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Азбука Уральских пельменей - Э | Уральские пельмени

Азбука Уральских пельменей - Э | Уральские пельмени

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СМЕХBOOK | Трудности перевода | Уральские пельмени

СМЕХBOOK | Трудности перевода | Уральские пельмени

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Лучшие номера Максима Ярицы | Уральские пельмени

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Бабье вето | Уральские пельмени 2022

Бабье вето | Уральские пельмени 2022

Channel: СТС

уральские пельмени

азбука уральских пельменей

уральские пельмени последний выпуск

уральские пельмени 2021

стс

стс медиа

стс сериалы

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юмористическое шоу уральские пельмени

уральские пельмени лучшее

уральские пельмени премьера на стс

уральские пельмени новое

ксения корнева

дмитрий брекоткин

вячеслав мясников

дмитрий соколов

сергей рожков

уральские пельмени новое 2021

12 ульев уральские пельмени 2021

00:00:37

[music]

00:00:49

[applause]

00:00:54

[music]

00:01:00

Hello Hello We are glad

00:01:03

to see you all at our super summer

00:01:06

concert called 12 hives Summer is a

00:01:09

wonderful time in the summer the birds sing in the summer

00:01:13

you can swim and sunbathe And most

00:01:16

importantly in the summer you don’t have to pay for

00:01:18

heating If you are still paying,

00:01:21

stop doing this That's what we

00:01:23

noticed, my friends, it turns out that Summer is the

00:01:26

time when everything is lying on the beach, there is

00:01:29

sand on the sand, there is a sunbed on a sunbed, there is a

00:01:32

girl on top of a girl, a tan

00:01:35

on a tan is responsible for the

00:01:37

photos in the photo, the look of the

00:01:40

guys and on the guys there is a responsibility

00:01:43

next year to take these

00:01:45

girls to the sea again Well, my friends And

00:01:49

now let's start our new concert with your stormy, juicy

00:01:51

fresh summer applause

00:01:55

12 hives let's go

00:01:58

[applause] [ music] [

00:01:59

applause] [music

00:02:02

]

00:02:03

[applause]

00:02:04

[music ]

00:02:08

[applause]

00:02:09

[music]

00:02:11

during self-isolation, when my wife

00:02:14

was offended, she packed her things and moved into her

00:02:17

mother’s closet

00:02:21

[music]

00:02:36

once or twice the

00:02:39

guy Vadya got bored Hi Quietly quietly

00:02:43

carefully let’s fist him

00:02:52

Kolya, what are you doing, that I’ve been sitting on fat for six months

00:02:59

I wanted a little yummy, come on in, come on in,

00:03:01

I think I

00:03:03

don’t feel anything or anything,

00:03:07

what a loving Kolya you are. Well,

00:03:12

Galya has gone wild here, she’s completely untouchable, she’s

00:03:16

daring, she just

00:03:17

imagines this virus is everywhere,

00:03:21

what are you doing, they won’t die. And you,

00:03:24

Kolya didn’t die,

00:03:29

not only his hands

00:03:34

have a snack

00:03:36

How did you survive the quarantine Oh listen, it’s

00:03:39

really hard, I’m just withered away in these four walls,

00:03:41

Kolenka really

00:03:43

blossomed

00:03:45

when I realized

00:03:50

It’s just Nakhodka,

00:03:52

how are you doing, How’s work? Yes, that I

00:03:55

’m working from home, that there’s a conference call

00:03:57

with the bosses, Well Remote work, in short, it’s clear And how is it

00:04:01

with you? It’s like remote work too.

00:04:05

Kolya has deleted all his work numbers,

00:04:09

but here he doesn’t take acquaintances.

00:04:12

In the first week, I did everything I

00:04:16

wanted, everything I wanted, well done, you

00:04:20

didn’t get up at all, what’s wrong with that

00:04:28

leg in the queue, he sneezed on

00:04:31

my leg broke

00:04:33

[applause]

00:04:36

quarantine, a window of opportunity has opened I

00:04:39

started self-education, well

00:04:44

done, now education has become distance learning and Kolya started

00:04:46

doing homework with Pashka for the eldest, of course,

00:04:48

he doesn’t understand everything anymore. Well, that is, it’s

00:04:50

hard for him to understand. You’re already what

00:04:52

third grade is like

00:04:54

there already and multiplication, division of fractions, everything, but it’s

00:04:57

complicated, of course you

00:04:59

Think about it, it turns out that you can not only shoot with fractions Well,

00:05:03

and divide But this is what you knew, this is what

00:05:07

Ivan gave birth to a girl, ordered to sharpen

00:05:10

the diaper, I

00:05:13

feel young, I’m younger now, well,

00:05:15

really, 7 years old, it supported

00:05:20

you, your hair is splitting

00:05:23

I see split ends You need

00:05:26

to use this very this

00:05:38

[applause]

00:05:39

mosque

00:05:43

like this it’s beautiful

00:05:47

and I haven’t cut my hair economically for six months

00:05:52

2000 saved normally

00:06:05

right

00:06:09

now these artists lawyers are all

00:06:12

second class people I’m preparing my son

00:06:16

for a better life

00:06:18

Kolya Pashke bought a yellow raincoat small and a

00:06:21

school backpack with foil on the inside I

00:06:23

made you say Pashka will now be a

00:06:26

courier

00:06:28

We have everything now instead of books now

00:06:31

food is always lying from the book where

00:06:34

books Kolya reads books with us imagine I’ve

00:06:36

just never seen you with a book

00:06:38

Just think if you look at it for a long time And

00:06:41

for a moment your head begins to spin as if from

00:06:44

sandstone

00:06:52

by the way Help yourself to a buckwheat pie you’ll be

00:06:55

there buckwheat soup too you don’t want

00:07:03

that buckwheat is brown gold

00:07:07

no you need buckwheat wholesale price Yes it seems

00:07:12

no Auntie there are a lot of well there are not many

00:07:14

centers 5-7

00:07:18

quarantine this is the Launching pad for

00:07:21

business

00:07:24

you that's how I slept Well, how everyone was I was worried

00:07:27

there, I was nervous And I slept peacefully You know

00:07:30

why Because I slept on money

00:07:34

[music] I

00:07:40

got it I got it You're wearing a

00:07:47

gift

00:07:49

three masks Wow, that's cool, I

00:07:52

took the red one, it's hand

00:07:55

made I, in short, when I cut through this chip, I

00:07:58

started sewing it myself at home right now, I’ve

00:08:01

never seen Kolya with a needle in my life, I’ve never seen Kolya with a needle now, he’s

00:08:03

sitting scribbling something, he’s

00:08:08

sewing something all the time So listen, let’s cut it into a pie right away,

00:08:17

I’ll tell you this, I know the FSB officer has eaten

00:08:20

for him clearly from the Mida,

00:08:22

and in short, the

00:08:25

taxi driver told her so so

00:08:28

20 2nd wave will be

00:08:38

damn it, it’s definitely already

00:08:42

20, it will start again, these

00:08:48

honey mushrooms, milk mushrooms, saffron milk caps, mushrooms will appear. Listen,

00:08:57

I’ll listen to you, it’s so fun

00:09:00

quarantine passed in Izgali, such funny

00:09:04

bridges are not at all It’s just tough We

00:09:07

quarreled every day at some point, we even

00:09:10

wanted to get a divorce Think about it Why are you doing

00:09:14

this in vain? This is in vain. It

00:09:17

all started like this for us too. Then she would hide from me in

00:09:20

the bathroom, then I slipped from her,

00:09:23

I fell on her. I

00:09:25

saw my belly for the fourth month

00:09:31

[laughter]

00:09:33

soul in the shower, the

00:09:36

normal way.

00:09:40

Let’s go home. Let’s go.

00:09:49

If I’m something- one thing I don’t understand is that everyone

00:09:53

comes to us so sad, they leave just

00:09:54

happy, they glow, and then

00:09:56

I have a family psychotherapist. Well, more precisely, not

00:09:59

you, but your metabolism,

00:10:03

I tell everyone that you are in fourth place,

00:10:05

everyone is happy

00:10:16

[applause]

00:10:29

[applause]

00:10:32

[music]

00:10:43

[ applause]

00:10:45

[music]

00:10:51

why do I first ask everyone to turn off their

00:10:53

mobile phones? I have

00:10:55

n’t forgotten this, no one ever

00:10:58

knew

00:11:00

[music]

00:11:09

When an airplane pilot in the garden

00:11:13

plants potatoes well, his wife applauds him, they have

00:11:20

n’t flown for six months I’ve even

00:11:22

forgotten what to poke here,

00:11:28

what’s wrong here to turn on

00:11:29

what to turn off

00:11:32

here first turn off and what is a

00:11:36

speakerphone the whole salon heard what you

00:11:39

say I

00:11:43

really forgot everything at all but apparently not

00:11:47

everything Why

00:11:49

but the mouse somehow took off took off of

00:11:52

course the

00:11:57

men are nonsense Once again,

00:12:00

what’s wrong with your hair and what they have

00:12:04

n’t worked at the hairdresser for six months, they

00:12:06

forgot how to dye that’s why I

00:12:08

walk like that now I went

00:12:09

to the salon

00:12:13

mass teeth button

00:12:16

braid on end ground beetle cassock

00:12:20

lump button you rinsed your voice with

00:12:27

something I say I can’t remember chicken

00:12:30

damn chicken meat of a

00:12:44

Russian hockey player

00:12:47

on the route Yekaterinburg Simferopol

00:12:52

Listen to the report, I forgot how I

00:12:55

forgot in English, you never knew,

00:12:59

but how I spoke then here, how he

00:13:02

spoke

00:13:10

[applause]

00:13:30

guys, you know what I wanted to ask, I

00:13:33

completely forgot something, why do I

00:13:36

first ask everyone to turn off their mobile

00:13:37

phones, I didn’t forget, I didn’t forget this at all no one

00:13:41

ever knew

00:13:43

Hello, where are you from? I'm from

00:13:46

business class, I'm a deputy of the regional Duma,

00:13:50

my mother is a prosecutor, my father is an FSB general. You know,

00:13:58

I used to ask all the time. Do you know who I am, I forgot something? Why do I know who this is, they

00:14:03

could have entered the cabin

00:14:22

something I forgot, I don’t think it was there, but it

00:14:27

was never on the handle. Here’s the

00:14:28

glass with such a reel and there’s a

00:14:31

rose cut out like that, I don’t remember And so

00:14:34

the coins have never been put in We have never

00:14:37

poked around the perimeter

00:14:44

on the highway

00:14:47

Alexey Stepanovich please your

00:14:50

Americano

00:14:52

Please

00:14:58

ok, I forgot something,

00:15:00

she’s sleeping with any of us,

00:15:05

I think with no one

00:15:06

why she didn’t guess a single name and patronymic I didn’t

00:15:10

guess at all

00:15:13

568 commander, answer where the sound is from, the

00:15:18

commander is ready Well,

00:15:32

I’m just this

00:15:35

commander, leave me alone,

00:15:41

now we’re going out and in the cabin

00:15:48

it’s a muzzle A you know what it is look

00:15:54

around at least one of you remembered something,

00:15:58

you can also have 300 whiskey for another 300

00:16:06

I don’t know

00:16:11

there is Autopilot

00:16:14

Autopilot

00:16:16

I somehow forgot how this is done

00:16:22

only with panic

00:16:26

[music] [ applause] [

00:16:28

music]

00:16:30

[applause]

00:16:35

[ music]

00:16:38

especially for doctors on the

00:16:40

laptop keyboard there are three layouts Russian

00:16:43

English and doodles

00:16:50

Hello doctor

00:16:53

Yes yes hello come

00:16:57

in my finger hurts it hurts like to put likes because of

00:17:00

this there are few friends on social networks

00:17:04

direction Let's

00:17:07

Yeah it's so

00:17:09

bad Oleg Vasilyevich

00:17:13

doctor Look at me but take a photo

00:17:16

Send me I’ll look at you,

00:17:24

a face I know, I saw you somewhere, so this is

00:17:29

a finger

00:17:32

you’re sending yourself. Send a

00:17:37

finger again or something. It’s

00:17:41

very similar to a finger. It looks like you

00:17:44

do exercises

00:17:46

once a day, I mean, I do it once a day. Well,

00:17:49

I’m charging the phone

00:17:55

while I’m walking around.

00:17:58

You’re here. more

00:18:01

walks for you Now I’ll take a photo I’ll send you look we

00:18:04

send it

00:18:06

like this you want to be

00:18:09

horror nature nature designed us to be L-

00:18:13

shaped here you go

00:18:18

What is your social network status

00:18:20

Forever young forever drunk We are from what

00:18:24

year in general am I from 85 so Remove Forever

00:18:27

young Then just forever drunk

00:18:30

Leave

00:18:32

a I have a video call, excuse me, I’ll answer now

00:18:37

Hello doctor, my face

00:18:39

can’t fit into the front camera,

00:18:45

young man Let’s take

00:18:47

a turn, I have a patient. I’m a girl,

00:18:55

so listen to the mess

00:18:57

Oleg I rummaged through your profile. I

00:19:00

just mean you have three photos in the

00:19:02

last three years, you’ve gone to sea

00:19:04

you have never been like this 7 years ago,

00:19:08

you post at least a photo from there a

00:19:10

month so that people think that you

00:19:12

travel and live happily, I don’t

00:19:15

live happily So you think who

00:19:17

posts fun, I

00:19:19

live if you live happily, you have no time to

00:19:22

post

00:19:24

on my profile

00:19:26

this is Artyom handsome thunderstorm of girls 3000

00:19:30

is it you or what have the right You see I

00:19:34

posted a photo there five minutes ago Yeah

00:19:36

you’re on the seashore running along the pebbles

00:19:38

here I went to the Chelyabinsk lakes five

00:19:40

years ago I still have enough

00:19:44

scroll further

00:19:47

Wow you got burned in the jungle here in the summer

00:19:51

in the greenhouse

00:20:04

Excuse me, are you even ancient or something? I’m

00:20:08

talking from memes, you’re talking, but look at the memes

00:20:10

and such kek kek

00:20:13

I don’t understand you, look at the

00:20:16

funny pictures And the memes, yes, yes, you’re laughing Yes, but that

00:20:21

means you’re talking from memes, it means I’m kekking

00:20:23

how many times

00:20:26

I have money in the morning

00:20:31

and evening as a rule, a

00:20:33

healthy person should poop at least

00:20:35

three times a day at work Try to

00:20:38

leak in transport, you can in the elevator

00:20:45

Now I’ll send you some good memes,

00:20:54

no need to go to my office at home

00:20:57

packages

00:20:59

Listen, maybe I should for a while Well,

00:21:01

give up everything, don’t like, don’t

00:21:03

swipe, don’t don’t kick your elbow Wait,

00:21:05

what do you want to get out of your smartphone in

00:21:07

your mind, you want to understand everything,

00:21:09

start, you want

00:21:11

to bury yourself there in real life, dirt, pimples, it’s

00:21:14

only on the phone that it seems like the world is a

00:21:15

beautiful world without filters. Do you want to see?

00:21:18

Let’s go ahead, you know, I somehow I dropped the

00:21:21

phone and while I was picking it up I saw three no

00:21:23

photoshopped women.

00:21:28

Me too. I’m sitting here on this phone. I’m

00:21:31

no better off either, I’ll tell you, I’m

00:21:33

tired of cluttering my head with all this

00:21:35

nonsense, you know, let

00:21:37

’s probably live without a phone, just like our Fathers

00:21:40

and my grandfathers lived and I will live like this, so

00:21:43

today I’ll come home and just put away the

00:21:45

phone and that’s it and

00:21:47

watch TV,

00:21:50

you know what, keep the remote control, just

00:21:53

don’t connect cable, otherwise your other

00:21:54

finger will hurt

00:21:58

[applause] [music]

00:22:23

[applause]

00:22:25

[music]

00:22:28

near the flower shop

00:22:31

and what wait, well done, how did you buy it? Well, why

00:22:34

don’t I scatter these first-graders or something

00:22:36

[applause]

00:22:39

[music]

00:22:47

if you forgot the teacher’s middle name, just

00:22:51

miss his

00:22:54

pencils, pens, put down the textbooks, put them away

00:23:04

like this Seventh grader, what are

00:23:21

you doing? By the way, yesterday they both forgot,

00:23:24

well, at least the father remembered Yes,

00:23:28

diary,

00:23:30

Yes you will have the coolest son, a

00:23:33

diary with ducalis and Casanova

00:23:36

So, well, give you a few

00:23:40

instructions from your father before school, in short,

00:23:42

son, look on the first day you need to

00:23:45

position yourself correctly, which means you immediately find the

00:23:47

fattest one and kick him in the

00:23:51

softest place

00:23:54

Then turn around more often I understood

00:24:13

further that it means not to run too much in physical education

00:24:15

so that you don’t stink in math later, the

00:24:19

girl must give up your seat and

00:24:22

help carry the briefcase Why do you learn biology in the seventh

00:24:24

grade Why do

00:24:28

you tell me one thing in their class, 30

00:24:31

people every hour bring the teacher a

00:24:33

bouquet that’s how many flowers she’s a

00:24:38

bee this is a Tradition, well,

00:24:41

actually, I remembered that we also

00:24:43

had a tradition in our class, by the way, everyone brought

00:24:45

flowers on September 1st, and whose bouquet would last the longest,

00:24:48

it would be the best to study. Yes,

00:24:50

I was cunning, so I

00:24:53

brought plastic wreaths for September 1st

00:24:58

and stood there Well, it’s not useful yet

00:25:07

[music]

00:25:13

and you can’t be heard, can’t be

00:25:16

heard, can’t be heard,

00:25:21

can’t hear you.

00:25:34

I can’t hear you now either

00:25:37

[laughter] but

00:25:54

now I can hear you.

00:25:58

Well, finally the connection has been established, now I

00:26:01

can be heard, yes Hello dear children

00:26:06

My name is

00:26:08

bee Ivanovna

00:26:11

And now let's see what your name is like

00:26:14

Masha Peksheva I see Magomed Ivanov who Yeah I

00:26:19

see a

00:26:20

male 81 It's who

00:26:29

didn't switch the account layout

00:26:33

read like Daniil Savkov

00:26:47

so Danil open electronic diaries

00:26:51

Throw away this old

00:26:55

electronic diary I had to download the

00:26:58

application I sent it to my parents Hey

00:27:01

male 63

00:27:03

81 actually Why couldn’t you download the app

00:27:11

in 2 minutes

00:27:13

because it’s convenient Interface Yes,

00:27:17

anyone can figure it out Yes alcohol in

00:27:20

two clicks quickly alcohol in two

00:27:22

clicks

00:27:25

[music]

00:27:29

[applause]

00:27:31

So kids, raise your hands who can

00:27:34

write

00:27:38

and now raise your hands who can

00:27:41

type

00:27:44

Well done

00:27:45

and now Raise your hands those who can

00:27:48

read up to 10,

00:27:53

let's go higher When I knew the answer at school, I

00:27:56

jumped up and down Judging by your weight, you

00:27:58

didn't often know the answer the

00:28:03

next 7 8 9 10

00:28:08

rain, it froze, in my

00:28:11

opinion, damn it, I didn't pay for the Internet

00:28:18

on the first day, the child was driven

00:28:21

stuck o Congratulations You will Danila

00:28:24

slowed down

00:28:28

Danil didn’t pay for the Internet although they

00:28:32

are unlikely to have a class of poets there, it’s just

00:28:33

that Danila is a rogue, he

00:28:36

turned out to be a kid

00:28:41

in the office Well, guys, Today was a

00:28:45

very good lesson, I told you the whole

00:28:48

schedule of studying, I told you where you can

00:28:50

get textbooks and of course, a huge

00:28:54

thank you to all those who ordered

00:28:57

flowers to be delivered to me. I will, of course,

00:29:00

thank you.

00:29:02

Well, take a bouquet and take it to your bee.

00:29:06

And who is our male 81

00:29:11

everyone, call your parents and

00:29:14

relatives and we will all take a

00:29:16

cool screenshot together

00:29:21

[applause]

00:29:34

[music] [ applause]

00:29:35

[music]

00:29:37

[applause]

00:29:41

[music]

00:29:45

I think a little bit

00:29:48

that this cat cat cat is still alive, why the

00:29:52

hell today is broth without a chicken

00:29:56

[music] it’s

00:30:06

very difficult to find a bald cat in a bald

00:30:10

room

00:30:13

[music]

00:30:24

we’re buying a cat

00:30:28

8 is the

00:30:31

only male in the region a

00:30:34

warm leather friend for your hairy

00:30:36

cat

00:30:43

Every Sunday For the second month already

00:31:00

[music]

00:31:03

How much is a carcass for a rich broth

00:31:07

What a chicken carcass

00:31:13

What a chicken carcass this is

00:31:19

it that is still alive this is a cat a cat a cat

00:31:23

Well what the heck today broth without chicken

00:31:31

[music] You

00:31:38

see People are already bringing children that

00:31:45

she can touch the beauty that she is sick, there is a

00:31:51

certificate in

00:31:54

pigtails, fleas are

00:31:57

calmer, this is such a simple breed, a

00:32:00

bald cat And what is this crap called

00:32:02

[music]

00:32:03

Inkolsky 8

00:32:06

North African Sphynx this is a Cairo

00:32:09

breed favorite cat on the way out is a rhinoceros

00:32:11

of the second and in Russian if you can just

00:32:15

Elda

00:32:19

listen to her definitely Egyptian Well, judging by

00:32:23

the pyramids that she puts aside, there is

00:32:26

no doubt Well, what and how to

00:32:29

take care of it So she’s

00:32:31

bald, it’s just like it turns out you

00:32:33

change the food and change the water

00:32:40

Why are these bowls in the aquarium, that this

00:32:43

creature lives in the bowl

00:32:45

Why in the bowl in apartment,

00:32:49

what the hell, God, she eats anything, that's what

00:32:52

you have here, she

00:32:55

'll be there too, look, come on,

00:33:14

can I

00:33:18

pet her? Of course she really loves being

00:33:20

petted, she really loves it, she loves affection,

00:33:25

affectionate Bone,

00:33:27

and she likes being petted. this is how

00:33:31

you caress bro at night, I’ll buy this creature, it

00:33:34

won’t die the next day they

00:33:36

live for 10 years. Well, look in Egypt,

00:33:39

cats and together with their owners,

00:33:43

so if I sell her to you, you’ll be the

00:33:45

owner

00:33:48

like a daughter. Come on, don’t touch this

00:33:50

bald knee let's get out of here Okay, I

00:33:52

don't need half the price already, we'll just

00:33:54

give it to good hands

00:33:56

[music] [

00:33:59

applause]

00:34:06

the animal is suffering, you want to shoot yourself,

00:34:16

in general, how to introduce yourself Come into the

00:34:19

support room to remember there is food

00:34:21

Good

00:34:24

Good afternoon Rospotrebnadzor Hello, I

00:34:27

received a signal, you have a Chinese

00:34:30

albino bat here

00:34:32

I'm a cat, so here she is Yes, here she is,

00:34:36

giving

00:34:43

me gloves, she grabs it, finally, I have two children with a mortgage We're

00:34:46

leaving And you know, in the hooting for such a

00:34:48

creature, it all began, an

00:34:55

Egyptian cat straight from Egypt

00:34:58

brings good luck, takes away bad luck,

00:35:01

no need, I've already brought the smell of Egypt to your home

00:35:08

Why is this rap boy

00:35:12

I’m selling it

00:35:15

in Russian, he says

00:35:25

listen, I have a cat, I hate cats

00:35:28

in general, ugh Oh, take this rat, it’s

00:35:30

cool

00:35:34

[applause]

00:35:40

[music]

00:35:51

[applause]

00:35:56

Listen, granddaughter, please tell me I’m

00:36:00

interested, and not only am I interested in

00:36:03

this question about all Russian-speaking people Where are

00:36:06

your parents?

00:37:12

The main thing they tell me is Well,

00:37:16

call someone I don’t know, I’m in

00:37:19

agriculture I don’t know anyone at all

00:37:24

mouse Well,

00:37:26

you have such tender benches right when

00:37:29

you’re a

00:37:35

big friendly strange family

00:37:41

that brought us all together [

00:37:52

applause]

00:38:10

turnips

00:38:12

[laughter]

00:38:18

funny

00:38:26

Let’s turnips eat

00:38:30

I'm a dog for

00:38:33

12 years lived in a booth here they didn't ask for a

00:38:36

huge huge turnip 300 kilograms they

00:38:40

pulled it out and I got a piece of turnip for it No I'm

00:38:43

not a turnip eater silent at all you don't

00:38:50

know anything about cats or anything

00:38:52

at all I don't need turnips I need money

00:38:58

we really don't care about you they didn’t

00:39:01

know

00:39:03

why you’re not inquisitive you’re

00:39:06

stupid Why

00:39:07

money you can do whatever you

00:39:10

want You can do whatever you want with

00:39:12

money they’re such rustling little things when

00:39:15

you throw them up they start flying they’re

00:39:18

like that

00:39:30

without anything at all

00:39:39

but I don’t have money I spent it all on

00:39:42

chemicals so that the fish grows big Well

00:39:45

at least chemicals

00:39:48

I'm already a big turnip

00:39:55

well wait two years everything on your own

00:40:25

Pasha what's wrong with him

00:40:27

what is it I'm of course with you

00:40:33

Come on, grandma, come on,

00:40:38

listen, granddaughter, please tell me, I'm

00:40:42

interested, and not only am I interested in

00:40:45

this question about all Russian-speaking people Where are

00:40:48

your parents

00:40:53

Why don’t they help us

00:40:57

grandpa Did you forget that they were in the hospital crushed by the

00:41:01

dill they got them last

00:41:03

week

00:41:07

Get up family we have to hold on

00:41:11

to each other no no I won’t fall for this scam a second time

00:41:18

[music]

00:41:19

evening drive my share into the hut

00:41:27

And who are you?

00:41:29

I'm the mole Well,

00:41:31

what do you think? They threw everything away. I was

00:41:35

pushing

00:41:43

the money from below. Drive

00:41:47

now now there will be money.

00:42:02

Here it is. One two three four five six, everything is as agreed. It was I who successfully pushed the turnip,

00:42:09

but we are not blind grandmothers come on, come on, money,

00:42:18

I'll go to the market now, sell these turnips

00:42:21

and get your money back, but from now on

00:42:25

you don't have a husband,

00:42:28

you don't have a grandfather,

00:42:32

you don't have an owner, you don't have an owner, you don't have a heart

00:42:37

[music]

00:42:45

No, I can't do that

00:42:48

[music]

00:42:54

we are family

00:42:55

[music]

00:42:57

We just don’t trust you,

00:43:01

suddenly you leave and come back, you and I

00:43:05

will go

00:43:06

[applause] [

00:43:16

applause]

00:43:23

not We are rich and I am the

00:43:27

land written on me

00:43:33

you have no husband

00:43:44

[music]

00:43:47

dear friends,

00:43:49

love your relatives because

00:43:51

when- one of them might get

00:43:54

rich

00:43:57

[music]

00:43:58

[applause] [music]

00:44:02

[applause] [

00:44:03

music] [

00:44:25

music]

00:44:44

Yura Yura

00:44:47

[applause]

00:44:53

Why are you yelling and Guess what happened

00:44:56

No,

00:45:04

the banks are over

00:45:10

No, what then, let me

00:45:14

sit down and think

00:45:18

[ music]

00:45:26

Maybe you're giving

00:45:28

birth, I'm giving birth when I still

00:45:31

see

00:45:33

me for rent, the refrigerator,

00:45:38

Lord, I thought you were washing the floor

00:45:41

and that it had been crushing you for a long time, two days ago

00:45:47

I didn’t call, I was still reaching for the product,

00:45:51

everything was under control,

00:45:56

open the refrigerator, move the product from the

00:45:59

bottom shelf to the top

00:46:01

through two weeks it will become easier, I'll

00:46:04

get out

00:46:16

Oh,

00:46:18

you actually ended up there at random. I

00:46:21

moved the furniture around Feng Shui.

00:46:24

The refrigerator should be in the zone of

00:46:26

wealth,

00:46:28

grandmothers have a refrigerator that is the zone of

00:46:32

wealth, you

00:46:34

can't move it,

00:46:36

so karma has overtaken you,

00:46:40

that's right, and you'll die here

00:46:44

like a pharaoh they'll bury

00:46:49

you, they'll arrange it for you, there'll be a box with

00:46:52

overdue paperwork

00:46:53

and come on, don't try and rearrange

00:46:57

everything, I've rearranged everything, let's go home, stop. Why,

00:47:02

show your hands over your mouth, open it, and stick

00:47:07

out your tongue? Turn around, take off your skirt.

00:47:14

What don't you like? You

00:47:17

bother me like that every time I leave you. I'm

00:47:21

still undressing you. I didn’t force you and that’s all because because of

00:47:24

some 60 kilogram bag of sugar

00:47:41

they won’t come. Are

00:47:49

you really something? Are you peek-a-boo or something? There’s ice cream in the

00:47:53

chicken, pollock, that’s

00:47:56

all defrosted

00:47:59

noble fish

00:48:01

Yes, I know, I fashioned the products from bread

00:48:05

from memory

00:48:07

I’ll take it, it’ll be easier for you

00:48:11

to get out earlier If you take the food from me,

00:48:16

pray that I don’t get out. Okay, I’ll just take a chicken,

00:48:21

what is

00:48:24

anti-theft

00:48:26

from your best friend, you’re greedy,

00:48:30

everyone, go home, no, I won’t go home, I’ll

00:48:34

try to get you out. How will you

00:48:36

get me out? I’m here now I’ll take this drin,

00:48:39

well, where did you steal it

00:48:46

under the refrigerator,

00:49:08

how can I

00:49:10

lift the refrigerator, you fell out here under it and then I

00:49:14

got your head from the inside of the check. So with a bamoy he kicked out the

00:49:23

hairpin on the back of my head, if you drink my head,

00:49:26

I can tear the linoleum. He’s almost

00:49:29

new. He’s 17 years old. I’m not going anywhere with you.

00:49:33

Go home, it’s not your life that’s

00:49:37

the road. Go home

00:49:39

all black with this chicken. What are you

00:49:43

doing now? What are you doing? Well, what are

00:49:46

you doing? I’ll wait for you now. What is it?

00:50:06

All the neighbors immediately got gasoline; they rushed to

00:50:16

me because they respect and love something- then it

00:50:24

doesn’t set fire That’s

00:50:31

why they don’t set it on fire everything is clear to

00:50:35

you okay

00:50:54

What are you doing You and I will

00:50:57

eat your food together

00:51:00

you will be saved faster if you do it Get out of here I will eat in

00:51:04

the morning and you will sleep and

00:51:09

then I will sleep And you will eat

00:51:16

Well let’s go to the right you'll eat and

00:51:19

I'll eat on the left I'll eat from the right and left these are my

00:51:21

products,

00:51:24

drop my refrigerator for me, we'll eat

00:51:27

It's empty You're still in the store

00:51:33

[applause] [

00:51:38

music] [applause] [

00:51:43

music]

00:51:47

[applause]

00:51:49

[music]

00:51:51

you're here I understand the

00:51:58

insidious word

00:52:01

[music]

00:52:11

only in Russia public transport

00:52:14

doesn’t go but walks

00:52:18

[applause]

00:52:19

[music] [applause]

00:52:24

Hello Hello,

00:52:38

but

00:52:42

this Frost I

00:52:45

understand the

00:52:48

insidious word

00:52:51

and you’re going to come in here with a hand Uh-

00:52:57

huh and here everyone is coming The

00:53:05

interlocutor is not interested in what

00:53:10

I I say The interlocutor is not interested in who is

00:53:13

interested in

00:53:16

what unique offers I have a

00:53:19

new startup talking to people for

00:53:22

money I decided to earn extra money, so to speak, with

00:53:24

my own kind

00:53:27

Well, monetize the vocabulary in my

00:53:30

head without doing anything I go through it myself at home in

00:53:34

the evenings for free

00:53:37

such oops And where is the word genitski and startup

00:53:45

what to talk about

00:53:49

look at

00:53:51

everything, we’re just talking

00:53:54

to you

00:53:57

bot 10 rubles

00:54:02

what you need to order what to do

00:54:04

order a topic we’ll talk

00:54:07

Let me explain once again How it works

00:54:09

look we’ve

00:54:11

been talking to you for minutes now Yes you seem to

00:54:13

already owe me 10 rubles

00:54:15

so I can further catch up with you debts

00:54:18

tongue

00:54:19

is with you got pleasure from it there

00:54:22

likes verbal

00:54:25

abuse

00:54:49

like to listen Well agreed one

00:54:54

two three sausage snack bar

00:55:00

coronavirus this is

00:55:02

Lazarev made the second child without a woman

00:55:07

[applause]

00:55:12

20 rubles and

00:55:15

20 seconds gift okay

00:55:23

dick tricky

00:55:26

good That was about Max to

00:55:28

attract but I saw you attracted here

00:55:31

well So let's prove the topic,

00:55:34

turn on the counters Let's go So now I'll

00:55:37

tell you how it works I was

00:55:39

n't going to talk to you for free

00:55:40

pay for it I

00:55:42

especially won't understand it's

00:55:46

clear

00:55:47

not if I answer

00:55:56

barracuda

00:56:14

route route

00:56:18

What kind of day are you like today and

00:56:21

really I wish I could

00:56:23

talk to someone Oh how

00:56:27

lucky you are Stranger IP interlocutor

00:56:29

We talk to people for money, probably

00:56:32

expensive What are you 10 rubles per minute Well,

00:56:35

really, the prices are divine And what are you

00:56:39

talking about any Range of topics in general

00:56:42

on any the topic

00:56:44

is if there is a wide range of those who I am then I will

00:56:48

certainly buy it if you

00:56:51

would like to order a conversation yes Oh great for

00:56:55

such a good conversation you don’t mind and immediately

00:56:57

100 rubles about we’ll just talk about

00:57:02

barbecues really

00:57:09

[music]

00:57:14

professional videos

00:57:17

we’re talking about partnership

00:57:21

about partnership

00:57:24

We’ve already talked let's talk about

00:57:27

barbecue it will be like this

00:57:30

Timon and Pumbaa

00:57:33

I immediately realized that you would wake me up

00:57:38

spoke quietly

00:57:50

you are doing everything wrong You

00:57:52

took everything wrong I am a

00:57:55

negotiation coach from Moscow

00:57:59

you are making it up with me you couldn’t

00:58:02

hold out for three minutes right away oh that’s enough I don’t

00:58:04

want to editor of talking programs on

00:58:06

television,

00:58:09

how can you prove about the championship in jumping

00:58:12

over language barriers? We heard, let’s say,

00:58:17

in front of you,

00:58:21

no, you

00:58:28

want to know the secret that your business is

00:58:30

popping Well, we’re looking at

00:58:32

100 rubles.

00:58:38

Don’t give a damn about your prices for

00:58:40

secrets

00:58:43

when we gave you a taste

00:58:50

when we created it back in the third coaches

00:58:52

from Moscow before business development to

00:58:55

pay keep

00:58:57

from each participant

00:59:00

this is my 100 rubles

00:59:19

[music]

00:59:29

something just of course

00:59:35

my minibus has arrived Okay let's

00:59:36

Thank you coach good luck to you all the best

00:59:40

[laughter]

00:59:43

something I didn't understand a damn thing because I'm

00:59:46

stupid that's why you 30 percent of this

00:59:48

business will be trampled

00:59:53

[music]

01:00:12

oh oh

01:00:22

[applause]

01:00:24

flu Damn, it didn’t work again because of

01:00:27

you, everything didn’t work because she

01:00:29

made us look like fools We just wasted the

01:00:31

last 100 rubles Okay

01:00:33

Grisha, calm down, we can develop

01:00:36

Let’s make a phone conversation partner

01:00:42

[applause]

01:00:44

[music] [applause]

01:00:49

[music]

01:00:53

[applause] [

01:00:56

music] [ applause] [

01:00:59

music] I

01:01:03

need a decent room I have money I’m

01:01:08

in Forbes magazine borders

01:01:17

[music]

01:01:27

maids in Anapa make churchkhela from towels Oh

01:01:35

well why did we fly to this Anapa

01:01:40

but why couldn’t we fly to

01:01:42

France as usual I don’t like

01:01:45

anything bad here get used to it You

01:01:48

started your hotel life with five stars And this

01:01:51

with one What kind of hotel is this one star

01:01:55

boarding house dawn

01:02:00

he then left me like a soldier

01:02:03

with a belt, here I am, all two weeks of vacation in

01:02:07

one star on my ass. You passed

01:02:09

some kind of hole, well, really Yes, but only in

01:02:13

this hole maybe there is a free

01:02:15

room, it

01:02:20

can’t be good at all, are you passing through or

01:02:23

something in European hotels, don’t they

01:02:25

shout, I at least have something - somewhere there is a

01:02:27

bell ringing at the reception, you see, you see

01:02:29

the bell is there, you understand everything,

01:02:33

tell us that you may

01:02:36

have a free room, of course we will

01:02:38

make a free room for you. Of course there is a

01:02:41

room, which one will you take, 4x4 or

01:02:43

five by five I mean, well, there are 16 rooms in one

01:02:47

other 25 you

01:02:49

can’t stay You can, of course,

01:02:52

share the two of us, we’ll do everything for you,

01:02:54

but you’ll have to, as they say,

01:02:56

win either 14 people or 23

01:02:59

big trenches lumberjacks Yes, they’ll

01:03:02

fix you T-shirt, I forgot I don’t

01:03:05

like it here, why is it a normal place

01:03:07

like he’s a toilet a good toilet Good one

01:03:10

here our toilet is just very good, they

01:03:12

did renovations last year, but just as a

01:03:14

toilet it’s good And as a single

01:03:15

room it’s great, sorry, it’s busy,

01:03:17

people live there,

01:03:22

European, you mean, we even have everything

01:03:25

working, I don’t know how there’s no toilet, it’s

01:03:27

apparently a mountain on a mountain Well, now the clouds

01:03:29

will disperse, you see the white house stands

01:03:31

like this in a romantic

01:03:33

romantic style Well, there is

01:03:36

such a heart cut out on the door

01:03:37

[applause] There’s

01:03:39

not even a workout here, the

01:03:45

white house stands like this in a sports

01:03:47

style Well, there’s a heart cut out like

01:03:49

a cardio exercise,

01:03:51

you swing once you get up came down

01:03:54

all at once and pumped up your butt like a nut, you

01:03:57

choose how many approaches you

01:03:59

drain it once you go a day you can’t

01:04:04

250 is impossible

01:04:08

[music] Calm down,

01:04:19

you told me and you

01:04:21

don’t like the fact that you have only

01:04:22

cold water in your room, they gave you hot water, a

01:04:24

sample that’s warm, it’s normal

01:04:29

in general Do you understand who you are settling in

01:04:33

? Do you understand or not? My bunny yesterday shook

01:04:36

hands with the minister himself.

01:04:40

Yesterday the minister, by the way,

01:04:42

kissed my hand to settle here. Well, okay. I

01:04:51

have one room. One governor booked it especially for you, but he was arrested on your unit. Everything has a room like this. Well, here you go.

01:04:53

and it’s great that the luggage

01:04:55

will go up to our room, unfortunately we can’t

01:04:58

do it in any way.

01:04:59

Why Because you can’t go up there, you

01:05:02

have to go down. A hook

01:05:05

for you which basement the basement has been occupied for a long time the cellar is

01:05:10

good There are advantages, too, it’s so cold there

01:05:13

you know, it’s like there’s an air conditioner for

01:05:14

200 thousand it’s standing there so cold it’s

01:05:16

generally good as I knew I should have

01:05:19

gone with Mitrofanov that it’s nothing nothing I

01:05:21

love you

01:05:26

It’s just our local animator you

01:05:29

need to be friends with him You see, if you’re not

01:05:31

friends, then the whole vacation is a complete mess

01:05:32

Hello, new guy so Well, why come

01:05:35

to my beach in queue don’t sign up in the

01:05:37

sense literally means back there are

01:05:39

lying at 6:00 in the morning on the nut

01:05:42

next to women with corn two seats Uncle

01:05:45

Zhori on the armor I can give

01:05:48

No of course I’m joking I’m like this Attention

01:05:52

attention

01:05:53

citizens bathing a place has become available in the

01:05:57

fifteenth row from the sea Those who wish can

01:05:59

take it

01:06:01

look, they ran among the children, look

01:06:05

like that, it’s funny

01:06:07

today there are a lot of people, no today you

01:06:09

know, it’s tolerable, let’s go and

01:06:19

register at

01:06:24

least something for January Okay, let’s try, we need a

01:06:30

decent number There’s money I’m

01:06:33

somehow closed in Forbes magazine,

01:06:38

also already in the magazine

01:06:44

Yes, if you immediately you won’t solve this

01:06:46

issue I’m going to Mitrofan, why the hell should I

01:06:49

get up

01:06:51

here alone or what?

01:06:54

Great

01:06:57

[music]

01:07:25

why did you come back and

01:07:28

in Turkey there are no places the

01:07:31

well is occupied

01:07:35

you where Mitrofan come on hide me

01:07:40

[applause]

01:07:43

[music]

01:07:44

[applause ]

01:07:45

[music]

01:07:46

[applause]

01:07:47

[music] [

01:07:48

applause] [music] [applause] [

01:07:50

music] [

01:07:51

applause] [

01:07:52

music] [

01:07:54

applause] [music] [music

01:08:08

]

01:08:17

[applause]

01:08:20

[music]

01:08:27

[music]

01:08:29

dear friends we want say

01:08:32

Of course hurray hurray Because

01:08:36

Because now we are standing in front of you you are

01:08:39

sitting

01:08:41

Hurray you want to say I would like of course

01:08:44

And why Because we respect That is why

01:08:48

we are standing and will continue to stand like this for a

01:08:52

thousand years

01:09:16

[applause]

01:09:21

the summer rushed by like a fast train coughing

01:09:25

smoke time writing sad The story of a

01:09:28

global pandemic, but the acute plot

01:09:31

was approaching a denouement, the guarantee was over,

01:09:34

socks are no longer put on the faces of

01:09:37

women and men again Angelica in a

01:09:40

restaurant and kindergarten, boutiques will soon open the

01:09:43

borders of all countries

01:09:44

[music] [

01:09:50

music]

01:09:58

[applause] [

01:10:00

music]

01:10:07

[music]

01:10:09

[applause ]

01:10:15

[music]

01:10:17

Wash your hands so that there is no one else to

01:10:19

treat so that all breasts can breathe freely

01:10:22

in all corners of the Earth so that

01:10:25

international communication all people have regained the

01:10:28

country is tired

01:10:31

[music]

01:10:35

the bill

01:10:36

[music] is

01:10:39

gone together for this there will be a

01:10:45

concert today with the participation of the

01:10:47

Liverpool band

01:10:48

[applause ]

01:10:52

[music]

01:10:57

[applause]

01:11:03

not a single ostrich escaped pain and shame,

01:11:08

and also these people

01:11:10

standing on the stage took part, these wonderful spectators

01:11:13

sitting in the hall, and all together we are the

01:11:15

Ural dumplings show

01:11:16

[applause] [

01:11:21

music]

01:11:29

[music]

01:11:35

[applause]

01:11:36

[music]

01:11:39

[applause]

Description:

12 Ульев | Уральские пельмени 2021 Официальный сайт: ► Сайт - https://ctc.ru/ ► Телепрограмма - https://ctc.ru/programm/ ► Сериалы - https://ctc.ru/projects/serials/ ► Новости - https://ctc.ru/zakadrom/novosti/ Приложение СТС для iOS и Android: ► Скачать приложение - https://ctc.ru/apps/ Социальные сети: ► Группа VK - http://vk.com/ctc ► Мы в Twitter - http://twitter.com/ctc ► Мы в Одноклассниках - https://ok.ru/ctc

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