of your shows yeah
00:00:24
all the time it's always a drunk white
00:00:25
woman I mean it is that's who yells at
00:00:28
me
00:00:49
somebody told me yesterday that you're
00:00:51
you lead the field among standups for
00:00:53
death threats yeah I was the first one
00:00:55
to get them why um
00:01:01
I had this uh when I was yeah I don't
00:01:04
know what do you mean you don't know I
00:01:06
mean I don't know exactly so I had this
00:01:08
uh when I was starting in and uh
00:01:10
National andon was doing this like fake
00:01:13
fake um reality show pitches it was like
00:01:16
a the idea was they went up it was all
00:01:19
faked but they all found a box of
00:01:21
pitches for a reality show up in like
00:01:23
the offices of NBC or something but the
00:01:25
craziest pitches possible one was like I
00:01:28
can throw up on command another was was
00:01:30
like i' watch that yeah yeah it was just
00:01:31
a guy who drun APAC and just like barfed
00:01:34
everywhere and mine was called The
00:01:36
Amazing Racist um off The Amazing Race
00:01:39
it was just like a super overboard race
00:01:41
they came to me with the idea and I was
00:01:43
like that's funny but let's like really
00:01:44
go for it if we're going to go for it no
00:01:46
but that was a thing I've seen that oh
00:01:47
you have the You're Amazing Racist yeah
00:01:50
going to the black convenience store in
00:01:51
a clan outfit yeah
00:01:53
yeah so either you get it or you don't
00:01:55
if you're mad I I can see why you get
00:01:57
mad but also like but why
00:02:00
so over the top that of course you're
00:02:02
joking if I'm throwing oranges wait at a
00:02:05
Mexican yelling go back to
00:02:07
Africa that you can't see maybe or like
00:02:09
wait but you're Jewish I'm like right so
00:02:12
if I'm wearing a clown outfit and I'm a
00:02:14
comedian as a Jew wearing a clan outfit
00:02:17
probably not in the clan probably not in
00:02:19
the clan you see it's
00:02:21
ridiculous anyway so my buddy Duncan
00:02:23
Trussell who's a great comic and
00:02:25
hilarious and weird he um early websites
00:02:28
he built a website saying if you prank
00:02:30
my friend Ari shafir um send him a prank
00:02:33
call um record it I'll give you 20 bucks
00:02:36
for the best one this is before all that
00:02:38
stuff came out so the National Lampoons
00:02:39
DVD came out and then somebody ripped it
00:02:41
to the Internet so pretty early YouTube
00:02:42
was like this without context of
00:02:44
National Lampoons just me going hi I'm
00:02:46
Ari shafir not the Amazing Racist let me
00:02:49
do this horrible thing right now um
00:02:51
anyway so people like saw it Googled my
00:02:53
name the first thing that came up was
00:02:55
Duncan before you even click on the you
00:02:56
know the Google search it just says AR
00:02:59
phone number
00:03:00
so the was it your actual phone number
00:03:01
yeah yeah so the but it was pre- doxing
00:03:04
it was before any of that you know
00:03:06
before America got dangerous yeah so I
00:03:09
would just start getting phone calls it
00:03:10
was great like what I'll [ __ ] kill
00:03:13
you you think you're so funny one of
00:03:15
them was I picked up a bunch of uh
00:03:17
Latinos Mexicans saying I want you to
00:03:19
fix my deck and then drove them to the
00:03:21
ins
00:03:22
building start yelling L Migra and they
00:03:25
ran out whatever whatever it was funny
00:03:27
nobody was hurt in the making of it but
00:03:29
people took it seriously people took it
00:03:30
seriously my favorite woman was I'll
00:03:32
build a deck in your ass
00:03:35
Holmes I would just get calls all the
00:03:37
time I had to put my ringer on mute but
00:03:39
do you think I mean they weren't serious
00:03:41
though none of them were real so when
00:03:43
now when people go I've been threatened
00:03:45
I'm like shut up this isn't a real thing
00:03:47
I've been getting it for 20 years but do
00:03:49
you think anybody was actually
00:03:52
offended it's instructive because I got
00:03:54
I would get a few like messages Facebook
00:03:57
back then or Myspace even and it was
00:03:59
like um [ __ ] you you're a piece of [ __ ]
00:04:01
I'm Mexican how dare you and then I'd
00:04:03
like right back like you know it's just
00:04:05
a joke I actually paid all those guys 50
00:04:06
bucks and took them back to where they
00:04:08
working um like nothing actually
00:04:10
happened um and I drove to a library
00:04:14
wasn't even like you know it just looked
00:04:16
like the ins building um and then they
00:04:19
would respond like oh okay I actually
00:04:21
did think it was funny I laughed when I
00:04:23
saw it I'm like so we went from laughing
00:04:25
when you thought to threatening me
00:04:27
because you're supposed to and that is
00:04:29
what it is right people feel this like
00:04:31
moral obligation to be mad about certain
00:04:33
but your real reaction is you were
00:04:34
laughing so do you ever get people
00:04:36
walking out of your shows yeah all the
00:04:38
time all the time why do you think they
00:04:40
do that number of reasons too dirty is
00:04:42
the main yeah I don't want to hear about
00:04:44
sex you know so that's that's an okay
00:04:46
one yeah it used to be the dirty Comics
00:04:48
were like it's cheap you're dirty oh you
00:04:50
talk about [ __ ] and it was like okay
00:04:52
fine and so then the clean comics were
00:04:54
like I'm a well-written comedian I can
00:04:56
do you know whatever
00:04:58
um and they just look down on us but it
00:05:01
wasn't a moral thing right now it's a
00:05:03
moral thing they put them on a moral
00:05:05
High Ground they put these people on
00:05:06
moral low ground so like you're kind of
00:05:08
evil for doing it not just like cheap or
00:05:11
easy you're you're wrong you are wrong
00:05:14
you're immoral yeah and it's like but
00:05:16
it's the same thing so sex is one sex is
00:05:20
one I mean I remember I had a I had a at
00:05:23
the comedy seller I'll H people walk out
00:05:24
all the time the the door guys laugh
00:05:26
about it they're like every time
00:05:27
somebody leaves crying it's you they
00:05:30
walk out past me literally crying and
00:05:32
it's it's always a drunk white woman I
00:05:34
mean it is that's who yells at me what
00:05:37
is
00:05:38
that they well one they
00:05:41
suck why do you think they've never had
00:05:43
any problems so they had the slightest
00:05:45
problem like this is the worst you ever
00:05:47
see rich people that were like they're
00:05:49
like my flight was delayed I they like
00:05:51
shut up you sat in first class and your
00:05:53
flight was delay an hour and you're
00:05:54
bitching shut up so you think it's just
00:05:57
like any inconvenience theyve never
00:05:59
right so this is the worst case scenario
00:06:01
is a slight inconvenience I had to hear
00:06:03
something I didn't like to hear but in a
00:06:04
functioning Society you like you have a
00:06:05
man at home to calm you down maybe
00:06:07
that's part of the problem well you yeah
00:06:09
you so you see it at the shows the man
00:06:11
that's with them sometimes is either
00:06:13
like quiet or they're they just like
00:06:16
like you could see them resigned like
00:06:18
you deal with it bro I'm not going to
00:06:19
[ __ ] I got to live with it so if I tell
00:06:21
her to shut up I got to this is a month
00:06:23
of pay do they Heckle you yeah they bit
00:06:25
mad so I had a lady walking outside like
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maybe a year ago and I remember like oh
00:06:30
this lady got really mad I didn't notice
00:06:31
it but like she was really
00:06:34
mad um and I was like which joke was it
00:06:38
Holocaust stuff was it Down syndrome
00:06:40
stuff was it the war in Gaza stuff like
00:06:42
it could have been any one thing and and
00:06:44
it's not all of them it's the only thing
00:06:46
that you feel personally like this is
00:06:48
the line is the one that walk out on and
00:06:51
I I didn't think anything of it and then
00:06:52
I was hanging out had a drink up there
00:06:54
and then I left like 30 minutes later
00:06:56
and this is always the F they want to
00:06:58
tell you that they were right and I'm
00:06:59
walking out and I pass by some woman she
00:07:02
goes you're a piece of
00:07:03
[ __ ] what I've gotten that what did you
00:07:07
say the lady I just started laughing in
00:07:09
her face and walked away I'm not going
00:07:11
to give her an argument so she stayed to
00:07:13
tell you that yeah yeah yeah it's funny
00:07:15
when they leave and then stay it's it's
00:07:18
it used to be just write a shitty yel
00:07:19
review if you didn't get the service you
00:07:22
wanted and how did she respond when you
00:07:23
laugh at her they can't understand it
00:07:25
they like no you should be mad I'm like
00:07:27
I'm not combating you I I was just
00:07:29
making jokes everybody else was laughing
00:07:31
I'm just doing this for everyone for the
00:07:32
joy but it's also funny when you walk
00:07:35
out angry we're all laughing at you for
00:07:37
not getting it and it's you never rise
00:07:40
to the bait I have before yeah but it
00:07:43
it's never a good idea no it's not a
00:07:45
good idea yeah it's and it's also it's
00:07:47
just fun to toy with them you know to be
00:07:51
like I think you're right and I will
00:07:53
learn from this it's just fun to [ __ ]
00:07:55
with them sometimes has it gotten better
00:07:57
or worse it feels like people are Freer
00:07:59
say what they think all of a
00:08:00
sudden yeah you know internet everyone
00:08:03
feel they have their 40 followers so
00:08:05
like they're celebrity the small
00:08:07
celebrity feels like the strike zone is
00:08:08
wider than it was two years ago what do
00:08:10
you mean Strike Zone I mean you're
00:08:13
allowed to say more things or there are
00:08:14
fewer umpires or they're just we're
00:08:17
allowed to say more things or angry
00:08:18
people allowed to say more things
00:08:19
everybody's allowed to say more
00:08:21
things it felt like they for a while
00:08:23
there only like four things you were
00:08:24
allowed to say and now I hear people
00:08:28
giving opinions that way better than
00:08:30
Millennials why
00:08:32
jenz okay so you ski or snowboard yeah
00:08:36
which one ski nice well obviously don't
00:08:39
snowboard I mean come on now yeah well
00:08:43
so I was a skier in what late 80s
00:08:45
snowboard started mid 80s yeah yeah and
00:08:49
everyone's like I'm not skiing that's my
00:08:50
[ __ ] Dad I'm a snowboarder it's cool
00:08:53
and then a generation passed and now the
00:08:55
kids are like I'm not snowboarding
00:08:57
that's for my father yeah so they go the
00:08:59
opposite way I just I I stayed true to
00:09:01
skiing and it never changed you still
00:09:04
yeah yeah all mountains should be no
00:09:06
snowboard Ms completely agree I think
00:09:07
there's only one in theit jumping out of
00:09:09
the [ __ ] ala in Deer Valley too dear
00:09:12
Valley yeah yeah icons got it right
00:09:15
wreck the snow they wreck the snow they
00:09:17
slide down it's Mobile City after they
00:09:19
get done with it and they take out old
00:09:21
people which I will be soon jump out of
00:09:22
the trees have a spotter just have a
00:09:25
[ __ ] Spotter and they're too high
00:09:27
actually well little high is fine but
00:09:29
they're way too high I mean I've seen
00:09:31
fell off a lift you drunk I was trying
00:09:34
to get on you know the thing where you
00:09:35
put your skis under you so I was like I
00:09:37
saw some cool like people do I was like
00:09:38
let me do that I was trying to do it but
00:09:39
then I started getting pushed you know
00:09:41
by the and I'm like trying to do it and
00:09:42
then I was just down that hurts it does
00:09:46
yeah your bindings don't release when
00:09:47
you follow off the ski lift yeah it was
00:09:49
on the floor though and then so I was
00:09:51
probably put my head up oh man just
00:09:52
shoved my head back down cuz it it was
00:09:54
going to drop it off so you think people
00:09:56
in their 20s are better than people in
00:09:57
their 30s 40s so anyway the these people
00:09:59
in the the Gen zers looked at the
00:10:01
Millennials their ants and their [ __ ]
00:10:03
whatever and they're like you guys are
00:10:04
angry and we don't want to be like you
00:10:07
and they understand at least for standup
00:10:08
comedy like we know they're not serious
00:10:10
you guys didn't know they weren't
00:10:11
serious we know they're not serious so
00:10:14
when they
00:10:15
say I I don't know let's bring slavery
00:10:18
about let's give it another chance we
00:10:19
know you're you're being ridiculous we
00:10:21
know it's Jonathan Swift it's it's it's
00:10:23
fine so then they're like well now we
00:10:25
can laugh you don't mean that are you
00:10:27
ever offended by anything I mean do you
00:10:29
have a red
00:10:30
line well I wouldn't like try to silence
00:10:34
it but some stuff is like no I just mean
00:10:36
is anything personally offensive to
00:10:39
you have you ever heard a joke where
00:10:41
you're like ah I'm not into it yeah
00:10:43
there's certain times if like if I just
00:10:45
heard my dad speak about the Holocaust
00:10:47
and I hear a holocaust joke I'm like
00:10:48
just not in the mood yeah um but there
00:10:51
are other times you're you're but also
00:10:52
I'll just quietly
00:10:55
leave or if it's like political jokes
00:10:57
I'm like I don't I don't get the
00:10:59
references here right I just don't
00:11:01
follow it yeah I notic that at breakfast
00:11:03
this morning you're not covering falling
00:11:04
politics I'm like is that a good guy but
00:11:06
how are you going to deal with I mean
00:11:08
there are some political stories are
00:11:09
sort of unavoidable like the current one
00:11:12
with Biden like how are you like what do
00:11:14
you make of that with like the like his
00:11:16
physical condition his mental condition
00:11:19
I just hear people talking oh you
00:11:20
haven't seen any of it a little like
00:11:23
from from people referencing on standup
00:11:25
comedy Clips like Shane had one where
00:11:28
he's like talking about how he left the
00:11:29
stage real slow and he was talking about
00:11:30
like I've done that drunk having to like
00:11:32
Sid step oh but you haven't seen any of
00:11:34
the video it's uninteresting do do you
00:11:36
live in this country yeah how do you
00:11:38
avoid that I do not for six years I
00:11:41
haven't read or watched the news really
00:11:43
if it's on I'll avoid I'll leave the
00:11:45
room why it's hatred it's it's terrible
00:11:48
it's puts you in a terrible mental state
00:11:50
for for some of you don't affect
00:11:52
everyone thinks they're making a
00:11:53
difference they're not I mean you had a
00:11:57
popular show on on like on major Network
00:11:59
yeah you also didn't make a difference
00:12:02
Rogan doesn't make well I got fired yeah
00:12:04
but like this idea like I'm going to
00:12:05
change everything n the high level guys
00:12:08
who had a reach who had a reach maybe
00:12:09
you could cuz you reach a lot of people
00:12:11
I don't think I did but like I agree
00:12:13
with you you being upset about Biden or
00:12:16
Trump it's like what is it doing it's
00:12:17
gonna happen regardless it's like being
00:12:19
upset about the rain you really think so
00:12:22
so it's it sounds like you don't bu the
00:12:23
premise of
00:12:24
democracy listen it how should I say
00:12:28
this the black vote matters right one
00:12:30
black vote doesn't matter right that's
00:12:32
that's correct yeah so it's just like
00:12:35
why get involved in Romania and Slovenia
00:12:37
they just had well or you just got back
00:12:40
from Australia yeah so like they I
00:12:42
always loved how they felt about it our
00:12:44
government's crooked we can't do
00:12:45
anything let's get drunk and do the
00:12:48
worst Coke in the world and that's what
00:12:50
they you you didn't really participate
00:12:52
in Australian culture but I didn't
00:12:54
participate it's mostly baby powder and
00:12:57
it's the most overpriced world too
00:12:59
cigarettes are $60 a pack it was wild
00:13:03
yeah I left I bought a pouch and I was
00:13:06
like and then I was I I didn't think
00:13:07
about the price I was like ring it up a
00:13:08
pouch of tobacco yeah and then uh and
00:13:10
then uh I bought another one and U where
00:13:13
in Gold Coast and that was like 63 I'm
00:13:15
like no that's crazy yeah and he goes
00:13:18
That's how much it is and it's like I
00:13:19
thought it was like a tourist spot and I
00:13:21
was like [ __ ] up dude I just bought it
00:13:22
for 40 and he goes no you didn't did you
00:13:24
like the lung cancer pictures on the
00:13:25
package I did have to trade a pack cuz
00:13:28
I'm like this one's too grph it's too
00:13:29
gross you almost don't want to smoke
00:13:31
give me a dead baby I don't I don't want
00:13:32
to see the the the missing T dead baby
00:13:34
doesn't doesn't hurt me well it wasn't
00:13:36
caused by smoking yeah it's caused by
00:13:39
the
00:13:40
ozone
00:13:42
so yeah I just don't pay attent it's
00:13:44
gonna happen regardless why why lose
00:13:47
sleep over but what about the idea that
00:13:50
um if you don't do anything about it
00:13:52
then it just gets worse and worse and
00:13:53
worse if Society doesn't do anything
00:13:55
about it it gets worse and worse if I
00:13:56
don't do anything about it it's not
00:13:58
going to change obligation to
00:14:01
vote if you don't vote you're not
00:14:03
allowed to complain can I tell you
00:14:04
something that no one seems to get on my
00:14:06
side on if you think the system is
00:14:10
corrupt yeah participation in the system
00:14:13
is you co-signing the
00:14:15
system so it's like it doesn't matter
00:14:18
which side you're voting on this corrupt
00:14:19
they both lie to you two-party only
00:14:22
possibilities which is what they
00:14:23
revolting in in Hong Kong here's your
00:14:25
two possible choices only just saying
00:14:27
okay well I'll take this one is you say
00:14:29
yeah this system I agree with it and I
00:14:31
don't agree with the system well at all
00:14:33
I'm sympathetic to what you're saying
00:14:34
I'm actually not dismissing you out of
00:14:36
hand because I think you're making a
00:14:37
pretty solid point the the problem
00:14:39
though is it could get to the point
00:14:41
where they show up at your house and
00:14:42
start hassling you directly who the
00:14:45
government to vote no no no to I mean
00:14:48
the government gets in the wrong hands
00:14:50
like it can be pretty intrusive I guess
00:14:54
so yeah but like here's two problems
00:14:57
with that one it's a worst case scenario
00:14:59
iio way of living right um I mean I've
00:15:02
heard the Holocaust is coming back my
00:15:04
entire life this can lead to the
00:15:06
Holocaust George Bush could be Hitler
00:15:10
Trump was Hitler Trump was definitely
00:15:12
Hitler right everybody's Hitler and I'm
00:15:14
like I don't where where is this
00:15:16
happening um so it's like you hear these
00:15:18
worst case scenarios all the time they
00:15:19
don't come to fruition and also it's
00:15:21
like you still won't have any effect on
00:15:22
it when they were talking about going to
00:15:23
war with Iran they're like this is a
00:15:25
nuclear Holocaust and everyone was
00:15:26
bitching about it and I was scared
00:15:30
and I'm like you guys can lose your last
00:15:31
days if there's a nuclear Holocaust
00:15:33
coming these are your last days and I
00:15:35
spend it skiing and you spend it arguing
00:15:37
online with a
00:15:39
stranger like who's God gonna say did it
00:15:42
right you know no that's that's that's
00:15:44
actually completely you're not actually
00:15:47
affecting it and if enough people
00:15:49
there's a whole book in the Jewish Bible
00:15:50
called Ecclesiastes that basically makes
00:15:52
this point really yeah interesting you
00:15:54
should Ecclesiastes what's that in
00:15:56
Hebrew do you know I don't yeah some of
00:15:58
them were like genesis I'm like I don't
00:16:00
know that word I know the oh is thata
00:16:02
yeah they don't call it Genesis no so I
00:16:06
had to like do theonomy I was like H
00:16:07
which one is that again how long did you
00:16:09
spend in Yeshiva two years after high
00:16:11
school but my entire all high school did
00:16:14
you think you were going to be a rabbi
00:16:15
it's possibility really yeah it was like
00:16:19
Poss possibility what was that like it
00:16:21
was like in pre-law what do you do in
00:16:22
your Shiva by the way study pardon my
00:16:24
ignorance like what's the what's the
00:16:26
schedule like you wake up when and do
00:16:28
what that's part of your culture just to
00:16:30
be ignorant yeah I'm not a chosen
00:16:34
person you wake up you uh do a little
00:16:37
learning um that's like Choose Your Own
00:16:40
Adventure that so it might be like
00:16:42
profits um one of the side books or
00:16:45
something um and then you pray then you
00:16:48
go have
00:16:50
breakfast um that's like breakfast ends
00:16:53
at like 9:00 so 9 to 1 you learn tall
00:16:57
mud then one to two is is this just
00:17:00
independent study or just reading it by
00:17:01
yourself there's classes and then
00:17:04
there's also like and then also
00:17:05
independent but there's classes we're a
00:17:08
rabbi dude we had a rabbi who was like
00:17:10
teaching us one of the one of the books
00:17:11
of the gamar the
00:17:13
tomwood he's so smart I forget his name
00:17:16
oh that's embarrassing that's
00:17:17
embarrassing who is it I don't know but
00:17:19
to have you can check no it's all right
00:17:21
no tell me who called oh it's your mom
00:17:24
hold on hey he's busy right now I'll get
00:17:27
back to you later all right bye Miss by
00:17:29
Miss by Miss Tucker
00:17:32
um that that's what she went by too M
00:17:36
Tucker um anyway he was teaching us and
00:17:40
then doing it really well and and then
00:17:43
somebody went to the bathroom and they
00:17:44
they came I forget his name let's call
00:17:46
him Rabbi Jew and uh they Rabbi Jew this
00:17:49
isn't the right book and he goes uh yeah
00:17:51
I forgot the I forgot the but I was tell
00:17:53
said I took the wrong one like you've
00:17:55
been teaching us from it the whole class
00:17:58
and he goes yeah he just knows it by
00:18:00
heart it was actually like a John Irving
00:18:02
novel it was just a different track date
00:18:03
it was like the encyclopedia you're
00:18:04
doing the E and he's reading from FS but
00:18:06
he's still word for word on the ease it
00:18:09
was crazy so he'd memorized it yeah
00:18:12
which is it was an oral tradition it was
00:18:13
passed down orally for a long time what
00:18:17
was it
00:18:18
interesting the tud yeah oh yeah so many
00:18:23
fun so not fun but like yeah like I was
00:18:26
telling you at breakfast by the way guys
00:18:28
Tucker charlon feeds his guest breakfast
00:18:30
of course I do yeah what's your podcast
00:18:34
do um yeah it was like if you
00:18:37
accidentally kill uh someone like you
00:18:39
have to replace their their their wife
00:18:41
you have to pay their wife this is what
00:18:42
I was talking about and like a a a
00:18:44
doctor's wife you pay more than a
00:18:46
garbage man's wife and then it's all
00:18:47
arguing like is a is a garbage man worth
00:18:50
less does he have less value than a
00:18:53
doctor and then it's like the arguing
00:18:54
arguing arguing it's like no you're just
00:18:56
trying to like you have a responsibility
00:18:58
to keep her way of life to keep her like
00:19:00
richness there so you have to pay her
00:19:02
based on her income it's kind of like
00:19:04
divorce now do do you debate this in
00:19:07
class yeah so you debate it you talk
00:19:08
about it then there's secondary rabbis
00:19:10
who all wait in and no no but do you
00:19:12
debate it at Yeshiva does do the
00:19:13
students say you know what I just don't
00:19:15
agree with this at
00:19:17
all are you allowed to debate the yeah
00:19:19
yeah 100% it's all based in like say
00:19:21
what you think is not right here there's
00:19:23
a Philip Roth book conversion to the
00:19:25
Jews uh it's a short story yeah I never
00:19:27
read it it's about uh it's pretty good
00:19:29
and uh and uh yeah Philip Roth and um
00:19:33
Po's complaint guy yeah um and it was
00:19:37
just about this kid in Yeshiva in
00:19:39
Brooklyn who was like I don't understand
00:19:41
if God couldn't create everything the
00:19:44
animals and light out of Darkness he
00:19:46
goes that one always got me there was
00:19:47
there was darkness and he made light for
00:19:49
the first time I always got me and he
00:19:51
goes why couldn't he make a son they
00:19:53
like no God can't have a son he like but
00:19:54
why he did all this other stuff how come
00:19:56
he can't you're supposed to ask these
00:19:57
questions
00:19:59
so there's no penalty for there's no
00:20:01
penalty it's based in for 100% you
00:20:03
should be asking questions we should
00:20:05
have answers if we don't then your
00:20:07
question is correct and sounds like a
00:20:09
great education it's great ask every if
00:20:11
it doesn't make sense you got to ask and
00:20:14
we should have an explanation you
00:20:15
shouldn't be like don't ask this stuff
00:20:16
how many a Shiva students become
00:20:20
stand-ups not many not many there's a
00:20:22
couple but not many it it seems kind of
00:20:25
like a natural training ground for it
00:20:27
it's it was so helpful that the logic
00:20:29
bases of it that between that and an
00:20:31
English major where you're also just
00:20:33
same thing kind of analing what what's
00:20:35
he doing what does this mean um it's
00:20:38
just a great way of looking at humanity
00:20:41
and then like writing a joke about it
00:20:43
what do your rabbis and classmates think
00:20:45
of what you
00:20:48
do well so it's it's the religion part
00:20:51
and it's also the culture part right so
00:20:53
the culture part was like what are you
00:20:54
doing you're not making a living this is
00:20:56
ridiculous this is embarrassing think
00:20:58
you were making a living I wasn't for 10
00:21:01
years you know temp jobs and whatever
00:21:03
really yeah it's what kind of temp jobs
00:21:06
I worked for the Beverly Hills Chamber
00:21:07
of Commerce
00:21:09
um I just did like data entry in
00:21:12
different places um moving boxes this in
00:21:16
commercial I got started booking
00:21:17
commercials for a while I had a weird
00:21:19
look that helped but that was like five
00:21:20
six years in was just poverty which but
00:21:24
it was also great training because now
00:21:27
you seem
00:21:29
pretty immune immune to finances to the
00:21:33
dangers to the dangers yeah you have
00:21:35
money but you seem kind of I don't know
00:21:38
you well enough but you seem like you're
00:21:39
resistant to letting it I was talking to
00:21:42
you about Jake Hanmer hand he won't take
00:21:44
he won't take uh advertising money so he
00:21:46
doesn't want anybody pressuring him to
00:21:47
cover yeah I don't think should worship
00:21:48
money I'm opposed to that yeah I don't
00:21:51
think it makes you Happ debt makes you
00:21:52
unhappy right money does not make severe
00:21:55
lack of money makes you 100% that is
00:21:56
real but I was broke for long enough I
00:21:58
don't need these things anymore I'm
00:22:01
happy with like oh I got a Nile seed you
00:22:03
know I don't need to fly private or
00:22:05
first class it's it's nice but like not
00:22:08
I don't I sleep in hosts you know I love
00:22:10
that yeah it's
00:22:12
it's yeah so I'm free of it and it frees
00:22:14
me up to do fun things so you took that
00:22:17
experience and did a special on Judaism
00:22:20
mhm yeah you got to watch it why'd you
00:22:23
do that I mean I've been looking at this
00:22:26
stuff for forever and I just wasn't good
00:22:27
enough to do it but it was always on my
00:22:29
mind if you're wondering how big Tech
00:22:31
got powerful enough to void the First
00:22:33
Amendment to the Constitution of the
00:22:35
United States how to get big enough to
00:22:37
nullify the founding documents of the
00:22:40
most powerful company in the
00:22:42
world well simple they got really rich
00:22:45
money is power well how' they get rich
00:22:48
from information your information which
00:22:51
you keep giving to them how do you do
00:22:54
that well every time you use the
00:22:56
internet unprotected your hand in all of
00:22:59
your online activity all the details
00:23:01
about you to Silicon Valley which sells
00:23:04
it including to government agencies
00:23:07
which use it to spy on you that's why
00:23:10
it's probably not a good idea to go
00:23:12
online unprotected not just for your own
00:23:14
sake but for the sake of the country how
00:23:16
do you fight back well with
00:23:20
expressvpn expressvpn is an app that
00:23:22
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00:23:25
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00:23:27
what does that do well it makes
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00:23:31
your internet provider and then to data
00:23:34
Brokers and to the government agencies
00:23:36
that buy that data that means anyone out
00:23:39
there trying to profit from you and your
00:23:41
personal data can't well how do we know
00:23:44
it works well we know for a fact it
00:23:47
works because this winter when my
00:23:48
producers and I were in Russia
00:23:50
conducting interviews including with the
00:23:52
president of that country internet
00:23:54
traffic was getting blocked by the
00:23:55
government so we got an Express VPN
00:23:57
account and we're a able to get that
00:23:59
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00:24:02
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00:24:06
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Tucker for three extra months free and
00:25:12
we hope you will the non-jews have seven
00:25:14
laws of Noah that's all you got to do
00:25:16
and you get into heaven and they're
00:25:18
pretty easy they're great they're pretty
00:25:20
easy don't eat an animal while it's
00:25:22
still living exact should be a
00:25:23
no-brainer don't kill don't kill harder
00:25:26
for some people but not others don't
00:25:27
rape even harder for some people but
00:25:29
most are still on the right side of it I
00:25:30
forget what the other ones are adultery
00:25:33
yeah it's not that hard and you get to
00:25:35
go to heaven and you'll be right
00:25:36
alongside a rabbi well not only that
00:25:38
they're they're like very reasonable
00:25:40
yeah they're not like hard ones to do no
00:25:42
they're they're all kind of rooted in
00:25:44
natural law no I I read that and I yeah
00:25:47
when you convert they're like what are
00:25:48
you doing this for you're just going to
00:25:49
make it harder on yourself you're going
00:25:51
to heaven already know that's
00:25:52
interesting okay you don't feel there's
00:25:53
any contempt at all in that there
00:25:55
becomes contempt you know
00:25:59
at the end where it's like well you're
00:26:00
not in our group so kind of [ __ ] you but
00:26:01
that's not in the law I mean even Jesus
00:26:04
is like accept everyone take them in
00:26:06
right but people don't really do that no
00:26:09
you know not at all yeah so but the I
00:26:13
think I do think that the Sabbath laws
00:26:15
are you know like if you're using
00:26:18
somebody else to do something that
00:26:19
you're not allowed to do yeah well I
00:26:21
talk about the loopholes in that special
00:26:22
where it's like you're actually not
00:26:23
allowed to fully ask them can you turn
00:26:25
this light on because then that's like
00:26:26
you're doing it
00:26:29
it sure is dark in here you know I'm not
00:26:31
allowed to turn the lights on N are
00:26:37
allowed but uh I can't do it it does
00:26:40
suck I want to
00:26:43
read it's so Loop holy it's great um but
00:26:48
what was the moment where you decided so
00:26:50
you can't use electricity I was in a
00:26:52
dorm room in a in a in aiva that's
00:26:54
closed now in ban Jerusalem and there
00:26:57
was a light a reading light above my bed
00:26:59
and you could use that to like read tomw
00:27:01
before you go to sleep or whatever left
00:27:03
it on on chabas and what I was going to
00:27:06
do was take a a handwashing cup there
00:27:08
like a ritual hand washing you do in the
00:27:10
mornings and before uh bread um and I
00:27:13
was going to put that over the light it
00:27:16
was like this this like little ball and
00:27:18
I was going to put it over like drown
00:27:19
the light so light's still on it's just
00:27:21
drowned out the cup kept falling kept
00:27:24
putting it on there it kept cuz it's
00:27:25
round the bait it just kept falling off
00:27:28
wouldn't stay on and the light was in my
00:27:29
eye and it was frustrating you want to
00:27:31
sleep and you can't and at some point I
00:27:34
was like I'm just going to turn it off
00:27:36
it's Friday night I'm not allowed but
00:27:38
then my so the the entrance to the
00:27:40
Yeshiva was like right here my window is
00:27:42
right here so anyone coming in or out
00:27:44
would see my light go off and they'd be
00:27:46
like we're all super Orthodox Jews no
00:27:50
light can go on or off we'll we'll
00:27:52
noticed that on a Friday night and I was
00:27:53
like ah [ __ ] I'll get caught I'll get in
00:27:55
trouble if I do
00:27:56
this so I didn't do it it didn't even do
00:27:59
it didn't break any
00:28:01
law but I thought about it for like a
00:28:04
couple years the fact that I was more
00:28:06
worried about a man getting me in
00:28:08
trouble than God when it's God's law
00:28:11
it's not man's
00:28:12
law um jaywalking sure I'll make look
00:28:15
for a cop before I do that you know but
00:28:17
but the Sabbath stuff that's all just
00:28:19
God I shouldn't give a [ __ ] about Jews
00:28:21
seeing me um there's in the Torah
00:28:23
there's like a a worse punishment for
00:28:26
someone who steals in secrecy than it
00:28:27
steals brazenly cuz at least it's
00:28:29
stealing brazenly exactly you're not
00:28:31
worried about man catching you exactly
00:28:33
and you're like well [ __ ] God either way
00:28:34
but but I don't give a [ __ ] about man so
00:28:37
the fact that I was more worried about
00:28:38
people getting me in trouble than God
00:28:40
and I was talking about I was like I
00:28:41
don't think I believe in him or I
00:28:43
wouldn't have done it if I believed
00:28:45
there was this like you know old man in
00:28:47
heaven saying don't do this it'll be bad
00:28:49
for your mortal soul I just wouldn't do
00:28:52
it uh compared to like if your dad's in
00:28:54
the room you don't masturbate right
00:28:57
because you believe he's real of course
00:28:59
and his reaction is pretty obvious what
00:29:01
it would be but you're not just going to
00:29:03
start jerking like oh the [ __ ] I didn't
00:29:05
know you were real that you know you're
00:29:07
100% sure he's real and I wasn't sure
00:29:09
God was real and I was just like and
00:29:11
then I just looked more and more and I
00:29:12
was like think I'm
00:29:15
out maybe the lesson is you care too
00:29:17
much what other people think maybe maybe
00:29:20
right no I mean that's another way to
00:29:21
look at it yeah yeah so anyway so my
00:29:23
friends got mad they're like no you
00:29:24
can't leave religion like well if you
00:29:25
don't believe in God take the Torah the
00:29:26
holy sacred scroll and throw it in the
00:29:28
floor which is like if you see it fall
00:29:31
you to fast for like I don't know how
00:29:32
long um and I'm like no I still respect
00:29:35
you guys I'm not going to like it's so
00:29:38
rude you told your friends your a few of
00:29:41
them some were angry some were like
00:29:44
disappointed nobody was like
00:29:46
cool
00:29:48
nobody what' your parents say pretty
00:29:52
mad yeah they were like well you're
00:29:54
going to lose the culture they're all
00:29:56
fine now so in hindsight it's fine but
00:29:58
they at that they're totally fine now
00:30:00
it's just like but at the time they were
00:30:02
like what the [ __ ] they were really mad
00:30:04
it was like uh yeah they were like even
00:30:07
a dog believes in God that's true you're
00:30:09
lower than a dog did they say yeah yeah
00:30:12
but I was like show me that research
00:30:14
what are you talking about who's done a
00:30:15
study on that um but totally fine now so
00:30:20
how did you decide you want to go into
00:30:21
stand up from there I always kind of
00:30:23
liked being the Joker uh and then my
00:30:26
friend ammy Butler was uh he was like
00:30:27
you should try it should try stand up so
00:30:29
you moved back from Israel moved back
00:30:31
from Israel went to University of
00:30:32
Maryland couple years no first went to
00:30:35
Yeshiva University in New York that's
00:30:37
where I kind of like fully lost the
00:30:39
religion and I'm like what's the point
00:30:40
of paying for a split curriculum yeah of
00:30:42
course college so I switched to State
00:30:44
School um got laid for the first time
00:30:49
ever yeah it was [ __ ] it's nice if
00:30:52
you haven't tried it you should [ __ ] I
00:30:55
it's great BR it's great you're busy
00:30:58
destroying Democrats Jewish girl uh no
00:31:02
no I have oh so you went all the way out
00:31:05
then they look too much like me you know
00:31:08
it's like [ __ ] a
00:31:10
miror it's not the
00:31:13
best you're like I'm legally not allowed
00:31:15
to join in on this um yeah I went yeah I
00:31:18
just had it was nuts was so CR got a
00:31:22
[ __ ] oh did you call your friends
00:31:24
back and the she and tell them no I did
00:31:27
not I did not we I'm friends with a
00:31:30
couple of them still um but not many
00:31:32
it's just a different world now plus
00:31:34
they all have kids it's like Co how many
00:31:37
of them got married all of them all of
00:31:40
them yeah so everybody gets married
00:31:42
everybody gets married yeah at what age
00:31:43
and have kids sister got married at
00:31:46
20 wasn't that like crazy it was just
00:31:48
like a touch early but not really but
00:31:51
all those marriages seem to survive they
00:31:52
really do right it's interesting well
00:31:54
I've noticed that yeah what's the
00:31:55
divorce rate among Orthodox Jews so we
00:31:58
had one divorced couple growing up in my
00:32:00
neighborhood and was like whoa can you
00:32:01
believe it they're
00:32:04
divorced we thought it was so nuts and
00:32:06
then when I got to University of
00:32:07
Maryland and everybody's parents were
00:32:09
split and I was like what so what works
00:32:13
better I I guess it's what you're
00:32:15
looking for in your marriage where it's
00:32:17
just a union to like be a family unit
00:32:20
and raise kids is the most important
00:32:22
thing so like this is fine this works
00:32:23
for that or it's like do I want
00:32:24
fulfillment and
00:32:26
like yeah you don't think they're
00:32:29
fulfilled I think if you're all you want
00:32:31
as family then yeah you're fulfilled you
00:32:33
got a great family you know you're part
00:32:34
of the
00:32:35
community but if you're
00:32:38
like yeah they say it's like it's like
00:32:40
misogynist Judaism because the women
00:32:42
just stay at home but I'm like no
00:32:43
they're there to raise the family right
00:32:45
it's not like you're not allowed to work
00:32:47
it's like this is your part this is his
00:32:49
part you're he's raising money for the
00:32:51
family you're do you think a lot of
00:32:52
Orthodox mothers secretly want to work
00:32:54
at banks no I think they do yeah exactly
00:32:58
this isn't Fun and it's voluntary you
00:33:00
don't have to join this lifestyle right
00:33:02
yeah right well if you're raised in it
00:33:04
you kind of
00:33:05
do it's not legally but you know do you
00:33:08
ever have any regrets you didn't become
00:33:09
a rabbi
00:33:11
no no uh-uh no I'm having a great time
00:33:16
some of them will look down on me and be
00:33:17
like they'll be deme like you'll be back
00:33:19
and like talk down to me and it's like
00:33:21
you guys [ __ ] suck you don't think
00:33:22
you will be back
00:33:24
no what to what I don't know I if you're
00:33:28
getting your dick sucked that's totally
00:33:30
illegal in that religion is it really
00:33:32
yeah it's wasting seed roal sex is
00:33:34
illegal yeah I didn't know that it's
00:33:36
wasting seed condoms are illegal but the
00:33:39
sheet thing is not real sheet thing's
00:33:41
not real this all and arish shaer Jew on
00:33:44
YouTube now um so you got to the bottom
00:33:46
of the sheet
00:33:47
rumor I was fooled That's How Strong a
00:33:49
rumor it was really I was fooled did you
00:33:52
ever talk about that in
00:33:53
Yeshiva no but I thought I had a rabbi
00:33:55
who definitely did it and and my friend
00:33:57
was like that's a false memory no way
00:34:00
cuz it doesn't
00:34:01
exist who spread that rumor that's a
00:34:03
pretty uh I think it comes from SE seed
00:34:06
it's like this um when so there 613
00:34:09
Commandments God I lived in this for for
00:34:11
[ __ ] five years I forgot about all of
00:34:13
it and then I lived in it for five years
00:34:14
trying to like go over the stuff again
00:34:16
and then I just put it behind me again
00:34:18
when you mentioned tomwood and I brought
00:34:19
out Stein salts out of like I don't know
00:34:21
where that came from I was very
00:34:22
impressed yeah I didn't know what the
00:34:24
Tet was yeah until pretty recently I'm
00:34:27
reading it actually think it's really
00:34:28
interesting it's very interesting but
00:34:30
there's this so one of The Commandments
00:34:31
you try to do as many as you can some of
00:34:32
them are uh big Temple based so you just
00:34:35
can't anymore because we don't have a
00:34:37
temple um that's in 70 AD boom uh
00:34:42
they're going to have another one the
00:34:43
Messiah they say so those laws will be
00:34:45
back but you try to do as many as you
00:34:46
can they're good deeds and they're bad
00:34:48
Deeds but they're all like
00:34:49
Commandments um 613 of them one of them
00:34:53
is if you have a four corner garment a
00:34:54
poncho you have to tie these tassels to
00:34:57
the end them so sometimes you'll see
00:34:58
strings coming out from okay so they
00:35:01
make themselves a four cornered garment
00:35:04
so that they can do that commandment you
00:35:06
know and it looks like a t-shirt
00:35:08
underneath underneath their shirt it's
00:35:10
like you don't even need it but you're
00:35:11
like here's our chance to wear it um
00:35:13
have you ever worn one oh yeah all the
00:35:15
time is it comfortable it's neither here
00:35:18
nor there it goes in between a T-shirt
00:35:19
and your
00:35:20
overshirt So you you're barely even
00:35:23
notic oh so you're wearing three layers
00:35:25
yeah that's a lot yeah that's why they
00:35:27
smell they don't [ __ ] wash their [ __ ]
00:35:28
how is that they don't do they is that
00:35:30
they do smell what is that it's just
00:35:33
like soap is
00:35:36
expensive so I always thought that was
00:35:38
that was bigotry from from secular Jews
00:35:40
are always yeah yeah yeah no they do
00:35:42
smell a lot it's also like you're
00:35:43
wearing you're [ __ ] dressed like
00:35:44
Johnny Cash In The Summertime it's gonna
00:35:46
[ __ ] it's gonna stink after a while
00:35:48
you gotta watch that all time Jerusalem
00:35:49
in August is oh oh it's disgusting it's
00:35:53
like [ __ ] yangan that's actually true
00:35:56
yeah yeah the Jerusalem Tel Aviv they
00:35:58
have more shower
00:36:00
Centric amazing it's nuts when you get
00:36:02
up the road from Tel Aviv it's a windy
00:36:04
road and you soon as you get over that
00:36:06
Hill it's [ __ ] it it's a costume party
00:36:07
it's fidd on the roof it's the best it's
00:36:09
so weird it's like you're living in an
00:36:11
ancient time it's the most interesting
00:36:12
place on the planet yeah three religions
00:36:16
three and a half coming together on one
00:36:18
little small area of an old city three
00:36:19
and a half it's like two different kinds
00:36:21
of
00:36:22
Christian I heard that but yeah they're
00:36:25
pretty similar the Armenians and the and
00:36:27
the
00:36:28
ethopians Greek Orthodox Catholic yeah
00:36:32
Protestant but in the old city it's like
00:36:34
yeah yeah anyway whatever I don't know
00:36:36
enough about him
00:36:38
um do you still have your outfits anyway
00:36:41
so here's where it came from no I don't
00:36:42
have any of that but like uh so you wear
00:36:43
that four I think they were hanging up
00:36:45
to dry and it's a sheet with a neck hole
00:36:47
in it yes and I think just some racists
00:36:50
were like they probably [ __ ] through
00:36:51
that that's what that is oh and it just
00:36:54
cut
00:36:55
on interesting yeah and the whole was so
00:36:57
big that the Jews are like let them let
00:36:59
them run with that
00:37:01
rumor it took you 5 years to write that
00:37:04
that special yeah yeah and some of the
00:37:07
jokes were even older what's your
00:37:09
process for writing it this one was way
00:37:11
different cuz I had to I never have to
00:37:13
fact check my my jokes I can be an idiot
00:37:16
in my jokes I can normally I'm allowed
00:37:20
to say um David Trump and people like
00:37:23
it's Donald Trump like oh I don't know
00:37:25
it's fine if I'm I've got the facts
00:37:27
wrong you know I can be a [ __ ] it's
00:37:28
actually sometimes I try to like
00:37:30
misspeak so that like don't trust me on
00:37:32
this I'm not an expert I'm just making
00:37:34
fun of it so I'll try to like throw in
00:37:37
wrong details who came up with the idea
00:37:39
that you only vote in November in
00:37:41
elections no you vote every single day
00:37:45
with your time and your money you show
00:37:47
your preferences you put your support
00:37:50
behind things you believe in and you
00:37:52
withhold support from things you don't
00:37:54
you can do that with your cell phone by
00:37:55
the way there's a Wireless company that
00:37:58
if you're not on board with what's going
00:38:00
on in this country at the highest levels
00:38:03
you can make your preference known it's
00:38:04
called Pure
00:38:06
Talk it's probably something you should
00:38:08
consider it is proudly veteran Le it is
00:38:11
led by Veterans of the US Military and
00:38:13
it supports American jobs by their
00:38:17
customer service Team all of them are
00:38:19
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00:38:20
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00:38:22
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phone service to a company you can be
00:39:19
proud to do business with but like how
00:39:22
do you write it do you write it out by
00:39:23
hand do you paste your go stage so I
00:39:26
started this one was I would go to this
00:39:28
the the seller the comedy cellers had a
00:39:30
small room and I would do an hour and I
00:39:32
would do like I had like 20 show minutes
00:39:34
something on Noah and the flood um
00:39:37
that's where it started with just became
00:39:38
my closer in the end um and then a
00:39:40
couple other bits and then I said okay
00:39:43
I've already set up now that I can make
00:39:44
jokes about this stuff you guys see I'm
00:39:46
not serious about it do you have any
00:39:48
questions about Jews that you wanted to
00:39:50
know like anything I will answer and
00:39:53
I'll try to riff and make it funny
00:39:54
something I used to do with this guy Don
00:39:55
bars a long time ago we do ask a Jew we
00:39:58
call it je and a uh late night at The
00:40:01
Comedy Store and it started with like
00:40:03
hey you know yeah I can be a resource
00:40:04
and and then all the commedians would
00:40:06
sit around the room and they'd ask
00:40:07
questions so first it was like um how
00:40:10
many Commandments are there I'm like oh
00:40:11
good question 613 like okay someone else
00:40:13
like yes question like if juw is
00:40:15
supposed to be such good writers why is
00:40:16
his diary and Frank so [ __ ] boring
00:40:18
like okay well it's a bestseller for
00:40:20
[ __ ] uneducated girl for 30 years or
00:40:22
50 years so you're wrong about that hey
00:40:24
what goes in the place of your soul like
00:40:26
all right well
00:40:28
nuda would say that there is no such
00:40:29
thing as a soul but uh diamonds diamonds
00:40:31
go there and then we just [ __ ] around
00:40:33
occasionally we get people complaining
00:40:35
like they were so rude to that man but
00:40:37
it was all just comedians J and a yeah J
00:40:40
and a it was a lot of fun um do you
00:40:42
still talk to the Jackal that birth you
00:40:44
it's just like I'm like oh that's a bit
00:40:47
offensive but it was all my friends it
00:40:49
was so fun late night at the store was
00:40:51
so farun Jack
00:40:55
that so as the mud person would you say
00:40:59
and I'm like well let stop you there um
00:41:02
yeah we'd have this thing at the end of
00:41:03
it where um Don would go he would run it
00:41:06
he'd be like I saw a do I saw a
00:41:08
documentary on on the Holocaust didn't
00:41:11
seem that didn't seem that bad seems
00:41:13
like you guys are exaggerating I was
00:41:14
like I don't know man I what was it what
00:41:17
what was the documentary he goes It's
00:41:19
called Hogan's Heroes they seemed like
00:41:21
bumbling oos it doesn't seem like they
00:41:23
could have done any of that stuff we had
00:41:25
a smell that he goes can can you uh can
00:41:28
you smell money and I was like yeah I
00:41:30
can um yeah it's just one of the things
00:41:32
we have and then we set up ahead of time
00:41:34
he was like all I need three bills one a
00:41:36
20 and a 100 and then he like crumpled
00:41:39
up a turn and I but we all knew the
00:41:41
order so the crowd didn't know and I'd
00:41:42
smell like that's like a that's like
00:41:45
it's got a Nutty
00:41:46
Aroma hint of Saddle leather yeah it was
00:41:49
like is that like a I think it's a 20
00:41:51
and everyone like I got it one in three
00:41:53
shot you know and then it then the H
00:41:56
like oh I love that smell I know what
00:41:57
that is and then he showed me the one
00:41:59
get it out of my face it's disgusting
00:42:01
yeah so wait what was I going with this
00:42:04
[ __ ] what did you ask how you write it
00:42:07
oh right so I just asked people so it
00:42:08
kind of birthed from that I asked people
00:42:10
what questions do you have and sometimes
00:42:11
like what's with the wigs I'm like oh
00:42:13
okay well it's it's a loophole you can't
00:42:16
be attracted to your neighbor's wife so
00:42:19
hair is something you're attracted to so
00:42:21
you cover up your hair so it's not your
00:42:24
hair it's some [ __ ] Asian lady's hair
00:42:26
you know is actually better hair it's
00:42:29
weird but it's not you it's s Lee um and
00:42:32
you just do stuff like what the what are
00:42:33
the pillows I'm like what pillows what
00:42:35
do you mean oh it's your [ __ ] bag
00:42:37
that you have for your for your Talis
00:42:39
your filling that you carry it looks
00:42:41
like a pillow to them I never it's just
00:42:43
there was a way of looking at stuff like
00:42:44
and so the same questions would come up
00:42:47
over and over again and I'd riff try to
00:42:49
be funny and I'm like if the same
00:42:50
question keeps coming
00:42:52
up this is something I should cover and
00:42:54
if a question came up once ever then I'm
00:42:56
like all right that's just one guy one
00:42:59
of is like why are Jews afraid of cats
00:43:00
I'm like that was just one Jew you knew
00:43:02
bro that's not a stereotype that was
00:43:03
just one Jew um and so I would just try
00:43:06
to cover everything afraid of that's not
00:43:09
a thing 100% it's not a thing um so yeah
00:43:13
I would just try to and then I would try
00:43:14
to tweak it and tweak it and tweak it
00:43:16
and then I'd have to do this thing where
00:43:17
it's like I had to see if I was wrong
00:43:19
which I don't ever do in my standup but
00:43:22
it had to be correct I couldn't be wrong
00:43:25
about the religion yeah yeah yeah so
00:43:27
like I started doing a bit about that
00:43:28
[ __ ] threw a hole in a sheet and then
00:43:30
my friend was like that's not a true
00:43:32
thing I'm like [ __ ] I had other rabbis I
00:43:34
had this giant bit a closer about Noah
00:43:38
and his and his his 40 he had 40
00:43:41
children and how his wife was a real
00:43:42
hero because her [ __ ] must have been
00:43:43
blown out and then a rabbi in Copenhagen
00:43:46
was like Hey loved it the whole thing he
00:43:49
didn't have 40 kids and I was like no he
00:43:51
did he go no he had two two son I forget
00:43:56
now two sons and three daughters
00:43:57
whatever it was yeah yeah and their
00:43:58
husbands yeah and it was like it just
00:44:00
wasn't 40 I was like no he goes he goes
00:44:02
I don't mind I don't care I'm just
00:44:03
telling I love the whole thing I just
00:44:05
telling you that wasn't that's not right
00:44:07
and I had to lose it I had to lose a
00:44:08
[ __ ] five minute like crushing chunk
00:44:10
because it wasn't correct any other bit
00:44:13
I was doing I just like ah [ __ ] it I
00:44:14
made up a detail but why were you
00:44:17
factchecking your own stuff it had to be
00:44:19
CU I was doing a thing about a religion
00:44:21
I was doing a factual informational hour
00:44:24
which I've never done did you have any
00:44:25
complaints yeah but like real ones any
00:44:28
campaigns against you no that's in melan
00:44:31
it was that thing of like this is hate
00:44:32
speech you're calling them
00:44:34
inbred I'm like no it's loving all the
00:44:37
Orthodox jewes thought was like little
00:44:39
too much cursing for my taste but
00:44:41
nothing's really wrong in here it's it's
00:44:44
respectful so who was saying that it was
00:44:46
a love letter to my religion sounds like
00:44:48
it actually in in my artistic way in the
00:44:51
The Comedy way but people can don't you
00:44:53
think people can smell the intent behind
00:44:55
well that's what it was so it was like a
00:44:57
couple outliers are like let's look for
00:44:58
something angry in the world but she's
00:45:01
like that's all of Twitter I love how
00:45:02
I've been telling people to get off
00:45:03
Twitter for so long and they're you go
00:45:05
on it no it's a Cess pool and and it's
00:45:08
like people like oh what Elon Musk is
00:45:09
finding like no no this way predates he
00:45:11
hasn't gotten rid of the negativity on
00:45:13
there it's hey look there's this cool
00:45:16
telephone po you know a lot of people
00:45:17
die in the making of that there's not
00:45:18
enough trees to go around and it's like
00:45:20
Jesus you guys can find the [ __ ]
00:45:22
terrible in everything so do you do you
00:45:25
use the internet yeah I
00:45:28
mean
00:45:30
yeah you know to see if Like a Pill you
00:45:33
found in your closet's good or bad
00:45:35
expired yeah you know something like
00:45:37
that like what is this well but you
00:45:39
don't spend time looking at other
00:45:40
people's opinions online no you still
00:45:42
see it though it seeps through if you're
00:45:44
on Instagram and just like you see
00:45:45
people weighing in on stuff it just like
00:45:48
it kind of comes into your into like
00:45:50
what you think of the world so you think
00:45:53
that the reason everybody hates
00:45:54
everybody else is because of the
00:45:55
internet yeah
00:45:57
it I didn't understand it you saw that
00:45:59
movie that
00:46:01
um half documentary a little bit of like
00:46:04
whatever like what's it called the
00:46:06
social experiment I never saw it oh you
00:46:07
should see it so the acting parts are
00:46:10
kind of hokey but it does illustrate
00:46:12
like in real time what this would be
00:46:13
like somebody like lost on their phone
00:46:15
as his chick he likes is like looking
00:46:16
for someone to talk to and he's like
00:46:18
lost on it so it's just a little acting
00:46:21
scene but it's just like one possible
00:46:22
reason why you getting lost on this
00:46:24
instead of talking to your neighbor on
00:46:25
the bus you're like let me
00:46:29
yeah it's like and these are the light
00:46:30
problems you know when I moved to New
00:46:32
York I was like how do you make friends
00:46:34
and my friend was like go to a bar order
00:46:35
a beer drink it at a regular Pace order
00:46:38
another one Midway through the second
00:46:40
beer you'll be talking to someone yeah
00:46:42
that time is done is it really yeah you
00:46:44
look up to talk they're down on their
00:46:46
phone and then then they look up to talk
00:46:48
and you're on your phone and you just
00:46:50
keep missing the
00:46:52
connection it's like boy that's I
00:46:54
haven't been in a bar in a while that's
00:46:56
depressing depressed yeah no one's open
00:46:58
to meeting new people and hostiles in
00:47:01
like southeast Asia are still I hear
00:47:04
they're slipping but like it's still
00:47:05
that they can't afford an internet plan
00:47:09
so yeah for a while I got rid of my
00:47:11
smartphone I had a flip phone for a
00:47:12
while and um so you're like Ted kazinsky
00:47:16
level
00:47:17
anti-tech no I'm on a smartphone now and
00:47:19
it's ruining my life how I'm not present
00:47:23
I'm wasting time no it's right you look
00:47:25
at your your your time used on a on an
00:47:27
iPhone it tells you you think they'
00:47:29
cover it if it's over 45 minutes a day
00:47:32
it's too much and it's for most people
00:47:33
it's between 4 and 8 hours every day
00:47:36
that you're wasting eight hours is
00:47:38
sleeping two hours is eating so that's
00:47:41
10 so you have 14 hours left and four
00:47:44
just eight of those are staring at a
00:47:47
[ __ ]
00:47:49
screen it's it's we're all we're all
00:47:51
losing it we're all losing our lives you
00:47:54
should just be calling a friend it
00:47:57
do you call friends sometime it's fun
00:47:59
when you have old friends when you like
00:48:01
text they text back text text back and
00:48:03
eventually they call I can't do this
00:48:04
anymore we just talk it out and you're
00:48:05
like this is what it should be so when I
00:48:06
had a flip phone it was this you know
00:48:10
you miss the button you'd miss the T and
00:48:12
you have to go around again and and keep
00:48:14
hitting it till you get the right letter
00:48:15
and it takes forever to text anything
00:48:17
over two sentences I'm just going to
00:48:18
call you and deal with it so you don't
00:48:20
text no I'm on a I'm on a smartphone now
00:48:22
so now I text constantly but when I had
00:48:24
that flip phone it was [ __ ] I got to
00:48:26
I got to [ __ ] do it I got to [ __ ]
00:48:28
go back why' you get off it I was
00:48:30
promoting something and I thought I had
00:48:32
to and it it [ __ ] ruined my life it's
00:48:36
the worst so you've actually taken
00:48:37
breaks from the internet well so when I
00:48:40
went to Southeast Asia in
00:48:42
2017 I changed all my passwords to my
00:48:47
email Instagram I think I still had
00:48:49
Twitter back then email Instagram
00:48:51
Twitter what else is there Facebook I
00:48:54
changed my password to this I just went
00:48:56
to the computer
00:48:58
and I cut and pasted that sent it to a
00:49:00
friend and I said do not send me this um
00:49:03
wow my password was like you know just a
00:49:06
17 syllable whatever I was like don't
00:49:08
send me this I don't want it I'll get it
00:49:10
when I come back uh I don't want to be
00:49:12
able to get in there so you didn't look
00:49:14
so I had no access to Facebook no access
00:49:17
to Instagram no access to email and then
00:49:19
I left my phone at home I called an Uber
00:49:22
to the airport and then put my phone in
00:49:25
my desk closed it and then I got Uber
00:49:28
and went really radical why' you do that
00:49:30
it was the
00:49:32
best it was the best but why did you do
00:49:37
it
00:49:38
um it's like not something you do
00:49:40
accidentally no it's not something I do
00:49:44
accidentally that was the first time
00:49:45
I've done it I've done it since a couple
00:49:47
time went to Guatemala for 10 12 days
00:49:49
and I was like I'm not bringing my phone
00:49:50
on my
00:49:51
computer you're just way Freer you're
00:49:53
more social
00:49:56
but and I don't want to be connected to
00:49:58
America I just wanted to be like
00:49:59
floating you know I just wanted to be
00:50:01
like as this level of freedom and you
00:50:05
follow the dead for a while yeah pre-
00:50:07
internet
00:50:09
yeah I found my wife pre- internet
00:50:12
really yeah what was just like a regular
00:50:14
mailin thing yeah just ordered her you
00:50:18
know right from Saigon with no reviews
00:50:21
went what a
00:50:23
time but I was trying to explain to
00:50:25
Rogan about it about leaving I was like
00:50:27
buddy I can't I can't I don't know how
00:50:28
to express it but like there's this
00:50:30
level of Freedom it's like a second
00:50:33
level of like hey I'm I'm in wherever
00:50:36
I'm in southern Vietnam and I was going
00:50:39
to go to the north but I was just I was
00:50:41
getting sick of white people and I just
00:50:43
like where there no white people and it
00:50:45
was like Cho do it was like Southern
00:50:48
small town and I was like I'll go there
00:50:49
instead just the ability just swap
00:50:52
someone's like I heard there's a good
00:50:53
hike in me andmore you oh okay we'll do
00:50:55
that instead and just like you're just
00:50:57
floating meeting people talking
00:50:59
interesting talks you didn't feel
00:51:01
helpless or afraid without a phone 100%
00:51:05
afraid really oh yeah I mean the first I
00:51:08
mean I almost came back right away I was
00:51:10
like this was a mistake the dopamine
00:51:12
dropped you know from from being on
00:51:14
there that's where they're trying to you
00:51:15
know get you on there so that dropped
00:51:17
and I'm like I I I'm not getting my fix
00:51:19
I was going through
00:51:20
withdrawals really yeah and I was like
00:51:23
this was a mistake I say so I went I
00:51:25
just I was like I'm not going to make
00:51:27
any plans I went I discovered I decided
00:51:28
a region southeast Asia it was cheap um
00:51:32
was it going to be that or South America
00:51:35
so southeast Asia seems so foreign I
00:51:38
gotten to travel I did one one like
00:51:40
17-day tour of China did you bring a
00:51:42
girl with you go by yourself by myself
00:51:45
China was fun so the comedians would
00:51:46
kind of like guide it for you the ones
00:51:49
that were out there they and once
00:51:51
somebody in Shanghai Turner Sparks like
00:51:53
by the way it's safe here like they
00:51:55
won't touch you here in China you can be
00:51:57
a drunk woman asleep with your [ __ ]
00:51:59
phone in your hand like passed out and
00:52:01
you'll wake up in that exact position
00:52:03
untouched the the punishments for a
00:52:05
violent crime are way too much and the
00:52:07
embarrassment for their families is way
00:52:08
too much so once they told me it was
00:52:10
safe I was like oh all my like
00:52:12
xenophobia was gone I was like sick see
00:52:15
you guys later like you don't want a guy
00:52:16
I'm like uhuh I'm out and I would just
00:52:18
walk around discover I then I was it
00:52:20
blew my mind and I was like I got to get
00:52:21
lost again it was so cool so I wait I
00:52:25
got my I got every Visa I needed ahead
00:52:27
of time like Thailand's like on Landing
00:52:29
you get a Visa um some places are on
00:52:32
Landing some places you need ahead of
00:52:33
time so Vietnam I think I got ahead of
00:52:36
time maybe Myanmar not Cambodia I think
00:52:39
that was on on landing and they were all
00:52:42
like good for six months a month any
00:52:44
six-month period you know for six months
00:52:46
any month as soon as you land so and I
00:52:49
just waited till like a day before I was
00:52:51
like where's the weather the best so
00:52:53
there was rain in Vietnam so no there
00:52:55
was rain in Thailand so no and then me
00:52:57
andar had like 10 clear days did you
00:53:01
call home at any point no uh-uh so you
00:53:04
just basically disappeared for how long
00:53:07
four and a half months yeah God damn it
00:53:10
was [ __ ] great what was so great
00:53:12
about it it's that freedom seeing things
00:53:15
seeing the world new seeing a cultures
00:53:18
that were different than yours meeting
00:53:20
and I didn't meet locals yeah the
00:53:22
language is a real problem Asia but I
00:53:25
met Germans at the hosts I was at I met
00:53:27
people from England at the hostels I was
00:53:29
at you talk I remember talking in in did
00:53:31
anyone recognize you twice one time on
00:53:35
an island in Cambodia I was walking down
00:53:37
this like kind of deserve Beach and
00:53:38
someone's like with their girl like Ari
00:53:41
shafir and I was like yeah he goes what
00:53:44
the [ __ ] man what are you doing here I'm
00:53:47
like you know same as you got from Henry
00:53:49
Rollins um later when he people like
00:53:52
what are you doing here and he goes I'm
00:53:53
here to meet you what's your story he
00:53:56
would just switch it around but I was in
00:53:58
aadia people like what are you doing
00:53:59
here I was like what do you mean in
00:54:01
National Park here to hike here for the
00:54:03
exact same reason you're here
00:54:06
um um yeah twice ever which was also
00:54:10
great so I could be I mean I've told a
00:54:13
bunch of comics this I'm like you are
00:54:14
losing your sense of Reality by being
00:54:16
looked up to that's not the real that's
00:54:20
not the real world you don't understand
00:54:21
and when Trump got elected all these
00:54:23
liberals that I was around again I'm not
00:54:25
liberal or conservative
00:54:27
I'm this third thing the majority of the
00:54:29
country I'm the majority I don't care um
00:54:33
we could hear them talking like how
00:54:34
could this like oh you've never got
00:54:35
under your limo I know a really rich
00:54:38
like Woman comic and I'm like you've
00:54:40
never been to Dayton Ohio you wouldn't
00:54:42
understand
00:54:44
disillusionment there's the recession
00:54:46
still going on in a lot of places you
00:54:48
got to get out and talk to people so I
00:54:50
remember talking
00:54:51
in Indonesia on an island it wasn't
00:54:55
Flores
00:54:57
I forget um but over breakfast this
00:55:01
German guy and he was telling me about
00:55:03
um German workers rights and the five
00:55:06
week standard vacation time they get and
00:55:09
I was like what do you mean like first
00:55:11
year out of college he goes yeah five
00:55:12
weeks I don't know you do better after a
00:55:14
while he's like how much do you guys get
00:55:16
I'm like two weeks and you're expected
00:55:18
to not take
00:55:20
it and he was and I'm like what the so
00:55:23
that kind of like talking to people
00:55:24
makes you like realize oh some [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:55:26
that's wrong well you learn more about
00:55:28
your own country good and bad mhm I mean
00:55:30
you're in some places and you're like
00:55:31
God I wish they did it the American way
00:55:34
right 100% And in other countries you're
00:55:36
like I wish we did that yeah I mean when
00:55:38
I got home I no the first thing I
00:55:39
noticed getting home was like the toilet
00:55:41
paper in my country is so [ __ ] soft
00:55:43
oh it's Superior it's like it's like God
00:55:45
takes the cloud and wipes your ass it's
00:55:47
like Angora yeah and I learned to
00:55:49
appreciate that yes yeah it's like Anor
00:55:52
exactly right but it does feel to me
00:55:55
well I having had you know a pretty
00:55:57
failed educational experience but that
00:56:00
you learn way more from a month abroad
00:56:02
than you would in say a year in college
00:56:04
the Gap here I met these these four or
00:56:08
five Canadian checks 18 in in um in a
00:56:12
city in in um in
00:56:14
Myanmar and we're all just talking
00:56:16
everyone's talkinging everyone's so
00:56:17
friendly and inviting and hostiles
00:56:19
everyone's like they'll see you they
00:56:20
don't they're not aist they're not
00:56:22
sexists there's not even nobody even
00:56:24
pays for a woman's drinks they're like
00:56:25
no no my is my time I have left out here
00:56:28
I saved up 10 grand if I buy a drink for
00:56:30
any and it's not expected it's so the
00:56:32
equality level is crazy but like you
00:56:35
want to play card you know cards we're
00:56:36
playing a game you want to sit in with
00:56:37
us there's not like who are you it's
00:56:39
they just don't have it there at
00:56:40
hostiles and I was talking to these
00:56:41
Canadian chicks and they were like we're
00:56:43
on Gap year and I was like oh we don't
00:56:45
get Gap year in America no but they're
00:56:47
like we don't get Gap year we just took
00:56:50
a year off it's not it's not a thing
00:56:53
it's not part of the curriculum I don't
00:56:55
know why we don't do it more in between
00:56:57
college and high school and college and
00:56:59
grad school that's a year to yourself so
00:57:02
but weren't you worried about coming
00:57:03
back to 70,000 text Mees messages and
00:57:07
emails and yeah a little bit my manager
00:57:09
at the time was like What if something
00:57:10
big comes up I'm like I don't want it
00:57:12
tell them no for me it's like what if
00:57:14
something you'd want I'm like I want to
00:57:15
do this I want to disappear tell them no
00:57:18
I'll just have missed it what if there's
00:57:20
an emergency what emergency what if your
00:57:22
dad dies then I'll mourn when I get home
00:57:24
I don't need to mourn at the right time
00:57:26
why did you do this
00:57:29
again my mental places I in when I did
00:57:31
it I just I was kind of having a fight
00:57:34
with Comedy Central they wanted me to
00:57:36
work non-stop oh you understand this
00:57:39
yeah they wanted me to work non-stop I
00:57:41
wanted some time off that friend Duncan
00:57:43
who who [ __ ] me over with uh with my
00:57:45
name on the internet with my number on
00:57:47
the internet didn't [ __ ] me over it was
00:57:48
a fun prank I mean he used to leave also
00:57:50
like glasses of piss in my fridge so
00:57:53
like so like whatever when I say [ __ ]
00:57:56
over it in the in the most respectful
00:57:58
way but um that's not a respectful way
00:58:01
you're in the fridge not no that's not
00:58:04
respectful I did it to my friend Bobby
00:58:06
Kelly he was the one who called I pissed
00:58:07
in a bottle and put in his fridge he's
00:58:09
like what if my wife found this I'm like
00:58:10
right you would have been a lot of
00:58:12
trouble
00:58:13
um um what we say so you're fighting
00:58:16
with I like you got to work and I'm like
00:58:19
it takes me eight months to edit this
00:58:20
like storytelling TV show that I was
00:58:22
doing with other comics and I'm like I
00:58:24
need some time off and they're like no
00:58:25
we got to get back back to another
00:58:26
season so Duncan was like well you want
00:58:29
to see the world and this company you
00:58:31
work
00:58:32
for does wants you to not see the world
00:58:36
so I'm like yeah you're right I got to
00:58:38
get out of here and I just like hey you
00:58:41
got I'm put trusting you to book the
00:58:42
show the next year I'm trusting you to
00:58:44
do this I'm out handle it as best you
00:58:46
can but it might get [ __ ] up you ever
00:58:49
read The Fountain Head yeah so when he
00:58:51
leaves for vacation things get [ __ ] up
00:58:54
oh yeah and he has to go correct it he's
00:58:56
got to blow some [ __ ]
00:58:58
up um but at some point you got to trust
00:59:01
some people to like you'll handle this I
00:59:03
mean they're going to upload this video
00:59:04
right you could stand over their
00:59:06
shoulder no but you're like and you they
00:59:09
might mess it up they might not quite do
00:59:10
it the way you want I mean interrupting
00:59:12
where you're like I could tell you're
00:59:14
like I shouldn't interrupt you should
00:59:15
just get it right but then they they
00:59:16
have to make a decision you're trusting
00:59:17
them to do it so you can free yourself
00:59:18
up to do other stuff anyway trusted the
00:59:20
people I had to trust and just got lost
00:59:23
what happened to your brain not being on
00:59:25
text all day long God damn it was great
00:59:27
so when I first got a when I first got a
00:59:29
flip phone which was a halfway to that I
00:59:31
was talking at The Stand Comedy Club I
00:59:33
was talking to Nikki Glazer before she
00:59:34
blew up yeah um but she was still
00:59:36
whatever funny comic and we were talking
00:59:39
before the Tom Brady roast before the
00:59:40
Tom way before the Tom Brady roast and
00:59:42
um and I'm friends with her but not like
00:59:46
good friends with her and I'm sitting at
00:59:47
the back table we're talking she's like
00:59:49
has and this is day one of the flip
00:59:51
phone like I think day one or week one
00:59:53
anyway she goes has it changed at all
00:59:55
what does it Chang change I'm like I
00:59:56
wouldn't be talking to you Nikki I'd be
00:59:58
on my phone looking for someone else
01:00:00
this [ __ ] and and man I I I loved it
01:00:05
being out there in Asia with no
01:00:07
connection you're just there was one
01:00:10
time in this like northern city in
01:00:11
Thailand I I I met an American girl
01:00:14
started talking about Trump a little bit
01:00:16
and and then it's like it's the same
01:00:18
patterns of discussion and we both
01:00:20
looked at each other like we shouldn't
01:00:21
do this and we was like yeah let's not
01:00:23
where else have you been in Asia like
01:00:24
let's absolutely smart move let's switch
01:00:26
a
01:00:27
subject like what it yeah it's just like
01:00:30
you may have come to the obvious
01:00:32
conclusion that the real debate is not
01:00:33
between Republican and Democrat or
01:00:35
socialist and capitalist right left the
01:00:40
real battle is between people who are
01:00:41
lying on purpose and people who are
01:00:44
trying to tell you the truth it's
01:00:46
between good and evil it's between
01:00:49
honesty and falsehood and we hope we are
01:00:51
on the former side that's why he created
01:00:54
this network the Cher Carlson Network
01:00:55
and we invite you to subscribe to it go
01:00:57
to tuckercarlson.com
01:00:59
podcast our entire archive is there a
01:01:02
lot of behind the scenes footage of what
01:01:03
actually happens in this Barn uh when
01:01:05
only an iPhone is running Tucker
01:01:08
carlson.com
01:01:10
podcast you will not regret it did you
01:01:13
find a distance between what you were
01:01:16
expecting and what you found wasn't
01:01:19
expecting anything China for example you
01:01:21
said yeah so like China was like it was
01:01:24
so it was so foreign what but what did
01:01:27
you expect out of China and versus what
01:01:30
I don't know I told my agent I was like
01:01:31
I'm getting this
01:01:32
itch to
01:01:34
travel if you find any foreign gigs let
01:01:38
me know I still wasn't making enough
01:01:41
money to really but I was making some
01:01:42
and he goes well I got you a 17-day tour
01:01:45
of of China Beijing Shanghai cities
01:01:47
outside Shanghai ending in Hong Kong
01:01:49
cities outside Hong Kong he goes doesn't
01:01:51
pay very well but you know the fly out
01:01:54
there hotels every night and it pays you
01:01:56
I think like I think it was like I it
01:01:58
was like three grand four grand and I
01:02:00
was like buddy that's more than I was
01:02:02
making two years ago that's great and to
01:02:05
go see and it's just like tasting food
01:02:07
like what the [ __ ] is this seeing that
01:02:08
they don't take them bones out of their
01:02:10
meat they just Cleaver it all I was
01:02:12
picking up some chop like what the [ __ ]
01:02:14
there's bones in these pieces of meat
01:02:15
and they're like you need a fork I'm
01:02:16
like that's not the issue get the
01:02:19
eyeball out of my
01:02:20
soup um yeah and it was just like I
01:02:24
don't know what I was expecting but I
01:02:25
told you like I was at the Beijing
01:02:27
comedy scene was they they were in the
01:02:29
hutongs of Beijing doing blow and I was
01:02:33
like isn't it punchable by death here
01:02:34
and they go they don't care about white
01:02:35
drugs they only care about yellow drugs
01:02:37
what are yellow drugs the Opium oh stuff
01:02:41
that that that the Chinese would would
01:02:43
lose their lives to they're like you
01:02:46
guys kill yourselves with Coke we don't
01:02:47
care we don't do that so it doesn't
01:02:48
matter you can't import it but if you do
01:02:50
it they'll somebody actually in the beij
01:02:52
thing got caught with Coke they stamped
01:02:54
a passport never allowed to return
01:02:55
return and sent them home she went home
01:02:58
steamed out that part of her passport
01:03:00
went right back and they don't have
01:03:02
computer systems there so it was like
01:03:04
welcome to
01:03:05
China um but anyway we're doing coke in
01:03:09
the hutong having a good time and then
01:03:11
we're walking around it was like 3 3:30
01:03:14
a.m. it was hot this was like a June I
01:03:17
think and um went to a bodega and bought
01:03:19
like a 20 oun like Heineken and I'm like
01:03:23
you can't do that where I'm from you
01:03:25
can't buy a beer at night and walk
01:03:27
around with it but there they're like as
01:03:29
long as you don't skull anybody with it
01:03:32
what's the issue just it's like having a
01:03:35
knife don't if you stab someone that's
01:03:38
now a weapon if you just have it to like
01:03:39
Whittle it's not a weapon right and then
01:03:42
there's like so it's like oh wow you can
01:03:44
do these fun and then my friends were
01:03:45
like can you get on Google and it's like
01:03:46
no you cannot you cannot search anything
01:03:48
but that's not a problem for you yeah I
01:03:50
mean still want to find out like where's
01:03:52
a good restaurant in town but I I I have
01:03:54
more fun just walking and finding a go
01:03:56
to restaurant you know it's like
01:03:58
Discovery is so it in other words sounds
01:04:00
like it was Freer than you thought it
01:04:01
was so free and and then you learn how
01:04:04
to like adapt and overcome I was they
01:04:07
tell you to take a if you're in a hotel
01:04:09
this early I'm better at it now they
01:04:11
tell you to take a business C from the
01:04:12
hotel so you can show it to someone who
01:04:14
does not speak English get me home to a
01:04:16
cab driver did not it was World
01:04:19
Cup um and we're all at a bar watching
01:04:22
at like 2:00 a.m. I hooked up with this
01:04:24
chick who was there
01:04:26
Chinese no although I did hook up with a
01:04:28
Chinese chick she took me home and their
01:04:30
dad came with a [ __ ] bat and chased
01:04:31
me out actually yeah yeah it was pretty
01:04:36
[ __ ] nutty yeah but you know no harm
01:04:38
no foul nothing nothing happened but so
01:04:41
you scampered out oh yeah yeah like
01:04:43
putting on your pants running you know
01:04:45
it was so [ __ ]
01:04:47
fun but then I had to like get this cab
01:04:49
home after World Cup and making out with
01:04:51
this chick and then I was like uh the
01:04:52
Sheran he's like I mean I may as well
01:04:54
just been
01:04:56
to him you know and I'm like the Sheran
01:04:57
that's Chinese by the way yeah it's
01:04:59
pretty close and then I remembered like
01:05:02
a [ __ ] got he's like no I got to get out
01:05:03
of the car torrential rain and I'm like
01:05:05
[ __ ] I'm soaked to the bone another cab
01:05:07
the Sheron Hotel no understanding at all
01:05:10
I'm like [ __ ] and then I'm like it's
01:05:11
near the train station so another cab
01:05:14
and I'm
01:05:17
like he's like he said something and I'm
01:05:21
like sure and then until we got close
01:05:22
enough to the train station I'm like
01:05:23
forget that Shar I see it share just
01:05:26
that but you just figure it out I'm my
01:05:28
flipflops started breaking in
01:05:30
um in uh that was that first trip but on
01:05:34
in Indonesia they started breaking and I
01:05:35
couldn't find 11 and a half size shoes
01:05:38
they just people don't come that big in
01:05:40
that part of the world they don't have
01:05:43
GMOs looked and looked and looked in
01:05:45
Cambodia found like a bunch of 10 size
01:05:49
you know flip and they're like they'll
01:05:50
stretch I'm like the bottom doesn't
01:05:51
stretch the top is stretches and not a
01:05:53
size and a half finally found some uh
01:05:57
some Quicksilver one in like a real
01:05:58
store and they broke they were fake they
01:06:00
broke pretty fast it kind of flopped
01:06:02
whatever and I was like I was going to
01:06:03
throw them away but I'm like oh I can't
01:06:05
I won't find more shoes so you're like I
01:06:08
have to fix these shoes so you just go
01:06:10
look for superglue you just learn to
01:06:13
overcome situations the bus is gone what
01:06:16
do I do how do I talk to people in
01:06:17
another language so
01:06:20
fun just getting places by the end I
01:06:24
ended in East teamour
01:06:26
and I was like I should learn some of
01:06:28
the language some tetum I I talked to
01:06:32
a Italian lady in um Indonesia and she
01:06:37
was really learning Bahasa uh Indonesian
01:06:40
she was like really good at it like
01:06:42
actually learning she hear a word she
01:06:43
like what's that word and you write it
01:06:44
down it was kind of
01:06:46
inspirational so I was like I got to do
01:06:47
that for for E team War so I could get
01:06:49
by I'm like place to sleep I know how to
01:06:51
say that uh remember
01:06:54
anything Fatam dis scansa it was like a
01:06:57
hybrid of like pugu I can't fact check
01:07:00
that for you yeah thank you yeah so
01:07:02
you'd go to a small town and like Fatam
01:07:03
disa Fatam disa and they'd point you to
01:07:05
some place you get closer like Fatam
01:07:07
disa they there and like Fatam like yeah
01:07:10
come this way and they'd feed you and
01:07:11
give you a place for for five bucks you
01:07:14
know what's what's Myanmar like and why
01:07:16
is it no longer called
01:07:18
Burma do you know I don't oh so they got
01:07:22
a bunch of bad press from human rights
01:07:24
violations yeah like change the name is
01:07:26
that really why they rebranded the whole
01:07:28
country they moved the capital to the
01:07:29
middle of nowhere so no one could
01:07:30
protest it's like moving DC to two hours
01:07:35
outside
01:07:36
Witchita really who's going to go there
01:07:38
to protest only the hardcor
01:07:40
people you know did it feel repressive
01:07:44
no uhuh because it was only certain
01:07:47
regions uh and foreigners are not
01:07:49
allowed to stay in those regions so it
01:07:51
didn't really come up they're also not
01:07:53
allowed to rent motorized vehicles
01:07:55
foreigners AR yeah so they had ebikes
01:07:58
they just worked their way around so
01:07:59
they had ebikes in like Bagan and places
01:08:01
like that you can Ren an ebike just an
01:08:03
electronic bike they had to like it's
01:08:05
like a you know motorized golf cart
01:08:06
versus a
01:08:08
electric but there was one time we saw
01:08:12
there was a bus it took you like this
01:08:14
way
01:08:15
from inlay Lake to maybe mandelay I
01:08:20
forget and it took you way over here
01:08:21
then all the way back you know like this
01:08:23
route and me and a couple friends like
01:08:25
it's like three hours this way or six
01:08:28
hours but it's like 17 hours this way
01:08:30
it's like n let's just get our own way
01:08:33
let's not take like a a bus let's take
01:08:35
like little shuttles and stuff so we did
01:08:37
we stopped halfway in like let's get out
01:08:38
of here some [ __ ] Tiny Town was cool
01:08:41
went to a hotel was like can we can we
01:08:43
stay here and they're just
01:08:45
like like looking at us and we're like
01:08:47
like do the Bell somebody comes up and
01:08:49
was like hi two rooms and they're just
01:08:53
like and they're just like kind of
01:08:55
talking to to each other staring at us
01:08:56
and we're like What uh is this a hotel
01:08:59
they're just like looking at us and
01:09:00
eventually somebody like calls somebody
01:09:02
on the phone they like give me the phone
01:09:04
someone spoke English in the capital
01:09:05
yangan like you can't stay there
01:09:08
foreigners can't stay there how' they
01:09:09
know you're a
01:09:12
foreigner long NOS one of the Buddies I
01:09:14
was with there was like I don't want to
01:09:16
take my he's a photographer goes I don't
01:09:17
want to take my camera because they'll
01:09:18
know I'm a tourist he goes you're a 6'1
01:09:21
white guy in Me and Mar they're going to
01:09:23
know um she goes you can't stay there
01:09:26
you got to turn around I'm like no no we
01:09:27
just came she goes you got to go south
01:09:29
like we just came from South we're going
01:09:30
north she goes no you can't like the bus
01:09:33
we're off the bus it's gone and I was
01:09:35
like well can we stay at a [ __ ]
01:09:38
um uh Monastery cuz like they sort of
01:09:42
have to take you in and she just started
01:09:43
laughing you can't stay in the region
01:09:46
and I started like I'm pretty good at
01:09:48
playing prend so I like I was pretend
01:09:51
poor while I was there I just like
01:09:53
whatever you guys's level is that's me
01:09:56
so when they're bitching about a $2 more
01:09:58
expensive hostel I'm like I know right I
01:10:00
could like sell it to myself you know I
01:10:02
know it's the common people you could
01:10:03
call your father and he'd like end it
01:10:05
all um but I just ignored that so I'm
01:10:10
like crying I'm like but I can't we we
01:10:11
don't have we can't go south we're going
01:10:13
north I don't know what to do and she's
01:10:14
like all right she we'll call a local
01:10:16
minister to come and talk to you he came
01:10:18
in it's like all right we found another
01:10:19
hotel that you can stay in but he's
01:10:21
doing you a [ __ ] favor this isn't
01:10:24
allowed he's help helping you like okay
01:10:27
and then we're there we're walking
01:10:29
around my buddy shut down the market by
01:10:31
just being white and walking through it
01:10:32
was like The Parting of the city they're
01:10:34
all doing their work and
01:10:35
like like what the [ __ ] is this guy
01:10:38
doing with love and admiration or Fear
01:10:40
and
01:10:41
Loathing uh it's like if you see
01:10:44
somebody s foot eight yeah it's just
01:10:46
weird yeah it's like what and you've
01:10:49
never seen a white it's crazy they're
01:10:52
like can you take a picture all through
01:10:54
Asia can you take a picture like yeah
01:10:55
sure you phone like no no I want to be
01:10:57
on your camera I want my image to go
01:11:00
back to America I think it'd be so cool
01:11:03
you know hold my baby let me take a
01:11:04
picture you holding my baby it's crazy
01:11:07
they every black guy I know they're like
01:11:08
can we touch your hair no they wouldn't
01:11:09
ask they would just touch their hair and
01:11:11
he goes excuse me they're like right and
01:11:13
it was nuts but so we stayed at a place
01:11:15
then we started walking we're just
01:11:17
touring around we saw a statue on maps.
01:11:19
me like a Maps app was like statue so
01:11:22
like all right let's go to the Statue it
01:11:23
was near an army base like a Juna base
01:11:25
which is like they have Rebels there in
01:11:28
these regions and some of them work with
01:11:29
the government some of them are against
01:11:30
the government some of them have deals
01:11:32
with each other I I don't fully know I
01:11:34
wasn't there for the government anyway
01:11:37
we're there taking a picture hanging out
01:11:39
six or seven army people with machine
01:11:41
guns come out went right at us what are
01:11:43
you doing here nothing what are you
01:11:45
doing you taking pictures of that like
01:11:46
yeah it's just statue give me the
01:11:47
pictures let me see delete them where's
01:11:50
your passports like I don't know they're
01:11:52
back at our hotels let's go let's go see
01:11:54
them and they just just led us machine
01:11:56
gun style back to our hotel to get our
01:11:58
passports it's just this is a no
01:12:00
foreigners region and uh was there I
01:12:03
mean anything worth hiding there that
01:12:05
you saw no no there's not like a secret
01:12:07
nuclear program or anything no it was
01:12:11
just some poor people with like
01:12:12
makeshift guns and like yeah and then
01:12:15
and then we got back and the people
01:12:16
there were like what wh Let's Play
01:12:18
Soccer we all tried to do the hacky sack
01:12:19
soccer thing they loved it I got violent
01:12:22
diarrhea and food poisoning there that
01:12:25
was more notable than the that's
01:12:27
required so 4 and a half months on the
01:12:29
road you come back to your country and
01:12:30
what do you
01:12:32
notice okay that's a good question and
01:12:35
actually I can tie that into this this
01:12:37
Jew special
01:12:39
also so you see everything fresh when
01:12:41
you get back yeah clean Clear Eyes yes
01:12:44
you do yeah even probably what' you do a
01:12:47
month in Australia two weeks yeah two
01:12:48
and a half weeks even that amount of
01:12:50
time you're off it's enough time to be
01:12:51
like oh just force for the trees for a
01:12:53
moment
01:12:55
and it
01:12:57
was a little overcrowded yeah the cities
01:13:00
even DC and the Metro I'm like this is
01:13:02
too industrial yes I went to visit my
01:13:04
parents first surprised them they were
01:13:06
like so stoked they haven't talked to me
01:13:07
I went right to them I just walked
01:13:08
through the door I was like what the
01:13:10
[ __ ] yeah it was really nice
01:13:14
um yeah it's O it's it's overbuilt but
01:13:17
also very
01:13:18
clean but but then also I was in I was
01:13:20
in France I took a writing class in
01:13:22
France I got back beautiful city Paris
01:13:24
um got back to New York I'm like there's
01:13:26
writing on every surface here someone
01:13:28
has graffitied every this city is
01:13:31
disgusting compared to Paris like the
01:13:33
whatever around and Paris is pretty
01:13:34
disgusting yeah but that Old Town you
01:13:36
know yeah it's great part W yeah and
01:13:39
then it's like why is everything written
01:13:41
on why is everyone sign their [ __ ]
01:13:43
name on every [ __ ] surface but so you
01:13:45
notice those things like that you don't
01:13:46
notice so I'm trying to remember what I
01:13:48
noticed there it was just a lot of anger
01:13:50
a lot of hustle and
01:13:52
bustle toilet paper was soft
01:13:56
did it seem angrier than when you left
01:14:03
well I didn't check my email right away
01:14:06
the lady I sent it to was an employee
01:14:08
back then I was like don't give it to me
01:14:11
yet I'm not ready for it
01:14:13
yet
01:14:15
um and then I did and it was like [ __ ]
01:14:18
it was over overwhelming amount of
01:14:20
requests I I would I would need and
01:14:23
people asking for things
01:14:25
even to weigh in on this or that I'm
01:14:27
like a lot of [ __ ] tasks I didn't
01:14:28
realize yeah I didn't realize how much
01:14:32
respons that's what it was the
01:14:34
overwhelming amount of
01:14:37
responsibility and I'm not in a high
01:14:39
responsibility field you know that's
01:14:42
true yeah and it was just like needing
01:14:46
to return texts and emails and and
01:14:49
Weighing on this and pay your bill and
01:14:51
do that it's just
01:14:52
like it was so freeing before
01:14:55
so here's what I noticed when I did the
01:14:57
Jew special it was weird because I've
01:15:00
never done this before but I was living
01:15:01
with a ghost for about 5 years I was
01:15:03
living with a guy who was dead that that
01:15:05
version of me isn't here anymore right
01:15:08
like the Yeshiva student the Yeshiva kid
01:15:10
yeah he's gone he's been long gone and I
01:15:13
was living there and trying to remember
01:15:14
this ancient religion an ancient time in
01:15:16
my life and I was lost in it was a very
01:15:19
lonely hour usually it's like in
01:15:21
relation to other
01:15:23
things and I finished it and I kind of
01:15:25
came up for air and I looked around and
01:15:28
everybody was very
01:15:30
angry I came back into the
01:15:33
world and it was like everyone's mad
01:15:36
about everything yeah um my friends were
01:15:41
obssessed with stories that I didn't
01:15:44
even know were happening like
01:15:47
what there's some chick with no dicks
01:15:50
swimming with a swimming against other
01:15:52
chicks with with dicks like there
01:15:55
their their whole life is [ __ ]
01:15:56
worried about it and it's like none of
01:15:59
this concerns you none of this concerns
01:16:02
you that that there's a trans swimmer or
01:16:04
that the covid vaccine or that the it's
01:16:06
like dude chill out all of you are mad
01:16:09
about every little thing and it was it's
01:16:12
like I don't know what happened in those
01:16:13
five years people got [ __ ]
01:16:17
mad I just came up and I was like seeing
01:16:19
it FR it wasn't like you don't want a
01:16:20
kid you see a 10-year-old you see him 5
01:16:22
years later like what you got so [ __ ]
01:16:23
big or 5 to 10 other people's kids yeah
01:16:26
but if you see them every month you
01:16:27
don't notice it so I was like dropped
01:16:29
out pop back in and everybody was at
01:16:31
each other's throats everybody's so
01:16:33
actively
01:16:34
political uh uh I don't how do you avoid
01:16:37
that I don't read the news I try to
01:16:39
change a subject I try to
01:16:41
have I try to have tools change a
01:16:44
subject how do you change a subject how
01:16:46
do you focus must the only resolutely
01:16:48
non-political person with a public voice
01:16:51
left there's a few of us my friend big J
01:16:54
we were talking once we got a we did a
01:16:56
week together in Miami probably the
01:16:57
worst city in
01:16:58
America um I thought I heard it was the
01:17:00
best who told you that a [ __ ] I don't
01:17:03
know real estate agent yeah exactly um
01:17:06
it's so disgusting they value only
01:17:08
Beauty no intelligence if you're a a
01:17:11
girl growing up in Florida they will not
01:17:14
reward your A+ in high school they will
01:17:16
reward your new hairstyle yeah anyway we
01:17:20
got a beach house we're talking he goes
01:17:21
I like Biden this was 3 years ago I was
01:17:25
like why do you like Biden you don't
01:17:26
votee he goes I hear about him less than
01:17:27
the other guy and I'm like what a great
01:17:30
reason to like one over the other yeah
01:17:32
we do hear way more about this guy than
01:17:33
that guy what a if you're a
01:17:35
non-political I just want you to be away
01:17:37
from me you deal with
01:17:39
it um yeah you avoid it you learn how to
01:17:42
change a subject but aren't aren't a lot
01:17:44
of comedians pretty absorbed with it
01:17:46
yeah but we don't even know anything
01:17:48
yeah I've noticed it's like we don't
01:17:49
know anything we're weighing in here so
01:17:52
here's what I do it's like you start to
01:17:53
get an argument and we're like well
01:17:55
mainly my stance is I don't care but if
01:17:59
you're ask me to take a stance on Ford
01:18:01
vers Chevy you know something that
01:18:03
doesn't matter what do you think's
01:18:04
better it's like well 95% of my reaction
01:18:08
is I don't know or care whatever I can
01:18:10
get a better deal on is good but with
01:18:12
that other 5% I'm gonna say I think
01:18:14
Chevy's better why I just kind of feel
01:18:17
that way okay so everybody's only
01:18:19
publicly weighing in on their 5% and not
01:18:22
their 95% which is I don't give a [ __ ]
01:18:25
no one cares about Women's College
01:18:26
swimming no one's ever cared about
01:18:28
Women's College swimming you don't think
01:18:30
so no I didn't even know existed shut
01:18:33
the [ __ ] up and they're obsessed with it
01:18:37
they're [ __ ] Obsessed the ISU Women's
01:18:39
Amateur Aquatics [ __ ] off eat a dick
01:18:43
Shut up dude what are we talking about
01:18:46
what are the issues that get you spun up
01:18:49
uh the Yankees mid-season collapse
01:18:51
that's every [ __ ] year but I know it
01:18:53
doesn't matter I know this is fake I'm
01:18:56
not pretending it's like an actual real
01:18:58
thing you know I'll [ __ ] about somebody
01:19:00
going to a slump but I know at the end
01:19:02
they like I'm just playing pretend angry
01:19:05
it doesn't really matter so there are no
01:19:07
issues that get you mad standup people
01:19:09
coming after
01:19:10
stand-ups um who's coming after standups
01:19:13
it's a lot of people it's uh it's an
01:19:15
interesting time for my industry tell me
01:19:19
how I love this thing you used to do on
01:19:21
your on your TV show where you like play
01:19:23
dumb to get an answer it's really fun
01:19:26
it's actually really fun but that
01:19:27
doesn't interesting you you think you
01:19:29
would be rewarded for helping a old
01:19:31
woman cross a stranger and you're saying
01:19:32
you were not rewarded that's that's odd
01:19:35
it's called invoking an
01:19:38
answer so I'm trying to pull back and
01:19:40
keep my many opinions out of it yeah
01:19:43
it's smart it's a good way to do it like
01:19:45
instead of like weighing in and go I
01:19:46
know you're right and weighing in it's
01:19:47
like keep talking well you know more
01:19:49
about this top no sincerely I I don't
01:19:51
know that I know a million standups and
01:19:54
I like a lot of them but I don't know
01:19:56
that much about your business yeah so
01:19:58
you had a lot of people it's it's worse
01:20:00
when it's from the inside there other
01:20:01
comedians weighing and saying that
01:20:03
crossed the line publicly saying cross
01:20:05
the line yeah it's disappointing it's
01:20:08
really disappointing because it is
01:20:10
already a
01:20:11
battle um you're trying to get people to
01:20:13
laugh at like dark stuff really dark
01:20:15
stuff school shootings you're trying to
01:20:17
get them to laugh at you're trying to
01:20:18
find joy in a terrible thing 911 jokes
01:20:20
Holocaust jokes AIDS jokes rape jokes
01:20:22
you're trying to get into find
01:20:25
making fun break that down we're
01:20:28
creating fun you know people like you're
01:20:31
making fun of this like right I'm
01:20:33
creating fun out of a terrible situation
01:20:36
um that guy Don bars used to run the j&
01:20:39
a yeah there was a time we had a friend
01:20:41
die Freddy stto died I don't know what
01:20:44
just in the Sleep one day really helpful
01:20:47
looked out for everybody really just
01:20:49
supportive guy when we all started um
01:20:51
and nobody could believe it I was like
01:20:53
what the f at the time I was banned from
01:20:54
The Comedy Store for beating up Bobby
01:20:56
Lee too much I was angry about a chick
01:20:59
and I was taking down on him and I was
01:21:00
just every chance I get I was punching
01:21:01
him and they were like all right you're
01:21:03
out you can't be here and I lived two
01:21:05
blocks away and I got the call Freddy
01:21:08
SoDo died and I was like what the [ __ ]
01:21:11
and these bands always lasted between a
01:21:12
month and six months and then would end
01:21:14
you were always welcome back um but at
01:21:16
the time I was banned I was I it we
01:21:18
couldn't understand Freddy sod of dying
01:21:19
it's like it was the first one that died
01:21:22
that I knew of and it was like I
01:21:25
remember walking down the steps of my
01:21:26
apartment then just collapsing on the
01:21:28
steps and then like keep walk and then I
01:21:30
met someone in front of the com another
01:21:32
comic we just hugged and we sat on the
01:21:34
on the on the sidewalk like with our
01:21:36
feet on the street or and just like
01:21:38
sitting there and Don bears comes up and
01:21:40
he goes I'm glad you're letting the band
01:21:41
be enforced you shouldn't be in here
01:21:43
it's good you're on the street it was
01:21:45
just a cathartic laugh he made fun yes
01:21:49
out of a terrible situation and that's
01:21:52
what some of us are trying to do others
01:21:53
are trying to do like funny like
01:21:54
lollipop jokes it is true that funerals
01:21:56
and wakes Memorial Services you know the
01:21:58
kind of the
01:22:00
saddest you know get togethers that we
01:22:02
have they always wind up in hilarity
01:22:05
yeah do have you experienced that yeah
01:22:07
uh this guy Bob oshack who ran the
01:22:09
memorial for Freddy's hoto it was in the
01:22:11
main room of The Comedy Store and he
01:22:12
starts off he was like really good
01:22:13
friends and best friends they started
01:22:14
together and he goes you know this is a
01:22:16
weird time and he set the tone right
01:22:18
away he goes um you know I'm here um
01:22:21
it's just weird that it took Freddy
01:22:23
dying for me to finally get a main room
01:22:25
spot and just MIT he starts laughing and
01:22:27
it's just like it's just like Hey we're
01:22:29
going to enjoy this we're not going to
01:22:31
cry we're going to but we're going to
01:22:32
try not
01:22:33
to so that's what we do and then some
01:22:36
people are just not understanding it
01:22:38
it's almost it's almost but other
01:22:39
stand-ups are policing their colleagues
01:22:42
they
01:22:43
fall it used to we just talk [ __ ] about
01:22:45
them it what I was doing a [ __ ] joke
01:22:48
a long time ago and Mark Mayon was just
01:22:49
like looking at me like whatever and he
01:22:51
goes you're smarter than that man that
01:22:53
sucks but he like I said wasn't he
01:22:55
didn't put me in a moral low ground him
01:22:56
in a moral High Ground he was just like
01:22:58
you're smarter than that but I'm like
01:23:00
yeah smart people also like getting
01:23:01
their [ __ ] balls drained they can all
01:23:03
relate to it it's Universal it works in
01:23:05
Romania in China in America everybody
01:23:07
can relate to it I don't see a problem
01:23:09
with it some stupid jokes are fine um
01:23:13
but it wasn't a fight you know we just
01:23:15
talk [ __ ] about each other behind our
01:23:16
backs in a fun way Al that guy's just
01:23:18
doing like alt jokes he sucks he sucks
01:23:21
but like never go publicly about it now
01:23:23
it's this thing this moral ground you
01:23:24
get activated online where you just feel
01:23:27
like have you been attacked by other
01:23:29
stand-ups yeah yeah but
01:23:32
also far more the real story is I've
01:23:35
been supported by other stand-ups yeah I
01:23:37
would imagine you know at at a 95% rate
01:23:40
they the Kobe Bryant stuff they for that
01:23:42
a few but even in that it was mostly
01:23:45
positive texts how you doing you okay I
01:23:47
thought that was hilarious and then a
01:23:49
few
01:23:50
Knuckleheads that's it who just felt you
01:23:52
got punished for that
01:23:56
yeah yeah
01:23:58
yeah yeah it ruled out I got a call from
01:24:02
Milo going good one bro nice one you got
01:24:04
a lot of people mad I'm like thanks
01:24:05
buddy coming from you that's [ __ ]
01:24:07
awesome um so Milo appreciated it yeah
01:24:10
Duncan was like I think this might be
01:24:12
your best one I'm like I know I made I
01:24:14
made a I made a city
01:24:17
crumble yeah it was great I turned
01:24:20
comedians into Hypocrites they were all
01:24:23
like if you don't like a joke just walk
01:24:24
away and now these same guys because
01:24:26
they live in LA or they were black they
01:24:29
were like this is going too far I'm like
01:24:31
haha you have no
01:24:33
ideals I found I found your [ __ ] it's
01:24:35
all oh just walk away if it's a rape
01:24:37
joke but if it's a [ __ ] about one of
01:24:38
your Heroes like oh no I don't like it
01:24:40
you've never been triggered now you're
01:24:42
triggered now you understand those
01:24:43
people walking out he's screaming as
01:24:45
they walk out it's also helpful for the
01:24:47
rest of us to know who they are the the
01:24:48
phonies yeah it's just like did you get
01:24:52
dropped by your man for that manager
01:24:55
dropped me she was also getting death
01:24:58
threats at home because you made fun of
01:25:00
Kobe Bryant dude Laker fans are [ __ ]
01:25:04
they're not smart people they've only
01:25:06
had winners so they don't understand
01:25:08
what struggle is they're just they're
01:25:09
dumb they're bad people they're Laker
01:25:14
fans so how when she called you what'
01:25:16
she say your your man she's like I think
01:25:18
that's I think that's I think she might
01:25:19
have texted me she like I think that's
01:25:20
the end of the road for us um but I'm
01:25:22
getting these like the say they're going
01:25:25
to come to they doxed her they're like
01:25:26
I'm going to come to your house and rape
01:25:27
you it's like GH don't deal with that
01:25:29
get yeah get out of here what what are
01:25:31
you guys doing they upped it they upped
01:25:33
it at that point I never seen them up it
01:25:34
like that where instead of going after
01:25:36
you they'll go after other people like
01:25:38
your loved ones to try to hurt you and
01:25:40
it's like what do they do what what what
01:25:43
do you just it's just idiots you know
01:25:46
online going let me it's like they're
01:25:48
all playing they don't even if they
01:25:49
actually saw someone they wouldn't do
01:25:50
that you know they actually nothing
01:25:53
actual in real life by the way zero only
01:25:55
online stuff and I tried to calm
01:25:57
everybody down I like guys I've been
01:25:58
getting death threats for two decades
01:26:01
this isn't real this is gamer talk this
01:26:05
is just gamer talk that's true yeah the
01:26:07
best one was this guy was like if you
01:26:09
come to North Carolina I'll kick your
01:26:10
[ __ ] ass I swear to God and then an
01:26:13
hour lady wrote back he goes okay I see
01:26:15
you're in North Carolina right now but
01:26:16
if you come to greensbor North Carolina
01:26:18
I'm going to really kick your ass I'm
01:26:19
like no you took a shot already dork you
01:26:21
took your shot shut up do see you I'll
01:26:24
kill you I'm like my tour schedule's
01:26:26
there have some [ __ ] ideals come get
01:26:29
me do you worry about that I used to in
01:26:32
the very beginning but it's it was never
01:26:35
even a [ __ ] you in person it was never
01:26:38
even a like you shut up [ __ ] you it was
01:26:40
never even that let alone actual
01:26:43
danger so you've never had anybody come
01:26:45
to your house or hassle you or anything
01:26:47
like that no no but online and they went
01:26:50
off to other people and so then but no
01:26:53
one I was never pun punish from any
01:26:55
moral your manager shouldn't drop you I
01:26:57
mean I felt sorry I feel sorry for her
01:26:59
hearing about it that she got threatened
01:27:01
yeah but you're paying this person to
01:27:04
have your back in moments exactly like
01:27:06
this right yeah right so to abandon you
01:27:09
in one of those moments is pretty much
01:27:12
the greatest der elic of Duty imaginable
01:27:15
yeah we're not really friends anymore
01:27:17
yeah yeah um yeah exactly like you got
01:27:20
to this is the time just what's the
01:27:21
whole point yeah help me through this
01:27:23
it's not when you're like oh yeah and
01:27:25
then my producer pulled out cuz they
01:27:27
were like I was going to do that special
01:27:29
and then he was like I can't do it cuz
01:27:31
he was in la la people thought it was
01:27:32
the end of the world and I was like what
01:27:34
no it's nothing even I even had a an
01:27:37
Uber driver I coming back from Charlotte
01:27:39
I was doing a gig in Charlotte when it
01:27:40
happened and I came back sat an Uber
01:27:43
driver and he was talking he was like uh
01:27:45
did you hear about this Kobe Bryant guy
01:27:47
I was like yeah he goes I was like what
01:27:48
do you what do you think about it he
01:27:49
goes it's just weird they're I don't
01:27:52
know it's like it's it's sad but like
01:27:55
it's him and his daughter and then seven
01:27:57
other people they don't seem to give a
01:27:58
[ __ ] about those seven other
01:28:00
people and I'm like right R that's fair
01:28:03
you got it that's that's where these
01:28:04
jokes are when some celebrity dies and
01:28:06
I'm mocking them online it's because
01:28:08
like you guys value celebrity life over
01:28:10
a normal life well you also made a
01:28:13
pretty biting point I thought well I'll
01:28:15
tell you my reaction which is I never
01:28:17
criticize anyone when he dies okay right
01:28:20
so there's that but I'm not a standup
01:28:22
but I thought you made a totally fair
01:28:23
point I'm not against Kobe Bryant but he
01:28:25
was credibly accused of rape yeah they
01:28:27
hassled the woman till she dropped
01:28:29
dropped out right started spreading
01:28:30
rumors about her seven other people see
01:28:32
an Insider like no during the trial
01:28:35
right and stuff we wouldn't hold by
01:28:37
today and he he admitted that she never
01:28:40
gave consent but he implied nonverbally
01:28:43
that there was consent and that he
01:28:45
strangled her so like there was
01:28:47
something there his words although at
01:28:49
the time I didn't realize I now know she
01:28:51
does not think she gave me consent it's
01:28:54
like all right so I'm not much that's
01:28:58
his word right I'm not much of a
01:28:59
feminist even I'm like no that sounds
01:29:01
like great to me also I don't really
01:29:04
care what I'm doing is making fun of our
01:29:06
society well that's exactly exactly it I
01:29:08
haven't stayed up late worrying about
01:29:10
Kobe Bryant's assault uh either but
01:29:13
these are the same people who are
01:29:14
telling me to Value all women and
01:29:15
believe all women or whatever but they
01:29:17
actually don't care at all it was wild
01:29:18
and you made that point I Fair Point as
01:29:21
a Laker hater it's going well they're
01:29:24
not going to let him off like he'll be
01:29:25
going to jail hoping he would because
01:29:27
like I want the Lakers to fail yeah and
01:29:29
then when it became time for him to go
01:29:30
to like he retired I'm like they're not
01:29:32
going to let him have a retirement
01:29:33
season The Women of LA the liberal
01:29:36
[ __ ] Women of LA are never going to
01:29:38
let this accused rapists get through his
01:29:41
[ __ ] Victory lap without mentioning
01:29:43
it and they were so cucky they just were
01:29:47
like no we don't go after black people
01:29:49
we only go after white people that's
01:29:51
just the way it
01:29:52
is so so this has been brewing inside
01:29:56
you for a while well I hate the Lakers I
01:29:58
just like whatever I had a bid on an old
01:30:00
old album of just it was called hashtag
01:30:02
[ __ ] the Lakers and I was in Denver I
01:30:04
was like oh this is where he [ __ ]
01:30:05
raped that chick right here did people
01:30:07
laugh yeah of course why do you hate the
01:30:10
Lakers um I don't really it's just fun
01:30:13
but it's because they killed comedy
01:30:15
shows in La every time they're in the
01:30:16
playoffs it'd be up three 0 in the first
01:30:18
round and a game when they'd be the one
01:30:21
seed against an eight seed and you'd
01:30:22
have a show and no one would show up cuz
01:30:24
they all have to watch the F these
01:30:25
bandwagon fans had to watch the [ __ ]
01:30:27
Lakers oh so I'm like I [ __ ] hate the
01:30:29
Lakers nobody hates the Clippers no you
01:30:32
know so it's like so you just like lean
01:30:34
into it like my number one team is anti-
01:30:37
Lakers that's totally fair number two
01:30:38
team is the Pelicans yeah when you tell
01:30:41
jokes in China yeah do you tailor them
01:30:44
to a Chinese audience and like what's a
01:30:45
funny joke in China so anywhere
01:30:49
else it's you get halfway through a joke
01:30:52
and realize ah [ __ ] you're not going to
01:30:54
understand this reference like you don't
01:30:55
even think about it a dog eating joke or
01:30:56
something like that no you don't do that
01:30:58
they were just like very clear do not
01:30:59
make fun of the government and I was
01:31:01
like okay and they're like listen we're
01:31:02
going to tell you twice because I know
01:31:04
you're a comedian we're comedians we can
01:31:06
tell you that it's going to make you
01:31:07
want to do it don't do it we'll get shut
01:31:09
down there's a chance you get arrested
01:31:10
there's a chance we get arrested don't
01:31:12
do it it's not like it won't be it won't
01:31:15
work it's going to be painful for all of
01:31:17
us and I still did one anyway I was like
01:31:19
talking about anti-government at the
01:31:20
time and I was like my country needs a
01:31:22
[ __ ] M to come [ __ ] murder all our
01:31:24
Senators and they were like whoa whoa
01:31:26
and I was like no no it's prau it's prau
01:31:28
and like dud change the [ __ ]
01:31:32
subject yeah but anyway that Kobe stuff
01:31:35
some people just like weighed in and got
01:31:36
mad and they were like he shouldn't say
01:31:37
this I like [ __ ] off wait other standups
01:31:39
said that yeah a few like who I'm nah
01:31:42
but like uh they know who they are it
01:31:44
doesn't matter others were mad but just
01:31:46
like personally like dude come on man
01:31:49
Miss Pat called me was like Ari you
01:31:51
can't make fun of our heroes like make
01:31:52
fun of Dennis Rodman
01:31:54
and I was like all right or Michelle
01:31:55
Obama she goes no not Michelle
01:31:57
Obama I'll tell you you can make fun of
01:31:59
but she just called and like and like
01:32:01
would check up on me and stuff like that
01:32:03
and then other people she'd be like [ __ ]
01:32:04
that fat [ __ ] for going against you oh
01:32:06
Miss Pat rolles but like the normal
01:32:09
people would just check on you and never
01:32:10
say a word you know some people like
01:32:13
fought tooth and nail to be like defend
01:32:15
me um other people just like it's not my
01:32:18
fight but I hope you're doing okay who
01:32:20
defended
01:32:21
you Mark Norman went hard on me once not
01:32:25
hard on me hard for me on a on a radio
01:32:27
show in San Diego talking about how like
01:32:30
the jokes are jokes if you didn't like
01:32:32
it it's just you didn't like it uh uh
01:32:34
Andrew Schulz went on The Breakfast Club
01:32:36
a very black show yeah and was like you
01:32:38
guys are way off you're way off I mean
01:32:41
that was ballsy to go on a black show he
01:32:43
was a black hero so just like when Cosby
01:32:45
stuff came out and they didn't want to
01:32:46
hear it they didn't want to hear this
01:32:47
either so I like I like bringing it up
01:32:49
again it's not about Kobe it's about
01:32:51
them worshiping Heroes so he was like no
01:32:53
it's a [ __ ] [ __ ] joke you guys are
01:32:54
getting it wrong and then um that was
01:32:58
how did that go over they were fighting
01:32:59
him and he was fighting back good for
01:33:02
him has always been on the right side of
01:33:04
this other people Hing Cliff some people
01:33:05
he was like he goes hard
01:33:08
defending just any comic there air and
01:33:10
the side are just defending your art
01:33:12
form and don't even say hey I didn't
01:33:14
find the joke funny but it's his right
01:33:15
to say it well don't even say that part
01:33:17
just say the second part it's his right
01:33:19
to say it why wa why when everyone's
01:33:21
coming against somebody for a joke be
01:33:22
like I didn't find it funny don't say
01:33:24
that you would never say that normally
01:33:25
you would never in times of Peace go I
01:33:27
didn't find that but Tony hinp defended
01:33:29
you Tony no Schulz defended Tony
01:33:33
Hinchcliffe oh when he had a they all
01:33:35
get buffles you know
01:33:39
um who else um oh Tim Dylan made like
01:33:43
really funny jokes about it good for him
01:33:44
you know Tim right he was just here yeah
01:33:47
in fact I texted with him yesterday he
01:33:49
fit in this chair he's slim these days
01:33:53
yeah he's in fighting form yeah he's on
01:33:54
a diet of [ __ ] twink [ __ ] um I didn't
01:33:59
ask him about that I I don't think he's
01:34:01
really gay not true real don't think we
01:34:05
all be like prove it kiss one guy in
01:34:07
front of us totally we do you remember
01:34:09
Pete Buddha judge ran for president he's
01:34:12
supposedly gay and uh now he's
01:34:15
Transportation secretary and I had a one
01:34:18
of my producers is gay and he goes you
01:34:19
know he's not gay I was like are you
01:34:21
serious he goes no that's complete
01:34:22
[ __ ] wow W oh no he goes and you
01:34:25
know they all gays all keep very close
01:34:27
track of that stuff oh yeah and my
01:34:28
producer like no that that's it's
01:34:30
totally aose he was dating women just a
01:34:32
few years ago that's totally fake he's
01:34:33
not gay at all smart so I said that on
01:34:36
the air people got all offended I
01:34:38
thought it was kind of hilarious if
01:34:39
hilarious it is is hilarious yes and
01:34:41
also like I'm not against gays I'm
01:34:43
saying he's not one well that that's
01:34:45
what I said
01:34:47
yeah so Tim went on and he goes uh he he
01:34:50
he plays a good dumb sometimes on
01:34:52
purpose like you do with the questions
01:34:54
he does that with dumb he had this thing
01:34:55
about when they were trying to ban AO um
01:34:58
and he had Giannis Papas has this like
01:35:00
old Greek Guy character and he was like
01:35:03
asking questions to Pete about about APO
01:35:06
asking questions to Tim about APO and he
01:35:07
goes this man he is uh he's a a bad
01:35:10
father he goes oh no he's actually a
01:35:12
great father there's a white character
01:35:13
in the show who's a really he chokes his
01:35:15
children he's a really bad father but
01:35:16
Apu is no he's got eight kids and he's
01:35:19
really wonderful so he uh he's s dead
01:35:21
beat no small business owner
01:35:25
goes I don't get it and Tim's like yeah
01:35:27
I don't know they just don't like her
01:35:29
anyway so he did that with me where he
01:35:30
goes um he goes AR's actions and his
01:35:33
words were terrible to take a hero like
01:35:35
that and make fun of her and his and his
01:35:37
and his um and his producers like yeah
01:35:40
it's tough It's like I just like you get
01:35:42
on on the day of a death to make fun of
01:35:45
artha Franklin is so shitty and the
01:35:49
producer's like no no no it's it was not
01:35:51
K's like no no I read he did a thing
01:35:52
about artha Franklin and he goes that
01:35:54
was a different one he goes oh so he
01:35:56
does this all the time it's not about
01:35:57
this one thing that they hear no he said
01:35:59
something about arita Franklin and he's
01:36:01
like it's not that he goes well I'm
01:36:03
pretty pissed about the a the Franklin
01:36:04
thing from like three years earlier it
01:36:07
was just his way of saying like guys
01:36:08
shut the [ __ ] up in a funny way that was
01:36:11
like the most creative way to do it oh
01:36:13
that's so that's inspiring does anybody
01:36:15
pay any attention at all to the late
01:36:18
night
01:36:19
hosts no like that's not even a a
01:36:22
category anymore I guess but that's but
01:36:24
not
01:36:25
even so funny you see them sometimes
01:36:28
like crying about something like what
01:36:29
happened to your industry you're crying
01:36:32
but when you were a
01:36:33
kid I mean that's all it was yeah that
01:36:36
was it you watched the tonight's show
01:36:38
monologue but when you guys gets it when
01:36:40
like you and Tim Dylan are having dinner
01:36:42
yeah you're not talking about what
01:36:43
Kimmel said no occasionally we will talk
01:36:47
I'm trying trying to stay positive so
01:36:49
occasionally we'll talk about how cool
01:36:50
Kimmel used to be and how that is really
01:36:53
him the cool guy yeah and he's I don't
01:36:55
know playing pretend or whatever Kimel
01:36:57
had a there was a roast for a um a local
01:37:01
kind of kind of lunatic comedian Peter
01:37:03
Chen um we had a sort of fake roast has
01:37:06
distinct from other comedians or what
01:37:07
does that mean uh he was a bit crazy the
01:37:10
owner of the com were passed him as a as
01:37:12
a to like let everyone else kind of [ __ ]
01:37:15
with him he he was a bit of a yeah not a
01:37:17
not me lunatic or you lunatic but like
01:37:20
off um and and understand stand up says
01:37:24
that it's real a terrible terrible com
01:37:25
like an un no future no past comedian
01:37:31
um yeah and so he was just a local like
01:37:34
at The Comedy Store he was like you
01:37:35
could just [ __ ] with him all the time
01:37:38
he's crazy and angry driven to anger at
01:37:40
all times so it was fun to [ __ ] with him
01:37:42
um so we had a roast for him and um
01:37:45
everyone you know did their thing then
01:37:47
he it's his turn to get up and he goes
01:37:49
uh to everybody like you say this about
01:37:51
me I but I you are the man uh nice you
01:37:53
wear a plaid shirt not straight lines
01:37:55
and like he thinks he's getting you and
01:37:57
then he goes to Jimmy Kimmel was on the
01:37:59
on the deas um it mean it's an 80 seater
01:38:02
that's got 30 people in it before he
01:38:04
might have already had a show he might
01:38:05
not have but um but he goes and Jimmy
01:38:09
you say I am a snake you are a snake and
01:38:12
Jimmy Kimmel cracked his beer bottle
01:38:14
he's like I'll [ __ ] kill you eny help
01:38:17
back that's who he is he's a funny guy I
01:38:22
I don't know what that is but he's a
01:38:24
funny guy what about the other
01:38:27
two
01:38:30
um uh who is it Fallon yeah Fallon I
01:38:33
can't
01:38:35
remember and the guy from The Daily Show
01:38:37
the guy from The Daily Show yeah um I
01:38:39
don't I've never seen The Daily Show
01:38:40
that he his old show is pretty funny the
01:38:42
fake Republican very funny yeah I agree
01:38:47
um you know Fallon's a [ __ ] He's also
01:38:51
he's so clean on there but I don't think
01:38:54
he's that clean I think he's like a
01:38:56
boozer and a fun guy from what I hear I
01:38:59
don't know so that's just totally that's
01:39:01
not even a factor in comedy yeah I did
01:39:03
like I did like when he goes uh when
01:39:04
they were like hey you're losing the
01:39:06
ratings to the other guy to the to the
01:39:07
Daily Show guy you need to talk about
01:39:10
Trump and stuff and he goes that's just
01:39:11
not me I play ping pong with guests that
01:39:15
so if everyone wants to hear that then
01:39:16
you should go to that guy but if you
01:39:18
want to hear a good lipsync battle I'm
01:39:20
your guy well good for him yeah exactly
01:39:21
know who you are yeah I just think more
01:39:23
comics should do that stay in your lane
01:39:25
be funny you can write a tweet against
01:39:27
Trump or Biden make it a joke so many
01:39:30
Comics Louie said this because Comics
01:39:32
[ __ ] themselves over because they were
01:39:34
like it's just a joke it's just a joke
01:39:36
but as an audience member you're like
01:39:37
but a lot of you guys are not joking
01:39:39
legitimately you're making serious
01:39:40
statements so how are we the audience to
01:39:42
know when you're joking and when you're
01:39:43
not this guy might be the worst
01:39:45
president of all time that's not a joke
01:39:48
no make it a joke this guy's a worse
01:39:51
president than Kermit was at being a
01:39:53
[ __ ] I don't know I don't know I
01:39:55
don't know but there's a joke possible
01:39:57
so then what do you make of
01:39:59
Chappelle in general he's a great comic
01:40:01
well of course he is but there's also a
01:40:04
Ser I'm not there's not a criticism just
01:40:06
I've seen it of what well there's a it's
01:40:09
it's all like his he did this the [ __ ]
01:40:13
special he did was like an
01:40:15
editorial it was not he was not joking
01:40:17
he was serious is that good or bad
01:40:20
there's a thing I'll say that happens to
01:40:21
a lot of people
01:40:24
um you get some and it's not necessarily
01:40:26
him because everyone's on their own path
01:40:30
but you get some backlash yeah and then
01:40:33
instead of just allowing there to be
01:40:35
backlash you want I think it comes from
01:40:38
a place of you want to win those people
01:40:39
over and explain you're not the guy
01:40:40
you're not the guy they think and you
01:40:42
want to win them over but then what
01:40:44
happens
01:40:45
is your creative output is spent trying
01:40:48
to win over people who hate you instead
01:40:51
of trying to please the people who do
01:40:52
love you
01:40:54
and that's your core group and keep
01:40:56
honoring them and these other people it
01:40:59
sways them all when the people go really
01:41:02
I just got it that is a really smart
01:41:03
observation thanks buddy it's not just
01:41:05
comedy that no I'm saying [ __ ]
01:41:08
anti-semite we can't all we can be is a
01:41:10
brain you have a high verbal
01:41:11
intelligence I'll say no I think that's
01:41:14
a really insightful thing to say it's
01:41:15
not just comedians by the way who do
01:41:17
that right right right yeah and then it
01:41:18
just keeps going further and further
01:41:20
over until you this warped [ __ ] gllm
01:41:22
version of yourself yes and like what
01:41:25
happened to you and I've seen it they
01:41:27
won actually they won your enemies won
01:41:29
the critics won they distorted you and
01:41:32
it's not even like let me do a good joke
01:41:34
about this it's hey I was already done
01:41:35
with that so I'm not gonna keep doing
01:41:38
jokes I'm not so people ask me about
01:41:40
when I did this Jew thing like you
01:41:41
should come out in a helicopter and do
01:41:43
whatever I'm like guys that was a
01:41:44
throwaway line on [ __ ] three
01:41:46
minutes you you only hear about so
01:41:49
that's what you want me to be I was
01:41:51
never going to cover that again that was
01:41:52
a one joke about the [ __ ] Lakers I
01:41:55
moved on the other stuff you want me to
01:41:57
live in that forever that's that's crazy
01:41:59
so you keep doing also artists do this
01:42:01
when they get positive feedback well
01:42:04
it's like I do a bunch of different
01:42:05
paintings but there ones about deer seem
01:42:07
to sell more so well I guess I'll paint
01:42:09
more deers and it's like that's not your
01:42:12
natural progression as a visual Artist
01:42:15
as a painter so how do you keep an can't
01:42:18
read any of it you can't read any
01:42:19
feedback positive feedback is just as
01:42:20
deadly as negative feack yes I agree
01:42:23
yeah people telling you we like that I
01:42:24
knew I liked you this is exactly right
01:42:26
yeah can't read anything can't allow it
01:42:28
in right you can you as a comic we got
01:42:31
something that nobody gets is immediate
01:42:34
reaction uh I can hear the laughs yes we
01:42:36
know when it's good and when it's bad
01:42:39
and sometimes when you're starting
01:42:40
somebody be like no no they were
01:42:41
laughing in the back you couldn't hear
01:42:42
I'm like they're facing me I can hear I
01:42:44
got the best seat in the house for the
01:42:45
laughs and I know when there's good
01:42:47
laugh and bad laugh and I know even in
01:42:49
that 15-minute set that I thought was
01:42:50
bad there was one joke that killed and
01:42:52
the other 14 were not good so I'm aware
01:42:54
what the line was for this crowd and I
01:42:56
failed and it's okay and they tell you
01:42:58
like no this that I can tell from
01:43:01
immediate feedback I don't have to go
01:43:03
home and go who was saying anything
01:43:04
about it online I know what worked every
01:43:07
time they come out with a thing against
01:43:08
Comics they're like and this [ __ ]
01:43:10
crowd was laughing this crowd doesn't
01:43:11
know me especially if it's at the seller
01:43:13
the stand of The Comedy Store this is
01:43:15
not our crowds they're just there for
01:43:16
the show and we're going on and if
01:43:18
you're making them laugh that's a bunch
01:43:20
of strangers laughing that's all the
01:43:21
feedback you need or a bunch of
01:43:24
strangers not laughing and that's also
01:43:26
great feedback you know occasionally
01:43:29
you'll get a comedian go hey there's
01:43:30
something there don't give up on that
01:43:31
joke wait but everything you're saying
01:43:33
is um true and wise more important but
01:43:37
there's also the reality of touring for
01:43:39
any gig which is you wind up in a hotel
01:43:42
room alone yeah and there's nothing to
01:43:44
do it's depressing and you're on your
01:43:46
phone and you're like I wonder what the
01:43:48
reaction to this was that's fair and I
01:43:50
should say this I Fall to it
01:43:53
constantly um when I say don't read that
01:43:56
it's advising myself read it us that's
01:43:59
right you know um we were all talking
01:44:01
once at the store in the parking lot and
01:44:03
um Gerard carmichel showed up we were
01:44:05
all talking talking about reading
01:44:06
comments and stuff and he was like yeah
01:44:08
you shouldn't read this before was what
01:44:10
year was this with
01:44:11
him I think it was right after he had
01:44:13
his first TV show so he's kind of a star
01:44:15
like Beyonce knows him but not like
01:44:17
internationally he was doing well anyway
01:44:19
whatever and he goes yeah yeah you
01:44:21
shouldn't read it but it people talking
01:44:23
about you it's interesting right it's
01:44:25
Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn like let's go
01:44:27
up there and hear my [ __ ] you're a
01:44:29
performer I mean you play for people and
01:44:31
for their reaction so this is another
01:44:33
form of it yeah and you want to hear it
01:44:35
and but it's just like do something else
01:44:38
it's it's deadly every once in a while
01:44:40
I'll go open up Instagram when I'm bored
01:44:41
I'm like don't fight back one time and
01:44:44
it's not like a whole sale like I'll
01:44:45
never be on here but I'm like right now
01:44:47
I shouldn't be on I'm in the woods I'm
01:44:48
in the woods sometimes and I go on my
01:44:50
phone it's like [ __ ] uh
01:44:53
well you you did take four and a half
01:44:55
months off without your phone so I don't
01:44:57
know any else who's done that yeah it's
01:45:00
just like you set your own line and
01:45:01
behind my line I'm I'm about to I've
01:45:03
been for almost a year I've been trying
01:45:05
to get on this light phone you know the
01:45:07
Light phone no this company they made it
01:45:10
uh it's you can do regular texting it's
01:45:14
the the the buyers are two people they
01:45:17
are people who want to spend less time
01:45:18
online and people who don't want to be
01:45:21
spied on they're Woods people and
01:45:23
there's [ __ ] liberals who don't want
01:45:24
to follow fall to it I'm in the ladder I
01:45:27
guess
01:45:29
um full texting there's no email on
01:45:33
there there's a Maps app but not Google
01:45:35
Maps because they don't want those
01:45:36
people don't want to be tracked so it's
01:45:38
some other Maps app I think there is a
01:45:40
ride share app
01:45:43
um and some sort of music playing app I
01:45:46
think but not Spotify because they don't
01:45:48
want anybody algorithm you the lightone
01:45:50
3 is about to come out with a camera
01:45:52
unrelated like it takes a picture on so
01:45:54
that's all I use my phone for so that
01:45:56
would be for me yeah I want one where I
01:45:58
can't get this stuff on there I can't
01:46:00
get email I'll check it at home I want
01:46:02
to be able to text and not have to do
01:46:04
this which is [ __ ] annoying right um
01:46:07
so a full keyboard they used to have the
01:46:08
one that flipped open like that um the
01:46:10
LG envy and you could text like that
01:46:12
flip phone but you could text like that
01:46:14
it's a breeze I loved it I gave up email
01:46:17
um completely no email I don't do no
01:46:19
email no email how do you deal with like
01:46:22
long form
01:46:23
I text that's it and I try to make I
01:46:26
mean I'm sure I miss a lot you know and
01:46:28
I um how does someone send you well
01:46:30
because they can send you a link you can
01:46:31
open read this yeah or PDF or I just
01:46:34
don't deal with stuff wow and because I
01:46:37
think it's it's just it takes too much
01:46:40
time yeah I think I've lost probably
01:46:42
half to a full decade of my life to this
01:46:44
right and so it might be worth saying
01:46:47
you know I'm I'm an artist I'm a Creator
01:46:49
I'm a little eccentric got a weird
01:46:51
personal life and I'm just not playing
01:46:52
along with your conventions M you could
01:46:54
probably pull that off you're also in a
01:46:56
position where you're successful enough
01:46:58
where you be like guys deal with it for
01:47:00
me like handle this yeah but there's not
01:47:02
that much actually you can bang it out
01:47:04
on text and then then you can get to the
01:47:06
bottom of it every day then you go to
01:47:08
sleep with nothing and make a phone call
01:47:09
like hey explain this to me let's go
01:47:11
over it real quick it's going to take us
01:47:12
10 minutes not texting it take us five
01:47:14
hours yeah I don't a ton of phone calls
01:47:16
out okay because you can't do those at
01:47:18
2: in the
01:47:19
morning yeah yeah so you I wish there
01:47:22
was way to send a text schedule send a
01:47:24
text can you make more at at some point
01:47:28
will standups be able to make more money
01:47:30
on the internet than they made on TV
01:47:32
they already are they already are yeah
01:47:34
they already are so it's like it's
01:47:36
pretty wild the lack of caring they have
01:47:39
for these conventions now some of the
01:47:42
comics have made so much money they've
01:47:43
reim prisoned themselves and that's why
01:47:46
they usually come out against the comic
01:47:47
who cross the line because they're
01:47:49
afraid of their own money kind of going
01:47:51
away instead of just defending their
01:47:53
friends when when Harvey Weinstein came
01:47:55
out when it came out about Harvey
01:47:58
Weinstein um they went to Tarantino and
01:48:02
it's like well you worked with him you
01:48:03
need to weigh you need to make your
01:48:04
statement and he said something along
01:48:06
the lines of hey guys I've known this
01:48:07
guy for 25 to 30 years he was at my
01:48:10
wedding I was at his or vice whatever um
01:48:13
this has been a friend for a long time
01:48:15
you need to give me some time to think
01:48:16
about this and it seemed reasonable
01:48:19
enough and they kind of went away I
01:48:20
don't even know if he ever said anything
01:48:22
but what's saying anything going to do
01:48:23
anyway exactly you just they need more
01:48:25
of that but they're all scared of losing
01:48:27
their position so they sell out their
01:48:28
friends La Comics more than New York so
01:48:30
the more money they make the more
01:48:32
cowardly they become we all wanted to do
01:48:34
another our own thing and then this
01:48:35
money impr prison they had these jobs I
01:48:36
mean I I make fun of Rogan once in a
01:48:38
while where I was like I remember when
01:48:40
he was still in LA and I was like hey
01:48:41
I'm coming to town want to go on a hike
01:48:44
he goes I can't I got to interview some
01:48:45
guy and I was like I just cancel he goes
01:48:47
nah he's coming from Australia I got to
01:48:49
[ __ ] do it and I was like oh for your
01:48:50
job
01:48:52
say shut up all right oh you wouldn't do
01:48:54
it for millions of dollars like no I
01:48:55
would but don't ignore you have are you
01:48:57
worried about getting too successful
01:48:59
where you can't take four months off and
01:49:00
go to Myanmar I
01:49:03
I
01:49:05
no no the problem becomes when you have
01:49:08
a like this guy and that guy where like
01:49:11
you guys rely on me for money yeah so
01:49:13
now it's a separate thing and that's
01:49:15
when I didn't realize that's what Comedy
01:49:17
Central did to me um you got
01:49:19
employees well they were like well
01:49:21
there's all these like
01:49:23
you have all these staff members you
01:49:24
have all these people going to shoot
01:49:25
your show will kick you out they'll be
01:49:27
out of work they're not going to pay
01:49:28
their rent or you can comply and you're
01:49:30
like oh [ __ ] how horrible are they
01:49:34
they're just really horrible like they
01:49:36
are right I get that that feeling
01:49:38
they're done now they're off which is
01:49:40
sad because it was a good platform for
01:49:41
comedians I don't take any happiness in
01:49:44
their demog so that's actually my last
01:49:46
question is about is about the new
01:49:47
platform for commedians like how Central
01:49:49
is Rogan to all this to this to this
01:49:51
ecosystem I mean he is the best the
01:49:55
amount of support he has I mean there's
01:49:58
times where he goes so some big guy some
01:50:00
Oliver Stone wants me a podcast but I
01:50:02
can't I have this open micer on today or
01:50:04
tomorrow so I'm already booked I want to
01:50:05
promote this open micer whereas
01:50:07
everybody else would go well the Nate
01:50:08
Oliver Stone will get more hits than
01:50:09
this open micer so I can't he's just
01:50:12
like I'm the I'm the name I'm Joe Rogan
01:50:14
so I want to put this guy on or that guy
01:50:16
on and this guy's funny I want to push
01:50:19
him to a big platform instead of like
01:50:22
what's going to Happ help me book my
01:50:23
show it's like interesting I'll help me
01:50:25
he just the Casual talking about the
01:50:27
outlaw of standup has helped all of us
01:50:30
whether or not you've been on his show
01:50:31
or not he's made standup more popular
01:50:35
you know so now we we can all just I
01:50:37
mean it's succeeding on a it's a crazy
01:50:39
level so what like what's the effect on
01:50:42
a stand-ups career of going on
01:50:47
Rogan uh well one time is not as big as
01:50:50
as it once was cuz there now there's
01:50:52
thousand thousands of
01:50:53
episodes um but guys like Theo Von
01:50:57
launched off like a good early
01:50:58
appearance Tim Dylan launched off that
01:51:00
Dave Smith you know really be became
01:51:03
well known I know all three good guys
01:51:05
yeah yeah and you do well on that Joey
01:51:08
Diaz but like it was consistent ones you
01:51:10
know
01:51:12
um it's not like it's kind of like The
01:51:14
Tonight Show with Johnny Carson was a
01:51:16
long time ago it's like it they say like
01:51:17
you go on there you're a star and
01:51:18
everyone you talk to from back then like
01:51:20
no no no your eighth time on there
01:51:21
you're a star
01:51:23
but that whole week people recognize you
01:51:25
but unlike Carson I mean Rogan makes the
01:51:27
call himself he doesn't have y like
01:51:29
Scouts in the clubs at night yeah he's
01:51:32
like wow this lady
01:51:33
wasone female open micer we're all
01:51:37
getting high in the back and then you
01:51:38
have to walk past the original the the
01:51:40
room and you kind of like go in there
01:51:42
especially if you're high or drunk it's
01:51:44
great watching some high level unknown
01:51:47
comic you just it's it's great it's
01:51:48
laughs you know it's pre laughs um
01:51:53
yeah it's like you're passing by a live
01:51:54
standup comedy show on your way out of
01:51:56
work it's it's the best and he's in
01:51:58
there laughing go you're great he was
01:52:00
always really great Carson Carlin was
01:52:02
like that he'd sit in the back he knew
01:52:03
who he was and if you did well I'd be
01:52:05
like hey that's a really good set he
01:52:06
knew not to just keep that to himself he
01:52:09
knew what George Carlin saying good set
01:52:12
would mean did you know him I met him
01:52:14
once never said it to me never had a
01:52:17
good he didn't like your [ __ ] at all
01:52:18
never had a good set in front of him but
01:52:20
uh but if he was there and he saw you he
01:52:22
tipped me 20 bucks to get him a deli
01:52:25
sandwich and I was like no the com is
01:52:27
playing for I know it's for you and I
01:52:29
desperately needed it I mean I was poor
01:52:32
and Rogan was always passing money
01:52:34
around really oh yeah yeah he kept me in
01:52:38
business for a long time Rogan did I
01:52:40
opened for him for five six years on the
01:52:43
road yeah we're good
01:52:45
friends we're good friends but
01:52:49
like so I mean I can't I can't pay him
01:52:52
back I just try to be just try to pass
01:52:53
it how many dates do you do a year try
01:52:56
to limit it to 24 weeks a year and the
01:53:00
weeks can either be Friday for weeks it
01:53:03
can either be just Friday Saturday or
01:53:06
like for the Edinburgh Festival it's
01:53:07
it's an entire months fouret how do you
01:53:09
not get addicted to heroin doing that
01:53:11
that's so much time on the
01:53:13
road you you get to be a boozer for sure
01:53:17
yeah yeah heroin is always like one time
01:53:20
I had a thought like I may not want to
01:53:21
try it but I was like okay I'm going to
01:53:24
do it away from home so I can't find a
01:53:26
dealer that I can and then you realize
01:53:28
you can just find a dealer if you're you
01:53:31
probably pull that off yeah yeah so I
01:53:33
just haven't gotten into it but how do
01:53:35
you keep your life from
01:53:38
capsizing sometimes it gets bad you're
01:53:41
like oh I got to take that back a little
01:53:42
pot also some like N I messed up a show
01:53:44
a little bit not completely it went from
01:53:47
an A to like an A minus be like eh cool
01:53:50
it being high on stage being high being
01:53:51
drunk like let's get drunk afterwards
01:53:53
they asked earthquake once like do you
01:53:54
drink on stage I love this interview and
01:53:56
he goes standup comedy is one of the few
01:53:59
uh jobs that uh enable you the right to
01:54:02
embibe while you at work and I like to
01:54:05
Avail myself of that right and they go
01:54:08
does it ever make you worse he goes
01:54:09
almost every
01:54:13
time but uh yeah you just got to keep
01:54:15
track of it and not let it C you're
01:54:16
you're you're your own employee so it's
01:54:19
up to you yeah but there's a there's a
01:54:21
disconnection
01:54:22
that happened justify there's a lot of
01:54:24
sober Comics are couldn't handle it Joe
01:54:27
list I met Joe list gray comic I met him
01:54:29
when I moved to New York there was like
01:54:30
a separation between New York and La um
01:54:34
and I was like hey everybody here in New
01:54:35
York talks about you like like kind of
01:54:38
reveres you but I've never heard of you
01:54:40
coming from La like what's he goes you
01:54:43
want to know why I'm not as big as my
01:54:44
name yeah goes booze but I've been sober
01:54:46
for 6 months and now 12 years he's
01:54:50
crushing it now but he had to you know
01:54:52
he had to do that for himself other guy
01:54:54
I mean Rogan gets high all the time he
01:54:57
can handle it yeah but a lot of I mean
01:55:00
there's a reason that touring musicians
01:55:02
yeah you know it's just tour it's the
01:55:04
touring there was a DJ who quit who quit
01:55:07
dejing a high I forget who it was and
01:55:09
they were like he was like well I'm I'm
01:55:10
doing too much drugs I can't do it so I
01:55:12
got to stop dejing and people go just
01:55:14
don't do drugs while you DJ and he goes
01:55:16
you just don't know the world yeah you
01:55:18
have to um
01:55:22
yeah I don't try to self but yeah Rogan
01:55:25
he just rules for it and it's and it's a
01:55:27
way of like he's like pay your openers
01:55:29
well he was paying me $150 a set to MC
01:55:33
the standard rate was 50 he was paying
01:55:35
150 and then paying Joey Diaz would go
01:55:37
with us also he's paying him also 150
01:55:39
and the rate for the middle was 100 and
01:55:41
then one day he called me and Joey and
01:55:43
he goes hey I'm sorry I'm giving you
01:55:45
guys a raise but I'm like no one's
01:55:47
offering us that much definitely not
01:55:50
more he goes no you guys are Headliners
01:55:51
you should make headliner money I'm
01:55:52
giving you 250 a set so we'd come home
01:55:55
with like as much money as I would make
01:55:57
pretty much on my own headlining that I
01:56:01
never got any work by the way but like
01:56:04
it would have been the same and also
01:56:05
never touched my wallet and went out to
01:56:07
the finest
01:56:08
restaurants you know it was it was great
01:56:11
that's amazing why do you think he does
01:56:15
it I don't know he's a positive guy so
01:56:18
for a while he just brought Joey Diaz
01:56:20
with him and then um and Joey was pretty
01:56:23
coked up back then and sometimes he just
01:56:25
would not show
01:56:27
up um and he could bring a local but he
01:56:31
you got to be supportive to the scene
01:56:32
you got to help guys that are struggling
01:56:34
and he bring just Joey and then Joey
01:56:36
would he he'd get to the airport and
01:56:37
he's like Joey where are you don't
01:56:38
answer his phone and then he land in the
01:56:40
new city he's like where are you he goes
01:56:41
ah something came up I missed my flight
01:56:43
and it's like you I was at the airport
01:56:44
he missed your flight he just Coke
01:56:46
excuses you know yeah and so he's like
01:56:49
he's unreliable he might not show up it
01:56:51
became too much
01:56:53
but instead of saying you can't come
01:56:55
anymore he goes I'll just bring a second
01:56:57
opener so if you don't come I've still
01:56:59
got
01:57:00
somebody it's it's nuts to have an
01:57:02
employee go I just don't show up a lot
01:57:04
like I guess I'll hire two employees
01:57:06
then instead just firing the guy he was
01:57:09
like he's too funny he's got to be
01:57:10
supported it's our
01:57:12
responsibility that's remarkable yeah so
01:57:14
I try to do that with like young com
01:57:16
it's like you know it doesn't one time I
01:57:19
was wait so when when your opener gets
01:57:21
too how to to show up at the airport
01:57:23
you're okay with no I've never had a guy
01:57:24
like that people are too whatever but
01:57:26
like no I'm like I'll pay for your meals
01:57:27
if we're out like at a diner after spots
01:57:30
it's like ah I got it don't worry about
01:57:31
it because that's what I remember one of
01:57:33
those he was like brand new to La he
01:57:35
took us all out for like The Standard
01:57:37
Hotel um late night food he paid like
01:57:40
three times in a row on brand new this
01:57:42
isn't normal for someone you get a round
01:57:44
but not consistently get rounds that's
01:57:46
weird and we're at Carney we're at a it
01:57:48
was a chili dog place and I was like let
01:57:51
me get this one I was broke I couldn't
01:57:54
afford the standard hotel but Carney
01:57:55
like it's $3 each you know and um he
01:57:59
goes no no it's okay I'm like dude dude
01:58:00
please let me get it there's also like a
01:58:02
a man sort of like hierarchy thing you
01:58:04
can't keep paying for me I don't know
01:58:05
you like that um and I insisted and he
01:58:09
goes okay thank you appreciate that and
01:58:12
then later we're walking back to the com
01:58:13
where goes hey just so you know like
01:58:14
it's not a power position when I pay for
01:58:16
you it's just like that standard meal
01:58:19
for me is is about a quarter to you it's
01:58:22
it's about worth a one five nickels yeah
01:58:25
that's why I pay for it it doesn't it's
01:58:26
it's
01:58:27
meaningless it's not for power I thank
01:58:30
you for buy me Carneys but like that's
01:58:32
all I have more money so take some you
01:58:34
know like if I could just I could just
01:58:36
go get coffee at your spot I don't have
01:58:38
to ask so when Rogan got attacked when
01:58:40
they tried to claim he was a racist of
01:58:42
all things um oh yeah what it had like
01:58:46
no effect had no effect also Comics
01:58:48
supported him I think this is what you
01:58:49
got to do when there's there's this like
01:58:51
meteor of hatred coming at anybody you
01:58:53
get it plenty uh other people have
01:58:55
gotten play it's just me it's solid ball
01:58:57
and for a metat to break up it needs to
01:58:59
start breaking up and you get the image
01:59:01
where it's like a piece falls off a
01:59:02
piece falls off in the atmosphere a
01:59:03
piece falls off piece falls off so what
01:59:05
support does from other people in your
01:59:07
industry either broadcasting or comedy
01:59:10
is it shoots a [ __ ] hole through that
01:59:12
meteor a little hole and that starts to
01:59:13
break it up a lot faster if you have a
01:59:15
few commer you go guys you just don't
01:59:17
understand comedy that's just a joke he
01:59:19
doesn't mean that you're out of your
01:59:20
mind it creates
01:59:22
doubt in the story that's right and then
01:59:24
it breaks up really fast when there's no
01:59:26
doubt it's just [ __ ] ball that [ __ ]
01:59:28
sorry that [ __ ] blows everything then
01:59:30
what happened to look I don't know Louis
01:59:32
CK but I I at the height of that I
01:59:35
always thought he was really talented so
01:59:36
I read about it and I you know whatever
01:59:38
it was embarrassing that story but it
01:59:40
was not a crime that I could tell how
01:59:42
did he wind up getting
01:59:45
destroyed puritanical I think there's
01:59:47
something in society like no matter if
01:59:49
you're big we want you down I think it's
01:59:52
is because it says something about me
01:59:53
that I'm not big instead of like let me
01:59:55
rise up to his level right let me take
01:59:57
you down so in comedy it works in a few
01:59:59
ways you're an evil person you steal
02:00:02
jokes you're hacky you're um um racist
02:00:08
Roseanne racist Carlos Mania steals
02:00:10
jokes uh Larry the Cable Guy hacky these
02:00:13
are all things I don't you know
02:00:14
necessarily agree with or not agree with
02:00:15
but this is what they say uh this guy
02:00:17
lied about something uh this guy did
02:00:19
that but they're just like either way
02:00:21
we're going to take you down it's not
02:00:22
about one thing if it was about one
02:00:24
thing I'd be like the society doesn't
02:00:25
like that thing right but since it's
02:00:27
about lots of things it's like what the
02:00:29
common factor is you're big you're all
02:00:31
big let's take it
02:00:34
down um yeah with Rosanne she offered
02:00:37
like a legitimate explanation that lady
02:00:39
looks white I saw a picture of her she
02:00:41
looks like an old Jewish lady yeah and
02:00:44
then it's like that's a believable
02:00:46
[ __ ] retort but it's like we want you
02:00:48
out of here do you know her Rosanne I've
02:00:50
met her a few times great person yeah I
02:00:52
don't know her that well but truly a
02:00:54
cool interesting person lunatic
02:00:57
absolutely 100% but in touch with
02:01:00
something deep she's not a cat her vibe
02:01:03
on stage and it's not even jokes it's
02:01:05
just a Vibe and she just gets people on
02:01:06
her wave like it's pretty pretty special
02:01:09
but um yeah I don't know they go after
02:01:11
Rogan they go after Louie I think it was
02:01:13
that I think because what they were
02:01:14
going after him for was panical oh yeah
02:01:17
it was you're not doing sex the way we
02:01:19
do but I mean when I was in college I
02:01:21
started bringing up verbal consent and
02:01:23
it was it it was brought up by virgins
02:01:28
who had never really experienced sex if
02:01:32
you ask any normal woman how they feel
02:01:35
if a guy's like may I kiss you and they
02:01:38
say okay yes may I touch your breast
02:01:41
like dude we're done here yeah because
02:01:42
you're you're weak yeah you're weak go
02:01:45
for it and I'll say no that's how you
02:01:47
know it's not like you're not holding
02:01:49
them down you're just like can it's like
02:01:51
uhuh okay I mean I've gone in for a kiss
02:01:53
but like no no I don't see you like that
02:01:54
I'm like okay it's embarrassing yeah I'm
02:01:56
not going to do it again I feel shamed
02:01:58
they try to like it's okay I'm like when
02:02:00
was the last time that happened to you
02:02:03
um yeah uh a long time ago good yeah
02:02:06
just checking yeah yeah a long time ago
02:02:10
um yeah and it's like but we were like
02:02:13
that doesn't work in real life verbal
02:02:14
consent and he got verbal
02:02:19
consent may I do this yes you may okay
02:02:23
I'm going to do it okay [ __ ]
02:02:28
you it's it's and they actually took him
02:02:31
out and they yeah they did and and
02:02:33
because then people were like well I
02:02:34
can't I think that so the friends of his
02:02:37
were like no we'll defend him other
02:02:38
people are like you're putting me in a
02:02:41
moral weird spot to you're saying he's
02:02:44
this evil guy and if you defend evil and
02:02:45
you're out I mean nor McDonald's saying
02:02:48
hey I don't think I don't think Roseanne
02:02:50
meant that and and they go well now
02:02:52
you're off The Tonight Show tonight and
02:02:54
he goes I'm not excusing it I'm saying
02:02:56
it wasn't the right person if if
02:02:59
somebody goes to me like uh [ __ ] Seth
02:03:01
Rogan he's anti-trans and he's his his
02:03:03
podcast only has this I'm like oh I
02:03:05
think you mean Joe Rogan they're like
02:03:06
[ __ ] you don't tell me what to
02:03:08
think you know what I mean and it's like
02:03:10
you can't even argue with that the
02:03:12
you're getting the wrong you're at the
02:03:13
wrong door you're at the wrong door
02:03:15
that's what happened to what's her name
02:03:16
that black Chi got shot through the
02:03:18
[ __ ] wall they went to the wrong
02:03:19
house what's her name
02:03:22
oh they say her name say her name say
02:03:24
her name I never did say her name though
02:03:25
so I can't remember yeah damn well it
02:03:28
shows you what kind of person I am but
02:03:30
it's like they're going to the wrong
02:03:31
house and you're like you're at the wrong house like don't you tell me
02:03:34
you're an evil person so they made
02:03:35
people feel weird about even defending
02:03:37
Louie but it was like what are you
02:03:38
talking about
02:03:40
it's whatever but it's also when you
02:03:43
take a step back from it it's it's all
02:03:45
comical if you don't take any personal
02:03:47
like I know that guy it's so here's a
02:03:49
game I play It's called defend them
02:03:51
that's what I was going to tell you and
02:03:53
it doesn't work with full rapists okay
02:03:55
but anyone else imagine they were your
02:03:57
friend yeah and you had to explain to
02:03:59
people Lou is a good example of why
02:04:02
someone's not wrong there was a comedian
02:04:05
in uh in the UK where at the Edinburgh
02:04:06
festival and he was doing a it was
02:04:08
called uh when harres he Met Sally this
02:04:10
guy Finn Taylor he's a great comic and
02:04:12
he takes these long he go one year he
02:04:15
did a white Merson was this was this
02:04:17
hour it was all about just white people
02:04:19
and culture and he takes every sight
02:04:21
South Park every side and when harres he
02:04:23
Met Sally had some great lines in there
02:04:25
he goes men are the only ones that rape
02:04:26
ourselves goes women you ever have sex
02:04:28
with a guy and it gets weird the next
02:04:29
day he goes he didn't want to have sex
02:04:31
you raped him you talked him into it um
02:04:34
he did this thing about Louie and he
02:04:36
goes he asked some some some women if he
02:04:38
could do that and they said no and I
02:04:39
guess he did it anyway and I saw him
02:04:41
afterwards like hey great special same
02:04:43
thing as the other one like just so you
02:04:44
know that's not the facts are wrong do
02:04:46
what you want just like that Rabbi told
02:04:48
me but like they did say yes he goes oh
02:04:50
[ __ ] and it was great he changed it
02:04:53
changed it was like I didn't want to get it wrong so he changed it made a still a
02:04:56
funny joke but like let me get the facts
02:04:58
right definitely
02:05:01
um so anyway we're all wait [ __ ] I
02:05:06
haven't smoked weed today at all yeah I
02:05:09
know this place a we let me just ask you
02:05:13
who you you know Louis CK but are there
02:05:16
people you would defend who you don't
02:05:17
know yeah okay so that's the game thank
02:05:19
you it's defend them so act as if
02:05:21
they're your friends
02:05:22
and say what happened so with Louis it's
02:05:24
like he asked someone for two girls come
02:05:28
back to your hotel room which by the way
02:05:30
always implies women aren't idiots you
02:05:32
know what they want at least you know
02:05:35
what they want no victim blaming but if
02:05:37
I walk out with $100 but there are no
02:05:39
surprises if you right this is you know
02:05:41
what this is probably so you could be
02:05:43
like let's me downstairs if you don't
02:05:45
want that okay so you're at least
02:05:48
putting a guy in a we position if I walk
02:05:50
out with a $100 bill in the GH and
02:05:51
Avenue D in New York and I get robbed I
02:05:54
shouldn't get robbed but also like right
02:05:58
don't do that you know so anyway if you
02:06:01
defend him it's like he asked for verbal
02:06:03
cassette and got it and they go well as
02:06:05
high-powered manager try to shut these
02:06:07
girls up or this is the defend them game
02:06:10
or his friend his manager SL his friend
02:06:14
was saying hey can you shut the [ __ ] up
02:06:15
he's married yeah you shut the [ __ ] up
02:06:17
and not he's silencing them but just
02:06:19
like hey quit saying this [ __ ] about my
02:06:21
my [ __ ] friend use your head he's
02:06:24
married that's not the same as like
02:06:26
trying to silence a [ __ ] female voice
02:06:29
and Janine said this on a podcast she
02:06:30
goes we all thought it was funny when it
02:06:32
happened we all thought it was like what
02:06:34
a dork key is yes which is great yes a
02:06:37
guy who jerks off in his stomach should
02:06:38
be mocked of course but should continue
02:06:40
to work anyway so defend them John
02:06:43
Gruden remember that no he's a he was a
02:06:46
coach for the Tampa Bay Bucks yeah it's
02:06:48
a sports team I know you're not into
02:06:50
that um I've heard of him okay he used
02:06:52
to be a coach for the Raiders and in the
02:06:54
interim he worked for ESPN and he was
02:06:56
talking to the owner of the Redskins um
02:07:00
online his buddy he was friends with
02:07:02
him and they were [ __ ] on Roger
02:07:04
Goodell the commissioner of the league
02:07:06
good for them and he called him the FW
02:07:08
for gays yeah he go he's said whatever
02:07:11
and they were like you said this and it
02:07:12
was in leaked emails in an investigation
02:07:14
into Daniel Snider the owner of the
02:07:15
Redskins the old owner of the Redskins
02:07:16
and they leaked this stuff on purpose um
02:07:19
and they go what's that he said I go
02:07:21
okay it's either a homophobic slur or
02:07:24
it's an employee privately with another
02:07:27
employee talking [ __ ] about their boss
02:07:30
who's by the way hetero so to call him
02:07:33
that is he is that confirmed I don't
02:07:35
know he's more hetero than the [ __ ]
02:07:38
Tim Dylan but so it's just a guy talking
02:07:40
[ __ ] about their boss privately that
02:07:43
doesn't sound nearly as bad defend them
02:07:45
play the defend them game and you'll
02:07:46
realize oh actually people are not these
02:07:48
evil monsters that you think I love that
02:07:50
do you have forbidden figure in there
02:07:51
too is the only people you know oh so
02:07:53
you research it it's almost like a
02:07:55
parlor game at a at a at a party who do
02:07:57
you play this with you could do it at a
02:07:58
house party but people like don't want
02:07:59
to be the one defending especially
02:08:01
liberals or actually the other way yeah
02:08:03
if it's like super Republicans yeah most
02:08:05
of us are in the middle so 80% of us in
02:08:07
the middle somewhere and the [ __ ]
02:08:09
vocal parts of each side are way way out
02:08:12
there it's like Islam it's like the
02:08:13
[ __ ] the ones running in are the
02:08:15
[ __ ] bomb makers the most of them are
02:08:18
just like you're supposed to love your
02:08:19
wife yeah exactly um
02:08:21
so they don't like it if you pull
02:08:23
[ __ ] AOC out you know about something
02:08:27
and you're a [ __ ] hardcore Republican
02:08:28
you're like ah like you got a Defender
02:08:30
Defender and you're like all right let
02:08:32
me look into this and it's kind of
02:08:34
debate club and you realize no one's a
02:08:36
[ __ ] monster the monsters are G again
02:08:39
doesn't work with Stud is coming in
02:08:41
handy through lifelong like you're
02:08:43
looking at all sides of the question
02:08:45
it's a fun game at a party you put a
02:08:47
people's few people's names in a hat and
02:08:49
you pick one out and you go go have you
02:08:51
ever ever defended someone you don't
02:08:52
like yeah all the time and you realize
02:08:54
oh [ __ ] if that was my friend I would
02:08:55
see the good in him that's not the case
02:08:58
or this story was wrong or they left out
02:09:00
a certain part of the story to get their
02:09:01
way you know uh uh uh the cops in uh in
02:09:04
the Rodney King beating you know that
02:09:06
how they cut out the first seven minutes
02:09:07
of course and it's like doesn't excuse
02:09:09
beating someone much but it does
02:09:11
somewhat excuse it does explain it
02:09:13
better exactly when he's fighting to a
02:09:15
standstill with three cops by the way if
02:09:17
you punch a cop they're going to punch
02:09:19
you back you think they're going to go
02:09:21
hard yeah that's the deal and he's
02:09:23
fighting to a stand still with three of
02:09:24
them and they come in like you don't do
02:09:25
that to our [ __ ] friends but if you
02:09:27
start with seven cops beating a guy like
02:09:30
he's defenseless you're like well yeah
02:09:32
you're not seeing the whole story if I
02:09:34
call you a piece of [ __ ] and then we cut
02:09:37
to you walking alone it looks like
02:09:39
you're walking sad alone because I
02:09:41
called you a piece of [ __ ] but that's
02:09:43
not the real story you know we're having
02:09:44
a good time
02:09:47
exactly so anyway defend him it's a fun
02:09:49
game I'm going to play tonight try it
02:09:52
again it does not actually you know what
02:09:54
I'm going to do I'm going to defend you
02:09:55
okay yeah all right he's a good guy yeah
02:09:58
AR thank you buddy it was great to meet
02:10:00
you it really was it was awesome great
02:10:01
to meet you thank you yeah you know I
02:10:03
did not tell my mom I was coming to meet
02:10:04
you why she's not a fan she's a fan it's
02:10:07
all these people and I'm like he's an he
02:10:08
was an anti-war guy at Fox News who
02:10:11
followed the dead he's not H how is he
02:10:14
that guy that you think he is well you
02:10:15
can't be anti-war that means you're a
02:10:17
fascist it's racist to be an different
02:10:19
with the fa but um with the what with
02:10:22
the fa you started saying fashion you're
02:10:23
going to say something else no no no no
02:10:26
cuz I I learned you can't even call
02:10:27
Roger Goodell that yeah exactly so I
02:10:30
wonder buddy it was great to meet you I
02:10:32
want you do my travel podcast done I
02:10:34
know you've been you a travel podcast
02:10:36
yeah it's called you be tripping it's
02:10:38
just about a place no politics man
02:10:40
there's one thing I've done a lot of is
02:10:41
travel yeah yeah and I think it's I
02:10:44
think it's the most educational thing
02:10:45
you can do yeah I really believe that I
02:10:47
don't know why more people don't do it I
02:10:49
feel like our rich people in this
02:10:50
country am one but they don't travel
02:10:53
right yeah like they go they kind of
02:10:56
recreate their own lives with better
02:10:58
service in a foreign country but the
02:10:59
whole point of travel is to learn how
02:11:01
other people live yeah read the local
02:11:03
newspaper if you 100% yeah instead of
02:11:05
how do I get the New York Times here
02:11:06
good call me I'd do it okay perfect okay
02:11:09
you ever New York no I don't go to New
02:11:11
York okay well or whatever let's do it
02:11:13
all right okay thanks man thanks
02:11:18
buddy thanks for watching our YouTube
02:11:20
channel we hope you'll subscribe to it
02:11:22
and by the way you can hit the little
02:11:24
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02:11:26
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Ari Shaffir has received more death threats than any other comic, and he joined Tucker to talk politics, religion, and his most offensive jokes. Watch more here: https://tuckercarlson.com/ ExpressVPN - Get 3 months free at ExpressVPN.com/Tucker PureTalk Wireless - Get 50% off your first month at https://www.puretalk.com/landing/tucker50 Black Rifle Coffee. Subscribe to the new Tucker Carlson Network channel for more exclusive content: https://www.youtube.com/@TCNetwork/featured?sub_confirmation=1 Follow Tucker on X: https://x.com/TuckerCarlson Text “TUCKER” to 44055 for exclusive updates. Chapters: 00:00 Intro 00:49 Death Threats 10:26 Does Ari Shaffir Get Offended? 15:48 Yeshiva 39:18 Shaffir’s Writing Process 45:21 Why Shaffir Stays Offline 1:01:26 Shaffir’s Travels 1:14:51 The Response to Ari Shaffir’s Special, “Jew” 1:23:23 The Kobe Bryant Joke 1:49:42 How Joe Rogan Saved Comedy

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